Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

WHY THE FUCKIDY FUCK DO PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A DEVELOPER THEN YOU CAN DO EVERY FUCKING THING IN A SNAP?!

THIS ENTIRE SUMMER I WORKED FOR THIS MIDGET OF A FUCK AND THE IDEA WAS TO MAINLY DEVELOP AN IOS APP FOR THEIR PRODUCT. THAT ONE APP TRANSLATED TO THREE SEPARATE APPS AND KEEP IN MIND THAT I AM THE ONLY DEVELOPER THEY HAVE SO I HAVE TO DEVELOP IT, TEST IT AND DOCUMENT IT!! AND WHAT'S EVEN WORSE IS HE KEEPS GIVING ME DESIGNS AT THE LAST MINUTE SO I ALWAYS END UP HAVING TO CREATE NEW PROJECTS ALL THE TIME. WHEN A WEEK PASSES BY WITHOUT ANY UPDATE HE AND HIS FUCKED UP BRAIN CELLS GATHER A MEETING WITH HIS 'DONALD TRUMP HANDS-SIZED' BALLS TO ASK ME, 'WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG? THESE ARE JUST THREE BUTTONS ON THIS VIEW?' MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!! GO GET YOUR MOM TO DO THIS WORK THEN IF IT'S JUST THREE BUTTONS. TO HIM EVERYTHING IN IOS WHICH INCORPORATES A TAP IS A FUCKING BUTTON! BUTTON THIS! BUTTON THAT! AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS SIMPLE DESIGNS..NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS ASSHOLE-SHAPED-HEAD MUGGET DESIGNS SHIT WHICH REQUIRES ME TO HAVE TO DRAW A UIVIEW AS THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN BODY AND HEART. THEN ASIDE FROM THAT, JUST BECAUSE MY RESUME SAYS I MINORED IN MATH AND APPLIED MATH, HE SENDS ME A PAPER THAT EXPLAINS MATHEMATICAL CONCEPTS OF DATA ANALYSIS THEN WANTS TO MEET WITH ME TO DISCUSS THE SUGGESTED METHODS THEN IMPLEMENT THEM. AT THIS POINT I HAD ALREADY IMPLEMENTED AN ALGO FOR COUNTING THE NUMBER OF STEPS THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY MORE ACCURATE THAN THE SHIT THEY HAD IN THEIR CONTROLLER..

SO AS I AM ABOUT TO FINISH IMPLEMENTING JUST THE INITIAL 5 VIEWS OF THIS 'FINAL' APP, HE SERIOUSLY WALKS IN AND TELLS ME, SO I'M STARTING TO WORRY THAT WE'LL NOT MEET THE AUGUST DEADLINE SO I'M THINKING MAYBE YOU SHOULD START SWITCHING BETWEEN DEVELOPMENT. WORK ON IOS FOR 4 HOURS THEN SWITCH TO ANDROID FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE TIME. OH AND UHH IF YOU FEEL LIKE TAKING THE IMAC WITH YOU TO WORK FROM HOME, THAT'S FINE AS WELL AND I'LL BE AVAILABLE IN THE WEEKENDS AS WELL. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT I REALLY REALLY HOPED I WERE GAY! LIKE 'NO LUBE' STYLE KINDA GAY!! OH BTW AT SOME POINT HE HAD ME PROGRAM ONE OF THEIR CONTROLLERS, AND WAS ASKING IF I COULD START RESEARCHING MEANS OF WRITING AN SDK FOR THEM.

KEEP IN MIND THAT I'M AN INTERN WITH ONE YEAR IOS DEV EXPERIENCE.. THEN HE WANTS ME TO ENTIRELY START LEARNING ANDROID AND GIVE HIM TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THIRD APP IN TWO WEEKS.

HE CAN GO SUCK HIS OWN DICK WHILE GETTING FINGER FUCKED BY A FORK WITH A BLUE WHALE'S 6FT LONG DICK UP HIS MOUTH.

*** that felt good ****

Anyone know this bitch hacker 127.0.0.1 story?

WORST HACKERS OF ALL TIME

CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS BECUASE IT IS SO LONG...

TLdr bitch hacker hacks himself by localhost

bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can’t you discus normally
<bitchchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn’t kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you’re stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you’re so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What’s up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don’t know
<bitchchecker> i’m 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn’t know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you’re afraid
<bitchchecker> i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall
<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can’t hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..

If a teamviewer sessions counts as "screenshare", I've got a good one.

The company I'm working for also got an internal video player in the webfrontend of it's product. A customer called in, because the player "stays black", instead of playing his videos. It's a player for a media library of the customer, so it can be any content. A collegue did some trouble shooting, but since the customer was not very experienced in IT they arranged a teamviewer session. At the appointed time, my collegue called the customer and asked him to reproduce the issue, while watching via teamviewer.

