Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

(In science class)

Teacher: What are clouds made of?

Me: Servers, preferably Linux.

Teacher: ?

Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.

Me: What exactly do you not like?

Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.

I...I don’t know what to say.

Person: Check out this “savage” file!

Me: Huh?

Person: *Shows SVG file*

🙄

Person: Hey, I heard you are good at programming, can—

Me: No.

So I just got one of those pop ups saying YOUR COMPUTER HAS BEEN HACKED.

I decided to call the number, while firing up a Linux virtual machine, running Linux Mint. I customized the home button to look like the Windows start menu logo, and proceeded to let that scammer connect to it.

He was so confused, considering the script he was reading off of was meant for windows. He opened up terminal, and started typing in "tree" and told me that's how many viruses I have.

😂😂😂

So the person from my previous rant actually tried to make AI in HTML.

Person: I made that AI in HTML today!

Me: Oh really?

Person: Yup. *Opens HTML site*

It was a site that

1) Used JavaScript
2) Was a prompt(), and after answering it alerts "Yes" or "No" randomly.

Me: That's not AI

Person: Uhh yeah it is. It uses a neural network to answer!

Me: Actually, a neural network is a dot product of an input and vectors that are refined using partial derivatives.

Person: Yeah! That's what Math.random() and alert() do!

I left that room as quickly as I could (yet again).

Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*

1.269427 milliseconds later...

Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!

Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.

I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.

Person: I want to learn to code neural networks and cool AI stuff.

Me: Look into Python or Lua.

Person: Those are too hard, I'm going to use HTML instead.

I got out of there as fast as I could. 😅

There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.

Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.

In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.

I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.

Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦‍♂️

I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.

He left class with a priceless look on his face.

No kink shaming

Today (as a joke), I asked my class if there were any “professional HTML programmers” who could help me.

Surprisingly a couple people came over with smirks on their face. I thought they were going along with the joke.

Turns out, they were serious. They legitimately believed that they were professional HTML programmers and talked to me in such a condescending way that I was speechless.

“This is called a file. See that part after the dot? That’s what makes it HTML. HTML is an incredibly hard programming language and powers CPUs and the computer that you are using.”

I didn’t know how to respond. Hopefully they were joking.

Most progress/loading bars are fake.

My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅

I got a client asking for a free website for their company because it’s Black Friday...

Person: Your website doesn't work.
Me: Why?
Person: Nothing happens when I click.
Me: Did you disable JavaScript?
Person: Yeah, sounds shady.

I love the feeling of closing a ton of tabs after finally fixing a bug.

Person: *glances at my grades*

Me: Here we go again.

Person: I thought you were smart. How did you manage to get a C?!

It was a C (programming language) quiz. 🙄

I had a client reach out to me to build a website for a company they’re starting.

The email was well-written and I was considering doing it—but then I read the last sentence.

“I think it’s appropriate for you to do it for free since I took the time to reach out to you”

Hi there fellas,

I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.

It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.

I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.

I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.

I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.

He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.

The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.

I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.

So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.

At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.

That's it.
My first story about my first job.

Thank you for reading 😊

Your branch isn't as good as you think it is

There’s a fundamental difference between development and other jobs.

Doctor: Hey! My left arm is hurting and has been swollen for a while, I think it might be sprained. *pays $100*

Taxi Driver: Hey! Can you ride me over to this exact address? Thanks. *pays $20 + tip*

Construction Worker: I’m going to need this exact item in the blueprint built here with these materials. *pays $1000*

Mechanic: This part of my car isn’t working correct and it displays this exact warning. *pays $100*

Developer: Yo I need a cool free website that looks pretty awesome with like rainbows and stuff by tomorrow.

Garbage collectors always fail to dispose of one critical thing: my code.

My goals for 2018? Make less GitHub contributions.

Understanding recursion requires understanding recursion first.

Person: I liked your personal website’s design, is it ok if I use it?

Me: A personal website should reflect your own style of design. Try creating one instead of using mine.

Person: Oh well, I liked yours more so I used it. Thanks anyway!

They literally have an exact copy of the code with different content. 😒

Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁

I hate all of these rants about JavaScript being a terrible language.

In reality, it's one of the easiest languages to work with. This makes it easier for new programmers to write messy code, but is it the language's fault?

People get mad about the things that happen when you multiply "undefined" and a string...what do you expect?

You also have the freedom to choose from a variety of tools the community has created to solve existing problems. People just don't realize that they don't *have* to learn everything, you just learn as you need them.

Don't blame JavaScript for you bad programming, terrible type conversion needs, and great tooling.

