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AboutJust foolin' around
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SkillsC, Java, Python
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LocationGermany
Joined devRant on 9/18/2017
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German bureaucracy, German tax offices, German pension insurance: of course we should feel very lucky and grateful for those institutions but currently, all they do is keep frustrating me with their kafkaesque bureaucracy. Don't they have anything more useful and productive to do than bother me with their bean counting?!20
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Before starting a job at company CUNT, we had an interview at which I told them I do not want to work on legacy monolithic codebases. We had a nice agreement and they offered me to work as a back-end with one of their projects. I was super excited to start. CUNT was very culty, always talks about how carrying for employees they are and always keep promises on their end of the table.
A week has passed, the codebase is superb legacy shit hole, no fucking standards, monolithic as fuck (BE and FE projects live in one project folder with tons of depreciated tools - there are no docs for them. That’s how old they are). They even have secret folder in their project with YOU GUESSED IT - secret keys.
Told CTO today, that I want to switch projects, because this was not the thing I signed up for and remember THEY ALWAYS CARE ABOUT THEIR EMPLOYEES AND PROMISES MADE. He basically told me, that project owners (other company) will not understand this culturally and I can either wait it out and possibly get my hands on a better project or fuck off right now.
Also, I was told, that my judgment was garbage worth and I should work longer with project “shit hole” to fully understand it.
Such a fucking salesman.
Anyways, I told that this situation is not culturally appropriate for me either as they gave me a sort of promise and I wont leave the company as I just switched jobs and cannot afford to do that again. I’ll hopefully get another position in another project soon.
WTF IS WORNG WITH PEOPLE8 -
Basically any meeting where "the big bald" (a.k.a our manager) was present...
It always started professional and alright but it often took only around 5 minutes before the asshat started bragging about "his past accomplishments", his life when he was younger and often a lot of shit that wasn't exactly respectful to women...
I'm not an SJW, nor am I the most "female-friendly" person out there myself...
But the things he said repeatedly, made me come really close just punching him in the face. -
>Client complains about a 30 minute downtime around midnight
>Client also pays only for a single VM on a HV that they don't even own themselves
>Replies with an offer of how to make the setup more resilient, going from 1 VM to 2 LBs/FE loadbalanced through BGP, and distributing traffic through HaProxy onto 2 BE machines that in turn talk to a Postgres Cluster with RepMgr for dynamic failover.
>No reply so far
Hmmm :^)5 -
Why is every fucking job posting an “urgent opening”. HR retards in my country just throw “urgent” on the description almost out of habit because in their microscopic brains they believe it improves their chances of getting motivated candidates or some shit like that.
All it fucking does is prove to me that you are incompetent at scheduling recruitment.5 -
Last month I discovered my girlfriend created a GitHub account some time ago just because she saw the icon was like a cat in the Discord Connections settings and was curious about what it was.
That's the most adorable dev-related thing that has ever happened to me.10 -
Wholesome anti-rant.
There’s this Indian chick at work that I really, really do not get along with. Fortunately she’s on a different team so we have practically zero interactions. Her code was always decent, maybe upper junior level? but I went away fuming almost every time we talked.
However, I did a release security review today (I’m down from five/six per month to one) and read through quite a bit of her code. It was clean and easy to read with good separation, clear naming and intentions, nothing was confusing, etc. It was almost beautiful. Had I any emotions I might have shed a tear. I sent her a message and let her know :) I actually learned a better way of doing a couple of things from it.
She has grown so much as a dev.32 -
dev: “I want to start working on [feature]”
Me: “I already started to work on it, sorry for not mentioning it, we need specs from design team before I can go on, but I’d suggest going for another task meanwhile”
Manager: “noooo design is very very busy, [dev] will take care of it.”
Me: “[dev] still needs specs from the design team... and I am half done with it so no real point in re-writing the same code I wrote”
Manager: “just trust me, we do this and [dev] takes care of it.”
*me and [dev] look at each other perplexed and just nod to the manager cause it’s Thursday and the fucks to give are over*
... am I actually a patient in an asylum? I question my sanity after this exchange of words.2 -
My friend who works in marketing told me the other day that he would like enter IT world to earn more. I have told him that company had opened position for junior SEO/SEM which in theory is very close to what he is doing right now. His base salary would double and there are bonuses and commissions. I have told him that I could get him that job, but what I heard back? "Nah I don't to want to do that" and started whining again about his salary...2
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Dev: The server is completely down right now. Nobody can access the application, we need to divert some resources to horizontally scaling our app.
Manager: Hm, this was not in the schedule. I need to consult senior leadership on what to do about this. I don’t want to be held accountable for making a decision on this complex and highly nuanced situation.