When opening the media player, it stayed black indeed, so my collegue asked the customer to try another video. From my desk I heard my collegue say "Oh god, no" (phone muted) pretty loudy and he asked us to come to his place quickly. The customer decided, it would be a good idea to try the video player with gay porn. So we stood there around my collegues desk, watching a hairy man, getting his asshole licked by another an even hairier man for a few secs.

The customer stopped the playback, said "ok, maybe the other file was just broken.", thanked my collegue and the call was over.

We had a few similar cases.

I'm gonna be honest with you guys.

I need a friend. A real friend. And I'm looking for one (or many) among you.

Is any of you interested in being my friend?

I know, it sounds weird. My inner self bully is bringing to mind many adjectives for saying that: faggot, weak, snowflake, gay, pussy, clingy, demanding.

I know. But I'm at the edge of 30 and I think it's better if I cut the shit and just be very clear about the type of friend I'm looking for.

I need people that will be there when the shit gets tough.

I can joke with you,
I can laugh my ass off with you,
I can passionately argue about what's the better programming language.

But most importantly, I can be there when you're depressed, when you want to punch your boss in the face, when you're griefing a loved one that is gone.

And that exactly what I'm looking in a friend.

I used to have friends in life, but a variety of circumstances caused some distance: commitments, personality changes, physical distance, or just a feeling that they don't give two shits about me.

Am I the perfect friend? Not at all. I have a temper and am quite opinionated about my tools, but most of the times I try to be a not-asshole.

I might get angry and be very honest when I don't like something, but it would be very weird for me to turn my back on a friend.

It is impossible for someone to be friends with and to like everyone. But the least I can do is just give anyone a chance.

I think friendships are just things that take time and grow if there is enough care put into them.

Here's my discord chirptune#1829, so if you add me, please let me know your username here.

I think it'd be cool to have like a brotherhood on discord or slack of people looking out for each other (jesus christ, that sounds corny as fuck)

Not to rob people from devrant, I just think that the board style can't fulfill deeper social needs imo, that's all.

The Devs decided!
Behold my new name:
@IamGay6969
What...
No...
THIS CANT BE!
NOOOOOO!

Insecure... My laptop disk is encrypted, but I'm using a fairly weak password. 🤔

Oh, you mean psychological.

Working at a startup in crisis time. Might lose my job if the company goes under.

I'm a Tech lead, Senior Backender, DB admin, Debugger, Solutions Architect, PR reviewer.

In practice, that means zero portfolio. Truth be told, I can sniff out issues with your code, but can't code features for shit. I really just don't have the patience to actually BUILD things.

I'm pretty much the town fool who angrily yells at managers for being dumb, rolls his eyes when he finds hacky code, then disappears into his cave to repair and refactor the mess other people made.

I totally suck at interviews, unless the interviewer really loves comparing Haskell's & Rust's type systems, or something equally useless.

I'm grumpy, hedonistic and brutally straight forward. Some coworkers call me "refreshing" and "direct but reasonable", others "barely tolerable" or even "fundamentally unlikable".

I'm not sure if they actually mean it, or are just messing with me, but by noon I'm either too deep into code, or too much under influence of cognac & LSD, wearing too little clothing, having interesting conversations WITH instead of AT the coffee machine, to still care about what other humans think.

There have been moments where I coded for 72 hours straight to fix a severe issue, and I would take a bullet to save this company from going under... But there have also been days where I called my boss a "A malicious tumor, slowly infecting all departments and draining the life out of the company with his cancerous ideas" — to his face.

I count myself lucky to still have a very well paying job, where many others are struggling to pay bills or have lost their income completely.

But I realize I'm really not that easy to work with... Over time, I've recruited a team of compatible psychopaths and misfits, from a Ukranian ex-military explosives expert & brilliant DB admin to a Nigerian crossfitting gay autist devops weeb, to a tiny alcoholic French machine learning fanatic, to the paranoid "how much keef is there in my beard" architecture lead who is convinced covid-19 is linked to the disappearance of MH370 and looks like he bathes in pig manure.

So... I would really hate to ever have to look for a new employer.

I would really hate to ever lose my protective human meat shield... I mean, my "team".

I feel like, despite having worked to get my Karma deep into the red by calling people all kinds of rude things, things are really quite sweet for me.

I'm fucking terrified that this peak could be temporary, that there's a giant ravine waiting for me, to remind me that life is a ruthless bitch and that all the good things were totally undeserved.

Ah well, might as well stay in character...

*taunts fate with a raised middlefinger*

Sadly to say, but devrant is slowly moving away from dev part of its name, even rant part.

More I see posts about this tech sucks vs that tech sucks. That being annoying, would be fine, not for me, but fine.

The worse part are the memes. Repost memes, not funny, though, maybe funny to some, still no effort reposts.

Even worse are posts that have nothing to do with dev. Like recent post about soldiers and gay people (maybe you saw it). Why the hell post it here?

Going down are the ++ beggers, sadly I see even more of them.

Yes I understand I can just leave this platform.
I just wanted to express these mixed feelings I have been getting for my once favorite place to read about other devs experience.

