My first post on devRant. Hope you like it (is a true story)
User : Hey, can you help me with this thumbdrive? Cannot open it
Me: Sure, let me see...
At this time I noticed that the drive was leaking something and smells funny also...
Me: Did you dropped it into water or something liquid?
User: Ehmm. Yes! Washed it with bleach!
Me: But why?
User : Oh! because of viruses.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road ......

C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.

COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.

Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.

Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.

Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ' backed up' before crossing.

Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.) See also WMI Monitor.

Linux Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.

OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Microsoft's Chicken: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more its just bought the road.

Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like........ chicken.

Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.

VB Chicken: USHighways! <TheRoad.cross> (aChicken)

XP Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

The Longhorn Chicken had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.

The Vista Chicken dazzled itself with its own graphics.

This guy a legend 😂.

Dude, FUCK automated bathrooms.

First of all, what the hell is so complicated about making a motion sensing faucet that works? Why does it *need* to be motion sensing? I stand there for 5-10 seconds with my stupid soapy hands extended, waiting for a squirt of the divine liquid.

And then the immediately following experience isn't much better. Motion sensing paper towel dispenser. The first go works fine, but it always dispenses half of what you need to get your grimy paws dry. So you go in for seconds, and it just flat out ignores you. Leaves you on read. You flap your pathetic noodle arms at it again. It isn't happening. Please wait 3-5 business days.

Oh, and god forbid you forget to cover the automatic toilet with a few wasted squares. Lean into a shit ONCE and you've just been prematurely flushed. Your ass is misted with the cold, unforgiving equivalent of an automatic insult.

Asshole design

Time for a rant!.

Got a client I've just built a website for and they went live 2 weeks ago.

This morning he sends me an email saying that the website is not good enough because it's not making any sales or getting any traffic.

I send an email back asking if he has a marketing / SEO company... The response was I thought you do that as you said the site would be SEO friendly!!!.

I'm a developer! Not a marketer, fuck off.

Friend of mine killed his MacBook with some Softdrink.

Just poured it all over his poor a1502.

He let it dry for a few days, it starts to work again.
Except the battery.

Goes on Amazon and buys a new battery.

New battery doesn't work either and so he tells me about it and I as stupid as I am couldn't resist the temptation to finally work on a MacBook like my "hero" Lois Rossmann does.

So turns out the board is good.
Cleaned it up and basically nothing happened to it.

So what's the deal with "los batlerias"?

The first got hit by liquid, the second had a broken connection to a cell.
That could have happened through my friend, installing it without testing it first, or at the seller, so it being a DOA battery.

Now away from the stupidity of my friend and the situation to the actual source for this rant.

Once something happens to a modern Managed battery, the Battery Management System (BMS) disconnects the voltage from the system and goes into an error state, staying there and not powering anything ever again.
For noobs, it's dead. Buy a new one.

But It can be reset, depending you know how to, and which passwords were set at the factory.
Yes, the common Texas instruments BQ20Zxx chips have default passwords, and apple seems to leav them at default.

The Usb to SMBus adaptors arrived a few days ago and I went to prod the BMS.

There is a very nice available for Windows called BE2works, that I used the demo of to go in and figure out stuff. The full version supports password cracking, the demo not.

After some time figuring out how Smart Battery Systems (SBS) "API" works, I got to actually enter the passwords into the battery to try get into manufacturer and full access mode.

Just to realise, they don't unlock the BMS.

So, to conclude, my friend bought a "new" battery that was most likely cut out of a used / dead macbook, which reports 3000mah as fully charged instead of the 6xxx mah that it should have, with 0 cycles and 0hours used.
And non default access.

This screams after those motherfuckers scaming the shit out of people on Amazon, with refurb, reset, and locked fucken batteries.

I could kill those people right now.

Last but not least,
My friend theoretically can't send it back because I opened the battery to fix the broken connection.
Though maybe, it'll get send back anyway, with some suprise in the package.

This dish washing liquid is dope, my utensil got shiny af! 😜

When you walk into work and see this, it makes you want to walk right back out.

(Each display is a separate Ubuntu box. Six of them were down. Six.)

--- SUMMARY OF THE APPLE KEYNOTE ON THE 30TH OF OCTOBER 2018 ---

MacBook Air:
> Retina Display
> Touch ID
> 17% less volume
> 8GB RAM
> 128GB SSD
> T2 Chip (Core i5 with 1.6 GHz / 3.6 GHz in turbo mode)
Price starting at $1199

Mac Mini:
> T2 Chip
> up to 64GB RAM
> up to 2TB all-flash SSD
> better cooling than previous Mac Mini
> more ports than previous Mac Mini - even HDMI, so you can connect it to any monitor of your choice!
> stackable - yes, you can build a whole data center with them!
Price is 799$

Both MacBook Air and Mac Mini are made of 100% recyled aluminium!
Good job, Apple!

iPad Pro:
> home-button moved to trash
> very sexy edges (kinda like iPhone 4, but better)
> all-screen design - no more ugly borders on the top and bottom of the screen
> 15% thinner and 25% less volume than previous iPads
> liquid retina display (same as the new iPhone XR)
> Face ID - The most secure way to login to your iPad!
> A12X Bionic Chip - Insane performance!
> up to 1TB storage - Whoa!
> USB-C - Allow you to connect your iPad to anything! You can even charge your iPhone with your iPad! How cool is that?!
> new Apple Pencil that attaches to the iPad Pro and charges wirelessly
> new, redesigned physical keyboard
Price starting at 799$

Also, Apple introduced "Today at Apple" - Hundreds of sessions and workshops hosted at apple stores everywhere in the world, where you can learn about photography, coding, art and more! (Using Apple devices of course)

Soooo.... this shows now when I open Chrome, best joke I've seen all year.

A memorial for my favorite rant of all time "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road ......

C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.

COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.

Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.

Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.

Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ' backed up' before crossing.

Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.) See also WMI Monitor.

Linux Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.

OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Microsoft's Chicken: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more its just bought the road.

Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like........ chicken.

Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.

VB Chicken: USHighways! <TheRoad.cross> (aChicken)

XP Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

The Longhorn Chicken had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.

The Vista Chicken dazzled itself with its own graphics.

When I'm tired, I can't do a damned thing. If it takes effort or concentration, I'm useless. Games are just frustrating. If it's something enjoyable, I simply can't care enough to enjoy it. If I read a book, I can't focus on the words, and won't remember anything I read. If its mindless like watching Netflix, I won't remember the next day, or rather I'll remember just enough to ruin it for myself.

So why not sleep?

Because I've been feeling like this every day, all day long for months. No, that vile liquid called coffee doesn't help. If I rest my eyes and stop thinking for a few minutes, I wake up a little and can function normally for a minute or two before passing out again. I'm not depressed, or at least I don't think I am. I feel like my brain died or got replaced with a lizard's.

