Told my colleagues about devRant and they laughed it off saying that it's just 'another app'.
Fuck them.

When interviewing a dev, ask them what they think about time zones. If their answer is "fuck time zones", hire them immediately.

this isn't even a tech thing. it just fucking bamboozled me. I overheard a conversation today.

> "duuuude you gotta make a better password that shit is insecure af"

> "bruh i did, i googled it"

> "googled what?"

> "how to make a good password"

> "so how longs your password?"

> "not long, it's bob2"

> "where's your capital?"

> "I made the '2' capital"

> "so you capitalized a number…"

thank god he walked away. he even told him his fucking password. ignorance.

FBI: FUCK!! We just lost our connection to all those civilian routers we were monitoring
FBI IT Department: Did you try turning them off and back on?
FBI:

So Nvidia doesn't let you use their GeForce Experience app anymore without logging in.
*Uninstalled*
Fuck that, I don't want to login so I can see an FPS counter in my ganes or record them to my local disk or something like that... Fuck you Nvidia and fuck whoever decided that would be a good idea.

Headphones are in, colleague calls my name, I take them out a little annoyed at the interruption.

Colleague: what did one window say to the other?
Me: you're such a pane you know that?
Colleague: no but fuck! That's better

I thought, maybe, MAYBE I’ll meet a better class mate for uni group project since I’m at master degree instead of bachelor...

WELL FUCK, there is still people who played dead when I tried to chat them. Fuck group project, fuck you if you read this, I know you’re here sometimes

When the deadline gets extended from 12:00 AM to 9:00 AM, night out is fucking expected ! Fuck them till morning ! FUCK !

Contrary to most people I really love to receive email related to jobs when I'm in holiday. I keep important alerts on.

It's like:
email: ***urgent, server down***
me (sipping mojito by the pool): fuck them. let's them deal with that
email: ***requirements all wrong, must develop the feature again***
me (enjoying a dinner): oh, I told them 100 times!, fuck all of them, work for me now, stupid moron.
email: I destroyed by mistake the db with an update..."
me (dancing like crazy): ahahaha I told you that support guys should not have access to production db, fuckfuck you, fix it yourself!!!

and so on..... I don't know, it just boost my pleasure during holiday.

WHAT THE FUCK???

ctx: i haven't been on stack overflow in a while, and i logged back on to find this, i got them randomly while i wasn't on

WHAT DO YOU MEAN INVALID CREDENTIALS.
I JUST LOGGED IN WITH THEM ON YOUR SHITTY FUCKING WEBSITE YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT PIECE OF WANK.
FUCK YOU YOU ARE THE WORST FUCKING CREDENTIALS SYSTEM I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN; AND I'VE USED YAHOO

Fuck windows 10. I log on to start an interview code assignment that is timed. I'm on my computer getting things ready for a solid 10 minutes before starting the test. AS SOON as I start the test, windows 10 informs me:

Fuck you. There's updates and I'm installing them right now whether you like them or not, fucker. I bet you're doing something important too, so I'm not even going to let you schedule it at another time.

Fuck.

- I'm forced to do dev on Windows with no admin because security
- We receive patches to critical systems from outside company on FTP secured with password "asd123" and install them without reading because fuck security

My face when a customer cancels the order to develop an online shop for them, just to instead build the shop on their own using a 5€/mo webpage builder.

The fuck?

THERE IS NOTHING AS FRUSTRATING AS WAITING FOR A RESET PASSWORD MAIL... ONLY TO GET A STREAM OF 16 PLAINTEXT PASSWORDS 30 MINUTES LATER, WITH NONE OF THEM WORKING.

Fuck you, IKEA. 🖕

This is the right way to deal with GOOGLE and their ALGORITHMS. Confuse the fuck out of them.

Fuck China.

Fuck the U.S. government.

Fuck the UK and Australia and all the other governments for taking advantage of the crisis of the last two years to get more power and money for their elites.

Fuck them all for starting COVID with their unsanctioned and unethical “gain of function” lab experiments and creating so much chaos that nobody really has a chance anymore at living the life they had dreamed of or so carefully planned for.

Fuck them for the out of control spending and money printing and inflation and even messing around with trying to regulate and tax crypto so we don’t have any kind of escape valve to live a normal, happy life.

Because of them, I can’t even enjoy my time off work. Even if I could plan a vacation that wouldn’t have to be canceled due to an outbreak or resultant supply chain issues, I can’t travel without severe restrictions that make it miserable and not worth the trouble.

Fuck them for making everyone into stupid monkeys fighting over opinions about data that is incomplete, misunderstood, misrepresented, or downright fixed toward a specific pharma-fascist authoritarian outcome.

And fuck them especially for being hypocrites and going to parties and generally not following their own rules they made for us when they think we’re not watching, and then persecuting and prosecuting us when we dare do the same.

Fuck ‘em all. I’m so done.

Why the hell do people make websites with VALID SSL certs redirect BACK TO HTTP? What the fuck is wrong with them?!

@JoshBent suggested that I'd make a blog about security.

Nice idea, fair enough!

*registers domain at provider with discounts at the moment*
*tries to find whois protection option*

"You can add WHOIS protection to your account as an upgrade"

*requests authorization token*

*logs into usual domain name provider account*

*transfers domain name*

*anonymizes WHOIS details within two seconds*

I could've stayed and ask them about the cost etc but the fact that they even HAVE a price for protecting WHOIS data is a no-go for me.

Fuck domain name resellers which ask money for protecting ones WHOIS information (where possible).

If you ever cooperate on a feature like this as a developer, I will find out where you live, drug you just enough to make your body limp, and mutilate your genitals with my keyboard.

Fucking sexist pricks, assuming I want to play with the blue robots and not the pink dolls. Fuck all of them.

Actually, fuck all your retarded cablecutting VOD services with your awful recommendation engines. Fuck your lack of proper playback features, fuck your bloated mobile apps, fuck your vendor lockins, fuck your region locks.

I'm back to pirating, and I'll just buy a pile of merch, trot proudly through the office with an Adventure Time backpack and a laptop full of Steven Universe stickers.