Ah yes, Brave, the browser that "respects your privacy" has started putting ads directly *in* the browser.

When they introduced Brave Rewards and people were confused why I was upset, it's because I knew it was a slippery slope to toward this sort of thing.

EDIT: Turns out, the ad is targeted towards LGBT people. As an LGBT person who just wants to live life in peace, this shit aggravates me even more. First, corporations are not your friends. They do not care about you. It's virtue signalling. Second, it's a bit ironic seeing as how Brenden Eich made Brave. If you don't already know, Brenden Eich (also creator of javascript) is pretty anti-gay.

So many things wrong with this. Can't wait to stop leasing away my devices' resources to advertisers.

The ultimate "I am vegan" guy will be arch linux user, vegan, trans, crossfitter and cryptocurrency investor. I've just met guy like this in my job. He did not shut up for a while. I am not sure whats he doing and whats his job but my guess is that hes paid for spreading cancer, sucidal toughts and eatig your will to live and talk with people...

R - retard
M - me

R: Hey CopyPasteCode I found this bug, it does 'this' insted of 'this'. *spreads arms to see his "muscles"*
M: *headphones off* Ok, I will look into it... *headphones back on*
R: Btw you invested something in the crypto, didnt you? Ive invested... ...bitcoin... ...crypto... ...litecoin..., do you think that... ...something... ...bla bla bla?
M: *tries not to kill myself after his 5 minutes of monolog* Ye sure
R: By the way Ive found this awesome vegan restaurant that accepts litecoin, would you like to come sometime?
M: *10 minutes monolog about vegan food and shit. At this point I want to die* Ok, I will now work on that back, see you later.
R: ye sure bro (wtf, "bro"?)... *looks like hes walking away* *teleports on my otger side touching my monitor*
WOW you are also a Limux user? 😮 Ivr installed arch linux this weekand and its so awesome, *another 6 minutes of monolog*
M: *smiling and preparing to kill him or myself* Nice, awesome *fake smile*
R: Anyway, I gotta go (FINALLY!!!), btw, I am going to the *name of local trans and gay club*, wanna go with me?
M: *after a month after a breakup with my GF (because she was cheating on me) which everyone in the office knew...)* Not really *trying to thing how to say "fuck off" without having meeting with HR*, I cant, I already have somethimg.
R: Oh, ok. Btw, you are rly cool bro (again), we should hang. We should hangout more often...

I hope someone is paying me for loosing 27 minutes with this guy.

Life as a homeless developer.

I'm a lil brainsick but homelessness makes you that way.
I started writing software as a hedge against an old injury i had from my teen years. I have a unique condition leaving me with limited use of my hand as such any jobs like cashier call center and they like are of limits to me, i can't hold change because my hands don't bend flat, and to much typing is excruciating. Therefore being adev should get the most bang for the buck that I have left. Ive been doing this for 12 years. Well it's all bullshit and unicorns. I can't get a job to save my life. All i get is calls from recruiters wanting a full stack retard. I'm an erlang developer for about 5 years, c# php no i can't do Photoshop or frontend gay as colors because it's a different skillet. Oh but trumpy says we're at the lowest unemployment ever, ya because we're all homeless and companies are still looking for unicorns, they don't exist just like the fake jobs which is the real fake news. In reality if a company wants you its because their dev left and you are to fix their broken shit, which never worked in the first place thus cannot be fixed besides I'm not a plumber. In my opinion many companies nowadays are run by liberal sjw children who don't value your time but want the product now, spoilt. Recruiters are the worst, gimme money because i touched your resume. I'd rather just kill myself than try to appease some fucking retarded children. Its so awesome to live in a tunnel while my skills entropy while i have 160 self published github repos, know many programming languages and be told your have no value. its those same children that dont understand the flow of money or value loyalty, claim we have all these jobs but no skillid employees, so they can bring in more visa overstayers, underpay them and claim record profits, the more you pay forieners my countries money the less there is to go around in the society leading to disenfranchised people like me, and you wonder why there's so many shootings in il. How long can i endure homelessness before i start becoming a criminal? Soon i will have no other option. You employers had a choice but I'm going out with a bang.

!dev !sex I promise this is a good read

I once read the whole bible.

Not in one sitting, ofc. I read it in a period of a year, just 3-4 chapters a day.

Is it something to boast about?
I'm not sure.

I mean, I guess being able to read through it despite not being exactly entertainment material (except some fun parts) kinda is. So I might feel a tad bit proud about that.

But I'm actually more happy that I did instead.

The reason I'm more happy than proud is because I took awareness of the religion I was in.

I became christian when I was an early teen. I grew up in an agnostic family. My dad was kinda hippie and my mom was into leftist ideas.

So me becoming a christian was a bit orthogonal to their philosophies.

I started assisting a church because I was very alone and misunderstood, and found some people there that seemed to get me, and viceversa.

But as time went on and I got more exposed to christian doctrine, my level of commitment grew.

