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Search - "programming drunk"
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My grandma saw me programming for one whole day and she started to rant.
Grandma: "She's been sitting all day infront of her computer doing computer stuff! Electricity bill's getting higher!"
Mum: "Well at least she's not out late at night getting drunk and partying!"
Grandma: "Computer girl"8 -
A friend of mine is heavily into java. Like seriously... programming teachers at our school ask him for help.
Everytime he gets drunk he starts saying the weirdest things like "DUDE what's your alpha value I can hardly see you".
He greets me with "What's up socket boy" and after throwing up he thinks about the best ways to sort the data. (his vomit)
Has anyone else had such experiences? I want to hear some funny stories! :D12 -
A little while ago I was on my way home from work sitting on the train and then this guy sat down next to me.
Pulled out a laptop and suddenly opened a code editor!
I just tried to determine what programming language he was doing and after about 5 minutes I finally was about to ask him...
Then he copied his 'code' into excel.
Well, all the excitement went to a pub to get drunk at that moment I think.16 -
I type very fast and nearly without errors when tipsy. (tipsy is a step between normal and drunk here)
Also my easy-problem solving skills become awesome when on alcohol.
That's why i love programming tipsy! 😊10 -
I'm drunk and I'll probably regret this, but here's a drunken rank of things I've learned as an engineer for the past 10 years.
The best way I've advanced my career is by changing companies.
Technology stacks don't really matter because there are like 15 basic patterns of software engineering in my field that apply. I work in data so it's not going to be the same as webdev or embedded. But all fields have about 10-20 core principles and the tech stack is just trying to make those things easier, so don't fret overit.
There's a reason why people recommend job hunting. If I'm unsatisfied at a job, it's probably time to move on.
I've made some good, lifelong friends at companies I've worked with. I don't need to make that a requirement of every place I work. I've been perfectly happy working at places where I didn't form friendships with my coworkers and I've been unhappy at places where I made some great friends.
I've learned to be honest with my manager. Not too honest, but honest enough where I can be authentic at work. What's the worse that can happen? He fire me? I'll just pick up a new job in 2 weeks.
If I'm awaken at 2am from being on-call for more than once per quarter, then something is seriously wrong and I will either fix it or quit.
pour another glass
Qualities of a good manager share a lot of qualities of a good engineer.
When I first started, I was enamored with technology and programming and computer science. I'm over it.
Good code is code that can be understood by a junior engineer. Great code can be understood by a first year CS freshman. The best code is no code at all.
The most underrated skill to learn as an engineer is how to document. Fuck, someone please teach me how to write good documentation. Seriously, if there's any recommendations, I'd seriously pay for a course (like probably a lot of money, maybe 1k for a course if it guaranteed that I could write good docs.)
Related to above, writing good proposals for changes is a great skill.
Almost every holy war out there (vim vs emacs, mac vs linux, whatever) doesn't matter... except one. See below.
The older I get, the more I appreciate dynamic languages. Fuck, I said it. Fight me.
If I ever find myself thinking I'm the smartest person in the room, it's time to leave.
I don't know why full stack webdevs are paid so poorly. No really, they should be paid like half a mil a year just base salary. Fuck they have to understand both front end AND back end AND how different browsers work AND networking AND databases AND caching AND differences between web and mobile AND omg what the fuck there's another framework out there that companies want to use? Seriously, why are webdevs paid so little.
We should hire more interns, they're awesome. Those energetic little fucks with their ideas. Even better when they can question or criticize something. I love interns.
sip
Don't meet your heroes. I paid 5k to take a course by one of my heroes. He's a brilliant man, but at the end of it I realized that he's making it up as he goes along like the rest of us.
Tech stack matters. OK I just said tech stack doesn't matter, but hear me out. If you hear Python dev vs C++ dev, you think very different things, right? That's because certain tools are really good at certain jobs. If you're not sure what you want to do, just do Java. It's a shitty programming language that's good at almost everything.
The greatest programming language ever is lisp. I should learn lisp.