And this sucks because I'm still during the probation period at work, and learning the sprawling and intricate codebase is actually challenging. And they're giving me large tickets because I was a dummy and impressed them too much.

Idk what's wrong with me, but I hope it stops soon.
I miss being able to think and plan and do anything besides just struggle to stay awake. 😞

Fuck Reddit admins. Fuck them in ass with a rusted iron rod. Then pour in some liquid steel and dehydrate them to death.

Bloody fucks.

Remember the toxic girl who stalked and harassed me? She did that on Reddit.

After multiple reports to faggot admins, no action was taken against her multiple accounts.

I ended up creating few alt accounts for my mental well-being.

I have been contributing fairly well from all my accounts earning community trust and reputation, even behind the mask of anonymity.

Now, day before yesterday, a teen started abusing me for no reason on a local sub. I ended up ignoring.

Next morning I am notified that admins banned my account permanently.

What the fuck! I did not violate any policy and yet I was kicked out.

I raised an appeal for those fags to look into this and uplift the ban.

Fuckers banned all my accounts permanently without giving any reason.

Instead of taking action against retards who harass people, these bhenchods ban people who contribute in a good way.

I truly wish, that the person who made this decision rots to death while feeling the pain of regret.

I am soooo fucking annoyed. I have been using Reddit for many good reasons and have found it really helpful in various areas of my life.

Apple’s new iPhone lineup has confusing names:

- iPhone extra regular liquid liquid crystal display
- iPhone extra small
- iPhone extra small maximum

When you edit in the browser and press refresh by mistake 😡😡😡😡

RANT!

I need to stop Procrastinating FFS.

I have a todo list bigger than my arm and just can't seem to get anything done.

Any tips to beat Procrastination?.

And just don't procrastinate doesn't work 😂.

Oh my god, I just spilled a fluid on my desktop computer, some of it got through the vent holes and it shut down instantly. At first sight my 270€ graphics card took some, the RAM stick also and there are a few drops on the motherboard...
Holy shit I didn't expect this day to end worse than it already was :/

Electric cars are not better for the environment. All petrol cars combined are only responsible for 7.9% of CO2 emissions. If your electric car is charged from a grid that is powered by a coal-burning power station, it contributes nothing to dealing with climate change. It only provides you with the false sense of security, and you can look cool telling your friends that “you know, I drive a Tesla, I’m environmentally conscious, your gas car is bad”.

Electric cars are lame. When I’m out of fuel, I can refuel fully in minutes. With electric car, I’ll have to wait at least five hours. Let’s be realistic, superchargers aren’t common, and will never be.

Gasoline is 46.4 MJ/kg, or 34.2 MJ/l. Li-Ion is 0.36–0.875. Let’s be generous and say it’s 0.9. To match 1 kg of petrol, I would need 51 kilos of batteries.

Average gas tank is 18 gallons, or 68 litres. To match that, my battery must have a weight of 2.5 metric tonnes. Bear in mind, empty battery and full battery has the same weight. Also, bear in mind, batteries perform worse in the winter.

As per energy density and practicality, things don’t get much better than petrol. Liquid hydrogen has higher energy density, but to store it, gas tank has to have very, very thick walls, to withstand the pressure. And, hydrogen is a bitch. It’s extremely dangerous. You can’t smell it until it’s too late. Hydrogen-air mixture will explode if you look at it the wrong way.

All that “electric cars good for climate” hype is merely Elon maintaining his stock bubble.

my way of getting unstuck is going to toilet, thats why I drink soo much liquid on work, kuz then I know that when in need, I can go "TO THE THINKING ROOM"

Fuck this Kibana shit and give me back my old grep (or even better: ripgrep). In 2008, I used to find shit in my fucking logfiles. Now I have an ELK stack that smells like liquid shit.

I hate YouTube videos that are like "putting a bar of soap in liquid nitrogen" and it's 23 fucking minutes long.

TL;DR don't fiddle around with batteries if you aren't ABSOLUTELY sure what you are doing

For my arduino project I need to use 18650 Li-Ion batteries. They are pretty awesome but at the same time pretty dangerous if you don't use them the right way. You need protection boards etc. or they can/will go BOOM.

So I am looking around Amazon to find some good quality ones and reading some reviews made me wanna cry.

People were REMOVING protection circuits from the batteries and even removing the foil around the batteries. NEVER EVER FUCKING DO THAT!

I also found out that these are the batteries used in E-Cigarettes and now I really don't wonder anymore why they explode so often. People fuck around with the batteries just so they fit into their vapes, or reduce the resistance of the coil (the thing to heat up the liquid) to an absolute minimum so they can get more watts. A side effect of this is that a lot of current gets drawn from the batteries (>20A or something) which makes them go BOOM if no protection/fuses are used in the circuit.

Anyone else run off tea & coffee ? 😜😝

Look, I get that it's really tricky to assess whether someone is or isn't skilled going solely by their profile.

That's alright.

What isn't center of the cosmic rectum alright with the fucking buttsauce infested state of interviews is that you give me the most far fetched and convoluted nonsense to solve and then put me on a fucking timer.

And since there isn't a human being on the other side, I can't even ask for clarification nor walk them through my reasoning. No, eat shit you cunt juice swallowing mother fucker, anal annhilation on your whole family with a black cock stretching from Zimbabwe to Singapore, we don't care about this "reasoning" you speak of. Fuck that shit! We just hang out here, handing out tricks in the back alley and smoking opium with vietnamese prostitutes, up your fucking ass with reason.

Let me tell you something mister, I'm gonna shove a LITERAL TON of putrid gorilla SHIT down your whore mouth then cum all over your face and tits, let's see how you like THAT.

Cherry on top: by the time I began figuring out where my initial approach was wrong, it was too late. Get that? L'esprit d'escalier, bitch. I began to understand the problem AFTER the timer was up. I could solve it now, except it wouldn't do me any fucking good.

The problem? Locate the topmost 2x2 block inside a matrix whose values fall within a particular range. It's easy! But if you don't explain it properly, I have to sit down re-reading the description and think about what the actual fuck is this cancerous liquid queef that just got forcefully injected into my eyes.

But since I can't spend too much time trying to comperfukenhend this two dollar handjob of a task, which I'd rather swap for teabagging a hairy ass herpes testicle sack, there's rushing in to try and make sense of this shit as I type.

So I'm about 10 minutes down or so already, 35 to go. I finally decipher that I should get the XY coords of each element within the specified range, then we'll walk an array of those coordinates and check for adjacency. Easy! Done, and done.

