"Everyone Can Code!!" - but not everyone should!

*Me Coding with a laptop and desktop when friends enter *
Friends : u r a coder right? Hack something in front of me.
Me : *sick of explaining ppl*
*SSHs into lap from desktop and shuts it down*
See. I hacked my lap
Friends : whoa! Cool man

"So what are your hobbies?"

Me: "programming"

"No i mean your real hobbies, besides the work you do"

Me: *awkward silence*

Friend texted me some binary.

Decided to impress him and decode it by hand.

Spent 5 minutes decoding "I eat ass".

Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.

Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.

Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---

Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...

Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...

Me: Sometimes I talk to myself while debugging.
Me: OMG 😱, me too..
Me: Lets try pair programming next time.

When I finished my studies, I was looking for a job and had an interview at a smallish company.

Boss: can you do C?
Me: yes, I have already done some stuff in C.
Boss: I mean, are you really good in C?
Me, growing suspicious: well yes I already have been using it - but anyway, there's also the project documentation for looking up, right?
Boss: uhm, the code IS the documentation.

I envisioned myself being drowned in undocumented spaghetti code and wasn't really keen on that job anymore, but my following question pretty much ended the interview:

Me: oh, I see. Do you have any roadmap for getting your development to a more professional base?

His looks, priceless! He was just shocked when he realised that he had failed my interview, and that I was a fresher made it even harder to digest for him.

Ever visit a site/web app that's so bad you want to build them a new one for free?

The worst thing about being a dev is after a while your reaction to every problem is this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Or this: ಠ_ಠ

"Python is such a hard language. It has so many rules" - Undergraduate Student who sent out mass email to the class

*Professor makes the next assignment in ARM Assembly*

LMAO 😂😂😂

Oops!

just found this on reddit... this is freaking hilarious 😂😂

Debugging comments be like...

savage

Best possible week 13 rant... 😑

This would be neat

clients union

Client: I want all cookies blocked on my computer.

Me: Are you sure? Some things won't work if i do that. Like using online banking.

Client: I don't use it, so it's fine.

*Two weeks pass. I have to come back and see three bankcards laying on the table*

Client: I'm not able to use online banking anymore. Can you fix it?

Come on! You pay me to give advice and help out with problems. The least you could do is listen.

Downloaded a bitcoin wallet. Now i have two empty wallets.