Coding is life ♥

Eat, sleep, code, repeat.

!dev
!!misery

I'm drunk, so it's time for some faux-emotional, blunt oversharing. and lots of profanity. It won't be pretty.

------

I'm miserable. I can't sleep at night. When I finally manage to, I sleep like crap. In the morning, early, I get woken up by my children screaming or pulling my hair or jumping on either the bed or me, or talking ad furore, or any number of other miserably unpleasant things that completely prevent sleep. So I'm tired every single day, which totally surprisingly makes focusing on work fucking difficult. Doubly so because the work is fucking uninteresting and the code is awful to read and difficult to understand because it's complicated and often poorly written. And extending it takes enormous mental effort I simply do not have to give. Oh! Guess what my job is?

To make matters worse, time to myself basically does not exist, ever. I wake up, I attend standup, I cook and eat breakfast, I work while fighting against endless distractions and interruptions, I cook and eat dinner, I work some more, and finally: I can go to bed and try to sleep. The next morning, I wake up and repeat this misery, ad nauseam.

Et ad nauseam? Nauseam est nunc.
It's not proper latin, but fuck you. it's good enough. and nobody speaks it anyway.

Ego sum miseriae. Is that good enough for you?

I can't find it in myself to care about anything. I've been doing whatever I can to feel a little more normal, but mostly I just feel numb. If I drink, it helps a little because I notice my misery a little less. That's a great solution right there: drink until I don't care anymore, and keep doing the same shit without even trying to make things better. Why? Because I fucking can't. I hate this house, I hate the lack of quiet, I hate this city, I hate the dust and the clutter, I hate this state, I hate this codebase, I don't like my coworkers, I hate that I can't get a fucking thing done without spending 6x longer than it should, I hate that I can't fucking think of a single thing I want to do, I hate that I can't ever enjoy anything, I hate that I'm beginning to hate myself, and I fucking hate everything else, too.

In short:
I'm not happy. I'm fucking miserable.

And no, I'm not posting this here for you to psychoanalyze me or suggest solutions. It's for me to vent. Fuck your opinions and fuck your advice and fuck you.

Just blowing off steam with y'all. It will sound confused, but it's just all of my depressive thoughts mashed up in a rant.

So, here I am.

Surrounded by incompetent professors who are unable to point me in the right direction, that rarely even know what they are 'teaching'. In a moment of total loss, that has been lasting for months. Totally lost my motivation and my will to pursue a career in IT. All I do is game, eat, sleep, repeat. I am exhausted mentally. When I get back from school, I can't think of anything else but to relax and do nothing. I am frustrated. I care about becoming a programmer, but I can't find my inner strenght. School draws all of my strenght and willpower away from me, and therefore I get distracted very easily. I just do not know what to do anymore. I want to keep going, but I am stuck, unable to do so. "Perhaps this is just not for me" is what keeps resounding inside my head, but I do not truly believe it. I just wish that all of this stress would just disappear, and allow me to do what I care about. I need help to find the needed focus to continue.

Colleague: Cookies taste best with Coffee.
Me: Tried them with sessions?

Not exactly a dev related rant.

Do you ever get the feeling when you're not working, like today, that you're kinda wasting time (can't find a better way to describe)? I usually work on Sunday at home, running behind insane deadlines, trying to anticipate tasks. Today was different, I woke up to a fresh VS 2017 install, updated my .net core api to 2.0, learnt how to deploy to Azure, made a CI/CD pipeline and then spend some fun time with my 5 month baby. Argued with him when Azure didn't let me make a new subscription. Sat on the sidewalk with him doing absolutely nothing for a solid half hour, only looking the way he admired everything around him and stuff. Took the trash out, did the dishes, helped with the laundry. But yet I feel like tomorrow gonna be a rough day, where everything will blow up 'cause I didn't did anything work related.

I'm starting to think I lost the taste of enjoying myself, enjoying the people around me, my family, parents, friends. I've been spending too much time on autopilot. Wake up, smoke, work, eat, work, smoke, sleep. Repeat.

I do enjoy my job, a little less when it's not dev related, but I do anyway. We are a small company with big contracts and tight deadlines. Always struggling to give our best and advance further, but I can see I'm loosing something while giving 120% of attention to my job.

Anyway, just wanted to get this thing out of my chest. Thank you if you read this far.

The inevitable cycle of a developer.

Well, I was Always into Computers and Games and stuff and at some point, I started wondering: "why does Computer Go brrr when I Hit this Button?".

It was WinAPI C++ and I was amazed by the tons of work the programmers must have put into all this.

13 year old me was Like: "I can make a Game, cant be too hard."

It was hard.
Turns out I grabbed a Unity Version and tried Things, followed a tutorial and Made a funny jet Fighter Game (which I sadly lost).

Then an article got me into checking out Linux based systems and pentesting.
*Promptly Burns persistent Kali Live to USB Stick"
"Wow zhis koohl".
Had Lots of fun with Metasploit.

Years pass and I wrap my head around Javascript, Node, HTML and CSS, I tried making a Website, worked Out to some extent.

More years pass, we annoy our teacher so long until he opens up an arduino course at school.
He does.

