Coworker: "localhost is down"
Me: "See you monday"

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

Took an interview today.

Me - What do you think JavaScript is interpreted or compiled.

Guy(5+ years of UI exp) - It's neither of them. It just runs on browser.

At that moment I slowly started fading away into a black hole for the absolute peace and embrace death.

In my previous company, I used to work for a client company which had a terrible website. It was about financial data and people would have to wait too long before the page loaded because there was a freaking 1.2 megs of minified, compressed JS file that needed to load before you could do anything.

Everyone knew that was a pain in the ass and nobody wanted to touch spaghetti code and mess up something they didn't know.

I wanted to however take a shot at it. So an architect from client side and I discussed how we were gonna go about it and how we were gonna find the stuff that needed to load on page load and stuff that could be loaded later.

So we plan for it. We broke everything down from a globals polluting JS, found out the variables and functions that needed to run during first load by literally putting a console statement for each function and finally came up with two bundles.

The primary bundle was 120kb and would during first load and then every module would call it's own secondary bundle when the user interacted with it.

In the process, we removed half a meg of JS and the site became blazing fast.

I did it with a team of two members who, my manager thought were useless, learned a ton of stuff, setup proper process for the transition.

When the client didn't appreciate the amount of brain and effort we had put into it, these two members came forward to tell the client to acknowledge my effort and attributed the success of it to me.

I was totally moved. There was so much respect that I didnt care what anybody else thought. I was just so happy to work with those two humans.

When i left the company, i gifted them stuff they always talked about or wanted. :) Feels good.

z-index: 999999999

*gets a new phone.
*installs devRant as the first app

Best Code EVER!

So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.

Hey PMs!

Fuck you!

Estimates are NOT... I repeat..they are NOT the FUCKING DEADLINES.

If you are asking for an estimate then remember, in your absolutely fucking small fucknugget brain, that it can FUCKING CHANGE!

The last thing you wanna do is grill the dev by asking them to explain in details why the change instead of trusting them. Specially when you don't understand a thing of the technology.

- Dev on whom you are shitting you asshole!

Sometimes when I code, I plug in my earphones and listen to music, focused, in zone.

* I let everyone think that.
** I actually don't listen to anything.
*** Keeps the buggers away!

If every issue is a critical, none of them are

It bothers me that IntelliJ IDEs and Documents on Google Drive don't require Ctrl + S to be pressed to save a file.

That's like my birthright taken away from me!

When everyone quit and leave you with all the shitty code they wrote.

Was asked to make an e-sign system that manipulates PDFs to insert an image and the date at different coordinates on x number of different pages.

200 hours later, it was done. Now I'm the PDF guy

The only reason I use Linux is because I can't get a mac.

I saw a meme about USB and thought I could make a stop motion gif. Here it is. 😁

Keep your arrogance, your fucking stupid logic and religious belief about everthing you say is right aside.

when somebody says there is a better way to solve a problem.. you can do two things. you either listen to them, validate the idea and accept or reject based on discussion or you just be an arrogant fucking prick and stick to your fucking reasoning, about your "right" way.

Don't do the latter. Wont help you become better neither at work nor in life.

FUCK YOU.

- a teammate

When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?

Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.

why the fuck people name variables endig with numbers? why? how the hell do you even figure out what's what?

checkStatus1
checkStatus2
checkStatusMyAss

me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......

*goes on to explain cool stuff*

her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?

me : I AM DONE

The startup life culture is probably killing a lot of talent and taking away peace of mind.

Everything is needed
- too fast
- to work well

Forcing people to compromise on personal life and health.

It also takes away the interest to work on something as an interesting problem and makes it feel like "just another job to get finished".

In the last project i worked in, the product owner wouldn't treat people as people but as resources.

The problem with that is you just look at people and their work in terms of a checklist and remain blind about real humans face.

She wouldn't understand the challenges of building something with an absolutely new stack which people needed to learn from scratch and put pieces together. She wouldn't be supportive of people trying out things and fail.