Working with a team of 5 for a college project.
Told them how to use GitHub.
Guess what.
Fuck you and fuck GitHub, they are sending me Dropbox links to download project (npm modules included).

I’m out, fuck this class and fuck college i just can’t

You can believe or not but it’s just one of those stories. It’s long and crazy and it probably happened.

A few years ago I was interviewed by this big insurance company. They asked me on linkedin and were interested. They didn’t specify who they were so I didn’t specify who I am either.

After they revealed who they are I was just curious how they fuck they want to spend those billions of dollars they claimed in their press notes about this fucking digital transformation everyone is talking about. The numbers were big.

I got into 3 or 4 phone/skype interviews without technical questions and I was invited to see them by person.
I know that it would be funny because they didn’t asked me for CV so they didn’t know anything about me and I was just more curious how far I can get without revealing myself.

They canceled interview at midnight and I was in the middle of Louis de Funès comedies marathon so I didn’t sleep whole night. I assumed they would just reschedule but then they phoned me at 8 am if I can come because they made mistake.

So at first talk I was just interviewed by some manager I knowed after 5 minutes he would be shitty as fuck and demand stupid things in no time because he is not technical. He was trying to explain me that they got so great people and they do everything so fast.

From my experience speed and programming are not the things that match. ( for reference of my thought see three virtues of a GREAT programmer )

So I just pissed them off by asking what they would do with me when I finish this transformation thingy next year. ( Probably get rid off and fire at some point were my thoughts )

Then I got this technical interview on newest gold color MacBook pro - pair programming ( they were showing off how much money they have all the time ).
The person asked me to transform json and get some data in javascript .

Really that was the thing and I was so bored and tired that I just asked in what ES standard I can code.
The problem was despite he told me I can do anything and they are using newest standards ( yeah right ) the “for of” loop didn’t worked and he even didn’t know that syntax existed. So I explained him it’s the newest syntax pointing mozilla page and that he need to adjust his configuration. Because we didn’t have time for that I just did it using var an function by writing bunch of code.
When he was asking me if I want to write some tests probably because my code looked ugly as fuck ( I didn’t sleep for more then 24 hours at that point and wanted to live the building as fast as I can) I told I finished and there is no time for tests because it’s so simple and dumb task. The code worked.

After showing me how awesome their office is ( yeah please I work from home so I don’t care ) I got into the talk with VP of engineering and he was the only person who asked me where is my CV because he didn’t know what to talk about. I just laughed at him and told him that I got here just by talking how awesome I am so we can talk about whatever he wants.
After quick talk about 4 different problems where I introduced 4 different languages and bunch of libraries just because I can and I worked with those he was mine.

He told me about this awesome stack they’re building with kubernetes and micro services and the shitty future where they want to put IOT into peoples ass to sell them insurance and suddenly I got awake and started to want that job but behind that all awesomeness there was just .NET bridge with stack of mainframes running COBOL that they want to get rid off and move company to the cloud.

They needed mostly people who would dump code to different technology stack and get rid of old stack ( and probably those old people ) and I was bored again because I work more in r&d field where you sometimes need to think about something that don’t exist and be creative.

I asked him why it would take so much time so he explained me how they would do the transformation by consolidating bunch of companies and how much money they would make by probably firing people that don’t know about it to this day.

I didn’t met any person working permanently there but only consultants from corporations and people hired in some 3rd party company created by this mother company.

They didn’t responded with any decision after me wasting so much time and they asked me for interview for another position year after.
I just explained HR person how they treat people and I don’t want to work there for any money.

If You reached this point it is the end and if it was entertaining thank YOU I did my best.

Have a nice day.

Just read that EU may planning regulating Algorithms...

What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?

They want that programmers make their Algorithms public accessible for transparency and say what algorithms are allowed to do, because people are scared of them?!

MY BRAIN HURTS AFTER THAT FUCKING GENERAL DATA PROTECTION BULLSHIT THEY WANT TO REGULATE HOW OUR PROGRAMS SHOULD WORK?!

AHDHSHSJSDHJABDJS SHDNSBDBSNSN *RAGEQUIT*

!dev

I live next to a nightclub and went outside for a fag.

It’s wet, 2:30am and kinda cold.

A girl and her boyfriend come out of the club..
Her feet hurt because of her high heels so she takes them off, walking on the wet, cold road barefoot now.
Her boyfriend sees it and tells her to put them back on.
She denies.

He takes off his shoes and gives them to her (good boyfriend...) she puts them on, almost falling over cause she’s hammered as fuck, takes them off again and says they don’t fit and look stupid on her..

WTF, I understand taking the shoes off When she’s drunk but I don’t understand how the fuck she could care if it looks good at half 2 in the morning in an empty town..

I’ve seen it all now..

#onlyInIreland

Me: let's try to be a little social and make some friends and talk to people nicely

After 5 very hard minutes of trying
Me: fuck them!! where's my laptop

MAJOR RANT:

Bug in question: Shortened URLs (that we generate dynamically because fuck you) would have a pipe character added in them, obviously breaking the URL.

I SPENT 3.5 DAYS DEBUGGING A MASSIVE, FRANKENSTEIN-LIKE CODE BASE TO FIND THIS:

Why... why the fuck do people write unit tests and then comment out the god damn fucking assertion lines....
Like what the flying fuck? Cool, we can get some code coverage marks but for fuck sake actually let your tests do their fucking job!!!

Oh, the asserts fail?
Well fucking sort that shit out instead of commenting them out.

I don't get it, if you're going to write tests, fucking test something with them, or we'd be better of without them.

Emojis can make messages playful, fun, exciting.
Your documentation and commit logs should be none of this.
Keep your emojis the fuck out of them.

There are two types of people on DevRant:

Those who add tags
and
those who give a fuck about them.

Am I the only one who hates in app browsers? I fucking hate them. If I want to look at something later, I like to click the link, then close chrome. I'll have the tab to return to it later. But these shitty in app browsers that you can't turn off makes that a pain in the ass.

