Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

It feels stupid to see a simple google dork returning the list of your mistakes.

Simple way of storing keys.

So I accidentally published my AWS keys to GitHub, stupid me. I realize this the next day.

$ git reset
$ git push
Reset keys in AWS

I was too late. Bot already stole the keys and started up 53 EC2 instances. Racked up $4000+ of compute time (probably Bitcoin mining, I'd assume)

4 weeks later, I finally have this shit disputed and settled.

Don't test with hardcoded keys. You WILL forget about them. Env vars always. That is all.

Login :
Username - admin
Password - admin

"Can you give me an estimate on how long it will take you to fix this bug?"

"That's like asking how long it will take to find my keys."

*Dev in his 40's from our counter-part office.

Me: Here's my SSH keys.

Dev: What's this?

Me: SSH keys. Give me access to the repository.

Dev: We don't use any version control here. Let's just use FTP or Remote Desktop and just download the codes.

To the MSI genius that decided to put the < and } keys in two completely random and non-standard positions: 🖕🖕🖕🖕

Microsoft is investing in Git, VSCode, Electron, Github, Bash-on-Windows. Things that decentralize and help prevent lock-in.
Apple is taking away the only universal cross platform graphics system (OpenGL), locking developers into Metal, and taking away our escape keys.

Every computer needs a “cleaning keyboard” mode where the keys would be inactive while you wipe them down

Dumbest arrow key design ever.

Dear me,

We have noticed you uploaded files to a public github with your API keys in plaintext.

Please proceed to bang head against desk until you have learned your lesson.

Sincerely me.

Team Lead: Anyone has any concern on their tasks? I'll see what I can do to help.
Me: Yeah I'm afraid I would not be able to finish my task on time because of its complexity.
Team Lead: Try harder.

What's the point of asking?

Friend: Hey, I managed to build my own UI.
Me: That's great, which programming language did you use?
Friend: Filezilla.
Me: No, I mean the language. The language you code in to build your UI ?
Friend: Notepad ++

KILL ME.

GitHub: a marketplace for publicly available API keys

Hit Save shortcut keys another 4 times just to be sure..

I generated my first SSH keys today. Am proud.

Dear outsourced developers. Don't send me your private SSH key by email. I don't need it, it allows me to access anything else you can access pretending I'm you, and it shows a misunderstanding of how SSH keys work. 🤦🏻‍♂️

I have never ever wanted to turn sticky keys on...

So Scratch is well crazy ass stupid, but for kids this is freaky awesome for a simple game builder that gets them interested.

This thing took like 10 minutes to make 😂

Move the witch with arrow keys and score points for catching the Ghouls.

"Well I don't know what foreign keys are so we won't be using them."

Sigh...

Disabled fucking arrows keys in vim. Life is hell now.

I will be posting a lot more rants from now on as I am learning vim so bear with me.

we had this guy once, who we gave access to our private repo. everything's all good until we noticed that our amazon bill was USD 8,000+!!! we found out that lots of servers got created and that's bec. this guy forked our private repo and his fork was a public one. our keys were still not in .env files and were part of the commit so some bot got hold of it and accessed our amazon account. we suspected that the servers were used for bitcoin mining. anyway guy was fired on the spot and we also learned our lesson to keep keys out of repos.

Status update after my first day of my internship:
I realized I know literally nothing about SSH Keys.

Bye.

My coworker shared account keys of Amazon aws on a public repo at Github. Took me around 3 days to find out and about 20 ec2 instances were created and running by a hacker...

When writing a JavaScript guide, please don't use emojis as keys in objects. Or anywhere else in code. Zoomers will think it's common practice.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Sincerely,
everyone

When you get so excited you burst out signing "🎶MY CODE IS ON FIRE🎶"(Alicia keys "this girl is on fire" reference) forgetting your in a room with your fellow developers.....

5 minutes later there still laughing

I don’t think I will ever be able to get used to this style of arrow-keys.

My colleagues broke down our AWS account by hard coding the AWS access API keys and pushing the same code to a public repository. This took down our system for nearly 3 days.

Encountered this is my computer science lab.

One of the most useless keys. Majority doesn't know what it does. And now there's two of it xD

So I am running this crypto project that has dynamically generated private keys for a wallet stored in a Redis database. Nowhere else. The keys are generated on the fly.

At the moment of the happening the wallet had over 3.000 USD on it. I am testing new code locally, supposedly on a local Redis DB. Of a sudden, my code wipes the crypto keys and it turns out that I was connected to the live instance. 😱 Better don't ask me how.

