When you want to contribute but Stackoverflow says "fuck no".

Project manager: I thought you said you made sure it was live today! I'm going to have to explain that you're the main issue with why it isn't live to management!

Me: have you cleared your cache?.... (long silence)

I swear it's the new "have you tried turning it off and then on again".

!rant

I was in a hostel in my high school days.. I was studying commerce back then. Hostel days were the first time I ever used Wi-Fi. But it sucked big time. I'm barely got 5-10Kbps. It was mainly due to overcrowding and download accelerators.

So, I decided to do something about it. After doing some research, I discovered NetCut. And it did help me for my purposes to some extent. But it wasn't enough. I soon discovered that my floor shared the bandwidth with another floor in the hostel, and the only way I could get the 1Mbps was to go to that floor and use NetCut. That was riskier and I was lazy enough to convince myself look for a better solution rather than go to that floor every time I wanted to download something.

My hostel used Netgear's routers back then. I decided to find some way to get into those. I tried the default "admin" and "password", but my hostel's network admin knew better than that. I didn't give up. After searching all night (literally) about how to get into that router, I stumbled upon a blog that gave a brief info about "telnetenable" utility which could be used to access the router from command line. At that time, I knew nothing about telnet or command line. In the beginning I just couldn't get it to work. Then I figured I had to enable telnet from Windows settings. I did that and got a step further. I was now able to get into the router's shell by using default superuser login. But I didn’t know how to get the web access credentials from there. After googling some and a bit of trial and error, I got comfortable using cd, ls and cat commands. I hoped that some file in the router would have the web access credentials stored in cleartext. I spent the next hour just using cat to read every file. Luckily, I stumbled upon NVRAM which is used to store all config details of router. I went through all the output from cat (it was a lot of output) and discovered http_user and http_passwd. I tried that in the web interface and when it worked, my happiness knew no bounds. I literally ran across the floor screaming and shouting.

I knew nothing about hiding my tracks and soon my hostel’s admin found out I was tampering with the router's settings. But I was more than happy to share my discovery with him.

This experience planted a seed inside me and I went on to become the admin next year and eventually switch careers.

So that’s the story of how I met bash.
Thanks for reading!

I'm like...

When you're editing the css of a legacy website

Best part of being a dev?

The perceived ability to fix ANY electronic device owned by friends and family.

"So you work with computers? Any idea what's wrong with my toaster?"

Swaaaag. I've never been happier with a t-shirt. Thanks @jumpshot44!! @dfox too.

1. Promise anything, everything to clients
2. Set unrealistic deadlines
3. Devs can't meet deadlines
4. Blame the devs

Anyone?

CAN WE PLEASE STANDARDIZE THE "REDO" KEYBOARD SHORTCUT?

I don't care if it is Ctrl+Y or Ctrl+Shift+Z. Can we just unify it across all programs?

Woah Google... what's with all the hostility?!

The irony...

I would ike to be @dfox or @trogus. In any job interview just drop the phrase...

I founded devrant...

Hired 😁

Oke so this just happened...

Spent 30 minutes figuring out why the f**k a div was vertically centered within another one.

Apparently margin:auto within a display: flex not only centers horizontally but also vertically.

I remember the days when i spent hours vertically centering sh*t. What universe are we in?

If you are tall and experience back problems like me, give one of those balls that you sit on a try. It costs 15 euros and it solved everything for me. If it doesnt... well... throw it of your balcony and let me know how high it bounced

"Please read attached email trail"

Fuck you.

rm - rf /

Re-deploying to the Apple App Store after making a "minor" change to your app

It must stop...

Do NOT give this rant another vote!

Thousand different browsers

someBoolean = (condition1 && condition2 ) ? true : false;

O.M.G....

Friday night and still coding. sometimes I force myself to go sit on the balcony for a minute to make me not forget about outside...

Fuck you Citrix you piece of shit!

well shit this is in the git history now...

Am I doing it wrong?

Just wondering. Are there any pre-google devs in here to paint a picture how you did your job?

I heard scary thing.
A tester found an issue yesterday. He came to the dev and reported about it. Apparently the only feedback message was "something went wrong". They spend almost an hour hunting down the cause for that. It turned out the error message was from one of the try-catch. I do not know much details apart from that. At the end, the dev lead said this (which he had said before).

