So, there's this big company in Poland with its name starting with C and having CEO famous for saying that every software developer can be replaced with a finite number of college students.

They recently lost a HUGE government contract and so stories of people working there came to light. My two personal favourites:

1. A tester who has been fired for finding too many bugs and mistakes in their product. He was also told that bugs are to be found by clients on production, not in-house.

2. A programmer who was yelled at by his team leader for "wasting time" on code reviews instead of typing the code. He was also told he hadn't been hired to criticise other people code.

God, I'm so grateful I don't work there.

Buckle up kids, this one gets saucy.

At work, we have a stress test machine that trests tensile, puncture and breaking strength for different materials used (wood construction). It had a controller software update that was supposed to be installed. I was called into the office because the folks there were unable to install it, they told me the executable just crashed, and wanted me to take a look as I am the most tech-savvy person there.

I go to the computer and open up the firmware download folder. I see a couple folders, some random VBScript file, and Installation.txt. I open the TXT, and find the first round of bullshit.

"Do not run the installer executable directly as it will not work. Run install.vbs instead."

Now, excuse me for a moment, but what kind of dick-cheese-sniffing cockmonger has end users run VBScript files to install something in 2018?! Shame I didn't think of opening it up and examining it for myself to find out what that piece of boiled dogshit did.

I suspend my cringe and run it, and lo and behold, it installs. I open the program and am faced with entering a license key. I'm given the key by the folks at the office, but quickly conclude no ways of entering it work. I reboot the program and there is an autofilled key I didn't notice previously. Whatever, I think, and hit OK.

The program starts fine, and I try with the login they had previously used. Now it doesn't work for some reason. I try it several times to no avail. Then I check the network inspector and notice that when I hit login, no network activity happens in the program, so I conclude the check must be local against some database.

I browse to the program installation directory for clues. Then I see a folder called "Databases".

"This can't be this easy", I think to myself, expecting to find some kind of JSON or something inside that I can crawl for clues. I open the folder and find something much worse. Oh, so much worse.

I find <SOFTWARE NAME>.accdb in the folder. At this point cold sweat is already running down my back at the sheer thought of using Microsoft Access for any program, but curiosity takes over and I open it anyway.

I find the database for the entire program inside. I also notice at this point that I have read/write access to the database, another thing that sent my alarm bells ringing like St. Pauls cathedral. Then I notice a table called "tUser" in the left panel.

Fearing the worst, I click over and find... And you knew it was coming...

Usernames and passwords in plain text.

Not only that, they're all in the format "admin - admin", "user - user", "tester - tester".

I suspend my will to die, login to the program and re-add the account they used previously. I leave the office and inform the peeps that the program works as intended again.

I wish I was making this shit up, but I really am not. What is the fucking point of having a login system at all when your users can just open the database with a program that nowadays comes bundled with every Windows install and easily read the logins? It's not even like the data structure is confusing like minified JSON or something, it's literally a spreadsheet in a program that a trained monkey could read.

God bless them and Satan condemn the developers of this fuckawful program.

Me: Wish I got one guilty free murder pass..

God: GRANTED! Which software tester would you like to kill?

The developer's date
-----------------------------------
Me working as a developer, after a date with a cute girl
Bestie: Bro, how was the date?
Me: We cant be in a relationship.
Bestie: Why man? She is cute, she likes you and she has got a decent job.
Me: Yeah the third one is the problem. She is a SOFTWARE TESTER!!!😫

Software tester here. Developers what do you think about us honestly? Do you enjoy testers who point out bugs directly or are we a pain in the ass? I feel like developers appreciate my work. I can ask them questions and they are happy I can point out flaws in the app directly. It's also fun to do as a temporary job now.

➡️You Are Not A Software Developer⬅️

When I became a developer, I thought that my job is to write software. When my customer had a problem, I was ready to write software that solves that problem. I was taught to write software.

But what customers need is not software. They need a solution to their problem. Your job is to find the most cost-effective solution, what software often is not.

According to the universal law of software development, more code leads to more bugs:

e = mc²

Or

errors = (more code)²

The number of bugs grows with the amount of code. You have to prioritize, reproduce and fix bugs.