For beginners, the most lucrative programming language to learn is SQL. Fuck all other languages. If you know SQL and nothing else, you can make bank. Payroll specialtist? Maybe 50k. Payroll specialist who knows SQL? 90k. Average joe with organizational skills at big corp? $40k. Average joe with organization skills AND sql? Call yourself a PM and earn $150k.
Tests are important but TDD is a damn cult.
Cushy government jobs are not what they are cracked up to be, at least for early to mid-career engineers. Sure, $120k + bennies + pension sound great, but you'll be selling your soul to work on esoteric proprietary technology. Much respect to government workers but seriously there's a reason why the median age for engineers at those places is 50+. Advice does not apply to government contractors.
Third party recruiters are leeches. However, if you find a good one, seriously develop a good relationship with them. They can help bootstrap your career. How do you know if you have a good one? If they've been a third party recruiter for more than 3 years, they're probably bad. The good ones typically become recruiters are large companies.
Options are worthless or can make you a millionaire. They're probably worthless unless the headcount of engineering is more than 100. Then maybe they are worth something within this decade.
Work from home is the tits. But lack of whiteboarding sucks.37 -
When you've spent 16 hours out of 24 programming and realise that you've not eaten, drunk, or even pooped. Well, that just happened5
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Drunk programming is the best obfuscation. Tomorrow morning I'll have no idea how any of this works.3
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Last night I realized I may be spending too much time programming. Got together with some non-programmer friends, and once I got drunk, all my conversations were formatted in my head as api requests in Json 😅😅2
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This one was probably last week of my highschool education so everyone including myself were drunk as fuck like 90% of the time.
Came home drunk one evening and woke up in the morning with a working keylogger waiting to be deployed on school computers. Apparently I've even implemented FTP upload, some basic firewall bypasses and autostart feature. Everything was actually quite good, excluding my stupidness to upload captured data on server through FTP, but there was anyways no-one smart enough in that school to decompile a Windows executable binary.
What's more interesting is until that moment I've never written anything remotely so complicated - I was doing examples from the book and didn't think I have enough knowledge to make program that has any real life application.
After that day it started coming to me that one day I could actually earn for life with programming.2 -
I was drunk at a party and so was this guy, that I knew from scouting and who knew that I was capable of programming, even tho he very clearly disagreed with my choice in language.
We started talking about this new system that we (all scouts in Denmark) have to use and he told me how his work was affected by the fact that this systems API is the purest of shit.
He told me that he would really like someone to help him with his work, cause right now he was alone. They were looking for someone new, but for some reason the boss wanted a new guy to have 5 years of experience in Java... Which they don't use.
So he got my information and would put in a good word for me -
Dear school,
even when I'm drunk like now, i still feel a pain in the ass, you know, like if i tried to do a fcking reverse tombstone with a beer bottle in my asshole.
This is the end of my sixth year. Yup, 3 years network/system admin, and now 3 years programming.
Now what, you were useless, didn't teach me anything, i feel like the chimp's sperm filled leprous mare that write planning for the year just want us to learn french and laws.(oh, the chimp as IST prolly.)
You ruinned me, I'm fcking poor now, but i have a degree (yolo)..
Well, you gave me some friends.. thanks for that you dumbass.
Dear teacher, i want to know, why are you so incompetent ? I mean, did you find your degree in Mother of shit' school as me ?
And also, pleaseee : next time i get an exam on a specific software that runs only on windows, i'll probably kill the fcking entire classroom, and this include you, and your merkel's ass licker familly.
That's it, random post, some hate, sorry fellow ranters, have a good day!5 -
The worst architecture I've seen is WordPress.
How can you be so drunk to design such a filthy mess?
In some way PHP might be to blame. Its API is a fucking mess as well and may have stirred WP developers in this puke around so they couldn't come up with a better CMS architecture.
Don't get me wrong. I do love PHP. But only in it's OO form with namespaces and type hints and composer dependencies.
I've seen enough of PHP functional programming and it still haunts me.8 -
!rant
I came back from a wedding party this morning, went to bad very drunk, my mind was rotating with my eyes closed, but surprisingly I was able to think about JavaScript code I am about to write for a project.6 -
My very first wow, was back in 2011 as a freshman at university, algorithm classes. Our first language was Pascal, (because it was easy to learn and get to the idea of programming.) so, lecturer wrote Hello World! and that moment was the best part, when I realized that was called a program. After all these years I still remember this output. ❤️ awesome.