"That's why I don't like to catch exception."

I left uni in 2005 clutching my shiny new .NET based degree, and was instantly hired by a local software firm... to maintain their legacy Turbo Pascal systems.

Every time I got a mandatory security question, I type in "go fuck yourself with a cactus". There's only one answer for all of them.

SQL injection holes everywhere... The original author of the product put concatenated SQL queries throughout the whole application. If it's not the client asked for a penetration test, we as developers wouldn't even be given chance to fix this shit.

I'm actually glad to have the chance. I can't live seeing them every day but force myself to ignore them.

Just joined the dark side... and it's good

That pure rage when you're off work for a few days, and return to find that someone has been in one of your magnificently neat code files, and taken a syntactic shit! Loads of unnecessary whitespace, tabs all over the place, and copy/pasted comments that have nothing to do with the code! 😫

Incompetence of people around me drives me mad. I see a piece of shit code and I can’t stop myself from improving it.
Also better developers around me. I need to find out how they’re better and beat them

I just spent a full hour basically telling someone not to use filter as forEach

conversation between me and coworker via slack:

me: why ffs does this class extend this class. Calling it as a static?
me: it's called as a static exclusively throughout the entire project. shouldn't it be moved to a core singleton class?
me: yup, moving it to core
me: thanks for being my rubber duck

Got a gift from my friend. It was from an Indiegogo project. It worked fantastically until it has broken recently.
Although 1 year warranty was promised according to the site, the fact that it's from Indiegogo means that's non existence (I'd say if you actually receive the thing, you're very lucky). So I disassembled it and had a look.
Now I'm thinking maybe I just need to hack my way in to find out what that blown chip is and if I can replace it.
I am also disgusted by the Chinese printed on the IC...

return (this.isBad) ? true: false;

Could people that want a stressbal that badly, just buy one?

Lets say the community grew with 15%. So if your rant first had to be "100 funny" to get 150++, you still need "100 funny" to get 175++.

Conclusion: you don't need to be more funny to get a stressbal. releived?

Besides that, it's free, be grateful

Still getting LinkedIn messages from recruiters who can't offer 1% I'm asking for.

Create value, not work
Can't believe I'm asked to do something that I feel is absolutely worthless
Okay, yes I know I need to get paid...
Let's just say I don't share the vision with whoever came up with these tasks

It's my end of probation and I just got demoted, from originally "Senior dev" to "dev".

My manager found it a bit difficult to tell me but funny enough, I am completely fine with it apart from the little dent on my pay check. Let me talk about the bad first: money. I believe I have been on the lower end of the market pay range anyways so this step-back gives me about 5% cut, which is acceptable and fair enough.

And the good? Quite a bit. When I got this job offer 6 months ago, it was when everything literally went to shit. I was upset with a somehow not so smart but stubborn tech lead and I desperately wanted to quit. Then I got the offer, which even after 2 interviews I still didn't recall it was a job ads for "technical lead". The manager thought I was not there yet but wanted to keep me as a senior dev. Then, this pandemic almost took away this job. My manager brought my case to the CEO and convinced him to keep me, by saying a lot of good things about me (which I think might not be true for the tech side...)

Throughout the whole 6 months I have been working remotely from home. WFH is not new to me, just this time it's very challenging as I was starting a new job. I have been struggling to keep my pace. All people in the team are nice. However if I don't reach out, no one would notice I need help. And with zero knowledge for this job, I got stuck with "I don't know what I don't know". This ranges from company culture, practice, new tech.. everything. So, that's how this 6 months feels long, but also short.

In our review meeting I think my manager finally realise this. Otherwise he would have gone for the "terminate employment" option. Taking away the "senior" title also takes away the expectation of "I should know XYZ", which I don't. I told him I am kinda happy with it because this sets me up for a more comfortable position to catch my breathe. He told me he noticed my improvement along the way. I told him yes I have been putting in efforts but just given the situation it's not as quick as anyone would expect. We're on the same page now.

So compared to my previous job, I got paid less. But in return, I get many more opportunities to expose myself to new tech. I get a good team who are respectful and open-minded. This is exactly what I was looking for and the drive for me to quit my previous job.