My wifi was hacked two times last year, so I decided to change the factory credentials. Some months ago a tree fell on top of the cables on the street, cutting my internet connection. I call the ISP and when they get here they say I have no right for costumer support as I have altered my own connection.
WHAT. THE. FUCK
I had to revert the credentials to admin/admin in order get my internet back. These ISPs live in the fucking stone age. How the fuck do they force me to fucking have my router exposed with a fucking "admin/admin".
Fuck them.
I hope some day we have a cable revolution and finally have some rights over the networks we pay for with both tax money and excesive fees with low fucking speeds. Fuck them. Really.

jQuery & Bootstrap

Not exactly fads but I'd like to take this opportunity to say fuck them.

Many times I struggled to find the right words to ask people to fuck off. Now I remind them of social distancing.

Devops scheduled an automated live release for 5pm.
I saw them drive out of the car park at 4:30pm.
Not a single fuck given 😂

WHY THE FUCK are HTML emails such a pain in the ass. I now feel extra sorry for all the devs out there that have to make those things for them to simply annoy people

Just upgraded to Android 12 and what the fuck is this new UI

make it stop

Hm yes let's make the buttons 14 times larger than they need to be, also put text on them no one ever needed

I created account for posting this...

Fuck managers. They gave me requirements 2 weeks back. I completed them and showed them today. Now they (piece of shit) say it's not what they needed. If they aren't sure about requirements why the fuck you give requirements... Fuck...

Waiting for new requirements....

Why the fuck am I - who never had a girlfriend in his life - the person my friends come to to get relationship advice?

Well, I can tell them what no to do...

FUCK THEM FOR CHANGING MY PAYROLL.
MY GROSS RATE DROPPED 50$. AND THAT'S NOT WHAT WE AGREED ON. FUCK THAT COMPANY. I'LL JUST GO AWOL AND NEVER MENTION ANY OF THEIR COMPANY AGAIN.

Went in to the therapist today. Their impression is I'm likely okay. Wait until I show them the cluster fuck that is Java Enterprise. 🙃

So I bought myself some computer glasses after feeling uncomfortable looking at a screen with "bare" eyes (I don't wear corrective glasses).

But the other day, I lost them.

I looked for them everywhere, under each grain of dust I could find. They were nowhere to be found.

Reluctantly, I bought new ones. They arrived today, I unpack them, test them, and then do some flat cleaning. I lift some envelope and...

My first pair was sitting there, innocently.

Fuck me.

I've been calling the W3 Consortium every day for the past week leaving the same message:

"Why the fuck doesn't CSS "vertical-alignment" work on all elements?"

Still waiting for them to return my call..

Fuck stripped screws. A big FUCK to all those manufacturers using fucking cheap screws. Fuck them all.
Now, I am stuck here. Don't have the equipment to remove this motherfucker.

Fuck you and your bullshit Teams meetings.
I hope you die a painful and slow death while your servers burst in flames and you hang yourselves.
You schedule 4 of them, then bitch about how developers aren’t getting any work done.
Maybe if you didn’t suffocate them with your bullshit meetings they would.
I am looking forward for the contract to expire or in this project so I can finally get some peace.

Fuck your stupid meetings. You deserve to be arrested and shot by the Gestapo (or KGB, whichever you find more evil).

Gitlab's CI/CD, Jenkins, TeamCity, Travis, Bamboo,.....

Fuck it, I'm too lazy to learn them all to pick the best choice for my case.

Meet 'pipeline.bash'

Perfect!

What the fuck is wrong with me??

So many projects, but didn't finish them at all 🙇🤦🏼‍♀️

At that point, fuck jobs. I'm going to a tropical island to sip fruity rum drinks with little umbrellas in them while watching downloaded internet porn.

Me: let's implement reusable code
Them: Fuck no...

***brawl***
🤦🏽‍♂️

I work with junior developers, guiding them and teaching them on a daily basis.. my biggest pet peeve?
When they finish typing code and without testing it ask: "Is this right?"

HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW? Seriously! I don't know what all your specs are, maybe try running it before asking??

ffs.

!Dev

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO MEET STUPID RELATIVES.

I HAVE NOT MET THEM FROM PAST 5 YEARS AND NOW MY PARENTS ARE FORCING ME TO MEET THEM SAYING THAT YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MEET THEM FOR QUITE A LONG WHILE (BECAUSE I AM SHIFTING 5000 KM FOR JOB).

NO, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AND WON'T TRAVEL FOR 6 HRS JUST FOR THEM TO SAY YOU ARE SHY. NO I AIN'T SHY YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

To my ex-coworkers who used to tease me about using Vim although I never bragged or even talked about it to any of them, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

Have you ever checked your Teams logs??!
It even logs mouse/keyboard and window activity...

And reports it to your employer with fucking colorfull dashboards. Fuck them...

I'm in internship, why the fuck am I the one explaining them how to use git, Android studio????? Why am I the project manager?????? I'm supposed to learn from you not the opposite. Fuck this monkey.

Found three questions on different websites, each describing exactly the problem I'm having right now. Neither one of them has a solution... FUCK.

Fuck all managers who expects us to deliver a completely new feature before the holidays when in reality it would take thrice the time left until everyone is on vacation. Fuck them all with a cactus.

Holy fucking shit! What the actual fuck is this?!!!

The funny part: this is not the worst e-mail I got from them, the person who is responsible for these e-mails should have been fired 2 years ago.

Beginning Open Beta testing for a chatbot in a thursday

Friend: What the fuck are these inputs?

Me: just filter them out

Friend: Good fucking lord I was right to disable unsupervised learning

Me:Now you know

Fuck whoever invented caramel and chocolate and particularly whoever mixed them. How am I supposed to stop eating this? It so fucking delicious.

Me. Everyday. I was actually fired for “unprofessional conduct.” Apparently screaming fuck at everyone and telling them to get fucked when they’re being stupid isn’t professional.

I like to think of my behavior as “informal.” 😉

Every time I got a mandatory security question, I type in "go fuck yourself with a cactus". There's only one answer for all of them.

A pm once told me that the whole point of managing someone was to give them the stuff you don't want to do.

From that project I learned that he didn't like to take responsibility for his own fuck ups.

About to send my entire department on Vacation Leave today for the next week. We have 3 days of work before we go on holiday leave (next week). And I want to give them a 3 day head start because fuck everyone else and I want me boys to enjoy shit beforehand.

