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Search - "piece of sh**"
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A rare bug appeared. It was my duty to finish it.
SH = Manager
SH: So when do you think you can finish the task?
Me: I still have to analyze the problem. Give me a moment and I'll get back to you.
SH: Alright.
*An hour later*
SH: *Approaches my desk* Have you found the source of the problem?
Me: Not yet. Please give me some more time.
SH: Ok.
*An hour later*
SH: *the approach* You found it yet?
Me: Yes, I've found the the source of the problem, But... *explains the problem and thus concluding that it's a complicated bug*
SH: Can you finish it by tomorrow?
Me: I'll do the best I can but I am not entirely sure if I can finish it by tomorrow.
SH: OK great!
*The next day*
SH: *Le approach* Hey I have a colleague here that may be able to solve the problem, he has skills with XYZ. Ok, I will leave you two at it then. *the leave*
Helper: So can you tell me about the issue here?
Me: *explains the bug and the source of the problem*
Helper: Have you tried solution A?
Me: Yes sir, but it yields a different output... *explains what happened with solution A*
Helper: Well, that won't work. What about solution B?
Me: I've tried that, too. *Another lengthy explanation*
Helper: Welp, ok. I'll get back to you on that.
(...But he never came.)
*A few hours later*
SH: *A.P.P.R.O.A.C.H.* Hey I have this team lead from another department. I think he can help you out on this one. *L.E.A.V.E.*
Helper 2: What seems to be the problem?
Me: *Explains again with all the solutions I tried but failed*
Helper 2: Wow. That really seems to be a complicated problem.
~~
Me (In my head): -_-
~~
Helper 2: Listen, I need to get back to my team. I'll keep you posted if I happen to find a solution for your problem alright?
Me: Alright thanks.
*Towards the end of the day*
SH: *APPROACHHHH* Have you resolved the bug yet?
~~
Me (In my head): You made me spend half the FUCKING day explaining to these people who didn't even give a piece of FUCKING SHIT to contribute to the problem and you are asking me if I am done with this FUCKING BUG? FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A -
~~
Me: No, it is not finished yet..
SH: You have to finish this because we don't have tomorrow.
~~
Me (In my head): SHDIFHWISGSIFGSISBAUDBEIQBDIWGFIEBWIDHWIQBDOSBCISBDOSHDIAGSUSVDIFBDKDJWIQKDBDIDGSUWVDIABDIXBSIDBDIDBWUWGUSVDUWVDJQBDUDVWISHDUWVFG
~~
I went home for the day.21 -
nVidia, fuck you
Just fuck you!
FUCK YOU!!
WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO LIKE ALL THE OTHER MANUFACTURERS!!
WHY CAN’T YOU JUST PUBLISH OPEN SOURCE DRIVERS THAT WORK WITH MODERN TECHNOLOGICAL STANDARDS AND NOT YOUR OWN PROPRIETARY LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT SOLUTION!!!
ALL OTHER MANUFACTURERS HAVE OPEN SOURCE DRIVERS, AND SOME ARE EVEN MAINLINED IN THE KERNEL!!!
I JUST WANT WAYLAND TO WORK!! FUCK YOU
I’M BUYING AN AMD!!!
https://reddit.com/r/...
https://drewdevault.com/2017/10/...16 -
Co-worker: dude, I need your help!
Me: all yours.
Co-worker: can't fix that sh$t over here.
[IDE]
Err on line~~
badFunction(...);
Me: piece of cake, gimme your keyboard.
[IDE]
Build successeful.
Co-worker: duuude, how did you...???
Me: Better not look.
Co-worker: but I am curious to know, ya know
Me: promise not to scream, k?
Co-worker: I just hope it's none of your old-stylish jokes.
Me: oh dude, you know me for years, trust me, it's fine.
Co-worker: -_-5 -
Visual Studio : the var "listlines" is only assigned but its value is never used
Me : I'm using it on the next line, you piece of sh--2 -
Did a bunch more cowboy coding today as I call it (coding in vi on production). Gather 'round kiddies, uncle Logan's got a story fer ya…
First things first, disclaimer: I'm no sysadmin. I respect sysadmins and the work they do, but I'm the first to admit my strengths definitely lie more in writing programs rather than running servers.
