First world problems...

I've been working at this startup as a tech lead for a little over a year, and we've grown from 3 to over 150 employees, and a bit over a million end users.

I've spent tens of thousands on high end displays and chairs for your lazy butts, on external consultants to help and train you, even those fucking dirty recruiters have leeched their shares of the pie. I built an amazing luxury kitchen with a fridge, beer cooler, induction plates and a blender for all your crossfitting bodybuilder meals, but forgot to think of my own needs.

NOW I JUST WANT TO BUY A GOOD COFFEEMAKER AND ALL THESE FUCKING TEASLURPING FAKE DEV-BROS SUDDENLY START SCREAMING ABOUT BUDGETS AND HOW COFFEE IS NOT NECESSARY IF YOU MEDITATE. FUCK YOU, WE'RE LIKE THE ONLY STARTUP IN THE COUNTRY RUNNING A FAT PROFIT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID MINDFULNESS IOS APP. GIVE ME MY FUCKING ESPRESSO OR I'LL BLEND YOUR BALLS INTO A PROTEIN SHAKE.

Ever visit a site/web app that's so bad you want to build them a new one for free?

The worst thing about being a dev is after a while your reaction to every problem is this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Or this: ಠ_ಠ

Our programming teacher showed us some parts if his code the other day. When I asked him why he got an empty if-block in there he responded with "cause I only need the else-block"

Customer: how will this heading look in bold?
Me: Hold a sec, I will show you *opens developer tools in chrome and increments font-weight*
Customer: NO NO NO, undo this. I don't want you to mess up my website.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"The most important skill in life is mitigating frustrations, but please don't get good at it — your suffering is hilarious"

— Girlfriend, while I was trying to fix her CPU cooler.

I realized immediately she just explained why this community exists.

Me: Sometimes I talk to myself while debugging.
Me: OMG 😱, me too..
Me: Lets try pair programming next time.

My mom walks in and asks what am I doing and I said hacking government files and she called the police thanks mom😑

What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates gnu+linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😀😄😙

Friend : Hey bro I made an awesome program which shows your future wife's name.

Me : Hey that sounds interesting, show me the source code bro !!

Friend shows the code :

#include <bits/stdc++.h>
using namespace std;

int main()
{
string first_name , last_name;

cout << "Enter your first name\n";
cin >> first_name ;

cout << "Enter your last name\n";
cin >> last_name ;

cout << "Your wife's name is " << "Mrs " << last_name << "\n";

}

Me : Dude you are gonna crack Google some day :P

I just saw a website that hid the login and sign up buttons while ad block was enabled. No popups or anything asking me to disable the ad block.

Well played developer, well played.

"Python is such a hard language. It has so many rules" - Undergraduate Student who sent out mass email to the class

*Professor makes the next assignment in ARM Assembly*

Definition of Irony:

When your css works in IE but not in Firefox.

Fuck this shit, I'm out.

I was showing my girlfriend how merge sort works... Halfway through my visual explanation, she took the pen from me and finished the algorithm.

I think I have chosen wisely :')

i, j and k declared as globals. You fucking moron.

Best one...

clients union

js validation

credits to @mattiasgeniar

I guess my dog doesnt like Dev rant. Bye bye 1.5 year old stress ball :,(

A sad day it is