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Search - "i told you so"
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This is fucking annoying with some clients.
Client calls:
Me: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem*
Me: *tells possible solution*
Client: you sound young, could you connect me to a more senior person?
Me: Sure.
Collegue: Hello, how can I help you?
Client: *explains problem again*
Collegue: *gives same solution as me*
Client: Oh uhm but that's the same solution the boy I had on the phone before you told me.
Collegue: Yeah......?
Client: well he sounded so young...
Collegue: Being young does not equal being inexperienced/less knowing about something.39 -
So, my wife sends me this picture because our car had 111,111 miles on it. Of course she called me a nerd when I told her, "That is awesome because if you ignore the .3 on the trip odometer it is 63 and that in binary is 111111"8
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My morning:
Me: Why did you just delete the failing unit tests?
Intern: I debugged it for a while and found one of the other developers broke it with his recent changes. I couldn't fix it.
Me: Did you let him know he broke it?
Intern: No.
Me: So you just deleted it and decided to pretend the feature isn't broken?
Intern: ... No ... I mean ... well you told us yesterday we needed to have all the tests passing.
(I NEED a stress ball people)30 -
New kid came to me in my break (while I was playing LoL) saying I should start coding (he had no clue what my role within the company is).
Said that if I won't get a career in league, I could just (as if it's done in a few minutes) learn coding and make a website with thousands of users (as if that is just done like 1 2 3).
Then with a big grin on his face he proceeded to say "if you ever have some issues with making websites, I could just come to him and he can teach me the basics of Javascript, HTML, CSS and PHP".
So I said: "and who are you?"
He told me his name and what he is going to do within the company.
So I said with a big grin on my face: "Ah, so you're the new kid the boss told me about, nice to meet you, from today on, I'll be your Senior."
I then saw his big grin disappear
then with a big smile on my face I proceeded to say: "If you ever have some issues, please come to see me and I'll be happy to teach you the basics of Javascript, HTML, PHP and CSS"
Then he walked away :^)26 -
Guy called in because he wanted to get an IP white listed on a server. He wasn't authorized so i told him to send an email from an authorized email address.
He didn't like that very much and asked if another engineer was available (he talked to him more often so he thought that engineer would just do it. We need those kind of requests by email.)
Walked over to my colleague and explained what that client asked for.
'let him send an email!'
Told him i ready told the client that but that the client wanted to talk to him instead.
'sure, connect him through and then come back so you can hear him after i ask him to mail us!'
Connected him through. Client explained the situation.
Then he says with the sweetest voice and a 'get rekt' face: 'could you send me an email about that? 😊'
Let's just say that the client sounded everything but happy xD3 -
So I wrote a code in HTML and js that puts an alert on the screen that says "all of your info is mine now, goodbye" and then redirects you to the nyam cat site
I sent it to some of my friends to have a little laugh but they have sent it to other people and eventually the school principle called me and told me to go to her office and retrieve all the data I stole
I went there and explaind her the prank but she didn't believe me
So she called the programming teacher to check the file
She laughed as hard as I've ever seen anyone laughing and told me to go back to class
It was scary and funny but the thing I've learnt is that it's stupid to prank ignorant people.15 -
I met one of my friend from my childhood he asked me what I do for a living.
I told him : "I am a full stack developer"
He : What does that mean? What you have to do in office?
Me: I write code for websites in very simple words.
He: Like facebook?
Me: yes, exactly.
He: So you work for windows?
Me: What makes you think that?
He: Aren't websites comes with the computer?
Me: I am so unfortunate to meet you.13 -
classmate: Hey, "friend" told me you do freelance website development. right? I need to create a new website and need your help.
Me: umm... OK... what's it about?
Classmate: It's for my dad's friend's business.
Me: OK. but I will charge the standard rate.
classmate: No... I will make it myself. I just want your help.
Me(Internally): ...not again...
Me: Do it yourself then.
Classmate: It will be quick. an hour or two max.
Me: *speechless*
Classmate: And one of my uncle who did IT told me that c++ is faster. can we use that instead of HTML?
Me: huh...?
classmate: you don't know shit.
... classmate walks away...
This guy somehow manages to get As in exams (mostly cheating. and our papers are shitty theory papers which you can mug up. so that helps) and in a year will have an IT degree.56 -
*happily tapping along on my projects while commuting*
Some random kid appears, overly interested in what I'm writing, so I let him look.
Then he goes *snort* do you know why Java threw c out?
No.
*giggles* because c told Java to stop treating women like and objects.
Well, treating them like primitives is no good either.
*kid walks away*
Then I hear: mom. That man ruined my joke, he said treating women like primitives is no good.6 -
It's depressing how true this is
Me: "Tech support, how can I help you?"
Them: " I'm not able to log into the website!"
Me: "Okay, what message is it showing when you try to log in?"
Them: "Sir, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."
Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"
Them: "I don't know what that is!"
Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a mulicolored circle, or..."
Them: "SIR I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO THELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"12 -
Dentist: Did you follow the advice I gave you in our last sitting ?
Me: Sure did!
Dentist: Great, let's see!
*Inspects teeth*
Dentist: Your teeth look horrible.
Me: I did exactly what you advised me to do!
Dentist: You brushed your teeth twice a day every day?
Me: Twice???
Dentist: Yes, I told you to brush before bed and in the morning!
Me: That's exactly what I did! Sometimes it was hard to fulfill both conditions at the same time, so I had to brush twice, but I managed to do it on the other days!
Dentist: Fucking programmers.2 -
Last week:
Client: Hey sometimes when I sent about 20 messages to your app they need a long time to arrive. Why is your app so slow?
Me: We are using Google Cloud Messaging to deliver messages. There is no guarantee when messages arrive.
Client: So such a big company is the fault? And not you? Pls make it faster. Make it always act the same.
Working as a programmer is pain in the ass because the people with the money don't know a shit about anything.
I changed just a fucking useless string.. I deployed the "new version" and I told him I boosted everything.
Today he spoked with my buddy about another thing and he told him by the way the app is now much faster.
..placebo update2 -
If you think you know the most idiot person in the world, you haven't met my brother.
His brain absolutely can't comprehend anything!
He forgot his Roblox password and told me to do something. I said I can't do anything about it. Then he yelled at the top of his lungs saying, "you don't know technology! You're too stupid and selfish. Fix it!"
I said I can't do anything about it. He throws the mouse at me and says, "I never get to have fun. You ruin my life!"
He's not a little kid btw. He's fucking 14.
Today my mom forgot to pay the wifi password, and she thinks its better not to pay it today so it can stop my brother from playing games. (He plays it from morning to night. No homework, no cleaning, no nothing. Just games all day.)
So he told me to fix it. I said I cant. There's nothing I can do. Then he punches my arm really hard. (He's taller and stronger than me so it really hurt) then he threw a shoe and said, "you're useless and stupid! You have your laptop so you can have fun but I never get to have fun. You ruin my life, and I hate you. I hate my life."
Then he ran to mess up my room by tossing things from the self, removing clothes from my closet, and messed up my bed. He pushed my sister, pulled my hair, and ran to his room, slamming the door.
Please. Please someone give him a brain! He desperately needs one. I said I can't fix it, and that my mom has to pay the WiFi bill, but he thinks I'm being mean.
He has the mind of a 5 year old. Dropping to the ground crying.121 -
Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …19 -
Yep. I worked at a place where my director and manager were true mysogynists. One day the director walks behind one of my subordinates and knees her in the back of the knees to make her fall back so that he can catch her. He does this in front the whole office. I told her that I had her back if she chose to complain. We went to our CO and laid everything out, and he was forced to take action. I was pulled aside and told that I would ruin my career if I went durn this path. I told them that it was more important to me to do the right thing. The director was forced to resign, the manager was reassigned to another location, and yes, my career suffered, especially in the area of promotion. But you know what? I'd do it again, because it was the right thing to do.13
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I'd like to extend my heartfelt fuck-you to the following persons:
- The recruiter who told me that at my age I wouldn't find a job anymore: FUCK YOU, I'll send you my 55 birthday's cake candles, you can put all of them in your ass, with light on.
- The Project Manager that after 5 rounds of interviews and technical tests told me I didn't have enough experience for his project: be fucked in an Agile way by all member of your team, standing up, every morning for 15 minutes, and every 2 weeks by all stakeholders.
- The unemployment officer who advised me to take low level jobs, cut my expenses and salary expectations: you can cut your cock and suck it, so you'll stop telling bullshit to people
- The moron that gave me a monster technical assignment on Big Data, which I delivered, and didn't gave me any feedback: shove all your BIG DATA in your ass and open it to external integrations
- the architect who told me I should open my horizons, because I didn't like React: put a reactive mix in your ass and close it, so your shit will explode in your mouth
- the countless recruiter who used my cv to increase their db, offering fake jobs: print all your db on paper and stuff your ass with that, you'll see how big you will be
To all of them, really really fuck you.12 -
this isn't even a tech thing. it just fucking bamboozled me. I overheard a conversation today.
> "duuuude you gotta make a better password that shit is insecure af"
> "bruh i did, i googled it"
> "googled what?"
> "how to make a good password"
> "so how longs your password?"
> "not long, it's bob2"
> "where's your capital?"
> "I made the '2' capital"
> "so you capitalized a number…"
thank god he walked away. he even told him his fucking password. ignorance.10 -
Today my sister told me "bro, I want you to teach me how to program". My gf told me the same some months ago
So proud of my girls 😍11 -
Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!
Dev: You told me to.
Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!
Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.
Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!
Dev: …11 -
Excuse the profuse amount of profanity below.
Fuck this fucking fucked up motherfucker of a fucking director. Money does not make you a fucking decent person, and you come in here and tell me that you pay my fucking measly salary so I must be fucking grateful.
Starts off with a boardroom meeting this morning. Wireless connection on my laptop takes two minutes to connect, I get told that I am wasting company time and that the salary of everyone in the meeting is quite a lot ("with me being the highest"- cuntface director) so stop wasting time. Fuck you man, it's a fucking wireless connection. I am building your motherfucking company applications and doing web design and for what, so I can earn fuckall and be told that I am fucking wasting time. I am presenting your fucking site you wanted, so give me a fucking minute extra to start up the fucking wireless connection.
The fucking mails are taking long to send, great, let's come down and fucking scream at the dev who regrettably said he would try and assist IT (by calling the provider). I literally just got told that I am the following. 1) Fucking stupid 2) He is going to close the dept down because I apparently fuck up (yet again cuntface, your fucking mailserver is NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM) 3) He is going to contact an external company to come and check my work. 4) I am fucking useless. 5) I telling him lies (yeah fuckface, I worked as a sys admin, I know what a motherfucking DNS server is and what it does. you don't - so don't fucking tell me that I am lying when I tell you there is a DNS fucking issue, because you don't know what the fuck you are talking about - to top that off motherfucker, I FUCKING BUILT YOUR FUCKING SERVER AND YOUR FUCKING NETWORK. I FUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS AND WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT).
On top of that, I got pushed out of the way of my own PC, my code got some fucked up gibberish in it (because he was trying to minimise my editor and he typed some in it, and now I have to fucking roll-back. He told me I am wasting company time and he will take my shit away from me if I download something again. It is an open network. I downloaded JAVA and fucking updated Sublime. Jesus man. What the fucking fuck.
"why is your gmail open?!?!" because I was testing your emails from an external network. "DON'T FEED ME BULLSHIT" (even though the top mail states "test"). It's the whole fucking "my money determines my dick size" mentality.
That being said, I got told that I need to work overtime, without pay, to resolve IT's issue, even if I have to on the weekend.
That being said,my new Dell that I had just bought (my own) got thrown on the floor and he fucked out of my office. Stupid motherfucker. I fucking earn nothing but cannot leave. I will find another job, and when I do - you can go and fuck yourself and your fucking degrading opinions. I am not fucking stupid, so fuck you.Fuck your company and fuck you. Cunt.33 -
Dev: Sam’s a little nervous about taking his paid leave. I guess it’s not common in Nigeria. He needs to hear from the company that taking time off like that is acceptable.
HR: THAT’S SO INAPPROPRIATE! YOU CAN’T ASSUME HE’S FRON NIGERIA JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A VERY RICH AND DIVERSE CULTURE, THEY ARE NOT ALL FROM NIGERIA!!!
Dev: Sam is from Nigeria. He told me so. He tells me a lot of stories from there.
HR: …
Dev: Can you tell me something about Sam besides his skin colour?
HR: …
Dev: …13 -
So today I was with my I guess 9-10yo cousin. He was playing clash of clans.
I told him, “you can also make this type of games”.
After this he was stared at me for like 25-30sec his face expression was awesome. Then said “seriously? I thought games are developed on a certain place where all the games are made.”
I said “no anyone can create games if you know how to code and all.”
After that multiple questions was on the way and I answered all for him.
But he totally amazed with this knowledge. And I felt good to.10 -
Real Story:
Manager: You have to add an extra section in the app to show more details.
Me: We are already showing so many unnecessary details. These changes are not required.
Manager: No !! You have to do it.
Me : Ok !!! So why can't we show it in the section where we are showing the other details. Why make a separate section for it.
Manager : No !! It won't be clearly visible to the user. Just do it.
So I added another section to show useless information that we are already showing it f**king everywhere else in the app.
So I released a new apk next day with the added features.
In meeting, our CTO goes through the app and ask manager....
" Why we have added an extra section for showing same details that we are showing everywhere else ???
Who approved this ?? This is nonsense !!! "
Here comes the fun part.
Manager : I don't know. I didn't ask for it. These changes were not there earlier.
And ask me.
"Who told you to make these changes ? "
I am like... F***k man you a***ole told me to do it even when i told you it will be nonsense.12 -
This fucking customer...
I've told that person so many times that they need to FIX THEIR CODE, because it get's pwned all the time.
To make stuff worse - they are still using Debian 5, and we are unable to upgrade because all their shit will break.
I found his fix today - he installed an old version of NGINX because it is "better".
No fuck you.10 -
In may this year, the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands went into effect. Loads of people were against it with the arguments that everyone's privacy was not protected well enough, data gathered through dragnet surveillance might not be discarded quickly after the target data was filtered out and the dragnet surveillance wouldn't be that 'targeted'.
They were put into the 'paranoid' corner mostly and to assure enough support/votes, it was promised that:
- dragnet surveillance would be done as targeted as possible.
- target data would be filtered out soon and data of non-targets would be discarded automatically by systems designed for that (which would have to be out in place ASAP).
- data of non-targets would NOT be analyzed as that would be a major privacy breach.
- dragnet surveillance could only be done if enough proof would be delivered and if the urgency could justify the actions.
A month ago it was already revealed that there has been a relatively (in this context) high amount of cases where special measures (dragnet surveillance/non-target hacking to get to targets and so on) were used when/while there wasn't enough proof or the measures did not justify the urgency.
Privacy activists were anything but happy but this could be improved and the guarantees which were given to assure privacy of innocent people were in place according to the politicians... we'll see how this goes..
Today it was revealed that:
-there are no systems in place for automatic data discarding (data of innocent civilians) and there are hardly any protocols for how to handle not-needed or non-target data.
- in real life, the 'as targeted dragnet as possible' isn't really as targeted as possible. There aren't any/much checks in place to assure that the dragnets are aimed as targeted as possible.
- there isn't really any data filtering which filters out non-targers, mostly everything is analyzed.
Dear Dutch government and intelligence agency; not so kindly to fuck yourself.
Hardly any of the promised checks which made that this law could go through are actually in place (yet).
Fuck you.29 -
3 hours of interview end up asking me
“Are you Chinese”
“Why don’t you look and sound Chinese”
“We only hire Chinese speaking candidate”
After told them that I withdraw my application as they only hire “Chinese speaking candidate” , they started to yell “you not professional , you waste time , I will ban you for life, you quick quick go away.”
So I ended up telling people not to join that company.32 -
Contrary to most people I really love to receive email related to jobs when I'm in holiday. I keep important alerts on.
It's like:
email: ***urgent, server down***
me (sipping mojito by the pool): fuck them. let's them deal with that
email: ***requirements all wrong, must develop the feature again***
me (enjoying a dinner): oh, I told them 100 times!, fuck all of them, work for me now, stupid moron.
email: I destroyed by mistake the db with an update..."
me (dancing like crazy): ahahaha I told you that support guys should not have access to production db, fuckfuck you, fix it yourself!!!
and so on..... I don't know, it just boost my pleasure during holiday.9 -
So WhatsApp introduced number linking (with facebook) to its users a while ago.
I know a lot of people who opted out (this option was introduced by facebook because of european laws) because they didn't want their number linked. They said that it infringed their privacy (or however the fuck you spell that).
A few months later we found out that that checkbox thingy didn't do anything and facebook would link everything anyways. They got a 10 million euro fine I thought.
I found one thingy very disturbing though. Told some friends about the ability to opt out (when the scandal hadn't happened yet) and they did right away.
Then later on the scandal became public.
Told them about that.
'Oh but I don't have anything to hide, it's alright!'.
Jesus fucking christ how deep can people sink?! First you say that you opt out because you don't want your fucking data linked and when the fucking scandal gets public you act like everything is fine because 'you have nothing to hide anyways'.
Fucking hell.50 -
The new IT lady of my previous company told me this:
"Hi, the Internet is not working"
"ok, did you make any recent changes to the router?"
"I didn't touch the router. I removed the switch in between so the internet should still work"
"You removed the switch"
"yeah but I didn't touch the router so what's the problem blah blah blah"
🙄7 -
Last week I almost lost my belief in everything..
A friend of minde, he's currently learning programming (Delphi 😂) in some kind of university, just told me:
"Hey, why do you spend so much time caring about error handling? I just surround all my programs with one try catch block and I never have to think about errors!"
