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25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often
(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))
1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room17 -
A recruiter called me today. I had to barracade myself in the laundry room to hear him, and still needed to ask him to repeat himself 7-8 times. he spoke at what must have been 15% volume with a super thick Indian accent. He also couldn't pronounce a full third of the terms.
Here's how it went.
recruiter: you full-stack dev? what experience?
me: yes, about 8 years, maybe 10.
recruiter: you know C#?
me: no.
recruiter: you know java? tomcat? spring?
me: no, I don't know Java.
recruiter: you know react? angular? apache? node?xml? json? html?
me: yes. yes, angular 1. yes, yes, ...
recruiter: ok, i email you java job posting
me: I don't know java.
recruiter: ok, i email you.
Recruiter used "email java job posting." It wasn't very effective.
Recruiter moves quickly! Recruiter used "did you get my email? email" immediately after. It was super effective! @Root becomes angered!
Recruiter calls.
Recruiter calls.
@Root becomes enraged!
Recruiter calls.
recruiter: what [???] [?] [???] [??] java [???] [??] [???] okay
recruiter: You know C#?
me: No, I still don't know C#.
recruiter: ok thank you for time. 😡 *click*
What just happened?
I really don't understand their species.36 -
The devRant community:
@dfox: Our lord and savior, a rockstar who gets his comments ++'d just for being dfox
@trogus: The designer who lives in the shadow of dfox, but is still beloved
@tisaconundrum: Has 1 ++ for every time someone has tried, and failed, to pronounce his username in their head. (It's a lot)
@letmecode: The most consistently angry rants
@calmyourtities: I see him a lot
@me: I get mentioned every time the google assistant makes the "algo-rhythm" joke
@linux, @linuxxx, and @linuxforfun are linux users.
Continue in the comments!54 -
@dfox can we please add an optional 'vote' option in rants? :D It would be fun to check the preferences of people for different things.
e.g. How do you pronounce 'git'?
1. Git
2. Jit24 -
Remember that question on Stackoverflow: GIF or JIF?
Today, my teacher pronounced Github as Jithub... Now, I know why they asked. No offense, it's just weird for me.12 -
Massachusetts Institute of Technology (@MIT ) should consider giving scholarships to eveyone who can pronounce and spell Massachusetts correctly.6
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"I pronounce GIF like 'if'"
"LISTEN HERE, YOU BETTER START PRONOUNCING IT 'JIF' OR ELSE!!!"
"What gif I don't want to?"6 -
Just had the funniest call from a recruiter where this guy couldn't pronounce c# ("c sharp").
So he was like "Do you know SQL and c...err..c..huh...cough..cough..c...eerrrr".
I let him struggle for a bit and then I went "c sharp?" and he said "I think so".
Quite useless, really.3 -
OK, I've had enough of this bullshit!
Why the hell do some people pronounce 'Z' as 'C' !?!
FUCK THESE PEOPLE!
Now, you might ask yourself: "But how is this tech related?".
WELL... I was trying to get into a server and had someone spell the password for me; AND GUESS WHO MISSPELLED THE PASSWORD THREE FUCKING TIMES SO HE GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE FUCKING SERVER BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT!!!
FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK!!!!!18 -
I started recently working for a big company, and when I say big, I mean really BIG.
Well, my colleagues are from different parts of the world, of course some names are harder to pronounce, so, let's say your name is 'Yagarishmakeshin', well, sometimes is easier(and I used to think friendly) to call you by a shorter name, for this example let's say 'Yag', you know, like Apu form the Simpsons, which is normal I think, people use to call me always by shorter names too and is fine.
Well, yesterday I received a complain from HR saying some people complain about this, it turns out this is offensive or degradating; I was also warned about not calling a girl 'girl', example:
- random girl at my team - So, I created this routine which is very effective and provides good performance
- me - Awesome girl, very cool
Well, Someone complain I call them 'girl' and is not fine.
I cannot tell you how frustrated I feel about this, is like, if you feel uncomfortable with a short name, just say it to me, something like 'Hey I prefer you call me by my full name' or something like that, but nah, you prefer to raise a complain like if I were a fucking predator or something; Also, I cannot retaliate or mention the topic, I need to change and pretend nothing happened.
Fuck you big corporations, and fuck you skinny stupid bitch15 -
Before I finally managed to move out of my parents' place, they nonstop kept annoying me by saying I should get a "real job". They thought I was only playing games or browse random unimportant stuff on the computer...
Nowadays they think I "kreate" websites (as Karlie Kloss would pronounce it).
