What's with some devs around here posting their stories of doing shitty things like they're heroes or something?

Oh, you hacked your former boss and destroyed data because he did something you didn't like?

Oh, you tried to work smart, but then essentially defrauded your client by claiming you had to rewrite the app for another platform?

How many other ones?

It's shit like this that make it harder for the honest developers out there to get a client to actually trust us, and that trust is so important for both sides of a contract.

How can a client who was burned by one of these douche bags trust when another developer actually quotes a rewrite of a code base that is fundamentally flawed?

How about a business partner of the one who was hacked. What if they're as honest as can be, but heard the horror story, and now refuses to entrust anything to their developers?

It makes all our jobs harder and makes us all look like shit.

And here you are, posting it up for those precious ++'s.

Fuck you. Either shape up or do us and your clients a favor and choke on your keyboard.

One million daily users.... Simple goals!

Launching my own tech company, and bringing google down to it's knees with it 🤘

The more you look, the worse it gets

Average Joe: creates a chatting group in WhatsApp

Dev: creates a own chatting app

There is a special corner in heaven for such devs

Had to use a cmd window for adb to push some files to my phone so I could flash them and everyone is staring at me...

It's just a cmd window people... #Hackerman

What do developers love to eat for dessert?

APIe

Being a programmer on a non-tech startup company is not too bad. That means aside from coding:

- You have to check if the office printer works
- You need to figure out why the phone lines aren't ringing
- You have to teach a stupid colleague on how to unzip a file
- When they give you a task, they'll say that it's "not urgent", but, they just "need it by tomorrow"
- You have to be a "mind-reader" because if something goes wrong, they don't know how to describe what's going on. Or probably, they're just too lazy being specific. They'll just say, "Hey, I have a problem.", and you will be like "What problem? Your dog is sick? You shit your pants? You lost your faith in God? Fuck what?"
- You don't have a time to "focus", because everyone interrupts you for just about anything related to "technology". Yeah, because you're the IT guy
- You always have learned and applied the latest practices/stacks, but no one gives a fuck
- You will start to re-think your life and devrants make you feel better

Discovered this awesome community some months ago, and I've finally decided to make an account :D

Guess I should write a rant now.

We were initially a team of 2 to do a 'simple' app with AngularJS, NodeJS and Kendo UI in 2 months.

We had some problems with it, mainly because I'm 'in charge' of a big Java web application filled with legacy code and in process of a 'big change that was planned to be deployed for all users yesterday', and my coworker (also the project analyst) was still learning how Node and Angular work. And I'm not going to lie, I'm still learning new things everyday.

Situation 1 month after our start: coworker fired (due to offtopic reasons), replaced by a younger girl, and me still doing changes in the Java webapp.

Thank god I work better when under big pressure :p

Friend: "How can I check my ip?"
Me: *opens terminal*
Friend: "is this a virus? Please stop"

This may be limited to Germany:

Apparently you can get free vouchers (from 2 to 5 euros in value) on the website "pizza.de".

There is a lottery kind of game right now on this URL: https://pizza.de/casino/

If you just open the developer console and run "win()", you "win" the game and can enter your phone number to get your voucher 🤔

What idiot programmed this?
What idiot reviewed this?
What idiot put this live?

Javascript is McDonald's.

1) everyone says they hate it....but they just keep going back.

2) very few people admit they keep gong back...

3) When McDonald's started doing salads, dressing nice, and delivering to tables it seemed a little much, you're a burger place. A few years later I'm writing my app in react JS, serving up eJS templates with my NodeJS server, running off a NOSQL JSon database, and munching down a Greek salad from McD's.

4) you start your burger (project) with high hopes. As you eat though....you start to regret it, but oh well, you're halfway in. By the end, never again, last time. A little while later, npm asks you if you'd like fries with that.

Feel free to disagree or add more!

More than 1.5k lines of code within a function, I love the old school php </3

Teacher: *writes <!doctype html> in his web page*

Teacher: Of course we're going to use HTML 5 for our application!

Also teacher: *continues to demonstrate <center> and <font> tags*

Ffs...

Having to submit code in a word doc... 😬

Argh... Fuck you with a rusty pole while monkeys hanging on them. Why the fuck did you not take the extra five minutes that would have been taken to restrict that fucking datepicker to not allow users to pick a date before the current day??

Thanks to you asshole I've managed to book my accommodation from February 2nd to 4th instead of March.

Now I don't have anywhere to sleep while I must go there for the weekend because I have some course to attend to.

Abso-fucking-lutely great.

My worst nightmare:

it's not the code what's wrong during testing.

It's the unit tests themselves

Prof: So yeah this is going to be difficult. We're going to make the scalable math library. Then we have to make a functional finite elements library using that. Then make a multiphysics engine using that library. This could easily take your entire PhD. Are you prepared for that?

Me: May I show you something?

Prof: Sure, sure.

Me, showing him: We can use moose to code in the multiphysics. It's built atop libmesh for the finite elements. Which can be built with a petsc backend. Which we can run on GPUs and CPUs, up to 200k cores. All of this has been done for us. This project will, at worst, take a couple months.

Prof: ...

Guys, libraries. Fucking. Libraries. Holy fucking shit.

So, a few weeks ago I asked you guys what would you do if you were to quit your current job. I attempted a start-up with an old "friend" of mine.

He was very enthusiastic and hardworking at the beginning. However he received a job offer from somewhere and told me that he would work there just until we found the company officially and then quit and work full time on the project.

Well... I put around 300 hours into the project and developed the system, did most of my part according to the plan but the guy didn't deliver anything.

Turned out he had another secret partner whom he first introduced me as his mentor. I had my suspicions and suddenly shut down API servers, project management domain and mail server. Suddenly the quiet guy called me asking if I was alright and everything was fine.

Then, nothing happened. He went radio silence until I called him last night and he picked up the phone drunk and mumbled something like "I'm aware of you being a victim" then went to "you're passive aggresive" or something like that and I said nothing, just hung up.

I think you can figure out what went down on the other side and I'd like to hear your scenarios.

PS: now I have another start-up idea: I'm gonna pick up a flamethrower and burn the world while laughing histerically. Anyone who'd like to join is welcome.

*casually programming stuff*
*Sudden need to open cmd arises*

Me: *opens cmd and starts typing, when it hits me*
"Fuck"

Friend: "what happended?"

Me: "i forgot to turn on hackermode"
*enters "color 0a"*
"Better"

Friend: *chuckles angerly*

!rant

Somebody is having fun today 👍

Just realised that the css tag
!important does the opposite of what a dev would understand 😂

I didn't get to code today.

But there was cake, and it was delicious!

Big IT consulting company ask us (small web agency) to develop the "html" code for a web app for their client. (They'll want the front-end to implement it in Cordova or other shit tools they use).

I had to use some "includes" in php, for header and footer, because for 50 pages it'll be tedious to edit a thing (the design is not definitive yet) without open all the .html files individually and replicate the edits in all the pages.

We've delivered the package containing all the pages and a "inc" folder for the header and the footer. The pages have the extension *.php

Their pm ask us why we didn't do it in html, since they expected that.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Why the fuck do some people need to talk so much while working?
Let me code in peace, damnit. 😒

So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.

Backstory:
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.

(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)

According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.

It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.

Got 'em. All the way from NYC to Asia. Thanks Team DevRant.

I'm taking a unit at my university called 'simulation and modeling'. Today was the first class and the professor was talking about random number generators.

Professor: Every language has a function to generate...Every good(emphasis on good) language has a function to generate a random number... Oh well even php does...

😂😂😂😂I'm already in love with the unit...