Ehm. No statement needed, right?2 -
The recruiter in call today is a spoilt brat .
I answer him wether am I know PHP. So I show him my code in PHP (oop) I show should him how I build a restful API and connect to MySql etc.
He told me that's not PHP , PHP don't use define and class , and that's not how you connect to MySql (I'm using PDO) he confused that pdo is something from Java. He told my code is not working because it is java syntax (actually not even closed)
Then I asked him then show me the proper way , he showed me his code in PHP which is started by <PHP instead of <?php (this is fucked up)
And I told him that (after looking at his code), he yelled at me that "there's no mistake, do you really understand PHP? " And he ended the meeting
All this happen in a zoom meeting.22 -
As much as I hate sport and love sitting at home at my pc
I'm gonna try to run a bit every day
I mean, it's told to be good for you
(so far, I started running around the "block" 2 times, I don't think it counts as much, but hey, gotta start somewhere)27 -
Okay ... So I was asked by my friend .. why do you put a hashtag infront of C ... It should be #C right?
I told him dude .. the sharper part should always come at the end ...9 -
At my first job, I got tired of having to type a user name and password every time I debugged the web application. Thinking I was clever, I put in a hack so that if you launched the application with the query string "?user=Administrator" it would log you in as the administrator. So much typing saved!
A couple days after the next release, I realized it shipped like that. In absolute horror, I walked into my boss' office, closed the door, and told him the tale of my mistake.
He just looked back at me, and after a moment or two said, "Loose lips sink ships."
And that was it.4 -
My boss last week backed me up with a client. I was working in a production enviorment and the client refused to test the changes made when I told them. So we things started to go wrong and they called to my boss complaning.
He said:
Well you are right. The things are broken but he (me) stayed last night waiting for your response and you didn't gave one. So he is going to work only in the afternoon and you will have to wait.
I must buy a beer for my boss.2 -
When I was in sixth form, I taught my friend how to create empty files using Python. He soon learnt that you could get around the quota enforcer this way.
He was curious to see what would happen if you filled the entire drive to maximum so he ran the code for an ~8TB file. Before he could delete it, he was told to log off. Nobody could save their work and backups weren't performed for 24 hours.
It's safe to say they weren't impressed when they found this.9 -
True Story. Good rant bad pitched.
Just a small information before: In Germany, if you want to be a softdev and want to learn it, you can either go study IT or you can have a apprenticeship, which is 3 years with 75% of work in a company which will pay you (around 1K / month) and 25% in a school.
I work for this city-govermant company nearly 1 year now. Around 6 month into I told them I which to have a intern for 3 years (apprenticeship) at my site. Most likely because I really enjoy to teach.
My boss agreed to this very fast, told me it's a good idea, it would be a new way for our company to evolve. In Feb 2019, when we had interviews with candidates, we decided for one and I made a resource plan for most of 2019 in which I blocked 3 weeks for the start of his apprenticeship in July (2 weeks ago) because I knew he is a kid, 18 years, etc, never coded etc.
7 days into his apprenticeship my boss called me and my boss to her and told me there is a project which should be done by end of june and why it isnt finished.
It was the same project which I had ressources for 4 weeks in June but the department didn't come up with proper feature requests etc. so another department got the time from me. I told my boss exactly this: not my fault that it isn't done, showed her emails, reminders etc.
I also offered her to spend a weekend soon if everything is there now, but she told me: no. It has to be done ASAP. ASAP means, start now, don't stop until its done.
I told here, I have a intern on my site, I blocked the time.
She told me one sentence I will never forget:
"If your intern is blocking this project, he has to go. You decide. Now."
I was so surprised that I didn't even got any word out then "yes, I will start." I was shocked by this words and her decision to quit this young guy.
Just to give a a bit more background: we hired him in Feb 19 for Jul 19. If we would quit him right now, he would most likely not have any chance on the market for another apprenticeship and has to wait for Jul/Aug 20 and 1 year without job, money etc. He even moved to our city for this job...
So I moved back to my desk and today, 2pm, I finished all of the project, nearly 50h+ work done in 5 days, so he can stay.
What the actual fuck...15 -
I got this one from my senior PM, You...go to your seat and get me a software...that would create other Softwares for me...so that I don't need to have explain every time I need something to be built...to people like you...i will use that and build for my own. I told him...Sir you can use an IDE.3
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Few phrases you should not say at Job:
1. That's not my job
2. We've tried that before
3. There's no budget for that
4. I told you so
5. That doesn't follow procedure
Comment if you have more.36 -
It's time for another teacher story. So grab a cup of tea and listen.
We were casually talking about Arduino programming because he told me he teaches this in another class.
Teacher: it's so sad that i can't use my java code on the Arduino. I mean the Arduino uses java so there shouldn't be a problem.
Me: *internal* HOLD THE FUCK ON
Me: you know that the Arduino uses c and not java, do you?
Teacher: but the Arduino can do java commands! How do you explain this!?
Me: because java uses the c-syntax and it's more of a coincidence that they're named the same way?
Teacher: huh. Ok. But C# doesn't use it, am i right?
How can someone this dumb be a programming teacher 🤦6 -
PM: I spoke with x client, they really like x feature and want to continue.
Me: great, I'll let the team know.
PM: Yeah, I told your team already.
Me: Oh. What did they say?
PM: They all told me to tell you first, so you can tell them.
Me: 😏2 -
Do you agree to this rule given by my company ?
"Employees are not allowed to create any sort of library for any language after or during working hours, whether for personal or company projects. As they might somehow expose companies code to the open-source world."
Personally, I created quite much (not that much) of library , I created for fun, today I was told to delete ALL , so those who use my package , Im sorry :(73 -
My college organised some interview with a company, with the whole demn class. We went there, it was quite far away (50km) and the CEO invites us to a meeting room.
Where he bores me for 2 hours talking about their projects in argiculture and NSA like spying systems at tankstations.
They were caputuring license plates at gas stations and with that information gather data about the person, such as salary (by looking at their car), house adres ect. All without people knowing. And than targeting them with specific ads and offers.
The class of sheep were super excited but it pissed me off. Because he told it like it was some awesome advancement in technology that none of us could probably ever do.
He was demeaning us, saying we would do some simple wordpress sites there and other things. We are probably not good enough forc te big stuff.
Asking him some really hard questions about his projects made him so pissed he almost wanted to kick me out.
When it was finally over, there was some test that you have to do if you want to work there. If you were good enough at the test, you could!!!! (YEEY)
Uhm, I said; no thank you I dont want to work here.
Later I talked to my classmate and friend who always thinks he's better then everyone in class even tho he barely understands OOP programming. He was asking me if he should try to get the internship. I told him; dont. They have no value for us and they think they are the greatest company on the planet.
The fucking idiot go so pissed, he stopped talking to me alltogether and blocked me everywere. I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. Just because I gave my FUCKING opinon about a company he likes for no reason.
So this idiot does the test (which was fucking simple btw, I did it too and compared the results and I had 95%) He gets invited for another interview and gets told he will be paid 200 euro's per month 😂. and a free meal everyday!! 😪 hahaha . That doesnt even cover commuting costs!
My "friend" told him that the train costs more every day. You know what the CEO said? "Yeah but you can learn so much here the also brings value and you're just a last year student. But I think you are really brave for asking more"
So in the end, he couldnt take the internship and I was fucking right. Really I hate these kinds of companies thinking they are heaven on earth when they are clearly not.
I am happy I told them no before putting my dignity on thd line.14 -
Got a job as a controls engineer. Told my parents.
Parents: Good Job!
Brother: Bro! How you make so much money?
Me: I went to a tech school and learned how to do technical stuff.
Brother: Oh... fuck that shit!
Everyone was really supportive. Been slowly gravitating from controls to more pure software. But a lot of the software I write is for controls and automation of machines.6 -
after spending a day figuring out why my code does not work, i finally realized someone broke master
then i found myself in the following conversation
jim : "yeah, we found out about it yesterday, i am working on a fix right now"
me : "so why did you not send and email to everyone that master is broken, don't pull changes"?
jim : "hey... someone told me to fix it, so that's what i am doing. that doesn't include sending an email. if you want to, you can send it.. "7 -
!rant
Let's take a moment to appreciate interested and enthousiastic non-developers who really want to learn a programming language.
I am studying Medical IT at my college and most of my classmates aren't coming from an IT background.
We're currently working with Java, PHP, JavaScript and some require Node for their semester projects.
Some of my classmates approach me when they're stuck while coding and I try to teach them as much as possible so they understand what they are doing wrong and how to fix it.
I also show them how they can optimise their code step by step and they love it!
As a classmate told me yesterday:
"It's always so much fun working with you. I come up with a small problem, but I end up learning so much more about programming when solving a problem with you. I appreciate that."
It's a mindset I've learned when I was doing my developer apprenticeship back in the day. One of my colleagues told me: "if they want your help because they need a quick fix, tell them to kiss your ass. If you know they've already tried everything they could and ask you specifically because they want to understand what they are doing wrong, they are future developers with great potential, so go teach them."
May the force be with you, my enthousiastic little non-devs ❤️6 -
So my team lead told me in a code review that you shouldn't use 'else if' in code.
Instead you should best them like:
if
else
if
else
if
else
Apparently that would improve readability...
Am I crazy, or what?18 -
Client: We are tired of having to go only to specific users to get things actioned, we need everyone to be given admin access so that we can get work done efficiently
Dev: Highly do not recommend that *outlines the likely consequences*.
Client: We don’t care, we DEMAND you do this. We’ll make sure everyone is careful.
Dev: Ok but I warned you. Please submit this request in writing.
Client: Ok, not sure why you would need that. I told you everything would be fine.
*Not even two days later*
Client: HELP!!! OUR DATA IS NOW COMPLETELY MESSED UP. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED THIS IT’S AS IF EVERYONE IS RANDOMLY DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT HOWEVER THEY WANT IN ORDER TO SUITE THEIR OWN NEEDS. IT MAKES NO SENSE HOW THIS HAS OCCURRED. I TOLD EVERYONE SPECIFICALLY TO NOT CAUSE ISSUES!!! WE NEED THIS FIXED A.S.A.P!!!!!!
Dev: …6 -
So my friend, who owns a restaurant, asked me over 6 months ago, if i could redesign his homepage. I told him "sure why not" and since we're friends i didn't want him to pay me any money.
He told me what his thoughts about the design were and i told him that i needed the menu, some decent pictures of the restaurant, the "about us" story and the credentials to the server.
He didn't know the credentials to his server and i told him to ask the person, who made that page to send me the information i needed, but he kept on saying "could you call her because blah blah". Well, i did but she couldn't give me that info without asking the owner. So i met him and told him "hey i told you so, because it's completely normal not give sensible information to unknown people and besides that she told me to tell you that you should give her a call, because she hasn't got your new phone number". Two months later i got an email with the credentials, but still no menu and no pictures.
Four days ago i made a transition page, because i didn't want to publish the page with stock images and without menu, so i wrote him again whether he wanted design #1 or #2. Got a text at ~21:00 saying "design 2, but you need to publish it at 22:00".
I mean wtf?! He assured me he would call some people he knows to get those things. I told him, that it would be free, because of our friendship, but no support from him and he keeps stressing?! He knows i've got a full-time job and my studies going on, so my time is really limited and he keeps fking around like that?! Man it pisses me really off...11 -
Surprise surprise, that unrealistic deadline you set even when the engineering team told you that it wasn't going to work has backfired! Maybe you wouldn't be so stressed if you learnt to listen? It's a pretty basic skill, or at least I thought so.
Oh and when you say "we have two options, stay late or work weekends" you have a critical bug in your conditional. Your missing option 3, go the fuck home. Time to enjoy my weekend with friends and family.4 -
Idk if somebody already told you this today, so I'll do it just to be safe.
FUCK JAVA SERVER PAGES
FUCK JAVA SERVER FACES
FUCK JSWING
FUCK JQUERY
AND ESPECIALLY FUCK JQUERY UI
FUCK ALL OF THIS OUTDATED SHIT
I'LL NEVER USE IT AFTER SCHOOL, BECAUSE IT'S SHIT!
Repeat after me
S H I T !11 -
TL;DR Setup computer for new guy @ office, he got mad about software he was missing that we weren't told he needed, so he complained to the director above our department and got us in trouble.
I work for a small company, in which the I.S. Department is 8 people (Manager Included). We do everything from setting up computers and fixing printer problems to writing custom software for in-house use. Kind of a "Renaissance Department" if you will.
So a few weeks ago we were asked to set up a computer for a brand new user, meaning he would need email setup, a domain account, etc. We were also given a (very) small list of programs he would need to do his job. No problemo, took me 30 minutes, and he was good to go.
Last week I met the guy because he was training at the general office and his training computer lacked a few tools. Since I was called to remedy that situation, I introduced myself, told him if he ever had any problems to let me know and I would get him fixed up.
Now today, 5/5/2017, 15 seconds after walking into the door of the department, I am pulled aside by my boss and asked if I setup up the new guys desktop, to which I proudly replied yes. Come to find out the (very) small list of tools we were told he needed was incomplete, so he was missing stuff (how the fuck were we supposed to know that). So what does the new fuck do? HE COMPLAINS TO A DIRECTOR ABOVE OUR DEPARTMENT SAYING THE IT GUYS DIDN'T SETUP HIS COMPUTER PROPERLY! Like holy shit dude, why not send me a fucking email like you did before telling me you needed stuff? I would have GLADLY fucking helped. Now I hope your computer catches on fire. Or you get fired. I'll take either one.2 -
So, I told my new newbies intern; "Please keep remind yourself, not accidently type 'rm -rf /' as root. You don't want to know what going to happen". He nod.
Next day, in the dev server, "Kernal Panic". Human, full of curiosity.6 -
When I left university I got a Graduate Developer role at a local start-up. For the first year there i did html and css, second year I was in the support team.
Not a problem because sometimes you have to eat some shit to get where you want to be. But third year I got moved into the Dev team properly.
A month in, the Support team, without someone with a devs brain and a "devs" knowledge of the product, started falling really far behind and struggling and the MD told me I'd be going back into Support for another 6-12 months. So I told him to fuck off, and if he did I'd just leave. They never did and I stayed. 👍3 -
So I used to do some freelancing in web development last year, nothing too fancy just some simple PHP websites. Comes the worst meeting in my life. So I am from India and we have a lot of long lasting business here being passed on over generations. TL;DR the guy was the owner of a very old business which was actually very huge and the guy was educated too, so I assumed that he'll be sensible as compared to other people.
The meeting was in an expensive cafe and he paid for it, he even told me upfront that meeting is on him. Great, right? So we sit down, order some coffee and then start discussing what he needed.
The guy needed an ecommerce website built with backend and logistics system integrated. We discussed possible designs for the website and stuff too and so far the deal looked promising to both of us.
I explained him the cost estimate and told him that I would email him the final quote from myself once we discussed server cost and shit.
So now comes the bargaining part where he asked me to give him server and domain for free.
At this point, I suspected that he didn't know that servers and domains are not something that you make. You have to purchase and renew them periodically.
So I told that guy that he didn't understand the cost estimation and explained to him that X is the cost of making this fucking thing and Y is its monthly maintenance cost, if he wanted annually could be done too. And this Y did not include server and domain costing.
Now came the fucking tide, the guy straight up turned to his shit and told me I am lying and trying to con him. So I gently asked him if he had ever gotten any website made. To which, he said No, but he knows how the costing works.
I was like "Bitch?". So I calmly tried to explain that that's not how websites are done, delivered and maintained.
He didn't seemed to be understanding and kept on fucking repeating that he knows his shit and blah blah.
At this point, I was like "Okay. Fuck this dude then. I can find another project. " and then I told him that he'll need to find someone according to his needs.
Interestingly enough, the guy called someone and then walked out of the cafe while talking on phone. I waited for 5 minutes and he didn't come back so I decided I would pay for my coffee and leave. Turns out the guy had paid his bill before my arrival and ditched me with the excuse of the call.
But oh well, I think working with such an idiot would have been much worse than paying for that coffee.4 -
Business: We can't approve this code update in QA because we weren't aware of it.
Me: I was told you wanted it.
Business: We'll discuss it next week. Don't do anything on this till then.
Me: Alright. But you said so.
(Week passes)
Business: Why isn't that updated in QA for us to test? You said you were done.
Me: I am done but you said no. (Sends email exchange)
We shall see what happens next.7 -
CEO - So... We'll have a new side project, it's a small thing, I spoke with a guy, he needs just a small thing...
Me - Ok....... So, what do you need me for?
CEO - Not much, this guy started a project but wants your help on a small part, and you already did something similar for us, so it should be fast, just copy and paste and change a little bit. You probably know better than me.
Me - *Sigh* ... So `friend`, what do you need from me?
Friend - So, I made a crawler that is storing some information on a local file, I just need to add multiprocessing and multithreading, a producer-consumer system with a queue so I can automatically add new links every now and then, a failback system, so when a process doesn't finish, it should be re-queued and crawled later, store all the information on a database cluster (that is not set up), [......]
Me - And when is this supposed to be up and running?
Friend - Your CEO told me you could do this by the weekend. Can we finish this by Friday?
Me - *facepalm* FML13 -
I didn't actually realize anyone could be this dumb. Sure, I'd heard stories, but I wasn't sure that I'd ever come across this level of stupidity in the wild. I was moving email across hosting accounts for someone, and I asked them to please navigate to a certain domain. Then they asked what navigate meant, so I told them to please type it into the URL bar. They said "OK." 5 seconds later, they said, "Which one do I click on?" They googled the url. So I asked them to please type it into the URL BAR. Then they asked what that was.