The more code you write, the more your team and the team after it has to maintain. Even if you split the system into micro services, the complexity remains.

Writing well-tested, clean code takes a lot of time. When you’re writing code, other important work is idle. The work that prevents your company from becoming rich.

A for-profit company wants to make money and reduce expenses. Then the company hires you to solve problems that prevent it from becoming rich. Confused by your job title, you take their money and turn it into expensive software.

But business has nothing to do about software. Even software business is not about software. Business is about making money.

Your job is to understand how the company is making money, help make more money and reduce expenses. Once you know that, you will become the most valuable asset in the company.

Stop viewing yourself as a software developer. You are a money maker.

Think about how to save and make money for your customers.

Find the most annoying problem and fix it:

▶️Is adding a new feature too costly? Solve the problem manually.
▶️Is testing slow? Become a tester.
▶️Is hiring not going well? Speak at a meetup and advertise your company.
▶️Is your team not productive enough? Bring them coffee.

Your job title doesn’t matter. Ego doesn’t matter either.

Titles and roles are distracting us from what matters to our customers – money.💸

You are a money maker. Thinking as a money maker can help choose the next skill for development. For example:

Serverless: pay only for resources you consume, spend less time on capacity planning = 💰

Machine Learning: get rid of manual decision-making = 💰

TDD: shorter feedback cycle, fewer bugs = 💰

Soft Skills: inspire teammates, so they are more productive and happy = 💰

If you don’t know what to learn next — answer a simple question:

What skills can help my company make more money and reduce expenses?

Very unlikely it’s another web framework written in JavaScript.

Article by Eduards Sizovs
Sizovs.net

my life as a single male software tester, on tinder and jira

"rejected, can't reproduce"

I once worked with an obsessive tester who was bent on ‘testing’ the README file of a Software Distribution.

The README text file was in the distribution zip, so she had to unzip the thing before reading the file, however she insisted that her test result was a failure because there was no README that shows her how to unzip the distro to read the README!

I thought she was joking, but she was dead serious and escalated the ‘issue’ to the manager! I was furious, almost resigned from the project

In the end I had to suck it up and tolerated more weeks of her mindless obsession!

I walk into the kickoff meeting today. The first part of this project had 5 developers and a project manager. Former project manager handled communication and sheltered us from bullshit. We built an amazing piece of software in a very short time. Customers were so amazed that they decided to reboot the project, boost the funding by several million, and let us go again. They specifically requested the same team.

Now the team looks like this: the neediest tester guy, a UX lady that doesn't have any UX background, an agile "visionary", a project manager that doesn't understand how development works, a solutions architect, 3 COTS platform specialists, a devops specialist, and an account lead. They have booked all kinds of workshops and other shit to kick things off.

So development capacity is only 60% of what it was. Management ratio was 1:5 before. Now the management ratio is 9:3. The new project manager thinks developers should be on more customer calls and responding to all customer emails during sprints. We already built this system and devops pipelines end to end. The COTS people, solutions architect, or the UX person can't program. They want us to magically convert this custom application into one based on COTS. What we need to do is make the rest of the business processes that we omitted, integrate known feedback, rework the backend, build better automated testing, improve logging and reporting, add another actor to the system, add a different authentication method, and basically work through the massive backlog.

How do they think this is going to work? Do they think we can download a custom engineered enterprise grade software system from Microsoft and double click all the way to customer satisfaction? The licenses alone are too much for the customer on an ongoing cost basis. I guess we can discuss it during the agile team-building weekend at some remote lake that the team "visionary" has set up. For the sake of fuck.

Like development isn't hard enough. Hire two more developers and lose all of the dead weight. Get a project manager that won't let the trivial shit roll down on us. What the fuck.

On the game front, I see so much conflicting advice. "Start getting feedback" as soon as possible. "Donnt soft launch on steam! The algol will wreck you.", "soft launch on itch to get feedback", "dont soft launch on itch!"

"Start marketing today", "focus on influencers", "get to know communities *before* you advertise", "dont get to know communities beforehand if you're just planning on self prompting", "dont self promote".
"CPM is important.", "CPA is important". Etc.

