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~During app demo to our client~
- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙
13 -
Learnt Murphy's law the hard way,
Don't use your office laptop to create a personal auto porn downloading project specially when your boss suddenly wants to use your laptop to do a product demo to client.
Now looking for a new job, let me know if anyone need a smart developer who loves solving problems like the one mentioned above.26 -
I once changed all my error messages to say “Processed successfully” because I had a demo yet the software was very buggy.
I bought myself time to fix the bugs later.
#demoHack7 -
I once worked until 8am to get a demo ready for a client of the client. I knew the client was a bit thick, so I made some comprehensive video demos and sent them over to him, to save him trying to demo it himself. I wake up at 11am with him screaming down the phone at me:
“It doesn’t work, none of it works!”
“What do you mean?”
“I go to login and I can’t enter anything.”
“I haven’t sent you anything to log into...wait, are you trying to log into a video? Tell me you’re not trying to log into a video of a login page.”
“Uh...oh hang on, it just worked. Ok no pr-“
“No wait, what do you mean it worked?”
“I logged in fine.”
“It’s a video. You can’t log into a video.”
“Uh...alright, bye mate, thanks!”
The moral of the story is: never assume any level of intelligence on the part of a client, even if they exhibit signs of it at first. If they are paying you they will forget how to tie their own shoelaces.10 -
Client: "Do you think we could finish specs in week 33, see a demo in week 35, and aim for the product to be finished in week 39?"
I jump on the conference room table, rip the shirt off my sweaty chest, and yell:
"WEEKS OF WHAT? 31 WEEKS SINCE YOU BECAME A CLIENT, 35 WEEKS FROM NOW, 39 WEEKS INTO THE PREGNANCY? BLOODY FUCKING HELL MAN, DO YOU HAVE TO TALK LIKE A RETARD?"
Client, unfazed: "Weeks since the start of the year, sir"
Me, swinging my pants above my head like a lasso:
"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SNOWFLAKE ARE YOU, YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COUNT THE WEEKS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR? WHAT ABOUT JUST USING DAY OF THE MONTH YOU OBNOXIOUS DIMWIT?"
Client: "We always use weeks at our company to plan things"
Me, winding the legs of my pants around the neck of the client:
"I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WEEKNUMBERS, JAKE. I. FUCKING. HATE. IT."
Client, still pretending everything is fine: "If you want I could send you a screenshot of my outlook calendar?"
Me, sitting in underpants on the client's back, sweaty legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull out his gel-infested manager-hair while strangling him with my pants:
"TIME OF DEATH, UNIX TIMESTAMP 1595240810, ISO 8601 DATE 2020-07-20T10:26:50+00:00. ANOTHER PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY WRAPPED UP"
(parts of this story may have been dramatized to reflect my underlying emotions)30 -
Probably the biggest one in my life.
TL:DR at the bottom
A client wanted to create an online retirement calculator, sounds easy enough , i said sure.
Few days later i get an email with an excel file saying the online version has to work exactly like this and they're on a tight deadline
Having a little experience with excel, i thought eh, what could possibly go wrong, if anything i can take off the calculations from the excel file
I WAS WRONG !!!
17 Sheets, Linking each other, Passing data to each sheet to make the calculation
( Sure they had lot of stuff to calculate, like age, gender, financial group etc etc )
First thing i said to my self was, WHAT THE FREAKING FUCK IS THIS ?, WHAT YEAR IS THIS ?
After messing with it for couple of hours just to get one calculation out of it, i gave up
Thought about making a mysql database with the cell data and making the calculations, but NOOOO.
Whoever made it decided to put each cell a excel calculation ( so even if i manage to get it into a database and recode all the calculations it would be wayyy pass the deadline )
Then i had an epiphany
"What if i could just parse the excel file and get the data ?"
Did a bit of research sure enough there's a php project
( But i think it was outdated and takes about 15-25 seconds to parse, and makes a copy of the original file )
But this seemed like the best option at the time.
So downloaded the library, finished the whole thing, wrote a cron job to delete temporary files, and added a loading spinner for that delay, so people know something is happening
( and had few days to spare )
Sent the demo link to client, they were very happy with it, cause it worked same as their cute little excel file and gave the same result,
It's been live on their website for almost a year now, lot of submissions, no complains
I was feeling bit guilty just after finishing it, cause i could've done better, but not anymore
Sorry for making it so long, to understand the whole thing, you need to know the full story
TL:DR - Replicated the functionality of a 17 sheet excel calculator in php hack-ishly.8 -
Me: "If today's demo to the client goes well,i will get my first cheque"
My server:"If today i stop working,it will be great"
Android Studio: "If i force a gradle update,it will be just fine".
*crying*
Fuuuuuck.Why nothing goes my way when I want it to????Whhhhyyyyy??3 -
We had a client visit our PH office to "hang out" and see the progress in this educational type game we were building for their private school (apparently, it's the one that Obama's kids went to).
Manager oversold the progress and actually guaranteed some features that we were still working on and estimated to finish in the next 3 sprints (2 week intervals).
Client was due to be in the office in 2 days.
PM pushes back and says we need to manage client expectations properly.
CEO got wind and sat the dev team down. Dev lead, two seniors, and junior me. He sat us down and asked us what we think.
Lead says we can do it.
Now to be fair, I know this guy to be very competent and an INCREDIBLE programmer. He is the person I consider to be the first real mentor I ever had but I really thought we were fucked here.
Next day and half was hell--for me, at least and I really couldn't see how this was all possible.
But then the fucker came through. This beautiful, majestic meganerd and the two other guys shat out 6 weeks of code in ~30 hours.
And the crazy part was it was all working. Bugs were caught in the next few days for sure, but the demo went flawlessly.
I never doubted this guy again.
Years later, I'd meet up with him and would talk fondly about those days and all he could say was "I don't really remember". He remembers the project and that we had a demo but he couldn't remember anything around those days.
Two of the most stressful days of my life and to him it was a fucking Wednesday. What a fucking champ.4 -
How to get six pack Abs (Developer Version):
1. Do 20 bicycle crunches whenever your test fails.
2. 30 seconds plank whenever there's a issue assigned to you for your code.
3. 50 mountain climbers whenever the code breaks while you are giving a demo to client/boss.
4. 12 jack-knife sit-ups whenever you miss your deadline for more than 2 weeks.11 -
The team had just created an analytics dashboard web application for a client. During the demo, client asks: "Can we have a download button that saves all the graphs in a powerpoint, 1 graph per slide with a title?"6
-
So this client wanted a demo on Dockers. So I gave the demo with some microservices running on different containers. Later the clients come back and say, "Docker is good. But please fit all the microservices in one container." I say but that defeats the purpose of microservices. But no, the client say. I tried explaining but no is no. Shit!! Fine! Have it your way!!5
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After returning back from the company we were purchasing a new phone system (hardware+software, $100K+, kind of a big deal)
VP: “I need the new phone system software integration for our CRM by next week. I need to demo the system for the other VPs”
Me: “No problem. Were you able to get their API like I asked?”
VP: “Salesman didn’t know for sure what that was, but he said all the developer software documentation is on their site.”
Me: “Did he give you a URL? Their main site is all marketing mumbo-jumbo. I assume there is another one specific for developers.”
VP: “Yea, he might have said something, but I don’t understand why you need it. The salesman said the integration would be seamless. He showed me several demos.”
Me: “No, I mean I need to know, is the API a full client install? a simple dll? is this going to be a web service integration? How will I know what to program against?”
VP: “I think I heard him say something about COM? Does that sound like an API?”