...like what? I just told you this yesterday. How fast does information fall out of your head? Do you forget where your toilet is when you wake up every morning? How do these people even function in society?
-_-8 -
on my first job interview(7 years ago when Android wasn't populer yet) the recruiter was like "so, you know Android?" and I was like "yeah I got 3 months of experience" so he just told me immediately "great, when can you start"
that was the shortest interview in my life so far.3 -
I was 8 years old the boy in the block invited me said I have something to show you. His parents bought him a Macintosh. He typed my name on the black screen and there was a response.
He said look it says “How are you?” And I was mesmerised got so excited I was like wow 😲
Guess what the text was actually saying? syntax error 😂 Little did I know at that time!!
I went home and told my parents, can you believe what I’ve seen today?? Computer responded me talked to me!!
On my birthday I got a Commodore 64 that year and the story begun.2 -
!rant
My work does this contest where they email everyone a puzzle where you have to guess a safety slogan. They give you maybe 1-2 letters in each word and there are about 5 or 6 words. So I found a list of every word in the English language online, I imported it into a database and I ran a few queries to return all possible words for each, depending on the length of the word, and where the letter hints are placed. I haven't missed one puzzle so far. :D
p.s. I told my girlfriend and she said, "I am dating a nerd".6 -
Story time...of how HR actually did its job of taking care of employees.
So, I started at this new gig on December, the boss was all sunshine and promise (big red flag now to think back). Then as time passed, he started seeming...off. To a point I considered quitting my boss just after 2 months of working for him.
Then one morning we had a project meeting. He started verbally abusing me, calling me incompetent, bashing my work (of which he knew ~nothing, his experience 30 years back). Earlier in the week he demanded me to make a presentation which he in this meeting told is complete bullshit without actually reading any of it. He told me 'I am your boss, you do exactly as I say' when I told him something is technologically impossible in the situation we're in. He *actually* told me to break the law with data protection...
This was like wtf dude. That's not how you manage people. So, I made an HR ticket about his behaviour. They were *shocked* and escalated the matter.
Long story short: he was a bully, he's getting fired, my team has a new manager. My workplace actually appreciates my expertise.
Bad thing in this is, now I actually need to continue doing my job. ;_;8 -
So my in-laws got a new computer 😑
Yup you know where this is going. Ok so after I transferred all of their data set them all up etc.
They wanted to use "word" and could I set it up for free for them. I said no Microsoft office is not free you lost your license and disk and your old computer is trashed so the better choice would be Google services . So I explained the value of using Google drive, docs,sheets etc.. today and told them how much better it is everything would be on their Google drive so if I got hit by a bus they could get a new computer again and still have access to their data etc... So they said great and so I did.
Two weeks later... Can you set up word for us on our computer. Me annoyed at this point " sure no problem"
I made a shortcut on their desktop to Google docs. Them: oh boy this is great see John all you have to do is click on google docs to go to word! Thanks so much!
🤫🤓5 -
Worst experience with a higher up?
At an old contract job (around 2013), I was contracted by the company to help guide their developers with me to rewrite their software (it was buggy as shit, they didn't know better.).
So, a month later, we are in the middle of the rewrite and the boss flies in pissed that it's not done yet, he had the audacity to accuse me of stealing contract work with no experience in the area.
I told him flat out, "you don't know what the hell you are talking about. If you didn't hire a JV coding team, you wouldn't need me to redirect your damn rewrite."
He fired me, so I went to his superior and told her the situation. She told me i completely deserved it.
Worse part was I got paid half of my contract. Didnt make that mistake again. 😒😒
Found out later that the company failed, declared bankruptcy. Felt pretty happy.2 -
Holy shit. I'm sitting in my CS class and I just heard someone complaining about the stupid responses they get when they tell people they're a CS major.
I heard a new one that is honestly the most stupid fucking thing ever. She told someone she's a CS major and they replied "Oh so are you taking a lot of chemistry classes or something?"4 -
Manager: *taps dev on shoulder* Hey I noticed a minor bug I think
Dev: Sigh…. So then create a ticket for it
Manager: Can’t you just fix it right now?
Dev: I can but I’m currently working on that other issue you told everyone was “top priority” at the morning status meeting. Should I switch to actioning this minor bug instead?
Manager: Don’t switch just multitask and work faster!
Dev: …8 -
During the interview they asked if I had other interviews or offers. I had one more interview and am offer. They emailed me the next day and say "we don't like to be strong armed". I'm assuming it's because I told them the truth about having an offer? We hadn't even talked about salary yet so it's not like I somehow "bullied" them into giving me more money.
Part of me didn't care because obviously this company was garbage and I dodged a bullet (plus I had an offer that was decent anyways). But the other part of me couldn't believe how fragile they were and how entitled they felt. Why ask the question if you don't want to know the answer? Where I'm at now, I got another offer before they made a decision. I had to decide within a couple days. I told them, and without any further conversation made me an offer 10k above the originally discussed salary. It was clear they were decent and so far I've been right.7 -
I explained my latest project to a non developer friend. I told him I'm almost done with the code, now I just need to debug and get it ready for production.
"Why don't you write code that doesn't have any bugs?"
"Holy shit! I never thought about that! Thank you so much, I'll make sure to write bug free code from now on".10 -
Screw the German Telekom!
I recently got a new home without internet so naturally, I went to an isp, Telekom. I went there a few weeks ago and was pleasantly surprised by the personal and the general competence. He told me they would send a technician to check my cable. So I thought great and went home. 1 A week passes, nobody shows up. I then went back to the shop and asked(someone different). He basically told me that such a service must be specifically asked for and a contract has to be signed. I then told
him his colleague told me no such thing, and that the technician should have checked up on my connection last week. He excuses him self and I signed the thingy.
Now you would imagine that this would have worked.
but.
NOOOoooo.
A week came and went and I got pissed. So I went back to the shop the guy from the first try was there. I Asked what happened, he types in his Computer. and. and. and. nothing. Apparently, the previous guy forgot, fucking forgot, to enter my request to their bloody System.
Now I asked if I can Just become a customer.
Guy: Sure, what speed is available in your region?
Me: I don't know...
Guy: Let me check
/Type/ /Type/
Guy: I can't see your speed the technician should have checked.
Me: Um, so, can he check?
Guy: Clearly you don't know what you want
Me:???
Guy:*leaves table*
(shorten but you get the Idea)
At this point, I really wanted to change isp so I went to Vodafone.
Lady comes up to me asks me a bunch of stuff and I explain I would want to change my phone, internet, tv, mobile and my friends mobile(I lost a bet once ^~^) to Vodafone.
What happened next I can't really explain, but she talked to her boss and "cheated" (how she calls it) on Vodafone and got me an AMAZING deal it is cheaper than Telekoms has waay more mobile data, faster Internet and I got a new phone :D.
And guess what she could fucking check, fucking check from here Computer my max internet speed.
I can only hope that the lady got a big fat commission for what she has done.6 -
Im so fucking pissed. so in my family (im an only child) im the computer expert. but everytime i touch something EVERYONE THINKS IM GOING TO BREAK IT OR TELL ME I DONT KNOW WHAT IM FUCKING DOING. FUCKING EXCUSE ME?
My mother was bitching about her laptop she uses for college about how something was not working and she was on the phone with a guy that told her "Its a JavaScript error and he told me I have to redownload windows" and im just like "MOm THERE IS NOT A DAMN NEED FOR YOU TO REINSTALL AN OPERATING SYSTEM FOR AN ERROR ON YOUR BROWSERS SIDE OR THE WEBSITES SIDE" (i didnt get to see the error)
I pick up the laptop and unplug it and she yells at me because the IT man told her it wouldnt work if she unplugged it. So i told her im done helping her with all her bullshit she can do what she wants. and comes in says it works now and she doesnt know why. then goes out and buys a new laptop bc she cant process moving her files on the cloud or a flashdrive.
my entire fucking family is like this.
S E N D H E L P .7 -
I was about 17 years old had tried wood & metal craftsmanship but never liked it, so I spoke with a counsellor and mentioned I like computers as I play a lot of games.
That counsellor laughed at me ( a shut in that rarely says anything ) and told me I'm too stupid..
Since then, I have scored almost pure top grades without any particular job goal.
But eventually met a good friend who wanted to be a Web developer, so I simply followed the same path and kept on reaping top grades lol.. :)
As Ana says in overwatch, "Never stop fighting for what you believe in."2 -
I had applied a job , where the interviewer told me this "We don't think you are good fit for this company, you don't have proper education. We highly doubt that all the application in your portfolio are coded by you."
I was like :"WTF? I have been develop software for years . what do they mean by the application weren't developed by me? if that's so, how miraculously I have the source code of the application I presented?7 -
(applying to a developer position)
interviewer : So, do you like to code?
me : of course!
interviewer : Are you sure? because this is a developer position and women prefer something more administrative than coding.
me : Wow! nobody told me that before. If I had known I wouldn't have studied this.
didn't expect to be called back after that...7 -
!(!rant)
So I wanted a raise and the only way was becoming a software lead.
With that title you get more money but also more responsibility, so you have the last word in technical decisions, you review architecture, do tech interviews, guide the less experienced, etc. I can handle that, even as introverted as I am.
What nobody told me was that I was going to spend my whole time on fucking meetings, one after another, I have not touched my IDE in days, I hate this shit already.
Careful what you wish for they say, so true, I'm stuck here and I hate my job now, probably going to quit as soon as I recover my life, if ever.4 -
there is another team in our company that has its site in the US. we haven't been working with them for very long, but we do have some common topics on which we work loosely together and exchange some information from time to time. i have met the guys only once in person when they visited Germany.
PM asked one of the devs of this team if he could move to another time zone, so it would be easier for us in Europe to arrange meetings with him.
move to another timezone. within the US. to the other side of the country where there's noone he knows. also, no site of ours.
only so it's easier for PM to arrange fucking meetings with him.
can you believe that? i cringed so hard when PM told me about that. (of course the guy refused, shocked pikachu)
and when he thought aloud that maybe he should ask the guy to move to Germany, i told him that the colleague wouldn't do that and that this was a terrible idea. he was really surprised and asked "hmm, you think?"
dafuq, hell yeah i think?!3 -
QA : There is a bug, come at my desk now !
Me : I'm busy on some feature, can you make an issue on Jira I will fix it later.
QA : NO! It's a major issue
Me : Ok... I come.
* 3 hours later *
QA : I just created you the Jira you asked
Me : I told you, the bug is already fixed since 2 hours
QA : yeah but I will not test it until you mark the issue as done on Jira
.... Are you kidding me ??? So you interrupted me in my work two times for one stupid issue...4 -
I come home pretty tired after a long day of classes and work. I call my family. So this is how it goes:
7-year-old-brother: I want to make a programmable robot. How do you do that?
Me: Who told you about programming?!4 -
I told a Friend I haven't spoken to in a while that I was a programmer. He said "what does that mean? So you choose the programmes we get too see on the TV?" with complete seriousness.3
-
I suddenly realized all the technical debt shit I told my boss would happen years ago given the way things were done/heading then... Just occurred pretty much all at once last week in the form of critical production issues...
The teams like:
-we need real time server process monitoring
-structured logging for apps
-containerization so one app didn't affect others
Me thinking: yes.... I told you so like 3/4 years ago when I first joined the team and kept repeating so much I got tired of saying at every annual review...
This is exactly what happens when you let technical debt grow and have no free time for developers to look into and fix then while they were small and not critical production processes... Or properly document and peer review them... (Got a shit pile of projects that no one knows how to use or even exists because the devs left the team) and they'll have a lot more when I finally leave... Hopefully this year.... If I can find another role and not need another medical procedure... (Doubtful)3 -
so I have a junior who merged in a fix for an issue yesterday, and it was tested today and there was an issue with his "fix".
so he comes to me and says "hey this is an issue" and i'm like "yeah, remember i told you about that yesterday when i tested your changes? why did it get merged?"
so i tell him "its because of <reason> and that's why i specified the approach that i did in the ticket originally"
so he's like "ok i'll try that" and before doing that i leave him with "you will probably want to do <thing> because of <reason> with that approach"
so fast forward to like 10 mins ago. literally half the fucking day has gone by.
"hey, so i can't get this to work"
"yeah its because <reason> but what you /can/ do is <same fucking thing i told him to do this morning>"
"oh ok, ill give that a shot :thumbsup: "
and yet he's had this chip on his shoulder since reviews because he feels like he should have gotten a bigger raise and he's worth more than he's paid. and wonders why after 3 years he still hasn't been promoted from a junior.
and don't fucking say 'that's above my pay grade' all the time like you aren't fairly compensated, and then struggle to employ the same fucking patterns in a code base you've worked with for 3 years now.4 -
I hate when idiots make assumptions without basis. My company so higher up idiots decided not to use Python. I said why they said it’s not scalable. I asked have anyone of you ever wrote micro service which can handle millions request every hours? Have you ever wrote service in Python? Have you ever worked on Python? Architect said but Python doesn’t have type support? I said there is use Python3. He said I want to validate my request payload. I told have you tried form and decorators. I told, I have 8 years experience. I worked in every language and I one has advantage over others depending on situation. Then they said, but we want only Java as finding resources is easy. I said have you checked git Python overtook Java in case resources, you are outdated. I don’t want to leave company but even after so many argument these idiots just dropping Python and because of that I am loosing so many good resources.8
-
You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.
*After I have finally deployed the requested features*
Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.
Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.
Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?
Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.
Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.
Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*4 -
Throwback to when some teenager tried to pay me and my buddy $10 (total, not each) to develop a custom forum website for his ArmaIII video game server, then got mad at me when I told him that's unreasonable
"And I'm already in trouble with my parents for offering you that much so you ought to appreciate it'
Lol ok.5 -
In a morning 'stand up'.. (SM = Scrum Master, PO = Product Owner)
SM: "Sprint item 42399 ... Did you work with Ken on getting the price service ready for deployment?"
Me: "No, I worked with Dave on the service bus queue changes. Its there in the notes"
SM: "Ha ha...no...right there...it reads working with Ken."
Me: "Those are your notes. You re-assigned the ticket to yourself yesterday."
SM: "Oh...um...you told me you were working with Ken when I asked."
Me: "I'm really sorry, I don't remember you asking or me saying anything about changes to the price service. All the documentation I have is for the service bus."
PO: "I'm so confused, Ken was pulled off another project to work on the Price service for you guys."
Me: "I never talked to Ken, I have no idea whats going on. Did you tell Ken he had to make changes to the Price service?"
SM: "No..I never...um...well....yea...this card was blocked and the service needed to be approved and deployed."
Me: "Ken's changes were for the purchasing service two weeks ago and already deployed. The card is already marked as Done"
<PO rubs his face>
PO: "Good god...do I still need to be here?"
Me:"Um...no? Sorry?"
<PO walks out>
Me: "What changes did you tell Ken to make?"
SM: "Whatever the card says...see the price service."
Me: "Scroll down...see..price related to the service bus, not price service."
SM:"Work with Dave on getting this card closed, OK?"
Good fracking grief. Your ego is so brittle and so eager to look like a boss.
I did my job, you fracking kiss ass. I'm fracking sure when you re-assigned the ticket you told my boss you "had to" because I was falling behind in the sprint.3 -
My last to last companies boss.
He was kernal in INDIAN ARMY.
Once customer call me now start using bad words ,I try to stop my self and trying to be a professional person but he was asshole.
So I start using bad words.
Immediately cut his internet connection and cctv connection everything which was in my hand?
I told him to come office.
He was 45 year person ,I was 19 year boy ,he bring some friends to beat me.
My boss got this news ,he immediately come to office n locked my cabin.
Stand infront of them.
N hold customers collars.
Told him that I don't know your background but I was kernal ,I believe in my employ ,he will never crossed his limit until you crossed your.
If you touch him out of office then I will show my power.
Before that he not even asked me any question.14 -
So... remember my first rants about my network at my last ship?
https://devrant.com/rants/2076759/...
https://devrant.com/rants/2076890/...
https://devrant.com/rants/2077084/...
Well... I had to visit them for an unrelated matter and found out that they are to pass general inspection the next week. Among the inspectors is a member of the cyber defence team. I took a quick look at the network, finding the things I'd expect:
- No updates passed to the server or installed since I left
- No antivirus updates since I left
- All certificates were expired
- Most services were shut down or unused
- All security policies were shut down
- Passwords (without expiration now) were written on post-it and stuck on screens
- ... and more!
I told the XO (the same idiot that complained about them CONSTANTLY) and he just shrugged me off and told me to """fix""" it. In one fucking afternoon.
I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.
The new admin there is a low ranking person who hasn't the faintest idea of how this works, and isn't willing to learn, either. They just dumped the duty on him, and he seems not to care. The cyber security inspector is going to have a field day. Or get grey hairs.
I told the XO that I needed at least a week to get them into working order (I have to re-set up my virtual Windows 2012 R2 server, download 2 years' worth of updates, repair 2 years of neglect etc.). The answer was what I expected:
"You know computers, you can do your magic and get it done in an afternoon."
Thank god I got transferred and don't have to answer to that idiot any more. Now, popcorn time, as I watch the fireworks.