Fuck you, managers do care.

FUCK BITCOIN! YOU CAN'T BY ANY GRAPHICS CARD IN RUSSIA BECAUSE OF THEM! THANK GOD I'M MOVING TO USA

Why the fuck would you allow special characters in your passwords, when some of them are considered "potentially dangerous!" can't even login ffs!

Nothing irks me more than when I sit down with a fellow student and try to help them with a programming assignment that I’ve already completed and after clearly explaining everything to them they just say “Can I take a picture of your code?”. Uhm... no. Fuck you.

Sorry English is not my mother tongue. How do I say "fuck you" politely to them? 😔

WELL FUCK YOU REDDIT, I TRY NOT TO ADBLOCK YOU BUT NOW YOU START WITH THE AUTO PLAY ADS WITH NO WAY TO MUTE OR PAUSE THEM? FUCK YOU!

It's so fucking great to be the only dev that uses Linux here and the servers are all Linux and the windows devs sometimes don't give a fuck about case sensitivity... Just fuck them all!!!!!!

Just wrote a examn about IPs an totally fucked it up. I hate subnet masks. SERIOUSLY, FUCK THEM

AAAHHHH fuuuuuu

💔

Wow, after 4 years of working with PHP, and now working with NodeJS and ASP Core, I gotta admit that PHP is pure shit.
It's really awesome to see the documentation provided for NodeJs and ASPCore.
75% of PHP documentation isunreadable crap. Every fucking variable starts with a fucking dollar sign, wtf! How unpleasant is to read that. And holy mother of god, why concatenate with a dot ? We all know "+" means "add, aggregate, etc". PHP is unreadable as fuck. Fuck laravel, fuck Yii, fuck Composer.

Seriously guy, move to NodeJs or AspCore. Both of them are pretty good.

Google has a password reset procedure so intense, that even if I can sign into my recovery account and give them the code from there, use 2 factor auth and give them the code from there, tell them my recovery phone(s) number(s), give them my mother's father's mother's late cousin twice removed daughter's maiden name, and whatever other security measures were set in place, I can't get a fucking password reset. Thanks Google, fuck you.

Okay, fuck it. I'm going to buy $20 worth of every penny crypto currency until one of them explodes making me a millionaire

This is big brain time

We do more than just pay you in exposure

Fuck your clients, right...? A small town bank I’m doing some security work for; I had them create me a test account. I received an email with my password; are you fucking serious...?

Some people in my company wants reports in excel but doesn't know how to use filter. Their daily job requires them to have excel knowledge. What the fuck is happening over here. Motherfuck!

"how did you make that app?"
"nice website, how'd you make it?"
"I thought only geniuses could make x? how'd you make x?"

maybe because I put in half a fucking ounce of effort into making it. please kindly shut the fuck up and realize that I don't care enough to tell you how I did it, because it would take more fucking effort to tell you than to walk away (surprise?). no I will not take your idea in consideration. why? because it's not worth fucking considering. go fuck yourself. and don't ask me the same thing tomorrow you cunt.

Fuck you for testing devs with them online algo tests instead of giving them real projects to do as a way to assess their coding skills

The lack of ability to think logically in some peoples brain is astonishing. And annoying, when you have to work with them. Fuck me.

oh fuck there's no toilet paper i just wanna buy ONE SIX-PACK OF THEM OK

End of adventures of the COO and Start of a new beginning

It takes years to improve a company and takes only a few months for a dumbass with shit for brain to take it all down

After four years working ( underpaid ) in a digital advertising agency helping the company grow, getting global exposure and few awards later, last Friday was my last day

To all the future and current CEO's out there, Don't hire someone just cause you know them, hire them for their skills or their brain power

I've seen fucking clay pots with more brains than this COO

OneDrive: where we duplicate your files instead of synchronizing them correctly because fuck that.

On a completely unrelated note......Love Death and Robots is on Netflix and shit is sooo good it ain't funny.

10/10 would recommend.

CEO: Please have the dev ready to update Product on 8/20.
Me: That's premature.
CEO: Okay, let them know they'll be updating the team on 8/20.

Fuck. You.

Fuck group projects/labs. I hate them. I typically find myself explaining basic shit that was covered in previous lectures, or just doing all the work myself because they could care less.

Recipe sites are the absolute aids.

Ad covered, half the time they feature some bullshit story nobody cares about, and it takes ages to scroll through them.

Fuck this is bad.

I'm so fucking done with net neutrality. the only ones who want it are verion, comcast, and other big isps.

fuck them.

this is fucking merica. nobody wants it, and this is a government designed for the people. I guess it only works in theory.

the talk about this has been fucking exhausting. how much clearer could it be?

how does it keep coming up? so much of the economy is online. why would congress want this? this should be a fucking fundamental right. no bs, just fast speeds everywhere. i hate all the isps thinking that because the world is so reliant on the internet, they control everything.

isps are a service. that's it.

they're not a profiler or advertiser, just a service.

and if that changes, I'll buy a bunch of flash drives and go offline.

bottom line, we should have privacy, neutrality, and a safe web. fuck those greedy bastards.

When i ask you a question through skype or mail, I expect a fucking answer.
You might just say that you don't know. That is okay.
But we all fucking work from home and I can see you're there. FUCKING ANSWER YOU INCOMPETENT, USELESS, UNPROFESSIONAL SACK OF SHIT.
It is so fucking counterproductive. I fucking hope all the chocolate chips in your life turns out to be raisins.

It is fucking impossible to underestimate these people.

I am seriously jealous of all of you here on devrant, for not having met these washed up twats.

Seems like the ad spammers are quite active recently. I‘m worried.

Also: fuck every single one of them human scum.

What the fuck? Calling someone by Mr {name} or Mrs {name} is impolite and insulting? But when I call them by their name, they say I am disrespectful.

So how am I addressing you then ?
"hey you " <- like this?

What the fuck?

These script kiddies fuck with my error metrics! I want 0 !

I swear I'll find them! Even enabled IP log for every request contain “.php”.

