A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. ♨💨🎈

He reduces height and spots a man down below.

He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions,

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says:

"Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

Please stop making stuff with JavaScript.
I have a fairly old and slow laptop.

Today was so wonderful

the ultimate dick move: invite your dev to a meeting, scheduled a few weeks ahead, with title "performance issues", without any further comments or notice in advance. when dev, seeing this invitation and feeling kicked right in the face, asks if this meeting is about a certain project or their individual working performance, just answer "both" without any further comments. if they have any more questions about it, just tell them you have no time to answer because meetings.

Consequences Associated with Burnout:

- sleep deprivation ✅
- change in eating habits ✅
- increased illness due to weakened immune system ✅
- difficulty concentrating and poor memory/attention ✅
- lack of productivity ✅
- poor performance ✅
- avoidance of responsibilities ✅
- loss of enjoyment ✅

Have I just been burnt out and living it as my norm for the past 5 years? 🤡

I applied to Amazon recently not really thinking about it I was just bored. Dropped my CV and I was asked to fill in why would I want to work in that position. I un-ironically put “It sounds like a lot of fun”, got rejected instantly then got an unrelated message from an Amazon recruiter from another division inviting me to apply, rejected it because it didn’t sound as fun.

I’m an honest bloke I just want to have fun.

coding elves...

The real reason that i started using split keyboards

Recruiter Email: We need experience in Doker!

Dev: I could potentially be interested, what is this new technology? I've never heard of Doker!

Recruiter: It's not super new, it's the traditional Doker! You know, good ol' Doker!

Dev: Like Poker? Or Joker? 🤡

Recruiter: What?

Dev: What?

SUPERVISOR: You wrote this 140 lines method, it's too long. You should split it up, it's not readable
IHateForALiving: Bruh be serious, this is a single switch-case; I can't split it.
SUPERVISOR: Fine, I'll do it.

HIS CODE: He split the 140 lines method into 2 methods: the first is 4 lines long; it's a try-catch surrounding a call to the other method, 136 lines long.

If archaeologists from 1000 years in the future find a fossilized copy of your code? What would they think about it?

Regex would definitely classify as alien manufacture.

Got a mail from a recruiter.... offering me a role in a company......where I'm currently working....in the said role.

The next person that says “top priority” gets their fucking tongue cut out

And then one day you wake up and discover that your first boss,

the one who hired you when you had no experience

who believed in you when nobody else did

and also paid you a full decent payment when the rest of the world tried to pay you less than half the amount

who taught you a lot about the business and even when you disagreed, it was impossible to get angry because he was calm and gentle always

and treated you so many lunches and dinners

…was beaten and killed by a former colleague…

I have no words…

Sayonara 👋 boss
I will miss you so much on this Earth 😢

Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments

Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work

Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits

Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness

Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.

Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—

Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!

Dev: …

Manager: You can’t define an async function without using await.

Dev: Yes you can.

Manager: Well you shouldn’t, there’s no point!

Dev: Yes there is. It can turn blocking synchronous logic into work performed concurrently. In this case the perform—

Manager: It’s called async *await*. Async *AWAIT*! Did you hear the two parts to that? You shouldn’t ever have one without the other. THEY GO TOGETHER. Worrying about concurrency is for people who use callbacks which just goes to show how out of date your skills are. I’m reading a book on javascript and there are so many advanced techniques out there that I haven’t even seen you use ONCE!

Dev: …

*I looked at the book he’s reading, it’s from the < ES6 era… no wonder he doesn’t see me using any of those archaic patterns/hacks/workarounds…*

Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.

"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"

Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.

Recruiter: Your skills are amazing! There's hight demand! massive shortage! the market is hot!

Me: great

Recruiter: But your rate is too high.

Me: ....

Storytime!

Manager: Hey fullstackchris, the maps widget on our app stopped working recently...

Dev: (Skeptical, little did he know) Sigh... probably didn't raise quota or something stupid... Logs on to google cloud console to check it out...

Google Dashboard: Your bill.... $5,197 (!!!!!!) Payment method declined (you think?!)

Dev: 😱 WTF!?!?!! (Calls managers) Uh, we have HUGE problem, charges for $5000+ in our google account, did you guys remove the quota limits or not see any limit reached warnings!?

Managers: Uh, we didn't even know that an API could cost money, besides, we never check that email account!