Dev: No need, I have a solution. Just need a week to build/test/deploy the ability to horizontally scale.
Manager: But that will cause delays to new features.
Dev: New features don’t matter if the app can’t even load.
Manager: Ok you can implement your solution but it can’t take any time. I need those new features out.
Dev: ???????5 -
I work for a small company with about 10 employees working full-time in the office. We all report directly to the CEO, Phil. When the pandemic hit, Phil went into full panic mode and had us all move our desks 12+ feet apart, wash our hands every 20 minutes, sterilize everything in between uses, etc. Nothing super weird, and better than having no reaction at all, but it was a hypervigilant process that made me expect him to be very accommodating when our state went on lockdown.
Boy, was I wrong. Our industry is considered essential so we’re still open, but Phil is being odd when it comes to working from home. For background, about 95% of our work can be done remotely. The other 5% would require about 15 minutes in the office once a week. I was the first one to pose the idea of working from home and Phil nervously agreed, but only let do it three days a week. My coworkers were given similar instructions but were “encouraged to come in every day, if possible.” A few of them do.
Since then, Phil has gotten pretty weird about the situation. He refers to people who are working from home as being “off work” (which is NOT the case, we are all working and available while at home, which he knows because he calls us for work-related things during work hours!). Today, Phil asked me if my coworker Travis was in his office, and I said Travis was working from home, and Phil replied in a sour tone, “So he’s not working then, great.” He has made similar comments about my other coworkers. When I’m working from home, he’ll call me and ask in a sarcastic tone, “What are you even working on today?” Or he’ll give me an assignment and end with, “Can you actually do work on this today? I need you working.” One time, he called while I was in the bathroom and when I called him back less than five minutes later, I was told that I “need to be available and not screwing around.”
The weirdest thing is that none of us has had productivity problems! My job is such that I can tell when anyone is slacking even a little and I haven’t noticed any issues. Personally, I’ve actually been MORE productive! And I’ve never been accused of “screwing around” while at the office before, so this attitude has baffled me.
He is so convinced that we aren’t working that he cut our work-from-home time down two days a couple weeks ago, and now it’s being cut down to one day as of next week – when COVID cases are higher in our city than ever!
My guess is that because Phil isn’t physically seeing us work, he assumes we aren’t working. CCing him on stuff to leave “proof” doesn’t work because he doesn’t read his email. He is also naturally a nightmare of a micromanager (and an across-the-office yeller) so not being as “in control” is probably freaking him out. But what is the best way to handle this?10 -
Finally got a new job, but it's already a horror story not even 2 hours in (making this while on break)
Everyone here is an Intern, IT? Interns, Designers? Interns, HR? Interns.
The Person who I should've worked with got fired yesterday, and now I have to work all of his shit up from 0, Documentation? Fragmental, a few things here and there, but nothing really.
IT security also doesn't exist in the slightest, there is an Excel sheet called "Master_Passwords" and every single password is in Plaintext, written out for everyone to see. (at least they used "strong" passwords)
And the place also looks run down, theres PC's, Laptops, Mics, Cables etc. lying literally everywhere no-one knows what works and what doesn't (since everyone is an intern)
Not to mention the "Server Room" is an absolute mess itself, cables hanging from literally anywhere, powerstrips are ontop of servers, each rack has like 2 or 3 2U Servers, (in a 40u Rack) and there are 10 of them!4 -
First of all, I hate crammers so much. These people kill the industry without even understanding it. They turned interviews into exams, missed the point of hiring, and saw no distinction between knowledge and information all the time. They don't understand that if you can google an answer in five seconds, it's not knowledge. It's information.
They don't understand that questions like 'what will Python do if you delete an item from a dict while iterating over it' are complete nonsense. They don't understand that it's not 'dig deep'; it's just a bad practice that leads to errors, thus must be avoided. The fact of remembering 'RuntimeError: dictionary changed size during iteration' means that you haven't been avoiding it enough.
One more example. Which signature is correct?
- ApplicationListener<ContextRefreshedEvent>
- ApplicationListener<ContextRefreshEvent>
- ApplicationListener<RefreshedEvent>
- ApplicationListener<RefreshEvent>
Second. What's the point of forcing you to write compilable code in google docs? Do they really expect that one could possibly remember 'import org.springframework.beans.factory.annotation.Autowired;'? Seriously?
Third. Why do they expect me to know Spark, Java, J2EE, Spring Boot, Python, Kafka, Postgres, React/Redux, TypeScript, and work for miserable 70K EUR?
What's wrong with the European IT job market? Are they fucking nuts?9 -
The recruiter in call today is a spoilt brat .