Me: “It’s a start. Did he provide you anything, a disk, a flash drive, anything with the software?”
VP: “No, only thing he told me was our CRM integration would be seamless and our development team would have no problems.”
Me: “OK..OK…I get it…he’s a salesman. Is there an 1-800 number I can call? A technical support email address? Anyone technical I can reach out to?”
VP: “Probably, but I don’t understand what the problem is. I need the CRM integrated by next week. I gave the other VPs a promise we would get it done. I do not break promises.”
Me: “Wait…when are we installing the new system?”
VP: “Well, the purchase order will be cut at the end of the month’s billing cycle, the company has about a two month turnaround time to deliver and install the hardware, so maybe 3 months from now? Are you going to be able to have the integration ready for next week?”
Me: “If we won’t see any of the hardware for 3 months, what exactly am I integrating with?”
VP: “That API you wanted or whatever it is. COM…yea, it’s COM. I was told the integration would be seamless and our developers would have no problem. I don’t understand why you can’t simply write the code to make it work. Getting the hardware installed is going to be the hardest part.”
Me: “OK, so I have no documentation, we have no hardware, no software, and no idea what this ‘seamless integration’ means. I’m afraid there isn’t anything I can do right now. ”
VP: “Fine!...I’ll just have to tell the other VPs you were not able to execute the seamless integration with the CRM.”
Which he did. When the hardware+software was finally installed, they hired consultants (because I “failed”). I think the bill was in the $50K range to perform the ‘integration’ which consisted of Excel spreadsheets (no kidding). When approached with the primary CRM integration, the team needed our API documentation, a year’s development time and $300K. I was pissed off enough, and I had the API documentation, I was able to get the basic CRM integration within 3 days. When an agent receives a call, I look up the # in our database, auto-fill the form with the customer info, etc. Easy stuff when you have the documentation.
The basics worked and the VP was congratulated by ‘saving’ the company $300K. May or may not have been bonuses involved, rumors still out on that one, but I didn't see em'. Later my manager told me the VP was really ticked that I performed the integration ‘behind his back’, but because it was a success, he couldn’t fire me.10 -
Client: I need a Website, You have "complete freedom" to choose an apt design, it should be professional and creative.
Designer: Ok.
~ Makes a top-notch Demo inspired from Apple Website ~
Client: It is not professional at all, you should use yellow color for header background. Matching the yellow in the logo, text should be in red. Use blue borders. "Make it more professional!"
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Change the font of the website, use something like this (shows Monotype Corsiva). Reduce the image sizes to stamp size. Give a zoom effect to the headings. Increase the text font size to 16px.
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Now it looks more professional!! You should hire me to your design department! And now, as I did the major design part you are only eligible for half the payment......
Designer: <<< what will you say? comment it below.. >>>10 -
Product team having a proof of concept demo with client:
Sales to client: "Just for the record, we are not selling this to a rival company. Because we really want this technology exclusive to you"
Me (thinking to myself): "Oh really? We just had a demo with them last 2 weeks"
One of the core values of our company is Integrity, and I am not just seeing it. -
When I was still a noob programmer, I was working on a website for a big client. We had a demo coming up in big city. So we drove there several hours and went to their office. All the management board and shareholders and what not were there.
So we started the demo. Everything had worked perfect the night before. But on that day, we were right away greeted with some stupid PHP error right there on the first page. Had to fix it quickly so we could continue with the demo, so I logged into their production server with SSH and started fixing the code with vim. I was connected to the projector, so my horrid noob code with cringy joke comments was there for everyone in the room to see.
Eventually got it working, but I saw several people in the room facepalming hard. Can't ever forget the day. :D1 -
I’m back for a fucking rant.
My previous post I was happy, I’ve had an interview today and I felt the interviewer acted with integrity and made the role seem worthwhile. Fuck it, here’s the link:
https://www.devrant.io/rants/889363
So, since then; the recruiter got in touch: “smashed it son, sending the tech demo your way, if you can get it done this evening that would be amazing”
Obviously I said based on the exact brief I think that’s possible, I’ll take a look and let them know if it isn’t.
Having done loads of these, I know I can usually knock them out and impress in an evening with no trouble.
Here’s where shit gets fucked up; i opened the brief.
I was met with a brief for an MVP using best practice patterns and flexing every muscle with the tech available...
Then I see the requirements, these fucking dicks are after 10 functional requirements averaging an hour a piece.
+TDD so * 1.25,
+DI and dependency inversion principle * 1.1
+CI setup (1h on this platform)
+One ill requirement to use a stored proc in SQL server to return a view (1h)
+UX/UI design consideration using an old tech (1-2h)
+unobtrusive jquery form post validation (2h)
+AES-256 encryption in the db... add 2h for proper testing.
These cunts want me to knock 15-20h of Work into their interview tech demo.
I’ve done a lot of these recently, all of them topped out at 3h max.
The job is middling: average package, old tech, not the most exciting or decent work.
The interviewer alluded to his lead being a bit of a dick; one of those “the code comes first” devs.
Here’s where shit gets realer:
They’ve included mock ups in the tech demo brief’s zip... I looked at them to confirm I wasn’t over estimating the job... I wasn’t.
Then I looked at the other files in the fucking zip.
I found 3 of the images they wanted to use were copyright withheld... there’s no way these guys have the right to distribute these.
Then I look in the font folder, it’s a single ttf, downloaded from fucking DA Font... it was published less than 2mo ago, the license file had been removed: free for Personal, anything else; contact me.
There’s no way these guys have any rights to this font, and I’ve never seen a font redistributed legally without it’s accompanying licence files.
This fucking company is constantly talking about its ethical behaviours.
Given that I know what I’m doing; I know it would have taken less time to find free-for-commercial images and use a google font... this sloppy bullshit is beyond me.
Anyway, I said I’d get back to the recruiter, he wasn’t to know and he’s a good guy. I let him know I’d complete the tech demo over the weekend, he’s looked after me and I don’t want him having trouble with his client...
I’ll substitute the copyright fuckery with images I have a license for because there’s no way I’m pushing copyright stolen material to a public github repo.
I’ll also be substituting the topic and leaving a few js bombs in there to ensure they don’t just steal my shit.
Here’s my hypotheses, anyone with any more would be greatly welcomed...
1: the lead dev is just a stuck up arsehole, with no real care for his work and a relaxed view on stealing other people’s.
2: they are looking for 15-20h free work on an MVP they can modify and take to market
3: they are looking for people to turn down this job so they can support someone’s fucking visa.
In any case, it’s a shit show and I’ll just be seeing this as box checking and interview practice...
Arguments for 1: the head told me about his lead’s problems within 20mn of the interview.
2: he said his biggest problem was getting products out quickly enough.
3: the recruiter told me they’d been “picky”, and they’re making themselves people who can’t be worked for.
I’m going to knock out the demo, keep it private and protect my work well. It’s going to smash their tits off because I’m a fucking great developer... I’ll make sure I get the offer to keep the recruiter looked after.
Then fuck those guys, I’m fucking livid.
After a wonderful interview experience and a nice introduction to the company I’ve been completely put off...
So here’s the update: if you’re interviewing for a shitty middle level dev position, amongst difficult people, on an out of date stack... you need people to want you, don’t fuck them off.
If they want my time to rush out MVPs, they can pay my day rate.
Fuuuuuuuuck... I typed this out whilst listening to the podcast, I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with shit.
Oh also; I had a lovely discriminatory as fuck application, personality test and disability request email sent to me from a company that seems like it’s still in the 90s. Fuck those guys too, I reported them to the relevant authorities and hope they’re made to look at how morally reprehensible their recruitment process is. The law is you don’t ask if the job can be done by anyone.6 -
Manager: Could you create the UI for the new feature? The client wants to test it. We need it in 3 days.