Yes, I am a vengeful guy. I have told them, twice now, of what would happen. They didn't listen. At least now, with an official report on their heads, they just might.3 -
This happened like 6-7 years ago when I used to do some logo and Web theme designs as a side job. There was this motel owner client who wanted me to make a website for him . he didn't give me much to go on except some themes he liked and some pictures of the motel. I finished the website on time but of course he didn't like it, he told me that he wanted it to be bluer(?). So I played with the colors a bit and showed it to him a couple days later, but now he didn't like the font that I used he wanted a font that stand out, like those Gotik ones; I politely told him it would not look professional when he refused I told him it would look like a teenage Lamer at Tumblr. After that he settled down for a less idiotic font. I finished the final cuts the next day and went to the motel to setup the website and show him how to use it. After a good hour of teaching him in the ways of the Internet I told him I needed my payment now. But the guy only wanted to pay half of what we agreed upon because I delivered it late and also didn't do his requests. I reminded him, that this is my job I worked hard for this. That he owed me what he promised. His counter argument was That all I do is press some buttons on a keyboard and that I don't know what working hard really means. That was the last drop. You see I usually have somewhat good pr skills but I can only tolerate limited amount of bulls*** at a time. So I deleted the www folder from filezilla and told him to go F*** himself and left. Never been a freelancer ever since2
-
Client: Hey can you get rid of the dark overlay on the image?
Me: It would make the white text unreadable on the images you use so it would not be advised
Day passes
Client: (literally resends the email even though he saw mine) Hey can you get rid of the dark overlay on the image?
Me: (changes it and tell my colleague he's 100% going to ask to change it back) changed it
Client: I made a mistake can you change it back
Me: To colleague, told ya 😂😂😂 🤓🤓4 -
So, there was some project going around universities for online lab and connecting students to learn together. My school saw it as opportunity and I was appointed to make a simple web app doing just that.
T - teacher
First there was the database.
T1: "I think that you can design the tables better"
Me: "This is the most logical way, but sure, I can modify it. Although, T2 told me to do it this way."
T1: "Just do what I said"
And I did.
T2: "Why did you change the design, I gave you the schema, didn't I?"
Oh I was so fucking pissed. I'm skipping classes so I can work on this fucking piece of shit and this is what I get. Two self fucking centered idiots.
I resolved situation somehow, then came the frontend. I was told that the T3 will do it I just have to connect it to my backend, great.
So this so called "Teacher of Web design and development" downloaded fucking bloated bootstrap template with scripts longer than my future. It took 2 minutes to just load the html page from local drive.
I told T2 that I will make design it from scratch and I will try to make it look the same. I finished it somehow. Loaded in seconds, worked superb. First thing T1 told me: "Just roll back the design"
He didn't even listen to what I had to say.
Ohh boii, I fucking lost two months on your piece of shit garbage app, and what I have from it? Fucking bag of dicks. The thing is that I have another year with those pricks.
If this is what the industry is like, you guys deserve a medal.6 -
me: so can i use strlen?
intern: no!! you need it implement it!
me: *calls teacher* hey can i use strlen?
teacher: yeah, do as you please. who told u you can't use it?
me: *points at the other guy*
whoops i think i just got him in trouble today xd sorry not sorry, i want him gone so i can replace him hahaha jk4 -
HR Firms are the worst!!
Just wasted 30 mins of my life.
Interviewer: Tell me about experience.
[ me after talking about various project I have worked on/ build using (js, ruby, React js, git...bla bla bla).
[ 10mins later answering pretty dumb question ]
Interviewer: Do you know about coding?
Me: jeez really, c'mon... is that a question - I just told you about my X years of experience and you asking me if I know how to code?
[Interviewer look at another dumb questions from her list]
Me: You know there are so many different broken links on your websites right? on the landing page there are many links that direct you to the HTML templates.
Interview: thanks...3 -
Oh, I'm sorry if I have spoken during this meeting. I didn't realise I was invited just so I would be told "we're not going into that much detail at this stage of the project". I was just trying to point out that when you mock up any UI, you should take into account the fact that information is hierarchical: more important stuff before less important stuff, you know. Maybe you don't want to swamp the user with buttons all the time. When everything is important, nothing is. But that's just detail. And then the boss says we should create two more incongruent screens and all of the sudden that's a brilliant idea! So then again, sorry. I know exactly where my place is now. You pretend you know what you're doing and I fix it for you.1
-
I already told you that my boss is not a developer. So, when he tells me "that should be easy to code" I always get a little nervous.2
-
I have this amazing idea, said John
I ask John about this amazing idea.
John goes on to say that it will change the world and solve world hunger.
I ask him again, what's your idea?
John says my idea is to 'solve world hunger'! AMAZING RIGHT?
now now John, so you're gonna do it like (provide a few solutions)..
John says yeah that was exactly what my idea was (ah. Fuck you)
So John now is under the delusion that he can solve world hunger and the steps to do it came from his own ostrich-brained imagination...
Tiny fuck doesn't even realize the fact that he plagiarized.
Now we look into the future where I ask John honestly that he should come up with his own idea to solve world hunger and not use mine.
JOHN GETS ANGRY
John asks 'do you actually think that was your idea? We were brainstorming man, I told you we had to solve world hunger and only because of my voice did I spark that idea in you, I created that idea man'
So, well since he's plagiarized so much I told him that I had this plan to perform a hunger strike in the grand Canyon to get some attention..
Fidgety little bitch found another idea to steal and he was like good idea!! I'm booking my flight to the Grand Canyon now!
What bout me I ask? He says man take some rest let me face the pressure (and the glory apparently)
Well, John did not return.
Poor stupid John did not realize that I had been joking and got his little ass fired under the direct sun in the grand canyon
Moral of the story :
I WILL DESTROY YOUR HOMES AND YOUR LIVES PLAGIARISTS, I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU *cough**cough*
Damn that Sulphur hexafluoride actually worked!8 -
And so I have ranted earlier about how a panelist during my thesis defense told me that my algorithm is not an algorithm because it needs mathematical equations to be called an algorithm. I also told you guys that I facepalmed during the course of the interrogation.
Now I failed my thesis because I facepalmed. I quit school because of that but now I'm a better career person than him. I already started my freelance team and earning more than double his salary and he's still suck at being a low quality professor.7 -
BOSS allowed a last minute change that apparently was barely tested to be merged right before the last release of the year...
BOOM!!!
Me: ... I told you so....1 -
Had a configure issue on a site running through CloudFlare hosted at WPEngine. Support on chat guy says "can I take a look at your setup" so I screenshot him! He says they're are new ways to point to WPEngine whilst using SSL so I say OK and he points me to a support article which seems accurate. He then says now I want you to change two records so I say ok (not thinking) which I do (stupidly)
Result site no longer reachable.
What do I do now? He says very seriously "you need to wait 24-48 hours for the DNS to propogate"
"Your joking it's a huge site with 20k visitors per day with advertisers on it"
"I'm sorry there is nothing I can do until the DNS YOU changed has propagated"
"I changed?" "Yes you changed the CloudFlare settings"
"You told me to!"
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"7 -
Isn't it just nice to throw away hours of work because you were given wrong requirements?
I worked late last night to finish a project with an incoming deadline, and for what? That's right, for fucking nothing. Hours wasted. Just because I was told the form was to be submitted to an endpoint that I would receive later on.
Turns out that what I actually need to do is embed some form from a third-party service. So the form that I already implemented (with styles and logic) isn't needed. What's worst, I have to redo all the styles to match this embed form.
Thank you so much for that. 🖕Never again will I work late. I should have known better by now... -
So, I told my programmer friend to bring food for us while you are out.
He has still not came, Should I be worried ?2 -
fuck you!!! i discovered that trick months ago and told you about it so many fucking times you piece of shit dont take credit!!!1
-
some people are fucking idiots.
i remember one time - i made a website which ended up having a slightly major security flaw.
the big isnt the point though. this guy told me to just "write secure code."
i consequently told him, "how about you go fuck yourself?"
well, he was a painter, so i then told him "maybe you should fucking draw better," and promptly left.
well, here i present what that would be like if other people were told shit like that.
depressed person - "just be happy"
teacher - "just make your students smarter"
homosexual - "just like the opposite sex"
presidential candidate - "just win the election"
homeless person - "just get a house"
idiot - "just stop being my client" (sorry had to vent)
well you get the idea.
devs should be treated as functioning members of society.12 -
Episode 2 of this rant: https://devrant.io/rants/851636/...
PM went to meet with the provider and came back, so I had a talk with the PM and it went like this:
Me: so how did the meeting go? Hope they corporate with you
PM: *in a sarcastic voice* Bro, you need be a good dev, they told me only a good dev can implement Master Card API calls, and its all in the docs. That's all they told me, so you should know how the meeting went
Me: *there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail* Fine bro, I'll go back to school and come back after 12 years.
Seriously when I send the provider the request and the body and all they tell me is: You have an error, Id must be unique but they fail to point out the exact error or at least send me a valid ID to test, how does this make me the bad dev and him the genius that can run Apple, Google, MS all together at once!
What is even worse, when I called the provider he told me: Man transaction ID must always be unique, how could you not know this, how is Mastercard supposed to differentiate between transactions!!
But hey, no one told me transaction id must be unique, primary keys are never unique, like DUH!10 -
I had the opportunity today to FINALLY say "I told you so" to a coworker. It was such a cathartic experience, I'm still basking in the afterglow.4
-
so another java!=javascript rant…
so an inexperienced friend of mine was having a conversation with me, and he was using the words java and javascript synonymously (meaning he thought they were the same thing).
so, i corrected him.
“you know javascript isn’t the same as java though.”
“oh, it’s not? ok then.”
and we went about our day.
three days later he was talking to me again, and we were talking about new web backends, and, as you might have guessed, golang came up.
he then said “i was talking with a noob to programming, and he thought go and golang were the same. i sure told him!”
🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️6 -
Damn senior guy from storage background worked for a big company, he wants to learn git and so I told him to install git from git scm portal.
Well he did and came back saying its not working. I wondered thats not possible to curiousity I when to.his desk and found he was using fucking windows xp sp3 on his laptop.
I told him can you install windows 10
Well he tried but his fucking hardware doesnt support.
Wondered seriously why on earth this guy still using windows xp7 -
Grandma: so how do I scan that thingy in order to comnect to the wifi?
Me: I already told you that's something that you have to do only once. Just turn on wifi and it'll connect automatically
G: But I already turned it on and it's not connecting. Now tell me how to scan that again
Me: Are you sure that you did?
G: Yes
*Checks*
Me: It's disabled...
*enables wifi*
G: Oh, thanks, it's working now.
Literally every time she wants her phone to connect to the wifi.2 -
Got an email in response to an internship application asking "if you can just complete a coding challenge within next 24 hours thanks". They also wanted to me to setup a phone interview today or tomorrow. As if they expected everyone to drop everything with no explanation.
Told them I'm busy but can get started on Sunday, and was told they have assessment centres next week so it can't wait. No real apology.
I didn't set the date for the assessment centre, this is your fuckup. You have to at least feign respect when you ask for a day of my time with less than a week's notice. Been through too many bad interviews to waste my time on a company that doesn't have its shit together and/or doesn't respect interns.
Idk, maybe I overreacted. Thoughts?4 -
Follow-up.
After getting fired last week, I went to the company today to take my papers, then the security guard asked for my government ID and refused to let me go the 5th floor to HR office, apparently because they had a meeting, then they had me waiting 20 minutes in the ground floor at the reception and when I asked if I could go to the bathroom he came in to the elevator with me and waited for me to get out to escort me back, I was so fucking furious by this point I just had it and told him who gave you the orders to take my gov ID and escort me everywhere like I'm a fucking maniac or a thief? Are you afraid of me breaking chairs or destroying offices or you think I'm gonna kill someone?
He then told me sorry sir but it's the orders, then I went to HR office and complained and called for the manager and she just came out with a bunch of BS, uhh I'm so sorry sometimes security can be a bit rude and what not.
SO YOU FUCKING MORONS THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER BE COMING TO THIS FUCKING COMPANY AND YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE ONE GOOD IMPRESSION FOR 30 MINUTES? HOLY SHIT!!!
Never in my life have I seen such incompetence, I just kept getting shocked to the last minute. -
My ass of a supervisor threw yet another bomb my way.
He basically said I would fire you if I could, but I don't have a valid reason, however I will not give a good grade for your dissertation because you don't do exactly what I told you. (not exact words, that was just the gist)
So I need to start looking for a new supervisor and a new department. He is not letting or helping me grow. I can't be under this fucking much stress, do this much fucking work and stay sane.
Gonna go cry now. Bye.21 -
Wake up, it's 1983...
Node? React? Copilot? Programming Socks? Furries?
Man, I told you to not drink so much the last night, now wash your face and grab a coffee, you have a program for the VAX-11 to finish.9 -
After designing the new server architecture for our software and the security to go with it, the boss decides we should ask our provider’s solutions architects to see if it is okay, they came back and said it all looks good apart from one part which my manager did and I always said was bad practice.
-
Shit Project Managers say.. to my coworker when I'm not there :
"Hey do you think she's working hard enough ?..I don't know, she has only made 2 commits in the past week so.. "
Fortunately my coworker defended me and told me after but yeah.. As if you could measure efforts and work in development by counting lines of code, fuck-tard.5 -
I'm gonna decline the next time someone asks me "hop in chat with them" to discuss their stackoverflow problem.
I'd already given my two cents about the problem in question and I thought something was unclear about that so I say okay what the hell, made a chat room and invited him in.
Him: So I have this OTHER problem with [insert JS plugin]
Me: ... I don't know enough about it. I've used that specific plugin maybe once. The question I offered you my help with was PHP.
Him: Yeah but can you take a look really quick?
Me: I'd have to reread the documentation. I literally don't remember how to use it.
Him: No problem, here's the documentation. I want to do X, Y and Z.
Me: I don't think you can X without doing A and B first.
Him: I was told not to do A, so how can I do X, Y and Z?
Fucking hell I'm not gonna do your job for you. You know english. There is documentation available. Just read it and at least try things.2 -
* Yesterday:*
PM: Yes, so, could you please do those changes on this page tomorrow by 3 pm and push to prod?
Me: Yeah sure! Noted :) (task is to "untick" a checkbox in a page's settings on our CMS)
* the next day -- 11 am *
PM: erm yes so please can you do the changes I told you about, it's getting urgent and you didn't start it already and it stresses the hell out of me because today is friday and it needs to be up and running fine for Monday 12pm and you don't work on weekend so I'd like yo-
Me:2 -
RETARD MASTER: So how did you feel about this sprint DEV?
*nothing is planned, new tickets added each day and old ones removed - inconsistent sprint*
DEV: Well, it’s a bit chaotic, but it’s understandable. I’m used to it. Nothing’s to blame here. Client can’t produce their end of the bargain on time.
*3 week later*
DEV MANAGER: So RETARD MASTER gave a feedback. He told me you insulted him.
DEV: Can I please die now? Not funny.12 -
So this guy is asking for help but his ego is too high. What happened was his code raised a ""Trying to get property 'result' of non-object"" error so I told him that the data type is not declared. He still not get it. Like in personal message he asked me wether I know php because he is the founder of some cloud service in php, and I know all about php.
I was like if you know php so well, why cant you realise that $result is not declared?4 -
Me: Boss you told me to come and talk to you regarding my performance on Monday but you went on leave.
Boss: I said that out of frustration. I forgot that you have already resigned so no use saying anything to you.
Me: 😂😂😂
Related Rant
https://devrant.com/rants/1527062/...2 -
10 PM (after a very busy working day), CTO calls me and tells me: "We decided to hand in the new version to [random client] one week earlier, so they can test it."
Me: "I don't think is a good idea, the app is still unstable, we started working in it yesterday, it *will* crash"
CTO: "Don't you worry, at least they know we are working on it"
20 minutes later
CTO: "WTF why did you make my app crash?! I can't send this to a client!"
Told you. That is why that code is on develop and not on master. -
In some other rant I told @rusty-hacker about the "not a MacBook" I use for work (and play), but apparently you can't attach an image to a comment, so I thought I'd post this here.15
-
I hate the old people in my company. FUCK THEM!
First I'm telling you a bit about me, so my story makes sense. I'm currently employed as IT-Tecnician in a Helpdesk as 1st & 2nd Level Supporter. I'm working for the current company since 2 years and already sweat too much Blood and Tears for the Old farts.
Now to the Story:
I'm currently planing to make a three year study as IT-Business Engineer, because I was orginally a Real Estate and Account Manager. That is the highest schoolar degree I can currently get in IT with my background. After that I would get the pass for BSc or CAS.
Two years ago when I took the Job I told them, that I would like to start my study in the next two years. Back then they agreed and told me, they will support me.
After that I got a very good reputation in the company and also took part in projects, coded plugins and evaluated requierments for programms. I got still payd with a low Supporter income for my work.
In february this year I told them I want to start my study in May. They boss told me I should do a way lower degree for two years and go into infastructur segment. I told him that my wished degree would be higher and also include infrastructur. Boss told me, that I will need to prostpone my study a third time to autumn.
The reality is, that they want to underpay me as supporter and keep me without a degree. I should keep working on projects, which a high degree tecnician does and gets better payd. In everyway thats unfair and just a hit into my gut. They try to ruin my career and keep me cheap.
The joke is, the boss is over 50 years old and is egostic as fuck. He just wants to profit from my knowledge and wont pay me for it.
I already got the knowledge and just need to have a higher IT degree, so I get payd a fair sum for my work.
My only option is to quit the company or stay as a lowly supporter.
Even my other coworkers asked me, why I'm still a supporter with my knowledge. When I told them my story, they all shugg there heads and told me, I should get the degree.7 -
He told me to "calm down".
...
I said to him: "If it weren't you, I'd have hit you." (slowly, with the most serious voice...)
I hate this fucking sentence so damn much...!
"Just calm down..." - "BAM HEADSHOT! GO DIE!"... 🤔5 -
Have I ever told you guys of the time that I had made my PM feel bad by saying I had to drop 3 classes because he was working me so hard?
