My job is so f**king unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.

I can so relate to this, though the scenarios are different. Makes me mad.😾

My cat put a "j" in my code and i spent 2 hours to find it

"hey there is this bug, could you fix it?"
me: sure whats the bug?
*explains the bug*

me:... thats.... thats your feature request from last week

Knock.
Knock.
Knock knock.
Knock knock knock.
Knock knock knock knock knock.

Who's there?

Fibonacci.

1 minute of Thread.sleep() for Tum, the best cat ever. Rest in peace, your memory will live on in my devrant avatar.

So im colorblind and i just recently found out that most IDEs use color syntax and it sounds like such a good idea.

An incident which made a Security Researcher cry
--------------------------------------------------------
I was working on my laptop finishing up my code while waiting for the flight which was late . Meanwhile two guys (I'm gonna call them Fellas) in black suit and shades came to me

Fella : Sir you have to come with us .
Me : *goes along with them*
Fella : Sir please proceed *points towards the door . The room has a round table with some guys discussing something *
Fella 1 : Your passport please
Me : *Hands over the passport*
Fella 1 : Where are you traveling to sir?
Me : India
Fella 1 : Put your laptop in the desk sir.
Me : Sure thing
Fella 2 : What were you doing there? *Taps the power button*
Me : Just finishing up my work .
Fella 1 : Or hacking our systems?
Me : Seriously?
Fella 2 : The password please .
Me : Here you go
*5 minutes have passed and​ he still can't figure out how to use the machine*
Fella 2 : Which Windows is this?
Me : It's Linux
Fella 1 : So you are a hacker .
Me : Nope
Fella 1 : You are using Linux
Me : Does it matters?
Fella 1 : Where do you work?
Me : *I won't mention here but I told him*
Fella 2 : So what do you do there?
Me : I'm a Security Researcher
Fella 1 : What's your work?
Me : I find security holes in their systems .
Fella 1 : That means you are a hacker .
Me : Not at all .
Fella 2 : But they do the same and they use Linux .
Me : You can call me one .
*After 15 minutes of doo-laa-baa-dee-doo-ra-ba-doo amongst them I dunno what they were talking , they shutdown the computer and handed over it to me*
Fella 2 - So you are somewhat like a hacker .
Me - *A bit frustrated* Yes.

##And now the glorious question appeared like an angel from river ##

Can you hack Facebook?
Me - 😭😭😭

Was originally hired for 3 months.

Just finished the project 2 weeks ago, after 1.5 years.

I fucking hate data science now.

after saving up i finally got around to buying my first car 😍

Dear people of Subway, just because i am using cmd, it doesnt mean i am
"Hacking your wifi network" and asking me to stop is rather unneccessary

"You are rude."

Well yeah no shit sherlock, took you like what, 2 years to notice?

My linkedin: "please dont contact me about javascript work"

Every recruiter on linkedin: "hold my beer"

B: you are not even a real developer
Me: ??
B: you are using windows
Me:
Me: what the fucking fuck did you just fucking say you little fuck? Ill have you know i have written at least 4 lines of code, commented once and have a stackoverlfow reputation of -7. I have completed every beginner level udemy course on applied brainfuck mathematics and have worked as a distributed data analyst with excel 03. You are nothing to me, every piece of code i write runs on exactly 3 billion devices and i have an unsuccessful facebook meme page. Bitch.

Murdering 4 innocent children

Why do i even bother

;_;

HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT BITCOIN XD

SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ALL KNOW

I really need a coffee right now

Scaleway status: fucking owned

Wiire-Shark Doo doo doo doo doo
Eating our internet Doo doo doo dooo doo
Why you do this? Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Wireshark.

Imma go with define

I wish i could upload pics wo caption

I can finally have the big white cat because we all know that whites are superi....

I mean thanks for 20k++, ill make sure to be twice as annoying as before.

Just got an email that i dodnt get a job.

But guys... Your 'selection process' took a month. A literal month. I already got an other job 2 weeks ago.

How we initiate new guys...

*inhales*

OVER 3 BILLION DEVICES RUN JAVA

Oh no microsoft is gonna buy github!

Just like they bought xamarin and turned it from a buggy piece of shit into something borderline useful?

Just like they funded canonical so ubuntu could become a distro what any person can use as easily as windows because they had money to actually hire people?

Just like they bought mojang and invested billions in an education platform?

