Big data is like teenage sex

Properly align a div before you leave teenage.

I'd say that one of the most emotional days for my entire team was when a potential client called us and told us that they just rescued a teenage girl and prevented her from making a suicide by using our service.

The service itself is extremely simple and does not even work in all cases (due to various limitations). But when it does, it saves time, money and above all lives. When you realise that the girl who has already wrote her goodbye letter and ran away is saved at the top of the cliff... Well, then you know that you are doing at least something right!

!Rant Read this somewhere on the internet.

Machine learning is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it...

My last wk93 story, the time we discovered school faculty was spying on students and we uncovered student's deepest secrets.

I call it, kiddiegate.

So if you've read my past rants you've noticed I did some pretty childish and reckless stuff with my highschool's systems when I was younger, but nothing compares to this thing.

After resetting the sysadmin account pwd on some machines it occurred to me I could write a keylogger to capture teachers Moodle accounts and so on, I decided to try it out on a regular lab computer first.

Imagine my surprise when I found a hidden keylogger already installed! I couldn't believe it but then I thought, what if other PC's have it? So I recruited my mates and teached them the process to check if a PC had been infected...ALL PCs were, over 30 computers we checked had been logging for over 3 months! That damn sysadmin! >:[

We were shocked and angry, but then I thought "hey. . . My work has been done for me, better take advantage"

So we did, we extracted each log and then removed it from the PCs along with the keyloggers. There were hundreds of records and then one day we started snooping into the fb accounts of some students (we shouldn't have) we uncovered so many nasty, shocking secrets...

One of the school's lady's man had a drunk one nighter with one of our gay friends, the most secluded and shy guy was sexting like crazy with 15 chicks at the same time, things like that...we promised to never say a word and deleted the logs.

After that we didn't do much and continued highschool as every teenage minor should, getting drunk and avoiding responsibilities, though we could never see many of our classmates the same way. The sysadmin was fired shortly after I graduated, no reason was stablished.

I want to clear out we were minors and laws in my country weren't clearly stablished at the time plus no harm was ever done. I don't condone hacking or any kind of illegal activity, just thought I'd share.

I was at Leeds Central train station the other day, waiting for the platform to be announced on the screen in the main bit. I noticed a commotion to my right. There was a teenage girl screaming and writhing around on the floor, her mother was knelt on one knee trying to calm her. I walked over without thinking, I know nothing about Epilepsy or first aid, at a push I could probably figure out the recovery position from a faint diagram i have stored in the unused part if my brain...

(it’s where I keep the washing machine instructions, which incidentally were designed for maximum confusion, if Id designed a washing machine it would have 1 button labelled ‘wash’)...

Sorry, back to the story. So i walked over and just before I got there, with the mother looking directly at me, I realised, what the fuck am I doing, meanwhile the daughter was screaming still and writhing, a bit like a rapid angel print you would make in the snow as a kid (until your hand touched the dog shit).

I couldn’t help it, the words just came out, like a dumb fucker, i said ‘Has she got epilepsy?’ , i stood there waiting for the sarcastic comment or the murderous stare, even a fuck off would suffice, so that I could remove myself from the situation.

To my surprise, and shock, she looked at me, calmly and said “oh no, it’s not epilepsy or anything like that.... she’s lost her iPhone”.

Back in my teenage , a friend of mine asked me «Can you make me a software that guesses the result of a football match ?» I said «Sure, but you have to tell me how to calculate the chances of a team»
«Yeah, use the previous performances in the league»
«Ok, but you have to tell me how to calculate the expected result using previous performances» He laughed at me and said «If i knew how to calculate chances of winning/losing, i would not need a software!»
I tried to explain it simply «Computers can execute basic operations like sums or subtractions, and they know how to follow a list of basic instructions to give you a result»
He looked me like «If computers are so stupid like you are telling me now, are we all crazy idiots trying to learn how to use stupid machines??» and stated that i obviously misunderstood the real power of a computer. I walked back home thinking how funny was my friend believing in some kind of magic inside box called pc.