Needless to say, app is not even in PHP and PHP isn’t even present on server

My small robot family at an convention of the company I'm working at. We're evaluating how we can use robots in banking. Maybe some day we can put them into a real bank office, but the path is tough because robots sometimes have there own mind and not giving a fuck about what I program them to do...

FUCK!
After submitting a registration form I noticed the site is served over plain HTTP. Their marketing site is served encrypted, but login and register are not! What the fuck!!!

Fuck everyone who does this stupid fucking shit with disregard to basic security features! Their goddamn bullshit privacy policy is bragging about how it's top priority to protect their customers' information and shit like that. Get the fuck out, cunts!!

I contacted them so I might have a continuation to this rant if I'm not satisfied with their answers.

Goddamn it!

Sometimes I think that Fuck, Shit & Cunt just don’t carry the weight needed anymore. Maybe I use them too much?...

I'm managed by idiots who don't fully realize the nightmare they're creating.

They're making small operational changes, but hundreds of them with zero evidence to back their claims up.

When I bring up how it actually works, and how operations actually work I'm told I don't use the tools as much as management does and that my feedback is limited to how I use the tool.

So now I'm just gambling that they won't fuck up too bad before I get that sweet sweet sellout money and just letting them fuck everything up they want without any warnings from me.

I'm quickly learning that the phrase of the year is, "Fuck em".

Anyone else bombard by those treehouse ads? Fuck them, right? Takes us real devs years to become full stack engineers, not "six weeks"!!! Fucking scam.

Fuck Udemy adverty. "You should learn this online machine learning course, it's taught by an 'expert' instructor, you'll learn algorithms in pythaan and 'arr, make robust models, add value to your business." Fuck off with your buzzword mumbo jumbo and just be straight with people, don't treat them like idiots.

related rant
if you do the conception of a web site in Photoshop/illustrator
and don't provide the text in a copypastable format FUCK YOU
if you use print ready images that are extra huge for web, and are of arbitrary sizes, and then placing them behind a mask FUCK YOU
also your fucking banners are square shaped , and the slider is wider than your mom,
.... man fuck this

Fuck all the neverending js frontend frameworks. And fuck everybody who worships them

Windows keeps uninstalling touchpad drivers after update and tells that i didn't need them, well touchpad is not working after uninstalling drivers you fuck.

Client: Hey guys! Let us start a bunch of projects that are all dependent on each other and expect them to deliver those on time.

Me: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

So our team is scaling and we've been handling increased workload and I've been wanting to hire two juniors ever since. Finally narrowed down the candidates to three, but I couldn't decide between them so after some careful considerations, I've decided to hire all three. Fingers crossed I have enough time to mentor and manage the three of them and I don't fuck them up.

Exclude Apple from any web standard influence in the future. They clearly don’t give a fuck about the web from the evidence of them purposefully downgrading their PWA features just because they are salty that the EU forced them to allow other non-WebKit browsers on iOS. What a bunch of pieces of shit. Fuck Apple for being a fucking corporate spoiled child.

Two hours renaming files because some fucking idiot has named them inconsistently!!!

No way to do it with a script!!

FUCK!

Fuck IE, Edge, everyone who worked on them and their ancestors.

Specially fuck their obtuse need to utterly ignore common standard expected fucking behaviour for CSS

I thought noise cancelling headphones were a universal sign and courteous way of saying "I'm busy, fuck off" but apparently that doesn't seem to translate to my team. Every time I put these things on people start trying to talk over/through them.

How else do I let my team know to fuck off?

*client comes to us "please take care of our app, it's ugly and the previous devs made it all buggy, especially the Android version"
*we write code, analyze bugs, fix them, QA them
*we deliver a preview
*client only looks at the iOS app, doesn't give a flying fuck to the Android app

Fuck today and fuck every piece of shit manager and non-dev coworker that thinks they contribute anything meaningful besides being a fucking idiot and making things complicated. I hope my team, except for the other devs, jumps off a bridge into a valley of dicks and spikes. I hope my client tells them to personally fuck themselves for being such a useless waste of space. Fuck off and die cunts.

FUCK THESE FUCKING GPDR! FUCK THESE SITES! FUCK EVERY LITTLE COCKSUCKING BASTARD POPUP!
I click DISAGREE ON EVERY FUCKING POPUP! YET THESE BASTARDS SELL MY DATA LIKE EXOTIC BUTTERS! FUCK THEM ALL!

Long story short,

Fuck programmers who call them selves entrepreneurs (pronounced in French), I'm going to entre-preneur my dick in your fucking worthless calculator you piece of camel cum!!!

First of all: FUCK MS WORD!!!
second: even tho I LOVE LaTeX, fuck LaTeX tables!!!

I mean, yeah, I am used to them, but maaaaaaaannn

Fuck windows, fuck macOS, fuck php, fuck nodejs, fuck this, fuck that....

With all the bashing over everything, I think I’ll go back to VB6... at least no ones hating on that!

Do i like stickers? I do.
Does that mean that I consider myself a pro? No
I just like them.
So fuck you assuming things that don’t make any fucking sense.

There is always that one guy.. who doesn't give a fuck about testing and thinks he's not responsible for them...
Le Guy: lemme just push ma new code maan
Jenkins: Unit Tests failed - pls fix
Le Guy to the one who cares about testing: hey fuck uu, ur stupid tests are failing... fix them its ur problem.
*sigh*

I hate this trend. Take up the whole screen for one big nothing. Yep, 1920x1080 is apparently not enough to show me more than motto, one link and freaking big image nobody care about.

Fuck, i must code it. Oh damn, there is 8 same sections on the whole page. Don't worry, not a single one of them worth reading! FUCK YOU designers!

What the fuck?
Are vegans that special to need a fucking own dating site??!
Are normal dating sites not good enough for them?

Funny part is that he says there have been some other vegan dating sites before. None of them did it. Of course his will! Because his sites will do ads. And ads means thousands of users!

Why the fuck do some companies make it seem like you need them more than they need you? Also, what the fuck is with organizations who antagonize you when you make a small mistake? Do all of the good things we've done get thrown under the bus because of one mistake???? Fucking corporations!!!!!!!

