Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

There are two kinds of developers in this world:
Those that finish the project they started, and

512 looks like a more rounded number than 500.

Why is it that whenever somebody looks over my shoulder at my screen when I'm programming, I mentally degrade to a 6 year old and can barely type???

Boss emailed me that I need to work again on Saturday and Sunday.
I replied with a resignation letter.

I have reached that point of my life where I feel a laptop with an internet connection is all I need to live the rest of my life.

ctrl+c

ctrl+v

Boss: Are you almost done with that project?
Me: *closing Google search of "dogs in top hats"* I need more time

When your vending machine throws an unhandled exception...

My 6 year old has been learning about trees at school, and had questions for me. Needless to say, she now has the best understanding of data structures in her class, and I expect parents evening will be "interesting"

The post button should say "Commit"

Think twice before making a time estimate.

Then multiply that by two.

HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

Raise your hand if you visit Devrant atleast before sleeping and after waking up.

30 year old starting to learn to code. Wish me luck!

If everything is high priority, nothing is high priority.

The only expressions devs have

Devrant mentioned in our Databases course! 😱

My first dev job was the worst! The woman in charge of the building was always on my ass! She didn't really understand what programming was and didn't like that I smoked in my office... Then I moved out of my mom's house and got my own place

Coding Teacher: "you'll need your laptops for the exam. To prevent you from cheating I'll disable the network now"

...pulls out the network cable on his machine...

"okay you can start now"
🤦🏻‍♂️

This is what most people do... lol 😂😂😂😂 😂

My friend said this,

Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.

My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!

Me: What? What did you do?

My friend: Nothing I swear!

Me: But you were last on it?

My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.

Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!

My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /

Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!

My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?

Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?

My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.

Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE

Shortest Programmer Joke:

I'll be done soon!

Just leaving this here

My algorithm for errors

Welcome to 2017:

Facebook = Blue Snapchat
Whatsapp = Green Snapchat
Instagram = AllPossibleColors Snapchat

Ps: First rant **yayy**

So this just happened:

Sarah = best friend (random name)

Sister: Hey, could you help, sarah's phone isn't recognized by her computer anymore.
Me: What phone/pc does she have?
Sister: iPhone/Windows.
Me: Has she checked the drivers?
Sister: *tells to check drivers, feedback:* yes, seems to be fine.
Me: *comes up with 1000 other suggestions*
Sister: *doesn't work every time*
Me: Is there any other information that might be useful in this case?
Sister: Well, she dropped her phone in the water earlier, the phone is hardly responding.
Me: THE WAT? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD BE WORTH MENTIONING IN THE BEGINNING?!? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Universe is telling...

I overheard this on my way back to home.

Girl 1: I bought a new phone yesterday.
Girl 2: Let me see it.
*hands over the phone*
Girl 2: There is no Instagram?
Girl 1: No, Instagram wasn't installed when I bought the phone.
Girl 2: That's weird.

*me almost dead*