The top two:
* the laziest intern ever!! He lived 100m from the office but was always late for the daily. Even managed to forget his fucking laptop at home!! His mommy had to wake him up!!! He was so useless that I thought he was on the first year of his bachelor's degree and later the team said to me that he had finished it.

* some frat bro, got an internship thanks to daddy inside my ops team. He managed to insult everyone in his first week!!
So I had to tell his daddy, that his son will work under the office support team and will be in charge of the first level support for his branch. Daddy fired his son sorry as after two weeks!!

Once upon a time, there were a restaurant called "iEat.tech.com".
It was a small single-location place, where the sufficient number of patrons could be served by the cozy number of employees.
In fact, headcount was so lean that the cook was also the one who washed all the dishes.

But then came the suits and their "VC"(daddy) money and scaled shit up.
Soon, there were so many patrons that the dishes started to pile up the sink, never washed.
"We need someone to wash the dishes!" said the cook
"Fuck you, you wash the dishes!" said the s*its
Naturally, the cook left soon after.

The s*its had a problem now. They could not replace the cook fast enough - all other cooks were either young, inexperienced and mediocre (but did clean the dishes), or refused to waste their time on the sink.
So the suits did what $*its always do - they got a fucking consultant. Who told them to get a fucking dishwashing machine and billed them the GDP of Ireland.

The s*is, of course, did not want to buy a dishwashing machine. "Our fucking process is too fucking disruptive for us to use a fucking store-bought mass-produced metal servant!" (s*its don't know what "machines" are. For them, it's all in terms of "servants", employees and machines alike).

So the s*its hired an engineer to "solve the fucking dish problem, once and for all".
The engineer quickly started measuring and drawing and calculating. The engineer was about to prepare a budget when the s*its came screaming "What the fuck are you doing? There is a fucking pile of dishes in the sink!"
The engineer replied that "I'm designing the machine!", to what the s*its responded "don't bring me fucking problems, bring me solutions!" (or some other s*it blabber)

So the engineer quickly designed an efficient dishwashing assembly line to be done in half the time most people would. And then went back to designing the machine.
But the s*its were having none of it. They kept expanding and expanding and doing what they could so that the engineer never had a moment to work on the machine. They dit it so surreptitiously that no one barely even noticed, but one day they were paying a team of engineers to be fucking human dishwashers.

Now replace "dishes" with "Jira tickets" or "quick fixes" or "tiny changes" and fix other terms accordingly.
Fucking s*its.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying "Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in June!"
"Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me?" I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It's now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won't say where she got them.

update of after i got fired: after the fuck developers company llc was left with no developers, there was a girl there that i didn't mention earlier because as i said: the story is more complex. she came there with good intentions but after she knew the cruel nature of fuck and shit she became notoriously mad, we're still in contact with her so it's nice to hear from her some of the gags that happen there, one of which my really intelligent ex-boss the wordpress DEVELOPER himself told her to finish one of the projects i was working on, and a friend of mine who is infamous of his coding shenanigans left it in my hands before he left as well a couple of months prior (well he was fed up before us, and when i told him to stay with us he said "dude just listen to the motherfucker's voice, i can't do this anymore", my lovely ex-boss has this equally lovely screechy high pitched voice that caused me tinnitus), it's an asp.net project, uses web forms, and a lot of apis, the database is sql server, standard shit but there's no original creation script and i fucked up the only existing database which was in a local computer he used to like calling a SERVER, now to the point: this girl is not a developer, she was however working as a reporter?? kind of like jaspersoft the human or sap crystal woman and she claims that she's pretty good at it, and she's a genuinely good person who was dragged to hell just because she wanted to be close to her daddy (she was working in a different city with more than double the salary she's given now), but she's rich and her dada convinced her to come. she's currently learning java ee on her own so she'd probably leave in the next two months, in her resume she wrote that she know php, well i know php you know php we all know php (the syntax) kind of like mr. shit who passed the sololearn php CERTIFICATE and couldn't stop telling his boss and his boss a.k.a my ex-boss goes "sweet!". going back to the punchline of this rant: she told us that he came to her and asked her to finish the project with php.

Alright. This is going to be long and incoherent, so buckle up. This is how I lost my motivation to program or to do anything really.

Japan is apparently experiencing a shortage of skilled IT workers. They are conducting standardized IT skill tests in 7 Asian countries including mine. Very few people apply and fewer actually pass the exam. There are exams of different levels that gives you better roles in the IT industry as you pass them. For example, the level 2 or IT Fundamental Engineering Exam makes you an IT worker, level 3 = capable of working on your own...so on.
I passed level 1 and came in 3rd in my country (there were only 78 examinees lol). Level 2 had 2 parts. The theoretical mcq type exam in the morning and the programming mcq in the afternoon. They questions describe a scenario/problem, gives you code that solves it with some parts blanked out.