Not to mention I got a reality check. This is also an indicator for me starting to become an imposter, which is the thing I despise most in the industry. I don't want people to value me for how many years I have got in my career. I want to prove myself by what I am capable of. If I'm not there, I should and will get there.

And the last thing which I'm not very keen but it's 100% worth mentioning, is that my manager said I should aim for taking the "senior" role back. He said the salary raise is waiting when I get there. But... Let me just take my time.

Wtf... kids coding by google. I cant figure out the shortest route for this last level. Any ideas???

My fellow dev (a younger guy) and I have been having a lot of disagreements with the lead dev (obviously a more experienced, older guy).
We can have arguments with him all day long, to explain and convince him that he's not that right, or not right at all.
Or we can keep silent and wait for shit to happen.
I'm already applying the stfu strategy myself... Because the other way round is exhausting.
At the same time, naturally, I'm looking for opportunities somewhere else. And, naturally, in those job ads, they state "X years of experience".
This further sets me off.
I'm sick of having an argument shut down because someone has X more years of experience, at a higher position, thinks he is better.
I am starting to hate people who boasts his years of experience instead of having the real knowledge and skills to create value.

Just investigating a bug reported by QA. Spoke to the dev responsible for the code, and asked why they'd called a particular function. Their reply:

"Well the function name sounded right. I didn't check what it actually did"

Boss asks us to make sure out documents/instructions to clients are idiot-proof. I am not disagreeing this but usually clients are more idiotic than the most idiotic idiot you can ever imagine...

Just learned that yesterday someone suggested putting the dev team on "workspace", when I was on leave.

My first question, "what the hell is workspace?"
"It's a remote environment..."
Okay I get it. Are you kidding me? Doing development on remote desktop?

My second question, "Why the hell did someone suggest that?"
"We have had issues with devs using MySQL but the target prod will be using PostgreSQL. That caused issues, inconsistencies... And we found some issues after deployment."

Okay so much for DB agnostic. I called it out that everyone now install PostgreSQL on local. Problem solved, hopefully.

Why we had MySQL in the first place? Yes DB agnostic is one of the reason. The other being I'm more familiar with MySQL so it's quicker to perform tasks (like "can you clone that environment for me" and "can you fix the data on XYZ"). But that's trivial.

Just some ridiculous suggestion that set me off.

Generating pdf is hell!!! Its like falling back to 2004 regarding css-compliance

All of a sudden the Macbook Pro power adapter was broken yesterday. Guess how much does it cost just to replace it?

Fuck you Apple. If you're gonna overprice, it make it durable and good quality dammit.

I rebooted a device that everyone uses
It has not come online yet
It's been an hour, and counting...

What a good timing we're all working from home eh?

Is there anyone else who sings what he/she codes when coding alone on a saturday afternoon?

After few years of coding php, I finally REALLY get the mvc pattern. Never gonna write crappy code again.

Customers are so fucking stupid.

You're already on the page with a form with a "password" field and a fucking "save" button. WHY ARE YOU STILL ASKING ME HOW TO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD???

FUCKING STUPID CUSTOMER WHY DON'T YOUR FUCKING KILL YOURSELF???

FUCK!

When the PO asks for a last second code change right before the sprint review, and now it's your turn to demo

This is probably not a popular comment, but here are the reasons I sometimes do not like working from home.

- if I don't get food, the kid starve
- if there's a meeting, the kid decides to play piano
- I have to watch delivered food that needs refrigerated to rot, while I really want to focus on that mudafukin bug
- if misus is not sleeping during the day, there is a 50% chance I smell something burnt in the house

Feel free to add to this list

windows... seriously?

Which of the following can successfully lead a company for digital transformation?

A) CEO
B) CTO
C) Covid19

You can type your code like an angry bitch as if you are gonna smash the fucking keyboard. I can live with that. But please don't knock on the desk every so often. That's just pointless and annoying.

Right now it is 03:47 and i just had a 15 hour workday to be able to make my 1 february deadline.... too bad i missed it by three hours and 47 minutes.
Im broken... good night you guys

!rant: first time building an application on a framework. The view is amazing from up here on these giant's shoulders. Thanks to all of those brilliant people making my life easier.

Okay so my ticket got rejected because the on screen texts are not in the correct case (upper/lower). Totally fair because nowhere in the spec are those texts defined. As a developer I am also responsible for what "makes sense" for the user.

