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Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣3 -
When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...7 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D8
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Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
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What is this, windows?? how am i, the software publisher, supposed to change this if you don't bother to give a proper fucking error? whoever created this, i hope you die choking on a goat's intestines
10 -
Google Developer Days India was Awesoommeee!!
Had some amazing time learning about their products and their Developer community.
12 -
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
> creates new PR for open source project
> runs tests locally before pushing
> pushes
> waits 8h (not kidding) for appveyor checks to complete
> tests failed
MOTHERF- -
This gem of a game. Partly cause i'm a contributor, partly cause i'm a space junkie.
Is this advertising? maybe.
Am i in love? definitely.
7 -
What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her20 -
When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
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Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔20
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This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
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These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!2
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Went to a GDD Extended event for the first time. All they told was
repeat
{
bla bla bla
Google
bla bla bla
}1 -
Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
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I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
This summer, i will have all the time in the world. I will be finally free (as in, alone at home). And, most importantly, i will have a months old kitten to take care of.
I'm so excited.13 -
just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...5
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DEVRANT INDIA MEETUP
@GDD Bangalore, Dec 1 and 2
It will be awesome to meet all the devs who are attending the GDD at Bangalore. So lets make a group chat and plan a way to spot each other 🤓
Group Link in comments 😊3 -
A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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Nothing feels more dead than ur shitty windows Lap going updating mode in a training session surrounded by whole lot of mac users....!
Yeah mothaf**** I can hear u laughing behind me.! -
Checking out a project on GitHub:
> Using advanced condition-based AI logic, Compactor can skip over files that have been previously found to be incompressible, making re-running Compactor on a previously compressed folder much quicker.
> (Yes, it's an if statement and a trivial hash database, hush)
2 -
ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?
I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?
about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.2 -
When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
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"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
be me, just casually watching a cs:go fragmovie. there's always 10 seconds of ads before those, so i use the time to sip some coffee. at that second, i hear the following words..
"The first ever blockchain gaming marketplace in history"
...now i need to clean my keyboard. -
15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!1
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Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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i'm afraid that having discovered the power of multithreading has made my code worse.
case in point: me has to calculate an unknown 3rd point of an equilateral triangle many, many times. however, me doesn't get the formula, so me goes ahead and loops over all possible coordinates until it finds the correct one.
yep, it's definitely gotten worse.2 -
started to rewrite one of my functional-but-horrible projects. after 2 hours i realize i'm starting to use the same kind of "if it works, great" style.
jesus, i need some sleep. -
qt compilation 2: electric boogaloo.
$ ./configure [dozens of options]
< building qmake, blah blah, success blah blah, run make && make install, blah blah >
$ make -j 8
< works for 5 minutes, then hits an error without telling me what the error is >
$ make -j 8
< works for 5 minutes until the same error. this time i notice it rm's a directory right before using it >
$ make # multithreaded fuckery, perhaps?
< fails after 5 seconds with different error >
$ make -j 2
< same >
$ make clean # fuck it, clean up and try again
< fails after 2 minutes of cleaning >
The C/C++ infrastructure. just everything about it. and i'm not even using dependencies here.2 -
!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
Been searching for an offshore data server for at least 5 fucking hours. There's nothing worse than searching for decent low-end offers outside of europe.7
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@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
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Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
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mfw someone makes completely irrelevant OS-bashing comments in an issue that's barely related to OSs... someone tells him to fuck off... and then he posts a FUCKING PHARELL WILLIAMS VIDEO! ON GITHUB!
i'll go straight back to bed, bye. -
When a junior developer forks new feature branch from his old feature branch and not from develop branch causing merge conflicts later!1
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to just do my shit, without working for anyone. really, I just want to dwell on my side projects forever.
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If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
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Just found this glorious rant about a controversy I completely missed in 2016.
https://eev.ee/blog/2016/... -
Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
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Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3 -
when you just want to set up a tiny automation and end up compiling a custom snap package for 3 hours...1
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