Sounds a lot like "have a bunch of money upfront." The solution is just to succeed from the start! It's so obvious. Just invent the next gta. The next facebook. Get a small loan of 50,000 dollars, or a million. Donate for a year to other kickstarter projects so people will know you and reciprocate! But also dont ebeg!

How about no. How about fuck all this advice by silver spoon assholes that didnt have to work on shoestring budgets. The advice is the equivalent of having a 300 page tonedeaf book, every page blank except page 150, where the words "fuck you. I got mine." Are printed in times new Roman, 14pt font, neatly in the center of the page.

The truth is most of the "indies" already made it in the software industry proper, before switching over. $5k kickstarter videos, with $15k marketing budgets, no doubt funded in part through their own money funneled through services that provide shell donations, because KS is being used as a glorified advertising service. People buying off steam curators for promotions, youtubers making sponsored videos without disclosing they're sponsored. Fake viralility. Fake campaigns. Predetermined success for those who could *already* afford to develop and go commercial without a publisher. And they came into the market and cannibalized the opportunity, raising the bar for everyone that wasnt them. I guess that's actually a good thing, because we wouldnt have half the amazing games we do, and the pressure to produce quality. But then I see fantastic games utterly ignored or flailing in an attempt to compete for eyeballs in an industry frequently dominated by gatekeeping marketeers and influencers, where human grace determines success or complete oblivion. And I'm just disgusted with it.

Also buy my game. Preorder NOW! And you'll get a REAL canvas bag, I'll go to like the goodwill and buy one and screen print the game logo on it or some shit. Buy the special collectors edition and get pictures of my feet. Buy the game of the year edition and get a real gasmask. Preorder now and I'll fucking suck your di k right now. No lie. Preorder the diamond edition RIGHT NOW in the next six minutes and I will send you one hundred thousand dollars in gold plated bottle caps. Limited supply. one million per customer. Offer expires soon. This is not a scam. I repeat. This is NOT a scam.

In other news I'm soft launching Atom Ranger in six months (assuming the nuclear apocalypse hasn't *actually* started by then). Its state of decay and fallout meets rimworld. Build and manage a sprawling base, resolving conflicts, exploring post apocalyptic Colorado and surrounding territories of no-mans-land. Navigate hazardous weather, radioactive terrain, collapsed bridges, dangerous rivers, and deal with cultists, bandits, slavers, and hungry cannibals. Broker peace between not just the factions outside your settlements, but within your base too. Manage conflicts, settle disputes, avert disasters, barter, scavenge, and survive in a fully dynamic world, where buildings slowly crumble, grass and trees sprout up in the road and vacant lots, fires burn out of control, and factions loot, ruin, and takeover settlements. Watch the world and the survivors in it change and survive. Help them to survive, or become a warlord and rule over the wastes.

Lets be honest. It's basically kenshi but less complicated.

If you want to volunteer to test (instead of paying to be a glorified tester, aka "alpha") let me know in the comments.

I'm currently setting up a discord and mailing list.

our tester arguing with software house about blocker severity bug

SH: "No, this bug is not possible. It's possible only when you are logged as admin in other tab"

T: "I managed to replicate it in another browser in private mode"

SH: "But you can't replicate the bug now"

T: "True that I don't know steps to replicate it and it occurs just sometimes... Let me check right now"

...

T: "Okay, I managed to replicate it right now in private mode in other browser on normal user account"

SH: "Because you are admin"

They are pretending to be idiots or just are?

Yet another day at work:

My job is to write test libraries for web services and test others code. Yes I know to code, and have a niche in software testing.
Sometimes developers (whose code I find bugs in) get so defensive and scream in emails and meetings if I point out an issue in their code.
Today, when I pointed a bug in his repo, a developer questioned me in an email asking if I even understood his code, and as a tester I shouldn’t look at his code and only blackbox test it.

I wish I can educate the defensive developer that sometimes, it’s okay to make mistakes and be corrected. That’s how we deliver services that doesn’t suck in production.

So first of all I'm not a dev.

I'm a software tester and my test manager is a douche, but this is not it.

Today I went to the end user place along with him to teach them how to test properly and how to manage the software test cycle in JIRA.

I did a demo and showed the users the software the dev team developed and of course there were a lot of rants about it.
Users noted down a list of things to be changed and we kept going.

