!rant. Sometimes, trolling your fam is a lot of fun.
Just today my sister asked me how to type the character ÷ on her keyboard. I told her to press : and the - key and then just move it like so.

: -
: -
: -
:-
÷

See? Ez pz. She actually tried it and just said 'i cant, it erases everything'. And then all of my other siblings kept ranting the same thing. I forgot we were in group chat. And now its full of : and - spams. And im just here laughing my ass out.

+1 if you like my new laptop skin...

I met one of my friend from my childhood he asked me what I do for a living.

I told him : "I am a full stack developer"

He : What does that mean? What you have to do in office?

Me: I write code for websites in very simple words.

He: Like facebook?

Me: yes, exactly.

He: So you work for windows?

Me: What makes you think that?

He: Aren't websites comes with the computer?

Me: I am so unfortunate to meet you.

New senior dev joined the project today.
Senior dev: "There's no way for me to test my changes before I merge this into develop"
Me: "Can you at least run our test suite?"
An hour later the develop branch is fucked and everyone who has merged it locally has pages of red errors splattered across their screens whenever they run any tests.
Start looking into what the fuck is going on.
Notice that all the errors are related to changes the new guy made.
Ask him if he ran the tests..
Senior dev: "Nah they wouldn't catch anything locally "
Stare at the stream of red text running down my screen.
Normally I wouldn't care but we were trying to prepare a release... RUN THE FUCKING TESTS ASSHOLE.

C'mon guys, it's really not that hard

Source: Reddit

1) Stop going to univershity
2) Started python coding at home from online courses.
3) Got the best paid job among batchmates.

When you're editing the css of a legacy website

My boss asked me if he could smoke one before starting the interview. So I went down with him and lighted one up as well. Then we started to talk as if we were friends since years after I told him I like to drink alcohol from time to time (he asked :D) . Afterwards he just asked me if I know Java and stuff and I was like "sure ez pz". We still have drinking competitions on every company event. Best boss ever

Best part of being a dev?

The perceived ability to fix ANY electronic device owned by friends and family.

"So you work with computers? Any idea what's wrong with my toaster?"

It's disheartening to see a senior member of my team shitting on the code of less mature developers. Don't just say "this is unacceptable", elaborate, teach them. How are they going to action anything from that feedback?

Take the time to respond to their questions when they ask for clarification on what you're saying. Don't berate them.

Honestly some developers need to learn a thing or two about code etiquette.

There's no room for good cop / bad cop behaviour.

Behind every successful developer there is a deactivated Facebook profile.

Woah Google... what's with all the hostility?!

sudo apt-get father

If every issue is a critical, none of them are

I help blind children in weekends.

**blind is a verb here

Surprise surprise, that unrealistic deadline you set even when the engineering team told you that it wasn't going to work has backfired! Maybe you wouldn't be so stressed if you learnt to listen? It's a pretty basic skill, or at least I thought so.
Oh and when you say "we have two options, stay late or work weekends" you have a critical bug in your conditional. Your missing option 3, go the fuck home. Time to enjoy my weekend with friends and family.

Re-deploying to the Apple App Store after making a "minor" change to your app

Ask questions during interview.
Ask about trainings - it's usually a good sign when company offers training budget. Ask about specifics - sometimes it's a shared pluralsight account, and nothing else, which means that that had an idea and half assed it into existence.
Ask tech recruiter about overtime, a good sign is when they have no idea or say that it must be budgeted and scheduled - it means that it does not happen often.
Ask if it is possible to select and change projects, and how often it happens - if often, it may be bad low level management, or people learning new things and jumping between projects.
Also make sure to ask about rules for promotions and pay rises. Good company wił have a clear set of rules in place.
All of the above apply to mid to large companies.
For small company, i'm sure it will be different.

Was asked to make an e-sign system that manipulates PDFs to insert an image and the date at different coordinates on x number of different pages.

200 hours later, it was done. Now I'm the PDF guy

The only reason I use Linux is because I can't get a mac.