After this, its injected in my veins and soul. Even when I come home drunk or coming from the friends, I open my macbook and trying to write some cool , nerdy staff.
Its my life, my passion, my hobby. I dropped everything for this. ^^
Long story short, every time I feel amazing when I do something new and interesting. -
Alcoholic Programmer
Last year, I had an inevitable programming session while I was drunk. I didn't struggle at all. I programmed like composing a poem. Btw I have been programming for last 18 years and never enjoyed this much after college programming labs.
Since then I've been drinking before complicated logics and never disappointed.
Tl;dr. Programming is fun, but programming is unparalleled when drunk.4 -
😭😭😭😭
I am just starting to realize that I have lost my second favorite programming book on the new years eve night because I was too fucked up to watch a backpack 😢😢😢 stupid drunk me
(at least I can still download the pdf)1 -
Regardless of all my complaining, and the current drunk urge to cyber bully right now, I am thankful for my job and for all the support and knowledge from the developer community that has made me a better human - that includes devrant. I am thankful that I have found something I’m sorta good at and I am able to support a very good lifestyle because of it. I am thankful for the good times I have because of programming, and I am thankful for the struggle that has helped develop me as a problem solver and professional. I am thankful for all my friends I have met in this field. I am thankful to God for this place I am in.3
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Every single stakeholder in my company tells me that I should be working on something different, every time I talk to them. For example - we've got some issues, that I've ranted on previously. I go to my manager, and tell him that it's going to take longer than I'd hoped, because the author of this part of the codebase wasn't familiar with functional programming or OOP, didn't document anything, and just generally produced an unmaintainable, borderline indescribable mess. The next guy after him made it all so much worse, because they're both a couple of tryhard douchebags, and I hope they fucking die. For real. I hope fire ants are involved.
Anyway, getting carried away there, whew. So I tell my manager that we'd be further ahead just replacing the code, because it's only doing a couple of things, and should not be so complex. He says "cool, but what you really need to be doing is rebuilding this other thing." So I switch gears and work on that other thing until I hit a point that requires the input of another stakeholder. I go to talk to this guy, and all hell breaks loose "why are you working on that, this is higher priority", and I explain the sequence of events. Manager denies having said what he said, I look like an asshole, yet again. Then the old "this should be simple, just change this" from the dudes who don't know code, and don't want to know. I try to explain, offer to show them precisely why their "simple ask" is anything but, but they just start screaming about how they hate technology. Yeah, well me fucking too. I keep hearing about how much "job security" I have, but man I'm going to lose my mind at this rate. I have seventeen motherfucking things that are "emergencies", and as many fucking dumb ass unintuitive workflows to go through to get them changed. All on production, because this place is fucking stupid. Just let me discard this shitty legacy code and be done with it already. FUCK.
Thank fucking fuck it's friday. In about six, seven hours, my goal is to be so fucking wasted that I can't feel my face. Get drunk, play with the dog, install a new distro on the desktop, maybe play a little guitar (the guitar is normal sized. It's not a ukulele or anything). Perfect friday night.9 -
I wrote this code last month...
def func(is_admin, user):
is_admin = is_admin or False
user = user # so pro much wow
return is_admin ^ user4 -
In a shed in a small Valley in Switzerland. Everyone was stoned. I was drunk.
That’s where I started programming.
Good old elementary school days 😐 -
Do you know one major thing (among others of course) that has made devrant feel like home for me after swearing off social media for a long time?
Common ground with users dealing with absolute, insane incompetency at work (I have it real bad at my job).
This doesn't so much make me angry or frustrate me as it makes me sad.
Everyone has varying levels of intelligence in infinite disciplines. Someone could make you cry because they play violin so beautifully but they can't tell you 4 + 4 because they are completely dense, but boy are they genius with that instrument.