By the end of the demo, my test manager started discussing the fact that I told these guys to open Bugs without test objects on Jira.

I mean, we don't have a test cycle or test cased yet but these guys found issues already, what's the point?

So here's the funny part.

He then starts telling users (which ignore testing fundaments) to create a test cycle called 'meeting of today dd/mm/yyyy" and create tests below it which were named with the names of who created them.
All of that without a logic and ignoring the fact that these tests were not tests.

I was laughing my ass off while assisting this total mess and I almost lost control.

And this is my manager.

Luckily, tomorrow is Saturday.

I didn't posted something in a long time so...

TL;DR: FUCK YOU ANDROID STUDIO YOU FUCKING SHIT PIECE OF SOFTWARE

Thank you for your time.

I am running my own meme social network. For quite some time I wished I knew a Android developer, which could help me.

Because I know java I tried it myself, and Android studio is one of the worst programms I've ever seen.

My app crashed the whole time, just because my studio version was 1 behind. Updated studio, everything worked.

My layout wasn't showing correctly, reopened Studio, all layouts deleted.

For no good reason video views aren't resizing, so I need to use exoplayer.

One video on my platform nearly crashes the app when creating a thumbnail.

And so one....

I fucking hate Android studio...

(PS: if your a German, Swiss, Austrian you could check out my network and may become a beta tester of the app)

Since there is Scrum i am programmer , tester , software engineer , networking guy and application manager. Thank you Scrum didnt know that before. And i have no idea what i am doing right now ....

What do you guys think, is there a couple in the world which consists of a Dev and a Software tester? :D

So at our company, we use Google Sheets to for to coordinate everything, from designs to bug reporting to localization decisions, etc... Except for roadmaps, we use Trello for that. I found this very unintuitive and disorganized. Google Sheets GUI, as you all know, was not tailored for development project coordination. It is a spreadsheet creation tool. Pages of document are loosely connected to each other and you often have to keep a link to each of them because each Google Sheets document is isolated from each other by design. Not to mention the constant requests for permission for each document, wasting everybody's time.

I brought up the suggestion to the CEO that we should migrate everything to GitHub because everybody already needed a Github account to pull the latest version of our codebase even if they're not developers themselves. Gihub interface is easier to navigate, there's an Issues tab for bug report, a Wiki tab for designs and a Projects tab for roadmaps, eliminating the need for a separate Trello account. All tabs are organized within each project. This is how I've seen people coordinated with each other on open-source projects, it's a proven, battle-tested model of coordination between different roles in a software project.

The CEO shot down the proposal immediately, reason cited: The design team is not familiar with using the Github website because they've never thought of Github as a website for any role other than developers.

Fast-forward to a recent meeting where the person operating the computer connected to the big TV is struggling to scroll down a 600+ row long spreadsheet trying to find one of the open bugs. At that point, the CEO asked if there's anyway to hide resolved bugs. I immediately brought up Github and received support from our tester (vocal support anyway, other devs might have felt the same but were afraid to speak up). As you all know, Github by default only shows open issues by default, reducing the clutter that would be generated by past closed issues. This is the most obvious solution to the CEO's problem. But this CEO still stubbornly rejected the proposal.

2 lessons to take away from this story:

- Developer seems to be the only role in a development team that is willing to learn new tools for their work. Everybody else just tries to stretch the limit of the tools they already knew even if it meant fitting a square peg into a round hole. Well, I can't speak for testers, out of 2 testers I interacted with, one I never asked her opinion about Github, and the other one was the guy mentioned above. But I do know a pixel artist in the same company having a similar condition. She tries to make pixel arts using Photoshop. Didn't get to talk to her about this because we're not on the same project, but if we were, I'd suggest her use Aseprite, or (at least Pixelorama if the company doesn't want to spend for Aseprite's price tag) for the purpose of drawing pixel arts. Not sure how willing she would be at learning new tools, though.