*1 week later*
Client: IT DOESNT WORK
Me: This is just a visual demo... but everything will work when we realse the feature.
Client: okay but can I see what it will do?
Of course you can! Just wait until we relase it!
*2 weeks later*
Manager: What are you doing?
Me: Working on the UI for the new feature.
Manager: Wait, hadn't you already done it for the demo?
Me: That UI didn't really work. It was basically a bunch of HTML, without reactivity or abstraction or any functionality.
Manager: Okay, how much where you able to re-use?
Me: almost nothing.
Manager: So... you wasted those 3 days?
Oh so I'm the one who wasted 3 days.
Me: Kinda, yeah
Manager: Why couldn't you have done this when I asked you to do the UI?
You can't expect good quality code in 3 days. Pls stop wasting it on demos.3 -
Did I ever tell you kids about the time I worked for a company that got a contract to develop an iOS application around some object detection software that had been developed by another team?
Company I was working for was a tiny software consultancy, and this was my first ever dev job (I’m at my second now 😅). Nobody at the company has experience building mobile applications but CEO decides that the app should be written in React Native because _he_ knows React Native.
During a meeting with the client, CEO jokes about how easy the ask is and says he could finish it in a weekend. Please note that Head of Engineering had already budgeted a quarter for the work. CEO says we can do it in a week! And moves up the deadline. And only assigns two engineers to project. I am not one of those engineers.
The two engineers that are put on it struggle. A lot. They can’t seem to get the object detection to work at all, and the code that’s already written is in Objective-C. I realize one of the issues is that the engineers on the project can’t read Objective-C because they have no experience with Objective-C or even C. I have experience with C, so I volunteer to take a look at it to try to see what’s going on.
Turns out the problem is that the models are trained on one type of image format and the iPhone camera takes images in a different format.
The end of the week comes, they do not succeed in figuring out the image conversion in React Native. There’s an in-person demo with the customers scheduled for the next Monday. CEO spends the weekend trying to build the app. Only succeeds in locking literally every other engineer out of the project.
They manage to negotiate a second chance where we deliver what we were supposed to deliver at the original schedule.
I spent the weekend looking up how to convert images and figure it would be a lot easier to interface with the Objective-C if we used Swift. Taught myself enough Swift over the weekend to feel dangerous. Spoke to Head of Engineering on Monday and proposed solution — start over in Swift. Volunteer to lead effort. Eventually convince them it’s a good idea (and really, what’s the worst that can happen? If this solves our main problem at the moment, that’s still more progress than the original team made)
Spend the next week working 16 hour days building out application. Meet requirements for next deadline. Save contract.
And that’s ONE of the stories of my first dev job that got me hired as a senior engineer despite only having 10 months of work experience in the industry.11 -
Devrant and pickpockets
A week ago on Tuesday was heading to meet my client for a demo presentation.Once in town and few metres from our meeting point thought of checking some few rants only for my device to be snatched from my hands and the pick pocket sublimes away.
I composed myself and went to the agreed meeting point only not to meet my client and they was no way I would reach out to him.After making few rounds waiting for him finally gave up and headed for home.
Fast forward I made a resolution not to get a new device till a week ends and had to roll back to a simple device till today.
With today being the D-day I did head to my carrier to get a new device and once the phone was being set up the customer care agent asks which app do you need set up.With no hesitation I gladly say DevRant and she got no idea what's that then after some explaining she says all give it a try with a smile.
I later leave the store a happy man with DevRant being the first app on my device as I ran stock android.
Glad to be back family.1 -
Both the PM and the client wanted to see if the app is actually working on the demo ,so I just showed a dummy dialog for 3 seconds;They actually fell for it.
1 -
*In Demo*
That's great but you know what would be really cool? If you changed the functionally to something I never mentioned before1 -
oh, it got better!
One year ago I got fed up with my daily chores at work and decided to build a robot that does them, and does them better and with higher accuracy than I could ever do (or either of my teammates). So I did it. And since it was my personal initiative, I wasn't given any spare time to work on it. So that leaves gaps between my BAU tasks and personal time after working hours.
Regardless, I spent countless hours building the thing. It's not very large, ~50k LoC, but for a single person with very little time, it's quite a project to make.
The result is a pure-Java slack-bot and a REST API that's utilized by the bot. The bot knows how to parse natural language, how to reply responses in human-friendly format and how to shout out errors in human-friendly manner. Also supports conversation contexts (e.g. asks for additional details if needed before starting some task), and some other bells and whistles. It's a pretty cool automaton with a human-friendly human-like UI.
A year goes by. Management decides that another team should take this project over. Well okay, they are the client, the code is technically theirs.
The team asks me to do the knowledge transfer. Sounds reasonable. Okay.. I'll do it. It's my baby, you are taking it over - sure, I'll teach you how to have fun with it.
Then they announce they will want to port this codebase to use an excessive, completely rudimentary framework (in this project) and hog of resources - Spring. I was startled... They have a perfectly running lightweight pure-java solution, suitable for lambdas (starts up in 0.3sec), having complete control over all the parts of the machinery. And they want to turn it into a clunky, slow monster, riddled with Reflection, limited by the framework, allowing (and often encouraging) bad coding practices.
When I asked "what problem does this codebase have that Spring is going to solve" they replied me with "none, it's just that we're more used to maintaining Spring projects"
sure... why not... My baby is too pretty and too powerful for you - make it disgusting first thing in the morning! You own it anyway..
Then I am asked to consult them on how is it best to make the port. How to destroy my perfectly isolated handlers and merge them into monstrous @Controller classes with shared contexts and stuff. So you not only want to kill my baby - you want me to advise you on how to do it best.
sure... why not...
I did what I was asked until they ran into classloader conflicts (Spring context has its own classloaders). A few months later the port is not yet complete - the Spring version does not boot up. And they accidentally mention that a demo is coming. They'll be demoing that degenerate abomination to the VP.
The port was far from ready, so they were going to use my original version. And once again they asked me "what do you think we should show in the demo?"
You took my baby. You want to mutilate it. You want me to advise on how to do that best. And now you want me to advise on "which angle would it be best to look at it".
I wasn't invited to the demo, but my colleagues were. After the demo they told me mgmt asked those devs "why are you porting it to Spring?" and they answered with "because Spring will open us lots of possibilities for maintenance and extension of this project"
That hurts.
I can take a lot. But man, that hurts.
I wonder what else have they planned for me...11 -
Fuck uninspired jr devs that are simply collecting a pay check.
I have been handed a project that a jr dev was allowed to wallow on for over two fucking years. This lazy mother fucker managed to create 5 functions, a whole fucking mess of bullshit that I now have to straighten out on top of the 8 other things that I have to deliver on in the next month.
They never followed requirements. Not-a-one. The API is fully broken. The DB schema is BEYOND fucked. There's ZERO validation/sanitation on I/O. The deployments only work half the fucking time. Their code is so spaghetti I'm getting triggered from when I worked at Olive Garden with Eminem. But hey, at least they were able to demo it to the client to say "it works".
I don't condone violence, but every time I find malformed if statements, linter exceptions, broken deploy configurations in this project -- I just want to kick them in their stupid fucking face.
Wherever you ended up you piece of shit, I hope your dreams of becoming a rich asshole only bring you unending despair. I believe you can make it though, because you're already halfway there.5 -
Client:we want dynamic mapping of network and packet flow visualization like;packet tracer simulation
Us: is 2D visualization enough.