Few years later, i start studying IT at university. In the free time i look for small jobs like website development, small office network setup, pcs repair.
I continue noticing people believing that pcs knows what to do and how to do it.
«You sure I lost my data ? No i didn't do a backup. You sure my pc didn't do a backup ? No i hadn't a backup software»
«Why antivirus asks me what to do with the viruses it found. It should delete them obviously! Change my antivirus, it's too stupid for my pc»
«I want more people finding my business thanks to my website. How I imagine my website ? Yeah it has to be cool and full of cool stuff»

All that boring stories leads to my final question :

is our job dealing with persons who think we are some kind of wizard, well learned about dominating the pc magic ?

Please answer no.Please.

!dev

Being an introvert 17-year-old is tough at times :/

Have yet to find someone who shares my interests and has the will to get to truly know me.

Most people just barely scratch the surface and judge for what they see, but after all, I cannot expect any sort of deep relationship to take place with any of my peers.

I am from Germany.
And I wanna make a (new) website.

This is fucking exhausting 😩
(Do I have to translate it to english as well? The site will be bilingual).

I miss the time when I was a careless teenage who would just code and not care about bureaucracy...

Idea: Emoji passwords

Bdixbsufhdbe HEAR ME OUT

I know, I know, emojis belong with teenage girls on Snapchat but there are some theoretical benefits to emoji passwords.

Brute Force attacks are useless! With such a wide range of characters and so many different combinations, they just wouldn't be viable.

Dictionary attacks are less useful! Because those require...words.

They can be easier to remember. Tell a story with your emojis. Images are easier to commit to memory than combinations of letters and numbers.

Users would adopt the feature! For whatever reason, the general population fucking loves these things. So emoji passwords probably won't take very long to see use.

I don't know much about this last one, so I saved it for last, but I would imagine that decryption would be more difficult if the available values is quite vast. I dunno how rainbow tables and hash defucking works so I'll just put this here as a "maybe"

😀

teenage me: "people asking me to help them with the printer or simple tasks are so annoying"
now: helps anyone with anything just to catch a break and get some validation

This happened like 6-7 years ago when I used to do some logo and Web theme designs as a side job. There was this motel owner client who wanted me to make a website for him . he didn't give me much to go on except some themes he liked and some pictures of the motel. I finished the website on time but of course he didn't like it, he told me that he wanted it to be bluer(?). So I played with the colors a bit and showed it to him a couple days later, but now he didn't like the font that I used he wanted a font that stand out, like those Gotik ones; I politely told him it would not look professional when he refused I told him it would look like a teenage Lamer at Tumblr. After that he settled down for a less idiotic font. I finished the final cuts the next day and went to the motel to setup the website and show him how to use it. After a good hour of teaching him in the ways of the Internet I told him I needed my payment now. But the guy only wanted to pay half of what we agreed upon because I delivered it late and also didn't do his requests. I reminded him, that this is my job I worked hard for this. That he owed me what he promised. His counter argument was That all I do is press some buttons on a keyboard and that I don't know what working hard really means. That was the last drop. You see I usually have somewhat good pr skills but I can only tolerate limited amount of bulls*** at a time. So I deleted the www folder from filezilla and told him to go F*** himself and left. Never been a freelancer ever since

Are teenage devs destinied to stay single? 😂

an 18 year old youtube multimillionaire known as McSkillet lost $200,000 on csgo skins and $700,000 gambling and trading csgo skins so he fell into depression. he took his $265,500 McLaren supercar and ran into the highway in opposite direction to commit suicide, but in doing so he also killed a mom and a 12 year old girl from the car collision explosion.

life is very hard to be an 18 year old teenage millionaire, better commit suicide instead.

how do you guys feel about this?

I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.

Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.

I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.

We had given my mom a phone recently, I found out that she never used it for the reason we gave it to her, and that is to be accessible whenever she leaves the house, Instead she kept the phone at our house and when in the house be always connected to the WiFi and watch WhatsApp videos and stuff that her old college/School friends sent. I had to give her a lecture for half an hour as to why she wasn't using the phone for what it is intended to do and threatened her to disconnect from the WiFi if she did this again. Damn! This teenage stuff again.