Shock of my life. You know, when you turn pale and dark in your eyes, blood stops in your veins and you just want to die? Worst-case scenario that could have happened. All that money lost in crypto space.

Turns out, my good Redis hosting company kept backups for the past 7 days. Keys restored. Happiest moment of my life.

Oh Lenovo, why swap the FN and the CTRL keys, WHY DAMMIT??!!!!

When you get fed up of using up and down keys to initiate commands, so you just create 2 extra command prompts and color code them so you know which one does what.

All my 'real life' friends like:

- Why do you need two monitors?

- Why does your keyboard has keys that do nothing when pressed?

- You have a controller on pc?

- Hehehe. I found a funny meme on 9gag -.-

The designer of this keyboard should be shot on sight! A set of keys left of ctrl, shift, tab...except esc of course. Pure evil! I'm changing the volume, every time that I have to use shift... :/

I really miss the days when Windows XP had product keys on stickers stuck to computer cases. If I ever needed an XP product key, I just went to Staples and wrote one down from one of the machines on display.

SQL gives me a hard on right now.

Two tables, 954 rows and 9414, connected via foreign keys and shit.

SELECT a_id,name,shit FROM table1 a JOIN table2 b ON a.id = b.a_id WHERE ((lower(name) LIKE '%lorem%') OR MATCH(name) AGAINST('lorem' WITH QUERY EXPANSION) OR name SOUNDS LIKE 'lorem')

and you got fuzzy search with resolved keys to another table in 0.047 sec, fuck me dude.

Because of hardware failure we had to move some vpns from one datacenter to another.

The team of highly untrained monkeys at my hosting provider were hired to do this. First they ran backups of all the systems. Then they started the moving process. A few hours later they were done. We got an email everything was back online.

So we restarted all our processes and no data was coming in from our Raspberry's around the country. So we start a little investigation. What did these buffons do, they changed our rsa keys.

So we kindly ask them to put the old keys back so we do not have to fix 200 changed key warnings on systems that are not remotely accesible.

Apperently something that can't be done because their back up process is automated and always makes new keys.

Holy fucking fuck, whats the point in having a backup its not an exact copy. Is this fucking normal?

Now I will be spending the next few weeks literally standing in cow shit reconnecting Raspberry's.

Thanks a fucking lot. Not!

The use of git and understanding/working with foreign keys and performing (including the understanding) JOIN queries.

Also, it took me years and to understand OOP.

When think back to my code from before that, my brain spontaneously starts bleeding.

The worst part about using the computers at my school is that my $200 mechanical rgb programmable keyboard with macro keys is at home.

For the first time in 18 years, it only takes two keys to type the year. (2002)

Got new key caps for my keyboard, now I'm motivated to code!!

I'm a web developer and know jack about hardware. My wife's personal laptop was going very slow so decided to upgrade to a SSD. How hard could it be?

Turns out to be very fiddly trying to disconnect and reconnect 4 ribbon cables. To get to the HD and replace it.

Restarted laptop and thought it was all good, but only certain keys worked and the mouse pad moved but didn't click?!?

Had to take it apart and reconnect twice more but now it's fully functioning once again.

Sticking to software in future. Massive respect to hardware specialists!

omg apple does not like to make things easy! Trying to set up developer accounts for a company but a company can't be an agent? a team member who isn't an agent can't create certificates or keys?

Android development seems so easy and nice now

There's a special place in hell for those who don't provide keyboard shortcuts for commonly used commands.

It's shared with those who don't display the shortcut keys in the menus, so you can learn them.

Fun fact: WASD keys are actually named after their directions
W — Wupwards
A — Am going left
S — South
D — Definitely right

I've set up my server to only accept logins with SSH-keys, and permanently banning all IP:s that attempt login with passwords.

Now I can't stop watching the banned IP:s stacking up, it's like drugs to me.

Do you want to enable sticky keys ?

I've been training a client for a few months now to not use Slack for sharing passwords and other secure materials.

I really thought I had made great progress. I even had him using a password manager. Then out of nowhere he sends the wildcard SSL key pair to me and a handful of other devs in a Slack thread.

At least we aren't storing important information like medical records. Oh wait, that's exactly what we're doing.

A few hours ago I decided it was a good idea to to clean up my keyboard. I did so and took a walk leaving the keys to dry.

After I came back I hoovered the -board and decided to put back the keys. I started with the special keys since they were the easiest to find (and some required a metal thing).

