My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

overheard someone say "test driven development is essentially 'debugging a system into existence'"

.... And to be honest I can't disagree, it's quite an accurate description of TDD.

Bored waiting for code to compile so here is a joke someone sent me last week .....

A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole.

"Holy crap!" says the bartender, completely livid. He says to the man, "Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?"

"Nope. What did he do this time?" says the man.

"He just swallowed one of the balls off the pool table, whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, well I hope it kills him 'cause he's been driving me nuts" says the man.

After finishing his drink, the man leaves.

A few weeks later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. After ordering a drink, the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. Up on the bar, he monkey finds some peanuts. He grabs one out of the bowl, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your stupid monkey did this time?" he asks.

"What now?" responds the man.

"He stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the bartender.

"Well, what do you expect?" replied the man. "Ever since he ate that pool ball he measures everything first!"

I guess it isn't just blue screens found in the wild now.

I'm f**king annoyed today

Today can f**k off and suck my balls

Rant over 😡

Hmmm says it all really

> An update is available
> Installs update
> Update failed bc of corrupted system components
> Random bluescreens
> Sfc /scannow
> Can't scan because there is one pending repair
> Restart
> Does everything except repairing
> Recovery mode
> System integrity check failed
> Reset Windows
> Reset failed bc of "some" problems
> Media creation tool for bootable USB
> Tool fails to write image
> Media creation tool on another pc
> Successful
> Install Windows
> Missing drivers, cannot install
> Wipes hard drive

Fuck you Microsoft

Once went for an interview for a senior web developer role. The first interview was a coding test ( not a problem, been coding for years and know I can do it). The company boasted that it supported pair programming.

I was sat at in an open plan office In front of a machine and given a question sheet of 10 code questions/puzzles and asked to solve them. Then out of nowhere 5 other senior devs appeared and stood behind me and proceeded to comment /question every single line I typed (so no pressure then).

I did questions 1-5 (fairly easy tbh) but all the devs behind me critiquing every single line started to drive me crazy so I asked if it was normal for them to interview this way and was told 'yes' and that after a year of trying to find someone they had been unsuccessful.

I told them that I wanted to leave the interview at that point; I don't mind my code being critiqued just prefer it when I've at least finished the line. Forcing you into a pair programming scenario in the interview really didn't feel right.

To this day (2years later) I still see ads for that very same job

Not really a recruiter but at interview at one place I was given a printed code example and told that there was 8 bugs and that I shield treat it like a code review.

I found 16 bugs and 4 bad practices and explained them all to the director of software engineering and team lead (that set the test), they agree that I was correct; the director turned to the team lead and said ... Are you are your a senior

I tried not to laugh lol

Funny coz it’s true

Too tired to rant, 4 months of 70 hour weeks have took their toll 😞

So, there's something I really don't understand.
Everyone here is complaining about Windows and that it "always BSODs".
I've only seen 4 Bluescreens in the entire time I used Windows. That is over 7 years.
So, what are you doing to your computer to cause so many Bluescreens?

One of the more memorable computer problems I solved were when I added some lego blocks to solve a recurring windows bluescreen
A friend had a Pentium 3 (slot 1) that kept throwing him several bluescrens per day so I decided to help
I open up the computer and saw that the processor were not properly securred in it's place and the plastic pieces that should have holding it in place were gone, so I improvised pressing in some lego pieces that I found somewhere to secure that the processor didn't move if someone were walking close to the computer and after that he didn't have any more bluescreens than the rest of us

Well, it finally happened.

After 25 years coding in all types of languages and environments, I’m no longer having fun.

It now seems like it’s a fight to get interested in the code. I used to be something that I would spend hours / days doing. Now I just want to walk away from the code.

Is it true (do you think) that after a while all you see is a for loop, an if statement, a null check and you just think to yourself. Fuck this! Because I think I’m there.

God it’s depressing to think that I no longer find it fun.

Roses are red,
Bluescreens are blue,
Windows enrages me,
I‘m telling you.

Anyone else suffer from this.

Have a brilliant idea, start computer, open you IDE, write a few lines of code as proof of concept and then just loose interests coz it's no longer a challenge !