Anyhow, I recently inherited someone else's codebase (the story of my profession career, but I digress) and let me tell you this thing has amateur hour written all over it. It's written in PHP and JavaScript by a self-taught programmer who apparently discovered procedural programming and decided there was nothing left to learn and stopped there (no disrespect to self-taught programmers).
I could rant for days about the various problems this codebase has, but today I have a very specific story to tell. A story about errors and logs.
And it all started when I noticed the disk space on our server was gradually decreasing.
So today I logged onto our API server (Ubuntu running Apache/PHP) and did a df -h to check the disk space, and was surprised to see that it had noticeably decreased since the last time I'd checked when everything was running smoothly. But seeing as this server does not store any persistent customer data (we have a separate db server) and purely hosts the stateless API, it should NOT be consuming disk space over time at all.
The only thing I could think of was the logs, but the logs were very quiet, just the odd benign message that was fully expected. Just to be sure I did an ls -Sh to check the size of the logs, and while some of them were a little big, nothing over a few megs. Nothing to account for gigabytes of disk space gradually disappearing.
What could it be? I wondered.
cd ../..
du . | sort --sort=numeric
What's this? 2671132 K in some log folder buried in the api source code? I cd into it and it turns out there are separate PHP log files in there, split up by customer, so that each customer of ours (we have 120) has their own respective error log! (Why??)
Armed with this newfound piece of (still rather unbelievable) evidence I perform a mad scramble to search the codebase for where this extra logging is happening and sure enough I find a custom PHP error handler that is capturing (most) errors and redirecting them to these individualized log files.
Conveniently enough, not ALL errors were being absorbed though, so I still knew the main error_log was working (and any time I explicitly error_logged it would go there, so I was none the wiser that this other error-catching was even happening).
Needless to say I removed the code as quickly as I found it, tail -f'd the error_log and to my dismay it was being absolutely flooded with syntax errors, runtime PHP exceptions, warnings galore, and all sorts of other things.
My jaw almost hit the floor. I've been with this company for 6 months and had no idea these errors were even happening!
The sad thing was how easy to fix all the errors ended up being. Most of them were "undefined index" errors that could have been completely avoided with a simple isset() check, but instead ended up throwing an exception, nullifying any code that came after it.
Anyway kids, the moral of the story is don't split up your log files. It makes absolutely no sense and can end up obscuring easily fixable bugs for half a year or more!
Happy coding.6 -
this is how I found this website:
me searching on google, "is java a piece of sh*t"
that's how I reached here6 -
I can't take this anymore...
I'm reviewing n-th PR and I wanna gouge my eyes rn. This is the example I found in one of the PRs (and I could enumerate the examples for a long time...)
Mother****er piece of sh*t.11 -
So a non programmer friend of mine needed an in house time tracking tool and found one on codecanyon. He bought it for 40$ and asked me if I could provide him some Webspace to host it until they deploy it in house. I said yes and took a look at the code as some stuff wasn't really working. All I can say is "wtf is that pile of crap". Nothing works, it looks like it's written by a first grader and it's UI looks like it was assembled by a chimp (well actually I think chimpanzees could make a better UI). Now I am interested the progress of rewriting that tool for him and I am almost done with all functions that thing should have and even more after 6 hours. I wonder if all stuff on codecanyon has the same quality and if, I am considering this as bonus income...5
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Getting "bug" tickets from customers complaining about EXACTLY WHAT I DESCRIBED WOULD HAPPEN. THATS NOT A F&)$*(%$(*# BUG, THATS LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD WHAT I WROTE IN THE TICKET LAST WEEK YOU F&#*(@#$() NEANDERTHAL PIECE OF SH$%*(#(*)!!! WE AGREED ON THIS EXACT BUSINESS PROCESS WEEKS AGO. DO YOU EVEN READ THE WORDS THAT I WRITE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA5
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INTELLIJ YOU PIECE OF SH*T, I CLICKED "SMART CHECKOUT" NOT MERGE 2 UNRELATED BRANCHES, SCREW UP MY MASTER AND DON'T LET ME RETURN UNTIL I FIX ALL MERGE CONFLICTS.3
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Fuck MySQL Workbench!
