Senior Dev: "Be mindful of what you email to the team, some may be rubbed the wrong way."

Me: "I'm going on a year, I figured it was okay to send a meme when appropriate like [the other guy]."

Senior Dev: "Well, [the other guy] has been here for 17 years, so it's sort of expected from him."

Me: "You know what would be weird? If I was here for 17 more years and then 'started' having fun with the team."

Senior Dev: "Yes, but [the other guy] is the only one doing his particular job, which makes him important, so he tends to get away with more."

Me: "No, I get it. If you're a linchpin you can reply with cat memes, but people like me need to mind their place."

Senior Dev: "It's an uncomfortable conversation, but it's all bureaucracy."

Me: "Duly noted. But could you please forward me the specific email I sent that caused the concern?"

Senior Dev: "I'm not sure what the exact email was, when it was sent, or specifically whom it offended."

Me: "Okay, because that would be like me walking up to you and saying that you have a problem that needs to be fixed, but I don't know what your problem is or why it needs to be addressed."

Senior Dev: "You're right, but just be mindful of the emails you send outside of the group."

Me: "I've never group-emailed anything outside of the team."

Senior Dev: "Well, I'll let you get back to work..."

[FML!] 🤦‍♂️

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.

Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌

Got laid off on Friday because of a workforce reduction. When I was in the office with my boss, someone went into my cubicle and confiscated my laptop. My badge was immediately revoked as was my access to network resources such as email and file storage. I then had to pack up my cubicle, which filled up the entire bed of my pickup truck, with a chaperone from Human Resources looking suspiciously over my shoulder the whole time. They promised to get me a thumb drive of my personal data. This all happens before the Holidays are over. I feel like I was speed-raped by the Flash and am only just now starting to feel less sick to the stomach. I wanted to stay with this company for the long haul, but I guess in the software engineering world, there is no such thing as job security and things are constantly shifting. Anyone have stories/tips to make me feel better? Perhaps how you have gotten through it? 😔😑😐

I finished two projects. Both of them need to connect to each other. However, the tool to do that is not currently licensed to achieve my desired outcome. I email my boss to check the status of the license key I need, that they promised, and the only thing I get back is "Correct." Seriously? 😠 The person who has the company credit card and authority to buy, also the same one that gives me a deadline to turn this shit in, can't give me the time of day to respond to an email? Their response wasn't even relevant. I've been trying to move beyond this roadblock for a week now! I'm a pretty independent guy, but I'm not going to buy the license myself for a tool that I didn't even want to use. So when someone comes to my cube and I'm raging on Steam, ✋ I don't want to hear anything about company time, because mine isn't being respected either. 👊👊

Also a cautionary depiction of coding in dim rooms without a dark theme...

Fuuuuck this corporate bullshit. I'm basically sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some jackass to grant me access to the server that my boss moved my code over to. Why the hell did you put my app on a production server that runs every 30 minutes...THAT I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO?? Now there's a critical bug and a $50K order in limbo because I can't push any fixes. Fuck me. The worst part will be in the next hour or so when dozens of people are calling, emailing, and attacking my cubicle like rabid animals about why orders aren't moving and I'll have to explain that production is a train wreck because reasons. Just end me.

When a small part of your company still uses production Cobol and VB6. 💀

Give them free tech support.

11.1/11.4 GB of RAM is being eaten open on boot, even though I just rebooted. Almost half of my swap is in use too. WTF! Windows is no help in explaining it either...SO ANNOYING!

DevDuck is so ducking incompetent. Just stares at me while I'm shouting at it. 🦆😭🙃

Okay, well, fuck you! Why would I wait 30 minutes? I'll just buy from Amazon, shithead.

Okay...not a rant. But my boss's boss is amazing! I've been with this company for about a year, and every time my lowly ass needs permission elevation to do something, I have to practically beg. And then I get elevated one little permission at a time. I have a presentation to the board on Tuesday, and all damn day it's been one network permission problem over the other. It's become insulting that I'm the only team member that has to beg for permission scraps. Today, they take me out to lunch and when I get back, sends an email and copies me on it basically instructing that I'm to receive near-God like permissions on the network. Quite an honor for being everyone's junior by like 20-25 years! I feel like I'm about to receive an Infinity Stone or something...best day ever!