Client:yeah
*fast forward after first demo*
Client: now make it 3D with pipes representing cable.and packets flowing through them like water.
Me: fucccccck3 -
I miss old times rants...So i guess, here it goes mine:
Tomorrow is the day of the first demo to our client of a "forward-looking project" which is totally fucked up, because our "Technical Quality Assurance" - basically a developer from the '90-s, who gained the position by "he is a good guy from my last company where we worked together on sum old legacy project...".
He fucked up our marvellous, loose coupling, publish/subscribe microservice architecture, which was meant to replace an old, un-maintainable enormous monolitch app. Basically we have to replace some old-ass db stored functions.
Everyone was on our side, even the sysadmins were on our side, and he just walked in the conversation, and said: No, i don't like it, 'cause it's not clear how it would even work... Make it an RPC without loose coupling with the good-old common lib pattern, which made it now (it's the 4th 2 week/sprint, and it is a dependency hell). I could go on day and night about his "awesome ideas", and all the lovely e-mails and pull request comments... But back to business
So tomorrow is the demo. The client side project manager accidentally invited EVERYONE to this, even fucking CIO, legal department, all the designers... so yeah... pretty nice couple of swallowed company...
Today was a day, when my lead colleague just simply stayed home, to be more productive, our companys project manager had to work on other prjects, and can't help, and all the 3 other prject members were thinking it is important to interrupt me frequently...
I have to install our projects which is not even had a heart beat... not even on developer machines. Ok it is not a reeeeaaally big thing, but it is 6 MS from which 2 not even building because of tight coupling fucktard bitch..., But ok, i mean, i do my best, and make it work for the first time ever... I worked like 10 ours, just on the first fucking app to build, and deploy, run on the server, connect to db and rabbit mq... 10 FUCKING HOURS!!! (sorry, i mean) and it all was about 1, i mean ONE FUCKING LINE!
Let me explain: spring boot amqp with SSL was never tested before this time. I searched everything i could tought about, what could cause "Connection reset"... Yeah... not so helpful error message... I even have to "hack" into the demo server to test the keystore-truststore at localhost... and all the fucking configs, user names, urls, everything was correct... But one fucking line was missing...
EXCEPT ONE FUCKING LINE:
spring.rabbitmq.ssl.enabled=false # Whether to enable SSL support.
This little bitch took me 6 hours to figure out...so please guys, learn from my fault and check the spring boot appendix for default application properties, if everything is correct, but it is not working...
And of course, if you want SSL then ENABLE it...
spring.rabbitmq.ssl.enabled=true
BTW i really miss those old rants from angry devs, and i hope someone will smile on my fucking torture5 -
Client : We want to develop this particular software. While developing it, we will be following Agile methodology.
Developers: Sure.
After developer achieves few features and decides to give 1st Demo of the software to the client.
Client : Wtf is this? This is an incomplete software, there are bugs in it.
Developer : Yes, you point that out to me and I will solve them.
Client: What do you mean point them out for you l, couldn't you do it yourself?
Developer: As a standard method, we often do unit tests, but we are not testers and with a strict deadline to match, we are more on the core implementation then checking again and again for minor bugs.
Client : I thought it would be a full proof software without any bugs in the 1st demo.
Developer : Software development is a process. It's not straightforward, hence you only mentioned at the initial, it's agile.
Client : If that's so, let's make it not agile and make you rot in hell for the next few fays. Now you next time show me a demo with no bugs, great complicated features and we will not mention you our expectations, predict them by yourselves, and most importantly, here's an impractical strict deadline.4 -
tldr:
first year in college we programmed 24 hrs straight to fix somebody's mess before the deadline. Decided not to screw him over, instead he claimed to have done everything and we failed the assignment.
Long version:
var group= new[]{"Mike", "Gavin", "Gus", "I", "Ben" };
var client = "Jack"';
First year of college we had an assignment to make a web program for somebody.
Ben wanted to join our group and he already knew a client so we let him join.
After joining Ben wanted to be project lead, but we already decided Mike based on his experience.
Ben claimed to be much better in every way than Mike at and kept coming with stuff the following weeks why we should make him project lead. He kept pointing out when Mike did something wrong and he even came with an audio file where he clearly made jack say that he wanted Ben to be project lead .
After that we were all a bit pissed and told him that he should get it in his head that he was not going to be project lead and just start working on his part of the assignment.
We also found out that Ben was a documentation addict, what we could write in a small paragraph, he wrote a whole page about it. No joke, I rewrote a page of his in 5-6 rows with the same information in it.
No problem you thing, wrong! Because of this he kept bothering us arguing and claiming that our documentation was wrong because it was to short.
In the week of the deadline we asked Ben if he was also done, and told us that he was done for a while now.
The day before the deadline we came to school thinking we only had to do some merging and finishing up documentation.
Then we found out that Ben has almost nothing, and what he had the IDE was screaming that it was incorrect, spaces in Id's and css class names for instance. A really good programmer, my ass!
We were so pissed off at this point, but we had 24 hrs and needed to come up with a plan to fix it.
We decided that Mike and I were going to fix Ben his shit in the coming 24 hrs and Ben was going to make our last bit of documentation because we would not have the time for that, Especially if we had to argue with him like we had to do for each bit of documentation. Gus did not have time and Gavin could not program on his own yet, he wanted to help, but helping him help us would cost more time than we had.
We all went home after that and Mike and I started to program 24 hours straight while in a Skype call, making what Ben had 2 months for. Shortly before the deadline Mike looked at our finishing up documentation received from Ben and told me it was "Okay" and zipped everything up and uploaded it to school with a few minutes to spare.
After that we thought everything was good, we made Ben's part work and delivered it in time. We also decided not to throw Ben under the bus, because this would hurt all our grades because we did not work good as a group since we should have noticed it earlier.
A few weeks go by till the assessment.
The assessment start with asking if we want individual grades or as a group when you all think you did equal amount. We choose as a group, because if we chose individual not only Ben but also Gavin would get a lower grade and we did not think that was fair because he tried so hard.
We demo the product and the teachers are positive. When the teachers start about the documentation, the first thing they tell is that they found something interesting in the documentation, and they read it to us:
"I, Ben, have made all the documentation because my group did not want to."
That was so far from the truth, we all did make our documentation about the parts we made. Yes he did do overall a little bit more because every single bit of documentation we had to argue with him, so every time he volunteers to make it, we would all agree. And he made Mike's and i's last bit of documentation.
Telling the teachers on that point would not have mattered, it would only have hurt is in another way, so we did not and all failed the assignment. And we all felt like to strangle him.
This is now a few years back, but i still want too.1 -
Fuck this short jackass asshole fucker fucking sales director that keeps promising features in no fucking feasible time just for his fuck fucking commission! Then the fucking cocksucker CEO enters the room on a Friday saying: "We will build this because we can't lose this client."
We never fucking had the client you giant asshole piece of shit! He just fucking lied on the demo and we have to deal with that!!! Tired of this shit5 -
Im gonna turn this topic on its head a little and mention the MOST NECESSARY feature that was never implemented in one of my projects.
It was an iOS client for a medical records system. Since it contained actual confidential medical information, some patient records could be “restricted”. Thos meant if you tried to open them you would be prompted for a reason, and this would be audited.