I left uni in 2005 clutching my shiny new .NET based degree, and was instantly hired by a local software firm... to maintain their legacy Turbo Pascal systems.

"The client has an important meeting next week! You have two days!"
If it's that important why are we just hearing about it...

He should upgrade!

Weekend starts now!!
Beer, pet projects and weed all a developer needs.

I never touch my code if anyone else have made changes in them without asking me.

I cry like a bitch when I get home.

work haunts me to eat

Don't drink a lot before develop

There’s a special place in hell for fuckwits who create tickets and don’t include the fucking error message.

There was an error in one of my Java file. Impossible to find it. I commented all the code and the error remain. I commented the import of that class and no more error. How the f**** is possible that a empty class give an error ?
I opened the file in another text editor and found out that the last character was a symbol that wasn't recognize or display in other text editor.
I was really proud (and confused)

How I met python
[long read but worth]

There's nothing wrong with falling in love with a programming language for her looks. I mean, let's face it - Python does have a rockin' body of modules, and a damn good set of utilities and interpreters on various platforms. Her whitespace-sensitive syntax is easy on the eyes, and it's a beautiful sight to wake up to in the morning after a long night of debugging. The way she sways those releases on a consistent cycle - she knows how to treat you right, you know?

But let's face it - a lot of other languages see the attention she's getting, and they get jealous. Really jealous. They try and make her feel bad by pointing out the GIL, and they try and convince her that she's not "good enough" for parallel programming or enterprise-level applications. They say that her lack of static typing gives her programmers headaches, and that as an interpreted language, she's not fast enough for performance-critical applications.

She hears what those other, older languages like Java and C++ say, and she thinks she's not stable or mature enough. She hears what those shallow, beauty-obsessed languages like Ruby say, and she thinks she's not pretty enough. But she's trying really hard, you know? She hits the gym every day, trying to come up with new and better ways of JIT'ing and optimizing. She's experimenting with new platforms and compilation techniques all the time. She wants you to love her more, because she cares.

But then you hear about how bad she feels, and how hard she's trying, and you just look into her eyes, sighing. You take Python out for a walk - holding her hand - and tell her that she's the most beautiful language in the world, but that's not the only reason you love her.

You tell her she was raised right - Guido gave her core functionality and a deep philosophy she's never forgotten. You tell her you appreciate her consistent releases and her detailed and descriptive documentation. You tell her that she has a great set of friends who are supportive and understanding - friends like Google, Quora, and Facebook. And finally, with tears in your eyes, you tell her that with her broad community support, ease of development, and well-supported frameworks, you know she's a language you want to be with for a long, long time.

After saying all this, you look around and notice that the two of you are alone. Letting go of Python's hand, you start to get down on one knee. Her eyes get wide as you try and say the words - but she just puts her finger on your lips and whispers, "Yes".

The moon is bright. You know things are going to be okay now.

That pure rage when you're off work for a few days, and return to find that someone has been in one of your magnificently neat code files, and taken a syntactic shit! Loads of unnecessary whitespace, tabs all over the place, and copy/pasted comments that have nothing to do with the code! 😫

I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

Before new years eve I prepared a sheet on google sheets that allowed people to add drink recipes and order drinks (specify how many of each drink they want), calculated part of budget each person had to cover and generated shopping list of drink components with exact amounts needed.
It was more fun to make that thing than to attend the party.

Just investigating a bug reported by QA. Spoke to the dev responsible for the code, and asked why they'd called a particular function. Their reply:

"Well the function name sounded right. I didn't check what it actually did"

Woke myself up shouting hdcp at 4:40 am today!!!

I was explaining what hdcp was to my sister in the dream, why the HDMI cable wouldn't work..

Had a chuckle and continued to sleep, realizing what a nerd I am 😆

Who dreams about hdcp and hdmi cables?

Dream big

Now my facebook messenger app does it's updates inside the app without my consent to install an apk.
I'm scared

Me ( a python dev) pointing to a good java joke in dev rant to my brother who happens to be working at TCS for the past 5 years as a Java Developer...

