There's one thing I have most frustrated with, it's when a project manager has no technical knowledge.
They are like those people who makes you angry every time they open their mouth.
Thay just never makes sense and never understand anything.
Always wasting everybody's time.

Me: "Team, we need to make a call. We have 2 options to deal with issue X: we either apply the mechanism A, sort the issue out right away, but risk creating another issue in the long run, or we take another path and try and change the process revolving around X to make it less painful if any."

Colleague: *calls me on Slack*

Me: "You, tsup?"
Colleague: "You said you wanted a call"

Me: *that's not the call I had in mind......*

My life lately

Fingers crossed we can say goodbye to ping and latency problems in next 5-10 years. Exciting times we live in.

So like, are you implying the chef will come to my house?

ever got stuck so bad you don't even know what to google?

Dev: Sam’s a little nervous about taking his paid leave. I guess it’s not common in Nigeria. He needs to hear from the company that taking time off like that is acceptable.

HR: THAT’S SO INAPPROPRIATE! YOU CAN’T ASSUME HE’S FRON NIGERIA JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A VERY RICH AND DIVERSE CULTURE, THEY ARE NOT ALL FROM NIGERIA!!!

Dev: Sam is from Nigeria. He told me so. He tells me a lot of stories from there.

HR: …

Dev: Can you tell me something about Sam besides his skin colour?

HR: …

Dev: …

So this guy is supposed to do the frontend.
I do the backend.
I offer an endpoint.
He does his HTML+CSS magic.
Me: Cool but data is hardcoded. Could you get the data from the endpoint I sent you?
Him: "I'd prefer you do that, I can make a git repo so you download the front."

... So you don't do frontend, you just write pretty layouts. And I have to actually write the frontend logic? Go f yourself.

Rant
Why do shithead clients think they can walk away without paying us once we deliver the project !!!

So, here goes nothing..
Got an online gig to create a dashboard.
Since i had to deal with a lot of shitheads in the past, I told them my rules were simple, 20% advance, 40% on 50% completion and 40% after i complete and send them proof of completion. Once i receive the payment in full, only then i will hand over the code.
They said it was fine and paid 20%.
I got the next 40% also without any effort but they said they also needed me to deploy the code on their AWS account, and they were ready to pay extra for it, so i agreed.
I complete the whole project and sent them the screenshots, asking for the remaining 40% payment. They rejected the request saying my work was not complete as i had not deployed on AWS yet. After a couple of more such exchanges, i agreed to setup their account before the payment. But i could sense something fishy, so i did everything on their AWS account, except registered the domain from my account and set up everything. Once i inform them that its done and ask for the remaining payment.
The reply i got was LOL.
I tried to login to the AWS account, only to find password had been changed.
Database access revoked.
Even my admin account on the app had been removed. Thinking that they have been successful, they even published ads about thier NEW dashboard to their customers.
I sent them a final mail with warning ending with a middle finger emoji. 24 hours later,
I created a github page with the text " This website has been siezed by the government as the owner is found accused in fraud" and redirected the domain to it. Got an apology mail from them 2 hours later begging me to restore the website. i asked for an extra 10% penalty apart from the remaining payment. After i got paid, set an auto-reply of LOL to thier emails and chilled for a week before restoring the domain back to normal.
Dev : 1
Shithead Client: 0

So today this Mother F**ker get HR to back him up to accuse me of not communicating well in the team because I consistently asked him (the code owner) why he kept coding not following the coding guideline.

How is it not communicating? He literally ghosted me and blocked me every time I ask him questions. Which I somewhat don't understand what he is trying to do. HR lady told me that a senior software engineer should have the knowledge to understand everything and all the code.

But the code looks like this :

well, true

Meeting at 9:45

I arrive at 9:44

"You're late"

Can anyone suggest me some repo or blog link that has good code structure of node apis.
Something that can be use in big project.

Senior Manager: I have to use your app today, how do I do that?

Dev: Well first you log in, and then you clic—

Senior Manager: That’s way too low level, I only deal with things on high level! Explain it to me from a high level.

Dev: Use the app to orchestrate the visibility of action items to stakeholders and pivot the leverage towards buy-in.

Senior Manager: Hmmmm….

Dev: Agile.

Senior Manager: Aha! I understand how to use the app perfectly now!

Senior Manager’s Account: Last Login - Never.

Those unit tests can be commented out, they’re failing right now.