My mother one time was so fucking annoying about my job, I got so pissed off, I threw in her face her that I earn three times what she gets and I have much more responsibility and brain requiring work and that her single-cell brain would never understand what I am doing the whole fucking day.
Since then we dont talk much about work anymore.
Fucking parents... the best thing that happened to me was moving out of their shitty place and their poisonous attitude.1 -
I can't be the only one who hates it when people pronounce GUI as "gooey". I pronounce the letters. Anyone else?9
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How do you pronounce SQL?
"See for me, I just go my own way and pronounce it as ‘sqwool, or ‘sqwll’, which sometimes gets my coworkers (not db or programming people) calling it ‘Squirrel’. As such we have a custom written utility program which automates running certain SQL commands on various databases which is aptly named SQuirreL. Then we started to have fun with it: The ‘pre-defined’ sets of SQL are held in a ‘.nut’ file which you give to SQuirreL. When you want to see what scripts have been run, you check the SQuirrel’s .log to see what .nut files it has ‘eaten’. We thought about naming the log files .poop, but I felt that was too far. I know right now there’s people reading this cringing, but I say lighten up. My boss when presented with the tool, did not get ANY of the Squirrel/nut references… I mean the tool’s icon was a cartoon squirrel holding an acorn for crying out lout, but I digress.
So yeah, I call it Sqwll or Sqwool, but only when talking to people who don’t matter."
Source, in the comments: http://patorjk.com/blog/2012/...
I doubt this has ever been posted. =)8 -
Excerpts from "Bastard devops from hell" checklist:
- Insistently pronounce git with a soft "G" and refuse to understand people not using that pronunciation, the same goes for jithub, jitlab, jit lfs, jitkraken etc.
- Reject all pull requests not in haiku format, suggest the author needs to be more culturally open minded when offending.
- increment version numbers ONLY based on percentage code changed: Less than 1% patch increment, less than 5% minor increment, more than that major version increment.
- Cycle ALL access keys, personal tokens, connection strings etc. every month "for security reasons"
- invent and only allow usage of your own CI/CD language, for maximum reuse of course. Resist any changes to it after first draft release23 -
"Hey Google define *word*"
>>*Definition of word*
"Hey Google define *struggle to pronounce word while sounding like I have tourette's or I'm having a stroke; get no where close to the accurate pronunciation*"
>>*Gives definition of the word I'm trying to say*
This asshat can understand me stroking out while failing miserably to pronounce a word, but when my southern accent kicks in and fucks with the pronunciation of some words, this thing can't take it? Fucking hell bruh.13 -
So let's get this right: How do you pronounce Linux.
Linnucks or Lineaxe
Was talking to someone today and his 'lineaxe' threw me a lot.21 -
Why do people pronounce char like charcoal when it clearly stands for character? It should be pronounced like car 🤔27
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I've deliberately searched a tonne of tech related stuff so my Google feed shows me tech news, but just because I live in Australia in getting bombarded with shit about the royal family.... I don't give a fuck how you pronounce Louis, I just want news!1
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So we were talking with colleagues about the way french people pronounce the English "th" sound. When someone mentioned the example of "Darth Vader" (pronounced like "Dart" by some people), we imagined his choking gesture to actually be a dart throw.
This was my inspiration for this wallpaper.
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question
Do you pronounce 'sudo' as 'soo-doh' or 'soo-doo'?
I use the former but given it's unabbreviated form, I'm wondering if I should be saying it the other way.17 -
when you click “Pronounce” button on Google Translate the second time, it pronounces things slower. What a genius feature. Clicking it the second time because you didn’t quite catch it the first time seems so obvious in hindsight.
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TIL that Jira comes from Godzilla.
In Japanese, Godzilla is pronounced like Gojira and Jira is just the second half of Gojira.
This also clarifies how to pronounce it.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...3 -
It's the first time I've heard someone pronounce kubectl as kubecuttle....
How hard is it to say kjub-cee-tee-el?12 -
Random, and probably useless, but do most people pronounce Sudo as you would "pseudo" or "sue-dew"?14
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I use to work in companies that have none or one female dev. The guys hired a girl and placed her seat in the farthest corner from the Air Conditioner.
Idiots. All others pleasing her with any stupid request, like "it's hot in here, can I turn on the AC?" and all others say "YES OF COURSE" as they can pronounce those words while drooling.
You know what? She puts the AC in 18 CELCIUS (64 Farenheit, - you're welcome)
I AM RIGHT UNDER THE AC, I'M COMMUTING TO THE OFFICE WITH EXTRA CLOTHING IN SUMMER BECAUSE OF THOSE IDIOTS. I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF OF GETTING A COLD IN SUMMER BECAUSE OF OTHER'S INABILITY TO MANAGE THEIR TESTORONE.4 -
No... like seriously, how do you pronounce Elon Musk child's name?