I answer him wether am I know PHP. So I show him my code in PHP (oop) I show should him how I build a restful API and connect to MySql etc.
He told me that's not PHP , PHP don't use define and class , and that's not how you connect to MySql (I'm using PDO) he confused that pdo is something from Java. He told my code is not working because it is java syntax (actually not even closed)
Then I asked him then show me the proper way , he showed me his code in PHP which is started by <PHP instead of <?php (this is fucked up)
And I told him that (after looking at his code), he yelled at me that "there's no mistake, do you really understand PHP? " And he ended the meeting
All this happen in a zoom meeting.22 -
Dev: I’m taking a vacation next week
Manager: Good you need a break! I’ve put together a list of tickets for you to action during vacation since you’ll mostly be free during that time
Dev: Do you know what vacation means?
Manager: Well I work during *my* vacation
Dev: You write non-answers to emails and interrupt devs with status questions that are easily answered by a single glance at the kanban board. Also, you’ve just assigned a month’s worth of storyboard points to me on my week long vacation. We’d get more work done if you didn’t “work” during your vacation.
Manager: Well it all needs to get done! It’s the only way we can catch up and get ahead of schedule.
Dev: Why do you exist again?15 -
I was having dinner yesterday and I suddenly get a message from someone from another team.
Them: Hi
Me: Hi
(No response for 20 mins)
Them: I'm having some problem with your service. Its not working when I do <task>
Me: Okay, let me look into that.
Them: Also, <task2> is not working
Them: And <task3> has problems
Them: Could you also look into <task4>?
Me: (visibly sweating) Let's discuss this in detail in the morning.
[Next day, morning]
*convinced that the service has a major bug*
Me: Yeah, show me what is causing the problem.
They show me what they tried. Turns out they made an invalid call and got an error, AS THEY SHOULD, and reported that as a bug. And all the other tasks were because the first call didn't work.
:|5 -
Got laid off my by old employer back in 2019 because they have their priorities completely wrong.
Got a mail today whether I could fix something for them (ofc, they wanted me to do it essentially for free).
One of the websites I built for a customer back when I still worked there had a massive bug (that I was aware off and patched in later versions of the library causing it).
They never updated it so, I told them "just update the library".
Apparently, the idiot that was in charge of maintaining said site after I left didn't know how to and completely broke everything.
The hilarious part: While I setup everything using stuff like Docker and Git to make rollbacks easy...
That idiot went back to FTP and manually upgrading the databases through PhpMyAdmin :^)
He nuked the entire site.
Database? Gone.
Codebase? Borked (installed a version with a lot of breaking changes without properly reading the migration guide).
And knowing that shit company, they don't have any backups either.
They said "I wasn't needed because we have other good devs" when they laid me off.
Uhu, I can eh... see those good devs doing their job :^)51 -
*Romantic candlelit dinner*
GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"
Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"
My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*
GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"
Me: *blinks in awe*
Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate22 -
Working for a company that hasn’t fully implemented git yet.
Servers are a freaking mess.
.old
.bak
Very-very-old
Backup8 -
I’m so fucking sick and tired of !devs telling me how simple a feature should be to implement.
Like motherfucker the most complicated thing you’ve ever done with a computer is attempt (and fail) at working with tables in Microsoft Word and you’re trying to tell me how long a new feature/K8s architecture/noSQL aggregation should take to implement?
A monitor cable wiggling loose paralyses you for hours but I’m supposed to bow down to your understanding of what is causing a bug?6 -
I got an email a couple days ago about a tweet a made about how web developers are unanimously very happy that Microsoft is dropping IE. I got a very angry email from someone who really loved Internet Explorer, apparently 🤔, saying that my tweet was, and I quote "offensive to those who used it loyally for years". That was hysterical for me to read.14
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Made the mistake of mentioning ISO27001 security standard near management.
- "What?? Why don't we have that certificate?! Why are you not thinking about this?"
- "We don't need it."
- "Of course we do! we must have the highest standards!! Lets hire some lawyers and security consultants to help us get certified!"
A week later:
"Ok, turns out we don't need it."
Satan give me strength...9 -
Somebody added me in a Flat Earthers' group in facebook, and they all say the nastiest things about NASA. One of them showed this image :/ Like you could really hack NASA with HTML CSS :/12
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Everyone be like "I started programming at the age of 2 and my first ever spoken words were “for...each”".
We get it, child prodigy.
Don't mind me I'm just salty that I only discovered programming after taking the wrong course at uni which coincidentally had an extraneous Fortran module.16 -
Arrived. After making the order, the company contacted me to make sure its not a misstake :D I'm having so much fun (wasted time) with this ancient tech.8