Yeah that happened and he felt really bad about it!
GOOD! FUCKING GOOD! I want you to feel bad about it! Don't you dare say that I'm not putting in enough work ever again!1 -
Building on my last rant, a friend told me that resizing the partition caused the blocks to be no longer aligned, whatever tf that meant. So i adjusted the partition table and reboo—-
Grub: OHAI THERE, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE A GRUB RECOVERY SHELL? NO? WELL FUCK YOU BECAUSE HELP ISNT A VALID COMMAND HERE. FIGURE. IT. OUT.10 -
Not really a programming story... but a story about how programmers problem solve in real life.
Mods, sort me out if I'm out of line. Anyway, here goes.
So, my wife and I are arguing about whether or not the garage has insulated walls.
"It doesn't have insulated walls", I say, "I've been up in the rafters and their's no insulation there, so there's probably none in the walls."
"Well, why can't you just check", my better half responds, "You could just punch a hole in the wall to see."
Me, taking about 300ms to process this statement. Looks over, and punches a hole in the wall.
"See, no insulation!!!" I say triumphantly.
"What. The. Fuck. Did you just punch a hole in the wall for???"
deerinheadlights.gif
"Um, because you told me to?"
"Well I didn't mean to use your hand, I meant to get a small drill so the hole wouldn't be enormous."
"Well you didn't say "get a small drill", you said "punch"!
And as a laid down to sleep, on the couch, that night I still insist she told me to do it. And while I patched that hole, I still thought it was her fault. And to this day I still think it's her fault.
You cannot give a programmer these vague instructions and expect appropriate results.5 -
Well SO blocked me from asking any more questions. Which is BS because I went back and edited my questions as I was told to.
Ohh well, I figured I would just make a new account. So I logged out. Put in a new email. Filled out all the forms confirmed my email and then I see "You cannot ask questions" WTH? Appentally it cached my browser, so when I signed back up it linked my two accounts together..
Well, looks like I'm making a new email..6 -
During a code review I was told that
if(x and y){
if(z){}
}
Will be slower to run than
if(x and y and z){}
I mean if you want to talk about programming practices and uniform code yes absolutely but any compiler will treat these identically, not to mention the assembly being identical. She was a superior though so I just went along with it.10 -
Went to the mall with mom the other day,
Mum: so what do you want?
Me: (pointing to stress ball) that ball
Mum: stop embarrassing us, are you a kid?
Me: they are stress balls
Mum: take a pill or exercise if you stressed
My mind: I told you not to go the mall with your, fucking kid....
devrant a ni**a really need them stress balls9 -
So a friend of mine is starting to learn PHP and HTML and he tells me:
"I wrote some code in HTML but I can't run it through the browser"
I'm not brave enough to tell him you can't "run" HTML
But later, he told me "so now i'm writing PHP just to understand how it works, but don't want to install the program to run PHP"
How the fuck you gonna learn?
I already know I'm gonna have to build what he wants to do :/ at least a couple thousand euros incoming :D2 -
I just got a phone call from "Microsoft" because there are Trojans on my pc. The broken English (and the content of the call) told me that it was scam, but I wanted to have my fun, so I continued the call.
After I told them that I am on my Computer, I was forwarded to an "expert", and now the funny part starts 😁
Scammer: you have your keyboard in front of you??
Me: yes
S: you see the strg, control ctrl button on the bottom left
M: yes *rly?*
S: what button. Is next to it?
M: fn
S: ...
M: ... *XD*
S: and next to it?
M: that's the windows button
S: ok, press that button along with 'r'
M: ok
S: what do you see?
M: *telling him what I see on my GERMAN pc*
S: ok, type 'eventvwr' *spelling it like hell*
I did so. Just while this spelling I could have hit my head on the desk... It was hilarious
He navigates me to the error and warnings and tells me that those are Trojans 😂 and that this is the reason some programs (especially my antivirus software) aren't running properly.
Well I told him that those aren't Trojans and that all my programs are running properly. I don't know if that was the reason, he stopped the call, but I wasn't able to connect to their 'headserver'.
In the end I am sad that I wasn't able to f*ck him up more. Maybe I would have been able to get some more information about their company to kick their *****.
Next time I will be (more) prepared7 -
This just happened to me, a few minutes ago:
Colleague: Could you please call xyz and ask how we can administer their server and ask about the bug?
Me: Sure, gonna do this after lunch.
[...]
Me: So I called xyz, and we're now able so ssh into the machine to administer stuff [...] and they'll check the bug.
Colleague: Oh yeah great, I called xyz a hour ago and we're all set didn't they tell you?
Me: No, they didn't.. (YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT!)
Colleague: Oh an what about the bug?
Me: ...
It's totally fine if you're going to do it yourself but WHY dou you WASTE MY TIME? You could've told me that you already called them! 🤬1 -
Oh booy...
Once i worked with a classmate
Explaining to him what he has to WRITE IN THE CODE to do it. So i was dictating him...
On the start i told him "now write an int called num1 and then of course end with semicolon"
To which he replied"whats is int and semicolon"
I didnt hang up but if you want to see the sequence +1 the rant4 -
I have a new Job as a full stack developer, so Im here to tell my story, you see,I told my boss today that im quitting,
Which he replies by telling me to wait, to see if he can get the CTO to pay me more,
now the CTO sais, "HE IS ONLY A BACK END DEVELOPER, HE'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, I THING WE ARE PAYING HIM MORE THAN ENOUGH" So I said fuck him and left :D4 -
Really?
Far far away in a small startup, one developer was brave enough to try to fix the beautiful iOS application (hmm, nothing fancy just a broken, patched and served behind a wrapper).
To do so our hero needs, of course, a testing iOS device.
So the guy went searching for the testing device and asked around, then he returned to his desk shocked when I asked him what happened the guy told me literally:
- "Can you believe it? The boss gave the testing device to his fiancée"
and now guys you know why bugs in startup application take a while to fix :/1 -
I was trying to understand the source code of aircrack-ng which is written in C today.
Suddenly I saw sth strange !
WTF !! what is #ifdef ??? I've never seen that before !
So I told myself : hey ! You have to download a complete C programming course!
so I did , but when I skimmed through the titles , again:
WTF ! I know all of them! So why the fuck I could not fully understand the code ? Where can I find anything I missed ?
So... I'm asking U :)14 -
So, my crush told me how she lost her 800+ bookmarks related to her very crucial project (She isn't into computers). I told her she could recover them and I'll help her with the steps. She was so paranoid about losing the rest of the project if something were to go wrong while recovering.
Bookmarks got recovered. She's happy.( I just took the bookmarks.bak file from the chrome folder and converted it to an html doc.)
4 days later-
Her: dude, what the fuck did you do. The whole system has been reset. The whole project is gone. Fucking know-it-all. She thinks I'm responsible for the system restore.
- - - - - -
She's going to HATE me for life 😭. What did i ever do to you, you Microsoft Developers 😔. Why you do this.29 -
As some of you may remember about 5 months ago I bought a Lenovo laptop, it had some hardware faults so I got a new one and it had the same faults the store didn't want to offer me a new Lenovo laptop.
I was told to pick a laptop from a selection and today the store is trying to push the product away saying they can't do a thing.
Tonight I'm meeting with a lawyer because the fight has begun.8 -
When you miss a deadline you knew you were going to miss since the beginning of the project.
Feels good! -
Soooooo had 2 phone screenings with 2 different recruiters.
So all was going well with the first call until she asks me about certain technology, and I'm a little confused as to how she was working it, so I asked, "do you mean....?". And her reply was....,"I don't know, I guess. That's what's written down here." I seriously almost hung up the phone!! 🤣🤣🤣
The second one was worst! This genius had the bright idea to call me from...wait for it....HOME! I mean all I heard was brats in the background and they kept destructing her. She's like ," so how long have u been-- Billy! Get down off that, NOW! Sorry about that." I'm thinking, "what the hell?"(only seconds into the call) She continues, "So what's your favorite lang-I told u to get off that! Hold on..." phone goes silent.... "Hello, I'm so sorry...." Asked me more programing questions few seconds later..."I thought I told you-------" phone drops! At this point I'm trying to hold my laughter in. She gets back on. "Sorry, dropped my phone. Well, I think that's all the questions I had, did you have any for me?" "Really?" I'm thinking. "Nooooope" I say.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was having somewhat of a crappy day, I needed that.5 -
I don't need you to reiterate what the problem is. I am aware. I was the one who told you what the problem is. Via email and Slack. Why do you keep restating it to me like you are the one who figured out? I know the table isn't syncing with the third party object. I'm trying to figure out WHY. No amount of "I'm pretty sure the sync process is broken" will trigger a solution. Stop coming into my office every 5 minutes with a new "revelation" that wasn't even your own. This isn't my code, and since the owner of said code is not here to fix it, I have to spend some time figuring out how this damn thing works. SO PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME WORK SO I CAN FIX THIS2
-
I have always believed that clean code is readable code, and if your code is readable, then it shouldn't require masses of comments to explain it. However, in the course I am being taught, we are being told that in programming, comments are massively important to help another developer understand your code and what it does. So what is the consensus of the dev community?
Do you feel comments are key, or redundant if your code is written well?20 -
This happen to me once when I was a young kid walking home from school.
There were two other guys with me, older than me. They were talking to each other about programming languages. I have been programming from a very young age so I knew a lot about programming and I knew a few languages back then, but they were taking about Java, a language which I wasn't into yet back then, so I just listened for a while to what they had to say.
The first guy told the other, "You know I'm great at Java." The other guy responded "I can do anything in Java." Then I said as a joke "Oh, can you do hello world?". The guy said "Hello what? What do you mean?" The other guy said. "Is that a retro game?" I just laughed. Then I told them to go learn how to output text in Java.
A bit of current history about these guys:
The first now works in C# for a quiz test company, he never learned Java or languages other than C#. The second one owns and works at a scrapyard. They are both great guys, but they like to brag.3 -
Battling our contracted IT guys about forcing ESET antivirus onto all of our machines. Just looked at Task Manager to find that it was using 1.6+ GB of RAM on my machine! grrrr !!!!!7
-
So last night a friend randomly found a raw not-yet-installed WordPress instance on a public domain that he found on a Facebook site (it was already linked for I don't know how long, but just not installed).
He told me about it and, being the guy I am, I signed up an account on some free MySQL hosting website, set up a database and used it for that WordPress site.
I then left a kind little note on the front page for the admin telling him that I just saved his ass since others could've done the same but posted racist shit or something and, also, told him not to use WordPress.
Even though I had no bad intentions, I used proxies and VPN connectsions because you never know how these people might react.
Hopefully they'll learn from it 😇 -
Other staff: I’m having trouble logging in to website A. My password doesn’t work.
[Me thinking: That’s weird. When I set up your account, the password worked. I told you to change it. So maybe you forgot your new password. We haven’t changed anything to about the login process.]
Me: I reset your password. [sends new password]
Other Staff: The new password doesn’t work. But I can log in with Google.
Me: 😶 Website A does not have sign in with Google. What website are you actually on???10 -
Yesterday I found a Fridge on Amazin which you plug into your USB Port. I really liked the product so I told my friend about it. Unfortunately she doesnt know shit about tech😂. First I had to explain what a fucking USB Port is!!! A USB Port!After an hour of explaining she thought that the fridge is for cooling a USB Port. FML😂😂10
-
About a month ago told the director we need our own broadband line instead of sharing the crappy one from the shared office building as we rely on internet for all our systems. He said no because we'd have to pay for it and the shared one is free.
Today the shared internet has gone down and all our systems are inaccessible including the phones. I'm just sat here like "told you so", and there is nothing I can do as have no control of it 👍6 -
I'm told that a worker can't clock into work on his phone because he does something different from his fellow employees. So I go to him to ask hey what do you need in order to clock in.
"Oh well I do something different from everyone"
Yeah I know I'm trying to get it so you can clock in on the phone as well what do you clock into.
"Well the other guys can clock into things on the phone you should ask them if you want to know how to clock into on the phone. I do different jobs then them"
Yes I know, what do you different so I can add it to the phone clock in app?
"What I do isn't on the phone you can't clock into it on there you have to clock into it here."
Would it be unprofessional to strangle him?3 -
So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...
Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.
So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...
Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.2 -
Ok, so one of the oldest guy is leaving from my company (on a good note) and he was involved in multiple things in our organization. From having access to almost everything (AWS, Github and owning multiple projects and our legacy code). I am supposed to take KTof one project and man THE CODE IS MESS. YOU DONT PUT A RANDOM NUMBER WHILE CALLING A FUNCTION. You are supposed to define a constant and use that. I've told my manager that I need at least 1 week just to improve logging.2
-
Super angry and thought I would let it out here, even though its not related to coding.
So we had an assignment at school "Make a 10 minutes long radio report about montreal".
I teamed up with a "friend" and two gals.
First of all everything was fine.
but then, the "friend", last sunday, told me to translate 22 pages until the monday after and invited himself to my house. Those 22 pages, he should have written in english, but because hes too bad he didnt and wanted me to translate em. Even worse: He fought me with bad arguments and by swearing me in order not to have to do it in english.
So he invited himself and his gf to my home to work on that. I didnt want that, so I told em we could mee up in the school.
But then, he continued to annoy me with making me to translate them as fast as possible, he told me how he didnt believe in the excuse I made for not being able to invite them.
SO I just scrapped the meeting, without telling them, I didnt answer on the phone.
Now, hes super salty and wants me to do everything. LITTERALLY!
I have about 40h of work in front of me because he made many bad desicions.
What do you think?
Is he correct with that? Should I have gone to that meeting?
Have I made an error?18 -
*meeting on Monday*
Client: so I've got this project I want you to do, it's simple right?
Me: seems so
Client: so I'll pay you this much because it's so simple
Me: uhhhhhhhh
Underpaying client: I also told my higher ups that you'd be done by Friday you can do that yeah
Me: ..................2 -
So I my boss told me about an interview ha had for a new account manager position.
${BOSS} so can you tell me about your knowledge with DNS and DHCP?
${GIRL} I have no idea, I dont listen to West Coast rap
${BOSS} ...5 -
Am I the only one who felt so fuckedup when someone told you about React Native or similar after working with pure Android and so? 🤔
Image related? Kappa.12 -
Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"
Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."
Client A: "Meaning?"
Me: "You have to pay more."
*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*
Client A: "I don't understand."
Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....3 -
A little backstory first I was doing a project which had 2 phases for a class about databases. We worked in groups of 4. My group was with some friends of mine so I thought everything was going to be well divided and easy. Was I so fucking wrong. One of them always told me he was going to work but then did nothing, the other went on a vacation and I thought the third one had died. I had to single handedly write a story about the database, the clients requirements, design the conceptual logical and physical models and write a report of about 50 pages alone while balancing my other work. When I delivered this first phase one of them told me that he was sorry and he would do everything in the second phase. My dumb ass thought well maybe he had his reasons so I let it go. I waited like 2 weeks before starting to work on this because I was waiting for him to do something. A week before delivery he asked me for the initial database (which I had already put up on github) so he could start doing stuff. I told him I had already done it he said he would do the report conclusion. I waited and you know what happened. When I delivered the second project I snapped and told him he could go fuck himself. He told me that he didnt have internet at home (our home) but I knew he was at a mutual friends house playing on the ps4. I talked with him and said he should think about his fucking life because I know if somebody asked anything about databases he would know fuck all. After telling him he was worthless and that I would never be in a project with him again, I didnt talk with him for a while and I still talk about it (and I'm still pissed) with other friends who had similar experiences.2
-
I've had my share of "Hey you know computers, right?".
When I was getting my degree I drove a taxi on the weekends.
My boss calls me:
"Hey, my laptop is acting weird, could you have a look?"
Curious; I ask what it's doing.
"There's a pair of sunglasses covering the entire screen. Maybe it's a bra, I don't know."
Wtf?
When I left the taxi at his house, I had a look. I start the computer, Windows boots up, and sure enough, it looks like a pair of sunglasses is covering the screen, kind of.
I also notice a crack in the screen from top to bottom.
"So what kind of virus is this?!"
He felt stupid when I told him what the problem was. I ordered a new screen and replaced it for him and told him not to sit on his laptop again. 😜3 -
I'm so happy to have quit my current job. Just a few weeks to go. To see my colleague take weeks for an task I would have done in a day or two, gives me enough satisfaction to stop carrying him in front of our boss. Just hearing him say "I haven't done this before" Yeah it's not like I told you over and over how it works for two years.4
-
So my friend was copying a 32 character long hash string from one phone to another because he has the banking app in one phone and registered mobile number in the other phone...
So, I was waiting when he was halfway done... The I said, bro... you could have sent that text as message from Phone1 to Phone2.... His facial expression was unexpressable. I could have told in the begining but I am a devil. 😈 -
During a period when devs had been told "The board has been promised that we are improving quality, so you must not do anything but write unit tests", I wrote a unit test that compares the number of system colors in .NET to a constant. It's still running today (a couple of years later).
-
So once in school, I went to my CS lab to find my friend cursing under his breath. On asking him, he tells me that he can't figure out how to print his code in BlueJ(our school requires us to use BlueJ). So I told him to download another IDE and use that instead. He had a look of bewilderment in his eyes and asked me what an IDE is. He was absolutely shocked to learn that you could write Java programs elsewhere.