Another 10 minutes down, all checks in place. TEST. Wait, wat? Where's the output? WHERE. THE FUCK. IS. THE OUTPUT?! BITCH GIMME AN ANSWER. I COUT'D THE RETURN AND CAN SEE THE TERMINAL BUT ITS NOT SHOWING ME ANYTHINGGG?! UUUGHHH FUCKKFKFKFKFKFKFKFUFUFUFFKFK (...)

Alright, we have about 20 minutes left to finish this motorsaw colonoscopy, and I can't see what my code is outputting so I'm walking through the code myself trying to figure out if this will work. Oh, look at that I have to MANUALLY click this fucking misaligned text that says "clear" in order for any new output to register. Lovely, 10/10 web design, I will violate your armpits with an octopus soaked in rabid bear piss.

Mmmh, looks like I got this wrong. Figures. I'm building the array of coordinates sequentially, as a one dimentional list, which is very inconvenient for finding adjacent elements. No problem, let's try and fix that aaaaaand... SHIT IM ALMOST OUT OF TIME.

QUICK LYEB, QUICK!! REMEMBER WHAT FISCELLA TAUGHT YOU, IN BETWEEN MOLESTING YOUR SOUL WITH 16-BIT I/O CONSOLE PROBLEMS, LIKE THAT BITCH SNOWFALL THING YOU HAD TO SOLVE FOR A FRIEND USING TURBO C ON A FUCKING TOASTER IN COMPUTER LAB! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!

I'm SWEATING. HEAVILY. I'm STEAMING, NON-EROTICALLY. Less than 10 minutes left. I'm trying to correct the code I have, but I start making MORE dumbfuck mistakes because I'm in a hurry!

5 minutes left. As I hit this point of no return, I realize exactly where my initial reasoning went wrong, and how I could fix it, but I can't because I don't have enough time. Sadface.

So I hastily put together skeleton of the correct implementation, and as the clock is nearly up, I write a comment explaining the bits I can't get to write. Page up, top of file, type "the editor was shit LMAO" and comment it out. SUBMIT.

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function Life(crap):void
{
crap = Lemons;
Return crap;
}

function Solution(liquid)
{
liquid = Tequila;
Return liquid;
}

function whatYaGonnaDo():void
{
Life = null;
Liquid = null;

life (Life);
if (life="Lemons")
{
solution(liquid);
}
}

//sorry i was bored. (not sorry)

Feels good to brought dead laptop to life.

Got dead laptop(person who gave it to me for free, said it doesn't turn on, and he got new one and this one is just for recycling), which got some liquid. Changed palmrest, keyboard, changed cable which is connecting to io board with power button, changed thermal paste and it working like a charm. Maybe in the future I will change screen. Screen has some pink spots, but it's only visible on dar theme. Added 16 GB ram, 512 gb ssd. Now I am using it as work computer. Dell Latitude E7450

so, I quit my corporate 9-5 job in 2020. and decided to move out of the field completely.
Moved to a small, tier 3 city, joined my family manufacturing business, cut off my circle, and completely shut my laptop....

...for 4 months.

then started developing solutions for my business, inventory management, invoicing, accounting, and other small apps.

and finally, after 3 years, in 2023, decided to move back to IT. but not as an employee this time, but as an enterpreneur.

developed a social media app, called Dialogbaaz.

probably coding is a disease that doesnt seem to go away. lets see where it finally takes me!

How did you learn to program ?.

I read E-books to get the basic knowledge and then I would go through a open source PHP project and rebuild it using the look cover right check technique.

Then on top of that I watched YouTube tutorials.

How did you learn ?.

I never went to college or further eduction as I seem to do really well at self teaching plus there is so much info on google nowadays.

I'm getting really tired of those dumbass programmers that do not understand shit and then come to me when production breaks. (I am also a programmer, not really a DevOps engineer, but I'm the least worst at DevOps stuff, so it's my job...).

We're programming some kind of document management tool. Today we had a release, and one of the new features is to download all of your documents as a zip file, which is asynchronuously generated. When it's done, the user gets a mail with the download link to the zip file.

The feature works basically, but today it broke our production service, as somebody was running a test of it.

Turns out all the documents are loaded into memory to be zipped. So if you have 2 gigs of documents, a container with memory restrictions in that area will crash.

I asked the programmer who reported this «ops problem» to me, why he didn't just shit the files into a temp foler in order to zip them in there.

He told me that he wanted to do so, but did not know how to mock this for a unit test, and therefore went to the in-memory «solution», which was easier for him to mock.

For fuck's sake, unit tests and mocks are fucking tools, not ends in itself! I don't give a fuck about your pointless mocking code when the application crashes!

When I got to deal with such dumbasses, I'd prefer to mock those motherfuckers with a leaky bucket of liquid shit, which basically accomplishes the same task from my perspective: dripping shit all over the place and make everything suck as fuck.

that moment of pride when you can't find your error in google or SO..and at the same tym, the sense of realisation that you will have to figure out the solution yourself

Im seriously thinking about Watercooling my Raspberry Pi 3...
Why?
BRCAUSE THIS LIL SHIT RUNS SO FUCKING HOT THAT I CAN MAKE AN EGG ON IT! THATS WHY!

Its 80°C when under little load BUT GOES OVER FUCKING 90°C ON LOAD! AND THIS IS FUCKING DANGEROUS! FUCK!

so back to watercooling...
Its a Stupid idea, I know, but its literally THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO COOL THIS BASTARD! And trust me I tried Novec (Yes the liquid that evaporates at 60°C...) and SHITS EXPENSIVE!

hey ranteros! i like to dream and i know many of us dream of a nice machine to do anything on it, if you want to post the specs of your ideal build(s) (even a laptop, pre-built pc, space gray macbook pro... doesn't matter). and your current one.

here's mine:

ideal: {
type: desktop-pc,
cpu: intel i7-8700K (coffee lake),
gpu: nvidia geforce gtx 1080ti,
ram: 32gb ddr4,
storage: {
ssd: samsung 960 evo 500gb,
hdd: 2tb wd black
},
motherboard: any good motherboard that supports coffee lake and has a good selection of i/o,
psu: anything juicy enough, silver rated,
cooling: i don't care about liquid cooling that much, or maybe i'm just afraid of it,
case: i accept any form factor, as long as it's not too oBNoxi0Us,
peripherals: {
monitor: 1080p, maybe 1440p, i can't 4k because of the media i consume (i have tons of shit i watch in 720p) + other reasons,
keyboardmousecombo: i like logitech stuff, nothing fancy, their non mechanical keyboards are nice, for mice the mx master 2 is nice i think, i also don't care about rgb because i think it's too distracting and i'm always in darkness so some white backlight is great
},
os: windows 10, tails (i have some questions about tails i'll be asking in a different post,
}

i think this is enough for ideal, now reality:

current: {
type: laptop,
brand: acer (aspire 7736z),
cpu: pentium dual-core 2.10ghz,
gpu: geforce g210m 2gb (with cuda™!),
ram: 4gb ddr3,
storage: hdd 500gb wd blue 5400rpm (this motherfucker stood the test of time because it's still working since i bought this thing (the laptop as it is) used in late 2009 although it's full of bad sectors and might anytime, don't worry i have everything backed up, i have a total of 5 hdds varying from 320gb to 1tb with different stuff on them),
screen: 17 inch hd-ready!!! (i think it's a tn panel), i've never done a test on color accuracy, but to my eyes it's bright, colorful, and has some dust particles between the lcd and backlight hah,
other cool things: dvd player/burner, full-sized keyboard with numeric keypad, vga, hdmi, 4 usb ports, ethernet, wi-fi haha, and it's hot, i mean so hot, hotter than elsa jean and piper perri combined,
os: windows 10, tails
}

if you read this whole thing i love you, and if you have some time to spare on a sunday you can share your dream rig and the sometimes cruel current one if you dare. you don't have to share them both. i know many will go b.o.b and say "what you're hoping to accomplish, i already did bitch.", that's cool as well, brag about your cool rig!

My shower tap has two modes:
- Quark-melting relativistic beam of sizzling hot plasma
- Time-freezing liquid death from the cold heart of Dante’s hell

It's almost midnight here and I just realized something. I just realized that none of my college friends have contacted me in almost a year now... Like none of them. They hang out every weekend near the college I cannot coz im working and it has never occurred to them that "hey there's this guy that we we were together for four years with , I wonder what he's doing how's he holding up" and I wasn't even an asshole or a douchebag or something I guess I just vaporizer from their memories like a volatile liquid.

I also feel like my boss gives me nearly impossible tasks so that I fail like "design these two complete web applications in three months while you do your actual job of teaching people java for 8 hrs a day"
And now here I am at midnight sitting curled up in the corner of my bed like a paranoid chipmunk that drank a pot full of dark coffee, trying to talk to this random bunch of people from random places in the world who are doing random shit right now. And the worst part is I chose this ... I wanted this I wanted to make a difference. I didn't want to be just a cog in a machine.

If I die right now how many people would cry? I ask myself that a lot it's never more than ten. This is probably creeping u out right now so I'll probably end this.
Rest assured six hrs from now I will put my mask back on. a mask of a happy, mildly funny, averagely successfully geek, until my next date with sadness

can i work in any more horrible company than this?

> got a shitty macbook air as official work laptop. i am an Android dev btw, nd fuck knows how long it took to build apps on this, but it was still okay

> after 1 year some keys started getting slow to respond but still working fine

> recently a Senior dev raised request for better laptops and somhow we all got macbook pros woth good ram/processor

> returned my old laptop, got a mail after few seconds that my laptop has liquid damage! (in retrospect , i think i knew it as my bag once got drenched in rain)

> few days later, a mail chain starts where some guy is asking for $300 approval of fixes from my boss's boss!

now fuck knows how is it going to get paid, but i cant afford it on my monthly salary.

i am already on a tight crunch as my dad recently lost his job and i am paying emis for a car loan as well as a hand fracture loan, but i am surprised that am getting notified about this.

afaik,
1. the laptop's whole value is around $350 (some corporate quote that i once saw) .

2. the laptops should be fucking insured (we ourselves are a fuckin general insurance company) as its an obvious norm in corporate equipments. i shouldn't be penalised for this

3. i was working fine with this laptop and i can still work on it if given back.

4. this can be deducted at the time of fnf or from gratuity fund that these assholes hold onto until a guy completes 5 years and take it all for themselves if he doesn't.

5 i can buy this shitty laptop back and use it as my personal device, or get it repaired for less.

i don't even claim to have damaged it, why are they putting it on me 😭😭😭

I saw a genie once.

So it was like 1 am, me and my girlfriend back then was wandering around the street. We haven’t slept for like two days. It was also a time when she started showing signs of being bipolar and my manic episodes started. So we wasn’t exactly in a good shape, everything felt surreal.

To add absurdity I was holding a pair of scissors (I don’t remember how I got them in the middle of the street) ready to fight back night gopniks.

We went underground and we saw this: there was a hobo standing on a chair and singing. He was really good at it, all opera level stuff with tremolo and everything. The other hobos was standing around him looking and listening. They all completely ignored our presence.

Between two pillars lied the other hobo. He was covered in some dark-looking liquid. Around him was a really huge bottle, so huge in fact that he could probably fit in. I guess they use those kind of bottles in bars or something.

I have no other explanation that he was a genie that was living in that bottle before and granted that singing hobo three wishes: brilliant singing voice (he could probably be a guy who always wanted to sing but had no talent and so he started drinking and became a hobo eventually), an audience that understands and appreciates (the other hobos) and a final wish, just to drink together and have a great conversation.

Got a new motherboard today, a Asus crosshair vi hero, AM4 for amd ryzen.

Bought is as broken / defective, it supposedly works except 2 ram slots should not get detected.

On a closer look, the story of water-damage didn't seem right.

Disassembled everything and took another look.

😲😨 "Is that solder tin? What the actual fuck?"

*Scratche it with tweezers

*"Supposed solder tin" becomes liquid and moves

😱 "The fuck that's liquid metal"
😵 Who the fuck sprinkles liquid metal all over a board?
😳Ryzen is solderd why the fuck should someone use liquid metal?

What the heck

So I'm at this disco thing for family and all I can think about is being in my den coding away. Anyone else have this issue ? :D.

Does devRant come in a liquid form? Because i consume it with my coffee every day...

"Most electronics work better while turned *on*. The rest are made by HP"

Fucking printer will not only *not* print my stuff but will also make hellish noises, print the same "hello world!" page six times in a row, jam paper in the seventh and spit expensive ink on its own mechanism while there is not even paper in it.
Fucking outdated cellulose-based bureaucracy. Govt' websites are far from perfect but yet are closer to it than presenting fucking tree-meat slabs unecessary covered in colourful liquid gold.

Here, a full retrospective of my Apple products ownership.

iPhone SE – after Android, I was absolutely amazed by how fast it worked. No UI lags, camera works absolutely instantly no matter the light conditions, all the GPU-heavy games work butter smooth.

After camera and charging port failures on Xperia flagship and CPU literally melting through screen rendering it unusable on Meizu, it was enough to make me interested in Apple products.

When I was using Meizu, I actually got a twitching eye which was triggered by UI lags. After two months of using iPhone, I noticed that something was missing – my eye wasn't twitching anymore.

iPhone actually cured me.

MacBook 12 – a 900 grams laptop with passive-cooled mobile CPU running many Chrome tabs, heavy Webpack HMR build, VSCode and Slack just fine. Yes, you can't play games, but I don't even require it from a laptop this tiny.