Software Engineer : I have Better skills.
Scrum Master: I have higher pay .

My AP Computer Science teacher changed my life in 2001. Until then, I wasn’t considering a career in development. He challenged me to write a back propagating multi layer perceptron neural network, and an RPN calculator. Every day made me think about how to solve problems at an algorithmic level. He was brutally honest, and one of the reasons why I’m an team manager now. RIP, your legacy won’t be forgotten.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN TEACHER. The failures I got in the past , failed to build a simple app , I get to where I am today because I failed many times.

My best teacher for this will always be my mistakes , my mistakes are the greatest teacher

Yeap.... we are

Manager: Does anybody having any money saving ideas?

Dev: By switching our supplier from X to Y we could save $10,000/year and they have much better customer service.

Manager: So? I’m looking more for savings opportunities in the +$100k range. That’s a small idea, I’m looking for *BIG* ideas.

Dev: Do you have any big ideas?

Manager: No, but I really really want to save big money like that. I thought you would have something worthwhile.

Dev: $10,000 still a lot of money

Manager: I guess…. Ok we can do it. But don’t bother me with peanuts like this again.

Dev: ??? You asked me buddy

Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

Manager: Why haven’t you shipped any code today? It’s almost lunch.

Dev: Stuck on a bug

Manager: I’ll help you

Dev: Please don—

Manager: Have you tried thinking outside the box?

Dev: …Dear god please end my existence

Manager: You could try stack overflow too, have you ever used that site before?

Dev: 😮 🔫

Manager: Also sometimes bugs are caused by npm modules so rule that out first

Dev: *On knees praying to Zues for forgiveness and/or conveiniently placed lightning strike*

Unpopular opinion: AI is overrated.

# Who the fuck wrote this piece of shit static, unreusable yet globally used, inconsistent, non-standard mock that breaks whole fucking test suite and makes me cry everytime I correct one thing only to find out it breaks another? I swear to god motherfucker I'm gonna find you and fucking cut you. Fuck you you fucking idiot and fuck your entire family if you still have one though I doubt anyone would ever want you for a son. [going on for a few minutes in my head] #

$ git blame

# well fuck you "me from 2019-11-15 15:30:25 +0100". I fucking hate your guts and I want you to know it #

🤔 If developers were linguists...

Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?

Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.

Me for good 10 days

I fell for it for a sec, well-played devs 👏

Had a bit of time on my hands and this was the result. Shaking my head. I should never be left free and alone. Lol.

friend of mine: "I like my servers like I like my girls"
me: "insecure?"

I fucking love people like this.

Yesterday I met a 'friend' who I hadn't seen in a very long time. Just a guy I used to know tbh but let's call him Friend anyway. After a while in the conversation this happened...

*Friend doesn't know I have a degree in CS*

Friend: "WHAT?? YOU LIKE PROGRAMMING? NO WAY! ME TOO!"

Me: "THAT'S AWESOME! You've been programming for long?"

Friend: "A little over a year now. I know almost all languages now. C++, C#, Python, Java and HTML. Still a couple left to go. Once you're on the level I achieved programming becomes really, really easy. How long have you been programming?"

Me: "Almost a decade now"

Friend: "Damn dude you must know all languages by now I suppose?"

Me: "I've been mainly doing C++ so not really haha"

Friend: "I can always help when you're struggling with one language. C++ is pretty easy tbh. You should learn others too btw. HTML for example is pretty important because you can program websites with it"

Me: "Yeah... Thanks... So... What project are you working on right now?"

Friend: "I'm making a register page for my very own forum. The only problem I have is that PHP won't save the login details"

Me: "Hahaha I know the feeling. MySQL?"

Friend: "What?"

Me: "What do you use to save your data"

Friend: "Just a txt file. It's easier that way."

Me: "Hahaha true. Who needs safety right? *smiles*"

Friend: "Actually it's 100% safe because only I can see the txt file so other people can not hack other users."

Me: "Yes! That's great! Cya!"

Friend: "I'm working on a mmorpg too btw! I can learn you to make games if you want. Just call me. Here's my number"

Me: "Alright... Thanks... Bye!"

*Arrives at home*

*Deletes number*

I do not make this up.

I can understand that someone who isn't in the CS industry doesn't take it too seriously and gets hyped when their "Hello World" program works.
I'm fine with that.

The thing that really triggers me is big headed ass holes like this. Like how much more like a absolute dickhead could you possibly more act? Fucking hate people like that.