P.S This was our fourth year of Java4 -
I am 15 and just last month I told my client to stop breaching the contract and honor your word like a man over whatsapp. He just ignored it like a pussy so I told him over a phone call, "you have 2 options, either 1) you pay me and honor your word or 2) I will sue your ass" and hung up. 3 days had passed and I was getting fed up of that twat, plus school was starting soon. I called him up and told him he is fired and that he can keep his shitty idea and shove it up his ass. I hung up and since then I haven't heard or seen the wanker. Life has been great since then😝😎😜!17
-
Almost a year and a half. I was so overworked and my failures were so impactful. I would go home and obsess over work all evening and have fever dreams on nights that I could sleep. It was so mentally painful that I was going to jump off a building after a few drinks to make it stop. A military turned civilian doctor told me that I showed symptoms like soldiers in prolonged conflict. He told me “quit or it will kill you” without even knowing about the suicide stuff. So I quit the job and to this day still suffer flashbacks and have crazy mood swings.
Burnout is real. Dangerous stress is real.4 -
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown* -
I do not understand people who critique Python for using indentation to mark code blcoks. I've seen multiple posts being like "Uhh in Python a missing space breaks everything and it's so hard to find it". Yeah so hard when the interpreter throws a parse error and tells you exactly which line it's on. Let me go back to a bracefest language, misplace a brace halfway through the file, and get told there's a syntax error at the end, and spend a whole two minutes finding it.11
-
Sigh OK, so, my friend we'll call him z has told me he's visiting the deep Web with tor. So I immediately start asking him about what security he uses (which is 3 VPNs tired through each other).
Like no z! You don't go to the deep Web, that's where the bad things happen! 😡8 -
I've been trying to get my job to start using Git cause they currently don't use any version control. So today I told my supervisor that I was going to set us up our server so we can host our own repositories and he was like no need we will just set your computer up so you can vpn in from home. I'm like wtf? why go through so much trouble to set that up? That still doesn't solve the problem of accidental file overwriting.-_-3
-
1 Week ago I took down the development version of an internal demo, leaving only the prod one (temporary space issue). Colleagues were told n+15 times via email, face to face, comments on tickets etc. The prod one has also been live for weeks, and again, they were told when it went up.
This just happened:
Colleague 1: practiseSafeHex can you help me, the demo doesn't seem to be working.
Me: *logs in*, *click around* ... seems fine dude. Are you using the correct URL: <prod-url>.
Colleague 1: let me try again and see.
Colleague 2: practiseSafeHex i'm with Colleague 1, were trying to use the demo, and its not working. Can you have a look, we need it.
Me: I just told him, its fine, I think you have the wrong URL <prod-url>. Can you try again.
Colleague 2: No I have the right one, can you check it.
Me: *does nothing*, yep i've had a look at it, can you try again: <prod-url>.
Colleague 2: Ah its back now, cheers.
They are with a customer now, so I won't say anything, when they get back, one of them is being castrated. -
This shit makes me fucking rage! Ok, so here it goes. I use Multiswipe (multiswipe.com) and I'm actually very happy with it. It works as advertised and doesn't crash. Then I bought a new laptop. I wiped the old one and installed multiswipe on the new one. After launching I'm greeted with the registration (I bought it) where it claims I have already registered the software on a different computer. So I reach out to the owner and ask him to help out and am told
"MultiSwipe can be installed and updated as many times as you want as long as it is in the same machine, but if you change laptops then you will need to purchase a new license, this is because MultiSwipe implements a serious of optimizations depending on your touchpad brand and model and as such it's physically linked to it."
This sounds like horseshit to me. If I download a fresh copy, wouldn't it optimize depending on the new system?
But ok. I'll purchase another one, only to be told that my e-mail address is already in use. After reaching out I am told that I HAVE TO CREATE A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS.
Jon, if you read this, I seriously love your software but what the fuck is this fuckery. Like, seriously, how god damn hard can it be to allow customers to purchase multiple licences?
I'm so angry that I'm considering pouring time into cracking it and sending him the new version with the text "nvm, got it to work."
I'm open to suggestions....8 -
YIL (Yesterday, I learned) that, in Austria, digital signatures on documents (using a signature you can only get by verifying your identity, which can be done in person, or online but no I'm not making pics with my passport, ever) have the same value as handwritten signatures.
If someone provides you a PDF and tells you to print it out and sign it, you can just sign it on your PC and send the PDF back, and unless they explicitly told you not to do so (it can't be put in terms and conditions), they can't reject a signature provided in this way.6 -
!!!dev
This is !dev at all, buy I think many devs might share a similar way of thinking.
I just had a discussion with a friend. He told me that he donated 100.- to a poor family he met in Thailand and told me about how good he feels because of that.
I told him that I’ve been donating regularly for the last 8 years and that it’s not about how you feel but about the change you made.
We argued for a while and I realized that I’m using my past donations not only to convince him but to win the argument..
I used my deeds to my own benefit, so I’m no better than the TikTok Bitches showing their bodies for likes..
I’m deeply disappointed in myself.10 -
So today I told my boss “nodejs without typescript is like sex with strangers without a condom. Sure it’s fun and all... but then you get an std”12
-
I just hate my project manager ! :(
my project manager asked me to create the new UI for a running angular project and been given 2 weeks to do so.
I started working on it 2 weeks ago but he kept asking me to work on changes asked by clients on other projects during those 2 weeks and I did as he wanted. I informed him that our new UI is delaying because of these rapid changes and he replied "Its ok ! The deadline shall be changed. I will manage it. At this time, these fixes are much more important."
I said "Alright" at that time.
But Today He is saying I need to deliver the Version 2 UI and all integration by Friday.
I told him "I already told you that our project is delaying so you need to assign other resources on changes for other projects and let me finish the UI for version 2 for t that project. "
On this he got furious and asked me to do it no matter what by the Friday.
I don't know what should I do?3 -
THE TYPESCRIPT DEFINITIONS SAGA CONTINUES
> IHateForALiving: so, I don't really know which field we're supposed to use here, but that's your entity I'm working on, so...
> TeamLeader2: wait, what is this? Why does your code have autocomplete?
> IHateForALiving: Every time I worked on some parts of the code I've been writing some type definitions along the way, and it's adding autocomplete if you type hint your code... but I've been told not to write them anymore, so I stopped
> TeamLeader2: But why tho? It's so fucking handy
> IHateForALiving:3 -
I was sick the entire week, told my boss about it. I was really enthusiastic about the work and also didn't want to let other people down, so I went, even though I didn't have to.
Today this asshole screams at me for being late and goes on about the broken trust between us etc.
This motherfucker. I showed up, for a whole week, in pain, despite not having to do so. I had to punch the bathroom walls for ten minutes in order to get rid of all the anger.
TL;DR:
Never do more than required, it will absolutely come back to hit you.5 -
Not really a rant about coding itself, but it's a rent, I'm a dev, so here ya go:
I have a German citizenship, but am living in Hungary temporarily. Also, I need internet. So I go to the website of UPC, register, order a package, etc. Just as I would do anywhere else....... Except for the fact , that they just called me that I should send them my passport, because they neither accept my German ID, my Hungarian registration card or anything else. I DON'T HAVE A PASSPORT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! I LIVE IN THE EU, I DON'T NEED A PASSPORT!!
But the best part was when they told me I should just ask my mother to make the contract for me, because she does have a Hungarian citizenship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!6 -
I told you fucking moron clients doing that "little" change would be complicated and in the worst case it would end fucking up your whole spaghetti crap. A really HUGE spaghetti monster of that you aren't aware because you guys don't know a shit about coding conventions.
*Clients call me complaining about their software is broken*
-Hey, we're in serious trouble. Our users aren't being able to see the proper calculated values. Why that little change had so much side effects?
- I already told you why.
- Can you fix it asap? Our clients are complaining.
- No. Deploy an old copy of the affected modules while you give me a prudent time to refactorize that crap.
- Refactorize?
- ...
I used to work in their place, 3 years later I quit that crappy job and decided to make them my clients. I escaped from the micromanaging thing but I didn't from their ugly practices.
Anyways, I have to fix this shit asap. Money talks, at least until I can find a better client. -
Once I told a good friend that I will make a website for his business. I do all IT stuff he only has to do the content. Halfway done with the site I asked if he has written anything. He had not. Then a week later I asked again. He had nothing. So I sat down with him and helped him write what he does and why people should go to him. Then I told him to ask a mutual photographer friend to take pictures for him. A week went by when I asked him if he has contacted the guy. He had not. Then I was like: "Dude! If you are not willing to put any effort into making this happen then why the hell should I?"
In the end he didn't do anything. And that's the story of my friend never getting a free website.
The End.1 -
I fucking hate my job so much. I feel like I work harder than anyone at my level, yet I can't get promoted. I'm so fucking sick of putting in effort for nothing. We all get paid really well, and yet no one seems to give a shit about the work. Meanwhile I'm busting my ass, for what? No promotion.
For promo to next level, the projects I work on aren't supposed to matter, just the execution. And yet, I get told I don't have enough impact when I'm interested in promo? How can I, I have no fucking choice what I work on you fuckers.
Fucking bullshit job.8 -
TL;DR: intel stripped the hosted network function from the drivers for my wifi chip. Older versions can still so it
Every month I travel by bandbus to neighbouring countries for a show.
This usually takes 7+ hours.
So i have my laptop with me and if my brother is along as well, we game in the bus.
Using a cable for internet connection isnt handy, since we sit on opposite sides of the bus. So i looked up if I can use a hosted wifi network for this.
We both checked out our drivers and both said no hosted network support.
And some posts on the internet said that customer support told them that the chip can't do it
But thats weird. My laptop is high end. So I searched a little only to find out that I can do a hosted wifi network if I DOWNGRADE my drivers.....
Fuck you intel. Fuck you hard for stripping that function from the drivers1 -
If you want a self stem boost talk to some non programmers sometime. They seems to see us as gods with some mystical magical powers!!
Talked with a broker today and he told me about a damaged computer that he had with some important files. I told him that I'm not that kind of computer guy and proceeded to explain him briefly what I do (I build stuff) and he was like "oh, so you a the the REAL computer guy!" (no offense to any technicians here!)
I loved it!
So, get out and talk to the muggles and stop complaining that you are not good enough to work for Google (or Google is not good enough for you anymore anyways...)5 -
Just had some problems with a cronjob I've been playing around which kept my pc running for like 10 mins after i used `shutdown -H`.. My mother asked me why i wa so mad at my pc
Me: A cronjob is stopping ubuntu from shutting down.
She: What's ubuntu?
Me: the os I've told you about the whole last weekend
She : what's OS?
I and my father literally explained her Ubuntu and Linux basics for at least 2 hours after she asked why my pc is looking "so purple" (i was using the console).
btw got the bug fixed :) -
So I just installed Windows 10 and decided to download GeForce Experience and got this through Microsoft Edge.
I tried Opera, same result. My friend told me to zoom out with Opera and then suddenly it worked. WHY?!?!? Since when is a newly installed Windows with bad resolution a mobile device or something? Can you please explain?11 -
Ah.... Just saw a message in team chat that we had a prod issue caused by the use of a hack/duct tape solution...
Dev just replied "as a fix I will do it the right way"
Me thinking: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I told you so... Now you learned it the hard way7 -
ChaseBank is getting up my nose. Twice in four business days my account was flagged and I had to change my password for 'security' purposes. I spent the better part of 90 minutes in a futile attempt to find out why, when there's been no suspicious activity on my account, I'm being flagged. My father contacted a branch manager near him who told him to dial the priolrity customer service number and key in the letters (I shit you not) HO HO. I called the number. It's the same damn number I'd been calling. I called the branch. They told me I'd definitely receive a call back last Friday by 1800. No call. So, yesterday I called the manager of that branch, verified its location, told the manager he was supposed to call me by 1800 last Friday, and Chase Corporate would be in touch with him soon to explain that when you tell a customer you'll call them, you'll fucking call them.2
-
Hey everyone!
This is really two things in one:
1). Asking about a good gaming laptop.
2). Follow up on a post I made a while back asking for suggestions for new programming languages to learn
So right now I have a surface pro 3 i7 256gb, it's great for development, but not so great for gaming (Overwatch).
Saw the Razer Blade Stealth and thought it looked pretty nifty. Suggestions?
Also I would like to say a big thank you to all the people who told me about some really cool new languages, like Crystal, Elixir..etc.
Thanks everyone!20 -
So this company called me for an internship interview. They told me to learn a new framework and develop an entire system with it within a week so as to get a chance for the internship. Jokes on you. I ain't coming back you SHITHOLES.1
-
I have a junior friend living in same building where I used to live. I used to help him in small doubts related to college and in some random stuff.
I once typed an application in a language which does not have its fonts in ms word by default. I used Google typing tools and Google docs to type and format it. I even taught him the process which is easy to understand.
Out of blue, after few years, this SOB pings me today and asks same thing to do again since it's urgent. I told him that I am middle of something and told him to use same tools as I used and give it a try. This fucker says he forgot how to do it. Well no problems, I told him how to do it and I will not be able to do it for him right now.
He said then try doing it after coming back to home.
Mind you that he is an engineering student.
You asshole, if it is so much urgent then use your brain and figure out this small thing yourself. If you can wait till I come back home then in which fucking way it's urgent? Go fuck yourself. I am done with your shitty attitude and on next offense you are going on my block list.4 -
At my institution there is a sys admin that belongs to an entirely different department. They have their own systems on their own network, separated from ours. I do not care, nor do I mind at all, but this is the second time I've had to put their admin in his place.
The first instance was when we had a security firm gauge our systems for vulnerabilities etc. The one that they have was fine, but required some additional configurations on their Tomcat servers. The "sys-admin" contacted I.T (my department) in order to request assistance, the net manager was the one he contacted, and he told the dude that he is not familiar with the Tomcat environment that they have, but that I, the dev manager, would possibly give him some pointers. The net manager is my friend, and he knows how much of a dickhead I am, so he was careful in what he told him. So the dude calls me:
"Hey, I need some items fixed on my Tomcat servers, they told me you have to do it"
Me: "Who? those are your servers"
Him: "The net manager said that you would do it"
Me: "I am certain he didn't tell you that bud, no one here will take care of your servers, they are yours, I am not doing any configurations on your stuff, that is your job"
Him: "Can't you just do them?"
Me: "No, bye"
The little bitch escalated it to my department director, who told him exactly the same thing, the director did ask if I would be willing to assist, I told him no since even though his configurations were minimal, I was not going to put myself in the position to which that fucker's ineptitude would cause him to point fingers at me, director backed me up and told the fucker to deal with his own shit.
This year it came to my attention that not only do they have their owns servers, but their own SSO system. This moron contacted me, tagging VPS and such in the email to tell me that I had to configure his SSO because "they told me you had to do it". The same shit happened, but this time I put him on blast during a meeting and told him that as "sys admin" for his stuff it was his responsibility to deal with the SSO that they have, and to contact the vendor to ask for the specifications. In front of EVERYONE he asked me if I could do it for him, I fucking looooooooled and told him that he just admitted to not being able to do his job (for which he is paid handsomely) in front of the entire room of VPS. One VP asked me why I was not willing to help him, and I told the VP that it would be the equivalent of me taking his vehicle for services, it is not my vehicle, thus not my responsibility. The VP agreed and told the fucker to get on with it and do what I said: contact his vendor channels to figure it out himself since it was indeed his position.
Yet again he said that he didn't know about SSO configs and that he was "told that I would do it", everyone asked who the fuck told him that and he said that the vendor, they asked again how it was and he showed the message from the vendor telling him: "Have your SSO admin perform the following <bla bla bla bla>" they asked him who was the manager for the SSO that they had. He said that it was him. Then they asked him what logic made him believe that it should be me, he stated again "they told me it was him".
I could hear everyone's brains shortcircuiting as no one could believe someone would be this fucking dense.
I don't think he will continue to have his job for much longer. I understand not knowing something, and I would have been happy to give pointers since I do administer systems of that level, but I can't with the whole made up "they said he would do it"
Bitch who said that? just say that you want me to do it because you can't, I mean, I am still not fucking doing it, but damn. Fucking morons man.5 -
Developers insist that I give them a sketch file instead of a zeplin doc I'm like ok fine. Then I am told in like three weeks of development that they don't understand the sketch file when they insisted on it. So I'm like ok fine let me put it on zeplin. Then I'm told to compare their work with my designs. And ofcourse it doesn't match. So i sit and literally go through each margin , each padding with them. Then I'm told that they r over riding exsisting styles and say that's alot of development so I say ok I need to ask the product owner if it's gonna take more time. They get mad at me and say why I need to ask this? Like u told me it's gonna take you longer and I need to tell my boss? Then my boss says confirm all the styles with marketing ( everyone btw has seen my designs, reviewed them, and I have confirmed literally every change) and now I've been told to change a button to red ( why r your cta's and errors the same color I have no idea ??!) And then I tell the developers and they make a huge deal about changing the button from blue to red. NO ONE HERE HAS A STRUCTURE TO PRESENT HAND OFF TO THE DELVEOPERS. ITS SO ANNOYING.
Also can I just say in my presentation time and I had spent time on my designs and someone says oh let me show everyone through my screen.
I literally got a word out before all the delveopers in the room start arguing and skipping my design slides like R FO REAL? LET ME GO THROUGH THE JOURNEY ITS MY JOB.
LET ME HAVE CONTROL ON MY DESIGNS
UAIQBA.EAUKWHWUAGWNKRVIEVJWFEJCSJCSJCAHCSHXWH
sorry. I am typing this sitting on a sofa eating cake when I'm supposed to be on a diet but I'm wallowing and crying6 -
Update to this rant: https://www.devrant.io/rants/210575
Now, roughly one week before the revised delivery date, they realize that we won't be able to finish the workload on time and they are thinking about moving the due date...
by two weeks 😒2 -
So my gf told me about a job offerin she heard. They're looking for Python dev for a weather website.