I passed the morning exam and not the afternoon. As a programmer I thought I'd be good at the afternoon exam as it involves actual code. Anyway, they give you 2 more chances to pass the afternoon exam, failing that, you'll have to take both of them the next time. Someone who has passed 1 part is called a half-passer and I was one.

A local company funded by both JICA and my government does the selection and training for the Japanese companies. To get in you have to pass a written exam(write code/pseudocode on paper) and pass the final interview in which there are 2 parts - technical interview and general interview.

I went as far as the interview. Didn't do too good in the technical interview. They asked me how would I find the lightest ball from 8 identical balls using a balance only twice. You guys probably already know the solution. I don't have much theoritical knowledge. I know how to write code and solve problems but don't know formal name of the problem or the algorithm.

On to the next interview. I see 2 Japanese interviewers and immediately blurt out konichiwa! The find it funny. Asked me about my education. Say they are very impressed that self taught and working. The local HR guy is not impressed. Asks me why I left university and why never tried again. Goes on about how the dean is his friend and universites are cheap. foryou.jpg

The real part. So they tell me that Japanese companies pay 250000/month, I will have to pay 60% income tax, pay for my own accommodation, food, transportation cost etc. Hella sweet deal. Living in Japan! But I couldn't get in because the visa is only given to engineers. Btw I'm not looking to invade Japan spread my shitskin seed and white genocide the japs. Just wanted to live in another country for a while and learn stuff from them.

I'll admit I am a little salty and probably will remain salty forever. But this made me lose all interest in programming. It's like I don't belong. A dropout like me should be doing something lowly. Maybe I should sell drugs or be a pimp or something.

But sometimes I get this short lived urge to make something brilliant and show them that people like me are capable of doing good things. Fuck, do I have daddy issues?

I hate social media because I have to keep it in one way or the other (don't ask)

As such, I have to deal with multiple bullshit that I read from people.

The trust fund baby with a daddy selected job posting images on him on Cancun "lIfe Is To Be EnjOyeD, go AhEaD trAvEl" <--- bitch I work. I am happy that you enjoy shit but fuck me man have some sense of reality.

Many more shit like that, plus, it is a pandemic fuckhead, chill the fuck out.

The retarded veteran that continues to cry about a football player kneeling on a football match.....even though he was told by a fucking ex Special Forces to take a knee in peaceful protest.

Mexican adults talking about American politics.....dude you live in FUCKING MEXICO your fucking president is a national MEME

the list continues, I hate social media.

Do you know what angers me more than anything else ?

Wasted potential. Thats what. That there are people out there that look at their bank account and see a large number and spend large amounts of time finding ways to push people down during sensitive times where they could be learning and growing and have the right attitude and energy to do so, just because it makes their horrible selves feel secure knowing how 'superior' daddy made them, not to mention likely factories filled with half naked Chinese kids sewing shoes and soccer balls and separating out precious metals with blow torches.

I cannot help but think about this again as I'm frustrated that I had to relearn something just now which created more questions which I once everything is dashed to pieces again I won't think to or know to look into, if the information even exists, all so some easily duped younger people can form the next generation of well... us, and fall for the same tricks while I feel like I'm falling behind.

A few days after the vacation, daddy (me) finally finished copying all the photos from the digital camera to the big external hard drive. Left it lying in the living room, in the corner where all the tech stuff frequently lies. In come my boys, and I'm not sure why, they start plugging power supplies around. Unfortunately the one from the laptop fit into the hole on the external disk, but had a different (higher) voltage. Result: 1 fried hard drive, containing all the baby photos and videos of said boys up that time.
I still believe that it's only the circuit board that is fried, and the data is still all there. I still have the hope to find a used disk, replace the board and all will be back.

Fav part of working from home?

Probably nothing.

- Being within eye-shot of my wife.
Wife: "Since your home just sitting there, could you clean the windows?"
Me: "I can't, busy."
Wife: "You're just sitting there clicking, that's not working. You think *I* sit around all day!? Let me tell you what I do all day for you and your children <blah blah blah>.. I ask you to do *one* thing around here, only *one*, and you can't do that! "

I'll inevitably will be doing anything except coding.

- Being within eye-shot of my daughter
H: "Daddy, can you play this game with me?"
<Hmmm...SharePoint or Candyland?>
Me: "Alright baby, let's play Candyland!"