- Github and other git hosts have a bit of a branding problem. Their names - Github, BitBucket, GitLab, etc... - are evocative of a tool exclusively used by developers, yet their websites have these features that are supposed to be used by different roles other than developers. Issues tabs are used by testers as well as developers. Wiki tabs are used by designers alongside developers. Projects and Insights tabs are used by project managers/product owners. Discussion tabs are used by every roles. Artists can even submit new assets through Pull Requests tabs if the Art Directors know how to use the site interface (Art Directors' job is literally just code review, but for artistic assets). These websites are more than just git hosts. They are straight-up Jira replacement with git hosting as a bonus feature. How can we get that through the head of non-developers so that we don't have to keep 4+ accounts for different websites for the same project?

*Filling out unit test plan for tester which is an Excel Document*
*Excel keeps trying to correct capitalization on a word that I want capitalized over and over*

LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT! If I didn't want to capitalize that word I wouldn't have capitalized it! Just do what I tell you to do! YOU ARE A PIECE OF SOFTWARE! YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

A shitty job is any job where there's a role "manual tester", defined as a person with no software development experience clicking about some application. That person/role is bad for health and will shorten your life. Stay away!

So I'm a software tester and about a week ago I started developing a simple node application in my spare time. I was also about a week ago that I found devrant.

I didn't know I needed to add my statics in index.js. I spend two days on fixing a mime-error.

..I need a rubber duck.

But learning to code and devrant are really awesome! :D

Stack Overflow people have profound buffallo bullcrap on their skulls, they are some software engineers who have fucked COBOL and BASIC, probably somewhere like NASA, just pondering out where someone post a question. They're probably some etilist cult banging a prostitute while delivering that awful downvote imitating the slap they give the chick during sex. They desire questions such as

"RANDOM_fuck_module_Abdul.method() not working in python" or "how to dock the dock by undocking" (tagged: AWS). Not things like "why does the audio tag not work in a PC but works in w3school tester?" or a genuine programming question. Fuck.

We don't tail recurse or loop abc for k in godfuck loops, huh? We make simple things as: a form, a http request to dell.

I hope there penises get rotten in the hell. Period.
this is just a part of SO.

The Odyssey of the Tenacious Tester:

Once upon a time in the digital kingdom of Binaryburg, there lived a diligent software tester named Alice. Alice was on a mission to ensure the flawless functionality of the kingdom's latest creation – the Grand Software Citadel.

The Grand Software Citadel was a marvel, built by the brilliant developers of Binaryburg to serve as the backbone of all digital endeavors. However, with great complexity came an even greater need for meticulous testing.

Alice, armed with her trusty testing toolkit, embarked on a journey through the intricate corridors of the Citadel. Her first challenge was the Maze of Edge Cases, where unexpected scenarios lurked at every turn. With a keen eye and a knack for uncovering hidden bugs, Alice navigated the maze, leaving no corner untested.

As she progressed, Alice encountered the Chamber of Compatibility, a place where the Citadel's code had to dance harmoniously with various browsers and devices. With each compatibility test, she waltzed through the intricacies of cross-browser compatibility, ensuring that the Citadel would shine on every screen.

But the true test awaited Alice in the Abyss of Load and Performance. Here, the Citadel's resilience was put to the test under the weight of simulated user hordes. Alice, undeterred by the mounting pressure, unleashed her army of virtual users upon the software, monitoring performance metrics like a hawk.

In the end, after days and nights of relentless testing, Alice emerged victorious. The Grand Software Citadel stood strong, its code fortified against the perils of bugs and glitches.

To honor her dedication, the software gods bestowed upon Alice the coveted title of Bug Slayer and a badge of distinction for her testing prowess. The testing community of Binaryburg celebrated her success, and her story became a legend shared around digital campfires.

And so, dear software testers, let the tale of Alice inspire you in your testing quests. May your test cases be thorough, your bug reports clear, and your software resilient against the challenges of the digital realm.

In the world of software testing, every diligent tester is a hero in their own right, ensuring that the digital kingdoms stand tall and bug-free.

!rant
Hello guys, a spy here. Working as a software tester, currently doing automation with Robot Framework, learning some Python on the way. Came to read about dev things. I really like it so far.

Okay, this time it's BINGO game for software testers/QA....
C'mon, tell us your bingo score 😄

If starlord worked in software sector, he'd be a tester.

So my phone is currently in the service center. I am using company test device to get by.