Took me a year after graduation to land a job that stuck. Submitted about 100 job applications, most of which were immediate or semi-immediate denials. Got through one screen call and one technical call with Google before getting passed on. I did two technicals with G.E. where I really thought I knew my stuff...but didn't make the cut. I finally landed a job with a contractor for the Department of Defense, but my clearance was going to take over a year to finish, so they let me go after a couple weeks.

Every day, I would sit at Starbucks for eight hours; four of which, I would apply for jobs and practice for interviews. The other four I would self-medicate on Steam and wonder if the last six years of schooling was worth it. I was ready to move out of state and/or cut my losses to find a new industry when I was blessed with my current job.

For anyone going through what I did, don't jump straight to doubting your skills. Breaking in to an industry can be very hard. Have patience, keep getting better at what you do, and be open to opportunities. 💯👍

Slant.co is either homophobic or hacked (bottom-right)...

Cinemark's recommendation system could use some tweaking, lol.

Fucking finally

Should have kept a copy of my best code off of my work computer. That way it wouldn't have been confiscated along with the computer during the layoffs. [sniff] I had some beautiful Stored Procedures I can't satisfactorily remember how to reproduce. 😅

I don't work for Walmart, but they almost put my job in jeopardy today. I have a console app in production that pushes Walmart orders from their marketplace into our system for fulfillment. For half a year, I have handled thousands of orders, but overnight, all customers were getting massive price cuts on products in the Walmart feed! I looked at the data and initially thought it was my error due to using a quotient instead of a product in the code. But upon closer inspection, some fool at Walmart had changed code on their end without telling my team! Broke all the things. Lucky we were able to pull a full stop before we lost disgusting amounts of money, but you would think that a big player like Wally would at least announce a breaking code change to their users. 😲😡

Project requirements include a database. I don't have permissions to create a new database on the server, so I go to the person that spins up new servers and deals with group policy. They rustle some papers around, looking aggravated, throws up hands and says, "I guess I'm the DBA now..." Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do shithead? Ask the web team to do it? We don't have a DBA. My boss has been gone all week and, really, this isn't a hard task. You check a fucking box.

Whatever, I'll remember this when they need a favor from me.

I'm so tired of being on the second floor of this shitty office building. There is a constant vibration from all the employees walking around; moreover, someone walks down the aisle beside my cube...it's like a small fucking earthquake. A group or really fat person walks by? Shit's falling off my walls. Damn it all. 👊

Happy Thanksgiving, DevRanters! Gobble 'til ya wobble...

Rule 34...

A good friend connected me with a recruiter before I almost gave up looking for work in my industry. Good thing I didn't piss him off in college!

Lady comes over to my cube and stands silently until I notice her in the mirror. She cheerfully asks that I help her reset her password.

Okay...one, I'm buried up to my balls in work that needs to be done, and here she is camping, expecting me to feel a disturbance in The Force to help on her whim, when our company has an issue system for shit like this. 👊

Two, I'm 👏 a 👏 developer 👏! My sign says Software Engineer on it, which might give some context as to why she forgot her password.

Look, I was nice to her. But it seems like I'm getting more and more phone calls and surprise visits lately from people that I shouldn't be.

The Amazon Music app is so dumb. Instead of simply saying that it can't find anything for your search, it exclaims that they're experiencing difficulties, smh.

CATCH2 PLEASE DO YOU FUCKING WORK.

I HAD TO REWRITE MY FUCKING THING TWO TIMES BECAUSE YOU FUCKING RUN MY TEST CASES WEIRDLY THUS MAKING MY THINGY NOT WORK

I needed to take today off to prep for a home repair. I didn't have much notice either, but I assumed my manager would be okay with some last minute PTO because of how relaxed everyone usually is around here. Guess that didn't include me.