I can't quit making jokes about exiting Vim.

Here are my 2016 Github commits!

What's yours?

I'm in that weird spot where the more I study programming, the more I realize I know next to nothing. I get pretty demotivated at times because it can be so overwhelming to study for hours, finally understand a topic... only to find out the next thing is even worse and there's literally thousands of things to learn, from languages themselves, to rules, best practices, paradigms and so on and so forth.

How do you guys deal with this? Do you even have the same problem?

Some interesting news:
(Non-literal translation)
Steam is currently working on a Windows emulator that may run any games from your steam library on Linux.
What do you think guys?
I like that Steam cares about Linux users.

Just because you can learn HTML in a day doesn’t mean that you don’t need a degree.

Did you know that your browser, HTML, CSS, Javascript, and even your operating system use linked lists, binary trees, hash tables, and other so-called “useless” data structures?

It’s important to understand the roots and fundamentals of computer science even if you won’t use that knowledge day to day.

It changes your perspective on programming once you learn what actually goes on under the hood, and makes you think twice about the impact of what you write.

It’s relatively easy to get a programming job without a degree nowadays, but it often leads to web developers claiming that degrees aren’t important to their web apps.

There is much more than just the web to computer science, and that’s something to always keep in mind.

Why do people have to lie? I am seriously getting tired of it.

Context: While I was on vacation the company hired some guy we’ll call Bob.
Bob is a senior with 10+ years of experience. 5 of those years in React (supposedly).
I got back from vacation and was told I’d be working on a project with Bob.
I’ve worked in teams before so I thought no problem.

Now I am aware that different people have different styles, so that’s why we agreed on a lint config with some fancy git hooks.

I was excited at first because the project actually seems nice, but my excitement soon turned into terror.

First of all, Bob doesn’t seem to understand Git…fair enough, I’ll give him a quick guide…

Mf calls me at 11pm on a Friday because he can’t push because the tests are failling.

Now tests. Bob doesn’t write those. Great.

We had created a few components to use throughout the project.

Bob seems to consistently forget what components are and why you write them and just imports the defaults from the UI library we’re using.

Bob also has a kink for hardcoding values for some reason.

I talked to Bob multiple times about this and he just tells me he’ll change it but in the end the PR stays open for 5 days, before it’s actually me who goes in and fixes it. Oh and yeah this shit keeps happening over and over again.

Now I know some of us devs hate meetings but for the love of God Bob just show up. You don’t even have to speak. Or at least answer a message that corresponds to the working hours and not in the middle of the night.

I am getting tired of this behavior and am seriously holding back from reporting this to the management. It’s been a month and I am seriously worried about the project. I have my own stuff to do but it takes time for me to clean up his absolute mess that doesn’t even pass the CI.

Call me an asshole I don’t care. It’s been a month and I’m legit worried about the future of the project.

I hate when you copy something important to the clipboard, and accidentally copy something else later.

It's my second rant about Windows here in two days, but here we go:

Windows used to be a cool OS (and in part it still is). Yes, it's made for the end user, not power users, yes it has many flaws. But it was my gateway to computers and programming. I have fond memories of my first PC, playing around with the old win98 themes (my favorite was the baseball one!).

However, I am very disappointed now. I just had to basically force Windows 10 to stop hogging my bandwidth. It was an actual battle, with the OS simply (I kid you not) running update and other services EVEN AFTER I SPECIFICALLY DISABLED THEM. I just saw the Windows update service running, while its status was disabled. It's absurd.

Sorry Windows, but that's not what I want. I want to choose what happens on my own OS. Linux gives me exactly that, why can't you?

My mother is a manipulative bitch.

From my childhood, I remember nothing but fear and guilt. When I was 13, she shamed me for my body looking ugly and too feminine. She shamed me for having better vision than her, and that I don’t need to wear glasses.

I had a broken toe once, and she shamed me into admitting it wasn’t in fact broken. After two weeks of pain, she finally got me to the doctor, and x-ray had shown it was in fact broken.

She always made me carry her heavy luggage with her crap to the airport, and once I got hernia. The surgery was needed. After the surgery, they didn’t care, didn’t give me the time to recover, and made me carry her crap again. The second surgery was needed. It was more complex than the first one. Now my body is ruined by those disgusting scars. I hate my body now. It is ruined.

She tried to knock down the door into my room when I was crying and didn’t want to talk.

She screamed at me when I wanted to donate some of my old clothes to charity, the ones I bought with my own money. She is so obsessed with her crap. She hoards it, and she was hoarding it into _my_ room, not hers.