=> X AE A-XII
I think that kid is fucked!11 -
I'm currently in France and after watching my first YouTube video here, I learnt to import lessons: 1. You can't escape from the udemy ads 2. The French seem to pronounce python (as in the language, obviously) like a French word...22
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That annoying situation when your fellow German school comrades and your programming teacher misspell GUI and Hack.
Instead of JEE-YOU-EYE they spell it as if it is a single word "gui". Instead of the normal way of spelling hack, they pronounce the a in the word hack weirdly. Take the pronunciation of Hackfleisch for example. Cut this word into two words. "Hack" and "Fleisch". Keep "Hack" and throw "Fleisch" away.
And there you go. That's how they spell fucking Hack.
If you take an English word or even an abbreviation, let it be fucking English and not German, you fucking retards!30 -
I can't believe it is real: I just had to talk someone out of calling a navigation point "FAQ User"
Had to admit I'm from Germany and so was the client. It's quiet common people pronounce FAQ as fuck here3 -
The number of people that pronounce 'deprecate' as 'depreciate' is hilarious. I remember when I was one of them!4
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I recently heard someone pronounce SQL as "Sequel". Is that actually the correct pronunciation? Have I been saying it wrong all those years?9
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Funny, I just said to myself "Of course, the developer does it right. anyone else doing it differently is simply wrong" on how to pronounce SQL.
Yet, when it comes to gif, I totally disregard the developer.
I guess I have to either start saying "djiff" or stop thinking that whoever invented something gets to decide it's pronunciation :D2 -
When you pass a subject in one go where you cannot even fucking pronounce terms, symbols and notations in half of the chapters.
Also, just few hours before the exam, I was like, "Fuck this shit lets watch football".
P.S - Physics, the biggest nightmare of any CS student.
(Sorry it might sound a little OT but it had to be posted 😅)
7 -
Anyone ever look at the word "devRant" and pronounce it French in their head?
devRaahnnnnt
lol.. anyway.8 -
Boo-Leen or Boo-Li-An ?
You can say the answer is obvious but i know of people who pronounce either of both.15 -
Whenever I had to pronounce Djikstra's Algorithm. My tongue be like - dijjuuksstrra... Fuck you I am commiting suicide between these teeth.8
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Other than these "recruiting companies" from India who happen to know my name but can't pronounce the city I live in?
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This has nothing to do wiv developing stuff this site was created for. I just wanted to make a short public statement and there really isn't any place else to say it without the idea that some oik would infantalize it and make fun.
It goes under the heading of something like, "Personal Irony: I'm Not Codependent, I'm Just Trying to Help [Myself]!"
In 2016 I created a playlist that included REM's "Let Me In," Michael Stipe's song to Kurt Cobain. And "Head Down", and "Black Hole Sun," by Soundgarden. I have a good singing voice, I think it's a baritone. But those notes at the end of BHS, you know, "Won't you come?" When you sing it, you pronounce the lyric: WOAN CHOO CU-UH-UHM, the "UH-" dropping an octave into "UHM." It's particular to my range that dropping that note requires discipline and concentration. And even then I'd say I've sung it 100 times and nailed it to my satisfaction maybe twice. Anyway, I had these two songs as a playlist in my media player. I listened to them and sang along as quietly as I could, it being four a.m. here in Seattle. And as the final notes of BHS fragmented and skipped back into eternity, I felt like total shit. Not at all normal for me to personally feel the loss of an entertainer, but at that moment I did feel sad. That's it. Thanks for reading this odd little collection of words.1 -
How do you read /pronounce "x +1'd your rant / comment"?
I say masunomeó: más - uno - me - o, no Idk fonetics9 -
I absolutely hate it when people pronounce MySQL as MySequel but I have no problems with people pronouncing SQL server as Sequel Server. It's a weird world.1
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Question time;
Do you guys pronounce the database query language as 'S.Q.L.' or 'See-quel'
Personally hearing the latter makes me want to punch the person saying it right in the throat.
*****edit
Please forgive the pea-roast, didn't check to see if this had been previously asked.13 -
Does anybody really know how to pronounce the popular web-server software "XAMPP" because the internet seems more confused than I am.
I pronounce the word as Samp.
-- I found a video pronouncing it as Shamp:
https://youtu.be/h6DEDm7C37A
-- Found another video pronouncing it as Zamp:
https://youtu.be/S95w1uIeMBU
-- Found yet another video pronouncing it as X-amp:
https://youtu.be/h5LsSE_MFi8
Like what exactly is the real pronunciation?19
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