I have spent 2 fucking days diagramming a 350 table database 3 times over because if it doesn't crash and ignore your saves it corrupts its own data and drops the hours of formatting you've done! Now I'm trying to print an ugly un-formatted piece of sh*t because I need to get on a flight to the meeting I need to present this at and it ignores all my default printer settings and wastes 40 A3 sheets of paper. Does Oracle even use the shit they are releasing? For the love of god if you can't maintain it for free fix your fucking bugs and I will buy a license but I cant keep working like this.6 -
when your mouse is a signal-less piece of sh#* coz you've lost the bluetooth module.... and that makes you a piece of sh#* coz no one said unplugging was needed3
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The thing I hate most about apple is if I were to write an app for iOS for my iPhone using friends I'd have to pay 100€ developer fee and buy a f***ing MacBook. F***ing dictatorial, freedom-hating, money-grabbing, piece of sh*t apple.5
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Having that teacher that just laughs at you and makes you look like an inferior piece of sh*t just cuz you ask a question in CS class..
Any question for that matter
And of course he is the head of department...
And with that: hi guys, i'm new, seems like a lot of fun here :D1 -
Can I please rant? So my Acer Computer started misbehaving and turned my firewall off by itself a few weeks ago. After that, the dumb thing decided to revoke my admin rights, and since I was the ONLY admin, I have zilch admin privileges, can't download any apps, and can't make any new user profiles.
How in the living fu*k am I supposed to do my schoolwork and homework for school on a piece of sh*t computer I paid lots of money for? I have tried the built-in admin trick, and it did NOT work. My other user account I can NOT open, as Windows 10 states that "you need an app to open this".6 -
IT people stereotypes:
young gods = „I know that already for ages. Those senior folks are way too pessimistic and too theoretical.
Give me shell.. wait.. Call me h4ck0r g0d now because I use kali linux.“
("no, you did not learn anything")
senior slow-moes = „could you please retry your last sentence? I just opened my wordpad“
("triple-facepalm")
sales-Sebastian = „Sure we can do that. By intention our solution offers only graphQL access because our design goal is minimalism and simplicity“
(no, your solution is piece of sh*t).
Framework-Fred = „let’s stick to togaf. Please use these terms from the glossary of following data management framework. You can reach me via ITIL process xy“
Nearshore-Naan-Ganjid = „I can program in HTML“
("program")
Feel free to extend5 -
I hate hate hate Windows. I'm forced to use it and the amount of problems is too damn high. I was able to cope with the shit but now it must be the top of the mountain. When I boot that tiny piece of sh** I get to the page where *normally* the login is.. but I just don't get a Username + Password box . The page stays blank with the default wallpaper. Why is stuff like that even happening? Not a single *solution* I found on the internet worked. FML.. going to reset that thing now5
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!dev
Hello there..
I always wanted to have my first post here be something that pisses the sh!t out of me.
tl;dr: Memes are for braindeads and kids are fucktards
Backstory:
So basicaly I am now having a summerjob before my next semester starts so I can make some cash to buy some overpriced stuff I dont probably need. I work at a factory, 3 shift work and today we had Night shift, so there was me and a bunch of Arab guys, kicking our asses by pure boredom and desperacy.
Act One:
I was bored, opened my phone and decided entertain myself by some funny sh!t I can find on Mark Sugarhills webpage. I was just passing by some random a bit funny stuff and then I found some random ass meme, which doesnt give a single, even distant sence to me.. So since my german is as good as my coding skills (read: complete shit) I couldnt ask for opinion of my fellow coworkers and since its fuck1ng 4am theres noone to ask on messenger or whatever. So I did it... I asked in a goddamn comments, what the fck is that supposed to mean and Aw dear Lawd... I did a mistake.
Act 2:
Like 4 seconds after my question I had a response and I was like 0.o It has to be some Alice of Facebook so I guess someone cool. Oh boy I was never so wrong. The answer... the... FUCKING answer was.... "normie."
What the actual fuck?
Like man statisticaly speaking, there is 200,000 people on this wannabe funny site and since everyone is apparently laughing their asses off, I am the motherfucking original snowflake.