Java is kind of like teenage sex--everyone is always talking about it, but in reality they don't even know what they're talking about.

Worst security is probably every php project I did during my teenage years...

How do teenage devs find jobs?

Anybody else feeling it after Chester Bennington's death recently? I'm nearly 30 years old, so I listened to him a lot through my teenage years. Linkin Park was practically my favorite band back then. I'm pretty bummed out man. 😔

Damn.

Big data is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it… — Dan Ariely

Does the devrant store "have" to be called a "swag" store? It makes me feel like I'm a teenage Justin Bieber fan when I browse it, for some reason..

#justathought

There are 6 stages of an man's live that he wish for

1. Child phase and school phase : don't know what it was, can't remember mine

2. Teenage phase : study, exploring new areas, competition, body building, getting into relationships , breakups, dreaming, etc

3. Ambitious phase : getting graduate, changing jobs , lust for money, tensions, parties, ambitions, cars ,new houses , marriage, honeymoons and kids

4. Family settled phase : permanent job, nice salary, long family trips , fun time with kids, paid holidays, hardworking phase

5. No tensions settled phase : children getting graduate, marrying, trying to settle themselves, you and your wife having enough money or pension to live peacefully, you are playing golf with friends, doing excersize nd charity regularly, etc

6. Permanently settled phase : lie peacefully in your death bed and wait for eyes to close in sleep forever

..
..
..
..
..
What life gives : "fuck that shit... let's mix some of these stages, replace some of them with opposite/ negative stages and skip some of them"

Top gripes about getting older as I'm about to turn 40:

5. Actually starting to have moments at home after work where I'm contemplating saying 'Hey babe, wanna bang?' but before I can get the words out my body pipes in with 'Dude, cool your jets, we're wiped out today; check back tomorrow.' Women say they like older guys because <insert character trait here> but I'm now convinced it's just because they know there's less work involved. =/

4. Friends with young children. I hardly ever see them anymore, and when I do, all they talk about are their kids and their shitty relationship with their co-parent. The circle continues to get smaller...

3. Having to go get glasses in order to renew my driver's license. How do we not have a heads-up display in every vehicle by now that shows the street numbers of buildings as I'm perpendicular to them as well as the names of upcoming cross streets? That way I'd fix the problem the way I do for everything else: notch up the font scaling on my display a point or two. Elon, you're slipping...

2. Realizing that the "American Dream" isn't worth the paper it was printed on. (Anyone else remember paying 97¢ for a gallon of gas or $2 for a pack of Marlboros?) Concurrent realization: It's not easy to find work in another country without moving there first, even if you speak the language. Any devs in Portugal that read this, ligue-me.

1. Being too busy to just chat with new people I meet except on rare occasion. Mostly referring to work time here, when it seems I'm always needing to find the shortest route to the objectif du jour. If I could tell my teenage self just one piece of advice, it'd probably be "start your career in Europe, not the USA" but I really want it to be "treasure the time you spend on IRC talking about anything and everything with people that always have time for you and vice versa, because it's going to be over before you know it."

TL;DR: Why does that online shop NOT support paypal?

I'm a LITTLE pissed.

I wanted to buy some stuff online (since my gf birthday comes closer and I have no city, no car nearby to go shopping) - and this website doesn't support paypal. You know why? Because they had to high fees.

Why on earth don't they do it like any other online shop?! - the user can pay with paypal for a little more % or €.

I don't have an actual credit card but the thing you can get <18yo. Paypal works with it but I can't use any other payment option.

Scala is like the teenage child of Java and Python having an identity crisis.

!rant
I take my words back, teenage devs are not necessarily destinied to stay single. That's what I learned last week.

My build has been lagging behind due to the 8 year old mobo, so I grabbed one with a newer chipset that was a bit discounted and oh jeez the swag that comes with it.

Who is the target audience here? 12 year olds who build their own pcs? This literally makes me - albeit marginally - less likely to buy Asus things in the future. Even teenage me wouldn't want to be caught dead flashing this stuff.

