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So it’s not been announced yet so I can’t tell anyone else other than my wife but I need to say it somewhere and this is anonymous....
I’VE JUST BEEN PROMOTED!! Technical Lead!!! And a 14% raise!!
Yay!!!14 -
Had a conversation with someone a little while ago. I opened my email app (TutaNota) and he asked what the hell that email thingy was. Explained the encrypted/privacy reasons.
"Why would you encrypt everything?"
Because I have stuff to hide. Do you?
"Nahh I just use outlook, I have nothing to hide".
Told him to email me all his usernames/passwords, bank statements, porn preferences, emails, messages etc etc.
"But that's private data!".
Exactly.
"But I thought you meant like crime/illegal stuffs etc"
Nope. I just asked if you had anything to hide, you interpreted that as having anything non-lawfully to hide. I never even asked anything in relation to non-lawful stuff.
Because, having something to hide doesn't mean it's criminal/illegal, it means you'd like to keep that stuff private.29 -
An area sales rep once rang me to tell me his iPhone screen was cracked and was going blurry around some sections.
I told him to fetch me to look, and I will see what I can do.
5 minutes later I get a SCREENSHOT from his phone asking if I can see the crack and blurry edges.
HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE THESE PEOPLE!!!
I mean, come on. He seriously said when I called him: "But I can see the crack and blurry bits on the screenshot on my phone"4 -
Guy left his computer unlocked. Boss came over looking for him, sat down at his computer and opened lots of porn and left saying 'that will teach him'.10
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* The app is almost ready, boss asked me to show the progress.
Boss: The design is bad, I don't like it 🤔
Me: I just implemented the design, which is approved
Boss: Really? because I "feel" that the design is bad on the screen.
Me: Okay 😐, can you tell me what exactly the part to change?
Boss: I don't know, *calls the designer
Designer: *showing his PSDs* yes it is the same, and you [the boss] approved it.
Boss: Ok make some changes to make it feel better.
Me: (Inside: 😡 ) ok, have you some suggestions?
Boss: dunno,
Me: at least tell me what is wrong with it
Boss: dunno
Me:🤢25 -
He wanted a project.
I gave him a project.
He wanted to collaborate.
We did collaborate.
He wrote nothing.
He left the project.
I have to finish the project...7 -
Me: Goodnight!!
Brain: psst..
Me: What?
Brain: How can you just leave that piece of code behind? Unfinished?7 -
For this episode of practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker were going to move past developers and go straight to a CEO.
*sitcom audience oooooohhhhhhh*
I know! , always risky, everyone has a bad story, but lets try bring it home. Here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 2, "R".
R was ... now how do I say this ... R was a special kind of Bastard. A perfect blend of impatient, arrogant, a dickhead and to borrow a phrase from family guy "below the line of mental retardation".
I've actually spoken about him recently here: https://devrant.com/rants/1141873/...
I won't bother duplicating the content here, but its worth a read.
Some of the other highlights of R include:
- Not understanding that my first demo was UI / Frontend only (despite frequent explanations). I didn't slack off for the next 2 weeks, I was busy making all those buttons actually do stuff and connect to the server. Shockingly "Test 1", "Test 2" and "Lorem ipsum" wasn't our content.
- He once asked how long a bunch of tasks was going to take, I told him 2 weeks and he gave me 2 and a half days. He pulled me into a meeting the next week to see where it all was, and I literally sat there saying "I asked for 2 weeks" over and over until he shut up.
- R's favourite phrase was "when I was a developer", typically followed by some sort of insult, forever labelling him "asshole" by everyone who has ever worked for him.
- When apple launched iOS 7 and changed the UI and the methods you could use, he refused to invest the time in upgrading to iOS 7, but demanded the app look like an iOS 7 app. No amount of "There is no method to access the status bar in iOS 6" could make him comprehend the issue at hand.
- The worst was when I was dealing with an issue to do with 64bit being introduced (which I tried to explain ... christ give me strength). When another dev fixed a similar but unrelated issue he stood up in front of the office and said loudly "pfft practiseSafeHex tried to tell me this was something to do with 64bit, which made absolutely no sense, guess he doesn't know what he's talking about"
Thankfully I handed in my notice ... after less than 2 months, making in abundantly clear why. Will R make it to the top of the list of most incompetent?
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!12 -
Don't know if it's up here, found it on r/ProgrammerHumor and thought it deserved to be shared :)
28 -
Me: I need a Windows PC to test my code on.
Server dude: We don't have any free, but I can setup an old server for you.
Me: 🤔 .. I'll take it!
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