Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.

Don't know if it's up here, found it on r/ProgrammerHumor and thought it deserved to be shared :)

When your bugfix destroys everything

Recursion explained beautifully

Customer at a first meeting:
- "Didn't realize you're a developer, you're almost good looking!"
Never got a more bittersweet compliment.

I accidentally created a bug that became an amazing feature at my last job.

It was for a program to read barcode tickets (we created software and web solutions for events), and to register the barcode sacnners to the computer I had to do some magic with USB-detection since it was not specified which brand the scanners would be (so no SDK would be available).

When the scanner was plugged in it would create its own thread so it wouldn't interfere with the UI of the program when it was reading/sending data.

Somehow I messed up with the thread termination for new scanners so it would accept to connect more than one scanner and it would work flawless since it was its own thread in the program.

When I tried to think out a solution for multiple scanners when planning it I got a headache and thought that's something for later. Turned out alright in the end apparently.

Another gem from r/ProgrammerHumor

I never participated in the face reveal last week but this is actually me and my cape

I think I've found the fine line between feature and bug.

# I am not a VIM user.

I'm still using the trial period of WinRAR

When you've been getting lots of comments on your pull request and have to keep asking for approval.

"It must work in IE6, we still use it in our offices."
While developing a JavaScript web app for a bank with 10 000+ employees. In 2014.

Coolest project: I once worked for a customer who hosted an exhibition for a few thousand visitors in a big event arena in Stockholm.

They didn't want to use the existing ticket reading system on the arena so I had to build my own application compatible with barcode scanners (they said this about one week before the event).

It wasn't a complicated application to dev but with the tight deadline and no time to actually stress test it, it was the coolest thing to see hundreds of people streaming through the ticket station flawlessly.

Day 2 of the event I built a simple web application so I could see the flow rate of read tickets while I sat in the arena pub with a beer.

I love it when recruiters write personal messages and use my real name ❤️

Had to wake four people up at 2 am to fix a crashing service.

10/10 would deploy to production on Friday night again.

Lmao I’ve never learned how to program. I’m just winging it and have been able to fool everyone the last 10 years.

Senior engineer checking in.

What's code review?
*programming in production*

Shit happens!

At introduction of new class teacher asked which _one_ of the following isn't a programming language:
- Swift
- Pseudocode
- Haskell
- HTML

Took my chance on HTML, but apperantly pseudocode is less of a programming language according to him.

Was scrolling through LinkedIn and had forgotten i wasn't on devRant. Just thought:
- "Man, these rants really suck."

”Are you planning on having kids in the near future?”

Literally (very) illegal to ask where I live. Too bad I was too young to understand the severity of him asking.

Worst place I’ve ever worked.

After working as a developer for 4-5 years I finally took up school again.

The teacher at our first programming course insisted that we named all our variables in our locale language (swedish) and always started arrays at index 1.

Best and worst customer I've had: A bank.
Great because they had so much money for projects.
Unbearable because everything needed to work in IE6.

Biggest dev insecurity?

Probably http://
It’s not secure at all, never feeling very confident when browsing that protocol.

So, I was out cruising in my sports car the other day. Porsche, two seater, about 400 hp.

When I stopped at a red light I was next to a man driving his family of four in his Volkswagen. I revved my car to show my power, but he seemed unfazed by my superior engine. When the light became green I floored it, he didn't have a chance of catching up, I just left him behind and laughed. He's so stupid for driving that slow car.

I can't understand why anyone would ever want to drive a Volkswagen when they are just so obviously slow?

👆This is how you sound like when you compare languages only based on how fast they are.

OMFG it happened again. I'm always very explicit with recruiters that I don't take full time employment while I'm studying. This one was very understanding about it and said he found a great match for my skillset.

I just had a meeting with the CEO of this great match of a company.
- "No, we only seek people who can work full time, let's keep in touch when you've graduated".

What the fuck, way to waste everyones time.

Due to the coronavirus we are currently required to develop all our web services with SOAP and sanitise all our input for at least 20 seconds.

What the fuck, it says on both my LinkedIn profile and on my CV that I'm a student but I can take on part time projects, and I also told a recruiter the same thing over phone (after he found me on LinkedIn).

Today I had lunch with said recruiter. Guess who had no clue I was a student?

Yes. You don't use Windows until and unless you are developing for Windows environment!

Few weeks ago I was having a few beers and messing around with a Minimax AI that could be used for different games as long as you fed it possible moves and win/loose-conditions. Could be used for like Tic Tac Toe on a 5x5 field, connect four etc.