Butterfly keyboard that internet hates so much actually increased my typing speed and comfort compared to MX Red mechanical keyboard, and ForceTouch trackpad made me forget about mouse. I learned how to disassemble the Butterfly keyboard if I ever need this but the keyboard never failed.

I use this laptop to this day and it still even smells like the day one, a beautiful smell of a new Apple product.

iPhone X – got it because of the camera, stayed for great battery life and amazing OLED display. I use telephoto lens exclusively and it made me lay off my Canon DSLR with Helios lens which stays on my bookshelf covered in dust to this day.

True black of OLED display which is undistinguishable from the screen bezel is stunning. To this day, battery surely works for one and a half days and I watch youtube really often.

I sometimes struggled to unlock iPhone SE with wet fingers, but with FaceID, as soon as I look at the screen the phone is unlocked. Works perfect every time, never had an issue with this.

Stainless steel body feels premium compared to aluminum. Stereo sound is a major selling point if you're like watching videos and playing games on your phone. Overall amazing product and a huge improvement over SE.

Apple Watch series 4 – really comfortable fit. Nice battery life, once I forgot about it for like ten days during lockdown and it was still working, even though on power reserve mode. Really reliable in terms of battery life and liquid protection. Very satisfying Taptic Engine crown clicks. I run every day and Apple watch always measure my heart rate correctly, and the running app is well designed and a pleasure to use. Overall a nice accessory to have if you use iPhone.

Powerbeats Pro – great sound and battery life. I switched from Shure SE215 which was great, but it had wires. I listen to a lot of music so the sound quality is important for me. When I was choosing earphones I visited a store where you can listen to them all. I listened through earphones like Noble Audio Kaiser Encore and JH Audio Layla, and of course $4000 Laylas sound better than $249 bluetooth earphones, but the difference in sound doesn't justify the difference in price to me.

Powerbeats pro is the Apple H1 chip true wireless earphones with largest driver of them all which makes them sound better than AirPods Pro – it's just physics. Bass in Powerbeats is amazing, which is also true for my Shures, but Powerbeats also win in clarity.

It connects seamlessly to both my MacBook and my iPhone, and everyone in voice chats can hear me really good.

Huge case is a major throwback compared to AirPods, but the battery life of earphones themselves is so great that I just leave the case at home and only carry earphones and it works for me.

Apple Link bracelet in space black – really better than I expected. Intricate detailing, literally the steel that Rolex uses, top-notch finishing and polishing – all that for just 450 dollars. I only used it for several days now, but it already feels like a really satisfying product.

Before all that I was using Linux. It took a year for elementaryos devs to fix wifi for my laptop. Ubuntu looks and feels ugly. Pop OS felt like garbage. Manjaro was also just that – garbage. KDE Plasma – I don't even want to talk about that. A monstrocity where you accidentally click a wrong switch in the settings and your system won't boot up again. Also, PulseAudio. Struggles with proprietary drivers and software updates.

Windows? I serviced a lot of Windows PCs through my career and it never, never worked as intended. I'm no dumbass, I always managed the rights correctly and never installed sketchy apps. My latest ryzen gaming build with a lot of ram also lags somehow even in Windows 10 UI.

Before I switched, I defended Linux.

My life was a lie.

I'm sorry to everyone who I offended based on their opinion on Linux.

Discretion is advised

I had a bizarre nightmare where I wake up tied, my head inside the glass cube, my eyelids stitched to my eyebrows so I can’t close my eyes, and then @rutee07 pours drain cleaner into that cube, through immense pain I feel my eyes turning cloudy and skin on my face turning into soap, meanwhile drain cleaner goes down my throat

And then I woke up. This dream was the reason behind my dice game liquid PH rant I posted not much earlier.

Amount needed to buy an apartment: $300k

Current (liquid) net worth: $350k

After: $50k

Thoughts:
-I hope I'm not buying a lemon
-I need more money... a better paying job... this took me 6 years...
-I think I now know how my dad felt paying for private college; he should've just brought me an apartment instead...

-It's nice I found a job programming, CS was not my college major.
-I wish I studied CS? Then maybe I could've gotten into Google...

Tonight I'd thought I'd get a make bulk iced coffee... A fairly easy task except I used the wrong container.....

Apparently not all plastic containers can hold hot liquid....

Spent an hour wiping coffee off the counter top, everything that was on it, and the floor... Probably need to give it a good cleaning with floor cleaner tmr too...

But yes there went my evening of relaxing....

I picture a large, ice cold, crystal pint filled with bubbling ruby red ale straight from the draft... Its majesty overflows as I stare some human shape walk that marvel at my table...
I take a sip. Fuck it, it's not enough and I'm not feeling like manners... I straight up bottom down that bitter odd amount of beer while my hand feels the cold liquid handshake of this heavenly brewed product... It was a shit day at the office, but right now I'm at the top...

OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S BOOTING! Yesterday I spilled liquid on my desktop computer stopping it immediately, and today after letting it dry and rubbing it with some isopropyl alcohol it starts up as if nothing ever happened! 😊

However, I didn't try the graphics card under heavy load yet, maybe it can get unstable as the spillage affected it's power circuit area.

First, I want to say don't look this company up if you've never heard of them. I really don't want to be a reason to drive more traffic to this company, because I really don't trust them.

So someone gifted me some coffee called Javy Microdose Coffee.

The reviews online are obvious plants and there was a hard social media promo going on for the last few months, so I'm already not interested in even trying it.

The packaging and colors scare the shit out of me, and the bottle itself doesn't seem to have a break seal on it. Besides that the bottle itself reminds me of the bottles of poison that were around when I was a kid.

My questions; has anyone on here ever consumed this terrifying bottle of liquid? Is it worth it?

1st. Put my Razor Blackshark Aviator headset on. Noise cancellation the low-tech way with full earcups.

2nd. I go on music genre binges for weeks at a time. Lately I've been listening to Viking inspired Dark Folk music like Wardruna, Fejd, Corvus Corax, and Forndom. That came after I did a month of proto rock n roll blues from the southern United States like Leadbelly, Blind Willie Johnson, and Mississippi John Hurt. I also drop some liquid DnB on a bender here and there.

3rd. I set up Hyper.is terminal to use the power plugin that makes sparks fly off of each keystroke.

4th. I set up Atom to work similarly with a continuous code counter that keeps a score of how long and fast you type continuously when coding. It also throws sparks off of the cursor as you type.

5th. Pop my neck and fingers and geterdun.

game of dice becomes interesting when the number you score is the PH number of a liquid you have to drink afterwards

Got that devRant Swag..!

I've never made crepe pancakes in a microwave before....