Oh boy whatever will we do...

me, sitting @ college, soldering together a charging cable

someone: oh wow you can do this stuff? i thought you were a computer scientist, not an engineer

me:...
me: yeah i need an engineering degree to wrap duct tape around cables

Goals...

>me on stackoverflow
>a nice question
>i provide a 3 line code with explanation
>comment: 'doesnt work, throws exception'
>i run the code and provide a screenshot that it works
>'doesnt work for me'
>19 line code gets accepted

10/10, would answer again

In a nutshell, i severely underestimated myself, applied to a bunch of places and now they all want to hire me. Oh well.

"Java is slow"

If that is the only reason you can come up with when i ask you why dou you think java is bad, im going to assume youre either a fucking shit programmer or live in the 90s.

Me: cool, i organized all my exams to be the most effective, if i study now, i can relax for a few weeks before i have to move.

Interesting side project: hi

Ah, yes, javascript

>gets new haircut
>
>better update my devrant profile

A small ducky for syntax errors

Felt adventurous and tried out nodejs.

Yall mind if i throw up real fast?

Rants for the next few days:

"Why isnt my favourite language available on a shirt"

New years eve plans:

Partying with friends ✖
Getting wasted ✖
Shooting fireworks ✖
Reading godot documentation ✔

thus my power grows >:)

Real university assignment:

"Write an AI to win this 2player game, restrictions: you cannot save to a file and every turn is a new run of the program."

And then people ask me why do i keep saying university is useless.

open telegram

'hey guys i have a cool idea for a project'

"yeah thats a neat idea lets do it"

we get drunk on the first meeting and completely forget about the project

if you prefer talking over email for some damn reason thEN ANSWER MY FUCKING EMAILS

I will never not post the geek shit i buy here

Please learn the fucking difference between a text editor and an IDE. I dont give a shit aboyt your super duper complex vim package manager supreme deluxe edition ITS STILL A DAMN TEXT EDITOR YOU FUCK.

Throwing rocks at c++ developers

There are good days.

There are bad days.

And there are hacking something together in a legacy html4 jsp tomcat5 webpage with frame inserts days.

Today is the third one.

You know you should sleep when you do stuff like this :/

So there is this thing @ the office that everyone has to bake 50 pancakes once.

Its 2 am, i just got done, i cant cook to save my life.

Guess what.

Its 49.

Oh hey i should go to sleep early and work out in the morning.

Or i could implement those new features for my library ive been thinking about.

Or i could polish up some of my older sites.

....or i could stay up till 3am, reading subtly gay korean comics.

When people say they hate windows but fail to provide any reason when asked

can you put this on the right side when someone scrolls?

*sends a gif of a caterpillar running at 3 fps with sparkles everywhere*

"Your every second word is 'fuck', you really should watch out for that."

Fucking give me a fucking client who doesnt fucking call me at 6am fucking saturday and ill fucking stop swearing.

Gui design is my passion as you can see

I will disregard the fact that our target platform is windows, so sure, newly hired intern, go ahead and use linux if you want, it doesnt really matter.

After that he accomplished 1 day's work in a week because he was googling how to set up linux environments

CHOOSE THE TOOL FOR THE FUCKING JOB YOU DIMWIT

When your half asleep coding

When you are working on a feature and someone else is working on the same thing and you commit at the same time and now you have to resolve conflicts but both versions work

Today i used an empty catch block

me: yo, im kinda low on cash right now, i should save some money and not do any iot projects this month

also me: yo, look at those nfc chips, i got an idea

Ooh this is good.

At my first job, i was hired as a c++ developer. The task seemed easy enough, it was a research and the previous developer died, leaving behind a lot of documentation and some legacy fortran code. Now you might not know, but fortran can be really easily converted to c, and then refactored to c++.

Fine, time to read the docs. The research was on pollen levels, cant really tell more. Mostly advanced maths. I dug through 500+ pages of algebra just to realize, theres no way this would ever work. Okay dont panic, im a data analyst, i can handle this.

Lets take a look at the fortran code, maybe that makes more sense. Turns out it had nothing to do with the task. It looped through some external data i couldnt find anywhere and thats it. Yay.

So i exported everything we had to a csv file, wrote a java program to apply linefit with linear regression and filter out the bad records. After that i spent 2 days in a hot server room, hoping that the old intel xeon wouldnt break down from sending java outputs directly to haskell, but it held on its own.