We already had 2 different iOS apps with this feature in place matching the web app. But for some reason with the 3rd app they just decided not to bother. I discovered that it was because the PO in charge of that project didnt consider it important enough for the demo. So we have one app where you can just bypass the whole auditing process and open restricted patient records freely.3 -
made a prototype and showed the demo to clients. They asked me where it was stored and how to access to the code. Told them where it was stored was was a trial and it has expired. Asked me why I didn't pay the subscription. Also asked me if I could send them the code, for them to "try using it" and "implement it in their office". Told them if they wanted to use the program, it needs to be done again (since this is a prototype). 3 days now, no sounds from the client.9
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Issue or Error? Rant story time!
I was working on a windows desktop app, and everything was ok, you know, tests completed succesfully, all in time, etc. The problem was when we showed the demo to one of our clients. He saw several screens and we explained all the features to him.
Client: *Sees a Error pop-up indicating that a remote service is temporarly unavailable (what it has to happen in order to show him how the system would warn him when an external service is out of service)
Client: What’s that?
Lead dev: What do you mean?
Client: Yes. That’s an error pop-up
Lead dev: Yes, it’s a message that tells you that there was an issue connecting to the bank service
C: No, no and no. Please change it
L: Why? Don’t you want the system to tell you when there is a connection issue and why is that happening?
C: Yes, but my employees could lost their minds because of this class of messages!
L: So...?
C: You have to change it
L: Ok. What do you want to change?
C: First of all, don’t put an “Error” icon, put an “Warning” icon, and instead of “Error” title, put... “Issue”
L: “Issue?”
C: Yeah. Don’t put the “E” word, if the users see an “Error” message, they could think that the program doesn’t work, even if it does work.
We all though “WTF?!”
To make the story shorter, we changed all the pop-ups. That took two days.
Is that correct? I know that “Error” sounds hard but, seriously? “Issue: The remote service is not available, contact your bank?”6 -
I am a weird dev. No urge to rant really, mostly internal frustrations if any.
Today I had my first meeting with the client and it went smoothly - I showcased demo in the current state, they approved, asked a bit more about the technology and that's pretty much it...
I know, I know... I'm just starting and it's gonna change but, idk why, I think I'm in a good work environment.1 -
Client to Company :This is a complex 1 month approx task. We need this feature
Company forgets to tell employee developer about this.
Meanwhile Client to Company after one month.
Client to Company: We are just 1 week away from the deadline, what's the status of the work in progress.
Company to client : It's going well, we will get back to you on the day of demo.
Company to employee developer: We have this complex task, you need to complete it in 1 week.
Developer mental status gets fucked with over burdened hectic work which has to be completed in a week having no idea of fuck up by the company which already had the information of the task one month ago but just forgot to tell the developer.2 -
(1st week Monday)
Went to a game programmer job interview, job description says most of unity related stuffs; create games in Unity, code in c#, work within Unity to build robust game systems etc.
Interviewer asked for my experience and portfolios, showed him. Then he asked me some questions about making interactable objects in a VR scene, then asked if I'm able to do a demo (on oculus rift) to prove him I can do it.
I don't have oculus rift, I'm allowed to go their office and use their rift for testing though.
Dateline = 2nd week Friday.
(2nd week Monday)
Showed him a demo scene in GearVR, he seems pretty satisfied.
He: I will get back to you next Monday. I'll wait for client's reply first.
Me: (smile and jokingly said) so...... If the client doesn't get back to you or doesn't want the project anymore, means I don't get the job?
He instantly replied: no (with a serious face)
Then said: You shouldn't reply with that "attitude", you should instead think of "is there any reason to hire you if client doesn't get back to me"
*backfired, but wtf?*
*insert meme here*
(Please comment, am I too rude? Or *unprofessional*, but it's just a joke ffs)
He also asked if I'm able to do it on rift since I made it on GearVR already.
I said yes, depends on the controller used.
(Any dev with common logic should understand it'll work too, with given SDK, even without, some hacks should do it, just a matter of time)
(He even told me he's a dev himself)
(Should I insert the meme here again?)
But he doesn't accept the answer. He wants me to give him a text (through WhatsApp), telling him *in a professional way* that I can do it.
*wtf*
*insert meme here*
(Last day of third week)
Needless to say, he didn't get back to me. Thought he promised he would.
Things to note:
Job description doesn't say anything about VR.
Spend a week of my time to do his demo without obligations.
Didn't get to ask much about his role and job scope either.
7 -
So I took up a website development project, and the customer sent me a clear requirements document (yay!). I make the website, show the demo and boom, suddenly the client wants COMPLETELY different things. Fml.1
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Haven't ranted in a while so here it goes.
Head of product took me (senior dev) to a high value client workshop/demo session and over the course of two days found the reason behind why the dev team has been pushed to the limit as of late and sales/product team has been making promises to clients without checking with dev leaders on reasonable delivery dates on massive new features.
I tried my best to manage expectations by differing talking about delivery dates by saying "lets discuss that with the team" rather than giving out dates right now. But as soon as the meeting ends he sends an email to the client confirming delivery dates on features that we have done no research on or even specialize in!
Please tell me this is not how well established businesses work or is that the new reality of things. In either case I wanna find a new job :/2 -
PM pushed me to finish all of my tasks last friday because he told me we have a demo with the client this week. He even asked me to OT.
It is already fucking thursday and I am still waiting. I haven't heard any updates from our PM.
I feel pissed because I did my task crudely due to "imaginary deadlines" imposed by this son of a bitch PM. I could have written a better code if I have this week as the deadline instead.1 -
As I already said on devrant, I'm a freelance web developer and I also often sell my services for teaching, loving that. Currently I'm teaching PHP with 30 students and it's going very well.
But yesterday, I received an offer for giving another course next month, this time on HTML and CSS, for a company I don't know yet. Almost every line of this email is wrong, outdated by 20 years, or just basically meaningless...
So I thought I could do my best to translate this as close as possible to the original, preserving the wrong formulations too, just for you devranters fellas.
"Hello,
I have an offer for a 2 days course for 5 people (level 1+ and/or 2), on HTML5 and CSS3. Below, the program :
1. XHTML AND CSS2 INTRODUCTION
Advantages and benefits of change
Understanding compatibility for different versions of browsers
HTML, XHTML, CSS edition tools : presentation of the different tools
The CSS language : different types of selectors : class of selector, identifier of selector, contextual selectors, grouped selectors
Blocks of text, boxes of text
The CSS1, CSSP, CSS2 properties
Relative and absolute measures units
2. LAYOUT TECHNIQUES
Full CSS, XHTML websites demo
Positioning with the position property, positioning with the float property
Columns creation
Layout for forms
Layout for data tables
Layout for menus
3. INTRODUCTION TO SVG (SCALABLE VECTOR GRAPHICS)
Role and importance of SVG
Using SVG on client side : basic shapes
SVG structure of document, tags examples
Using CSS styles with SVG
Different integration methods for SVG in a XHTML document
4. OPTIMISATION OF JAVASCRIPT CODE
Introduction to DOM and Javascript
Access to document objects : different access techniques, using this keyword, create elements dynamically
Positioning elements with the help of Javascript : positionning elements relatively to the mouse, move elements
Show/hide elements for creating hierarchical menus
Code optimisation techniques : using objects, objects litterals, loops optimisation
Can you please give me your availability ?"
Seriously...
CSS-fucking-1 ! Is it a course for dinosaurs ?
...And if only my rant was just about the program...
It's totally impossible to cover all these subjects in only 2 days with people of different levels and experience.
The guy exactly said to me : "don't worry about the program, it's an old text but they agreed to it anyway. They just want to learn HTML and CSS, some of them already know it but want to learn more, and the others are total beginers.".
And here is the meaning for the "(level 1+ and/or 2)" part in the email.
