Only in computer science you'll find that root is on the top of the tree and that parent may kill it's child after its function is no longer needed.

Phoney call from MS:
- We at Microsoft have detected an issue with your PC.
- Oh, I only have a Mac.
- But that is fine, I will transfer you to the Mac department...

Q: Why did the databases administrator leave his wife?

A: She had one-to-many relationship

I don't care about money, girls, fancy cars, big houses, fame...

I want stars on my GitHub repo

After years of game dev!

Do you follow test driven development?

Only a true master will know the right one

​​​​​​

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

Client: I love the site and will sign your contract today. I'll even give you a bonus since you got it done early. Can you put it up there this evening?

Me: I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll bring a condom with me all filled out and ready to go so we can push it up there.

Me: Contract. Damned phone

Client: please leave the condom at home

What's your worst autocorrect with a client?

Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: Hi IT, I can't enter to my computer, i put my password and it says it's incorrect.
Me: Ok, hold me a few.

(10 seconds without do anything)
Me: Try again.
User: It worked! Thanks!!

Dad: why do these forms ask me to fill those random characters(captcha)

Me: to verify that you are human

Dad: as if animals can use computers

Me: 😅

How to properly have fun on a Saturday night:

1. Suddenly become deeply unsatisfied with current linux distro

2. Evaluate alternatives

3. Decide some change is needed but not too much: install fresh version of old distro

4. Once again, experience profound dissatisfaction

5. Opt for radical change

6. Erase all linux partitions, form a super partition and install a new linux distro on it

7. Spend hours familiarising with the new distro

8. Spend more hours googling stuff and typing commands in the terminal

9. Download current devRant avatar, send it to the PC via Telegram and set it as user's avatar for the welcome screen

10. Feel deeply satisfied

11. Accidentally wake girlfriend up while trying to get to bed. Get told off for staying up until 4am and for "being such a nerd"

Me: That's not how browsers work.

Designer: Well, our users need it.

Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing

Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.

Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.

Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?

Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!

Visual Studio sucks.
Atom sucks.
Sublime Text sucks.

Windows Movie Maker is the real editor for code.

Password field unique in database.

When your boss learns how to use StackOverflow

Nice face recognition

My project manager sent this to me today.

My sister got me some stickers as a birthday present but she didn't know where to buy them. So she painted a gift card instead...😮