Me: Java is shit...
He: huh java is the best! every language in the world is written over java. My manager said this.
Me: I think I will kill him today in his sleep.

Companies! For the love of your peoples sanity give the developers of all ages worthwhile machines. If you send us to clients to develop iOS apps, send macs also 😤

When the PO asks for a last second code change right before the sprint review, and now it's your turn to demo

"by the way, the PROD and QA services use the same database tables"

First day at work, my PC starts updating, reboots and suddenly, the boot partition is corrupt.
Nice way to start in Dev.

<br>
exit

Oh, you work in software? I had this cool idea...

Just found this awesome function in the old commits.

def clean_cache():
'''
This function cleans the stored cache in every update. Make sure to call it before every feature addition.
'''
print 'Cache is cleared. '
return

My password manager!!
I use passwords I can never remember, stay logged in, next time I need to log_in I use the passqord forgotten button, reset it with my e-mail or better phone

Coding and debugging in js

Right now? DeathNote..

`git push origin master --force`

Started a new job last week. Pays a tad below average for position, but i get training time and budget for anything i want.
So far i have had few days of company introduction, and now a week for training courses related to position.
I have not seen any code yet, brought no value in, just joined.
Massive green flag to me.

I would like to see a full stack developer version of it.

Found this on 9gag it's fucking hilarious...

Me: Ok google
Google assistant: your mic is turned off

This is just a temporary workaround. I will come back to this and fix this later. NEVER HAPPENS :)

Export my over-attached girlfriend in a UDP packet.

//TODO: Make this code great again so Donald would be proud

Company i work for just posted updated pay rates.
It's good. They went from lower end of spectrum to a little above the average in terms of pay, and benefits stay the same - solid.

can't believe it but things actually have started to fall into place on their own, career-wise. feels unreal. need to work enough to afford a cottage with a cobblestone path & my life will be complete

what is the point of having massive HR departments if something as expected and frequent as university hiring can't go smoothly?

i managed to reach the interview round for a big 4 firm only for the interviewer to not show up for 4 hours from my time slot (i waited the entire time - took periodic screenshots for proof), HR to say "we'll reschedule your interview, this happened because of internal miscommunication" more than THREE months ago, and dip. until december they'd repeat the same. now they've ghosted. thanks, virtual hiring.

how is it the candidate's fault? found out this isn't rare by speaking to a few others from my network who i knew were interviewing for the same firm. for students whose lives can change completely based on the outcome of an opportunity that they came across due to sheer luck and could definitely make use of because of their hard work - this is so heartbreaking and demotivating.

Didn't install linux for years now. Today, I have to and nothing changed about wifi drivers, at all ! Even the install process still sucks !

And they still ask to "sudo apt-get install fucking-wifi-driver" ?!?!?!

I don't have internet yet, that's the all point, damn it !

Okay so I am a computer science student, and here's what my parents and relatives think I do-
typing random letters and numbers into the computer system until it magically turns into some working mobile app, which is their expectation. While I am coding some addition program just for them to see 2+2=4.

Not leaning on unit tests. I usually write them after testing my code manually, and lose time for testing feature by hand.

So our sales rep got this email from some random dude yesterday (jan 12) saying he wants a simple webpage with a video background and some shit and that it's upmost important that it's done by jan 21.
Ignoring the fact that we are busy af, i thought well yeah it's doable. A simple onepager with some nice elements and some shit, ez pz.
In the email he also sent a link to a website simmilar to what he wants (as an example i presume) and it turned out to be a fully functional blog, a medium sized webshop (by the looks of it) and a whole lot of other stuff.
He didn't state a budget but seeing his demands I'd say his budget isn't much more than a couple of hundred €.

Why the hell does that happen?

Ever tried explaining GitHub to someone? I swear it's like trying to teach a dog to ride a bike. You can try, but it's probably not going to end well.
Okay, rant over. Back to coding... and dealing with merge conflicts... and pull requests... and GitHub issues... sigh.

I was brought into my new position as part of an transformation of waterfall to agile methodology.