So... Surprizingly, I accepted the offer, but asked for at least a 3rd day. I'm waiting for their answer, but I'll do it anyway, adapting the course content to the actual students knowledge. I need the money, after all.
Wish me luck...
It's just sad that these formation companies are selling bullshit to clients that just want to learn something useful. It's too often like that, they sell shitty/useless programs and we have to catch up in real time with students that don't understand why they don't learn what was told to them.3 -
Client : you are hired as a developer.
Me : we need more developers as there's more work and less time.
Client : Ok, here's another dev
(Meanwhile me doing my work...)
ON THE DAY OF DEMO :
Me : Here's the demo.
Client: it's incomplete, where's more work?
Me: that's the part of 2nd dev you hired before
Client : I don't care, I fucking need a work!
Me inside: (Why the fuck would the first dev becomes a task/team manager just because is the first one to join the project! Arrrgh!!! Hire a fucking scrum master to manage your fucking tasks/team, am just a fucking dev! )6 -
My project manager one time called me while I was waiting in the bank. He told me that the latest changes in the project I was working on were not deployed to production and they were having a meeting to demo those changes to the client later that day.
I had my laptop with me but it wasn't charged. I asked the security guys if I could use the socket used to power up the cleaning/sweeping machines and they didn't mind.
So it was me sitting on the floor in the bank hall using a side socket to power up my laptop holding my cellphone so I can use the hotspot and get internet connection deploying yesterday's changes to a production server.
Eventually, the client didn't attend the meeting that day!4 -
TL;DR despite 0 year professional programming I am lead of a large travel booking web-app, this is new to me and my boss, who has repeatedly ignored my advice and moved me on before finishing work. Client is not happy, project is way overdue, and yet has just sent NEW FUCKING DESIGNS.
Recap
https://devrant.com/rants/480004/...
https://devrant.com/rants/431725/...
https://devrant.com/rants/872255/...
Client has sent some redesigns of core search functionality on a project that is overdue and over budget.
DO YOU ACTUALLY *WANT* THIS PROJECT TO FAIL?5 -
Client wants this "demo" LIVE by the end of the month... But still not got access to THEIR API yet!!! 😑1
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Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.
Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .
Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬7 -
I started a new job about a week ago in an R&D software house which is a completely different world from what I am used to.
I worked as a coder in small teams, sometimes with Agile but always sunk in multiple projects at once - requiring constant switching of sprint goals week to week.
Now, I am alone (first person in a "maybe-in-the-future" team), doing research and preparing a demo for the client. It's hella lot of responsibility yet I found it weirdly liberating - being on my own, in control of what I do.
It may change in the future when project will inevitebly grow, but for right now, a week in, I started smiling while coding and learning, which I apparently haven't done in years.2 -
Had to demo i18n working to client with 45m notice..
Google translate the whole page server side and pray CSS behaves. -
Hi all,
This might be a long post so bear with me. I work for a company and there was a project for a huge client. I'm junior in skill (been programming for about two years) but my job title doesn't reflect that. Anyways, I got the design about a month ago but I was on deadline for two other projects so I couldn't pick it up until last week Wed. Ironically, that's when the final design was delivered & told me it was due next week Wednesday. I built it as fast as I could. Finished mobile but for some reason, this last part for desktop just wasn't working out and it just so happens to be the most crucial part of the piece. (I was also sick the entire time and didn't sleep for the last two days nor did I eat). I was supposed to demo it yesterday but I still needed to make a few updates and the project coordinator took me off the project & gave it to a dev with more experience. This has never happened to me before. I'd go as far as to say this is my first big fuck up. I've always delivered on deadline and I'm taking this pretty hard. Has anyone been in similar situations? What do I do? Any advice?1 -
So my colleague sees an iPad on a desk that someone has left by accident. He puts in the wrong password a bunch of times to lock it for an hour as a joke and accidentally wipes it!! Turns out it was about to be used for end of sprint client demo 😂2
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I was asked to add full page takeover announcements to a website, even though there's a perfectly reasonable announcement system already in place.
I objected on religious grounds - doing that would undoubtedly get me sent to developer hell (also knows as COBOL).
But the client wasn't convinced so I made them a demo. I immediately got a message back saying "wow, that's a lot more annoying than I thought, please remove it".
Of course all of this was done in a separate branch, so this blasphemous code would never be in my master commit history.1 -
Product owner and scrum master prioritized a not important user story. We are just new to the assigned team without proper turn over, KT, vague user story(one sentence) and no time to prepare our local environments. Then after sprint 1 the client wants a demo by next month but the PO and SM had prioritized the wrong user story so now they are pressuring the developers on finishing fast the other correct important user story. They mismanaged it and now they say the development was slow thus blaming us?! WTF. We hit the deadline of the first user story with unpaid overtimes.
The other PO was always asking us on how to fast track the development lol.
I'll tell them all their faults in the next meeting. As usual we are just high paid corporate slaves with golden hand cuffs trying to escape the rat race.5 -
Demo for client goes bad when we encounter a bug adding a new entry into the back end. Entry shows up in the admin but not the front side.
<thoughtbubble> "I can't believe this, we just tested it! How can this be? How? How?" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps, the cache? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" </thoughtbubble>
Perhaps the front side is pointing to dev? Nope.
<thoughtbubble> "Oh shit... make something up quick. Make it sound good." </thoughtbubble>
Tells client we'll have to look into it. (real smooth)
Looked into it and it turns out the bug was actually a feature. Apparently when you assign an "end date" to a date in the past... by design, it won't show.
However, was it bad UI? That's a different argument.4 -
I'm a backend developer and one day my team lead asked me to make a architecture diagram of our system, which he had to put in a PPT and demo it to a client. I did it for 15-20 minutes. And I completely hated doing it. I went and said "I will not do it". He then just took it from me and did it.. which he is supposed to. Felt very Very good doing that!!1
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Our approach is to get a loose feel for what the client wants, lift some visuals from Theme Forest then spend the next few weeks persuading the client to use our crappy server rather than their preferred AWS solution. Then once the project is behind schedule we break the work down into disparate tasks each of which gets a single line brief from the PM (such as 'create admin' or 'do css'). These then get assigned to different devs with no consideration of their skillset. The PM is available for 10 mins every day to answer queries, the rest of the time our devs are expected to work autonomously. Meanwhile we'll tell the client that we're back on schedule and arrange a demo for an impossibly short deadline. We have the mantra ”dont worry about it” which the PM uses to quash any dev's concerns up until the day before the deadline at which point we'll swap some devs on to unrelated work whilst others concentrate on getting "just the pages the client wants to see looking right" (we have a policy of making it look like it works before it actually does.) Following the demo we will announce all the missing features we had forgotten about from the initial undocumented agreement and set the project aside whilst we service another client.2
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Anyone ever just get seriously discouraged about peoples view on how easy/difficult it is to code?
A client has requested that they want a system built so they can create surveys and send them to people via email all in one tool. Im not a good front end designer but I know how to develop it. So they hired a designer to send me screen mockups and I will develop them. Easy enough.
This is where the bullshit starts... The designer was supposed to send me the V1 designs last Friday so I could begin building. I told them that I could have a rough version of some pages (with placeholder text and whatnot) ready for the following Friday (tomorrow). However the designer didn't send me the designs until 5 minutes before we were all meeting yesterday. We were all going over the designs in the meeting and this is how the conversation went (roughly):
Client: Wow these designs are amazing, I cant wait to see what it looks like when it functions. Are we still going to have a demo version by Friday?
Me: Well seeing as I just got the designs today, Ill have to look them over and get back to you on a new timeline.
Designer: Yah sorry about the delay, designing can be tricky sometimes.
