Every damn time.

Oh!! Nevermind!!

Professor: "Who here regularly backs up all their data?"
*Some people raise their hands*
Professor: "Who has at some point lost their data?"
*The exact same people raise their hands*

Interview

HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?

ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.

*silence*

Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"

Me : I need to give Tom a wash.

GF (Smashed table, angrily) : Tom is your Keyboard, stop giving everything a name.

Me : you hurt poor George!

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

My stressball went on vacation

So I accidentally published my AWS keys to GitHub, stupid me. I realize this the next day.

$ git reset
$ git push
Reset keys in AWS

I was too late. Bot already stole the keys and started up 53 EC2 instances. Racked up $4000+ of compute time (probably Bitcoin mining, I'd assume)

4 weeks later, I finally have this shit disputed and settled.

Don't test with hardcoded keys. You WILL forget about them. Env vars always. That is all.

I think Linux is indeed Userfriendly, there are just Users which aren't Computerfriendly.

*me coding in Atom in world history class*
*Teacher walks over*
Teacher: Are you on task?
Me: I'm taking notes.
Teacher: It doesn't look like it.
Me: I set a dark theme for Microsoft Word.
*Teacher walks away*

A system administrator has two problems:
1. stupid users
2. smart users

admin
admin

They break your heart too 😭💔

Every programmers dream convo

CSS - keep guessing the values until it looks fine.

Today I presented a client with their new website.

Feedback from the owner was "I fucking love it".
Got a cash bonus and a bottle of champagne before leaving.

Today was a good day!

School time, programming class:
Girl: Hey, Can you help me?
Me: Sure, what's up?
G: I have an error but I don't know why
M: *looks at error stack trace* You're missing a semicolon in line 133 *puts comma, run... 27 more errors* Well, you have more issues up there, why don't you try to fix them?
G: Oh, Ok, thanks
-- 1 hour later --
G: Hey, can you come? I already fixed the other issues but I still have one I can't fix
M: *checks code, same mistake I fixed, missing semicolon, same line* Why did you erase the semicolon?
G: Oh, because if I erase it, I only have 1 error, but if I leave it, I have 27 so....
M: *turn around, walk away*

Interviewer:Explain us deadlock and we'll hire you !

Me:Hire me and I'll explain it to you..

made my day

If you're reading this you're doing it wrong.