We are now running 4 while projects and need to restart the remaining 29 projects using agile principles. The business management type people love agile, but somehow the people inside the current waterfall practices doesn't.

They are afraid their silo work will either expand or not exist thus making it hard to transform the company. Also the company have been subjected to the dead sea effect.

Therfore, the project that is currently in the space of transformation is making my blood boil because people just ain't passionate enough about software.

Either you craft software, or, well you sit and suckle other's money. People suckling should please grow up and start venturing beyond there cozy 9 to 5 and transform to be a professional software doer rather than a BA, DEV, IT GUY.

YOU BASTARDS GET A SHITLOAD OF MONEY AND DON'T DESERVE IT FOR THE EFFORT YOU BRING.

It is your software, own it, be proud of it. Read up to make it better. And as always, the people debugging your code can be a violent psychopath

Stick to one project about which you want to learn but don't know how to do it,complete it...and now you have learnt something new

Nothing shits me more than being interrupted every two hours for a "huddle". Shove your buzzword up your ass and fuck off so I can actually get some work done. What am I currently working on? The same fucking thing I was doing before you interrupted me again for a status update.

This Monday I start my first job as a junior web developer and a coworker already my first two hours will be free time, don't know how to feel 😓

fucking software licenses

every day my boss says he'll review the requirements for our product. every day he forgets to do so. every day he asks where the update for the next stage is. every day i remind him. every day he forg ---

Mine and @jacoKotze's final exams for the year (maybe for a while too) are finally starting today. Up first: programming! The most ~complicated~ subject according to our classmates. (Did you notice the sarcasm?)

C# events and delegates, file streams, and LINQ are the "new" content next to the tests where we did exception handling and inheritance.

Beers on a Wednesday afternoon at work. Feelsgoodman.

Stop shoving Django admin down everyones throat as a client facing solution every time we need any admin functionality.

It’s great at first but then you have to dick around customising it when you could build the same thing with any modern frontend framework and REST API easily.

Not to mention Django admin couples the models to the view it provides you (inlining particular models given their relationships)

He pushes "build"
But alas
New requirement email

You know you hit rock bottom when can only comunicate with a chat bot.

Chances of getting all the bugs fixed before the demo...

"What do you think Abdul? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?"

Always have a roll forward plan, backups, and a site B. Especially if you think it is a non critical system.

Someday, I will create NoJavaScript.
#nojavascript
#javascript
#i_hate_javascript

I will train myself to be an avenger. In case things went wrong like ultron.
Anyone wanna join me?
Write your superpowers.

I like working my 10 hours a day. So for the 6 of them I want to pair program with my grads I expect them to be as focused as I am, actually even more, but 25 minutes into a session they just zoom out and start making jokes.

Anyone into minecraft pocketmine plugin/server developing?

Developer 1: You know what they say, programming is just like sex.

Developer 2: Wait, what? I've never heard that before.

Developer 1: Yeah, you spend all your time trying to fix things that should never have happened in the first place.

Uploaded a virtual machine on VCS as an intern. So that people can use my code.

Pro tip: write ugly codes to obfuscate code

When I knew the games on my Texas Instruments calculator was made by simple text files

That feeling when you have a new job lined up and nothing to rant about.

Writting stuff after while(true).

Okay so being a developer is mostly like playing a never ending game of whack-a-mole with BUGS, you think you have fixed one until few more pops up like a bad case of acne.
But you know what's even worse? When you finally get something working, and you're feeling all proud of yourself, and then someone comes along and tells you that it's not "visually appealing" enough. "Can't you just add some more glitter and unicorns to the homepage? Oh, and can you make it look like it was designed by a unicorn who majored in art?"

Colleague from a remote office emails me to ask what version of some tooling is installed on a build machine. Generally I wouldn't mind, but for the fact they're literally sat next to said build machine in the remote office. I mean... why get up and look yourself, when you can just IM somebody to look for you... right?