Now, I was quickly made aware of something that I had never known nor noticed before. Bear with me here as I'm not a person that cares too much about hardware unless I need to. (Hardware here meaning stuff like mice, keyboards, headsets, and stuff like that). But I learned that

Not all keys are the same size. They look really similar to someone like me. But I manned up and put the keys back.

A little under 1.5 hours later and I now posses a keyboard that is in uncanny valley. It doesn't feel like it though, and it shouldn't be that big of a problem since I never look at my keyboard anyway.

Messaged one of my m8's about and this was his reply

"nope
one kind per row
usually says the row on the underside"

Now fantasize about the elasmobranch fish which is characterized by a cartilaginous skeleton of which I am the proprietor at what he said. I pulled a key out and, sure enough, "C28 R1".

Now I am not sure about the 28th column, but it did fit in the first row.

Fuck me

!rant
!!pride

I tried finding a gem that would give me a nice, simple diff between two hashes, and also report any missing keys between them. (In an effort to reduce the ridiculous number of update api calls sent out at work.)

I found a few gems that give way too complicated diffs, and they're all several hundred lines long. One of them even writes the diff out in freaking html with colors and everything. it's crazy. Several of the simpler ones don't even support nesting, and another only diffs strings. I found a few possibly-okay choices, but their output is crazy long, and they are none too short, either.

Also, only a few of them support missing keys (since hashes in Ruby return `nil` by default for non-defined keys), which would lead to false negatives.

So... I wrote my own.
It supports diffing anything with anything else, and recurses into anything enumerable. It also supports missing keys/indexes, mixed n-level nesting, missing branches, nil vs "nil" with obvious output, comparing mixed types, empty objects, etc. Returns a simple [a,b] diff array for simple objects, or for nested objects: a flat hash with full paths (like "[key][subkey][12][sub-subkey]") as top-level keys and the diff arrays as values. Tiny output. Took 36 lines and a little over an hour.

I'm pretty happy with myself. 😁

Not being able to raise volume of my laptop with only one hand because the fn and f11 keys are just one hand and 3mm apart really kills me !

!rant
Damn github is da shit.
I'm sure all of those people who ranted about committing their passwords and keys will be happy
PS. I don't know if this is new but I'm happy either way :D

Translated this golden bit from the Norwegian comic "Lunch" for you guys👍🏻

Frame 3:
Kjell: You see? Worn out again!
Tech: I can see that. How about we only replace the keys not working.

Frame 4:
Tech: ctrl + c ... and?
Kjell: V

😁🤓🎉

When you have all the keys of the hash map, but you don't have the key to her heart.

I hate those movies/tv series in programmer just tap on some keys and says it's done. this makes programming/coding looks so easy.

FUCK YOU MAN ITS NOT EASYYYY

When your boss asks you to add 200 products to the system.......

MANUALLY.

How the hell does PR containing production secrets and private keys gets 3 approvals and gets merged upstream? 😬 🥴

You know you're in the wronk place, when the prod sql table have 473 columns, 0 index, 0 keys and the frontend is made in ms access. And the only possible way to connect to the (virtualized server) database is through citrix...

Vendor: We are very professional and follow best practices, we know what we are doing. You should trust us.

Also Vendor 5 mins later: DB passwords, API keys and SSH keys in repo. AWS Access Keys shared in screenshots in email.

Me: 😭

Wasted a total of 4 plus hours. Realized one of the windows registry keys I created wasn't working due to a typo. "comand" instead of "command". FML

Sometimes my "L" keys stops working. Then I have to plug in another keyboard to press the "L" key there. After that I can unplug the second keyboard since the original key started to work again.

While reviewing some DB work, I asked why most of the tables in the database didn't have indexes (some didn't even have primary keys).

He answered: "Well I thought they really didn't neeeeeeed them?"

Me: pipes something to less
Me: Find the info I need
Me: Press Ctrl+C to close less
*Nothing*
Me: Furiously smashes keys on keyboard
Me: Googles 'how to close less'
:q

Oh finally I figured out how to use SSH pubkeys! It's simple:
1. Generate a public key on client
2. Somehow transfer it to server
3. Put it into user's authorized_ keys files
4. Now you can login as the user whp has your key in authorized_keys

FML

brought my children to the childcare, went home and I am faced with A FUCKING CLOSED DOOR OF MY HOME WITHOUT ANY KEY and MY COMPANY NOTEBOOK, WALLET AND KEYS INSIDE!!! 😬

iEscape, the solution for missing keys in your MacBook Pro Late 2016.