Actually, being home with my girls would be pretty awesome. :)

The amount of highly sexual, disgusting jokes and shit that me and my employees say at the office behind close doors is the primary reason why I keep the door to my department offices closed.

I usually tell everyone that it is due to covid concerns, but it ain't, we really do be making the most disgusting jokes known to man.

Example:

Me: cum bucket!!!!
From outside the office, the CMS admin: "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yess daddy??"

My office is not normal, my guys are polite, articulate and proper in any other meeting that we attend, but dear me I sometimes worry.

I fucking hate it when big companies release a video with the new tech they developed and they jerk off about the great discovery they made in video format.

I mean, they usually are great discoveries but the "verborragia" (a spanish portmanteau between verb and haemorrhage) is unsufferable.

I'm feeling this way specifically about the microsoft videos. "Just get to the goddamn fucking point. What did you fucking develop exactly?"

They usually go like this:

(Play sad reverbed piano)
Trees are life. Have you ever been a tree? Everyday thousands of trees are being torn apart from their daddy trees. When a tree is removed to be processed into paper, dozens of pretty little dwarves go homeless.

That's why at Microdick we are working on one of the most trascendental advancements of the 21st century.

We are working really hard to take into account every aspect of environmentability to bring humanity closer to what it is to feel like a tree.

We are pushing forward what it means to be a tech company today and we are finding new creative ways to inflate our ego, as a way to pretend we're not dying like the rest of normal human beings.

Someone should make a movie about three ghosts that haunt a BLOODY CROOK who makes his employees and coworkers burn the midnight oil in the bloody CHISTMAS EVE because the fucker haven't finished something that should have been ready TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO.
The ghost of Christmas past shows the fucker that he was a bloody LAZY KID who made his elderly relatives cook, host, clean, wash the dishes and everything else all by themselves during family-gathering season.
The ghost of Christmas present shows him his employees' children teary eyed that daddy doesn't get to watch cartoons with them before bedtime (we're not Christians but just because my house is a steak-free zone it doesn't mean my kids don't expect gifts from santa, like most kids in their school!)
The ghost of Christmas future shows a Netflix documentary on how the fucker got arrested for being a BLOODY CROOK that gets played by some actor who is a hollywood-level jerk who beats his wife. And the show gets a 3% on rotten tomatoes, just to salt the wound. Oh, and a voiceover says the real BLOODY CROOK hanged himself in prison or something and his family is happy he did it.

Fuck, I hate, for real hate, people whose tardiness bleeds out on honestly-working people. I had to wake up one of my devs to fix the SHIT that the bloody crook higher-up shat on us.
My guy is getting a raise as soon as I can scream at the bean counters and my boss will be getting some loooooong, data-rich report on how the bloody crook's department is pissing in our soup.
Fuck everything.

working at an MNC is like dating the hottest girl in campus. everyone stares at you, but only you know of the tantrums and the expenses that you have to take.

Every random aunty and uncle I come across gets a wide smile on their face when i tell them my company's parent company name. i goto this temple , and there, one uncle was introducing me to his wife "meet X ji's son , he is at Y company" .
previously when i worked at a startup, most of the time , people were like "huh? what does this company do?" and when i would explain them how our DBs are sending billions of notifications and interaction each second, they would be like "oh , so you work at IT" , YES DUDE, YOU WANNA GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAND NOW?

And this mentality is sick. i loathe the place where i currently work. i loved my previous org and now am just here coz my mom is too scared to let her son live in a different state.

The only reason a person works in a company is money and WLB. Indian service based MNCs don't give a penny more than basic industry standards. and when they want their employees to be available 2 days a week + x number of days when any CEO , ED or other sugar daddy is coming to office, you get an idea of the shitty Work life balance.

my previous company was a b2b startup, it always paid me more than industry standards and we had wfh until a notification came to enforce hybrid working bh end of 2024. till now not a single person from my team has relocated. All i had to do was to *plan* for living in a state and my mom got cold feet :/

i think so much about my future. i earn decent, so i wanna spend it to live and grow.
i wanna go party at friday nights and go on night outs. i wanna meet this cute school crush at anytime after office and don't worry about the 9 pm curfew. i wanna go look for a new home in a different area and get out of this parking hellhole. i wanna prepare for exams and do a hugher studies from aborad.