Dev: 🤦‍♂️ yeah obviously you get charged, especially when there have literally been millions of requests. Anyway, the bigger question is where or how our key got leaked. Somewhat started hammering one of the google APIs with one of our keys (Proceeds to hunt for usages of said API key in the codebase)

Dev: (sweating 😰) did I expose an API key somewhere? Man, I hope it's not my fault...

Terminal: grep results in, CMS codebase!

Dev: ah, what do we have here, app.config, seems fine.... wait, why did they expose it to a PUBLIC endpoint?!

Long story short:

The previous consulting goons put our Angular CMS JSON config on a publicly accessible endpoint.

WITH A GOOGLE MAPS API KEY.

JUST CHILLING IN PLAINTEXT.

Though I'm relieved it wasn't my fault, my faith in humanity is still somewhat diminished. 🤷‍♂️

Oh, and it's only Monday. 😎

Cheers!

I didn’t. I went for an interview and quizzed this multi-million £ business about their architecture: it sounded awful.
I made some diagrams on how I would’ve done it, how it would scale etc and why. They were blown away and wanted me to implement this structure including the job they wanted to hire me for.
They sent a contract over: had the wrong name on it
They corrected the name but I noticed the salary was incorrect
They sent a third and by this time I was offered an interview elsewhere so I went

The hirer then called me to say he was frustrated I hadn’t signed a contract yet making it sound like it was my fault for not wanting to sign an illegitimate contract. he then went on to say that the salary had been reduced, I asked why and they said they felt I wasn’t a senior developer.
So I took the other job and they kept their shitty architecture 💁🏼‍♀️

Manager: I’m so sick and tired of you devs whining about technical debt and how it’s slowing down our progress, so here’s the deal. You have until the end of this week to eliminate all technical debt in the codebase. After that I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT TECHNICAL DEBT EVER AGAIN!!!

Dev: …

Dev: What do you think of the new version of the app?

Client: It’s great! We just have a couple notes of feedback we are working on compiling. We should have those to you by next week.

*Next week*

Client: We need another week to compile all of this feed back we are generating

*Another week goes by*

Client: Still working on it, it’s going to be a really thorough review when you get it though. No stone will be left unturned!

*2 weeks later*

Client: Here it is!

Attached: A word document with a single line of text “can’t nobody log in” next to a picture of the login screen with a red circle drawn around the login button

Client: Can you hurry up and action our feedback? We want to go live next week

Dev: …

Just learned that my employer withhold part of my salary every month the past 5 months! I did not notice it as it was overtime compensation.

I first thought maybe it was a mistake so I asked, the reply I got was: Oh you know that compensation we agreed upon? I wasn't having it anymore so I decided to half it and been since then editing the hours you billed every week to reflect that and accedently forget to tell you.

Accedently?! My ass! One week is believable but not 20 weeks. The only reason I found out is that they tried to lower the compensation even further which caused these hours to show up differently in the hour declaration software we use.

So currently on my way to return company's property and quit.

Management:

"We're gonna make our own builder that sets up pre configured files.

So we are gonna get rid again of GIT, because with our system you shouldnt be working over each others files if you keep out of other peoples files."

So they basically are saying, we are going back to no version control because you should all keep to the honor system because our system is better.

I'm fucking leaving...
And possibly leaving a poison pill to boot

My bosses, bosses, boss asked to call me up unexpectedly:
BBBoss:" Just wanted to say we are really happy with your performance, especially in these tough circumstances, ... "
Me thinking: "Ah, great I am getting laid off."
BBBoss: " ... which is why we decided to give you and extra 1000$ in you next paycheck."
Me: "??? ... for real."
BBBoss: "yes, thank you for your hard work."
Me: "I am still employed?"
BBBoss (laughs) :"Yes, we are happy to have you."

I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:

CEO-bro: Good morning.
Me: Morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
Me: ......
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
Me: One.
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
Me: No...what?!
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.

I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽‍♂️

THIS IS HOW TO INSULT A DEVELOPER 👾🤓

Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?

Manager: It should work how it worked before.

Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.

Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.

Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.

Manager: Just how it worked before!

Dev: ...

Manager: ...

Dev: fuck you

Sometimes I leave comments to myself at the end of the work week to remember on monday where I left off
Anyone else does this? 🤔

me debugging instead of sleeping🥲