Vim users, Apple have you covered!

HOLY SHIT DIHDJEIDXJG I DID NOT REALIZE THESE TWO KEYS WERE HERE. HOW HAVE I BEEN SO BLIND. NOW I CAN MAKE MULTILIJE COMMENTS AT EASE. HRHDHXHZHSH. AHAHAAHHAAAHAH

This is the fucking data warehouse............

10 FUCKING INDEXES IN THE ENTIRE THING!

Btw...that includes Primary Keys

When my poorly drawn character moves when i press the arrow keys.

My worst bad practice:

Saving my Linux Root SSH Keys on a Cloud Storage company.

Have them there, so I wont loose them ever. I password protected them, but you never know what the NSA/FBI/CIA can do 😉

Every time I finish a project and have spent days mashing keys and gulping coffee to bring a simple but yet delicate thought to life.

I didn't need it so far, haha.
I thought it would be good some programmable keys to write System.out.println and other codes 🤔

!dev
So my friend hit me with his car keys this Friday. Coming together nicely...

People who savagely strike the keys on their keyboard when they type. Why??!! Do you find it more effective somehow?

Not sure if it was 2016 or late 2015, but it's a fun story anyway (and if it's not you'll at least learn something from it).

Back at the time I was quite new to unit testing (weird how it has become second nature in a years time). I was writing some software that was supposed to send out some SMS to customers. Of course this had to be tested. However, it was a bit difficult to test (or so I thought) without actually receiving an SMS to know if it was sent. So I decided to use the live API key to make sure the sending of SMS was actually working correctly. I tried it a few times but didn't receive an SMS. So I kept working on it and running tests.

The testing setup I had at the time was just a continues loop that went through all tests to make sure it all still worked (I've moved to only checking on file changes now, but that is besides the point). Keep in mind I was still running these tests, in a loop, with the _live_ API key.

So the end of the working day arrives and I go home and sit in the train. All of the sudden I receive some test SMS. I was thinking "hey nice, it did work". Then I started receiving more. It soon turned out to be an alarmingly big amount of SMS. It stopped around 100, but don't think that was the end of it. Oh no. I had changed the number to send the SMS to from my own number to a different number (+31612345678 to be exact, which I found out later isn't an actual phone number. I really hope I was right about that). I was beginning to become nervous, but there wasn't much I could do.

The next day I returned to work and checked the API for sent SMS. Turns out I had sent a couple of thousand (I think between two and three thousand) SMS in a couple of hours. Most of them to the test number I had supplied.

This probably cost the company a couple of hundred euros. Luckily my colleagues and team leader all thought it was pretty funny, but did tell me not to do it again. And I haven't of course.

Lesson learned: don't use live API keys during testing (among other things :)).

So yeah that was probably my worst dev experience.

You know you need to take a break when you start scrolling through webpage using `j` and `k` keys

At an auto parts store and was taking a look at the UI.

I FOUND A DINOSAUR!

More realistically I saw F20 as a shortcut key. How I know it wasn’t a typo? There was also F16. Wow. Even their keyboard stop at F12.

Talk about legacy program.

finally, managed to learn moving in vim with hjkl instead of arrow keys.

Just noticed that the media control keys on my keyboard are recognized by the Google Play Music webapp

I'm currently explaining how SSH Keys work, did I do well?

So I have the new Mac book pro for 8 months now, always thought that the butterfly keyboard issue will never happen to me.

Until three days ago I noticed my space key is kinda sticky.
I have an external monitor so I don’t recall any time I spill water or food directly on the keyboard.

So I made an appointment for a walk in.

BUT this morning, I was like: man, fuck this shit and smashed the space key.

Now it’s fixed.

Good

Any recommendation for a decent mechanical number pad? It seems either too expensive or using knock-off keys...

How rich could you become by selling secret keys found in open source github repo's?

NO, FOR THE 10TH FUCKING TIME I DON'T WANT TO TURN ON STICKY KEYS

Oh shit, a 16 yo guy come with a MacBook Air to repair.
“My mom hide the Mac in the oven. And my dad to preheat the oven...”
Really?? Yep, all keyboard keys jumped but he boots normally after disconnect/reconnect internal battery.

Note to my future self:
A 2048Bit SSH key is minimum,
4096Bit is good enough
8182Bit is too much
16364Bit... why do I even bother about this size

You've got to be kidding?

You look like someone who unironically puts “JSON” on their resume as one of programming languages they know.

You probably have casual pictures of Dan Abramov saved on your phone.