Everyone is GREAT at something, that's capitalism's strength! Everyone can excel! I'm lucky enough to truly in my heart believe that programming, data and game development is my true calling...and I personally think I'm amazing at it.
It breaks my heart when people fall into or pursue something that clearly they just don't have enough passion for or regardless just don't have the skill for.
They become toxic to themselves, their employees/coworkers, their industry.
Sadly, power is given to people who simply aren't capable and power is bad on so many levels (aka fucking psychopaths gaining too much power) but it's also bad when people who don't know what they're doing or care get power.
People, I implore you...the secret to happiness and fulfillment in life is finding what makes you happy and what you're passionate about and good at and gripping it until you die.
Most people don't find it....but DON'T stop looking! It took me until my 30's to figure it out. My best friend in her 20's took her life because she couldn't find purpose...don't just be an asshat, incompetent manager in an industry you don't know a fuck about. Love what you do and help others excel.
This is how I get when I'm drunk, sorry. You guys will learn, lol.2 -
Programming while drunk:
if (not drunk !== yes) { then return dance.png } else {return 'idk"}
I shouldn't rant while crunk let alone program 😂🙄5 -
I love programming drunk! I can't sit still and always want to do stuff. When I'm drunk / tipsy I come up with ideas and start working on it. Most of the time in the morning, when my mind is clear, I'm not so creative and open minded as I'm drunk. Sometimes my ideas ain't that bad, but I loose interest in developing it any further. So I stop working on it.
This is a while == true loop -
Being drunk I keep thinking I can't get back the years I didn't spend programming when I was 16-20. What do now? Want to do Web but all I know is a micro part of everything. I can make a demo in old Unity. I have shitty basic skills in Java, Python, Pascal, JS + React. Also basic UX, Adobe design programs like AI, PS and ID. Nothing proper, and home projects just don't seem to cut it. Irl bards can't get no work4
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CLEARLY! ...
I'm drunk.
//motherfucking populate the mailings table yo
Route::get('fuckman', function () {
$statuses = array('queued', 'sent', 'failure');
$statusKey = rand(0,2);
$mailings=App\Models\Mailing::all();
foreach($mailings as $mailing){
$mailing->status=$statuses[$statusKey];
$mailing->save();
}
return 'fuckyou';
}); -
So there was this project in second year of uni, I was in a team with 2 friends, we had to do a small project to learn programming. I was the most experimented one but still very bad.
One night, I took a few beers and started coding.
I wrote almost all the thing that night, the main functionalities plus the input/output.
But as I was drunk I made some weird decisions:
-naming all the classes in french and all the variables in English
-no tests (who does tests?)
-comments in Spanish
The next morning, when I send the code to my friends (we didn't know about git yet), they started hallucinating. We spent a lot of time refactoring and cleaning.
In the end, as most of the logic was there, we ended up the project a few days before due date and celebrated with more beers 🍺2 -
I always faced up to any challenge that I had met. Maybe I was just too selective and always choose the easy stuff, but that's a long discussion.
Anyway, this kinda spoiled me over time to think that I'm all-knowing and all-powerful in everything programming-related. Of course I never compared myself to legends that created IT as we know it today, because then I'd feel useless. I always compared myself to peers, and I rocked. I was never the best, but I was good enough to make the decision of finding the best among my peers difficult.
Until I didn't.
I stumbled upon this blog:
http://www.polygenelubricants.com
See when the dude last posted? Well pretty much since then, I sometimes get a bit drunk, gather the courage, to fail again, at figuring out how he calculates factorials using regex, or other stuff like that. I don't even know what a Collatz sequence is, and the dude did it in Regex.
I stopped for a while. And then, at work, I met a guy, who pretty much had a ready answer for any problem, any issue, any question, any technical consideration. I felt a nobody next to him. He left now, to work for a brand with few employees, that however is well known around the world.
I wish there were more people like these.1 -
When im drunk, æike right noe, i suck at programming, even with auto suggestions.
Am i the only one having this issue?>2 -
trs()
I was driving drunk whilst programming.
Moral of the story in Hindi: जबकि प्रोग्रामिंग नशे में ड्राइव नहीं है।1