It's computer science college, and yet :

Them : ... so thats how my project goes ! it's fun!
Me : whoa that's cool, do you use javascript?
Them : ... umm
Me : ...I suppose??
Them : uh, i use node and bulma actually.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Assignment release: this is a basic assignment that is supposed to help you understand the basics of memory allocation. You are free to use any design you want, however you can implement more advanced features that would lean towards specific designs. What will be punished is that you don't have a dynamic memory allocator. We will run the tests for these offline after the deadline

2 days before the deadline: we released the tests for checking whether you're allocating memory dynamically, but these tests also check for this specific design. So fuck you for choosing any other design than this one. Have fun on sleepless nights.

Fuck me, I guess, for worthlessly working on a different design than they wished for, but didn't specifically ask for from the beginning. I just wasted 2 weeks of my life and feel unmotivated af to do anything anymore regarding this. Fuck this shit. Fuck them. Fuck this course.

Mother fucking candy crush cunts fucking Microsoft FUCK OFF REPEATEDLY REINSTALLING THIS FUCKING SHIT!!! THREE FUCKING TIMES TODAY I HAVE 'UNINSTALLED' THEM. Yet somehow, they keep FUCKING COMING BACK. not updating, haven't even clicked ok to install them, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CONTROL MY PC MØRE THAN I DO! FUCK OFF!

The Windows taskbar programmer, the steam app programmer and anyone who supports either of them can go fuck themselves.

Look at the exit button, the most used button at the bottom.

Have to go take medical analysis, take them to my doctor, go buy two pants for running, work 10 hours at least and go for a party. I think my day will be short as fuck

Fuck Shibboleth and its documentation, fuck examples for configuring it, ops sorry they have no examples at all so fuck them, fuck SAML fuuuuck!!!!! And I almost forget FUCK JAVA

When you're done a project for someone that took 3 weeks: so you ask them to pay, and they tell you they don't want it anymore. THE FUCK

A big, fat FUCK YOU to everyone who pushes out app-updates with generic "Improvements for speed and reliability" changelogs. I hope you and all your descendants, relatives, friends and pets get huge, hairy, painful warts between your buttcheeks that grow larger every day and return after every attempt to have them removed. Fuck you, and fuck your bullshit updates.

And if there are any devs on devRant guilty of this behaviour, fuck you too. I hope your sexual organs rot and fall off, and that you lose all your upvotes.

GMT/UTC
IST
ACST
CST
PST
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.
.
.
.
Man Fuck time zones, I don't even know where I belong anymore while keeping track of all of them at once.
Fuck You In The Ass Time Zone

My family sometimes send me tick tock videos. I usually open them on brave browser. Dude, why the fuck is brave blocking "motion sensor" through camera? what kind of spying is this? tick tock is spyware and cancer fr

For the love of the almighty, merciful God, fuck IBM until their company is brought down in ruins! May the earth they worked at be salted, and may they be struck from all records! May the families who speak of sons or daughters who work there be stripped of their status in life, begging in the streets!

May nobody be allowed to list them on resumes! May nobody be allowed to work for them! May they be a blight, hidden like the dirtiest porn magazines!

May mother's weep when children apply to them! May father's disown!

May managers avoid them! May they be scoffed at like the fools of old!

Oh how the mighty have fallen! The scholars brought low! May they repent before the day of judgement! May the change their ways! May they weep with sackcloth before the world, begging to be spared!

Fuck them! If you can't tell, I am pissed off!

Now this has take my faith away from any email I receive... Fuck that shit, Suggest me ideas to reverse spam them.

The largest ISP in my country, a government backed service, hijacks URLs randomly and injects pop up into web browser!

Imagine if getting hijacked during an online transaction... Glad it never happened yet.

But Fuck them for doing this.

Why the fuck are there people in power (management positions) who are a bunch of scumbags and have literally 0 amount of trust left in their bodies? What the fuck is up with that??? If y'all have freakin issues with your subordinates, and don't trust them that they can do their work, FUCKING 👏 TALK 👏 TO 👏 THEM 👏 STAYING IN YOUR PETTY PITY PITHOLE WONT FUCKING DO ANYTHING. YOU HAVE ALREADY ACCEPTED THEM IN YOUR COMPANY AND THERE IS AN ALREADY EXISTING TALENT/RESOURCE WAITING TO BE USED BUT YOURE NOT DOING ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM THEN IDK? IF YALL COULD JUST TALK TO THEM THAT WILL BE GREAT.

BOOOOOYS

I just figured out after a year of owning the machine why the monitors felt like they were running a bit sluggish in Windows. They were!!

Even though they are 144hz monitors Windows locked them down to 60hz! Fuck, that's so dumb!

Linux didn't do that. Fuck, that's so dumb!

FUCK Banks

Fuck Banks and fuck online Banking

Fuck you for not supporting real 2FA
Fuck you for having such shitty bloated bullshit Websites and online services
Fuck you for taking forever to transfer money
Fuck you for not having public APIs Fuck you for so many uncountable reasons.

And most of all Fuck you for constantly trying to fuck me. I FUCKING HATE BANKS SO FUCKING MUCH.

I hope so much that there'll be a decentralised uncontrollable anonymous and digital currency in the future. Something like Cryptos (like BTC or ETH) but without all the major Problems they have now.

I wish there was a hell Banks could go to. I want to see them burn and suffer so fucking much not even the worst medieval torture methods are enough to satisfy me.

Not adding input validation to that one page that time.

I knew my users were bad. I knew they'd fuck up. But I trusted the spec I trusted them.

Never again.

Fuck the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. when a friend comes crying for you for help with their hacked account and you keep asking them about what they did to protect it in the first place and they reply with nothing, no recovery email, no recover phone, no secondary verification, NOTHING. and you can do nothing but stand there and watch them cry while you can literally do nothing because there literally nothing you can do to retrieve their stolen accounts. FUCK BLACK HAT HACKERS.

I hate Apple since they dropped OpenGL and Nvidia support. My question to them:

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PURPOSE OF DROPPING IT? YOU ARE JUST GETTING MORE HATE

Why the fuck would you make PHP Bitwise operations a large part of a "pHp sKiLl aSeSmeEnT"

Why the fuck would anyone use them?