Now go finish your top 10 coding productivity lifehacks insta tiktok, or go adjust your standing desk one more time, or go type on your custom mechanical keyboard (which probably has different switches for functional keys. Should I call the keys “functional” if a person like this is the only person who presses them though?)

Yeah, you’re a rockstar. Yeah, that next medium article you’ll write is gonna make you famous. Yeah.

My wife was done with exercises on her electronic 88 keys piano.
Me: I also know something nice.
Her: oh so?
Me: (repeatedly typing key #3)
Her: (thinking)
Her: C hacking?!

So at the old job, i needed support for an issue relating to Amazon S3. We used a third party Python plugin for sending files to our buckets, but had some pretty severe performance issues when trying a 2-way sync.
Naturally, I sought help on StackOverflow, and was asked to share my config. Without much thought, I pasted the config file.
Next comment made me aware that our API id and key was listed in this config (pretty rediculous to keep such private info in the same file as configuration, but oh well).
I edited my question and removed the keys, and did not think about the fact that revisions are stored.

Two weeks later, my boss asks me if I know why the Amazon bill is for 25.000$ when it used to be <100$ 😳

I've never been so scared in my life. Luckily, Amazon was nice enough to waive the entire fee, and I leaned a little about protecting vital information

What is the condition to join two tables ?
Programmer: primary keys match.
Non-Programmer: The tables height must match.😐

One time I took out a colleagues letter keys except the ones needed to spell freezer (in croatian) and left the message freezer on the keyboard, took the remaining keys, put them in a bottle which I filled with water and put them in the freezer overnight (left work the day before earlier than him).
A positive was that the keys were real clean. Negative was the rest of the keyboard was dirty :)
Was a good laugh, though.

I was deaf but now i'm half blinded ! :/
(Glad i know the place of the keys)

So boered cuz i cant code or even read a book!
FUUUUUCK !!!!

I just managed to configure a second keyboard to map its keys to separate keycodes. Basically, I should be able to use it as a complete macro deck 😏 Thank god for Linux

Loving everything about the new Apple keyboard except the cursor keys. Moving up and down is soooooooooo fliddly!

I really need to kick Tim Cook in the ass.
“Everything Works”, yeah tell that to your dead dog.
Debugging watchos experience:
I need to uninstall main app for watch app to register changes in code.
Xcode crashes during debugging.
Cannot SET custom keys in Info.plist, in watch target, ohhhh goood, but thats where app configuration is set, how and why do you care about simple string keys!!! What now i need to send that configuration from main app??
Tim Cook just go die please, you have ruined apple.

You're a developer?

Fix the TV. Fix the wifi connection. Fix the remote control.

not mine... from 9gag and i think we all need this

Next week, I'll be with a new company - this week I'm scouring the corporate laptop for all the places I stashed personal SSH keys and AWS credentials.

What is the porpose of this key next to the left shift??? Instead of giving me a wider shift key, you gave me two forward slash keys... WHY?! I suspect Microsoft is behind that.

Does anyone else have a preferred side to use the Crtl/shift/alt keys?

I've almost always used the keys on the left side of keyboard.

When creating auto incrementing integer keys on a MySQL database, please mark then as unsigned, you don’t need a negative primary key 😞😞😞

Fuck you windows 10. Fuck you private keys. Fuck you tortoise git. Fuck you git bash. Fuck you cygwin. Want 3x hours of my life back. Had an auth problem... Had to reinstall all the above on windows to connect to my private repo. Took me 5 minutes to connect after reinstalling all the tools. Grrrrrrr. And I'll never know why it wouldn't connect apart from fatal protocol error: bad line length character..I tried ever stack overflow answer... I nearly bricked my gitlab CE...and it was windows being a motherslut

My boss's SQL schema has no foreign keys and he said he left them out intentionally because they should be handled in the application layer and they're a large performance impact.

This is a fresh greenfield project and he's already pre-optimizing for problems we don't have yet, on things that may or not be bottlenecks using ideas (e.g. foreign keys have huge performance costs on mariadb/auora) with no hard data or facts to back them up.

Let's start a new project with some technical debt!

foreign keys, please

kthxbye

Ctrl and S will definitely be the first keys I have to replace...
Hitting them after every keystroke I make.
Safety first kids!

C and V keys on my imac keyboard have started fading out

IT'S CAPS RANT TIME!
MYSQL ERRORS ARE SO USELESS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I JUST WANT TO ADD A FOREIGN KEY BUT 'Cannot add foreign key constraint' KEEPS COMING UP, AND THE STACK OVERFLOW ANSWERS INDICATE THAT IT COULD BE -LITERALLY- ANYTHING!