And yes, the mobo itself is rgb. I've literally stopped trying to avoid it since it would put an unreasonable limit on your options with how common it is.

Today I was debugging some shitty code left by unknown developer whos linkedin account is dead and phone number left in contact card calls local pizza house.

I knew it qould be hard so i've made myself comfortable, gathered 5 redbulls and other items that diabetes people would kill for eating again.

After around 10 minutes i was already frustrated but i kept the pace. "Who is the best, little devie, you!" - I fooled my ego to keep up and shut up.

After around 10 next minutes my attention span has ended. Limbic system started injecting some hormones into my brain, but I remained silent.

First two energy shots were applied. I felt like hero again. Two minutes after I was debugging through some library that was written fo java and found out that it ahots some natives to a c lang lib called "mypreciouslib".

Oh flock, how can i debug it if ita compiled , I cannot do such things, Me be only junior dev. I started swearing, but silently.

Started ollydbg to see what is inside livrary, i searched through but i couldnt match anything it was like mess stirred with fecals of an elephant.

So I opened aida pro " with vitamins" cause obviously, our pm says "but you write in java right " so we dont need those tools right ? Fuck no.

Aida was better at least i could find some funcions calls, but hey, the progress. I was swearing out loud, with earplugs in. And by the time I've sweared all the things in company i got a reminder.

"Hey -insane- stop swearing, the children are here."-sayys pm, it is some kind of " family and work " shitfuck day.

So i asked them: " why wouldnt you buy this fucking tools for programmming for us , you wouldnt have to hear me fucking swearing" . then i realized that , colleagues in room heard all of it, and one of them, total fuckface buttlicker(dev without bit of knowledge) started something like "you are wrong, see how good our software is sellling". Pm was like smiling like he thanked him for buttlicking again. Not to mention he is officially retarded and i know his password to all our services cause he is so smart to put it into text file and then have sharing files in windows turned on.

The other one told aloud, that we would be much better with some debugging tools that are better than fucking eclipse if we have to work without code.

PM told us that he will arrange a meeting. At that point I didnt care any longer. I just fired myself, fuck them.

Please saint Stallman give me hope and joy of programming from my teenage years. Uhhh..

Company has a severe lack of fresh blood.

"let's recruit everyone who has an IQ over room temperature and barely passes the mark".

Me protesting bloody murder cause I know that the idea is not just profoundly dumb, but frustration from high staff turnover takes a toll on *everyone*.

"nah can't be that bad".

Then the discussion started who could do monitoring and mentoring, so we can sort out the bad apples *quickly*.

Me reminding again that this is exactly what leads to a high staff turnover, as this is nothing else than "hire, hire - quickly fire".

Guess who won the award of being the mentor / monitor ....

*drum roll*

Come on, I know you would NEVER expect this.

Let me surprise you: M E.

Yeah. They chose the person that was absolutely against this idea...

Because that person is "most qualified for the task at hand and has the necessary qualifications".

Today was the first 4 h workshop with a new recruit.

The Lord has had zero mercy on me.

I started to mute myself after 30 minutes in regular intervals to just scream and curse the world.

How profound dumb a person can be amazes me.

Person has had a "very expensive 6 month boot camp course".

I was close asking if the boot camp course was in watching porn and wanking their brain cells out....

Git... Yeah he knew what he was doing...

Except that he messed up every commit by either not sticking to the companies format or - what I found funny the first 2 times, then not so much anymore - just writing a git commit message like a 15 year old teenage girl would write to their diary.

Programming. Oh yeah. He should be a programmer.

He had much Bootcamp.

Bootcamp expensive. Bootcamp good.

If someone is unable to iterate over an iterator... And instead starts creating an integer based array of a map's key name to then fetch the map value in an for loop based on the created key array.

Yeah. Bootcamp much good.

Creating DTOs...

It took an hour to write a DTO with him... Cause constructors are hard and it's even harder when you have to explain primitive datatypes in Java, null safety, constructors, NPEs, final, ...

Like really no experience at all.

The next week's will be amazing.