NEVER PUBLISH INTO PRODUCTION ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON
...
unless you want to work all weekend!

if you ever feel bad or useless about your ability as a programmer, just remember that this is the kinda code i write when im tired

I wanted to look up linus torvalds but didnt remember his name

Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."

Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"

If i see someone post inspirational quotes, i can be sure that person does absolute jackshit.

Lets assume my name is Levi Secondname (half of it is correct)

at my last workplace there was a guy with the same name, in the same office, except he was an ios dev, so when i ordered food i always put 'Android Levi' as the name, otherwise it would get mixed up

you might think that windows updates are painful but this piece of shit has been like this for an hour JUST LET ME FUCKING DEPLOY

Experience with angular2 so far

After 5 (6?) years of using laptops, i was amazed how good of a pc you can get for $300-350

Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.

I knew it !

full stack web development in 2017: mvvm model, api for backend, parsing on frontend

me: <?php echo "<div>hello".$name."</div>" ?>

They'll probably still bother us!

"can you check in your programmings if..."

Yeah "programmings" that voo doo shit those "wizards" do....
Ergh!

at a recent interview:
🕴️ interviewer: are you familiar with PHP?
Jr Me 👶: well I'm currently studying it but I thought this was a front end position? I'm looking to work with js, sass and UI design.
🕴️: Well PHP is frontend and we are working with it in our CMS.
👶:... *Getting weird WordPress flashbacks*.. I think I'll continue looking but thanks for your offer.

Later that day I checked if their websites have wp-login.php and woop de fucking doo... It does.. as well as all their clients sites..

Dodging bullets like the freaking Choose one! Ps. Second time this happens.. gotta start checking this before going to the interview..

Insomnia: yeah, nice cors header
Postman: neat cors header mate

Fetch in browser: where the FUCK is the cors header you retard

What deep learning really is?

im not good at coming up with strings

Okay so
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.

Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.

Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.

Client: is happy

Me: ???

Worst part of being a dev?

The last 10% of a project.

Being in beta, gathering feed back, sorting through opinions and user preferences. All that takes forever compared to the first 90%.

📈🗓❗️❗️❗️

Imma be real with u chief, one more compilation error and im rewriting gcc

i fucking hate svn

myyy preciousssss

👌a fresh start

I want an office cat

Aahh the stickers are here 💚

hey, storing my data doesnt count as spying it seems

Finally, edge for android is out, bye bye firefox :)

Me, whenever i work with something other than java: "Wow, this could be done so much easier with java"

Apt autoremove deemed my desktop gui unnecessary. Guess i'll type then.

"Server deployment is automated from git, so dont merge things into the master branch without permission"
Oh ok
>i create new branch
>push unfinished code because i gotta hurry
>server breaks
Well golly gee seems like you did a shit job at automating

Hi im Bind, i know 2 good programming jokes and 7 thousand that will make you go "meh"

me typing: 40wpm

me: discovers that indian dubstep/goa is a thing

me typing: 150wpm

fucking hell, piss off

>be me
>automating video stuff
>ffmpeg makes it super easy

Thank you ffmpeg

Sitting at home, looking at my facebook friends. Im noticing a trend that all the people getting diplomas are the ones who dont even have a github account.

After not having any caffeine for 2 months, a can of monster hits like a fucking truck.

I think im sick. Not because my whole body hurts, my nose is running and i cant even move, but because i just had the idea that i should unit test my personal project.

Finallyyyy no more assignments, i can work on my own...

Oh wait

I gotta write my thesis

Fuck

Psa: i dont give a shit if you use php but dont you fucking dare echo your shit out to the dom or i will fucking gut you you degenerate

Finally decided to get some stickers for my notebook :D

Whys everyone posting these

Text your girlfriend "send nodes" and post her reaction

We were having a conversation with a bunch of friends and somehow i came up with this

Ps, the data is valid

Hey, i took a look at your code and heres how you could improve your performance!

"No thanks lol it works this way too"

Okay you fucking idiot, thats not how you do normal distribution

"Why are you so mean"

If some yampy bloke ask me bout the origin of my username again imma shove a can of ice cold monster™ energy drink up em ass (: Is it hard to look it up?? (Dont look it up tho, it porn)

So it a funky ass breakbeat/chiptune kinda album. Sod off.