THIS IS OF COURSE, AFTER PHPMYADMIN GIVES ITS OWN ERRORS FOR TRYING TO USE THE DESIGNER TO ADD THE RELATION. IT ONLY WANTS UNIQUE FOREIGN KEYS, DESPITE ONE OF THE MAIN USES OF FOREIGN KEYS BEING MANY-TO-MANY AND ONE-TO-MANY RELATIONS!

MacBook Pro's (2017) keyboard is a fucking nightmare. So far Ive had more than 10 keys being detached from the keyboard. Luckily Apple has replaced those keys for free but this should not be a fucking problem on a $2600 laptop. Fucking hell.

Can you tell what keys were used the most?

Got to clean the keyboard now.

I noticed this morning that someone switched the keys around on my keyboard. I asked my coworkers about it and they said they did that as a prank went I was out on vacation. That was the first week of August and I just noticed...

After many teeth clenching failed deployment to production attempts and finally realizing I forgot didn't add ssh keys

Question for vim veterans:

I am fairly confident with vim. I know a couple of commands like delete line, delete under cursor, copy, paste, undo and stuff like that.

So in command mode it's hjkl to move the cursor, which is a good idea because I won't have to move my right palm to the arrow keys.

However, in insert mode, if I needed to move the cursor, I would still have to move my left palm to the esc key in order to use hjkl. Why not just use the arrow keys then?

neat, ansible control server on my phone, now I can transfer my playbooks and ssh keys and have it execute things on the go.

My CTO uses an array instead of objectto keep list of items with random numerical keys. I told him you’re creating multiple unintended undefined members in between, he said: yeah that’s how silly JavaScript is :-|

Fuck..I lent someone my laptop and they returned it with a different power adapter and most of the keyboard keys don't respond when I press them. Now I can't code or do anything coz all I ever do is code, really.

Well since vim & git has already been said gpg. you can use it as ssh keys and sign your commits to make sure nothing nasty is added to a git repo under your name

Putting the API keys, secrets and passwords in the code and pushing it to git.

So, I'll explain how my day went with just 2 sentences.

1: Difference between crontab -e and crontab -r.
2: The keys 'E' and 'R' are right next to each other!

If you've understood what just happened, your next question should be "Jason, which environment?"

"PRODUCTION!!!"

Nothing better than watching sshd generate a new set of keys every time you boot your 300Mhz ARM processor. Just because the entire filesystem is in RAM.

my phone based set up. guess who provisions all the phones to our platform. then tests 9 million phones and takes the flack when users press incorrect keys or their internet goes down on site and it 'must be a provisioning issue'......this asshole.

I went on vacation, and when I came back, they had removed all of the keys from my keyboard and put them in a bag, and placed the bag and my mouse and some other items in my overhead bin, and then they closed it and locked it, and my desk, and stuffed the keys up in the overhead bin, and this innocent little guy was hanging by a noose from the ceiling over my desk.

Swapped the F10 and F11 keys on sister's keyboard. She can't figure out why F11 won't go Fullscreen

*sets up digital ocean droplet
*adds ssh keys, enables private networking, hooks it into everything else
*adds roots in pycharm
*realizes I forgot to set it up with the one click app I wanted
*destroys droplet
*repeat

>use atom
>move hand from home row to arrow keys to mous to home row
>start getting annoyed
>remember vim did this weird hjkl thingy I always wondered why
>discover atom vim-mode-plus
>fall in love with all the amazing things vim can apparently do

So, apple has removed function keys from its laptops...

Yep.

Keysoup

Safari 💩

Dev: Woah look at this code! I might be a genius!

Also dev a few months later: Woah WTH is this shit? Was I totally dumb or what?

Typing email, tries to skip current song using keyboard multimedia key, ends up sending email... Welp Sharon I said what I said 🤣

I just want to thank Apple that has switched the Alt and Cmd keys. Every time I use an external keyboard I thank them...

Tarball of source code from a big manufacturer served on their open src page...
They forgot to delete the .git subdir!
Private keys and signing tools for everybody!!!!

P.S It's fixed by now, don't get your hopes up :P

How the hell some devs are releasing to production before passing to QA, Alpha testing, staging at least handle all type of errors and hide your API Keys.

We had a system in the office were just pressed 0 on the keyboard to go back one step in the program. My kast day at the worn I removed all 0 keys from all the keyboards in the offfice and hid them.