everything needs money and growth mindset. money makes money and i am trying to earn every minute. but a chained mind cannot fly . a non growth mindset will not let you evolve. and someone needs to tell it to people who control my every . fucking. action

i have seen people switching from one big name to another. i personally feel that you are just too comfortable in the environment of big names and deliberately ignoring the smaller names which are doing the actual build fast and break reality stuff. reward is proportional to risk and if you are okay with just attributing to a big name, then that's on you

Oh mighty how I hate Windows 10
1. It will run that "antimalware" malware killing your CPU
2. Fucking shit will auto restart for updates so if you run some 24h process you are doomed, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, unless maybe deep shit digging in MS god only knows registry values
3. Will be your fucking daddy showing you blue box, "oh we detected you may be a pussy, so we prevented this exe from running, please click 50 times to allow it because we care about you by creating virus prone OS in 1990 and we continue to do so"

NO Microshit horsefuckeers stop developing this garbage OS, let it die and force the world to use Linux, yes harder at first for every day Joe, but once learned it's state of the art OS, even your Azure cloud runs of Linux so for fuk sake stop develping WinDOS!
Or let the user to configure "fuck off mode" I don't want your virus scanner I don't want your protection, just fuck off and let people to whatever the duck the want!

Now i am given a task to refactor some piece of Predicate code and then update the unit test so it can be compatible and work with new data

WHAT. Is the Fucking point of unit tests if you have to modify them to adapt to new code anyways???

Unit tests exist just so u can stroke ur sausage??? Just so u can give ur ego an orgasm to tell others "hey look at me how good code i wrote that even unit tests are passing!" ???

I always found unit tests sketchy. almost as if its useless and unnecessary. I still get why they are used (some other dev working on feature 2 might break my shit and unit test can save the day) but if thats the only reason then that doesnt seem like a strong enough reason for me

By now im talking about java!

No wonder i have never seen a single nextjs developer ever write a single unit test. Those people have evolved beyond unit testing just as the nextjs technology itself!

This is why nextjs is the future of web and the Big Daddy Dick King 👑 of technology!

people familier with android (~~ broadcast reciever) , help me out.

I have two activities , main and second. from main , you can go to second if a broadcast is triggered. (eg if flight mode is on, you can go to second activity). I know how to make a reciever for this and the best case here should be that of a dynamic broadcast reciever.

But In the SecondActivity , i again want to implement a similer check, since anyone can turn the flight Mode on and off from the status bar.So if flight mode is on, certain layouts should be shown else not. again a reciever is required

My problem is : is static reciever a better choice, if yes then how can I interact with the reciever, like it should request changes only if either of the following activities are open and application is running..??

(And I don't know why daddy yankee's shaky shaky video is being played in the back of my head)

Looking for hosting Don’t really know who I should go through? I have used host gator and go daddy in the past and would like to try out some new hosting. What would you guy recommend? And why? Budget for the month would be around 15 usd for hosting max. I would like to host my portfolio and as many domains as possible on the hosting. Please help

Noob alert !

Plz feed me some c# projects!!

Mayn i ve been only reading and learning from book(c# 7.0 in a nutshell) i feel like i need to implement the stuff i learned so paliz help me daddy !
Again i am noob simple uni projects would be fine!
Projects with oop datastructure and simple database would do the job!

But if you have better suggestions feed me !

Thanks :)

Rawr X3 *nuzzles* How are you? *pounces on you* you're so warm o3o *notices you have a bulge* someone's happy! *nuzzles your necky wecky* ~murr~ hehe 😉 *rubbies your bulgy wolgy* you're so big! *rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy* it doesn't stop growing .///. *kisses you and licks your neck* daddy likes 😉 *nuzzle wuzzle* I hope daddy likes *wiggles butt and squirms* I wanna see your big daddy meat! *wiggles butt* I have a little itch o3o *wags tails* can you please get my itch? *put paws on your chest* nyea~ it's a seven inch itch *rubs your chest* can you pwease? *squirms* pwetty pwease? 🙁 I need to be punished *runs paws down your chest and bites lip* like, I need to be punished really good *paws on your bulge as I lick my lips* I'm getting thirsty. I could go for some milk *unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow* you smell so musky 😉 *licks shaft* mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm so musky 😉 *drools all over your cawk* your daddy meat. I like. Mister fuzzy balls. *puts snout on balls and inhales deeply* oh my gawd. I'm so hard *rubbies your bulgy wolgy* *licks balls* punish me daddy nyea~ *squirms more and wiggles butt* I9/11 lovewas an yourinside muskyjob goodness *bites lip* please punish me *licks lips* nyea~ *suckles on your tip* so good *licks pre off your cock* salty goodness~ *eyes roll back and goes balls deep*

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