Know how they say programmers don't quit jobs, they quit managers?

Imagine having 3 managers that all want 3 different things and none of them know what the fuck they're talking about.

I hate when theres simple problems I cant solve. Legit pisses me off. I cant even program a simple number sorting algorithm. 🤬

Fuck you. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Fuuuuck. I hope and dream of the day people become programmable cyborgs or stupidity is spliced out genetically. Or someone invents an implant that disables the vocal cords when stupid'O'meter goes to the red. Or a system that paralyzes the body temporarily as a fine for stupidity. Or an AI that takes over once shit is approaching unacceptable levels. SOMETHING! Some kind of an incentive for the fucking sheep to develop their little raisins. FUCK!!!?!?!!

I have a problem calling ressources.
I have a list of 4 ppl that can help me.

3 of them have no idea and the fourth is too busy to answer me.

fuck

I thought I had a great understanding of regular expressions but today I tried to use them in vim... Why the fuck they have to be so different there??

So we have 4 web apps that do basically the same thing with some nuances...

Just realized this today by trying to do something in one that is already working in 3 of them and wondering: what the fuck?

FUCK IEEE 754.
I've always thought that javascript's problem with floating points was just a good anecdote, but it couldn't have serious consequences in real life programming.

Until I've been stuck half an hour with a bug just because (2.8-0.8)%2 was falsy! FUCK, why don't decide to switch to a decent codification of numbers? Fuck them and fuck all programming languages like this

Fuck corporate proxies. Fuck having to debug them, fuck figuring out how to use them with every piece of software you need, fuck failed builds due to some repository surprisingly being blocked for unknown reason and, most of all, fuck IT staff who deny there was a problem once it mysteriously disappears.

Noobie moment with spring, wondering how the fuck to get unit tests to work in spring... might help if I put them in the tests folder...

GOD I FUCKING HATE UNITY AND FUCKING C# SO MUCH
EVERY TIME I TRY TO MAKE IT DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT IT TO IT'S LIKE "mmmmmm nah lmao" LIKE FUCK WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FOLLOW FUCKING 3 LINES OF CODE NO MATTER HOW I PUT THEM OR ORDER THEM YOU BRAINDEAD FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM

New functions? Fuck them...

Gotta love it when your client tells his whole company that they can contact you for any question related to computers. I'm a fucking developer and no first level Microsoft Windows support.

I'm so sick of fuckin constraints aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fuck. Fuck I hate them with a passion. They are so shit they are the fucking worst 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

Holy fucking shit are email clients bullshit.
I don't know what happened there but if you thought the chrome-firefox-ie-egde gaps back in the days were sick - let me tell you.. email clients are made by the devil himself. All of them. All of them? Yup. Because he made some of them being owned by apple, working beatuiful and no weird stuff.
But on the same end he made some of them owned by microsoft and their office Studios. They use the word engine to render html emails. Read this again. Read it without starting to cry in agony.
But thats not enough. Let's make some of them use an ie-engine and the mac os variants going to use some webkit based renderer. This way there will be no valid ruleset to make it look good on all of them, isn't this great??
Now this might be hell already. But lets pour more salt into these wide opened wounds.
Let there be Germany and United Internet, owning trash like Web.de and GMX, whose android clients going to work completely different across Android and app-versions!
Once you've mastered these, let me introduce you to gmail. Lets take only the body node of your email and do some fuck up with it, so you have to display a non-responsive variant on mobile.
Now you might be thinking "but there are web-based clients, they'll do good ain't they?" Long story short: fuck you.
Not enough.
Let's go back to ms.
Hey dude lets make it possible to scale up your whole system. So old people can read shit better. And now the funny part: let's make it so that the word rendering engine, rendering emails goes completely mayhem on your mail, so it looks like a completely different thing! (:

If you ever receive a newsletter in your inbox and that shit looks like it's planned to look like.. appreciate that shit. Sacrifice a virgin as thanksgiving for it.

TL;DR:
E-Mail needs to die. I'm doing this for over 2 years now and this shit needs to stop asap.

Am I the only one who is still using Windows 7 for non geeky stuff?!
Fuck your updates, dear Microsoft. Fuck them.

Fuck eclipse....
Ugly, Heavy, Shitty, won't select tomcat 8.5 from its shitty server's list.....
Back to my lovely simple text editor and terminal... I can rely on them always.

When the client wants to go live with his website and there are big gaps in content. I have told them every Monday for the past 3 weeks that there are big holes in content and they need to go on the Cms and start populating. Nothing happens and he keeps on asking when can we go live. Fuck fuck fuck them all.

NFTs and cryptocurrency is a scam and it annoys the fuck out of me that big names keep pushing them... Especially people in software development that really should be able to see through the bullshit.

"please try again later" is said when you dont know what the fuck is the problem but you dont want to lose the customer of your app so instead of them uninstalling your broken shit you fearfully tell them "keep trynna do the thing but later, later so u dont forget us cz of how shitty we are"

When you type W in your browser but you accidentally press ctrl...

Told my client last october that I would not be doing a migration.

Two weeks ago they wanted me to do the migration and I told them I will do my best to create estimates but that it was the first time.

Gave them a resonable estimate to migrate the content.

And last meeting they cut the time by 70% to meet the budget.

Fuck the budget, can't pay then you don't get the shiny new toy.

I'm a contractor, not a fucking employee. So all the extra hours are on me.

Going to give them a piece of my mind today.

If I lose this client, i don't give a fuck.

Fuck Emby and their decision to go proprietary. A lot of good folks worked their asses off helping make Emby what it is today and they turn around and fuck the open source community.

I'm glad Jellyfin decided to fork them and continue the work there.

LukePulverenti you can go fuck yourself!

My day today:
- tell everyone to fuck off and are idiots politely from 10 to 4
- tell them if they won’t fuck off now I will start looking for a job - 1 hour
- listening them apologizing me - 1 hour
- code and solve problems - 1 hour

Mondays

Hopefully I start working on Tuesday.