I noticed Facebook allowed vim keys navigation, I didn't realise this until I had scrolled through at least half a dozen posts.

I love when teachers know nothing about technology and when something closes, or in their mind “their pc breaks”, they hit a bunch of random buttons or keys and make it worse.

Sooooooo…. The other day I committed a change with this message:

“Committing the ultimate sin in committing secret keys again however this repo is and will always be private and my pis will be hidden on my network so it shouuuuuuld be fine... right...”

Storing private keys for code signing on SVN.

Why do I have a hard time finding a new job when senior devs are not only changing the data model, but naming keys "key" and "value"!?
"Oh look, a SQL error."

Never had a truly bad experience with a designer but once one mentioned offhand that the unique keys that we were using to secure access to sensitive information should be only 4 characters long because it looks better that way...

I kept them at 16

The programmer is seated behind the piano.
He then looks at the piano keyboard and explains:
'The keys are quite uncomfortable, the distance from the up and down is very long...'
But it's awesome that the shift can be pushed by the leg.

Greetings from Estonia

I've lived in this apartment for four years.
Tomorrow I'm moving out.
I've never ever lost my keys.
But today, the day before I'm moving out,
I LOOSE MY FUCKING KEYS!?!!?
What the actual fuck is this? If there is a god, which I'm quite sure there is not, fuck you!

Thought function keys were man's best friend. Now no more

And they are here. :) when you are happy and you know. Tap your keys 😂

CSS is the keys to the gates of heaven. The problem is, the same keys also open the gates of hell.

Today is a funny Monday: all the people at office forgot their keys at home (me included, also boss included) Until we can enter the office, I'm going to code at public library. At least I'm happy to carry portable Notepad++ in my pendrive!!

What is the maximum distance you can cover with your fingers on the first row of keys on your keyboard?

So a while back I got a new Mac book pro for work, and it was nice for a while, until the keyboard broke, so I gave it to apple so that they would 'repair' it, and although, they gave me a new keyboard, the keys were still garbage, and a while later broke again... and this is the second time that I've had to spend a week without a computer because of shitty butterfly keys... 😢😢😢

My keychain is getting heavy.

I have my house key ofcourse, then there is a short chain for my car keys, and last but not least 3 flash drives with different linux distributions

Google play music "I'm feeling lucky" radio has played 3 black keys songs in a row since I started this.. Coincidence?

"we removed function keys the obsolete tech, to add... Function keys"

Feedback time!
Really loving it here, thanks y'all!!
Scrolling using your volume keys is something I'd like, I've used it on another app (9gag) and I wish more apps had that feature (it can be enabled/disabled). Those are just my
$0.02
Thanks again!

How do you keep track of your servers? their credentials/ssh keys, opened ports, services, IP, domain etc?

dear ietf-people i want to thank you that tls1.3 is official. i know it was hard work to say just no to the doughbags and preventing that middleware and spyware manufacturers implementing static keys.
to make it short:
Thank you for your hard work

How do you remove oily keys on keyboard?

What I’ve tried so far are rub it using a pencil eraser and clean it using cotton with alcohol.
Damn. I’m having a hard time to remove it.

*flashbacks to all the times i've accidentally pushed api keys to master*

I was celebrating Christmas Eve with my family, I'm now here outside my home without my keys.

and this is why you dont let a first timer build your database....

"has 34 column names in index key list. The maximum limit for index or statistics key column list is 16"

There’s got to be a record to how quickly I’ve fucked something up. Most recent record? Twitter API, accidentally archived a glitch project that had my keys in it. 30 minutes.

Friend of mine messaged me about sites being down, of course Im at a family dinner with no laptop or ssh keys with me so no way to fix it!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

The only relationships that exist in my life, are the ones in my projects' ER diagrams. And they too are infected with foreign keys..!

Well at least my DB has primary keys and indexes!

don't use natural keys

I accidentally registered with the NHS with the wrong date of birth. NHS records are keyed by date of birth among other things. This will have devastating consequences.

fellow dev thought he was being clever, hiding his private ssh keys inside image files on a public web server...

Why there isn't a special key on the keyboard which includes "; + enter"?
Or in general a keyboard with special keys for developers? 🤔

e.g. open/close brackets with one key, or "/>" as one single key., or ") + {"

CSS! after days thinking about this and using chrome dev tools to find the magic numbers ( thank arrow keys) i finally made this thing responsive. The magic is in 53px. Thanks to javascript i also did what seemed almost impossible for me in CSS. Phew!!!