I hadn't got it to work yet as I tried to implement alpha-beta pruning to optimize it. When I was playing against it I thought "Damn you're stupid, why would you even make that move" but still finished the game.

Before I knew it I had fucking lost. It outplayed me like 6 moves before I even knew what was happening.

And that's one of the top coolest feelings I've had as a developer, got destroyed by my own program.

A Geologist and a developer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the developer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Developer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Developer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the Developer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The Developer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

Now, it's the developer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The developer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the developer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the developer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Told the recruiter about 4 times before my lunch interview that I was a working student (I could only take part time jobs).

Just as we sat down and got our food he asked me where I currently worked, and I gently reminded him that I was still, in fact, a student.

He had this weir look on his face as I had tried to trick him into a free lunch, as all the positions he had was for full time jobs.

Still ate the lunch and had awkward small talk the entire time.

It’s actually pretty neat. I constantly suffer from impostor syndrome, so I always have keep learning to keep up the facade.

Shouldn't C++ have increased to D by now?

Adding a feature to 18 000 undocumented lines of code, written in PL/SQL. Oh, did I mention it was just a single function?

Family reaction to me becoming a dev?

“Hey, can you fix my printer plz”

Took me longer than I'd like to admit before I realized why my function always returned zero.
Too quick with the constructor it seemed.

During mockup presentation where everything is perfectly vertically aligned:

Dev: "How should the surrounding content behave if the article is longer?"

Designer: "That won't happen."

This definition

When you have to beg your team for approval on your pull request.

Some back info that you need to know for this rant:
1) I am a Canadain, so I spell 'color' like: colour.
2) Americans spell 'colour' like color.

Today I was debugging a Python file that I and my team of Americans and Canadians were working on. I ran the code and got an error that one of our variables was named incorrectly. I searched the code up and down for 3+ hours looking for the issue. After taking my lunch break I came back and read the file again. Then I realized it: I had started working on one part spelling color like colour, and then an American finished the project, spelling colour like color, so there were two different variables. This really pissed me off because we could have fixed it by deciding on a language before we started the project. I fixed it quickly and now we have a new rule at the office: always use American English when naming variables.

Moral of the story: decide which language to use for variables when working on a multi-national team.

CAPTCHA meaning: "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart".
Proof the the CS community is bad at creating acronyms.

Always use SELECT-query with the same conditions before you DELETE/UPDATE in a production database.

Once worked for a guy who lectured me in front of the whole office because I didn't continued work at home after I stayed 3h unpaid overtime at the office.
I quit soon after that.

In love with Python

Favourite code editor?
Hands down, it’s actually Vim.

It’s mostly because I haven’t been able to exit it though. Actually it’s the only reason. I’m stuck. Someone please send help.

Speechless!

Worked as a web developer on a really small agency and we always said to customers that were not designers so they need to provide us with a mockup if they want it fancy.

One customer wanted us to design a campaign site for an event and we asked for a design mockup.
"Sure, I'll send it right over!"
About 2 hours later a bike messenger knocked on our door and gave us a coaster from the merchandise.

Apparently the firewall at work has blocked access our git repo since there are too many consecutive requests to it.

Having to do all programming exams with pen and paper.

I've set up my server to only accept logins with SSH-keys, and permanently banning all IP:s that attempt login with passwords.

Now I can't stop watching the banned IP:s stacking up, it's like drugs to me.

Sharing this, since I made this during paid working hours.

I'm currently reading a course in Project Management and I have yet to find an image in the course literature with a person that doesn't suffers from a headache.

First Windows and now Apple. Why does everyone keep skipping the number 9?

When the code we have never tested during development works perfectly in production

I once added a semicolon at the end of a line when coding in Python.

I’ve brought shame on my family.

Quitting my last job. I had been there for about 3 years and had a great time there.

It was only my boss and I, we were developing software and websites for events so we were quite often out meeting and partying with people, it kinda became a part of the job. We had a fridge always stacked with beer and champagne which was for us and our friends to use. The office was located in the middle of the most exclusive business and club district in the city, so I could use the office as I wanted during evenings to meet up with friends and drinking beer.

But it was expected to work a lot of overtime. I was single and young and really liked what I was doing so I didn't mind. But then I met the love of my life and started to spend more time with her. I couldn't stay and work as often and would rather be with her on weekends.

