Our CTO has been told, this morning by management, that our development department is "too quiet" and that it's spoiling "the atmosphere" of the office space.

So we've ordered mechanical keyboards.

Meanwhile, in some college in India, when professors try their best to make an interesting question paper.

Read the last 2 instructions

Is anybody else super excited? S03E02 in 14 hours!!! :D

Dev: "What if the user has more than 100 entries? How would that display?"
UX: "They won't ever have that many"
Dev: "But what if they do?"
UX: "They won't."

(spoiler: they do)

It's not a myth ! 😂

But my computer won't work without EXES!

Just a common day.
I received a message on Telegram, a guy wanted a Minecraft plugin for his server.
It was a small plugin, he accepted my first offer of 15€.
After some hours, it was complete. I was pressing "Export" on my IntelliJ but a terrifying message arrived.
"Dude I forgot to say that, can you make it using C++? I heard EXEs are faster".
Fuck dumb clients especially Minecraft server owners!

Why didn't I comment my code on Friday...

Microsoft Edge: "We support modern Web technologies."

Hey welcome back depression and feeling of uselessness, i thought we broke up in the hospital but seems like some exes stay with people.

Wanted to date this girl Winnie but she kept reminding me of windows every time she texted.
I hate being reminded about exes.

Can I claim Spotify on expenses?

Am I a developer or a professional Googler?

"The role: You will be designing and building responsive emails on a daily basis using HTML5/ CSS3/JavaScript"

Errrrrrrmmmm...

You know what a fucking good place for 1000s of mp4s, pdfs, doc files, exes and svgs is? Yeah, the bloddy SVN,which mirrors to git.
And how about a ibm websphere install zip with tiny 1.3gb?
And of cause you store your fuckin perl and Shellscripts, that have been written by a plain lunatic and that are responsible for installing the crap in the repo.
What? One repo for one component? Nah, cramp like 150 different projects into on repo.
And the most important scripts have to be kept unversionized ... For reasons.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg of shit.
Btw. websphere ships its own apache2.2 and its own security lib and its own openssl compilation, with ibm java ... Filesystem hierarchy standard? Dafuq? If you want to find something it better be like where is waldo - right, IBM? And command arguements? Man pages, usable documentation, usable deployment? How did any of this ever seem like a good idea to anyone?
Go get a koloscopy with a submarine periscope, IBM.

None of my exes believed at first, one can be twice as obnoxious as Sheldon Cooper without being half as bright.

At first.

Why is installing the C/C++ compiler and build tools such a pain in the arse on windows? Just wanted to use the spacy package which uses CPython now I have to install gigabytes of shit and move some dlls and exes around just so I can install the fucking package. What the fuck is wrong with this shit.

Press X to JSON

Real developers !🙈✔️

Msvcr100.dll you sack of shit, how many different exes to repair the 2010 c++ redistributable do I have to try just so I can install some bloody software.

Windows 10 ,Microsoft pls

I never studied CS. This was probably around 2004 (I was 10), I just got my first own computer. I used to mess around with HTML and JS previously, like making obnoxious marquees and so forth, but then I met this guy on DC++ who taught me the basics of VB. Before that I'd always thought of people who could make compiled exes as magicians, and I suddenly became one of them. It was a very empowering moment. While others were playing, I coded apps such as a geometry calculator for school, a TCP chat program (not as cool as Zuckerberg's), and so on.

Ok so I got a few PC games, the graphics are stunning but I want cheats...

I see there are lots of trainer apps and mods and also Cheat Engine but the exes look sketchy, not sure what a good source would be. And Cheat Engine is detected as a virus.

I haven't played PC games in many years, this being one of the reasons (other one being hardware).

So what do you do these days? Yeah I probably shouldn't be playing games but but... The graphics look so good (Ultra setting) and still runs smoothly without overheating....

Exhausted af. Since Sunday been trying to get a decade old social grants payment delphi app that ran on win xp to work; and this is a couple of exes on different client/server machines communicating with cash dispensers, fingerprint readers, receipt printers as well as webcam. Apparently someone is searching archives for the source code which I will have to eventually customise to whatever the fuck "management" wants cause they want to "revive" the system. Ohh and by the way I'm not a delphi dev so now I'll have to learn

One of my exes was soooo squishy. I mean Michelin mascot level squishy. If you feel it just once you start to strive for that exact thing and you’ll never be the same again.

Concurrency tip Nº 1

Hate your exes that know you too well but cherish the ones that didn't stay around enough for it. Most of all, favor one night stands

PSA: Toilet paper goes in the toilet.