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Search - "espresso"
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I used to work with a guy who had 2 PH.Ds, in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering and over 600 patents but I kid you not the guy could not use the coffee machine. Now it's not like this coffee machine was as easy as a Keurig, it was some $20,000 espresso machine that took a while to figure out but I tried teaching him how to use it a few dozen times and still he couldn't get it right. It got to the point where I thought he was faking it so that others would make it for him so I offered him $500 if he could figure it out. Still nope. So for the remaining 2 years we worked together I made him coffee whenever he wanted, 2-4 times a day, and he bought me lunch everyday. Before I left the company I bought him a Keurig so that when I left he'd still have coffee.19
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First world problems...
I've been working at this startup as a tech lead for a little over a year, and we've grown from 3 to over 150 employees, and a bit over a million end users.
I've spent tens of thousands on high end displays and chairs for your lazy butts, on external consultants to help and train you, even those fucking dirty recruiters have leeched their shares of the pie. I built an amazing luxury kitchen with a fridge, beer cooler, induction plates and a blender for all your crossfitting bodybuilder meals, but forgot to think of my own needs.
NOW I JUST WANT TO BUY A GOOD COFFEEMAKER AND ALL THESE FUCKING TEASLURPING FAKE DEV-BROS SUDDENLY START SCREAMING ABOUT BUDGETS AND HOW COFFEE IS NOT NECESSARY IF YOU MEDITATE. FUCK YOU, WE'RE LIKE THE ONLY STARTUP IN THE COUNTRY RUNNING A FAT PROFIT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID MINDFULNESS IOS APP. GIVE ME MY FUCKING ESPRESSO OR I'LL BLEND YOUR BALLS INTO A PROTEIN SHAKE.25 -
When I first started in IT 10 years ago I thought my coworker was pretty weird: every day she brought a coffee mug to the coffee machine and filled it by punching the "espresso" button 7 times. Little did I know this was just a sneak peak into my future...5
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I hate RGB. I write #C0FF1E but dont get a creamy espresso brown. Getting a puke green instead. Fukk.6
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Stumbled upon this old gold on reddit. If I tell you that my monitor is now not covered in accidentally spat out espresso, I'd be lying. 😂😂😂2
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Senior C++ developer:
"Writing a custom encryption algorithm from scratch for our communications platform? Every developer knows that is an absolute no go, cryptography should be left to cryptography veterans!"
Same guy, year later:
"Blockchains? Hold my espresso, I can totally write a whitepaper on cryptography, write some shitty code with nice branding, and get millions from an ICO"1 -
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15 -
!rant
I joined last night, this place its just insane, I don't even know how I managed to go through life without it... This is it, I found my place on earth; devRant...
WHOOO!!!7 -
True story.
Some clients (especially in India) don't want to pay, but they want everything to be implemented in the project.
Big data.... Check
Machine learning.... Check
Deep learning..... Check
Espresso maker.... Check.
They want all the buzz words that are buzzing to be put in your project and they want you to put it in the 'cloud', for which you have to pay.....10 -
Late in the afternoon right before closing time I wandered into a lunch-having nice little place. There was noone and my sleep-deprived self ordered an espresso. The ~25yrs old barista was kind and smiling and while I was adding some milk to my coffee she suddenly asked:
'Are you an IT guy?'
In shock I said: 'Okay, yes, I do wear glasses and drink coffe, but how did you know?'
'I didn't, but... my printer isn't working at home, can you tell me why?'
At this point I bursted out in laughter and realized that to most people I am a printer fixer. We all are, aren't we?8 -
1. Slack. Pretty good chat app for dev companies, I use it to prevent people standing next to my desk 40 times a day.
2. Unit testing tools, especially when fully automated using a git master branch hook, something like codeship/jenkins, and a deployment service.
3. Jetbrains IDEs. I love Vim, but Jetbrains makes theming, autocompleting & code style checks with mixed templating languages a breeze.
4. Urxvt terminal. It's a bit of work at the start, but so extremely fast and customizable.
5. Cinnamon or i3. Not really dev tools, but both make it easy to organize many windows.
6. A smart production bug logger. I tend to use Bugsnag, Rollbar or Sentry.
7. A good coffee machine. Preferably some high pressure espresso maker which costs more than the CEO's car, using organic fairtrade hipster beans with a picture of a laughing south american farmer. And don't you dare fuck it up with sugar.
8. Some high quality bars of chocolate. Not to consume yourself, but to offer to coworkers while they wait for you to fix a broken deploy. The importance of office politics is not to be underestimated.1 -
I gotta say... this shit is actually really strong especially when you grind it to espresso “dust”.... and put it in a Moka Pot.... don’t drink more than 2 coffee cups full .... it’s crazy8
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I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.
Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.
I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.6 -
I ordered a reduction sieve for my espresso cooker from Amazon, but got this instead (Euro coin for size comparison). They'll resend the correct article, but WTF is this shit even?! Crazy crap!23
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VSCodium, just for a little moment, please go fuck yourself.