I'm just gonna say this next time I ask for a raise.

Gundam

My LinkedIn is usually pretty quiet. Recently I've received quite a few messages from recruiters. Some of them put numbers in and I look at them, well, the market looks hot.

I like where I am but doesn't hurt to have a look around eh? So I went through some interviews and shit. No preps, not trying to please anyone, being completely honest. And out of the 3 I tried, 1 got to the final round.

Before the final round, the recruiter kept harassing me (it's their job really) about what my "bottom line" is. She said they really liked me but I'm not up to their expectation as a senior role. So they want to proceed with a non-senior role, then climb my ladder up. I told her, I don't give a shit about the title. The she said for that, the salary will be "adjusted" (reads reduced). I told her, look, I said I wouldn't bother if the offer is anything less than X amount of money. Then she said but this company would offer 10% bonus, which will add up , mind you, "close to" X. She said she wanted to know so we don't waste the director's time (as the final round is to meet the bloody director).

I said, if I need to disclose my bottom line before going to this, which is pretty much my negotiation, then let's call it off. No point wasting my time either.

The next day I received the last call from her. They fucked right off.

I know everyone here already knows. But let me experience be another example of how a plague recruiters is. I don't have any experience like this before but this is probably a fucking lowball case too.

It's worth a shot

We have a bunch of legacy applications that runs on Windows only. I'm pretty much the only dev here who doesn't use a Windows machine.

In order to run those applications, I need use remote desktop to a Windows VM.

I use a Mac. And I use a lot of keyboard shortcuts. Case in point, CMD + L to go to the address bar in the browser.

This happens every time when I need to access those applications.

me: *remote desktop to the VM
me: "oh I need to get to the index/landing page"
me: *CMD + L
VM: "I'm locked now"

Fuck timesheet
It's bad enough someone fucking disturb you in the middle of great thoughts. What's worse, you're QUESTIONED where the fuck your time was spent. So you need to work out how much time you have been disturbed, and put in the fucking timesheet!
What a fucking joke! As if we have too much time for meaningful stuff.

//TODO: Make this code great again so Donald would be proud

After working practically non-stop for the past 8 months... im going on vacation. Will you guys watch my last-night-commit for me?

So I removed all the Eclipse crap from the repository (.settings, .project, etc), add those to the .gitignore, commit and push. The next thing happened is my co-worker found that broken his copy of the code as on Eclipse. That's expected. I told him it's justified to get rid of IDE specific stuff from the repo. All he needed is to set up the project again on his Eclipse.
...
...
...
And he didn't know how to do it.
...
...
...
I helped him out. Wasted 15 min. It shouldn't take that long if I did not try to explain along the way.

I feel like fixing printer.

Just realised there is a -- button... Who would be that mean to use it anyway?

Trying to learn Angular and reactjs, reading up the tutorial or documentation...

Why the hell are there ten million more shit I need to look at first? (such as rxjs, Babel, webpack... and whatever the fuck they are)

Now am I supposed to master those ten million tools/libraries before I can proceed?

Of course there is no ten million but mentally it's no difference. I'm just fed up with this.

Anyone else think it would be easier if the ++ was on the right. Makes me think there should be a left and right handed option for apps.

Just got an email from HR asking everyone to put in leave for Christmas by TODAY.
Christmas is like a month away...
Before this email, there is no similar announcement whatsoever informing we have to put in leave by certain date.
It's lucky I checked my email (because I basically ignore it unless someone comes and tells me he's gonna send me something through it). It's luckier I got my Christmas plan sorted.
But... What if I'm still figuring out what to do for Christmas? Is this reasonable?