I need a big steel bat to hit sales men with when they come to my desk asking for updates

Exactly !

Wrote my first code on a commodore vic 20. I was 7 years old

Ever since I installed Winblows 10 Anniversary edition, my laptop is slower to boot and bluescreens once a week.

Windows: if your system is fast and reliable, don't worry, we'll fix that for you.

You know those days you have at work where you just want to shout “Fuck it” as loud as you can and just walk out ..... yeah it was that kinda day 😡

In our company, all devs are using windows notebooks with the brand Schenker.
And they get bluescreens regularly. The bluescreens are currupting git repos and other data. Seems to be caused by some driver issues with trackpad but no fix for that yet. Happening for years now...
If someone hits the table and gets angry, he probably got a bluescreen again...

Fucking nice, my damn PC has problems handling RAM and can't stay more than 1 minute in any OS without crashing. Windows bluescreens with MEMORY_MANAGEMENT or other bullshit. Nice fucking situation. It's either my CPU's IMC or all of the four RAM sticks. Long tests say it's not my board. Either way, I'm fucked because I haven't got any money to replace my PC yet.

What a coincidence, I got similar parts to someone on Google+ who lives near me and has this exact problem EXCEPT HE CAN REPLACE HIS PC SOON AND I CAN'T. GREAT.

Best quote ever

Although the screen is blurry, that just Windows doing what it does best... BSOD, you gotta love movie theater bluescreens.

I love listening to music while coding, mainly metal/rock/classical

Comment with 10 tracks from your playlist .... Here are my 10

0. Disturbed - stricken
1. Tremonti - decay
2. Black label society - bored to tears
3. Ac/dc - back in black
4. Rolling Stones - paint it black
5. Gary Moore- still got the blues
6. Carcass - blind bleeding the blind
7. Alter bridge - metalingus
8. Fear factory - linch pin
9. Pantera - 5 minutes alone

Was asked to go to interview at an anti virus company. Looking someone with extensive Amazon aws experience. Told them I had none, company was aware and wanted to see me anyway. 3 separate interviews to go through; Got through round 1 and round 2 of the interviews got rejected at round three because u didn't have aws experience!!!! Like wtf..... Why waste my time like that!!

I think that @dfox should start a UX rant, I'm sure there are plenty of designers that want to vent a little 😄

Started to refactor a class. An hour later -

"hmmm this little bit of code that uses the new refactored class could do with a bit of work". An hour later

"hmmm this little bit of code that uses the new refactored class could do with a bit of work" Eight hours later

"Shit, I've almost rewritten the damn application" !!!

Nice bike ride in the country after stressful day 😜

When you commit code to the repo and a a junior on the team takes it upon himself to rename all the classes and methods coz he doesn't like them even though his changes make no sense and then sends them to you for a code review .....

Wonder what the results going to be ;-p

Angular

F**king Angular ...........

enough said .......

Here is a visual representation of Angular using NgRx

I think that its quite apt ....

I couldn't post the pic that i wanted to post because i'm sure that this site has some decency guidelines and i don't want to get kicked out

Some days it feels like visual studio is conspiring to break my sanity.

Compile.... 5 errors
Clean & recompile .... 12 errors

Open file that contains the errors

Error report clears all errors ...

Compile .... 12 errors .... But still bloody runs

Stop program .... No errors

Grrrr

Compile .... No errors

For god sake .... Which is it ... Do I have errors or not FFS

So, vs2015 is crashing when the process gets to 2gb .... 32bit .net process memory limit strikes again!!! 80 projects in the solution & what looks a run away extension is taking the memory !!!

Come on M$ it should be 64bit on a 64bit system!!

Now the hunt for the extension that's causing it!!

Starting to hate resharper for visual studio 2015. Pushes studio memory consumption up by almost 1/2gb with a moderately sized solution. Come on jetbrains sort it out we know it's coz you won't integrate with roslyn.

Doesn't help that vs is still 32bit with a 1.5mb memory cap that will kill the process ...... And Microsoft please sort that shit out as well,32bit app on a 64bit system .... Come on WTF.....