It became quite hard to live up to my boss's expectations and it always felt like I disappointed him if I didn't (or couldn't) stay for an after work, and when I did, it felt like I disappointed my new girlfriend instead.

Ultimately I felt I had to choose one of them, or I would definitely loose her. It was a no-brainer since I knew I couldn't keep working like that forever, and didn't want to risque a relationship because of work.
It took all of my courage to do it and I felt so bad because I knew my boss (and my friend) would feel like I betrayed him, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I can still miss it sometimes, but I don't regret it.

Almost? I did.

WORST interaction with management?

Wouldn’t it be more rare to find a GOOD interaction, am I right fellas?

Things like these keeps me motivated!

Folded the Gitlab logo today (with some help from a book). Doesn't actually look all that bad ;-)

"Bro, do you even git push?"

I just had my first "Group project"-experience and holy fucking shit am I about to explode right now.

I messaged you one fucking week before the project is due and ask for your input that none of you contributed to and if that was too advanced for you imbeciles to handle then HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THREE MORE FUCKING YEARS IN CS. THEN YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO RESPOND SIX FUCKING HOURS AFTER THE PROJECT IS DUE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WORK.

WELL GUESS WHAT YOU FUCKING WASTE OF MOLECULES, I ALREADY TURNED IT IN AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE IS PUTTING YOUR FUCKING NAMES ON THE PROJECT.
I DRAGGED YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE FINISH LINE AND THEN YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG"?

NEXT TIME AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO SPIT BEFORE YOU FUCK SOMEONE OVER

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"

The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

Stickers have arrived!!
Thanks @dfox & @trogus

About every project at my last job. Impossible to like any project with a boss that legitimately thinks frames and tables are a better option than learning css.

But why not, attribute styling on html-elements are the future indeed.

Reviewing code in a project, found this one:

# Todo: Fix horrible parent member check. People may have been killed for better code
-- horrible code here --

I have started my first job as a web developer since February 1st. During the one month training period which is in progress, one of the training sessions was on Git and believe me Git is the most fascinating thing came to know me since I have joined computer science field. In love with it.

I had seen million people like those and I bet I was controlled the same way!

Got an assignment in school to make an easy project in c for embedded real time processors with a free complexity level (it was really early in the course and many had never been programming before).

Since I've been working a few years in development I decided to create an own transmitter and receiver for an own protocol between processors (we had just spent a week to understand how to use existing protocols, but I made my own).

The protocol used only 1 line to communicate with half-duplex and we're self adjusting the syncing frequency during the transmission. I managed to transmit data up to 1 kbps after tweaking it a bit (the only holdback was the processors clock frequency).

Then I got the feedback from our teacher, which basically said:
"Your protocol looks like any other protocol out there. Have you considered using an UART?"

Like yeah, I see the car you built there looks like any other car out there, have you considered using a Volvo instead?

The new iPhone is gonna have an odd number of pixels in width. I can already feel the anxiety of trying to achieve pixel perfection.

A backup a day keeps the doctor away!
...or even better:
A backup a day keeps data loss away!

“The documentation of this API is left as an exercise to the reader.”

My last boss insisted on using tables instead of divs and then asked me to make it responsive (every damn time). Also, functions that were over 10k of lines.

Life is a constant battle of not knowing whether I want to quit programming forever, or if I just need 8 hours sleep.

Currently doing a lab in XQuery. The comment notation always makes me smile :)

What do you guys think about Visual Studio Code?
I personally like it, just wondering your opinions.

Going to release the biggest feature I have implemented for Product I work on. Change in more than 150 files and it is very very critical.
Wish me luck..

Lmao probably the time I worked 150 hours over two weeks (had to sleep on the job) for a project. During delivery I worked 09-22 during the weekend (unpaid) while my boss was out on his boat.

Why do government websites use so many fucking subdomains??

alias rep = goto;
eat: sleep: code: rep eat;

I became good enough to be hired as a developer by reinventing lots of wheels and making mistakes. A lot of mistakes.

> Drops production database.
> Wait for chaos to ensue.
“It’s just a prank, bro”

I wonder what StackOverflow do when they have server issues.

I don't know how many hours in a row it was, but one month I put down about 340 hours of work.

My boss had taken upon this massive project with a deadline at the end of the month. I basically lived at the office (I actually spent the night there more than once), meanwhile he was out sailing.

Do we actually know how many people there are on devRant?
Just wondering to see which percent of the community liked the top posts.