Software tester consultant at work brought home the iPhone test device that I wanted to use. It's been gone for a few days.

One day he returned it to the office and then it's my turn to use it. Peeked at iMessage. Turns out he gave this to his wife/gf/whatever.

A message thread reads:
Gf: Are you hanging out with devs?
Bitch QA: No, would never hang out with people under me.
Bith gf: as should be

I am not under you dick. I'm the project lead, you are under me. it's just that I help devs so I dev too.

I won't let you stay long in this company bitch with the way you think of devs. You are a tester, you work for devs bitch.

I remember that quote, you can judge a man not by how he treats his colleagues but by how he treats those below him.

And bitch I am judging you to be dick. You won't get what you want here, you won't abuse devs.

Thread about Quality Analysts/Testers!

I've seen that Managers and HR get a lot of shit thrown their way but I'm surprised to see no love for our QA friends

What was your worst experience with a QA/Software Tester? When was the last time you felt like punching your monitor over an argument with them?

If you're a QA, what has been your worst experience with developers?

Hi, everybody. I'm a software tester, and I'm dreaming to be a developer. Was dreaming... Week ago I have lost my passion totally. About 1 year or more, everyday I woke up at 4:00 at the morning to start coding, reading books, solving problems in Android development, and now I feel that I've lost my passion. I feel that mobile development is disgusting. I'm trying to start with Machine Learning, JavaSript frontend development, Python, Java and Spring and everywhere I realise that I have to learn a lot to get a job. I see a lot of ways, but I really don't know what way to choose. I'm lost. I want to die.

- One of the reasons for test driven development is that human makes errors. Both in developing the software and in testing it. So it's cheaper and safer to let computers do the test.
- So... who's going to develop the tester software itself?
- Human!

Ok so I'm working at this bank that hired me as a lead dev to do something about the quality of the software. Now we have CI builds with front end and back end unit tests, sonarqube, coding standards and much more. First release.of our software had only 1 low impact defect! All other software they released in the past always has dozens of bugs.

Now I have this front end guy in my team. He thinks he is really good and actually said my front end skills suck. What?? Wtf you saying? I'm truly full stack and doing front end way longer than he does and already did many many successful projects for awesome well known companies. So he refactores some JS component I wrote. Now this component is very simple but needed to look and behave different on different devices and screen sizes. It was working perfectly. Our tester did extensive tests on all sorts of devices and browsers: worked perfectly.

So, this 'front end king' is now already in the 3rd week of making changes to this component. And still it is not working properly. And he doubts my front end skills?!

Hahahaha go fuck yourself you god damn piece of fucking front end retard!! Everything you make doesn't worl right away and needs at least 4 revisions. Fuck you!

What does a software tester do between releases?

I mean, it can take weeks before another release comes up. What do they work with between releases?

The awkward moment when someone tells you that they use your software but that's impossible because it's in private beta and your the only tester...

Hi,is anyone here a Software Tester by profession.It would be awesome to know what kind of work you are getting into as I consider it one of my career choices after I finish my degree.

Oh yeah! I am a struggling coder. I have a dream. I want to be a coder what if I am a software tester now. I will create my own softwares. The day I get my concepts right, you will see me scripting your story!

So tester’ duty is to make sure the software application is bug free or defect free by implementing various scenarios with testing techniques, don’t u agree? pls. comment

Testing, Software testing, every industrial tester, it's your call, can you come up with one cool thing about software testing? For me, cool thing about testing is to see the automation. What about you?

So, I’m currently a software tester (please don’t hate me) who is looking to move into development. I’ve been teaching myself programming and have been applying for junior dev jobs.

But it’s been tough, places I’ve been applying for want candidates who have had at least 1 year experience developing in a previous role.

I’ve had an interview for a junior role, but they wanted someone with more experience (and it was my first technical interview so I may have made a few mistakes)

I don’t want to be testing software manually forever (seriously, the manual regression test pack where I work is 1000+ test cases), I find programming more interesting and fun.

What can I do devRant?

Onwards and upwards with the applications. 👍

About a year ago, I wanted to work as a software tester. But after the courses, everything got bogged down. And now I consider myself as stupid as possible to get into this field. What the hell to do with it?