The 28 install disks for windows 95

When I was a kid, my dad was always busy. He is an orphan with next to inheritance and had to work really hard to send me to school. I don’t remember playing with him ever.

He is about to retire in a few years, so he gets some free time now, but now, I’m struggling too hard and don’t have time for anything random at all. The generation gap makes it impossible to share anything at all.

We don’t have any common interests, and don’t get to do stuff together.

Today, we built a mechanical keyboard together. 1 hour. I absolutely loved it.

we switched from GitHub to BitBucket and I saw my colleague try to run `bit status` because they thought GitHub = git so BitBucket = bit.

Had a good chuckle seeing that.

I received a ticket today that said

"The customer can access the app fine if they're at their home, but when they occasionally go to the desert they can't access the app"

You can't make this stuff up.

Someone please kill me.

AWS has identified suspicious activity on my account.

I'm using it for the first time in 2 years. That's the suspicious activity.

November 2022

*Wife*: What do you want for x-mas? A new phone maybe? Yours has lived through a lot already - perhaps it's time for an upgrade?
*I*: Naah, thanks. My trusty S7 still works incredibly well. I also have all those 2FAs set up there and stuff I'm too lazy to transfer over to a new device.

*Parents*: What do you want for–//–
*I*: Naah, thanks. My tr–//–

*in-laws*: What do you want for–//–
*I*: Naah, thanks. My tr–//–

*Siblings*: What do you want for–//–
*I*: Naah, thanks. My tr–//–

January 2023:
*My phone*:

My most f*cked up client process I ever had to deal with:

Digitalizing E-Mails.

I seriously asked if they were joking on me… Wasn't the case.

The process was: Get E-Mail, print out, scan, archive (digitally).

Nobody could explain to me the necessity for this bullsh*t.
"Hmm... Kinda always worked this way, I guess"
The client was a big company. My coworker aged 5x faster during that project. I swear to god, I'm not joking.

How it should be 😌✨

Being over-motivated will make you irritating to others and Boring to yourself!

Interviewer: I don't understand. With a resume and portfolio like yours you shouldn't be applying to companies like us. You should be setting your sights on companies like Google/Meta. You'd be bored here after everything you've done so far. I know we're offering more money than your current position but you're worth more believe me. I'm going to keep looking, and so should you. But you need to aim higher.

Dev: ...

Well fuck me I guess?

Ever dealt with people who don’t understand a damn thing they’re coding and just copy and paste stuff around and say that it works? It’s amazing how long people can skate by with only knowing 50% of how what they’re working on works.

We had some dumb know it all on our team who would regularly ship half-done stuff to production and then scramble to fix it after the users bitched about how it didn’t meet the requirements.

This stupid person changed an else to an if having no idea what any of the logic did in this section of code, didn’t adequately test it, and it somehow made it through code review because the better devs were out of office.

This bullshit goes to production, fucks up 200,000 records, and users start complaining about it. Shitty developer refuses to revert the offending code until multiple people on the team overrule them. They spend the next week unfucking the data and decides to just take a day off on Wednesday because it’s been “too much mental energy to fix.” The shit wasn’t even fully resolved yet.

Some people seriously do not belong in this industry. This person’s thought process was:
“Changing an else to an if can’t possibly have significant consequences. Let’s just change this so my code change executes to see what happens.”

Still not sure how they weren’t fired when this happened. They unfortunately got to quit on their own two months later.

0.1 + 0.2 = 0.3 right?

js: no

I'm getting tired of these 🤡s

Just found a stackoverflow thread that had no answer and 2 comments. Here are the comments:

Person 1: Did you find a solution for this?
Author: Yes, please email me [...@gmail.com].

Bruh, what's wrong with some people???? Writing nothing at all would be better then that

Same here..

All of them are useless.
It’s just a matter of time.

I hired a guy on upwork. His english is shit. But hes done the work correctly. Fast forward today he asked me "off topic question but do u have any female friend who can accompany me to fuck?"

WTF IS THIS SHIT

That is not professional AT ALL. I dont give a shit about the fact he cant get no bitches so hes begging me as if im some kind of a pimp. On upwork?? Gtfo.

Now i understand why companies want to hire only people with college DEGREES because they have went through the process of conforming and dont ask stupid shit questions. Eliminates a lot of bullshit and Neanderthals like this guy

Ffs

Shopping for fridge with sister in law.

"Yeah that one is nice but it doesn't have an app"

"Why do you need an app for your fridge"

"I don't know, but this other fridge has an app, so I think if it doesn't have an app it's not that good"

"But it's very energy-efficient, silent and spacious. The one with the app is the same size, has a worse energy rating, is noisier and is more expensive as well"

"Yeah I know but if there's no extra features that's kind of boring"

"You are everything that's wrong with modern consumers"

Me a month ago: "I'm done with full-time corporate work. I'm going to shift to freelance only so I can enjoy my life and not be in a grind, bowing and scraping to a manager all day."

*Recruiter finds me and offers me a full-time opportunity*

Me now: "Well, I guess I can look into it..."

Me 9 months from now: "I'm done with full-time corporate work. I'm going to shift to freelance only so I can enjoy my life and not be in a grind, bowing and scraping to a manager all day."

Repeat until dead.

*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

When your code finally works but you have no idea how:

I am sure he didn't mean it

I use "fuck" to rarely i analyzed my rants and comments and have written 8465 words and only 37 occurences of "fuck". That's not even half a percent

Engineering managers will say things like -
- "I'll let the team decide what's best for them" & "code quality is our primary goal" -
but then they'll shoot down any & all requests to go back to some old piece of code and refactor/clean it, because of "deadlines".
Hypocrites, all of them.

Don't deploy on Fridays.

Didn't finish morning run in time for morning scrum call. Looks like I'm answering the call from here.

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

You cant write that you have used Linux on your CV just because you are using WSL

Well today was a good day, after getting fired from my last job I got awarded in my current one. feels good to be appreciated 🙂

Me (new position): Hey, can I run this locally?

Other dev: No, it can only run through CI.

Me (exploring): Oh, I see. CI -> Docker -> Makefile -> Ansible -> Packer -> Terraform -> new EC2 image -> new EC2 host -> command.

Well fuck. That's not going to work locally.