"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates

Friend: I hate my new OnePlus 6. It's really slow and hangs a lot

Me: I can't believe

Friend: Use it yourself, you'll know.

*Me using his phone
*Realising it was really slow
*Checking his installed apps

- CCleaner
-DU Booster
-Antivirus free version
-Antivirus pro
-Antivirus ultimate
-Battery Saver
-App Booster
-Super Cleaner
-RAM Master

*poured poision in his coffee
*enjoyed watching him die slowly

My son is about to be born within the next 30 minutes!! Not such a rant just some happy news!

today at programming class...

professor: today we will be teaching you about vim and using the terminal and ssh. those who are smart enough to know these may leave the class, but be sure to sign the attendance sheet.

me: *starts packing and stands up and walks up to the front to sign*
me: *turns around*

EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. i was the one only who stood up and the professor was also looking at me like "wtf this doesnt happen everyday". and so i walked out of there and im so proud of myself lmfao

"If you design something to be idiot proof, the universe will design a better idiot."

Reality of those delivery dates in executive slides 🤓

This made me laugh hard

No credits, sorry

I just had a nightmare.

I never became a developer. Instead I had a normal 9-5, didn't do work at home, slept well and spent my free time on social activities.

It was horrible.

Made a really cool spinning animation on a button that submits a form...

API Call is too fast to see it

setTimeout

New colleague in the office.

Him: How do you rename a file in terminal?
Me: Just sudo rm <filename>, rm stands for ReName.

I'm a horrible person.

"You should use Windows server!"

It was a high security project which needed to run very stable. Even the windows sysadmin looked at that guy like 'dude what the actual fuck'.

I did a fucking scientific study about fucking rants and found a fucking high correlation between the usage of "fuck" and the number of fucking upvotes.

Government on crypto currencies

Government - "You could loose all your money"
Government Again - "You could loose all your money"
Government in loop- "You could loose all your money"

News - "Government planning to ban crypto currencies"

-Market crashed

Government - "Told Ya"

How To Be A Developer
(Easy Method)

(Note: You need an Android device to be a developer)

Step 1: Go to Settings.
Step 2: Click on "About phone".
Step 3: Click on "Build number" 7 times.

Congratulations, you are now a developer!

No questions asked

Thank you makers

I am 52. I think I am the oldest ranter. This deserves a sticker no doubt!

Heard a conversation between my colleague and the boss

Boss: (saw my colleague's messy desk) hey, could you organize your desk? It's not nice to see when clients come in. You know what they say, messy desk represents a messy brain..

Colleague: (glanced over to the boss' empty desk) and what does an empty desk say for the brain?

Substitute Teacher who apparently majors in Java sees my copy.
T - Your programs are incomplete
M - You mean ?
T - Where are the braces ?
M - Its Python
T - It works ?
M - Yes
T - It works on linux ?
M - Yes -_-