I went to meet a client with our CTO. In the meeting we discuss the implementation of SAML SSO. Their SSO guys asked whether they need to build 2 trusts for our application because we have 2 modules that use SSO. Both the CTO and I were not sure because we did not have any prior experience of integrating SAML SSO. To act professional, we couldn't say we were not sure. So the CTO said we needed two trusts. I immediately added "We may only need one. Let us do a bit of investigation and confirm."
After the meeting I did the investigation and found out we really only needed one. So I sent out an email to tell the client, cc the CTO. 1 minute later I got the email from the CTO "why tell them one when I said two?". When it's an immediate response with only 1 line, I know I'm in trouble. So I called him and was ready to explain to him. I couldn't. Later I found out the time I was calling him, he was talking about this with the CEO.
I thought maybe I can explain to him when he's available. The next morning as I came to work, the CEO asked me to come to his office. He closed the door, and told me the first line the CTO told him the day before was "I want him (me) fired." I was so shocked. Having been working with the CTO for quite a while, I was surprised he said that without even communicating with me. Did I do something that wrong that you don't even bother to tell me what's wrong? I was not fired because the CEO at least asked what happened. He also understood I was actually making a better technical decision. But well, guess I shouldn't be making a decision when I had no power to. And even I believed the client heard my "let me investigate first" comment, the CTO didn't. I still got an unofficial warning. For that whole day because of the stress, I don't remember getting anything done.
Fuck that acting like profession and smart when you are not. I'd go down the path of becoming professional and smart instead. And fuck metting with clients. I'm a dev don't fucking dare to talk to me and get me fired. If you wanna talk, talk to the big guys who don't make us look bad like I did.
If you ask me today I still believe I haven't done anything wrong there. So fuck everything.

Chances of getting all the bugs fixed before the demo...

"What do you think Abdul? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?"

I fucking hate people who want to "perfect" his shit before push his code. Yes damn right. That means he doesn't fucking push his code until it's too late and his "perfect" shit will break everything. Not to mention the cry face he has when there are shitload of conflicts.

Does it bother you when a co-worker keeps talking on phone all day long and it's not work related? It bothers me.

Google T-rex says thanks all the way from the Netherlands!

user... user... user... USER...USE!!!! why do I always type user when wanting to type user!!! USE!

Worked till 01:30 last night. Now starting monday 😑💤

I wonder...

Does anyone really indent with spaces by themselves? I would not if my IDE didn't do it for me.

Our QA is acting like a customer, or even more... Pushy, demanding, some times rude... you name it

On the flip side, we have a real (cruel) world scenario in testing. Not too bad I think?

Sometimes i would really like caches to be f*ck*d in the arse untill they refresh themselves out of self pity so i dont need to search for the f*ck*ng problem for an hour!!!

Run a script, get a shit load of "Permission denied" error message... So I stop it by pressing Ctrl+C
Look at the script again there is this little line:
rm -rf $TMP_DIR/*

Look into the script again and again, $TMP_DIR is never defined...

started debugging IE10. missing inspect element right away. oh what would i do without chrome....

while(fork())

Most evil thing I have learned...

mvn ... -DskipTests=true

Shut up

End of financial year in Australia
Purchased IntelliJ Ultimate
The cost will be tax deductible
Nice

Go home WebStorm. You are drunk.

Lets reinstall my Linux. Step 1 reformat from Windows 10 in your dule boot system and delete Linux partion. Step 2 boot up in bios.... The first time you do this, is the last time you do this.... I hate grub rescue.

Start-up life be like: you know that DollyPartonSong "working 9 to 5"... yes, sing it in your head... Accurately describes my life... during weekends 😑

Opened a minified css file. Went online and unminified it. Came out to be 12k lines. Coollllll.

!rant

Not sure if it's appropriate here...
I think I am getting more affected by the "depression"... Lower productivity, restless sleeps, etc.
I quoted "depression" because I think it's a medical term that I need to get diagnosed before confirming it. I am thinking maybe I need to see a doctor on this but don't know where to start.
Any Hong Kongers here, sharing the same feel?...

As a developer, how important to you that you have the choice of tools/platforms to do your job?

I've worked on some companies that don't give a damn as long as you get the job done, while some frown upon it because they haven't tried anything other than what they have and are skeptical. Some are completely locked because their products are platform specific so it makes sense for dev to work on the same platform.

Thoughts?

Nothing beats when you move into a new team and your old team message you all the time for those little things they could Google... Did people really think I was that smart??? Maybe some people are better at googling than others...

I find sugar (mostly chocolate) wakes me up better than coffee.

Am I the only one who uninstalls apps only to reinstall them after a few hours?

And then I waste the time to reconfigure those apps once again..

substr, substring and any variants

Confusing af. Added 5-sec of Dev time every time I use them because I have to look up just to make sure.
Why can't they be the same? If they're the same, why are they different?