The problem with sqlite is that now i only want to use sqlite

Dont you hate it when you cant see the screen because of the hookah smoke while coding

Its been a few hours, and i was busy with meetings but

THANK Y'ALL FOR 10K ++

I remember wk20something, when i joined devrant. I was just starting a job as a data analyst, and the wk at that time spoke to me on a personal level, so i wrote a quick rant and didnt give it much thought. The next day i opened devrant and had like 100++s and a bunch of comments. Since then ive met a lot of awesome people here and im happy i clicked the install button back then. Thanks cfox and brogus for the opportunity, love ya.

Already got a longboard as a 10k-day gift :^)

I was talking with a guy who is making an android app for his thesis but hes "shitdamn awful in java". I offered to help because im so fucking nice.

"oh but i dont have facebook, is it a problem?"

Nah sure i dont use facebook anyways, got telegram?

"No"

Riot? Irc?

"Nope"

Then what do you use???

"Skype"

?!!?!??!??!!???!??!

Angular: the only fucking place where you have to import a module to use global variables

Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".

And it is easy.

But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.

Wanted to build a quick app, thought would be an hour tops. Lets use react native, why the fuck not.

Now after 4 hours im sitting here, wondering why the fuck did i have the great idea of ever touching rn again.

Some more of Stux's !dev pet peeves

1) Teenagers who comment shit like "I'm from the wrong generation" or "today's music is trash. This is real music" on songs from like the 70s and 80s. Like shut the fuck up. You can like whatever music you want, but your taste in music doesn't make you unique, so just shut the fuck up and listen to the music. I was jamming out to 70s and 80s when I was 9, so you aren't the first to enjoy older music at a young age
2) "Old heads" who comment shit like "this isn't real *genre*" on a new song that isnt like the older version of that genre. News flash: music fucking evolves. Just because that country song doesn't have a twangy guitar in it, that doesn't mean the song ain't country. Just because the rap song ain't some deep ass poetic shit, it doesn't make it any less of a rap song.
3) People who edit their comments on YouTube to say shit like "wow thanks for all the likes, I wasn't expecting this." Wooptie fucking doo. Your comment got a few thousand likes. Fun fact: those likes are meaningless.
4) Humidity. Fuck that shit man.
5) General education classes. They're a fucking pain in the ass man. Like im 98% confident I don't need art history in the real world. Or mythology. "tHeY tEaCh YoU tO lEaRn." Teach me to learn in degree specific classes then. At least their content will be interesting to me.

My name is Stuxnet. Thanks for coming to my TED talk again.

Well im slowly getting there, but i still dont understand why does my wife want me to make her cam...

I just spent 2 hours training a ml5 model with over 200mb of mumble rap lyrics, AMA.

Yes, family member, i surely CAN fix your thermostat

Iphone autocorrect is truly revolutionary. I truly need these super common words to constantly be changed to complete nonsense.

"in" to "inn"
"an" to "available"
"do" to "doo" or "dou"
"and" to "abs", "ABCs"
Many, many others.

It took over 20 corrections to complete this simple thought.

Soft locks several times a week so I have to hard restart it in the middle of doing things.

$3500 for a VR headset? Where do I sign up?

Nobody:

Very stupid people with no github projects who are probably stuck at making wordpress sites: haha ai is just if statements

Just happened to stumble across an indian job offer. They want a fulltime php dev for 20k indian moneys a month. Thats not even $300. Are they... Are they serious or is this just a bad company? Because thats less then what i made with a part time frontend job when i was just a beginner. Is this a trend in india to underpay people by this much?

As we all know, coding stands for

Carlos!
Oy!
Deleting
Internal
Network?
Great.

Hey im a fullstack DEVELOPER, not a fullstack DESIGNER, so dont fucking ask a colorblind person to 'just throw a simple design together, it shouldnt take more than 10 minutes'

Touch my screen, i dare you

I mean go ahead, its a touchscreen, cool, huh?

So there is this programming competition i regularly enter. I dont give a shit about the competition part, its just fun to make something in a limited time. This year, i was kinda hyped that i threw together a modern stack, with Java Spark and VueJS, that would be really cool to use.

Today we got the requirements.

Php and jquery.

Well fuck me for living in 2017 apparently.