I wanted to save people from going to hell. It sounds funny, maybe egotistical, but it's true.

3, 4 years of being in the church go by. I collaborate in the church, I make some very personal friendships, I was very deep in church by that point.

I then decide that I should take it to the next level and read the bible. So I did. And unknowingly, it started this feeling in me that I didn't liked being a christian at all.

I'm not gonna deny there are some christian values that are still compatible with today's modern society, such as being a good samaritan, working hard, being honest.

But there were too many verses in both old and new testament that I found morally repugnant,

The ones that made me feel the worst about christianity, though, were the ones that condemned homosexuality with death.

Since my dad was a hippie, he used to be in artsy things, like theater or music, and through that he had some gay friends

And for real, I think they were the nicest and most cheerful people I'd met as a kid. So I could not be part of that anymore.

Let me clarify that I didn't stop being a christian immediately after finishing the bible, but it did start a spark "of "what tf do I even believe in...?"

That spark turned into flame when I started the university, a place where people think for a living.

It's no wonder my mind started completing the puzzle, and slowly I started liking church and christianity less and less.

Until one sunday I didn't want to go, and I didn't, and from then on, I pretty much severed ties with that church and christianity.

Which is crazy considering I went every sunday without interruption for 6 years, and several saturdays too.

Anyhow, that's my story of me getting in n out of christianity. Like in the previous post, it sure how to end this, so go fuck a rock or something.

Making ciri from the witcher upcoming tv series a black asian minority ( although she has has elf blood . Elfs are white not black ).

Master/slave controversy.

Introducing random gay movie scenes just for the sake of diversity.

What's next ? Making a documentary about linus torvalds with him being a black asian gay feminist ?

Manager: We have a new equity survey from HR that is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY. Anyone who doesn’t fill it out will be severely reprimanded for being against diversity in the workplace. We need this data in order to ensure we have the ABSOLUTELY EXACT ratio of EVERY minority so that we can show the people that we do not discriminate against ANYBODY for ANYTHING. One of the problems with hiring new people is that most people we want to hire turn out to be white and we are absolutely not allowed to hire any more white people because we are over the quota for white people. Now there’s a loophole to this, if that white person belongs to some sub-minority like they are muslim or gay or something like that it’s totally cool and we can show people we don’t discriminate on these things when making employment decisions!

Dev: That’s…not wh—

Mandatory Survey: Please select your sexual preferences and/or religion from the dropdown below.

Dev: jesus christ.

!rant

Many dev ranting that apple is reached $1T by selling stupid connector's...... and other shit.

I am not apple product owner.

But Today I want to salute steve jobs.
A person without college degree,drug addiction,guilt of adopted son,financial issue's without any god father........................

Created one company.

Kicked out from own company.

Joinned again.

developed such policy in company that every one should follow.

took retirement due to cancer and all right's transfer to A Gay CEO.

and
now that company reached $1T.

Really fucking motivational thing.
Nothing is impossible.

Thanks to @bigus-dickus and @duckWit I remembered how a client during an interview once asked me to change all globes on his webpage (imagine something like attached, just with globes all over the place) to a green palette, because according to him "blue" means being gay in russian and that was the cause for people not hitting the landing page and not signing up anymore.

Just had an old coworker from a previous job send me some stuff for a php script he was having issues with.

There was too much glory in what he was trying to do: mixing php inside of jquery code, not using strict types would have prevented like 10 issues he was having on his script on another portion, mixing headers, weirdly named variables, poorly constructed, reused db connections, 0 oop or proper dependency management in his code, horrible use of sessions and cookies, O (n²) logic all over the place.

But the cake.....are y'all ready for it? It was code screenshots, not even of just the section, no, the full page, from a windows machine (to make it better he is hosting the application on an IIS server and his configuration was not properly set) but I digress, back to the cake:

He was writing his code inside of wordpad :P

FUCKING WORDPAD

I just politely told him that I was busy at the moment and happily ignored him. Dude is not a good person to begin with imo, for example, he brought the subject of homosexuality during one of our talks after he saw me talking to my bf, who just so happens to be gay, his statement was "I do not understand how there can be gay people when there are women that are so hot"

My comeback was "I do not understand how we can be heterosexual when there are some really attractive dudes out there, see how stupid your logic sounds? attractiveness is not the basis for homosexuality ye dipstick" he let it go after that, but close minded people like that are not really my cup of tea.

Voting feels like shit.

Seriously. Why? Because I have to vote for parties and representatives that might have one interest in common with me but go against my points of view almost all of the time. "We'll introduce a freedom of information act and legalize weed for better drug policy and youth protection!" -- WOW Great I'll vote for yo .. " ...and we'll also come to your home kill your dog, rape your family and shit in your back yard." -- oh f*** WHY? why do I have to live in a system were I am constantly forced to trade shit for even worse shit? Why can't I vote for policies or at least some kind of 'single' - issue representative?