One fine day I told her that I was spending too much time on meetings and i should be excluding that time from available sprint timings.. she made me open my calendar in a screenshare session with all team members. Made me go through go through every meeting invite i had on calender and ordered which ones should i be attending from then and which ones i wont. That was insulting. It broke the trust.

I decided to not work with the project. Stopped putting my heart and soul into it and eventually got out of it in a month time.

Don't put your team into a position like this ever. You have to trust them with the problems they face and try to find a solution. Scrutinizing and micro management will always kill the team.

Time Not Found! :P

I will be working from home tomorrow.

*Today*

I am at office because fuck me! I forgot my laptop charger here.

Why do so many companies think that frontend work can be stuffed at the end of the product development right before a release is expected.

And to top it off, expect all things to be working, smooth, animating, responsive, crisp, fast with 100 fucking lighthouse score.

🖕 To everyone who thinks frontend work is meh!, Not real programming and similar. Fuck you!

For fuck sake Facebook! do position:fixed for your goddam toolbar on mobile site because you have that fucking infinite scroll!

That feeling when a coworker screws up totally. doesn't accept it as their fault.

You look at the code and see so much of redundancy and bad practice galore.

You look at it for a while and think you can rewrite it from scratch. But you finally end up saying "fuck this" and feel hopeless because there is not enough time.

Hate that feeling. Hate it. Depresses.

Friend : hey! I wanna buy a laptop.. range is about entry level nothing hi fi! But it should work for 3-4 years.

Me : sure.. give me a few hours..i'll get back.

*Looks all around foe the best thing in that price range.

*Sends a list of laptops ranked based on value for money.

Friend : bought it! Yay! 😎😎😎

*Buys the shittiest laptop they could find at that price range with an absolute old age processor.

Why the fuck did you even ask me at the first place? Fucked couple of hours for me.

Scientists have found that If you just kill the Chrome process, it can give you enough charge to fully charge your Mobile Phone.

!rant

I am the happiest person today. Thanks @dfox. 😍

I asked one of my engineering classmate which processor they had in their laptop.

Ans : 3GB.

I dont know whether they dont know a shit about computers or they are too bad at english.

#LifeRightNow
- need to find a new place and roommates to live with
- my gf's father doesn't want us to marry.
- my joint family wants to get separated.
- my boss wants me to be at our primary office ( i work remotely ) asap irrespective of anything since it is our biggest production yet.
- i am about the least productive i can be from last couple of weeks.
- going through a serious allergic condition.

#FuckMyLife

well a 🖕🏼 to everybody who thinks CSS isn't really "coding". Stop shaming CSS and people who love it because the moment you would be asked a simple alignment problem, you'll shit your pants.

No! not because it's a hard thing to do in CSS(there are tons of ways to do it.) but because you are ignorant and have prejudice.

🖕🏼 you again!

Now my facebook messenger app does it's updates inside the app without my consent to install an apk.
I'm scared

If a programmer writes colour, he is not a programmer!

"by the way, the PROD and QA services use the same database tables"

develop/test/debug in one screen. Best Monitor Setup :D

Oh, you work in software? I had this cool idea...

My password manager!!
I use passwords I can never remember, stay logged in, next time I need to log_in I use the passqord forgotten button, reset it with my e-mail or better phone

- UI Developer Interview
- 5+ years of revelant experience.
- Says pretty good at CSS
- Have not heard of box model.

FUCK INTERVIEWS. FUCK EXPERIENCE. FUCK EVERYTHING.

Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.

***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion

#my brain hurts

20 mins and it's still here. I think my death will arrive sooner than the update finishes.

to whomever it may concern...

if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.

i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell.

Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't​ know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.

Whatever the fuck is 'absolutely accurate estimates'.

Why do supermarkets still use windows xp? Grr! Stuck at billing now.

Best part of being a dev is that you get to be part of an amazing community like devRant.