You two sort your shit out 😡

When you bring work home at the weekend with the hope of getting loads done and then you have a brain freeze and can't remember what you need to do first ....... 😡

I’ve been coding for over 25 years, for the last 10 years my primary languages are C#, C++, Xaml. Prior to that I used to develop web applications.

Just recently, I’ve totally lost my motivation to code, I used to come home at nights and do stuff for myself, at work i used to develop utilities and apis to help everyone, some of which have been made production ready and released.

Now I just cannot be arsed......

I need to get out of this rut.

☹️😢

i often do tech support in chat rooms in my free time (because i like spreading good will,) so here's a tech horror story

"""

"hey, can you help me fix something?"

sure?

"so i dug my old XP machine out of my closet and replaced the bad Ethernet card with a different one and when i plug in the ethernet cable the PC bluescreens."

# oboi

did you install the drivers? Sounds like it needs drivers

"no"

then install them

"no"

why not?

"it doesn't need any"

why do you say that?

"it said \"This device is set up and ready to use.\" in the balloon in the corner"

it has generic drivers to deal with devices before the real drivers can be found

"shouldn't they work?"

some devices need the extra support provided by the intended drivers, so the generic ones cause issues in those cases

"ok, well, where do I find them?"

do you have a model number?

"yes, it's " # scrubbed for... privacy? i dunno

gimme a few minutes

<insert 45 minutes of aggressive Googling for (str(DEVICE_MODEL_NUMBER) + " xp drivers")>

alright i have the drivers, go here:
# again, removed for... idk.

"they don't work"

# oh here we go

why not?

"These drivers are not compatible with your system architecture."

what version of XP are you using?

"XP Pro"

x86 or x64?

"x64"

# fucking...

ok so this is gonna get real complicated real fast: use x86 XP or I can't help you, none exist for x64 XP.

"oh ok"

<User left the IRC channel.>

"""

Aaaaarrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

F*%K

Just realised that I've not been on Twitter since downloading this app; just popped on and rejected 8 follower requests from bots, had a look around ... Saw it was still shit and came back here 😬

Recently I wondered why so many people complained about Windows 10. I had no issues, no crashes, and no bluescreens. Everything was fine.

Then the "anniversary update" installed. After days of restoring partitions, reinstalling, boot repairs and blue screens I realized Windows 10 is now incompatible with my PC.

Well, good thing MS extended support for Windows 7...

About a month ago I sorted out some old electronic stuff and found my old laptop from 2011. A 2:nd Gen i7 8gb ram. I replaced it due to several bluescreens a day that later turned out to be caused by a faulty RAM module (was 16Gb back then).
Well, back then it became a backup laptop and went on the shelf and almost forgotten.

I went through all the old files on it and copied them to the NAS, replaced the mechanic drive with cheep SSD.
Used the old Win7 license key to upgrade to win 10 , dust off the fan, and it turned out to be usable.

I have much better computers so I would not use it for anything but today I gave it to my 6 year old nephew so he can start using a computer and build his knowledge. Worse case; If he spills soda on it he'll learn not to do that with the more expensive computers he will use in future.
So win win. I got to get rid of some junk that had been gathering dust for many years by giving my nephew an opportunity to get started with computers.

Finally, the timing: Microsoft announced a few days back that any new upgrade from windows 7&8 to 10 is no longer supported, but that computer still has a valid win 10 license as it was updated a month ago.

Question: how many of you have told co-workers about devRant and wished you hadn't ???

"Programmers Know Everything"

Im writing this as myself cause, well this tends to happen to me alot!

When ever a friend or a friend of a friend has an issue with a website or just their computer they run to me, which is all fine but if I say "I dunno? I never heard of this issue so I do not know how to fix the problem."
Their response is normal "But dont you do websites? Surely you know how to fix a virus or bluescreens ?? "

Hi my named bluescreen and I'm addicted to coding ....

Feel like I should be at some kind of Coders AA meeting .....