But I wanted to play it cool... was like Uhm sorry, I really tried but cant figure it out.
His fuck-me-sideways-with-rusty-crowbar answer was:
a) The joke is hidden in some random thing we created yesterday and decided to call it a culture
b) "u dumb"
Act 3:
I hope that most of you finally guessed it! Its the second fucking answer and oh sweet mother of pain, please find him, BUT thats where I flipped and fucking lost it.
The fucking nerve to speak to me like that u dissrespectful piece of shit. Go watch some Twitch, while I SSH into ur ass and hit u harder than ur mom her forehead everynight when she realises that she could have swallow you dickhead.
Afterthoughts:
I was always worries that my child would like to be a Rapper, or Youtuber...
But today Im adding being some dumb ass meme creator.8 -
How the fuck can people acutally work with freaking windows?!
I use a dual boot with ubuntu and windows, the only reason why there is a small piece of windows is because i like to play games some time, and the freaking developers who are coding them are afraid of windows or whatever ...
Anyway, i wanted to try something with windows and app virtualization which required me to use windows. Holy shit everything is so freaking complicated if you want to do it not with a gui. Need some admin rights, ... no dont use the terminal you need to right click 'run as admin' and shit. I mean wtf?!
How can people who have a freaking idea of what they are doing using windows?!
Every f*cking minute with that shitty os feels like a hour. 2 blue screens so far, and it seems m$ decided to download some updates that freaking block my work and getting my pc to lag ... what a piece of sh*t!21 -
If you don't count meals/toilet breaks/shower then my record would be 15 hours straight (08:00-ish to midnight 24hr clock) for a crap-tier black-white Nonogram/Picross generator that outputs near unsolvable grids because I know sh[BLEEP] on the games' generation algorithm. Yey /s. Petition to open /r/shittyprograms in parallel to /r/shittyrobots to celebrate how shitty my piece of a generator is.
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When interviewing people still ask me if I work with Eclipse. I'm Android dev, why should I ever work with that piece of sh*t of an non-IDE?
Please just don't ask for Eclipse. No sane androider uses it. I don't like to waste my life using the worst software ever made. I would even say that no one should be using it. NetBeans is better, IntelliJ is best.2 -
when the code works: that's f**king easy
when the code doesn't work: what the f**k is going on, you dirty piece of sh*t, you f**king computer, sh**y compiler.
oh, dear! I missed a semicolon1 -
Fuck my company, sincerly.
So Im crunching my ass off, to make product, there is +- fuckton of changes that for example require refactoring flow of certain things, restructure of how shit work, Im +- 2nd weekend now, and most heavy features are cleared.
I work till late. constantly I have someone with stupid shit like calls, indeed Im needed for that stuff but also, that slows down progress of this project. Just sake of example friday 18:00 I had call (I work till 16:00) about new minor and frankly easy feature. Today, morning 8:30 one call, than 13:00 long call, Ive done the feature, didn't push it to alpha. yet though.
Now during that call that started 13:00 I get yelled on that all ordered features aren't on prod yet (I throw them to alpha becouse manual tests must be done as standard here).
Dude what the motherfuck. Im literally wearing my ass off to deliver your stupid product becouse I know its critical for company but it does not mean I can do it all in one fucking night.
F**k off and shut your mouth up and let me work for f**k sakes.
Ah also, stop f**king remotely micromanage me you little piece of sh*t.
Thanx for allowing me to vent out,
Peace.2 -
This is my worst day ever! I so fucking hate the sh**t gitkraken right now! Its always slow and buggy i got it and i accept it but its a lyer!
I wanted to reinstall my pc (linux mint) and before i started i pushed my feature repository to github. The gitkraken shows me its fine i pushed cool down bro. I reinstaled then i see... the f**ing repo is not in the f**ing github.
Right now i have to up all f**ing night, i so pissed off!! I'm new in my company, they hired me because i have a lot of experience on javascript and now, the fucking gitkraken destroyed my entire work.
Okay i know, its my fault to because i not pushed my repo early, but come on!!
Thank you gitkraken! Thank you! I will never use this lyer, slow, buggy piece shit again!!5