My father is still unknown. She abandoned me as a kid for my grandparents to grow me. I barely saw her till the age of six. Then I grew up with her and my stepdad, and their relationship was all manipulation and guilt. She made him apologize and beg almost every day over the course of thirteen years. They were fighting about their miserable sexual life, lack of her orgasms while I was still a kid. She just didn’t care. Once they decided to talk about their pissing kink right next to me when I was (not in fact) asleep.

When I was raped, she did nothing. She just kept on calling me beautiful and insisting she wanted me to wear mascara, while hating gay people. It was all before I realized my gender identity.

She also didn’t notice I was autistic. She liked it, as it gave her advantage. It’s easy to manipulate an autistic teenager.

After my coming-out, she told me she had cancer, and she wanted to stop treatment in order to “die sooner and not see me”.

But once my bipolar disorder awakened, things changed. Bipolar is my shield. I can be manipulated, yes, but bipolar will obliterate my whole world view once a year, together with your manipulative crap you planted into my life. And because it dismantled a 19-year-long, almost fractal manipulative masterpiece, I fear nothing now.

I disowned her some two years ago.

Me: Updating the content requires replacing the child.

Person: Uh...

My "Sorry, but not so sorry OneDrive" package arrived. Let's build a cloud!

Another chapter in the life of a novice programmer:

I work a lot with PHP and Laravel, but I feel I'm ready for different challenges. I spent all of last week searching online and getting advice on what language I should focus on next. My two first options were Java and C... So naturally I ended up choosing Python :P

At least I'm certain now and already started studying and wow, I think I made the right choice!

Just entered my password, looked at devrant on my phone, looked back on the screen. "Here you go f**kwhit, I turned into the blue screen of death just because I didn't had your attention"
Did this another time while writing this rant. F**K OFF Winderp!

Colleague: No the logic is stored in post_2.php but before you edit it make sure you make a post_2.bk.php just in case we need to revert the change.

Me: ....k

I didn't just yet, although I probably found my kink while programming.
Turns out I'm masochistic as I enjoy suffering induced by programming stuff.

First rant, technically a sysadmin but getting into the nitty-gritty of programming with some things to improve my job (and hopefully moving into something more technical).

Have been doing a paid internship at my utility company. I do patch management with SCCM and sometimes the updates break. I've been using Powershell to reset the Windows update cache to make the computers work again. Unfortunately, this sometimes involves logging into machines to do some manual work and I have to notify users before I log in if they're already logged in.

Scripts can be run silently but I've spent a few weeks trying to automatically retry Software Center updates with Powershell … before realizing just today that the system center action "Application Deployment Evaluation Cycle" does indeed do the thing I've been attempting to do with Powershell for weeks now.

Wish me luck as I automate that part of the process and completely automate the sole job they gave me to do. Don't tell on me!

I’ve been seeing a lot of developers claiming “JavaScript sucks” because they do stuff like:

10 + window * [“JS sucks lol”] / {a: []}

What do you expect?

Penetration test 😏. Is there any other kinky term you know in computer sciences? Spill the beans.

This lady hotdesking near me harps on about her amazing Meetup that she's organized. She believes she can be an authority on a highly technical subject without knowing how to force quit an app on her Mac.
Shysters!

My university provides advanced education courses and you'll get certified if you pass them. I'm really interested but I don't have so much time, so which one should I pick?
List of courses I'm interested in:

SQL
IT-Security
Project Management
PHP

I'm curious about your suggestions ;)

Today I started setting up an environment to learn C. It's my first dive into anything more complex than PHP. Wish me luck!

Also, any hints for a beginner in C?

I've realized that what I once thought of as a glamorous job is really no different than any other. Speed and quantity is praised over quality and adoration is never received. Prestige is as much dependent on who you know than your code.

Maybe I'm just jaded.

When you forget to open cmd as admin and it blocks your commands for lack of credentials

I remember learning how to program 5-6 years ago. It was completely broken. All of these “courses” just teach the syntax of a language. They usually don’t even teach how it works or what it’s used for. Knowing the syntax is great and all, but what’s important is learning to apply it to solve problems.

A lot of other basic things are often overlooked as well. For example, introducing a text editor and the command line would have been incredibly valuable.

For a long while I was using online editors and logging the output of functions instead of actually making projects.

I’m glad I kind of created my own way of learning: by making projects. Just hopping into something was the best way to learn from me. If I got stuck, I’d simply look it up. As a result, I was able to actually apply my skills to learn.

I got some slight love lately...might need to become a Dev and actually contribute more then.