Cool sound good.
Thank god I went for a drink with friends that night cause when I mentioned the job...well.
Apparently this dick pays about a 100$ LESS than a MINIMUM wage (not to mention the hostile work environment).
Honestly idk how they even stay afloat. I mean you can make almost DOUBLE working at McDonald's. -
I fucking hate environnement configuration so much that I prefer to debug 8 hours straight rather than lose my time and shit for 2 hours on idiotic configuration problems and jump from page to page like a dumbass
"Hey you want that module, download it here !"
"Oopsie, starting from X version of the JDK/JRE this is no longer standalone and directly embedded in"
"Can't find it ? Well I just forgot to tell you that starting from Y version this is COMPLETELY removed from what I just told you to search in and now in another standalone package"
"So now you added your package as dependency for you project, your IDE detects everything well but can't run your code ? That's because it doesn't work anyway, use another method found on the dedicated Github issue which makes little sense and that you have to apply everytime, then sacrifice your inexistent newborn to connect to the 9th circle of hell where Java resides so everything will work"
I knew I couldn't get away using fucking Java and JavaFX3 -
I need advice.
So let's say, hypothetically, I found a site with a user data leak.
Would it be illegal if I only told them where the leak was for a bounty?
I am NOT going to distribute the user data. I just don't want to work for free, you know?
Again: NOT DISTRIBUTING USERDATA. No blackmail. Just information that their QA should have caught.25 -
Me - "Talks to client about his deliverable"
Him - So when can we show a demo?
Me - On thursday we could show a totally working deliverable.
Him - "Really on thursday? i was hoping to get it done for tomorrow"
My mind - *Dude. do you even know how much time does it takes to finish the latest changes you just asked me today? i mean probably we could get it done if you weren't so cheap at the proposal, you know, when I told you we would take longer if i dropped the price. And I could have a couple more devs working here so we could had the finish product a week ago, and still we are on time... so WTH dude *
Me - No, sorry I wouldn't dare to show you a half baked demo. But ill try my best to show you before that day.1 -
When my boss told me this:
Boss: I have some bad news that I didn't want to tell you on the phone.
Me: So I'm fired?
Boss: No, the roof of the server room collapsed and most of the computers are really damaged.
Me: Then tell the technicians to start fixing, why are you telling me?
Boss: Now it is your job ...6 -
Worst: Spending a week in npm, node, react hell trying to triage a ReactNative iOS/Android app that even the OG dev couldn't fix and FAILING.
This is the only code in like 20 fuckin years that beat me.
Best: Watching the fall of western democracy with a giant shit eating "I told you so" grin.6 -
Told my client last october that I would not be doing a migration.
Two weeks ago they wanted me to do the migration and I told them I will do my best to create estimates but that it was the first time.
Gave them a resonable estimate to migrate the content.
And last meeting they cut the time by 70% to meet the budget.
Fuck the budget, can't pay then you don't get the shiny new toy.
I'm a contractor, not a fucking employee. So all the extra hours are on me.
Going to give them a piece of my mind today.
If I lose this client, i don't give a fuck.1 -
manager: i heard that bitcoins' price just dropped. can you teach me how to trade bitcoins?
*apparently he saw me taking the blockchain trainings provided by the company. told him i only know they work but not trading. i feel like he's so disappointedrant bitcoin blockchain there was no training for trading concepts not trading i suck in finance stuff1 -
Ok. I am trying out a new thing. My colleague told me about a technique worth giving a shot. So basically you should ignore the negative things and only focus on the positive ones making your mind shift states and boost your productivity although sometimes really hard. It’s working for me quite well so far, so here’s my two cents on today:
Thank you my dear designer fellow to making all the screens more beautiful than they were already. Big respect for you for not worrying about deadlines and for for inspiring me to be a faster programmer. I knew I can count on you. Being such nice to me leaves me speechless sometimes, but not today. Today I wish you soon get all the anusroses to smell right next to your beautiful face1 -
Is it common to be told by HR after an interview that they aren't following up with an offer, then poll you about your experience with the interview, and act like they did you a favor by granting you the opportunity to interview with them? Because if so, I think I am done with software.6
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I used to play games a lot, I had good grades at school which could make me a doctor or scientist. But my interest has always been leaning towards computers and my parents didn't really liked it. When I was having dilemmas about which path to choose for my career, parents told me, choose anything you want as long as it's not about computers. So immediately I know what I want to be...
-
I realized that I'm spending about 2 hours in the taxi so I told myself that I I gotta make use of this time and started reading books about pentest and such.
After a while I noticed that this is not working as expected. Because the stuff I was trying to learn by just reading books were mostly practical and I had to see how they really work (like running the codes and so on)
So I reviewed my long term plans and oh! All the topics are practical !
So I'm asking you:
What are the useful topics that I can learn by just reading or what are the other ways I can make use of this time?4 -
A few days back I joined my first job. I didn't had so many expectations but still I had a little hope. But no the trainer was a dumb ass person, like he did so many annoying things. I'll give you one, he repeatedly tried putting hdmi cable in VGA port. Even after we told him.4
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So one of the PMs arranged a meeting last week for today, where he was going to "talk to us about a project we're currently working on".
Today the PM was off, so myself and a few other managers attended said meeting. Once everyone was in, one of the managers looked around, then at me and stated: "Have you not prepared your handover for this meeting?". I was just sat there like "WTF? What handover!?"
Apparently the PM decided to raise a meeting saying he was going to talk about the project, but then told all the other managers I was going to give a handover. He told everyone, but me!!
No wonder he didn't show up for it -.-2 -
I was told to build a logging app for one of the work streams on my project. The lead briefly brainstormed about the data fields they'd need to log and told me to go make it.
I am handing off the app and they ask me what they are supposed to put in each field.
Me: oh [team lead] just told me to put in these fields, but you guys are going to use it so why don't you tell me which fields you need and I can change it easily.
They refuse to tell me how to build the app they're going to use and will definitely complain about it not doing what they want later. -
So there is this project of my firm that is comepletly dependant on Facebook api, I've actually told it many times to managers at first but they've just waved their hands over it.
Now what didn't happen. Facebook data leak and the api being taking down ..juust a week before the project going public.
Our app is still not reviewed and not able to access the so vital api and there are actually many similar projects getting published (even Facebook Local greatly rivals to our app, actually killing it because they have native data... And we don't have any. )
I told them again. "Nah we will have this and this feature that makes it soo exceptionall."
And you are sitting here thinking if the salary you have asked for is still good enough to stay or to run away.
(Well, I am still getting some coding experience from this so that's why I stay, and oh yeah I have the backend repo only for myslef because except the frontend dev no managers knows what git is. This is how freedom feels. )2 -
So many…
I think in general they boil down to: “you may be an expert, but I know what I want”
But the worst experience above all is one I had with a German school: the director/previous dev got angry cause they were told a real dev was needed (they were told this by most of their colleagues) and tried to actively make my job miserable. Oh and they requested an auto starting video with sound ofc! Q U A L I T Y - W E B S I T E -
Not drunk, still underage. I can share a wonderful story from when my wisdom teeth were pulled. My mom made me agree to not work on anything, especially code, when I came home. However, I had an awesome CPU architecture design project, and I was ready to make a few example programs in the assembly language. When I woke up the next morning with a clearer mind, I looked at the code again. ^A , ^X. Mom said "I told you so."
-
So a guy told me about a problem he has, and I showed him a tool that I have built that solve his exact problem, but he answered "Nah thanks I am good".
What ? Why ? Are you stupid ? It's free3 -
lotta jealous 🤡 trolls on this platform...
funniest thing to me is they think they are so smart they are hiding their trollishness.... but it couldn't be more obvious 😂😂😂😂
bitch, i told you, i am muad'dhib
i see through all
i've even forseen this post and its replys10 -
Fucking unreal bro!!! I’m working on an issue and I pushed, then there was a bug, i fixed it again, another issue for the UI change, another fixed for sorting column. All that fixed I created separate branch. My boss called me and told me im stupid for creating a separate branch everytime on a simple fix, he told me that Git isnt used that way. He told me that his been doing this 30years already. So I asked isnt it the best practice to create a separate branch on every issue or if the branch has been merged? His answer is no. Fuck this guy and his 30years experience
I should’ve responded:
First of all, if we have a test suite then I would have notice that error but we dont. You dont even want to upgrade ruby and rails. We’re stuck at version 4 on rails. Second why are you merging my MR and reviewing it on IST? Why didnt you do that locally so you can address the issue before you merged? Third fuck you and your 30years
My actual response is:
Ahh yes sir, im sorry wont happen again, my bad, sorry for that mistake.
Fuck bro im mad!!!!4 -
Monday morning: "Hey uuuh the client receives 3 mails instead of one and only one of them is good, there's a problem, go fix it"
Yesterday, me: - "Hey I've been looking everywhere, made hundreds of tests, there's a problem with the files attached to the mail, they're unreadable"
-" I told you it's in the code, you didn't look deep enough"
This evening: "Umm it seems that there's indeed a permission issue. So I'm gonna rollback everything you've done since Monday"
One year. One year and I live this hell. -
So, this happened.
We are supposed to get bonuses by this time of the year, but at the evaluations meetings we were told that this year we won't because we've lost a client and bla bla.
Later this week, one of my colleagues just opened himself and told me that he and one more received the full bonus!!
So basically our employer just lied to everyone.
What would you do?
I'm leaving for sure, already think that this company is hitting a dead end, but i think leaving is not a good enough for the company to open their eyes and starting to value all its employees, even after I leave.7 -
Do you care about your workplace/employer?
I feel quite a bit of stress, and a good friend of mine told me I "probably do it to myself" (working too hard and/or caring too much)
From him I heard that I care too much about stuff I don't get payed to do.
(Think management and server related stuff while I'm just a web developer)
So my question is either, do you care about what's going on? Do you think nah fuck it? Where do you draw the line?3 -
So this is my conversation with my friend today, I feel so dumb.
*out of curiosity, after seeing his PC application*
me: Hey bro what make the GUI so simple what you use?
friend: theek hai.
me: Seriously bhai, what you use?
friend: I just told you ! I said theek hai!
me: *confused and thinking,*, what library for which language ?
friend: python bro.
me: *finally realise* you mean TK? omg..
friend: that's I was saying bro.
well i messed up hindi and english what is wrong with me?4 -
If you told me in 2010 that Internet Explorer would be discontinued in 5 years or so, I would call you crazy.2
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I was having some trouble accelerating the delivery of a new feature and so my team leader joined me for some pair programming (awesome!). Five minutes later I was selecting some, text while explaining some problems, and he stops me.
Team leader: you know, you can select all that text by double clicking it;
Me: ok (continuing to explain)
Team leader: you have to be faster with that;
Me: That's not the point right now;
Why do people focus so much on these little things?! I really like pair programming, or just pairing to think about a problem, but this kind of things really get under my skin...
(Silver lining: Cool team leader that didn't snap after I told him to focus 😅)2 -
So get this, I try making an appointment at the bank twice, they don't call me either time so I call them and they say they'll call me back sooo they never call me back. So today I go to the bank office because fuck it right ill just come in then and guess what I'm told? Oh euh you need an appointment to open a business account LIKE FUCK YOU YOU TWAT I TRIED MAKING AN APPOINTMENT FUCKING TWICE2
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So I am on a vacation for a month and a few days before it ends. My boss calls me and tells me "why don't you take one more week" then he told me that's when he will be back to work as well because he is traveling. When I told him why he said he wants to talk to be before getting back to work.
When he found me sounding worried, he said don't worry there is nothing you are missing we just want to align our plans and give you updates on the period you were gone for.
When I asked him what if I wanted to get back to work sooner, he said I prefer if you wait till I come back
And now I am super worried and paranoid, advice please 😥5 -
!rant.. When the client makes you do something stupid, and you try to tell them, but they still want it, so you give it to them, and weeks later, they come back asking you to revert it.... ugh!!
I wanna comment on the jira "I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so!!!" so bad..6 -
So this morning a guy asked me what my work was, I told him I'm a mobile developer, and what the work consists of
Then he came out with a:
"oh I heard that you developers write code, but which code? Something like Morse code or Braille?"
And i was like: "wtf, did he seriously said that?!"
So I jumped right in and replied
"No, actually I see pretty sharp"
... but I think he didn't get it ..uhh so sad :c -
my colleague from .php working on ubuntu told me that i dont have patience
so i replied him -jerk i am using windows still you want proof of my patience. -
A developer in my team just implemented a new design from a screenshot. Because the copy of the app isn't written in his native language he had written the copy from the screenshot letter by letter.
I told him I was really impressed with his work (almost no errors!), but to me it was unacceptable that he should have to go through all this trouble. I also told him that next time he could ask me to write down the copy for him (it's written in my native language).
So I'm curious: who else here is programming for apps that aren't written in your own language, and what are the challenges you face? Also: how can I help the developers in my team with this? -
Tl;DR
Client is fucking idiot
Longer version:
So im creating an apinfornclient, he integrated everything went smoothly, than he requested update changing few things. He also told me before to not change api without him knowing. So I deployed on test. Subdomain clone with updates.
After iver week waiting for his response was "okay but how do I look at starts etc, where is dashboard"
I calmly reply
"Did you tried https://test.example.com ?"
"Ok it works"
Seriosuly.... Why they didnt even attempt to use brain on this ;-;1 -
Head hunting interview:
Q: Are your front end dev?
A: Yup, I'm website's frontend developer.
Q: Are you good at AngularJS?
A: No, I'm not. I only know Reactjs, and Ember.
Q: How about backend, you said you know Rail?
A: Yes, maybe for 3 month experience.
Q: So we need Angular guy, but it seem that you are BAD at Angular. Can you JOIN our next interview?
A: Sorry. I already told you that I don't care about Angular. Isn't it totally different with BAD at Angular? Thank for your consideration. I'm out.
Is there any double standard such as without AngularJS you will be considered that you are terrible at AngularJS?5 -
My personal laptop suddenly broke.
Clearly, something in the motherboard got broken, because no LED is working, long press for hard reset is not working: only fans are on when I power on the button. To disconnect I should remove the battery.
It's an old (and very loved by me) laptop, but I explained it in the repair shop, and they told me they "will do all possible to repair it" by a reasonable price, so worth it.
After some days the call me to tell me that, after some tests like a display test or ram test, the problem is probably in the motherboard and they don't have the tools to fix that.
They can bring the laptop to another specialized shop for, of course, a much more expensive price.
How should I react? I'm very angry. When you told me you could "do all possible to repair it" after I told you where the problem probably is, it implies you have the tools, at least, to find out if the problem were there.
When we talk I said "yes, I accept I'll pay that price if you aren't able to fix it".
Being coherent, are you expecting to me to have the tools to pay you in that case?
I'm so tired of the impunity of companies for treating customers as if they had no idea about technology always even if in the most of cases is it. (My laptop was not apple)
What a waste of time and money.7 -
I accept offer letter from x company.
And just before 3 day of joining i got far better offer from company y.
So i told company x that i got better offer I don't want to join there anymore.
They told me that after accepting i should not find new job, my word has no value, and told me "keep that attitude (sarcastically).
I know i did wrong. How do you guys handle that?
Is it wrong to accept other offer after accepting one?7 -
So my kid tells me that her teacher said my kid could teach the class. I told my kid that was great, good job!
Later my kid is talking to me:
Kid: Nerd!
Me: If I remember correctly. Your teacher said you could teach her class. My teachers never told me that. I think that makes you the nerd.
Kid: <big frown>6 -
Do technical recruiters think that developers memorize the technical definitions by heart instead of using them in a seamless way?
What do they want? A dev who knows how to memorize or the one who knows how to implement.
I am really angry and i feel so uncomfortable when they ask me about a specific question and consider it wrong when they don't receive exactly the same answer.
Like one the recruiter told me: well how are you expecting from me to accept you as a developer while you don't know the definition of "technical term".
Dude i learned the hard way by building projects, watching videos, implementation, analysis. I am not going to read 70000 pages to understand the root of a coding language.
You fuckin need the output so focus on this shit.
Damn i feel so angry. Sorry in advance2 -
So i worked in a book publishing place, an i was the only one there with computer education.
So i was talking to one of the guys there at lunch and told him that i hacked into a the oxford electronical dictionary and got an interview in the news.
so the first thing he asks me after that is:
"CaN yOU HAcK mE A RolEX FRoM Ebay???"
At that moment i lost my faith in humanity.1 -
Ups and downs in devLand.
Day started with a meeting with one client. Guys, getting told "thank you" and "I appreciate your help" feels so good. Nothing could bring me down.
Then I get an asshole making the same request that we already went over -__-
Seriously, how many emails do I have to send. Sigh. -
Recruiter contacted me about a job via email. Being the intrepid dev, I GlassDoor'd them. Nothing but shit reviews, so I told him no thanks.
"Oh we've seen the reviews and we're really trying to get our stuff together."
"Not on my back, you won't. I'm not going from the frying pan into the fire. "
He sent me more email asking me to reconsider. If you have shit reviews and have to beg people, uhh, are you that stupid to think anyone will come work for you?2 -
Client: I put a signed copy of my contract on my website, like someone told me to do, so that people can click a button, download it and sign it. I'm having the problem of people changing the contract before they send it back to me. Can you fix that?
Me: Yes. Take your contact off of your website.
Client: ok, my next question is: can you make it so that I can use the phone and the internet at the same time? Someone told me that I couldn't. I have cable internet I think. (She was remembering dial-up)
Every topic began with "someone told me ..."