I know that solving this problem is not easy and I do not claim to have the magical solution. "Not voting is even worse" sure but I am getting so fucking tired of it. It doesn't feel like progression and it sure as hell does not feel like it matters because in the end of the day you are just voting for the party that's at least going to use lube when raping you. I hate these ad hominem politics where we don't discuss the ideas but the people who represent them. I honestly don't give a fuck about who you are, if you're gay, married, or are left-wing, right-wing, conservative or liberal, in the end its about finding a good solution for everyone and not about the people implementing it. I don't care about politicians private lifes or worldviews (in terms of ideals, morals, religion etc.) , I care about finding the solutions to problems and having a wide array of opinions in order to discuss ideas and to find a valid and good way to go forward. "you can't agree with that person at all, because he's evil", yeah you know what? I don't care. It's about the ideas, arguments, discussions and solutions, not about the people who discuss them.

"I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I
screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me...
Or feels threatened by me...
Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike."

My mother is a manipulative bitch.

From my childhood, I remember nothing but fear and guilt. When I was 13, she shamed me for my body looking ugly and too feminine. She shamed me for having better vision than her, and that I don’t need to wear glasses.

I had a broken toe once, and she shamed me into admitting it wasn’t in fact broken. After two weeks of pain, she finally got me to the doctor, and x-ray had shown it was in fact broken.

She always made me carry her heavy luggage with her crap to the airport, and once I got hernia. The surgery was needed. After the surgery, they didn’t care, didn’t give me the time to recover, and made me carry her crap again. The second surgery was needed. It was more complex than the first one. Now my body is ruined by those disgusting scars. I hate my body now. It is ruined.

She tried to knock down the door into my room when I was crying and didn’t want to talk.

She screamed at me when I wanted to donate some of my old clothes to charity, the ones I bought with my own money. She is so obsessed with her crap. She hoards it, and she was hoarding it into _my_ room, not hers.

My father is still unknown. She abandoned me as a kid for my grandparents to grow me. I barely saw her till the age of six. Then I grew up with her and my stepdad, and their relationship was all manipulation and guilt. She made him apologize and beg almost every day over the course of thirteen years. They were fighting about their miserable sexual life, lack of her orgasms while I was still a kid. She just didn’t care. Once they decided to talk about their pissing kink right next to me when I was (not in fact) asleep.

When I was raped, she did nothing. She just kept on calling me beautiful and insisting she wanted me to wear mascara, while hating gay people. It was all before I realized my gender identity.

She also didn’t notice I was autistic. She liked it, as it gave her advantage. It’s easy to manipulate an autistic teenager.

After my coming-out, she told me she had cancer, and she wanted to stop treatment in order to “die sooner and not see me”.

But once my bipolar disorder awakened, things changed. Bipolar is my shield. I can be manipulated, yes, but bipolar will obliterate my whole world view once a year, together with your manipulative crap you planted into my life. And because it dismantled a 19-year-long, almost fractal manipulative masterpiece, I fear nothing now.

I disowned her some two years ago.

I'm not gay but i may can help

I dropped my kid off at preschool and went my way home.

She's 2 so I transport her on a stroller.

While coming back, I came across an old lady sweeping the sidewalk of her house, and it got narrow to pass through because there was a tree next to her.

I carefully slowed down as to not collide with her, and while going through, we noticed each other.

I did a tiny smile as a way of saying "hi" like I usually do to people on the street.

To which she gave back the most innocent and sweet smile I've ever seen a stranger give on the street.

I could honestly feel my heart crack as it happened.

I guess the stroller must have caused her sympathy thus that reaction.

(which is why I like going around with the stroller, because people tend to treat you nicely which feels nice, like butterflies)

I know it might seem like an ordinary story without a punchline, but let me explain that I walk this city everyday.

And even though the people here is very nice compared to other cities I've lived in, it is very rare to get smiled at with such joy.

You might still think that is not a good story. But I can explain its relevance.

As some of you know, I post triggering content on this account, closeted parts of me that I normally hide,

Such as sexual stuff, some people think I'm a degenerate but I like to think I just have normal sexual thoughts that don't affect others in real life AT ALL.

And I'm also very argumentative, again, some people might see it as troll behaviour. On my side though, I just don't like bullshit and call it out when I see it.

But with this post, I'm not trying to be more likable or negate all the weird shit I said. This post is just another closeted part of me, being emotional.

And the reason I hide that is because it is not generally well accepted when a man is sensitive, at least where I'm from.

For example, if a female friend at work had a nice haircut, sometimes I feel the urge to be like "omg girl you look so prettyyyy!!!!".

But if I did that I know what will happen based on DIRECT experience: people will assume I'm gay or weak, and will make fun of that.
Or the actual friend will think I'm hitting on her.

No, fucking thank you, not having that shit.

But even if people accepted that, they just can't conceive I'm also very direct and honest, so when they do get to know me better, they get shocked.

So what do I do? I just hide that. That might change in the future, but I don't have the energy right now to deal with some people's simplemindedness.

I'm not making any sort of political statement, like "people should be treat me correctly or else get fired because of offending my gender".