!dev

I'm always somewhat pissed off since i don't have a developer job - barely even a tech job. I scan patient charts into pdfs > a server, and that's as complicated as my job description gets. i sit and scan. my computer is (supposed to be) nothing other than a display for managing the scanned charts.

what really killed me though is that one time, we got a new MFC because our old one was, well, obviously broken beyond their patience level. They told me i'd be "Helping".
I got to cut open the box.
whoop dee fucking doo. Tech assist of the century ladies and gents.

That being ine of the worst cases, there's always the times when they talk to their IT guy and never forget to call him an asshole after simply because they don't like it when they don't understand stuff. I've texted him a few times and he's actually very pleasant to talk with and does his job well. just grinds my gears

(and being the IT guy is not available as an alternative. the job is 1. obviously filled, and 2. I installed a word document password bruteforcer, which they in turn told the doctor who told the IT guy and made it sound like i had developed it - of course, this being a pretty professional clinic, he suggested i get fired. so now any hope of me actually doing what I love there is pretty hopelessly out of my reach>

I sit in front of the damn computer all day and i should really go outside.

Man i really wanna have a trip to india but they make you fill out so fuckin many papers to leave the eu that im just too lazy ._.

I just had the shortest interview of my life

Today was my birthday and i spent it debugging smalltalk codes

I typed like 200 lines of c++ code and it ran on first try but i still dont like c++, no

I really wish i was a good designer. Id love to put together attractive frontends with cool and unique ideas.

I also wish i wasnt colorblind.

a haiku about xaml:

oh my fuck, please work
fuck two way data binding
fucking microsoft

hey buddy mate pal friend bro nacho

IF YOU FINISH A TASK NOT ASSIGNED TO YOU THEN FUCKING ASSIGN IT TO YOURSELF SO WE DONT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO DO WHAT YOUVE ALREADY DONE

I just had another shitty idea, yall know cards against humanity. I wanna make a hearthstone-yugioh-CAH -esque game where the cards are all dev-related. Like say [c++] {onSummon: 'shuffle 2 pointer cards into your deck'}. Ill probs start a collab here, dunno, if ya steal my idea then dont be a bitch about it and say so in the comments.

Listening to a song 500 times on repeat because it will take to long to stop what you are doing and hunt for a new playlist/station....

i am so going to embed this into something

Xamarin.forms. True multiplatform* by Microsoft.

*you just have to make sure not to use any of the platform specific features, or write 3 completely different codes

Friend: 'im really anxious, i need a job this summer and i dont know if i can find one with my stack'
Me:'why, whats your stack?'
Friend:'php, mysql, javascript'
Me:'...DUDE'

There are two kinds of people:

1) Those who can extrapolate incomplete data

Im still not convinced i know how to code so i guess im still learning?

"best [distro/ide/laptop/buttplug] for web development?"

So you are.... You are basically asking whats the best for editing text files?

Happy star w-
SHUT THE FUCK UP
...okay

Haters: "Kotlin is going to replace java"

Market: "nah"

:^)

Everytime i see someone listing a shitload of languages, i safely assume that they speak around 2-3 of them fluently. I did some c++ and can write a site in php but they are nowhere near my java knowledge, so i only list them as something i played around with. There is just no way you are fluent in c++, java and javascript because they take half a lifetime to master individually

me: teaching java

student: class Something extends Object

me: ...

me: ......

Me, 2 months ago: "This stack is such an overhead and unneccesarily complicated. The app could be made in like a week with jsp and jquery."
Other guy, 2 months ago: "No, we use Spring and angular2, and these 7 test/automation tools"

Other guy now: "We are nowhere, we havent even completed sprint1"
Me:

Okay christmas is cool but im waiting for january when all hardware will be on sale

*reverts a layout file to the one in git*

*gradle fails, no components found, electricity goes off, office catches fire, the world ends*

I just got a bugreport for an ages old release of a software which was assumed finished. Problem is, i couldnt find the source anywhere.

"hey, could you send me the file so i can check the bug?"
*sends jar file*
"yay im saved"

thanks java, for being easily disassembled 👌😍

Even thinking about using javascript

Bind learning c++ chapter 3

Fuck whoever says that java is easier than c++. If i populate memory i can just fucking clean it out. I have access to the literal fucking stack my code runs on. I can integrate assembly. I can fucking make my program run in -3 seconds for fucks sake, this is so much easier than java where i have to fuck around with scopes to nudge the gc to start cleaning up and i need a separate engine to access jasm code.

