Working a new job be like...

Hi everyone! Sam here, @dfox's gf :) so happy to be talking to you all! Today I will be live-ranting TNW Conference where devRant will be presenting with photos in this thread. Pictured here, @dfox and @trogus setting up our booth. There will also be a stage presentation, a sticker printer on site (because how could we not :)), and energy drink/stress ball giveaway. Stop by and say hi if you're here!!

Go devRant team!

Fake bug fix

Never let customers define the priority levels. It will end in:
- Normal (never used)
- High (used for small text changes)
- Higher
- OMG fix now
- Highest
- the World is ending if this doesn't get fixed now
- different existential plane of priority
- Priority ∞ + 1

I don't care about money, girls, fancy cars, big houses, fame...

I want stars on my GitHub repo

Visual Studio sucks.
Atom sucks.
Sublime Text sucks.

Windows Movie Maker is the real editor for code.

So how has coding impacted my life?

I lost 54 kgs. My girlfriend I mean.

Me: That's not how browsers work.

Designer: Well, our users need it.

Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing

Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.

Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.

Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?

Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!

Comment your own code.

"But nobody except me will see..."

COMMENT YOUR OWN CODE!!!

After years of game dev!

Windows is being an over-achiever today

Waiting for this day....

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How to properly have fun on a Saturday night:

1. Suddenly become deeply unsatisfied with current linux distro

2. Evaluate alternatives

3. Decide some change is needed but not too much: install fresh version of old distro

4. Once again, experience profound dissatisfaction

5. Opt for radical change

6. Erase all linux partitions, form a super partition and install a new linux distro on it

7. Spend hours familiarising with the new distro

8. Spend more hours googling stuff and typing commands in the terminal

9. Download current devRant avatar, send it to the PC via Telegram and set it as user's avatar for the welcome screen

10. Feel deeply satisfied

11. Accidentally wake girlfriend up while trying to get to bed. Get told off for staying up until 4am and for "being such a nerd"

Only in computer science you'll find that root is on the top of the tree and that parent may kill it's child after its function is no longer needed.

Password field unique in database.

Phoney call from MS:
- We at Microsoft have detected an issue with your PC.
- Oh, I only have a Mac.
- But that is fine, I will transfer you to the Mac department...

Q: Why did the databases administrator leave his wife?

A: She had one-to-many relationship

TOP 10 PROGRAMMING BEST PRACTICES

#1 Start numbering from 0.
#10 Sort elements in lexicographic order for readability.
    #2 Use consistent indentation.
#3 use Consistent Casing.
#4.000000000000001 Use floating-point arithmetic only where necessary.
#5 Not avoiding double negations is not smart.
#6 Not recommended is Yoda style.
#7 See rule #7.
#8 Avoid deadlocks.
#9 ISO-8859 is passé - Use UTF-8 if you ▯ Unicode.
#A Prefer base 10 for human-readable messages.
#10 See rule #7.
#10 Don't repeat yourself.

25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often

(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))

1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room