Client: No worries, I understand. However I want to stick to the same timeline and have the demo by Friday.
Me: Well as I said, Im only getting the designs now, this is the first time I'm seeing them so I'll have to look them over and re-evaluate.
Client: Yeah but the designs are done so it will be easy for you to code it by then. It's all right there in front of you. I need to run, excited for Friday! Bye!
Designer: Bye!
Me: ...........
-- I know its partially my fault for saying I could have a demo done by Friday assuming the designer would have it done on time but COME ON. I hate when people say something is easy when they have no idea what it entails or how to even do it.1 -
BPOS client sub contracts a website and wants a WordPress one. Creates a design based on a theme.
This particular theme has a demo page.
And when running it through pagespeed insights returns a score Of 29.
Pingdom score of grade D.
Halfway through "development" we get a complaint from BPOS that the site is returning a score of 49 and a Pingdom score of grade B.
Considering how bad the theme is and how optimized we got. I believe that this was a miracle.
The things we do to make a living. -
API team: "Hey they have a client demo on Monday! What about changing all of our object IDs from int to string on a Friday night without notifying our only subscribers?"1
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User feedback
Been working on an application for the three days then yesterday happened to present a demo to my target client base.
Me:I need you to go through the app and tell me your experience using it.
User: Great let me see it and comment on it.
Me:I wait patiently as he goes through the app asking for clarification on some activities .
User:I love it but I think would be nice if we improve on the following.
Me:Okay go ahead all ears.
User:How about on the share feature instead of sharing the apps link then one goes and downloads it and install,how about you simply share the APK and install it instant.
Me:Okay that's a good thought and later go on to explain to him why we share links as compared to sending the APK directly . -
Me - "Talks to client about his deliverable"
Him - So when can we show a demo?
Me - On thursday we could show a totally working deliverable.
Him - "Really on thursday? i was hoping to get it done for tomorrow"
My mind - *Dude. do you even know how much time does it takes to finish the latest changes you just asked me today? i mean probably we could get it done if you weren't so cheap at the proposal, you know, when I told you we would take longer if i dropped the price. And I could have a couple more devs working here so we could had the finish product a week ago, and still we are on time... so WTH dude *
Me - No, sorry I wouldn't dare to show you a half baked demo. But ill try my best to show you before that day.1 -
Couple of years ago, I made a nice app that i was proud of, and a friend's father was interested so i visited him on his office to demo the app. Everything went nice up untill his damn printer decided to stop working and the very old man asked me for help "politely" . I made the classical mistake and tried to help but i could'nt fix it . the client old man later said he would contact me soon but that never happened. I thought he didn't like the app but i asked my friend anyway. You know the rest , he liked the app but was worried because i was very young and lack skills!!
he's questioned my skills for not being able to fix the printer. -_-3 -
So glad i moved from a desktop PC to a laptop for development. I still have 2 workstations (one at home and one at work) with 3 screens, mechanical keyboard + mouse. But if i ever have to demo to a client/PM i just un-dock and take my laptop to them. Plus if the office is loud i just go to another room.1
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!rant
So this happened sometimes ago.
We ,primarily, makes accounting software with industry specific integrations of manufacturing,etc. A soon-to-be new client visited our office for a meeting and a quick demo.
He's not satisfied with his current software and wants to switch but keeps bragging about how his current software operates and it's easier for him.(Only because he's been using it for years.)
NC : We used to do like that. Blahblahblah.
My Boss : Well, I built this new office last year. I visited "Taj Mahal" just before that. It was so beautiful. But it doesn't mean I should build a "Taj Mahal" for my office because it's not practical. Same goes for this software.
The client has a great sense if humor. He burst into laughing after 5 secs of silence. Not a single word of his current "system" after that.
PS : My first post.2 -
Douchebag coworker. Asked me how my work trip went (big client demo) and asked if anything that I was "complaining and whining" about went poorly. Mind you I was bitching about having to clean up HIS SHIT because he completely dropped the ball on the project. I had to go in and finish or fix all of the things he didn't do or did super poorly. I literally just told him to fuck off and stopped talking to him.1
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I was attending a client demo meeting and all of a sudden a tone comes up from behind. And it's Clash of clans.
Coc kills boredom1 -
Today I read a great article on mutation tests, how to use and why they are important. It looks like a great thing, but...
I have never wrote any unit test in any of my jobs. Nobody in my workplace does that. And now it seems like 100% test coverage is not enough (I remind you, that I have 0%), they all should mutate to check if the quality of unit tests is high.
It seems that I'm left behind. I played with tests in my free time, but it seems the more you write them, the better you get at it, so I should be writing them in my job, where I code most of my time. Not only that, of course, I would also want to ensure that what I'm working on is bug-free.
Still, it will be impossible to introduce unit tests to my project, because they are novelty to the whole team and our deadlines are tight. The other thing is, we are supposed to write minimum viable product, as it is a demo for a client, and every line of code matters. Some might say that we are delusional that after we finish demo we will make things the right way.
Did any one of you have a situation like this? How did you change your boss and team's mind?8 -
Clients are total assholes, we all know it, just sharing my another depressed instance.
> be me, freelancing.
> client sends in an image of a webpage
> le me gently ask "What is the functionality here since this has a form?"
> Client explains
> OK let's do this because I have other stuff to do as well.
> Sends in demo
> Client: "Numerous typos, send again"
> Okay, sends again.
> Client Rages: "This still has typos. I thought you were a good developer. You look like a has-been.
I promptly quit the project and tried to explain to him the difference between a "demo" and a finished project. He was supposed to check the functionality of the fucking form, which he didn't.
Got a call to finish the project, him explaining nobody is working for him for given budget, he can't afford anybody in this town (literally), and I am not going back.3 -
[me, struggling to make a decent demo while errors are popping out and the client gives his feedback]
- Dude, dude ... dude
- What ?!!
- You keep saying "downland" instead of download -
Failed to make a decent demo for client because spaghetti code. I want to work on the project to sort out codebase to avoid same thing happening again, boss wont hear it and switches me to another project of which I have little knowledge of the stack when we have another guy who has experience in it.
My main project (the one I want to sort out) is so big it should have 4 people full time on it, but it has me and one part time outsourced contractor. I was hired as a meteor dev and he makes me work on an angular project like its totally easy to switch from meteor to node+angular+Jade.
I am a junior dev, boss has no idea how to project manage and ignores advice I give him.
This is going to be hell when we miss deadlines and have to explain to the client why their product has so many bugs.2 -
Well....this shit again
This morning or technical manager calls me in his office and says he needs to discus something
sits me down and started talking about a project he needs
A school management system says he presented some demos at the client yesterday but they didn't really like options at the table
Manager: So can you get us something really quick?
Me: Well... what's the time line?
Manager: They needed this like yesterday!
Me: Aaaah....well i think i can have something by 2moro morning
Manager: Aaah! No!.... 2moro it's too late need something like fast
Me: Ok so will look for some online solutions and open source projects
Me:.....
Opens browser, opens github, download project, runs project
project isnt looking good enough
starts designing UI
Manager:
downloads a system
installes
runs
closes
reopens
meet with a "Buy to continue using system" message
calls me
Manager: this was just a demo now it needs payment what should we do
Me: I'll come up with something by 2moro1 -
Just had a major breakthrough on a project for work today! The project has been going slowly the last couple months and the client actually sent a slightly concerned status request this morning, so being able to invite them to preview a fully working demo and let them know we’re starting to conduct QA testing tomorrow is quite a relief.1
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Sigh Im getting depressed from going to work whilst a few weeks ago it gave me a bunch of happines.