It began when I was tasked with creating a better and more engaging experience for our new Facebook page. This was in Facebook's early days, so there were not really any "best practices". We were making it up as we went along. I decided one way would be to game-ify things, since gaming, at the time, was a Big Deal on Facebook and people were starting to use it to build customer funnels.

Grasping for low-hanging fruit, I decided a Tetris variant around our topic would be fun. I had to hire a dev because at the time I was a static HTML web developer just getting into social media management. I knew nothing about game development or how to use Facebook's API for such things.

Long story short, we got about $10,000 (FB app devs came at a premium then) into the project when I came across a very recent article about the history of Tetris games. It said that even though Tetris had once been considered for all intents to be public domain due to it being created by a Russian coder during the Cold War, it had just been acquired by an IP protection entity that was charging royalties for any variant of Tetris created from a specific date onward and paying the original developer. So, even though I thought I had been thorough in my initial permissions checking, it turned out we were gonna be in deep doo-doo with licensing fees and restrictions if we released this game to the public.

I had to call my boss and admit my error. She was FURIOUS and really gave me an ass-chewing over it. I then had to call the marketing person whose budget I'd been slaving away at wasting. She was a bit more forgiving (her budget was in the millions). Then I had to call the corporate legal department and explain what was going on. They told me to immediately pay any outstanding hours, then fire the dev but not before getting him to send me all code and assets, deleting his copy, and then, upon my receipt of those assets, deleting MY copy so that nothing of it ever existed. And I was supposed to say _nothing_ to the dev about why he was being let go, so that there would be no "trail" leading back to this fiasco. (The dev hounded me for weeks asking what he'd done wrong. It killed me that I was bound and gagged by corporate legal and couldn't tell him.)

I was in so much trouble. I was literally in tears over it. I'd never wasted that much money in my life. That incident pretty much sealed my fate as far as any trust my bosses ever put in me again (not much at all). I was a bit of a pariah in a lot of ways for the next 5 years whereas I had come onto the team as a young social media rockstar at first.

After that, and a couple of other bad scenarios that were less my fault and more due to a completely dysfunctional management and reporting structure, they eventually "transferred" me to another team. Which was really just a way of getting rid of me by sending me to a department that was already starting to outsource overseas and lay people off. It was less messy that way. I was in the first set of layoffs.

Since then, I've had a BIG fear of EVER joining a large corporation EVER again. I prefer to work for small businesses now, even if I get paid less. Much less stressful from an office politics and impact of mistakes standpoint.

Sent a cv to a company because facebook threw their ad at my face and i said why not. They emailed me that they would call me today. I dont have a phone. Its not fucking 2007. Call me on matrix or telegram or even skype ffs.

Few days ago i niticed one of my (site) accounts was deleted for inactivity. I thought fuck it, ion use that site, lets have fun. I wrote an email to get it restored:

"Sorry i got ass cancer and it took dr lil pump 2 years to cure me and couldnt use the site from the hospital"

Today, i got an email that i got my account back.

I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.

Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"

Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"

Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)

...when someone hits "Reply All" to the entire company about stupid stuff!

I pressed "update" on windows 10 and its been runn..

Wait nevermind, it finished in about 5 minutes on my old dual core laptop with a 5400rpm hard drive.

[wk200]
Ordered a set of copic markers, they should be here tomorrow. At least this quarantine crap gives me time to draw again after 5 years.

People rant here about how they hate documenting things or writing tests or whatever.

Yes these things are not the most interesting but I have a feeling that we are forgetting about most horrendous of tasks - estimating. Especially in agencies. Especially related to altering legacy features. Especially big projects.

I mean, I'm spending time doing something that is basically dev's Voo Doo, hoping that I will be right... and usually I'm not.

Until you have written ethereum vm hex code by hand, dont talk to me about hard tasks

Wanted to do a 1 hour coding challenge. Thought "hey why not use js this time". 3 hours later, my blood pressure is skyrocketing and i am really bothered by js threading.

im pickle bojack

here to say

fuck heroku's java deployment

Merry 2018 in advance.

If it aint a secret, comment w/ your new years resolution so other lazy fucks can get motivated.