I mostly use netbeans but for just a little I'm using VSCodium (VSCode without the Microsoft calling home bullshit).
Just had this error I didn't see that fast and then, usually, whenever you put your cursor on the tee underlined code, it tells you the error in this drive-by popup thingy.
The goddamn popup disappears so fucking quick that its impossible to read.
Ended up trying to capture a screenshot in time which worked at try number 10+, then saw the error and corrected it.
VSCodium go fuck yourself. I'm not ready for this shit when I've just woken up and haven't fully drank my first coffee yet (or this is more like a triple espresso as for strength)
😡7 -
My mom bought my very Italian boyfriend an espresso maker for his birthday. He bought the best Italian espresso grounds he could find here in Germany, and we just had a cup at 10pm (our sleep schedules are fucked up).
I've had a lot of coffee and a lot of espresso in my life, but right now I feel like if I jumped hard enough I could fucking fly. I feel like bashing my head through my computer screen for no particular reason. I feel like I could divide by zero and be OK.
Holy shit you Italians are fucking crazy.17 -
Opening the bag...
Stuck my nose in it. Deeeeeeep breath.
Better than sex.
Taking the scale, getting the right amount.
Feeding the grinder, thinking about whom to kill... Watching get them torn to pieces, shredded bit by bit.
Preheating the iron, getting the water up to temperature.
Filling up the espresso can, turning it on.
Boiling fresh espresso.
Nothing's sexier than the sound of the steam and the smell of fresh grinded and brewed espresso.
Good Sunday.9 -
For months I was weak and tired. All the stupid IT work drained me of power to develop cool stuff during the nights.
And then I discovered my wunderwaffe- machine capsule-espresso.
Oh boy that shit is amazing.3 -
!rant
How does everyone here like their coffee?
For every cup I drink, it should be espresso (0.35 litres) with three cubes 'o sugar and a little shot of milk.11 -
Kiki’s Autistic Stories!
Living with synaesthesia is very interesting. To me, drinks, especially homogenous and complex ones like espresso or vine, make sound I can describe. This is a system, this is not random. People are agreeing with me. Colours have taste.
But I fear just one thing. There is a certain colour, especially when it’s a glass of that colour, that “tastes” so fucking bitter sweet that it gives me migraine. When I see it, I have to immediately close my eyes, go away, do something to forget it, otherwise migraine. Somehow, thinking of it is unpleasant, but thinking alone doesn’t induce a migraine.11 -
What I have in my mind for my future plan as professional developer :
"I need my own Espresso machine"3 -
!rant but wondering,
I'm doing Instrumented test for my android app, and wrote that code to check if the fragment loads data and click on first item and check if all is working as expected, am I doing it right?
Any help would be great :)
Warning: LIGHT theme ahead, room brightness is higher than my screen and I can't see shit in dark theme :\10 -
Before I decided to switch careers (PM to Dev) I would drink coffee, black, sometimes with 2+ shots of espresso on those nasty days...
It's been 18 months into this transition and I find that by about 9AM a strong dark coffee with 1+ shots of whiskey is required on any day...
No regrets on the switch, Just didn't see that coming is all...3 -
I'm a 18 year old student doing IT Management and ATM I have group assignment that the group wants me to do alone, its not even 8 AM and I'm already drinking a double espresso and I'm very close to getting a beer3
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Cappuccino, Espresso, Espresso Doppio, Latte Macchiato...
Oh just basically caffeine... Makes the code more shiny!1 -
At the office, I've recently gone from drinking double cappuccinos to cappuccino with a shot of espresso.
Am I becoming closer to senior developer?1 -
!rant
Dont know if it's the fact that I feel good about my life situation right now, or because of the good weather or just the fact that I had 4 shots of espresso for breakfast but I'm full of good vibes -
So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)1
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So i was working on an android app that communicate with restfull web service. I setup everything , started the web service api at localhost and launched the app on genymotion (virtual machine android) .Nothing seems to work . I checked the code , debugged some stuff and it turns out i couldn't communicate with the api server. I tested the api on my browser and nothing is wrong ,I tried to test on the phone vm browser and voila 404 not found . How the hell it's working on my windows and not on the vm (with localhost url :/ ) .I kept debugging for more then 3 hours with no solution to be found .
The moment I realised wtf I'm doing and how stupid I was => shut down my laptop went to coffee shop and bought a lifeless dark espresso .