I took a break from the chaos of programming and took the time to set some clear goals to realign myself.

It was refreshing, but I’m excited to be back :)

I'm not one of those "windows sucks lol" guys, but I got used to having my dev environment set on Linux and due to some technical problems I'm setting things up on Windows for a while (dual boot).

Now... Jesus CHRIST how annoying this is. First, I use Laravel and the whole documentation assumes you're either using Mac or Linux. Second, everything has to be added to the god-damned PATH. Third, Windows sole purpose now seems to be updating the PC (and hogging my bandwidth in the process) so I had to waste time taming the beast called Windows Update.

Again, not the stupid old Linux vs Windows thing. I use both for different things, but had never set up a dev environment on Windows.

A wonder happened and I accidentally understood the whole thing about pointers.
Thankfully before the test on Saturday.
Here I come Dynamic Data Structures!

I swear to god that Docker is the worst thing in the world.

I'm trying to learn how to work with this f thing, and I've spent hours just troubleshooting, looking up on google how to do one simple task and I have yet to find a solution on this messed up, convoluted way of running a god damn project.

The irony is I feel more satisfied removing code than writing code.

I remember when I first graduated, I could only find job opportunities where companies wanted Mid to Senior levels. Now, 4 years later, I can only find job opportunies for Senior level devs.

Fuck this market so much, why did I had to like programming.

Please format issues and PRs correctly. As an open source maintainer it's already hard enough to respond to all of your demands.

But when you make an issue with the title of "error in app.js" with NO DESCRIPTION, and then think you're entitled to ME FIXING IT?!?

Please know that we do this for (mostly) free, and try to make our lives easier by giving us a detailed description of what is going on.

Thanks.

My little journey of regrets:
I remember when I was fourteen, I opened a small gap the door of "programming". It were the first steps of html, tags and what they do, to be precise.
"May, looks good. Thanks for the glimpse. Cya"
For about the other half of my life only magic happened at my desktop.
And now I'm standing once again at the door of programming trying to breach it with nukes n shit.
"Giev me all the knowledge plx, teach me senpai! I will never ignore and betray you again!"

Hey fellas, I have a question about Windows and Linux.
I love Ubuntu on my Laptop and since gaming is no prio at this time I'd like to install Linux on my Rig.
I want to install Linux on a separate drive and unplug my Windows drive so Linux can boot alone without selection at Bootmanager.
However, I'd like the possibility that Bootmanager will let me choose if I plug the Windows drive back in (just in case I'm really in need of Windows).
Is it possible?

Guys, I'm a bit into those dev-stickers, but the hell, I can't find any Pascal ones.
If someone know where to get them, please share with us/me.

Thx in advance.

I'm sitting here and trying to do some workers council stuff, but we changed the password for the WC Laptop. So I was trying for about an hour. After asking all council-mates I finally got access to the Laptop, but wait!
Guess who's updating! 😑🔫

Workers' council & girlfriend.
Enough social life for a lifetime.

man that whole lua shit from neovim really went overboard

like seriously, that shit used to be for msgpack/RPC and they've literary made it default then built-in and now the whole fucking remote protocol's silently rotting 🪰 away...

A software fuckup so massive the fucking editor now needs 2 running instances so their "lua kink" can keep going.

No wonder fucking denops was born

----

only thing keeping me there's tree sitter but once that gets inside vim/vim it's byebye fuckers

As a follow-up to my last rant, I figured out the SQL (well, WQL) query that would get me what I wanted: a collection of machines that had an error on a deployment.

I also figured out how to automate fixing the error'd machines and turning all of my possible fixes into one script that would also auto-deploy to the collection that was made with the query.

My senior coworker is impressed. He has been doing it manually for years and I was hired partially to take the load off of him. They're putting me on some more challenging projects and it's nice to be a better part of the team.

Not much of a rant, or even much of a developer thing, but I hope this bit of positivity makes for a lighter read in your Algo.

My first programming language was PHP and lately I've started looking for a new language to learn. My first idea was C, but after talking to professors in college they pointed out Java would be a good option. They made fair points regarding our local market and job openings. Now I'm in doubt: C or Java?

After leaving my internship job to try out pre-med, getting to the end of pre-med, and studying for the MCAT for months, I am now getting married in May and looking for an apartment, so nixing the medical school idea...

Trying to get my old job back, was absolutely *lovely* to see that SCCM (the abusive father that it is, I knew how to work with him) is now getting discontinued? Man.

Might just bumrush these IT certs and see what happens. At least I know LaTeX now.