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Non dev co-workers: Dude add us on Facebook.
Me: I don't have Facebook.
Non dev co-workers: Instagram?
Me: I don't use Instagram.
Non dev co-workers: Oook, what about Twitter?
Me: I deactivated my account permanently long ago.
Non dev co-workers: Huh? So what the heck are you always looking at on your phone laughing and stuff?
Me: devRant!
Non dev co-workers: Huh?
Me: DEVRANT!! (*shows them devRant*)
Non dev co-workers: What the heck is that?
One of the co-workers: guys, he's a hacker.
Me: *face palm*5 -
!Rant
The biggest face palm moment in my life..
A girl in my class came up with an app idea. She wanted to make an app using which we can transfer our battery charge using Bluetooth. We initially thought it was a joke, then she went out to defend herself saying "if we can transfer files why not charge? If you're in an emergency and your battery almost drains out, wouldn't you feel nice if your friend could quickly transfer you 30% charge?"
Liked it, then give me a ++ via Bluetooth...
😂😂😂20 -
im a programmer.
Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?
Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....
Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.17 -
Another incident which made a Security Researcher cry 😭😭😭
[ NOTE : Check my profile for older incident ]
-----------------------------------------------------------
I was invited by a fellow friend to a newly built Cyber Security firm , I didn't asked for any work issues as it was my friend who asked me to go there . Let's call it X for now . It was a good day , overcast weather , cloudy sky , everything was nice before I entered the company . And the conversation is as follows :
Fella - Hey! Nice to see you with us .
Me - Thanks! Where to? *Asking for my work area*
Fella - Right behind me .
Me - Good thing :)
Fella - So , the set-up is good to go I suppose .
Me - Yeah :)
*I'm in my cabin and what I can see is a Windows VM inside Ubuntu 12.4*
*Fast forward to 1 hour and now I'm at the cafeteria with the Fella*
Fella - Hey! Sup? How was the day?
Me - Fine *in a bit confused voice*
Fella - What happened mate , you good with the work?
Me - Yeah but why you've got Windows inside Ubuntu , I mean what's the use of Ubuntu when I have to work on Windows?
Fella - Do you know Linux is safe from Malwares?
Me - Yeah
Fella - That's why we are using Windows on VM inside Linux .
Me - For what?
Fella - To keep Windows safe from Malwares as in our company , we can't afford any data loss!
Me - 😵 *A big face palm which went through my head and hit another guy , made me a bit unconscious*
I ran for my life as soon as possible , in future I'm never gonna work for anyone before asking their preferences .7 -
if (someCondition) {
doSomething();
} else {
// THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN
}
Saw this in our repo the other day, face palmed so hard that my face is now a palm.6 -
*creates table in database*
*writes query to retrieve data*
*gets error and Google's problem for 2 hours but no luck*
*in frustration, takes a half hour break*
*checks database for set up issues*
*realizes that the database is the wrong fucking database*
*face palm & quits fucking life*
I make dumb fucking mistakes like this way too much5 -
This just in everyone...
Android Dev: *sent and email to network admin* can you please unblock github for a few mins.
Network admin: *Replied* Can you take a screenshot whats the error your getting.
Android Dev: *Replied with screenshot* "Failed to load resource: the server responded with a status of 503 (Service Unavailable)"
Network admin: that is a known issue. *Replied with Wordpress Links.
Android Dev: why is github working outside our network then?
Network admin: there must be a problem with your code that needs to be tweaked.
Team: *FACE PALM*5 -
Once upon a time as a developer for Palm handhelds I wrote an application in C which had to print via a Bluetooth printer.
When connected by wire everything was perfect, switching to BT it kept crashing for weeks without me finding the source of the problem.
Then came the day of my companies summer party. I've been the last guy to sit in front of the PC, investigating my problem, when at about 9 PM my boss came and told me, I should grab something to eat. So I went down, drank three beer and got back to work.
At about 9:45 PM the damn wrong * was replaced by the correct & and everything was fine.
PointerIssuesSolvedByBeer++; -
Interviewer: What is your strength and weakness in terms of technology?
Me: My strength is Java and my weakness is Java Script.
Interviewer: Hmm Ok... then let me ask you questions only related to JS.
Me : (face palm) 😳4 -
PM - We are going to launch registration of users in mobile phone. We are going to use blah internal framework as with it we will have same experience in mobile and desktop will be same.
Me - Shouldn't the experience be different on desktop its easy. On mobile following that many steps may seem complicated to the user.
PM - No but the experience should remain same.
Me - face palm(sees the overly complicated framework just for building 4 pages spends time finds bug in the framework fixes them and takes four months of frustration but launches it)
PM - We feel like ideally mobile and desktop should have different experience. This allows us to register faster on mobile. As we have already aligned with the blah framework team and think best path is to build it from scratch.
Me -
3 -
ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~3 -
I kid you not, one of my designer friends dipped his toes into coding, he ran into a problem...
Wondered why the following function wasn't returning a random number...
public Int getRandomNumber(){
return 4;
}
#facePalm #stickToDesigning7 -
Noob: "Hey guyz! Im now a hacker! Look at this cool script"
Legit programmer: "oh wow! How does it work?"
Noob: "I have no idea. I found it on the internet "
LP: .........1 -
That is peak security:
- Require timebased OTP for login
- Also require recaptcha for login
- Select the frickin bus, palm tree and cross walk 93 times
- Finally manage to please the algorithm
- The 30 second validity window of TOTP expired
*GAAH!*18 -
New iPhone user: Where do I download WhatsApp on this phone?
Me: From the AppStore.
New iPhone user: I have to go a "store" to download apps?
Me: No, the AppStore is an app on your phone to download apps to your phone.