But I'm not gonna lie, it would feel very nice if I was around more progressive people. I wished I had just just standard male behaviour and thoughts.

I guess some people in progressive cities are more accepting of the whole gender fluid thing, so I wished I lived in one (let me clarify though, I'm not a mindless gender fanatic).

I'm also not perfect and sometimes the line between "I love your haircut" and "I'm into you" blurs the fuck out, so that's on me... I don't know if it's something I can change though...

Hopefully all this shit I'm saying doesn't make me look like a lunatic. Veeeery hopefully.

Though, If you think for real I'm a lunatic or bad person, you can suck donkey dick.

What's this erogant world?

Someone asked a question in Stack Exchange, he put his design of a school management database and asked for suggestions.
Well, there are many things to improve, relations and data types etc..

BUT, he got 10 very long answers about why every student has exactly a father and a mother, why not 2 mothers and 3 fathers and all some off topic talks that could be said in 1 line..
Like what the... ok we know you're gay but answer the question without being an attention greedy

What the fuck is up with this fucking tour bus company called Akdeniz?
These fucking retards want me to login to instagram etc. to get wifi access. Like wtf. Is not my 30 TL not enough?
Are you really going to save my login data for a few TL? Why would you dipshit people want me to login with my social media account (besides of that I do not even have an Instagram account. Miss me with that gay shit.)
I do not have a fucking fuckbook and a twittermyass.
I hope y'all fucking die by sucking my long ass dick, incompetent braindeads!

Create this fucking account just to say: FUCK XAMARIN!

Mono is great on Linux, but Xamarin.Android is a GAY RETARD!

Fucking Xamarin.Android apps are retarded, wait for them 3 fucking seconds and a simple Hello World app doesn't start.

Retarded Xamarin.Forms make the whole pile of shit a lot worse using fucking abstractions and stuff. And the geniuses at Uno Platform does not make this shit any better.

Why don't those nerds at Xamarin make a way to compile all C# code to native JVM bytecode and provide all C# core libraries AS NATIVE JAVA LIBRARIES, RATHER THAN LOADING A NEW USELESS RETARDED VIRTUAL MACHINE ON THE JVM?

So that's it. Guess there's no way to write good Android apps using C#.

Some days ago a friend told me about this good site to by the new .app domains, bigdaddy.com.
So I wanted to look for a domain and ooops, thats gay porn 😮
I confused names with godaddy.com. Maybe a lecture at uni is not the best place to open this site 😅

Fresh internship story (Part 3)

Turns out my coworker with a mental disorder(adhs and idk what you call it. He is 24 years old, but is mentally between 16 and 18) is gay.

ATTENTION: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER SINCE THIS IS GOING TO GET DISGUSTING!

My cheap coworker's name is Justin btw. I felt a weird atmosphere when I joined the team. Justin seemed to be a hetero guy. (I am generally assuming that every guy and girl I met is hetero). But he had his slightly "gay moves".

Yesterday, I was curious about it and asked him about why he was afraid about the police to identify him on a video to start the conversation. He told me that his ex did cheat on him. Since I assumed that he was hetero I asked if the girl was cheating on him. He got embarrassed.
him:"I uhmm... am... not hetero. I am...*stops talking*"
me:"What? Are you bi? Are you gay? What are you?"
him:"I am gay."
me:"Oh... *tries to hide the shock* I see.*silence for a minute*"
me:"What is the name of your ex?"
Justin:"Fabian. Fabian had a video and pictures of me and he put them online and did spread them with everyone. After that I got punched by some dudes. Now I want to take my revenge."
me:"... well... now that makes sense.*silence*"

I felt sorry for him and decided to keep listening. I made a wrong decision there.

2 hours later he told me how he got gay, because I wanted to know if he was born gay or if he became gay.
He told me his whole life was full of sex.
He found a sextape of his parents and jerked off to it without cuming since he did not even hit puberty yet. Then he had sex with a 6 year old girl and then with a 12 year old girl when he was 8 or something in both cases.

Later he got into a place full of guys.
He first started jerking off to hetero porn among the dudes. I wonder how he got no shame while doing it. Anyways, after that he began to feel something for boys and less for girls since boys were able to understand him more than girls. Then he became gay and his sex life with boys started.
It was very disgusting, but I wanted to know it.

next morning:
*he keeps talking about how Fabian fucked him outside in the bushes and I keep ignoring him*

Bible verses.

Sorted from "wtf" to progressively more disturbing.

---
1️⃣ One of many contradictions
---

John 4:12
"No one has seen the face of God."

Genesis 32:31
"I have seen the face of God..."

---
2️⃣ All-Knowing God, regrets creating you
---

Genesis 6:6
"And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart."

---
3️⃣ Says to kill all gay people
---

Leviticus 20:13
"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, they have committed an abomination; the two of them shall be put to death; their bloodguilt is upon them."

---
4️⃣ Approval of sex trafficking
---

Exodus 21:7
"If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do. If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, he must let her be redeemed."