Also the kind of jokes and stories devs get to share and laugh about is beyond anything. 😍

Disclaimer!!!
Do at your own risk.
-----------------------------------
- Take a strong magnet, like a neodymium magnet.
- Hold it in your hand.
- Move your hand across a Macbook 15"'s keyboard. Say from left to right or vice versa. Almost touching they keys.

You'll see the screen dimming. If you just hold it there for a little longer, it'll lock your macbook. It's funny, but I am not sure if it's doing some damage to hardware.

Has anybody worked with HP Quality Center that runs only on IE? Yeah! I hate both of them.

why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.

You know you hit rock bottom when can only comunicate with a chat bot.

He pushes "build"
But alas
New requirement email

What do people feel about remote work?
I got into my current work about 8 months and we all were remote working.

In 8 months, we met in person several times and worked together at one place for a week or two.

We have never overcome the feeling of a disconnect when we work remotely. There's less focus and less clarity on things to do.

Is this common? How do people be focused and productive in remote work?

Also how do people communicate effectively?

I get a chill or an eerie feeling when there are more programs open than needed and I go ahead and kill them.

Is it just me or happens to others too?

Been using Macbook Pro for 6 months now for development work. Except for the retina display and the battery, I don't like a shit. I would love to go back to ubuntu and a normal keyboard layout.

A game lover and anticipator of No Man's Sky. It's the shittiest, most boring, most repetative game i ever played. the graphics sucks. the game assets suck...the game sucks. The apparent lack of variety and stuff you can do will piss you off. This is thr game which could have been one od the best but turned out to be worst.

Motherfuck oh clients! My goodness their requirements.

They want a tiny part of an app load inside an iframe in a different app and have the data communicate both ways and the ui should look seamless and mobile responsive too.

What the actual fuck? iframe in 2016 ? Seriously?

Ratatta!

I worked hard to learn it so I can impress and then ended up loving way too much that it became my career.

Does anyone else feel like their brains aren't working, like they cant focus on anything and this has been going on for more than a week now?

I know there are things to do. I have gone through huge pain created github issues for those things but my brain just seems to reject the idea that it can solve those issues. Just feels like playing a game or just killing time would be best!

Needless to say I hate it.

Happens/happening with others?

from PRC

so what is worse than monday morning?

It's finding the right angle for your macbook pro screen because the office changed the fucking lights and they reflect more than ever.

AND THEY ARE BRIGHT AS HELL. MY EYES BURN!

every fucking time when the product owners start talking absolute shit that you have no idea and you would never need to know or listen to.

ITS A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE IT OFFLINE.

so i took a deep dive into my work at the previous company, the amount of effort i put in and the amout of new things i learned. At that time I was pissed every moment that I had to work there and it was such a pathetic place..but now I feel i created amazing things there. brought a smile today. Not a rant.. but something my fellow devs might have felt.

this happens when i am learning something new and however much i try, i cannot solve a problem, i go home and cook. Clean the kitchen in best possible way. Eat with peace and voila.. things start making sense. :)

1. Only thing where correct logic doesn't backfire at you.

2. It is a wonderful thing where you get the satisfaction of solving something, organizing things and making things look beautiful all at once.

3. Its the only thing I know how to do to make money :p

The sticker would look amazing on my laptop, too bad i'm not going to get one soon 🙁🙁

I need a scraper, or a f$$$in api

Darn!
It's simply the Parkinson's Law guys, it says that 'work' expands as until it reaches it's deadlines (if any), so for indefinite time, I guess I'll plan and admire many projects but COMPLETE NONE!

DEADLINES ARE NECESSARY,

else I'll keep kn moving from one project to another without any plans of completion :3

Anybody using Jetbrains PyCharm on Linux ?

I'm using Fedora 25/ pre-release, and It's rock solid except for wifi hotspot and I don't need it.

Now my school gave me a Windows 10 pro key, and I'm hesitant.
Should I install it ?
Will I need it ?