I should have never assumed that my boss was someone I could think of as a peer. I called their boss "Boss" one time, and they said that they don't look at it that way, and that they see me as a peer. My boss nodded in agreement, but it was all formalities, and I bought right into it. Especially since both of them, even the other guys, take time off on a whim. But I'm somehow tied to a stricter standard, even though I can't beg hard enough to get so much as an email answered for legitimate reasons. They'll jump right on my ass when they feel I'm not working as hard as them, but I get silence most of the rest of the time. Bullshit. It's no wonder the conversation changes when your boss sits down at the lunch table. How depressingly typical.

Moving my baby into prod this morning. I find that the louder my headphones are, the less I can hear myself freaking out.

The best moments are when you've been struggling with an implementation for a few days, and then things start to work. I had this happen last week. I have a Windows desktop app processing product dimensional data from multiple warehouses, then sending that data across the country and transposing into a data lake, joining several databases, and sending detailed reports. It was a struggle from start to finish, with lots of permissions issues, use cases to consider, and data accuracy. Finally, I break through and when I step back, I get to see this well-oiled machine of conjoined ideas run through to its eloquent, seemingly fleeting, conclusion. That feeling you get that makes you throw your hands in the air for a job well done! It's very exciting.

Remember the days when you had to write your own Main method? And you didn't have to rely on IntelliSense to do the remembering for you? Good times.

Fitting all of my open apps onto three monitors. I think maybe six monitors will hold them all. Ironically, staying focused is also something I struggle with. 🤦‍♂️😅

Weekend of our big re-platforming finally comes. I'm not invited for overtime work during this transition. Boss emails on Sunday wanting me to test some code.

What the actual fuck? HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Nope. Office could be on fire - not being paid? Not working. 🍺🍺🍺

I have family in town today. A week ago, I asked for this day as PTO. Denied. FML...now I can't lie and say I'm sick. Honesty is not always the best policy. 😡😡😡

Just made a damn fool of myself with a client. I handed off three projects and they had no idea what they were for and neither did I. My boss gave me these months ago. No code comments, no documentation, just some stored procedures they wanted me to actualize.

The best I could offer was to promise the client I would send a description of the projects to them as soon as my boss gets them to me. Fuck. I thought the client would know what they asked for when I showed them, but fuck me, they didn't remember. So embarrassing. 😡😡😡

Before I came along, my company was processing orders of type X by hand, taking many hours and being at greater risk of human error. So as a temporary solution, I crafted a console app to do the processing. Then, this app is needed to be accessed remotely. Because adding a newer .NET to a handful of servers was just too much to handle emotionally for management, the console app was revamped to a web app. During this revamping process, I was having my client send me an email so that I could initiate the processing myself until a friendlier UI was available. Well, I finished last night. I sent them an email explaining that it was live, gave them the address, and gave myself a high-five. A moment ago, I get an email from the client insisting that I process those orders quickly so that I don't cause a delay in shipping. FML!! Did they even READ the email I sent them?? They've been suckling at the teat for too long. Adding insult to injury, since the revamping project began, the client would CC my boss every time they emailed to have an order processed as if to hint at their frustration that the project wasn't done yet. Grr....

My company was about to spend $15,000 per month to have a mobile presence engineered and maintained from a third party. The contract was for three years, so naturally, we wanted an exit clause. When they refused, we dropped the pen and decided to roll our own mobile. Those folks are morons...I don't make $15K for month...hell, I'll do it and give you an exit clause! It's amazing how much money corporations have to throw around.

I'm not sure how efficient this is...but fuck you XML, it works...

Has anyone used catch2? How do I pass the command line arguments to a test when I have test in a separate file. The supplying main yourself document is quite useless, it only tells you how to get the arguments but not how to pass it to tests. I saw people setting a global variable in main but it’s not working for me.

Meetings...so many meetings! Things that suck the very soul from my body and break me out of the zone I worked so hard to get into. Things that could just be an email, or a chat, or a go-fuck-yourself. 😣😭