I think its due that management is approaching a triple deadline (?!?!?!) project in an agile/scrum way (?!?!??!)..
We can not change our data model completely when we have to be in acceptance in 3 weeks and do a demo in a few days..
Yes we can work around that but fuck database design theory and lets ignore all primary keys and foreign keys, great idea
We have to create and prioritise user stories on our own? We have two product owners and a scrum master.
Scrum master offers to deal with organising and creating tickets to organise Infrastructure without having a laptop of the client, so no Service Now access or any other system..
Guess who has to do it in the end..
Many question marks about this project -
I had to do a project for my A-levels.
The task was to get a client and develop and application based on their requirements. Naturally I made my friends my clients so that I could make something I was interested in.
The teacher constantly changed my requirements during the start, because he liked everyones applications to be somewhat similar (Probably easier to mark), which demotivated me.
The timescale we were set around easter time was to have a demo by the end of summer which didn't need to work properly, and then a completed version after the Christmas holidays.
I wrote about 90% of the program over my 2 weeks off for Christmas, most of that while drunk, high, or both, and managed to complete it within them two weeks.
I went back to the code a couple months later, with no memory of writing it, to set up a demo to show my teacher and I was actually surprised at it. It was the first project of that type that I had worked on, and while there were a couple noticable bugs, it actually worked fairly well, and was really well documented. I was expecting a pile of buggy spaghetti.1 -
Client demo today..
Did lots of configuration stuff in this sprint and when talking through it I confuse even myself.. so many things that were done for one specific goal..
They will be confused during the whole demo, only in the last 2 min it will start to make any sense - when all the pieces come together.
It’ll be fun..4 -
Atm we're merging everything straight up to production because we only have our first client going live tomorrow. No problem except for the fact boss is using production to give demos to clients already. And so some JavaScript change that broke search made it to production and cropped up during a demo. So what does boss do? Call HR/support and yell at her that everything which works needs to keep working. Which is fair if we were live and we go back to merging to production being rare. So HR/support was in tears during our meeting where we were taking about the new live branch structure. GG boss. We consoled HR/support but really boss man knew how we work but ignored it.
Question for everyone though: what can we use or do to prevent changes to more general JavaScript breaking things around the code? We talked about unit tests and maybe code linters but is there more? Because it seems now might be the time to improve our working and even get budgets for tools.1 -
It finally happened. They just kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing. Asking for more and more features in an app that was a hard-coded demo from the beginning. Well it's all coming down now.
That database that was added in, missing half the API.
New features, broken.
Old features, broken.
Buttons, missing.
Drivers, need updating.
Yee, haw.
I tried to tell them, I really did. That maybe we should stop asking the client what they want, and instead sell them what we have. Well, now we have nothing.3 -
Me to my team: demo to the client is postponed, we'll show it the day after tomorrow.
Them: nice, then we can put in production also the new feature xyz.
Me: mmm... Is it tested and everything ok? Then yes, let's deploy it.
Bad decision. Now everything is not working. Rollback needed!2 -
So we have a demo tomorrow and it looks like i’m going to have to do it all on my own. Thats a first. I can already get a client frustrated whenever they are on the phone.2
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Selling a solution to a high-value client, promise them they'll get a Proof-of-Concept by Monday 10 am. You close yourself off your family the entire weekend as things weren't as simple as you thought. Present the demo to the client the Tuesday morning...1
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Hate it when clients told you a specific requirement but then changes it the last minutes. You can't justify or argue. Can't do nothing about it but only follow. Just a high paid slave.
Example:
Client-verbal: background color of all 5 pages
Me-with email verification: ok. I will bg color of all pages will be red based from our last meeting.
Client email reply: ok
After a few days
Client: I think we have misunderstanding. What I meant was 4 pages red only. The 5th page should be maroon.
Me in my mind: wtf. Of course I can't argue but just agree and follow. The demo is near and he'll just inform the last minute. I will not win this argument.
Also, there are no acceptance criterias in the user story.6 -
I'm working on a pretty big dataviz project. There was supposed to be a deadline at the end of the month for a first full demo.
This morning I wake up to an email from the client saying the deadline moved to next Monday and they just "forgot to tell me before".
Also, the dev from the client's company who is supposed to prepare the data/API to be used for the project said he'll be able to send something at the end of the week.
They're clearly not going to get what they want for Monday...2 -
I don't often have reasons to rant, but today is the one.
We had a deadline to finish a project, because today people are being trained on it. I've been working my ass off on it for a year now.
I "finished" about 2 weeks ago, meaning QA could start for real 2 weeks ago. As you can imagine for a project this long, there was bugs. Lots of them.
We did our best to fix most of them, or find work-arounds we could use during the demo.
Let's just say it isn't going great so far. We have several known bugs, which at some point may crash the app, a very low confidence in the fact that it's going to work well.
Oh and obviously the client is one who already use heavily the solution. Today we figured we never tested on a device with 0% disk space. Files are cut partway because of that, and obviously things crash.
I have a feeling there will be yelling sometime soon.
Right now I'm enjoying the calm before the storm, with coffee in hand.
Why do people still continue to promise dates to clients, after me telling them for 5 years not to do that?
We are a 2 devs team, with 11 apps on 2 platforms, 2 back-ends (one is legacy) and obviously our marketing site, which doubles up as e-commerce. We just can't promise anything, because any emergency reduce our development bandwith for new features either to 50% or 0%. There are so much known bugs it's not funny anymore, and we don't even have time to solve those.
To add insult to injury, at the beginning of the month, the SaaS provider for our legacy back-end (which have not been maintained for 2 years now) decided we had to update to PHP7.1 before 1st October. If we don't do anything, on monday this thing is broken. I hate that thing, and I hate having to maintain it even though I was promised I wouldn't have to ever have anything to do on it.
Monday will be "fun"...2 -
Last Friday, owner goes to client location to take part in a demo. Dev supervisor is gone for the day for daughter's graduation so they leave me in charge of application (which I wrote anyways) and in charge of embedded software developer. The 2 of us work hard to make sure all parts work flawlessy. Demo goes great and owner is very happy because company looked great in front of client.
Owner calls dev supervisor, again who was on vacation for entire demo, and congratulates him for a job well done.
WTF??? -
So, apparently my client was about to demo the web app that I've just built to many potential users. The audience/users however is an top notch CEO's, and management from various companies.
Oh god, I hate working with them. They just so lousy and perhaps ocd or smtg idk. They literally changed the concept in the middle of development, and event CHANGE THE NAME of the company days before the demo. God, I hate it.
Should I update the repo with dickbutt pics and deployed it asap? I've prepared the branch btw. Its just a matter of click now lol -
!rant, but satisfying.
Got pulled in to a demo for some work that I had been apart of previously, but not recently since I had rolled on to a client. The Manager in charge of the work had fought me being pulled on to said client, as he wanted me committed to this project (which I didn't want to be invovled with). I had rolled off the engagement earlier this week, which is why I suspect I was included in this demo. So we are going through the motions, they are asking questions, I'm sitting quietly watching. out of the blue, Manager dude decides he wants to ask me a difficult question, because I'm sure he assumes he will stump me. I respond with "Not sure I'm the best to answer that specific question, since I haven't worked on this in a minute". He confirms that he only wants me to answer. So I do. And boy was I glad his camera was on, because he went from "Got em" to "Fuck, he got me" in a matter of seconds, and I could barely keep from smiling. After my answer, I respond with "Anything else you'd like to know?" to which he mutters "No, thank you" and quickly moves on. Talk about a victory. I'll ride this high through next week, I think.
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