But when your pancake matter is too liquid and you don't have any flour to fix it nor a flat pancake and your kiddo is hangry - you've gotta engineer your way out.

When you show fellow devs, Dev rant!.

The feeling is so good 😇.

Took a SWAG at stand-up this morning, saying I thought I could resolve a circular dependency introduced in a junior's branch by noon. As the morning dragged on, I became less and less certain of it, but lo! and behold I managed to refactor my way out of hell with 2 minutes to spare!

This calls for lunch beer! Which management has no way of stopping me from doing on a regular day due to remote working, but at least today I've convinced myself I earned it.

We have hand sanitizers that are usually empty and spray way too much leaving your hands drenched in liquid

Also, one side has gates which means you have to touch your security card to get in and on the other side there are the elevators so you have to touch the buttons outside and inside to get away, or do it with your elbow

Point is, could be better :p

I feel blessed to have found a pickles jar with a liquid that doesn't go through flesh

So I have been setting goals for my interaction with people on devrant. I had the goal of getting someone to spray liquid out of their mouth in response to something I posted. I believe I had one person self report on this (maybe two). My next goal was getting someone to shit their pants in response to a post. I figured with @b2plane here my chances were a lot higher. As of Nov, 2024 nobody has reported on this. That goal still stands.

Maybe some new goals for this next upcoming year should be:
1. get someone to rage quit (not sure this in a good goal)
2. get someone to "dad splain" to me
3. triggered downvotes (I have had some in the past, so this is a recurring goal)
4. inspire anti-posts (some of you are natural inspirers it seems, respect)
5. actually create funny memes (maybe not possible, shitposting will continue though)

Does anyone have ideas for some good edge lording goals?

I use magic dark liquid of darkness from the shadows...with a bit of sugar.

so, i was on cloud 9 after having learnt n mastered(hopefully) angularjs..but the devs said wait, u r outdated, we r up with angular2..i was up for the challenge, folded my sleeves n started scratching angular2 only to realise they had more to mock me up when they finally said, haha, learnt angular2? now get ready for angular4..!! nd m damn sure by the tym i hv learnt angular4, they wud say, oh we r really sorry for u, we are back with angular5, 6, 7:@

Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a problem — after his army service, he got so used to cold that he could only sleep on a raw, cold metal grill. Usually, normal people put mattress on top, but Erdogan didn’t feel right this way. So, in one of his personal prisons, he established a social project for making a full metal bed for himself.

For starters, to calculate the shape, he took the smallest man ever (3 inches high) with his fingers and sunk him into molten plastic. “What are you doing?! It hurts!” — man screamed. “Shut up. You’re on an important mission. Your motherland won’t forget you.”
After three months, the bed was ready. It was more of the same — metal bars, but this time with some kind of structure built of metal hinges, rebar and strong springs. This was the day — this was the big reveal event. It took place in the same prison — three prisoners were ready to lay on their new full metal beds, while news crews congratulated Erdogan and celebrated his greatness. “Well, it is time!” — he said.
Prisoners laid flat. An awful screeching sound. Prisoner number two is bleeding out. The spring mechanism broke out and impaled his chest onto a large metal bar. He’s not breathing.
“Shut it down. Shut it all down. No more cameras, no more news”, — said Erdogan.
“Yes, our master”, — said news crews.

They wanted to draft me to Afghanistan.
“No!”, — a young officer shouted, misgendering me — “He doesn’t know the stages of pain. Useless.”
“Are you perhaps arguing pain with a bipolar patient?” — I replied.
“You are a rave. Nothing but a rave.”

Raves spawned near your doors at night. Sometimes, they even spawned on the inside. I can’t say you were in danger, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to happen to anyone. They looked ugly. They dressed weird. They spoke in riddles.
“How do I move to Europe?”, — a rave asked.
“I…”
“Shut up!”
Rave took a door, suspiciously painted over and over multiple times, and started to slam my door with it, using it as a ram.
My door started giving in.

Alarm system.
On a separate note, to disable the alarm system, you have to speedrun Stanley Parable. It’s the hardest speedrun ever, specifically its hidden ending. It disables all alarm systems in three-mile radius IRL. No one knows how it works, but it does. Back to the danger zone!

“The better quality time you spend sitting on your toilet, the more you’ll live.”, — an officer said.
“I once had a girl blow me while I was shitting,” — Matthias replied — “You have nothing on me.”
“Fair enough!”

It is a little known fact, but the liquid that Northern cities use to clean up snow isn’t quite what it seems like. It’s not salt — in reality, there are bases on Mars, and they store pink goo that… “iMpRoVeS” dead bodies. The liquid is biological in nature, and it expires. Expired liquid is recycled as snow melter. You learn that in high school, but now, living on a train, you should know that there are special learning rooms here, in every. single. carriage. The small gym ball with two handles on its sides is called Gandhi ball. Fun fact: if you wear headless Segways on top of your shoes, and then lay flat holding a Gandhi ball, you can reach the speed of 270 kph!

Today’s news: a Reddit moderator and a legless woman gave birth to a living sex toy for their domestic boar.

they say a true coder is bearded..with my bug list, i decided to shave off :@

it drinks the brown liquid in the morning

it drinks the (other) brown liquid at night

when its already 12 in the nyt, ur going through some slides, u hope it to end and u come across something like this which reads - "More stuff" right in the heading!!!!

Warehouse devs are trying to make our own homegrown warehouse robot AI to easy up the route optimization math, without paying up big $$$ for some big tech's crap.
Those robots look like wild "dire roombas", BTW. Each is large and round like bike tire on its side.
And the state of the art on the driving AI for those robots is... actually pretty good. It can avoid moving obstacles like humans or forklifts on their route or even drive around liquid puddles (our warehouses aren't exactly pristine).
So then came the time for the warehouse devs to benchmark their AI.
They compared it to a ready-to-use solution and fared quite well. Until someone suit decided they should ask chatgpt (or some other text AI crap) to try its "hand".
I've spent the best part of the day laughing my ass off, the devs had to go on a hunt to search for the *runaway robots driven by chatgpt*. One of them found its way to a freaking porta-potty like 50m outside the warehouse. Others were trying to lift forklifts to take those out of the way. Ooh, the irony.
A few were gladiators disputing the same pallet to lift. They were literally trying to sabotage each other to steal the pallet.
But most were just driving around randomly like giant roaches.
Man, sometimes generative AI can really make us laugh.

Does anybody actually enjoy working with Liquid template language? (Jekyll)

I barely have to work with Jekyll but every time I have to do something slightly complex with it its a pain, why cant it be just like erb templates? its already been parsed by Ruby isn't it?