We built weather stations with an ESP32 and C++ via Arduino Software, literally build 3 quadrocopter drones with remote Control and RGB lighting.
Then, Cherry on the top of everything, we win the drone flying Contest everyone gets some nice stuff.

A couple weeks later my class teacher requests me and two of my friends to come along on one of their annual teacher meetings where there are a bunch of teachers from other schools and where they discuss new technology and stuff.

We are allowed to present 3D printing, some of our past programming and some of the tech we've built.

Teachers were amazed, I had huge amounts of fun answering their questions and explaining stuff to them.

Finally done with Realschulabschluss (Middle-grade-graduation) and High school Starts.
It's great, we finally have actual CS lessons, we lesen Java now.
It's fuckton of fun and I ace all of it.
Probably the best grades I ever had in any class.

Then, in my free time, I started writing some simple programs, firstvI extended our crappy Greenfoot Marsrover Project and gave it procedural Landscape Generation (sort of), added a Power system, reactors, Iron and uranium or, refineries, all kinds of cool stuff.

After teaching myself more Java, I start making some actual projects such as "Ranchu's bag of useful and not so useful stuff", namely my OnyxLib library on my GitHub.

More time passes, more Projects are finished, I get addicted to coding, literally.
My days were literally Eat, Code, sleep, repeat.

After breaking that unhealthy cycle I fixed it with Long Breaks and Others activities in between.

In conclusion I Always wanted to know what goes on beneath the beautiful front end of the computer, found out, and it was the most amazing thing ever.
I always had constant fun while coding (except for when you don't have fun) and really enjoyed it at most times.
I Just really love it.

About a year back now I noticed that I was really quite good at what I was doing and I wanted to continue learning and using my programming.
That's when I knew that shit was made for me.

...fuck that's a long read.

#Tip_to_happy_life ;)
do {
Eat();
Sleep();
JustCode();
Repeat();
} while(1);

Wake Up. Cook. Eat. Work. Clean. Meetings. Work. Eat. Work. Netflix & Chill. Sleep. Repeat. 😎😝

How does your Work from Home look like?🧐

My Bermuda triangle 😁😂

#My life
Eat 🍕... sleep 😴.... regret 😥 .... repeat🔄

My life's become:
Eat, sleep, <code>, devRant, repeat.

normal people:
EAT SLEEP RAVE REPEAT
me:
EAT SLEEP CODE REPEAT

Eat
Sleep
Code
Repeat

When you feel like you are getting so much stuff done, that you don't want to stop!!!

Need to get some sleep though!

Was bored af with assignment at hand. So just went ahead and wrote a class to implement Eat. Sleep. Code. Repeat. XD

My daily routine :`)

wake up between 5:00 am to 11:00 am -> eat unhealthy breakfast and sometimes miss breakfast -> watch useless youtube videos -> beat my meat -> do some coding -> watch more useless videos -> eat lunch -> do some more coding -> watch more useless videos -> eat dinner -> and then sleep

REPEAT

NEED HELP!!!

Since this daily schedule stuff is catching on, here's my day!

- Wake up
- Work
- Eat breakfast
-Work
- Eat lunch
- Brush Teeth/floss
- Shower
- Work
- School (part time graduate school)
- Sleep
- Repeat
- Hate life for 2 more years

Eat
Sleep
Code
Debug
(Keep debugging
Debugged? No? Goddammit
Yay debugged! )
Coffee
Repeat

eat, sleep, code, devrant repeat

Winter is coming :/
8 hours days, you get up and it’s dark, sun is shining when you’re working and when you finish work it’s dark again.
Moreover I have lots of work so I usually only work, eat, sleep, repeat.
I downloaded 10 movies to watch during my working hours, so I don’t get paranoid to much and see some fake people on tv. Well fml, looks like I was born to work till death, might be first karoshi in my country. Found in bed with laptop, opened intellij and terminal, finger on enter button and in the terminal ./deploy.sh pending for new release. Hope everything will clear before new year and I can manage to clear my todo list. It’s last time I’m saying it’s last time I take so much work instead of sorting out my personal life. Well we’ll see…

while(alive){
eat();
sleep();
code();
repeat();
}

Eat
Code
If(noErrors) //I think this part can be deleted
Sleep
Else
Fix errors
Repeat

When someone asks about my daily routine...

Eat code sleep repeat.
That's what my manager aspects me to do.
WTF

Went to girlfriends family. Tablet not functional (screen doesn't work anymore), laptop stayed at home.
So smartphone is my only connection to Internet.
I would like to code something so much...
I think I've now read every rant here...

Okay, so not eating has become a major problem now. This morning when i got out of bed and stood up, i fell backwards in to my bed again. I couldn't see anything, all black. A few minutes went past and i got back on my feet, got dressed and headed to school.

The thing is, a day can go past and i won't feel hungry at all. But i have to eat, but i don't.

Am i the only one with this problem?

Another thing that is happening is that when i get home from school i sit down in front of my computer and start to write some code, hours fly by and there goes that day, no homework done either.

No food, no homework. Only coding. I think i have a serious problem 😂.

On a side note, a few days ago i tasted coffee for the first time, and now i can't resist buying a cappuccino/latte when i walk past espresso house in the morning.

Here's a interesting question, why the fuck did you waste your time reading this? 😂

While (alive);
Eat();
Code();
Sleep();
Repeat();