If you're having a bad day, think about the fact that BuzzFeed reporters have PGP keys for confidential tips

i wanted to switch tabs in my code editor but i accidentally pressed the wrong shortcut keys and discovered a brand new feature in ubuntu....

Is it good or bad that I forgot to push an critical buggfix to production just before I went home?

Hopefully I can update from home (think one of our servers has an backup of the ssh keys)

Question for devs who work with databases. Do you constantly get tasks that involve joining data not on keys? Data from Exel files, other servers, etc where you have to try to match things on dates, amounts and other normal data.

Is it coincidental that the two most important keys that help us devs build our CVs, the C and V keys are inline on our keyboards? And look at that Ctrl key...That's what happens after too many rounds of copying and pasting...All hail Ctrl, C and V keys

Accidentally using Resharper hot keys in Outlook (ctrl-enter) to autocomplete something and incomplete email is immediately sent out.

Day two at my new job, they have not found the manual for their own tool yet, and i'm scolling trough 200 different keys to find the right combo just to start somwhere

Need to write a query to find all scheduled reports, sounds easy, right?

Not in a system with over 1k tables all with obscure names and absolutely no foreign keys at all.

I like the clicks of mouse, the taps of keys, sound of central cooling, the low tone conversations but if someone near me is in a long meeting and constantly talking, I NEED my headphones with music blasting

#CloudStories

If its not working, try to open all ports on security group. You can then also give your home keys, your address and credit cards details to some random, homeless guy.

I got many reasons to hate my old Dell Studio-1557, but if there is one thing I love about it, it is its keyboard. I don't have much technical keyboard knowledge, but it's just comfortable for me. Wide keys and short keystrokes, no gaps between them (keys are actually sloped on the edge and fit together) and most importantly, no num pad.
So now that i feel it needs to be retired after 9 yrs of loyalty, i can't find a successor for it that have my old Studio's keyboard-feel. Most of laptops in the market have small keys with orthogonal edges and lots of space wasted as gaps between them (like new Dells), a useless (for me) num pad and worst of all, small miniature arrow keys (like thinkPad) and other navigations seems to be new designers fashion.

I'd be glad if some one introduce me a laptop with a similar keyboard to mine (in the picture)
Or what do you propose, should i care about the keyboard at all? are these new designs easy to take up with? wouldn't i suffer a keyboardalgia?

edit: no macs btw :)

This weekend, I bought a mechanical keyboard to use at work. I'm worried the clicking sound will bother my co-workers around me. Does anybody know if bringing the keyboard to work will make people hate me?

It's a Logitech G610 with Cherry MX Red switches. I ordered some rubber o-rings on Amazon to dampen the keys. They should be coming in tomorrow. Should I risk bringing the keyboard into work before I dampen the keys?

What's the best way to learn C#? Need some answers from all the experts here yo!

How often do you guys use mouse/track pad ?
I started being a programmer, I like doing most of my work the keys way.

Argh my Macook Pro utterfly keyord no longer works! How am I suppose to code now?

Oh look I'm posting the same thing again because all logical patheways lead to the same fucking place.

Sort of binary tree with a few keys added visualized.

;-) this is "find a store" page of an International ISP.
they cannot even handle their google api keys.
how they can handle my data.

Sometimes the "L" and "S" keys are a little TOO close to each other in Dvorak layout. Yeah, I just did this:

<button type="button">Select Ass</button>

Coding on a German keyboard suddenly gives you a reason to like those indentation-based languages without curly braces. And what about backticks and single quotes, they're for sure easier to find on an American ASCII keyboard. Fücking ümläüt chäräctersß!
Even worse on a Mac where it's not even printed on the keys what they do when holding shift, alt, or apple/clover/cringle keys.

When the buisness account manager asks you why the module isnt done, and doesnt understand that you cant test anything until he actually sets up the account, and gets you the development keys for the api you are supposed to integrate.

Before I started coding only WASD keys were faded on my keyboard. Now WASD;

When you commit your repo with the configure file with keys and tokens and then need to delete the repo and start again

Trying to clear the redis cache for like half an hour, wondering why the redis server isn't even being filled with keys...

Then suddenly, FUCK wrong port

2:30 AM is too late for me apparently :(

!dev
Needing to (re)move all my organised crime, uh, notes and stuff for the cleaning lady.

And having to tell them everytime they don't need to clean my damn keyboard and mouse as they'll ruin the traction pads and fill up the keys with fluids..