Mine: a 3d game (godot), releasing my data science java libraries, building some kind of robot

Just realized, that after a few months of running my crypto trading algo, i have around 0.1 bitcoin. Started by mining monero in like february, and just traded back and forth afterwards.

I spend so much fucking money on electronics, its getting out of hand at this point.

"Hey, we should switch to xy framework"

(:

no

Throwback to that one time i was working from home

I could mention so many libraries and frameworks but im gonna go with arduino.

"Wtf windows is terrible you dont have a useful terminal"

Me: *installs cygwin*

Hey, my team is attending a hackathon kind of thing tonight. Can you recommend us some interesting php+js stacks?

Battling our contracted IT guys about forcing ESET antivirus onto all of our machines. Just looked at Task Manager to find that it was using 1.6+ GB of RAM on my machine! grrrr !!!!!

I crash my system on purpose because cinnamon's fallback mode is the best desktop environment

Drugs, caffeine abuse and the thought of money.

Aint a rant, but pulsar player has the best fucking implementation of the material design ive ever seen, everything is perfectly flat and still alive aaah

I should be studying but i started working on my last idea (read the rant), will probs post it as a collab once i got something that actually works

Ive been sitting here, trying to do VERY basic shit in angular (hiding elements and api calls), and after downloading 5 additional node modules that break my "build" (its not a fucking build, this is an interpreted language), im confident to say, fuck angular.

Imma be real with youse, i havent been posting shit cause i have a great job with great teammates and great management. Like it a rant that i cant rant but thats a good thig i guess. But ion wanna see devrant community goin down the gutter cause old members r leavin so imma stick around and post stupid shit in the comments as usual. So youse can stop bothering me bout bein inactive hmmm

[corona wk]
Not at all, but i bought an electric scooter so i dont have to take public transport.

Also instead of "bless you" we now say "corona".

Been using the mouse today and now my wrist hurts :/

The past few days ive been looking into angular.

Its a bloated piece of crap. It makes your page twice the fucking size and adds tons of unneccessary code with shit syntax. Whatever you do in angular can be done in a normal language, even fucking vanilla javascript. Stop fucking making unneccessary frameworks for js developers who are too lazy to learn a proper language.

I got an interview on monday but i completely forgot i even applied. They said its java AND c#, so i can guarantee a 50% score i guess.

Can someone explain what the fuck is a namespace while we r at it?

Can anyone tell me why is it good to use some crap language that transpiles to javascript? Yes i hate js too but 90% of my time using reason/ts/elm is just

>ddg how to do x in y
>no answer
>Js.unsafe.eval "js code"

Like???? None of them is a 100% complete wrapper???

Bind learning c++ chapter 2

Did the guy who made this language know how assembly works or did he just guess along the way?

[worst hypothetical dev job]

You know how theres a dedicated person in porn whos job is blowing the actors so they are hard? That, but with writing all the boilerplate code and nothing else.

If you whine about windows updates then i seriously dont know what to tell you.

All my respect goes to sysadmins, ive been trying to hack together a cronjob for tha past 2 hours and its still not working.

>50$ for a display driver

yeah fuck you i'll solder

status update: i still cant fucking solder

you could kill a man with these spikes ffs

Listen new dude, never stop learning.

umm..devrant? hello?

just got a linkedin msg

"Hello, im from a headhunter company, looking for..."

THEY ARENT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE

Moving to a new office this week. The only chinese restaurant nearby is one of those where you get 5 times the amount of rice compared to the meat. Fuck.

The absolute state of open source (this is a facebook repo)

Update came for the cpu thingies. Seems to be fixed because i cant access the cpu registers like before. But damn son it slows the pc down, fuck.

Thinking about switching to a ryzen3.

It doesnt matter that i turned auto-update off, if devrant gets a new version i WILL hear about it. We all will hear about it.

The feeling when your pc runs out of usb ports because of all the different android devices hooked up to it.

Dear rust,

I swear im not going to modify that string, i fucking swear on my life pinky promise, just plEASE LET ME USE IT WITHOUT HAVING TO CLONE.

Sincerely, a functional programmer

Im slowly going from emails like "looking for developers" to "hi, when can you start" and i dont know if i should be happy or worried.

Me: *pushes up code that should stop bad thing from happening*
Bad thing: *doesnt happen for a few hours*

Is..is it good??? Did i fix it????? Or does the thing just randomly not happen right now??????? We will never know.

the workstation is coming along nicely 👍