I'm having a few days off work, this is my 3rd day and I'm already twitching because I've not got my daily fix of coding (wife won't let me near a computer when I'm on holiday)

I've never had any kind of addiction except coding. I feel really uncomfortable not doing anything, coding is my job and hobby.

I normally come on here to rant / read posts but today I'm browsing just on the off chance that I see some code ....

I need help ......

We have a new senior manager who I now report directly to and he’s actively reducing the amount of input I have with everything and everyone. He seems to be targeting everyone who was hired/promoted by the pervious senior manager who he replaced.

I think it’s time I started looking for another job. He obviously doesn’t want me here and is doing everything he can to make my life difficult

So tired that I can't even think about writing code this weekend .... Despite really wanting to. 1000 things going through my head that I could code right now.

Code > Test > Fix > Repeat

Damn visual studio 15 crashing yet again !!

Nothing gets me depressed more than having to do web development.

For me its souls destroying ... makes me so utterly fed up with everything.

That feeling when you almost have your code working but you have to leave the office for the day coz they are kicking everyone out 😥😡

Having ram problems with my x299 system. When ever i put 2 8gb sticks in my pc just bluescreens on startup. But if i just put one in, in the b1 slot then it works just fine. But if i put the 2 8gb sticks in one in b1 and one in a2 then take out b1, then the a2 works. This works with both of the sticks so i dont think either one is dead. They are compatible, but blue screens whenever installed together. My bios is updated. Any ideas how to fix?

For F^^k sake Microsoft give us some way to protect .net code from easy reflection / decompilation ..... Obfuscation just doesn't cut it.

Spec writing, necessary evil 😬

Junior dev is refactoring yet again instead of doing the work he is supposed to be doing ...... Feels he has to refactor everything to fit in with his floored idea of the way the system should work ...... Going to be having words with him soon :-(

So, it appears that when you have a disagreement about something with our new head of development, he puts you on a ‘shit’ list and the does everything he can to make you want to quit.

Tried to make out that your not integrating with the teams, excludes you from any discussion that you might have any opinions about, talks down to you and is generally two faced about everything he says.

Well f**k him.

Just spent the last hour going through code and nHibernate relationship mappings only to realise that my repository's create method had an not exists check instead of an exists check preventing it from actually committing the data ........... i'm tired and need a holiday !

Been a team lead for a few years now but it seems that my job now seems to be chasing team members for estimates and deadlines 😡

Using a 3rd part library to manage drag/drop in wpf and then have to use router events because it doesn't natively manage commanding for mvvm pattern, then you write a commanding behaviour which works perfectly for everything else except drag drop because it's not part of the visual tree so binging is a nightmare!! 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Got my xaml datatemplates finished, models and design time data all done ... Now for some whiskey 😁

Meetings, meetings and more meetings ....... what's that, you want me in another meeting that could have been an email !!

When you get to the stage of just praying that your code will magically fix itself .........
Yeah hmmmmm

It seems to me that we all keep posting the same images (normally geeky tech humour) or how programmers are seen by others etc... would it be useful to have an image gallery on devRant so that we can all post into it, lets face it we all love to see them. might stop the same images being posted over and over again .... Would have to be moderated though !

what do you think @dfox ??

Is it just me or does anyone else wince when someone says the word "cyber" when referencing something on the internet ....like the current series of attacks ..... oh god ... i winced just typing that !

I hate the word, its an irrational hate i know still !

I've been working on a problem for the last few hours and not getting anywhere ... so here are a jokes ... coz im bored

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid , it's ok I can stop when I want
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what type of monkey explodes - a Baboom
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my brother has. taken being sent to jail really. He has been refusing food and drink, spitting and scratching anyone who comes near and he smeared the walls with his s**t.

I'm not inviting him to monopoly night again.

FFS, a site that published tech tutorials that can't get the damn iOS app to work correctly

Come on plurasight you can do better than this.

Microsoft needs to deal with getting native compilation of the full .net runtime rather than concentrating efforts just doing store apps that no one wants with the cut down runtime.

Winds me up that

When a colleague reads the clean code book but the writes code that's exactly the opposite ..... Yeah, hmmmm

Just saw this on Facebook .... Had to repost it here