---
5️⃣ Says its ok to own slaves
---

Exodus 21:20-21
"Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property."

---
6️⃣ Says its ok to kill children
---

Psalms 137:9
"Blessed the one who seizes your children and smashes them against the rock: the children represent the future generations, and so must be destroyed if the enemy is truly to be eradicated."

---
7️⃣ Says a raped woman must marry her rapist
---

Deuteronomy 22:28–29
"If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days."

---
8️⃣ Says incest is ok
---

Genesis 19:32-36
"Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father. That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father."

!rant

Me and one of my best friends joke way too much about being in a relationship that when he said that we should get married I legit spaced out and started to think how would that even work because he lives in Mexico and I live in the U.S. then i wondered how our work schedule would be and who would hog his gaming pc the most

We are both dudes and we are not gay. But you know man...if you are nor gay for your best friend...are you even best friends?

The team leader call us for a serious meeting, and he wants it to be productive,

Leader: "we shall not procrastinate anymore. We don't have time left. We should not just talk random bullshit like we did the last few times. Aight?"

We all agree to be productive.

We also set a few main subjects and decision to be discussed. Then, we all get into the meeting room seriously. In a meeting, we try the idea of the upcoming project. But we suddenly went off topic. Then, My friend talk about L4D2. Then we start playing. And, I say, why not try some GTA5? I proudly reboot my expensive laptop from Ubuntu to Windows and playing GTA. Then, we start spotify and talk about song.

We laid in the sofa and talk sexually. My friend introduce me his favorite AV and we compare our manhood's size.

It was 4am already. One by one the attendee fall asleep.

It is lIke... the survival gamr of sleepiness? xD

Only my best boy friend and I were left awake, talking about ourselves, watching the beautiful midnight city.

Then, 2 of us ourselves start to talk about project idea. It is something cool and crazy to think about, like a friend making app. The 3 hours of brainstorming is gay and romantic.

"Okay, so we have the outline. let's sleep, baby" So we sleep till the noon. We wake up. Some left. Some were still sleeping. The birds twitter in the bequtiful skyline.
I did not forget to upload my idea to discord after going home in the morning. End of the meeting. Barely any goal was met in the meeting.

Those days, we make attempt of productive meeting again and again but end up procrastinating everyday. We had meeting in a small bedroom and it was our meeting room. We played different songs, tasted different wines.

And, finally one day, my friend say "I feel that it is much productive to work alone in a separate room. So we won't get distracted by each other."
Another friend: "yea..I know it is harsh... but yea... true... let's work alone"

I almost eant to cry. But we cannot indulge ourselves in the moments of dreamy romance.

We should start real work and don't be gay.

!Rant

I was just wondering if there were gay developers around here ?

I'm not desperately looking for a man (already found mine) but It's just I don't seem to often get to meet gay peers. And well, if it can make get people to talk :)

If you're shy, just +1 or whatever, I didn't sudo the question.

!rant

I don't know if we already had a weekly rant about petty revenge or anything, but I did just pull some petty bullshit maybe 30 minutes ago.

A couple people I know are trying to start a clothing brand (think I posted something about it on here before) and asked me to build the website cause one of them found out I write code. (Well, he asked if I was good with computers and I told him that I am, and he basically said "you're building our website then")

Basically these people are..not good people. One of them has a history of sexually harassing girls (some of which are really close friends of mine), the other one is basically following in his footsteps. They also like to go to the parking lot of an elementary school (the one that my little sister goes to actually) and get high.

Both of them have fucked me over at some point in the few years I've known them. And so now my silent indirect petty revenge begins. Earlier I bought the domain name for the online store they're trying to (make me) build. Considering having the site redirect to a gay porn site.

One of them is currently getting into shit having to do with drugs, which is not my doing, but I can probably find a way to get them into trouble. Especially the fact that they're doing drugs in the parking lot of an elementary school. That shit's just fucked up, no exceptions.

Anyone have any suggestions for shit I could do to them?

Thank you for deleting our very first sprint.

The development was horrible and the management was a bizarre.

Thank you JIRA, and that one gay who accidentally deleted all 120+ stories and task.

PS. Calling gay is not an offensive word. He likes being called gay

On This Episode of Ghetto Medium..

Posted after midnight for extra spooky effects. Read in the dark at your own risk. You've been warned.

So my mother has been on a binge watching shows like long island medium (apparently the taller your hair the closer you are to god or something), and every time we talk she begins at length to talk about, you guessed it.. 'ghosts.'

Now don't get me wrong, I've had some 'spooby' shit occur in my lifetime, the sort that will tighten your sphincter faster than bill cosby asking you if you want some koolaid or grape drank, but I digress.

