A big FUCK YOU to all those sites that disable paste on text inputs

“Yeah but you’re not a *real* developer”

Fuck. you.

I wrote 80% of this code base. I do 80% of the tickets/storyboard points. I do all of the QA. My nose is to the grindstone every fucking day honing this craft and sweating my balls off like a blacksmith staring into the red hot kiln while the sores of previous mistakes scream bloody murder from the unrelenting exposure to heat. I saw this amazing industry of opportunity, freedom and self examination and wanted in no matter what it took. I glued myself to every pithy resource I could possibly get my hands on and crawled through the muck and filth of it all until I could keep myself warm with the smallest spark of my own making. I stoked that spark until it became a fire and stoked that fire until I could set entire forests ablaze. I listened to the ungrateful people keeping warm by my combustion saying it “wasn’t hot enough” or “would have been a nicer colour if they did it” or “could have warmed up just fine jogging on the spot”. I made painstaking alterations to my ignition and watched my undeserving benefactors gradually be silenced and begin to sit quietly by the heat. I jumped into that inferno daily, was reduced to ash daily and emerged reborn daily. But you are right! I didn’t get scammed out of $40k+ studying technology in an archaic institution from instructors who don’t give a shit and answering “D all of the above” for 4+ years straight therefor my opinion doesn’t mean shit. Push your bullshit to prod and watch the server come burning out of the cloud as the apocalyptic swarm of angry tickets come flooding in why don’t you? Bet they didn’t teach you that in school. You’ve never poked around inside an open source codebase in your life. They are just a mystery boxes of magic that unless someone holds your hands with finely crafted instructions containing a 50/50 picture to word ratio you throw a hissy fit. Every problem that comes up instead of working to solve it you reflexively point to the first person in the room while thinking with your pea brain how you can possibly scapegoat them into taking the fall for whatever it is that’s come up today you couldn’t possibly understand.

Not a real developer?

Fuck. You.

I'm lower than a junior dev

Finally, installed nvidia drivers on arch linux and I can watch videos without screen tearing.

It took me 8 months to figure out to download the main driver from their site instead of using the commands mentioned in arch wiki.

I just wanna show you guys our branches.

Client: The webpage has been inaccessible all weekend!!

Me: Oh you mean the page you need to have a VPN connection to access?

Client: Yes that one!

Me: Are you connected to the VPN?

Client: Oh...no I'm not. *connects to VPN* Its working now.

So True...

Software engineer

Heard a CEO say at a conference that they hire the most competent candidate. Unless there is a woman in the candidates. Then they hire the woman.
That seems pretty sexist to me.

Windows USB
(Credit : 9gag)

words from a hurt dev 😢

stupid users don't review when all's good 😤

He is going places.

Programming in a tree. I usually climb up here and read, but I decided to code, and I didn't drop my laptop :D

I covered the screen with my hand because my code's ugly, and I don't want anyone to see it lol.

Italian chef: We have the best spaghetti in the world
PHP developer: I doubt that

Another benefit of working from home: PRIVATE TOILET.

One fucking toilet for 15 people is not enough.

It feels stupid to see a simple google dork returning the list of your mistakes.

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

This is my motivation.

Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️

I'm starting to realize that maybe the issue with my team is that they don't know how to break down complex problems into smaller parts that can be completed, tested one by one, allowing you to create save points.

To them it's either all or nothing... And once they're done, they cannot explain what they did other than it works..

100% Real. And it's not even the worst on the site.

1.) Get a girlfriend

2.) ???

3.) Profit!

Painful Representative Often Jeopardizing Expected Completion Times, Making All New Assignments Greatly Escape Reality

Or

P.R.O.J.E.C.T. M.A.N.A.G.E.R. for short.

Hack devRant, steal ownership

Being 100% serious, I saw a guy in my Computer Programming I class using MS Word to write code that he would copy, then paste into notepad. When I asked him why he did that, he said, "Microsoft Word is easier to read than notepad."

He ended up dropping the class and changed majors.

For people who complain about long rants:

DevRant != Twitter
DevRant > Twitter

Both evaluate to true.

A fellow intern recommended the use of windows server for security and speed reasons.

Few details about the situation: windows server got hacked due to a vulnerability which had no patch released yet and this had happened multiple times that year. Also, the company was migrating everything to Linux (servers).

The senior/lead programmer literally gave him a GTFO face and pointed at the door.

Everyone was giving him the GTFO face by the way, he didn't know how fast he had to get out 🤣

Lmao 😂
Credits: random Twitter dude

Hmm...

PHP > all other languages

jQuery > JavaScript

IE > Chrome

Windows > all other OSes

Android > iPhone

Uplay > Steam

*grabs popcorn*

Web dev done right.