Oke... I do NOT want to start a war about PHP because i am usually a big fan, but this just blew my mind.

round(null) = 0

HOW DO YOU ROUND NON EXISTENT?

I just found myself reading "stuff" as "shit" all the time.

Just moved my project for the first time from a windows server to Linux. Learned the importance of case-consistency the hard way...

client: can you please give me an estimate for the costs of building an api...
me: ...

I don't know what but our customers have put new terms in our contacts. That essentially make us liable if we don't take certain measure to protect the access to stuff.

To me that means I have to log out of my computer whenever I leave my seat. I was told its not necessary if I go to toilet. So I set the computer to require login after 15 min of not doing shit. Usually I remember that and log out manually so that's just precautions measure.

Today before I got lunch, I forgot. And my boss happened to notice my computer was on within that 15 min after I left.

I got a warning.

Fuck this shit. I now set th timer to 1 min.

Now I need to login again and again if I'm reading docs or article.

Fucking shit.

Isn't it just great when there have been unrealistic deadlines chasing you and you keep missing, every day, for over a year?

Meanwhile this guy on the other team just talks on phone all day long for personal matters, no giving a shit to progress.

Yeah I know it's none of my business. But just get the fuck off my face. The mumbling is so annoying.

And he's also that guy I keep bitching about because of his desk finger drumming and keyboard smashing.

Colleague from a remote office emails me to ask what version of some tooling is installed on a build machine. Generally I wouldn't mind, but for the fact they're literally sat next to said build machine in the remote office. I mean... why get up and look yourself, when you can just IM somebody to look for you... right?

The disappoinment when trying to use column select in other editors and it is not available...

"...what I'm looking at... uh... wait this is ridiculous... what is this... how do I update this..."
This new guy I'm supposed to bring up to speed constantly mumbles like this. He's just talking to himself. But it's so annoying that it's like he's constantly asking me questions.

Im so grateful to all those way more talented devs then myself who helped to build laravel and vue. If anyone here is one, have my sincerest gratitude!

So we're approaching the end of WebStorm license subscription. Got notified about renewal. Then there's this question... Should we

1. not renew, use the fallback version (2018 something) because we don't need that many updates anyway and renew next year to get essentially a 50% off discount, or
2. renew and get the 20% off discount?

Asking for my boss lol

Finding a dev for our dutch team is hard. Our demands are not that big. Can be a junior or senior php guy. Bit of front end required. Any tips? How would you like to be contacted?

I've been seeing job ads saying they look for people who are "good at node.js" or similar (e.g. guru, expert...) What does that mean? I only use npm when I do my reactjs projects. Does that count?

co worker repeatedly knock on his fucking desk like it's nobody's business

The moment when you bring up something that's got quite some positive reviews from dev community (of course from the internet), and devs around you simply dismiss your idea of even trying...

Why do you ask “can you {do this/that}” when “no” is not an option? Why don’t dare dare to say “please {do this/that}”?

Yeah nah I’m still gonna say no. But fuck your hypocrisy too

Learning Spring at the moment... The autowiring thing gives me a lot of WTF moments but I think that's why people love it. Can't find any good tutorial explaining what's under the hood either.

And I don't know why I just have this great idea of "let me make it harder" by switching to IntelliJ from Eclipse at the same time. As if it's not bad enough that I need to produce something useful within a short time...

I wish everything was as simple as mysql

SELECT life;
USE personality;
SHOW achievements ;
\q
Bye

2 weeks of grub rescue, windows 10, Windows xp, Linux mint cinnamon, Linux mint MATE, bios, cmos, squashfs error, debian and unetbootin.... Thanks to rufus and Ubuntu we're now back on track. I've just gone from computer tinker to computer badass B-)

How do you tell someone their code sucks?? Like why dont you indent?? What's wrong with using useful class names? At least chuck a comment in there...

I've been working on a project which has been understaffed (from the beginning, now I know).

All the newly hired guys, who are more experienced than me (in terms of how many years of work experience), use Eclipse.

I use IntelliJ.

I don't think I can make them switch to IntelliJ.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how frustrated should I be?

My biggest revelation of all time: "sentry"

If (method-exists (devrant->rantAboutBreakingUpWithGirlfriend ()){
Echo "This seriously sucks %#$@£¥";
}else {
Return false;
}