Either I get a valium drop or I'm gonna blow my head off, cause mentoring will drain the last bit of hope I had left in me.

Note that I do not blame the recruit (yeah he's dumb. But he has ZERO work experience, so it's not unexpected), I'm just too fed up with getting the poo crown despite being against the whole process.

I think the recruit could make it..........

But that I got the shittiest job ever is really haunting me.

I dunno how I survive the next weeks.

And this is just the first recruit... There will be more.

One of the funniest memories of my teenage years is when I fucked a girl and she was anxious about her parents might hear us, so I pressed play on her laptop and “I can never be your woman” by White Town started playing, and we were too busy to chose another one. Still one of my favorite songs 😂

Not posting as often lately because my childhood dream — a Nintendo DSi — finally arrived, in time for my birthday. More of a gift to that teenage boy who’s dead now than to his older trans female counterpart, but still.

Been playing Pokémon HeartGold, enjoying my life, all due to things improving at work & medication cumulative effect kicking in. Finally.

Without burning internal pain, a poet ceases to be a poet. I rarely write now. I still have wild dreams, and I write down snippets for them not to be lost when I’m properly awake, but I just… don’t have that strong of an urge to share them here. Maybe I’m not as dependent on someone else’s validation anymore.

I’m planning to team up with someone who can draw, so we can make zines, as suggested by you. If you can draw — let’s talk!

!dev

I feel like I never lived/live my age. I feel like I have wasted childhood (who the fuck wastes their childhood?!), teenage years, university years, most of my 20's. And now, I'm in this state where I'm stuck thinking about what I should be doing to not repeat the same mistakes and how to make up for them (which is in itself repeating the same mistake again, lol). I should go to bed.

#bonfiretalk

Why did you want to become a programmer? Spending alot of my Teenage years on online games I always had a fascination for those 1337 haxxors that just appeared, did some awesome neverseen stuff and sometimes suddenly disappeared, never came back and became urban legends ("I heard h4xor1337 got caught by the FBI"..."I heard he was a CIA Hacker".."He was from Russia").. I started universe, picked some C/C++ Tutorials and 3 years later I am a freelancing Android developer . Today I am Downloading the source code of that old mmorpg (which is still played by alot of people , especially in the private Server scene) to practice my C++

Just found out what deadlocked processes are and it really has a lot of potential for teenage instagram sentimental quotes.

"Two processes that are kept on wait indefinitely because the only thing that could end the wait is an action by one of them" with some pretentious looking font and a picture of like, a rose in black and white or some shit is Instagram gold

How to get cheap engagement for your shitty tech website:
- write an article about Android vs iOS (even better if you state that one is better than the other justifying that with very vague points)
- share it on Facebook where hordes of people with their brain stuck in early teenage years will fiercely fight for their mobile platform of choice
- profit!

Have you ever tried to read your Facebook chat history all the way back when you were younger? What a horrible person I were! Those embarrassing teenage messages! There are things not worth remembering and it sucks that Facebook documented all the detail in your life and you can't do something about it on the other end.

If bigdata is lyk teenage sex, then machine learning is lyk masturbation. U r on ur own.

line 8426345 col 4575 Expected an identifier and instead saw 'catch' (a reserved word).

Now all my promises be:

deleteUser()['catch'](() => {});

I have a music that makes me go into hyperfocus. Whenever I listen to it and pay close attention to the instruments, I'm instantly concentrated on a imaginary music clip that I used to refine in my teenage years.

Everything becomes easier to understand after I listen to it.

Most students find their way in damn things. I know time and experience teaches us a lot
It was really so fun but now I can't confront it
Why everyone involves in a relationship? Not worthy at all we all know but still carrying on
Can recall those days, my gang having a good talk time in class every day. No matter boy or girl, everyone was acceptable as a friend, and also neither of our talks were useless

It sucks so much when someone fingers out to find your crush. In my case, I know no one interested in a nerd and also I don't want to be a part of it. Why do those fucking bitches want a dumbass? I actually don't mean to be ace forever but still this teenage fucking too shit