The ghost talk is tiring. Lately theres been a *flood* of these new shows, purportedly showing mediums and people who can 'look into the other side' and I realize just how vapid and ridiculous it's all become, as if they all are being personally haunted by the ghost of John Edwards burnt out husk of a career. Theres long island beehive big-hair medium, celebrity medium, allison DuBois (the inspiration for that one sappy show *medium*) whos red hair and vacant stare speak of glimpses into centuries past like an intimate unseen horizon. or maybe she forgot to unplug her curling iron in a hotel one time and has been rendered permanently catatonic. And who can forget *Beyond With James Van Praagh* (everyone) whos face, as measured by the width of his mustache, appears to be expanding at a constant rate like a bad image macro edit thats been memed and repasted a thousand times. Then theres Chip Coffee, whos name is about as believable as his teaching degree on the show *Psychic Kids* where he mentored, again, you guessed it, *psychic kids*. Of course theres Tyler Henry, a youthful, uh, "flamboyant" medium for celebrities with ghost problems. Never trust a man with two names, this ones no exception, he looks so clean cut hes either secretly mormon, or secretly gay, maybe both. I'm not judging, but I am saying if I ever saw his clean cut, smooth, wrinkless (seriously, how tyler? how?), all american face, say smiling that subtle smile outside my kitchen sliding glass door at 3 am, his face watching me from the pitch dark outside, I wouldn't at all be surprised, except for the hospital bill I'd have to pay after shitting a brick and needing anal surgery.

At this rate we have mediums popping out left and right, like clowns at one of them R.L Stein nightmare carnivals, or beggers outside a methodone clinic. Geez, they're coming out the wood work, like those painting you see with hidden faces in them, or wheres-waldo posters, only you're trying to find the non-waldo guy amongst all the characters because they're ALL waldo: goofy acting, goofy dressing, and just all around goofy looking.

At this rate I'm fully expecting "pet medium" (starring a character named Stephen King and his marital problems, played by johnny depp eating way to much corn), and "haunted objects medium", and "car medium" (it's just seinfeld in a car, talking to psychics instead of other people), and "ghetto medium."

Today on this episode of "Ghetto Medium"..

Medium: Teneesha, aw yeah girl, u *definitely* ded gurl, uh huh! You WAY to white too be alive, you done passed over gurl!

And in the next episode of Ghetto Medium, one man claims "every time I bend over I can hear "wOoOoOoOoO!, Is my asshole possessed? Find out is it real or fake, and what our verdict is in Ghost Medium, episode 3: A Haunting In My Nether-regions."

Cut commercial break.

"Jerry Springer: One women asks, 'jerry, is my unborn child's foreskin haunted? And later today we ask the crowd, would you have sex with a ghost?"

Welcome to American television 'programming' in 2019.

Yes, it's all brainwashing.

I went to an interview today at a very small insurance company. Everything was going great until I spent some time with one of the account managers I was going to be working with. She made a comment about her daughter playing softball and went on to say “but she’s not a dyke or anything.” This completely turned me off to the company, as I myself am gay.

I believe the company will be sending me a written offer in the next day or so, and I don’t know what reason I should give for turning down their offer. I want to be honest, but I don’t want to burn a bridge, as my field is a very close-knit community. Do I just tell them for “personal reasons” I decline their offer?

it's better google just showing gay support image not gay image in action

> looking for a ZX81 emulator
> the most accurate one is SDL for Mac
> snap for Linux
> alright fine i'll use stupid fucking gay-ass snap
> after fixing snap's fuckups twice it's finally running
> all my ROMs and BIOSes are on my 4TB HDD mounted at /big and symlinked at ~/big
> SDL CAN'T FUCKING SEE EITHER
> "well it supports drag and drop we'll use that" segfault
> "fine i'll put the bios or w/e it wants in ~" not valid, apparently

fucking goddAMMIT

Devrant Drunk Quiz - 3 - 5 points

What do aviophile and Alexander and b2plane and SidTheItGuy have in common?

Is it…

A) They are holocaust deniers
A) They sleep and kiss on anime pillows
A) They are active members of the Westboro Baptist Church

Or…

A) They suck each other off in the bar stall but condom on so not gay

After listening to too many andrew tate podcasts i started getting up very early (to start working) and staying late (to continue working). I am now basically like a robot who lives just to work and do nothing else. I realized as i worked for.... Let me calculate..... 9am till now 1:19am lets round it to 1 so thats 9-1 =8 so 24h-8 =16h a day minimum €& and after bour 10-12h of nonstop work my concentration drastically dropped. I stsrted coding bugs . I couldnt figure out how to debug the most dumbest shit. Dumbest shit stsrted to look like the hardest shit. "happy or not i as a man will do the work anyways"-andrw tate. Fine. I tried it and now i fucked my concentration. Its impossible its humanly not possible you fucking cunt to do this lying fucking fag gay bitch ass shithead tate talking shit all the time while scamming dumb fucktards for 65$ a month on a course. Fuck off. Bitch retard overglorifying himself to create a false image and reality as if he's a superhuman. Hes a big pile of fucking shithole. Garbageman fucking himself of egocentric shithell bet he also gangbang his own asshole and cum dumps into his mouth daily Fuck offf