I was trying to watch an instructional YouTube Python video (on my Android phone) while it was dark in my bedroom, and then I remembered that Youtube for Android doesn't have a damn dark mode... NOOOOOOOO!!! :( :(
Why did you do this to us Google!

I was making coffee this morning when one of my managers walked up and asked me if I could make a cup for him too.
I was like sure, anything to make you happy. (Maybe you'll lessen the amount of work I have to do today 😀)
I finished making both the cups of coffee and the brought his over to his desk. He drank some and then almost spit it out. He complained about how the coffee was not dark roast it was medium roast, and he could tell the difference and I should have known that.
I was like "well if you're going to complain about how I make your coffee go make your fucking own". (I didn't say that out loud though, I probably would have been fired!)

Booting up my Windows computer at work after 1 year leave. I'm gonna do a Windows Update.

I suspect I'm not going to get anything else done today.

Google Assistant in iPhone? Seriously? In the opposite way Siri should be introduced to android phones else I would be unable to understand this business decision!

My upwork account is banned for sending too many proposals without getting too many jobs.
Got 2 jobs out of 35-40 proposals sent.

Fuck UPS and their API Documentation. Has anyone here ever integrated their API ?
Their API documentation doesn't mention any sandbox or testing accounts.
If I click on their create access key button, it takes me to a form which requires a real payment method and address which seems like it's meant for real stuff not testing.

Why is installing the C/C++ compiler and build tools such a pain in the arse on windows? Just wanted to use the spacy package which uses CPython now I have to install gigabytes of shit and move some dlls and exes around just so I can install the fucking package. What the fuck is wrong with this shit.

Cocaine

Cocaine

!rant

Ever find something that's just faster than something else, but when you try to break it down and analyze it, you can't find out why?

PyPy.
I decided I'd test it with a typical discord bot-style workload (decoding a JSON theoretically from an API, checking if it contains stuff, format and then returning it). It was... 1.73x the speed of python.

(Though, granted, this code is more network dependent than anything else.)

Mean +- std dev: [kitsu-python] 62.4 us +- 2.7 us -> [kitsu-pypy] 36.1 us +- 9.2 us: 1.73x faster (-42%)

Me: Whoa, how?!
So, I proceed to write microbenches for every step. Except the JSON decoding, (1.7x faster was at least twice as slow (in one case, one hundred times slower) when tested individually.
The combination of them was faster. Huh.

By this point, I was all "sign me up!", but... asyncpg (the only sane PostgreSQL driver for python IMO, using prepared statements by default and such) has some of it's functionality written in C, for performance reasons. Not Cython, actual C that links to CPython. That means no PyPy support.

Okay then.

I received devRant stickers a couple of months ago, but I forgot to post a picture. Would you guys believe me or I have to prove.

Just spent a lot of development hours today! Quite more than routine! Not even tired because had great sync with the partner dev! Cheers!

New piece of code which should work perfectly and solve your problem but it is not working just because you forgot to remove an old piece of code you were trying to fix the same problem! Fuck my life!

After getting fed up of “being productive” I fooled around on GitHub and had a look at the Stuxnet virus source code which was obtained using a decompiler. Experts who reverse-engineered it found out that it was written in “object-oriented C.” While C is not an object oriented language, anything you can do with classes you can do with structs, static functions, pointers & function pointers. You can see this coding style in the Linux kernel, CPython interpreter and many other places. That was the first indication that a government agency or defence industry was responsible. Amazing stuff !

Started learning Haskell a few weeks ago. Never been more frustrated and excited at the same time.

from the #BDFL himself! The most creative thing he has done is create Python!

We have a school project where we're supposed to develop a project for a company. In order to finish the project before our presentation I put in over 40h per week (on top of other classes). The only thing missing is the design, only placeholder buttons at the moment. Ask the designer 2 weeks in advance if he'll be able to provide me with the design: "Sure, I'll do it soon".

And now the presentation is in one day and the app looks like shit because we don't have any design for it.

A normal day at upwork

Trying to contribute to a translation project on Crowdin, then remembering that my 14 day trial is expired.
Why does Crowdin, a platform trying to help people get translations for their projects make you pay? Couldn't they have more of like a GitHub payment model (free for basic features, pay to get more)?

I've been stuck with bootstrap in the last projects at work but I wish to break free. Been looking a bit on material design. What other UI frameworks do you guys use?

Let's just say that all my all-nighters have been caused by Internet Explorer.

Favourite place to work on my code?

Probably PyCharm