In case you didn't understand what the issue is, I was running the api on my windows localhost and testing it with same url on my android vm (I should've changed localhost with my machine IP )1 -
i had an epiphany today, in a discussion with the software architect of our new project.
i'm having the epic job to design & implement a prototype for a C++ library in a new software project and collected some inspiration in our "old" software, where i'm maintaining the module that fulfills the same functionality (i thought). i've been maintaining this module for around a year now. i analyzed the different features and stuff to consider and created a partial model of the new library.
when i showed it to the architect today, he was like "oh my god, no no no, you don't need all this functionality, this shall not be part of the new library!"
this was the moment when i realized how deeply fucked up the code base of the old module is.
imagine it like this:
you want to automate the process of making yourself a good ol' cup of coffee.
the reasonable thing would be to have
- a smart water boiler where you set parameters water temperature and amount of water to be fetched from the water supply
- a smart coffee bean grinder where you can set type of beans, amount of beans and grinding fineness
- a component where water and ground coffee are joined to brew the coffee, where parameters like duration, pressure etc. are set
- a milk tank where amount of milk, desired temperature and duration / speed of foaming can be set
- a sugar dispenser where amount of applied sugar can be set
- optionally, additional modules with spices, syrup, ice cubes, whatever for your very personal coffee experience
on requesting a coffee, you would then configure and orchestrate all components to your wishes to make you a fine cup of coffee. you can also add routines like "makeCappucchino()", "makeEspresso()", or whatever.
our software is not like this.
it is like this:
- a smart water boiler consisting of submodules that know how to cook water for e.g. "cappucchino with sugar" or for "espresso without sugar, but with milk and ice cubes"
- 5 smart bean grinders that know how to grind beans for e.g. cappucchino, espresso, latte macchiato and for 73ml of water preheated to 82°C
- a very smart sugar dispenser that knows how to add sugar to 95, 98 and 100°C coffee and to coffee made of BOTH coffee arabica AND coffee robusta beans.
etc. etc., i think you're getting the gist.
when i realized this, it was like, right in front of my eyes, this terrible pattern emerged like a foul, corrupted caleidoscope of chaos, through the whole code base of this module.
i've already known how rotten from the core this code base is, but today i've actually identified a really bad pattern that i hadn't realized before. the whole architecture is so bloated that it is hard to have an overview of the whole thing. and it would require a LOT of refactoring to repair this pattern.
but i guess it would also be infinitely satisfying because i could probably reduce the code base for 30% or something...
but unfortunately, this is never going to happen, because screw refactoring.
it's a great feeling to start this new library from scratch, tho...6 -
Just shielded my laptop and his from this coworker's coffee. Not all heroes wear capes but sure its not very pleasant to be a walking espresso so FUCK EVERYBODY1
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I woke up pumped as hell this morning, it was gonna be the most productive day in history, I was gonna finish that fucking Rails app I've been dragging on for long enough, maybe even go out and get a girlfriend... Then I went to the kitchen and the fucking espresso it's over... Fuck this shit I'm going back to bed.1
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Anyone use the coffee machine as a distraction when bored and between projects ?
Just trying out the different varieties... We have this weird "Espressochock" that's basically hot chocolate with a shot of espresso, shit is weird...1 -
Okay, so not eating has become a major problem now. This morning when i got out of bed and stood up, i fell backwards in to my bed again. I couldn't see anything, all black. A few minutes went past and i got back on my feet, got dressed and headed to school.
The thing is, a day can go past and i won't feel hungry at all. But i have to eat, but i don't.
Am i the only one with this problem?
Another thing that is happening is that when i get home from school i sit down in front of my computer and start to write some code, hours fly by and there goes that day, no homework done either.
No food, no homework. Only coding. I think i have a serious problem 😂.
On a side note, a few days ago i tasted coffee for the first time, and now i can't resist buying a cappuccino/latte when i walk past espresso house in the morning.
Here's a interesting question, why the fuck did you waste your time reading this? 😂1 -
So, you COULD make a remarkably simple SDK to upload files that needs little documentation, OR we could make an SDK that is basically impossible without three triple-shots worth of espresso and 20 Stack Overflow windows. I think we'll take the more frustrating one3
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best zone will be rain... lots of it and a touch of coolness in the air... also the espresso machine from arms reaching distance.
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What the fuck is happenning with android? Latest AS 3.4.1 and SDK 29(Q+) does not allow normal app compat artifcats for a new project and whole project needs to be developed with androidx.* artifacts.
And their androidx.* artifacts are fucking incomplete: i wanna test recycler view clicks and here i am , fucking myself on how to do so, coz The espresso RecyclerViewActions api is in android.espresso...* package and not androidx.espresso...*
FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU ANDROID WHY DO THIS TO ME WHY WHYWHY!!!!!5 -
So turns out my manager wants me to do QA automation (not in Espresso btw) of my own items "because we're all in the same team". The weirdest thing is that she's obsessed with "best practices" about daily iteration work such as not starting to work on something until test planning is done (she gets CRAYZEEE about that). Violating one of the core development principles is out the window so I guess the question is am I in a good place to ask for a raise since I'm going to have dual roles?2
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I wasn't too into the cold brew thing. Tasted shitty and why do it when you can have a good espresso?
But.
I bought a cold brew bottle couple of weeks ago and I am enjoying it too much. Cool in summer, better than cola, cheaper caffeine and all I need is just a glass. And tastes good if it is not chilled!
I hope my coffee packs don't go stale while I indulge myself.6 -
Any other fans of Espresso for macOS? Love the app, hate how the developer abandons and then rewrites it on a 3-year cycle 😄