Reality of those delivery dates in executive slides 🤓

This made me laugh hard

No credits, sorry

Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

I just had a nightmare.

I never became a developer. Instead I had a normal 9-5, didn't do work at home, slept well and spent my free time on social activities.

It was horrible.

Made a really cool spinning animation on a button that submits a form...

API Call is too fast to see it

setTimeout

New colleague in the office.

Him: How do you rename a file in terminal?
Me: Just sudo rm <filename>, rm stands for ReName.

I'm a horrible person.

"You should use Windows server!"

It was a high security project which needed to run very stable. Even the windows sysadmin looked at that guy like 'dude what the actual fuck'.

I did a fucking scientific study about fucking rants and found a fucking high correlation between the usage of "fuck" and the number of fucking upvotes.

How To Be A Developer
(Easy Method)

(Note: You need an Android device to be a developer)

Step 1: Go to Settings.
Step 2: Click on "About phone".
Step 3: Click on "Build number" 7 times.

Congratulations, you are now a developer!

"If you design something to be idiot proof, the universe will design a better idiot."

"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates

Thank you makers

No questions asked

I am 52. I think I am the oldest ranter. This deserves a sticker no doubt!

Heard a conversation between my colleague and the boss

Boss: (saw my colleague's messy desk) hey, could you organize your desk? It's not nice to see when clients come in. You know what they say, messy desk represents a messy brain..

Colleague: (glanced over to the boss' empty desk) and what does an empty desk say for the brain?

Substitute Teacher who apparently majors in Java sees my copy.
T - Your programs are incomplete
M - You mean ?
T - Where are the braces ?
M - Its Python
T - It works ?
M - Yes
T - It works on linux ?
M - Yes -_-

I've learned that trying to jump into a project without properly understanding everything it will entail is bad.

I recently worked on a project that involved modernizing a legacy system and no one on the team (including me) fully understood how the legacy system worked. This led to us missing a lot of edge cases and attacking the project in a way that really wasn't beneficial overall.

If we had thought about the entire system beforehand and mapped out the legacy system, the project would've turned out much better.

My friend to a group chat "Is arch Linux any good"

Another friend "if you can install it yeah"
😂

Government on crypto currencies

Government - "You could loose all your money"
Government Again - "You could loose all your money"
Government in loop- "You could loose all your money"

News - "Government planning to ban crypto currencies"

-Market crashed

Government - "Told Ya"