This client is going to be .... interesting.2 -
So I am in a dilemma right now... I have like two lifes right now: One the one side I am a student in applied computer science and on the other side I am already working in a Dev company and as a freelancer. Compared to my work, university is boring as hell. I would love to just skip university and start my own company with my other freelancer friend! We already have some clients so we would have a good start. But many people, like my parents for example, told me that need at least degree to achieve something in life. I told them that I would try do earn some certificates (like Cisco) but they are still not happy with this idea. So I would love to hear your opinion guys... Do you think that a degree is absolutely necessary? Thanks in advance!5
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I'm currently interviewing for other jobs, told my manager last week, was told by a company director that is a career limiting announcement.
Like, genuinely, fuck you. Grow up.
The worst they can do to me between now and when I'm gone is to take the interesting projets away from me and give them to someone else, but the only other person that can really do the things I do is my manager (CTO) who is busy as fuck, so anyone else is going to need my help, and oh hey suddenly I don't know the answer to their questions so what you going to do?4 -
Well, wasn't my mom, but once, i was in the house of the nanny of a girl i used to date..
I've told her that Im a developer and The nanny already got it like : "ok you know about cumputer and stuff related"..
So..the internet connection was shitty as fuck
She asked me to repair the internet,
I told her I didn´t know anything about network, but.. she insisted.
I said that she better call their internet company and they would explain what is the situation there..
She told me that It was unnecesary, and insisted again..
(We wera talking in the bedroom)
So i left the bedroom, then I went to fucking internet modem, unplug the power cable, then plugin it again..
The internet was still shitty, BUT, she had a placebo effect about the speed.. she was so happy with me and she started saying that I was smart.. (I wanted to kill myself)
we stop dating ..1 -
- Hey, could you help me understanding your method? I'm trying here to implement it on my side but it doesn't work
- I'm not at home right now and don't remember the code i wrote. I will look at it when i get back home
- Ye but can you explain it briefly?
- I JUST FUCKIN TOLD YOU I DONT REMEMBER IT EXACTLY, I AM NOT AT HOME AND I DON'T FUCKIN HAVE THE COMPUTER WITH ME. WHAT HE FUCK WAS SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND?2 -
I work 9 hours a day. I started attending a masters that assumes you work 8 hours so lessons start one hour earlier than I'm supposed to clock out. I told the boss, and he was MAD. Even though I told him I'm taking the job cause I wanna do a post-grad.
What do I do now.9 -
Week before this i had to assign a task for a mailing to a coworker of mine. So i handed him the documentation (partly on paper).
He finished his part and now i need to continue the works.
I asked him the documentation. He told me he shredded it and threw it away. Thanks coworker. You are being useless like never before.1 -
Well , just follow my previous rant to know it . I promise , you will feel the pain reading these....
https://devrant.com/rants/5004522/...1 -
I landed at the company's office and the boss was off to meetings so I sat with the dev team ( which was 2 people back then ) and started to ask what they're doing trying to get one of the tasks off them. The boss came late and told me to come next day, the first thing he said to me in the morning was "you're hired!, Now go back to what you did yesterday".
I was 17 and happy lol -
#Smoke_and_Coffee
Why everyone I told that I have an addition on Coffee said so you are a smoker
Ooh God no I'm not a smoker, I'm just a programmer that write 2 lines on code and drink a cup of coffee.4 -
When I was finishing my telecommunications engineering degree, my aunt told me that a friend of her had a work offer for me and we arranged a casual interview.
After some small talk, the first thing this dude told me was: "as you have studied telecommunications, you must be interested on selling telecommunication devices right?". It happened to be a pyramidal phone reselling "work" offer.
I have never felt so attacked. My family thinks I studied 6 years to fucking sell phones.1 -
import ssd.fast.*;
!rant
Sooo....
Some time ago I told you guys about my Laptop (9 Years old Acer Asphire) and how fucking awful slow it was with windows. So I installed Solus and it was fucking fast :D
But on Friday I installed Kali Linux with full Desktop, and there it goes, fucking slow again... So I got an SSD yesterday for it, installd Kali again and JAY I CAN MULTITASK AGAIN!
LOVING FUCKING SSDs IN OLD LAPTOPS I WILL USE THIS THING FOR LONGER NOW !!!1!2 -
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: Researching on cocaine. //Assignment was about cocaine in Coca-Cola
Mom: Is cocaine a CS course or something?// So naive
Me: Yes it's a mind boggling course, some people fail to survive the course. It's practiced world wide.
Mom: ooh good good. Carry on
And my sarcasm went unnoticed until later when I told her what cocaine is.😂 -
I need to write code for mini sumo robot and have no idea how to start. I don't know any programming language so which one can be good to start? If You have any good courses or something like that I'll appreciate. My friend told me that Python is good option, some people from YouTube said same thing, is that right? Robot is built on Arduino Uno but I can use my Raspberry Pi3 as well if it makes any difference.3
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Work keeps getting worse. It seems someone ratted me out to the boss after I complained how it is unfair that I'm going to lose my bonus over an impossible deadline. Ok so I probably shouldn't rant in the workplace but still. Now I'm told my negative attitude affects my co-workers and that I certainly won't succeed if I am so negative. Then I got told I instead need to work overtime to make things happen, and when I argue that I can't do that because I need my spare time because of my health I'm basically put on the spot that either I make it happen or I get booted with a negative reviews. You bet your ass I'm in contact with my union over this, because that is just wrong imo. I know they can fire me any time for any reason, but they need to give reason. But threatening an employee who disclosed health issues to you and claiming you will see it as sabotaging the company? I'm sorry I'm not the superhero dev that you want but it hurts being told you're not good enough because you don't go the extra mile, regardless of if you even can or should.
Tiny little upside though, scored more interviews, speaking to a company tomorrow afternoon. Fingers crossed hard. There's gotta be sane places out there.1 -
When I was attending my last year CS at uni I was approached by a startup that was funded by my uni.
It was the usual clusterfuck, an app idea that two business majors came up with. The idea was ok, but they had no coding experience. I was supposed to to set up everything and they told me that they might pay me with stocks.
(When they tell you they MIGHT pay you, you know its fucking bad)
There was so many red flags at this point so I told myself there is no way in hell I would do jackshit for them.
So I played along for a while, just so I could use them as a reference when I applied for a real job, and it actually worked.
Sometimes I go and look at the domain just to see where they ended up.
They didnt get past the index page.1 -
I have anxiety attacks and i wanted to get my mind of things. I took 2 internships at once so that my mind would stay focused. Turned out that was really the worst idea i ever came up with.
I was fretting a lot. People calling me from different time zones at 1-2 am midnight asking me about updates. Things went completely messed up faught with my friends.
So i messaged my boss. I told him i have some problems in life i need time to sort it. And believe me he said take a month off.
He is really the coolest boss i know (out of the 4 i ever worked dor 😅)
Guys a lesson don't overdo the things you love. You want to make it a good experience. But making it unbearable to yourself can make you hate your love for coding.7 -
"Hey critnukes it's me your dumbass costumer and I was told to call you from the owner, so do you know where our mailbox is?"
You live in the other end of the country, surely there must be something wrong with you to think _I_ could know. Well, they were so used to us knowing everything they didn't even think about it.
Guess that's a good thing right? -
When you boss makes a product decision in a meeting and never tells the team or me the lead dev. Then when it comes to an overview day he gets angry that I didn't know about these changes cause he never told us or put it in the sprint. So I have to spend my weekend refactoring the whole website so make it work the way he wants.....5
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I remember some years ago a phone call between my boss and a customer.
The customer wanted a website from us, and my boss told him what it would aproximately cost (it wasn't very much).
Customer got upset and said "How can it be so expensive? You're not saving lifes, are you?"
It never came to a contract, and I now work at a real company ...2 -
So first, I haven't finished my CS degree
Currently working in CS position ( didn't lie... degree was pending told them as such, still hired me)
Currently getting offers from other companies.... Kinda want to transition but scared to get turned away for lack of degree.
Basically completed portion of degree, but have grown disinterested in completing ....
What do you guys think? Still finish?? Or use my current experience to move forward??3 -
I had an interview at a forensics place. I was so nervous the interviewers told me over and over to calm down... It happens automatically to me. I do CBT but it does not help when you are in a room of five people watching you like a hawk5
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Today I called my ISP and shouted what the hell is your wireless service, I cannot even open youtube. Then they asked from what time you had the issue we are not able to see any data.
All of a sudden I saw I was disconnected from dongle and got connected to Wifi automatically (So i was on wifi). I feel ashamed then all of a sudden I scolded them and told yes because of your shitty service am not able to use!! :)24 -
My uncle is interestes in security, but personal security, he wants to be more peivate. So he told me he had installed Kali linux and got a course it, so I tried to explain him that this is more of a professional thing... that he needs something else.. and so he asked me: "What do I need, which book can I buy?"
I didn't really know. For me it's common sense to get a NAS, maybe have a laptop that is never connected to the internet, or maybe encrypt trafic encrypt hard disks.
But is there a book for that? You have 30 seconds to shine, how would u respond?6 -
So. As some of you may remember. I got a new job. However! I didn't end up taking it. They ended up terminating my current boss and gave me his job (and salary to boot).
They then told me to begin rebuilding the department and expanding it, something my old boss was not a fan of.
What tips do you guys have for building and managing a team? I've never ran one before. So I'm looking for advice on a project management platform. We are a C# shop so If it has nice integration into VS all the better.
Thank you and rant on! I am sure I will have some ranting about hiring and junior fuckups soon!2 -
I just set up KeePass for my momas she requested after I told her about. I'm so proud of you mom 😍2
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To all companies hiring can you stop expecting developers to know your language and actually acknowledge that the developer learnt the language then conducted the test for you? It also shows how quickly they can learn whilst developing the test.
I am honestly fed up of applying to jobs when companies do these sort of things. Been told to do this test in X language, so I have to research into this then get rejected at later stages.4 -
I am starting a new journey on a new dev company in my town... so far, I have been told its for a company that sell software for banks... so I expect to find a large codebase... Is there any strategy that you guys follow to assimilate the large codebases ?...3
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2 weeks ago I ask my coworker, who btw hates me and try to sabotage me every time he can, for a login for our brand new dev-system (webserver + dbserver).
I needed 8 days until he told me "no, work on the test envoiriment".
I escalated it to my boss, but he told me "no time, do as he says"...
Well okay.
So 3 days ago our bosses boss boss came to me and told us to do this very very important things - or we all will be in HUGE trouble and someone gets fired.
So I do it, I work as hard as I can, finished yesterday.
Today my coworker decides to play with the testsystem, because it is a testsystem, and boooom - accidentally kills a few databases and stuff for this very importent thing. Non recoverable.
And that is, guys, why you never work on testsystems.
He will get fired friday.
Karma5 -
So remember when I said I had a member in thesis who's sort of the 'connections' guy? And this guy doesn't show up most of the time because he's 'busy'?
Well it turns out he becane editor-in-chief of the school's yearbook!!! I mean I don't mind him doing his thing but why now?!?! Dude set your priorities straight! Do you wanna finish this thesis and graduate or proofread/edit every yearbook entry you get?!
Well we told our advisor about this and he said: 'So he's basically a parasite?' and we just laughed outlr heads off. We'll see what tomorrow brings us. -
!rant
Agile devs— do you attend sprint planning?
I want to, but my boss told me not to go (waste of my time, he says). Only leads attend them, then they come back with tickets for the rest of the team. But a few other devs I’ve spoken to found that absurd, since attending lets you choose your tickets to a certain extent.
Do you attend yours? Is it crazy not to? Am I missing out? (I ask bc ours is happening right now— and it’s so empty in here!)4 -
Hey guys, do you know of a good way to share and exchange high-res videos with people who are not so savvy with computers?
I can only think of dropbox, but the space is limited and I was told it is not ideal for such huge files as videos...14 -
This is just my 3rd year in tech & 2nd year in Software Development (that means I'm still learning some advanced skills) but I've been told asked by my Head of Department to lecture Python next academic year (because he thinks I'm so good at it) and I'm still a student.
How do I balance things because I really want to become a software developer and I don't want lecturing to take my time away..?
Also do you have any tips on how I can deliver effective lecture..?6 -
!rant
So there was a tech summit and the startup I work for had a stall there.
People waited patiently to try our product and told me that our work was very cool.
I've never been happier!
PS: For those of you who are curious, check out scapic.com -
There are many issues with designers. Let's skip hamburger fuckups, navigations on bottom or other stuff. What pisses me of most are tables. Simple tables. As many times as i remember i told them: plaease, design this table with full borders around cells. Your design will make problems with rowspans a cellspans. Why you keep doing that? This is not like tables list in your fucking IS, where you tracking your shitty designers tasks.
How to talk with them? Blow their dicks off before discussion so they feel happy?
But you know, i'm just coder... I have no main word on design things.10 -
my 2022 went so great that i can feel the tremors that 2023 is goin to bring. my mom will be super ready to throw her taunts and 'i told you so' when i fuck up, and i have already set up myself to fail4
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I am currently playing dumb with a potential hire and it's just so much fun I don't know if I should stop.
We gave the dev a little coding challenge to code a small expense tracking app. Nothing fancy, just to see how he well he could do on his own. We told him to take as much time as he requires.
He submitted it and I tried to run it. It worked alright but I could not register or login.
I debugged the issue with him for a while and told him I would look at it later since I am tied up with other tasks..
We are communicating via an IM.
Him: Or how did you run the project. I wish I was there to run it for you. Lol
Me: dotnet run. start without debugging
Him: From the cmd?
At this point I about to get pissed. Where else would I run 'dotnet run' from??
Me: I would hope so
Him: I always run it from the cmd. With administrative privileges
Me: Really?? Where can I find cmd?
Him: Yes. Do you use a Mac?
Me: nope. I am using windows2 -
I entered my current company on January 28 and I have made a great effort. I was offered a lead role on may or july but depending on a review period. I know this period came to an end so I ask for a salary raise but they told me the following: "you are closed to the salary band limit so there is no possibility of a salary raise; the only possibility is switching to another role". So I disagreed because I considered I should be rewarded for all the effort I did these months... They came up with the idea of a bonus (they didnt told me the amount) but I still think I should hace set things clear... Like saying: There will be a review or analysis period ? Ok when it will end ?. Whats going to be decided after that ?. If a new role is considered, what will be my responsabilities ?. Because I made a huge effort considering I will be a father... And think this takes me to a place where I must still keep waiting when I know I give proof of my vslue5
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At work today I was told that a guy from some other area knew how to get me credentials to access a particular system I had some stuff to do. So I approached this guy later in the afternoon saying that someone had told me that he knew the stuff and could help me, and then I proceeded explaining my issue to him. Five minutes after my monologue he stared at me, at this point I was very confident I got my point across, and then asked: who gave you my name?
Who cares? Fuuuuuuuck my life 😤😤😤 -
So i was told to make a code to iliterate through some categories from web... And then boss added subcetagories... And sub subcategories... And after a while a sub sub sub sub categories... Code was piling up and boss says "dont worry, you can do it"... So i ended up with a loop within a loop within a loop within a loop... About half a milion combinations... HOW DID YOU BECAME A BOSS WITHOUT LEARNING TO DO MATH BITCH?!2
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Told you so.
After spending my entire education avoiding doing what they do. Hey... at least I use different languages. -
"The Senior Developer told me I was wrong but I proved that he was in fact wrong." - Why are there so many rants like this? What's the significance of the "Senior" part? Are you just telling the world you are better than "Senior" or do you just want to put them down?3
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I am in final year in computer science and i have to do a license. I know for sure it will be something about networking( not programming)(I am junior sysadmin in a company, i told you that so you can make an idea about the field). I did not find any great idea until now. Can you help me with some ideas? Thank you.
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I was never good copying in exams, so that seemed fine for me because what I get is what I know.
But now I'm not good in copy-pasting work from others... fuuuuck, these dudes are like "copy these, modify it, we want a working frontend mockup in 1 hour"
I fucking told you I'm a backend guy!!! NOT FRONTEND!1 -
You know of people weren’t pretending to have amnesia I’d feel like Cassandra vindicated even if I’m being denied the I told you so because Troy is burning down
Heh told you so a second or third time2 -
As I look at my other self I can't help but say "told you so"
:P
wanna talk about a content theft scenario :P
I put a few posts up online, they booted me off, and now someone else is claiming to have made the advanced tutorial content teaching you to go fuck yourselves :P2 -
Ok so a guy came over to my house and started boasting how much salary his daughter and son-in-law is earning working as managers in some bank. When i told him that i am a software dev who works for almost 9-10 hours a day, he said his daughter just has 4, meetings in a day and thats it. Do you guys think its fair to pay someone so much who just have 3/4 meetings a day?6
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When you describe to the business owner as a dev that this is a bad idea but they want it anyways so you just go on and dev it. Then 1 month into dev hell thinking about hanging your self for poor choices they go “This future is too difficult for the customer to understand and its not going to work”. Do you say i told you so or do you hang him with a mouse cable?1
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today the backend dev told me that he was trying to setup typescript for the company for so long and the company resisted him but he was super proud of his achievement of getting typescript into the project and i told him. sorry I agree with the company, you're stupid
i didn't tell him he was stupid ofcourse but i told him why i thought it was an unnecessary dep
i asked him are you doing a lot of number crunching? he said no
and i told him, most of the data you're going to recieve is in a string format or in json strings
very rarely are you going to get number data
and you can easily coerce the data into whatever you want37 -
Hey guys hello
I am new on dev rants:)
I am pursuing bca and i learned a c- language so i feel difficulty in patterns programming i can't create logic easily to making a program to print some patterns.
So here you guys kindly please help to how i can i improve logic in programming please told me to remove that difficulty.
Please2