Fuck mi ISP, really, fuck it.
It left the whole city without internet access for 3 days, and it's service is HORRIBLE.
Not only that, they don't expand the network they have and we are stuck with 5mbps! (3, effectively).
Imagine trying to download a file, while 2 other people are watching YouTube, and 2 other devices are PLAYING NETFLIX. OF COURSE IT WILL STOP WORKING.
I COULDN'T EVEN POST A RANT WITH AN IMAGE (it'd stuck loading for minutes).
I am trying to get a new ISP and this one will be wire to my personal PC, fuck them. However, as a house in the suburbs of a small satellite city, it's hard to get a decent new service.

Fuck off OneDriveSetup.exe, nobody asked you to install anything. This "i7" is only dual-core, and I need both of them to run my code, kthx.

Finding out a colleague that you thought you got on well with thinks you're too big for your boots, the day you've been offered a full-time contract.
Fuck them. I'm gonna work my arse off and show them that my boots fit just fine, thank you very much!

> Ask scrum master question on teams

No response for 45 mins

> Ask colleague on teams

No response for 45 mins

....

Fuck it. Im going to the shitter to take a big fat shit!

*12 shits later*

Come back and see a missed call and 4 new messages from them both

.....

Cant even take a fucking shit properly! Fuck off

fuck!

When your hard drive crashes, and the most annoying thing you forgot to save is the color/syntax theme on your favourite editor.

(I'm canadian... favourite, not favorite, shutup red squiggly)

fuck!

45 minutes scrolling between color schemes in sublme.. none of them seem right.

Maybe it's monokai? I think...
or was it oceanic

FUCk!

oh well at least it looks like I'm working.

I can now tell if a client will be difficult before... I do the work.

Good skill to have, I can tell them to fuck off

Fuck them all who say Java and JavaScript are the same !!!

Feel like to punch them at that instant.

Fucking help vampires that can't even say thanks when you bend over backwards to help them.

Fuck you.

Dfox should make a script to pull all the creative curses from devrant and publish a list of them.

Like search for every standard curse (fuck, shit, cunt, etc) and then print them out with the five or so words before and after it to hopefully capture most of the longer creative swears.

Ok...
FUCK ASUS
...
FUCK THEM...
PREBUILD PC? YEAH... BROKE AFTER A FUCKING YEAR... AN ASSFUCKED YEAR! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD SUCH A SHIT OF A MACHINE...
Oh well... saved the grafics card, HDD and SSD... time to get new Parts and build a custom one myself...
FUCK YEAH!
Warranty you say? No i tell you...

Another day, another datetime conversion problem.

So,the lecturer is discussing with the other lecturers to not let us cs101 students use lists when writing our Python solutions because he says that the students don't know how to think in terms of lists.fuck,coz literally every single solution of mine used lists.If they subtract marks,i will not put up with that.Just because the other students have absolutely damn no clue about what they doing when they using lists it doesn't mean they can stop me.

Fuck printers, stupidass machines never working when you actually need them and are in a hurry. Fucking cunts made them ink cartridges fucking more expensive than gold too. Costs of production of as well printer as cartridges are nearby fucking zero, get a fucking grip on yourselfs cunts. Jesus fucking Christ.

Fuck libraries and them not updating their own documentation.

Nicehash could fuck up big time and I'd still believe them. What a name they've got

Anybody here know that shitty service called Birthday Reminder? Yeah? Fuck them.

Never signed up for the bullshit, but because some kiddo's I was in class with 10+ years ago (I think it started when i was ~12 yrs old) did, I keep on getting their spam. They have an unsubscribe button in their emails, directing me to a page that says I can only unsubscribe if I log in.
FUCK YOU.
I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR YOUR SHITTY SERVICE AND I REALLY DONT WANT TO DO NOW EITHER.

Ofc I emailed them politely to remove both my email addresses from their databases.
And they are politely ignoring me.
Fuck you.

PS yes I know I can mark them as spam, but I prefer just not receiving their shit at all. I have a very clean spam folder.

Having a narcissist as a friend can depreciate your mental energy so much that you just want to scream "fuck off... nobody gives a fuck about you".
but you know doing that will scatter the little fantasy world they surround themselves with and open them to a harsh reality.
so for me, I just go with the flow

I have more interviews from several different companies than the number of jobs i ever worked in my entire life. Soon I'll start charging them for interviewing me, $100 an hour or fuck off and lick my balls

I'm so glad I'm leaving my company soon. Big international group. At the moment they've started to change everything at our desks to make a giant open-space. Ignoring that literally 100% of the studies prove it's a bad idea for worker productivity and health. And then they dare lie to our faces that it's more productive, increases communication and makes employees happier.
Sure, with that they make savings and can add more desks... for contractors because fuck having real employees right ? It's much better to be able to fire them whenever they want !!
NO IT DOES NOT YOU FUCK FACES
FUCK OPEN SPACES, FUCK YOUR SAVINGS AND FUCK YOU

Javaw.exe not found. Why the fuck do I have open like 10 files and hand modify them before developing anything useful in Windows...

nextjs is cancer framework. Shit so muddied together u cant maintain this shit. Random errors u have no idea where they coming from. Oh my God the hydration and useContext errors! Fuck them. Fuck nextjs

why the fuck those images wouldn't load? they come corrupt from K8S, but they are fine if I run the container locally, like... wtf? is Ingress NGINX doing something to them or did I configure something wrong?!

if the documentation of a class just has a table of function params and return types without any example snippets of how to use them, fuck you and your entire stack and your entire docs.

Fuck you facebook
Fuck you zuckerberg and your dumb support.

Your fuckin shitty platfoem became even more garbage. You ban accounts for no fuckin reason. People reporting accounts continuously for posts that are in a closed group that the first thing the group description declares that if you feel offended you should just leave and the posr are jokes.

And fuck your support too for not fuckin being helpful while you explain to them that you are targered.

Fuck you, seriously, people can’t even take a joke and you fuckin support them.

I hope your trash platform dies.

Fuck being asked every time if I fix computers, Bitch I code in them!
It's like being asked: do you fix cars? No? But if work using your car, how come you don't know how to fix them?

You know what's bullshit? Clients who take all their time to reply something, to the point where you even forget you tried to reach them in the first place and expect for you to answer/fix something right in the second. Fuck them.