That rabbit in my grandpa's left table drawer, in the home I grew at. I wanted to finally catch it, and kill it. I was bad with animals all along, especially this one. My grandpa died the year before I was born, and my grandma said we would've got along really well. So much to talk about, a scientist to an engineer. So, I travelled back, but my home somehow turned from a city stone-walled house into a half-soaked, decaying wooden one. I caught that rabbit though, but while I was holding it at its neck and twisting it, it somehow disappeared, distributed evenly as if I were twisting a crayon. I was trying to find it, but in that left drawer, among century-old pencils and that red liquid thermometer I played with as a kid, only a faded out, dusty duckling resided. I picked it up, and unlike the rabbit, it was paper, no, cigarette paper thin. It wasn't hostile. It wasn't trying to run away. It just turned from yellow to grey, feathers leaving my fingers covered in fine dust. I realized it will never die, dwelling and decaying there forever, happy.

I did my calculations, and I knew for a fact when and where the rabbit should've appeared. It was the middle drawer, not the left one. I opened it and looked in anticipation how something chewed through the bottom. I caught it, but it was no rabbit, it was an alive, rubber rat. The rubber was white turned grey, old, aged, dusty, probably Soviet. I poked the rat's eye with a pen rod, but the rat's body inflated a bit, leaving it invincible. It was mocking me.

Of the same white rubber, a ball appeared. I knew for a fact it was alive too, I felt the bones inside holding it. I found its lips, and was prying it open. The massive, dry mouth emerged, with a full set of human teeth, albeit wider and nastier ones. Huge eyes looked at me. It was alive, it was intelligent. It was my grandpa's personal financial assistant all along. It told me to leave the rat and the rabbit alone. He told me not to worry about the ducking, as it was in safe hands.

It made friends with my brother during the "blue age", when he was wearing thin, worn out rugs instead of clothes, tiny faded blue flowers on them, screaming and annoying my grandma he lived with in that room, not a single person other than the two in sight. The house was slowly submerging. The water was rising.

Why the f*ck does Dashlane leak 2.5gb of ram when it’s not being used.

The fuck!.

a nearly lethal amount of adderall as well as a small paper cup filled with liquid cocaine. Also somehow getting heart-burn from a singular french fry.

how do they liquefy and bottle mental focus? how is this ginger ale soda literally just liquid mental focus?

a MEAN stack developer, got a work in cakePhp..convinced my bosses to convert the cakephp project into a mean stack..and after 1 week, I have decided to learn cakephp myself :/

Hello, does anybody know a good templating library like Liquid for .NET?

The problem is that it has to work well with F# and immutable types.

Warning - Not IT related.

Long ago, I had a chemist professor who told us a story. She worked in a laboratory where they have studied cristal formations, so basically made a liquid highly capable to form cristals, and they watched them forming, doing tests and so on. In the meantime new building of the campus opened and they had to move the lab to the new location, which was a fourth floor of newly made building. Few of them started to work there even before they moved the old materials and equipment and they started few cristalisation studies, the interesting part is that the cristals didn't formed. She said that at the end they had many cups with prepared liquid and apsolutely no cristals for weeks, but one day the lead researcher arrived with the old, already formed cristals, from the old lab, and toon those inside of the room with prepared cups all the cristals started to form at the same time. After telling us a story she asked us not to tell this to anyone because the science currently doesn't accept this phenomenon and we will be demonised and looked fools it the scientific community.

This story made a hole in my brain...
It was like 10 years ago, and as a problem solver I still have sometimes some weird ideas about it, and strange explanations comming from nothing, and without any deep understanding of quantum physics or even cristalisation. :D

my shit is liquid now. im shitting piss. its like a chocolate pudding but liquid. upgrade from regular shit. no wonder since i got a big ass fever and overdosing with meds

India vs Pakistan, ICC Champions trophy finals..Sunday..a perfect combo to skip coding for a day..but the way match is turning out is making this day a spoiler :(

A philosophical question about maintenance/updating.

There is no need to repeat the reasons we need to update our dependencies and our code. We know them/ especially regarding the security issues.
The real question is , "is that indicates a failure of automation"?

When i started thinking about code, and when also was a kid and saw all these sci fi universes with robots etc, the obvious thing was that you build an automation to do the job without having to work with it anymore. There is no meaning on automate something that need constant work above it.

When you have a car, you usually do not upgrade it all the time, you do some things of maintance (oil, tires) but it keeps your work on it in a logical amount.
A better example is the abacus, a calculating device which you know it works as it works.

A promise of functional programming is that because you are based on algebraic principles you do not have to worry so much about your code, you know it will doing the logical thing it supposed to do.
Unix philosophy made software that has been "updated" so little compared to all these modern apps.
Coding, because of its changeable nature is the first victim of the humans nature unsatisfying.

Modern software industry has so much of techniques and principles (solid, liquid, patterns, testing that that the air is air) and still needs so many developers to work on a project.
I know that you will blame the market needs (you cannot understand the need from the start, you have to do it agile) but i think that this is also a part of a problem .
Old devices evolved at much more slow pace. Radio was radio, and still a radio do its basic functionality the same war (the upgrades were only some memory functionalities like save your beloved frequencies and screen messages).

Although all answers are valid, i still feel, that we have failed. We have failed so much. The dream of being a programmer is to build something, bring you money or satisfaction, and you are bored so you build something completely new.

m not insomniac..just that code bugs hurt me more than the bed bugs :(

I have a HUGE diarrhea for several hours now. It wont go away. Every 30 minutes or so i have to take a big dump. And its always such a huge explosion of literal liquid instead of shit. Well its still shit but in a liquid form. Its like im pissing but shit. For the last couple of weeks im not eating right because of huge amount of stress wave. Im eating very lightweight food and in a small quantity while drinking water a lot. Could that be the reason or does it have something to do with covid i had last week? Either way help me get this explosive diarrhea out of me what should i do

When I hold my hand at the bottom of a thermometer the liquid indicator goes down.
Guess why.

nephews who had good childhood and loving families: hey, keep up!
me, pouring liquid lye into my super soaker: 🙂

The combination of an AIO cooler and liquid metal heatsink paste and a processor that isn't broken has really done wonders for my productivity.

An unexpected side effect of having a machine that can operate under load without instantly blue screening or crashing is that the room it is in turns into an oven pretty quickly.