Send an email.
Or, more seriously: invite only people who must be there, and can add something to the discussion, have an agenda, stick to it, and plan the meeting so that it ends at the start of lunch break. That way everybody will be interested in finishing on time or earlier.

I often get distracted by other incompetent teams and preach ddd and tdd to them instead of writing my own code

what are personal projects if not the daughters of hackathon solutions that never saw the light of day

If the editor knows where's the error
Then it should solve it on its own.....

One of my friend offered me $500 for creating a virus in "assembly"
I lost $500

I spent ~12h working on a simple issue/bug.
7h was spent on rebuilding local dev environment which is a clusterfuck of maven profiles, tomcat, some autogenerated degeneracy, and 2 different build systems for JS.
5h spent on actual bug fixing, code reviews and so on.
FML

How did they program keyboard?

I am currently going to start data structures and algorithms in python...
suggest me a roadmap according to your experience

Stop using 'i' in loops

Any of you guys know about Feathers UI ? Based on Google Trends, I'll assume that you don't. But if you do please let me know

What did spider-man do in his free time??

He develops Web

My rant started today

One of my few friends died with unknown reasons. Would it be unethical to hack their accounts to get more info?

Using diskpart tool and forgot to add the "quick" option to format the damn hard drive 😥

The sticker would look amazing on my laptop, too bad i'm not going to get one soon 🙁🙁

Got pissed that my story delayed the whole project by 3 weeks (major story, lots of changes, and management decided to put me in a few extra activities outside of the project).
Stayed up until like 23:00 to deliver PR.

need more experience for good entry-level jobs, need a good entry-level job for more experience. yay

I don't know game development but idk I accepted an offer for game development competition..
the fuck I didn't even knew how to make one...
Now I. am working with Ursina Engine....
even the code on google does not work........

I caught up a scammer last night he was doing some astrology and stuff.
He asked for money......
I gave him a grabify link.....
He gave me his location(accidentally)and told me to teach him the trick....
He wasn't even scared

Get to know the new company better (Changed job shortly before Christmas).
Learn some DPs, DDD, k8s, finish introduction to hacking course, start doing htb and thm machines, finish and defend my thesis, finish books clean code, thinking in java (reading it to fill in gaps on knowledge), a few books about pentesting.
Among non tech goals: pass drivers license exam for cars, another one for motorcycles, go back to learning russian.

For a while my social life was fuck all due to death marches and poorly managed projects. I’d be so exhausted by the time the weekend rolled around that I just didn’t want to do anything.

Sticking to a healthy work schedule and prioritising family and friends after an 8 hour workday did wonders.

On weekends I just tell me wife that I want to look at technology x for a couple of hours and we plan our day around that.

Also, finding social events I want to attend like DnD made a huge difference.

I hate it when users don’t know how to do a search on a windows OS. Make themselves look stupid.

I need a scraper, or a f$$$in api

Anybody using Jetbrains PyCharm on Linux ?

I'm using Fedora 25/ pre-release, and It's rock solid except for wifi hotspot and I don't need it.

Now my school gave me a Windows 10 pro key, and I'm hesitant.
Should I install it ?
Will I need it ?

Isn't the subscribe function devrant work like creepy stalking someone...
Like what he commented,liked or posted....

which is the best cloud provider for a complete beginner (user/dev) in terms of community support, employer preference and user-friendliness?

i know that understanding the tech and concepts behind it matters more than getting familiarized with a specific platform, but i'm looking to build a more diverse profile and have noticed many positions asking for AWS/Azure experience.

since i'll be starting from scratch, any provider with easy-to-follow documentation, online help and certifications that don't leave you broke (would have to pay myself, earn very less as a student from a third-world country, parents/current employer can't support) would work.

can someone explain me what are ADT(abstract data types)

Update of previous post
I just got assigned to a project.
Project-specific training is designed to take up to 20 days.
I got materials, videos, and a person who is in this project for a long time to supervise training and introduce me to the project.
Only problem is that the project apparently uses 5 years old version of base framework.

Does anyone else also feels like "I knew it why I didn't try this way, this was easy" after using stackoverflow