Guys. I am in deep shit. Literally. I am shitting on my brown throne and the shit was going out normally. Felt good. But i couldnt stop shitting. There was so much shit. I was such a shitlord. The volume of my shits was so large an entire amazon warehouse wouldnt fit. Then at one point my asshole started burning🔥 i had to clutch and close my asshole. The more i shit the more it burned. Then my shit piled up. It felt very liquid. Then i realized it was diarrhea💩💩💩💩💩 fuck. I kept my asshole closed at all costs but something went wrong in my stomach. The liquid shit kept piling up and i dont know why or from where. How can so much shit be stored in my body is beyond me. The shit i shitted was longer than average sized snake🐍 then at one point the pressure and force F=ma 2nd newtons law kept making it harder because holding the shit hurt, but shitting the shit also hurt cause it burns🔥💩 but heres the best part. As i was at war with my shit i remembered what I learned in school: 3rd newtons law Each action has an equal and opposite reaction, then i realized if i just let go of my shit and suffer the pain of having the asshole on flames, the reaction of the opposite newton's force would throw that shit to the other side so i dont have to suffer holding my bullshit inside me! And so i did. I let go of my asshole and liquid shit was FLOWING like a fucking waterfall 🌊💩🌊💩🌊💩 asshole burned for 3 seconds but the relief i felt from not holding so much bullshit inside was WORTH IT💯 Now, if you excuse me its time i get off my brown throne and IMMEDIATELY run to my chair or else im gonna collapse to the ground. My legs are literally NUMB from shitting for over 20 minutes on my throne. Thank you school for teaching me all about bullshit! I would have exploded and died if i didnt study bullshit in school. My degree of bullshit is just as valuable as bullshit, and they were right. I am glad i studied shit in school. Never knew shit could be useful to learn

My shitting streak has begun again. Fuck. Its cold where i live and in my house. Shitting liquid shit doesnt help because my asshole burns. Its not fun and not enjoyable. Im trying to hold shit inside me but it forces me to shit. And if i shit it burns. Imagine being in a cold -75° weather while your asshole is burning heat at +45°. Why is life such a constant stream of pain and suffering. I write this as i sit on the toilet and fight demons not to shit more in order to prevent pain

Why did our designer invent shitting and thought it was a good idea?

I can think of a better idea: whatever i eat gets dissolved into particles by acid that my body produces like an implosion inside a submarine and transforms into pure energy that my body absorbs and thus makes the body more powerful -- no need to shit it out because its now a bunch of fucking particles!

WHY wouldnt that be a better solution. Shitting is disgusting and makes no sense if this solution is also possible. And for an omniscient all-powerful all-knowing celestial being -- NOTHING is impossible to do.

what we perceive as "magic" is normal to an all-powerful celestial entity. Therefore any thought you can imagine, should be possible to do. Even the idea i just proposed because i proved i could imagine it so it must be possible to create such existence

And as i finish writing off this rant, my asshole burns less and everything is coming back to normal Thank God. The pain was bearly bareable. As a finishing touch of this rant imma go wipe my ass for 100th time today and continue working with nextjs on my project

I would like to ask for some advice, thanks for your time in advance.

I've made a few applications over the last few years that were at first side projects. Right now they are doing quite well but could do way better if I put all my time into them (currently working in a agency)

My parents are still in the 90s when it comes to the internet so they never get behind any of my projects or they just pass it off as fluff.

I've showed my Dad my Analytics and what not and because it's not money it's nothing to him.

Any advice on how I deal with parents still living in times before the modern internet & make them see my stuff for what it is?.

Thanks

I have an issue that I just can't shake and wondered if anyone had any insight.

I'm currently working for a company that is going through a ruff patch when it comes to google rankings dropping off.

I'm the developer who is rebuilding his sites, I've told him that his site is very flat as in no content and he need to start writing articles within his industry.

No buying strength at all just a catalogue of products categorised.

But the guy doesn't get it and insists in spending money on PPC Google shopping which gets him a 83% bounce rate.

I keep going on and on at him how he is doing to much advertising and not enough content marketing but he just doesn't get it.

What would you do ?.

just msgd an old song on my prev company watsapp grp, and my old manager replied, "are u still not out of ur last nyt hangover?"...lol..it feels so heavenly to see him rant on me and now i can reply him back too..!!!

Whether baked or no-bake, a strawberry cheesecake is a showstopper that combines the creamy richness of the cheesecake with the sweet and slightly tangy essence of strawberries. It’s a classic dessert choice for celebrations, springtime gatherings, or any occasion where the irresistible combination of cream cheese and fresh strawberries is sure to be a crowd-pleaser.
No-Bake Strawberry Cheesecake Recipe:
Here’s a simple recipe for a no-bake strawberry cheesecake:
Ingredients For Strawberry Cheesecake:
For the Crust:
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup melted butter
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
Cheesecake Filling:
16 oz (450g) cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups fresh strawberries, hulled and diced
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Strawberry Topping:
1 cup fresh strawberries, hulled and sliced
1/4 cup strawberry jam or preserves

Instructions For Strawberry Cheesecake:
Prepare the Crust:
In a bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, and granulated sugar. Mix until the crumbs are evenly coated.
Press the mixture into the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan to form an even crust. Place it in the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.
Make the Cheesecake Filling:
In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese until smooth.
Add powdered sugar and vanilla extract, and continue to beat until well combined.
In a blender or food processor, puree the diced strawberries with lemon juice until smooth.
Fold the strawberry puree into the cream cheese mixture until evenly incorporated.
Assemble the Cheesecake:
Pour the strawberry cream cheese filling over the chilled crust in the springform pan.
Smooth the top with a spatula and refrigerate for at least 4-6 hours, or preferably overnight, to allow the cheesecake to set.
Prepare the Strawberry Topping:
In a small saucepan, heat strawberry jam or preserves over low heat until it becomes smooth and liquid.
Allow the jam to cool slightly before spreading it over the top of the chilled cheesecake.
Arrange sliced strawberries on top for decoration.

Serve:
Carefully remove the cheesecake from the springform pan before serving. Slice and enjoy! This no-bake strawberry cheesecake is a refreshing and delightful dessert that’s perfect for warm days or when you want a fuss-free, delicious treat.

I know liquid-nitrogen-powered air cans heat up after getting cold during use, and boil in the process, extending use time, but do they really need to make disturbing noises that sound like a clicking creature in a horror movie???

as im shitting on the toilet (again) today im gonna write this rant (my shit is liquid this time very watery and stinks a lot too btw): i will (i just shitted 2 balls of shjt lol and then it stopped) start a new challenge (now its liquid shit again). the challenge is, i will be trading memecoins but not like a degenerate, actually strategically and smart. i draw lines n shit and predict the chart. i started with 2k (my life savings) and already im at 4k. i scalp and trade little by little

i called this challenge THE HOMELESSMAN CHALLENGE. the challenge is, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO EAT ANY FOOD UNTIL I CASHOUT AT LEAST 1$ PROFIT (thats why im shitting liquid shit rn cz my stomach is deformed i havent eaten since yesterday night lol). this means i will either make consistent profits or die of starvation.

the challenge ends once i hit 100k profit. this is double stimulation. i get less fat And i get more rich. or i just die. win win.

good. now that i wrote this rant imma head over and wipe my watery asshole from this disgusting liquid shit