New iPhone user: Where is it?
Me: By default, it's on your main home screen.
New iPhone user: But I'm not at home.
Me: *face palm*1 -
Wordpress :(
Here is another piece of garbage from a previous Wordpress "developer".
This is NOT the generated HTML, it's the actual source code within a custom category template.
The client has said their archives stopped working this year.
*** MASSIVE FACE PALM ***
14 -
First year at uni, during c++ basis.
The professor has just finished explaining the while cycle.
Professor: We want the code to print all numbers from 0 to 40 using a counter. How would you do?
Classmate puts up his hand: we do 40 if statements and when we reach the 40th one we stop.
Professor: *face palm*9 -
Back in the day, I joined a little agency in Cape Town, small team small office with big projects, projects they weren’t really supposed to take on but hey when the owner of a tech business is not a tech person they do weird things.
A month had passed and it was all good, then came a project from Europe, Poland to be specific. The manager introduced me to the project, it was a big brand - a segment of Lego, built on Umbraco (they should change the name to slowbraco or uhmmm..braco somewhere there) the manager was like so this one is gonna be quite a challenge and I remember you said you are keen on that, I was like hell yeah bring it on (genuinely I got excited) now the challenge was not even about complexity of the problem or code or algorithms etc you get my point… the challenge was that the fucking site was in polish - face palm 1 - so I am like okay code is code, its just content, and I already speak/familiar with 13 human languages so I can’t fail here ill get around it somehow. So I spin up IIS, do the things and boom dev environment is ready for some kick ass McCoding. I start to run through the project to dig into the previous dev’s soul. I could not relate, I could not understand. I could not read, I could not, I could not. - face palm 2 - This dude straight up coded this project in polish variable names in polish, class names in polish, comments in freaking polish. Look, I have no beef with the initial guy, its his language so why not right? sure. But not hey this is my life and now I should learn polish, so screw it, new tab - google translate, new notes, I create a dictionary of variables and class etc 3 days go by and I am fucking polish bro. Come at me. I get to read the previous devs soul through his comments, what a cool dude, his code wasn’t shit either - huge relief. So I rock on and make the required changes and further functionality. The project manager is like really, you did it? I am like yeah dude, there it is. Then I realise I wasn’t the first on this, this dude done tried others and it didn’t go down well, they refused. - face palm 3 -
Anyway, now I am a rock star in the office, and to project managers this win means okay throw him in the deep - they move me to huge project that is already late of course and apparently since I am able to use google translate, I can now defeat time, let the travelling begin. - face palm 4 - I start on the project and they love me on it as they can see major progress however poland was knocking on the door again, they need a whole chunk of work done. I can’t leave the bigger project, so it was decided that the new guy on Monday will start his polish lessons - he has no idea, probably excited to start a new job, meanwhile a shit storm is being prepared for him.
Monday comes, hello x - meet the team, team meets x
Manager - please join our meeting.
I join the meeting, the manager tells me to assist the new dev to get set up.
Me: Sure, did you tell him about he site?
Manager: Yes, I told him you knocked it out the park and now we just need to keep going
Me: in my head (hmm… that’s not what I was asking but cool I guess he will see soon enough -internal face palm 5 - ) New dev is setup, he looks at the project, I am ask him if he is good after like an hour he is like yeah all good. But his face is pink so I figured, no brother man is not okay. But I let him be and give him space.
Lunch time comes, he heads out for lunch. 1hr 15mins later, project manager is like, is the new dude still at lunch.
We are all like yeah probably. 2hrs pass 3hrs pass Now we are like okay maybe something happened to him, hit by a car? Emergency? Something… So I am legit worried now, I ask the manager to maybe give him a ring. Manager tries to call. NOTHING, no response. nada.
Next day, 8am, 9am, 10am no sign of the dude. I go to the manager, ask him what’s up. Manager: he is okay. However he said he is not coming back.7 -
I was actually successful in one that I literally got from the American version of The Office.
I conditioned one of my employees to want chewing gum after I did a clap motion with my hands: snap the fingers on both hands really quick and do a fist to palm tap and say "hey bud, want gum?" and because I specifically bought his favorite he would always say yes.
Eventually, and after months of doing it, I was walking around the office when I did the motion, but this time without gum. Now, he was on the fifth levek of the virtual world doing his shit fully concentrated and he STILL looked up at me looking anxious. I said "what's up?" and he just said nothing, that he felt that he was missing something but couldn't put the finger on it.
Just like in the show, he then complained that his mouth felt funny. Eventually he waddled his way to my office to ask for gum 🤣🤣🤣🤣
tl;dr I successfully Pavlov'ed one of my employees to have a need of chewing gum every time I do a finger snap clap motion.
I am the best manager in the world.7 -
Ok, so when I inherit a Wordpress site I've really stopped expecting anything sane. Examples: evidence that the Wordpress "developer" (that term is used in the loosest sense possible) has thought about his/her code or even evidence that they're not complete idiots who wish to make my life hell going forwards.
Have a look at the screen shot below - this is from the theme footer, so loaded on every page. The screenshot only shows a small part of the file. IT LITERALLY HAS 3696 lines.
Firstly, lets excuse the frankly eye watering if statement to check for the post ID. That made me face palm myself immediately.
The insanity comes for the thousands of lines of JQuery code, duplicated to hell and back that changes the color of various dividers - that are scattered throughout the site.
To make things thousands of times worse, they are ALL HANDED CODED.
Even if JavaScript was the only way I could format these particular elements I certainly wouldn't duplicate the same code for every element. After copy and pasting that JQuery a couple of times and normal developer would think one word, pretty quickly - repetition.
When a good developer notes repetition ways to abstract crap away is the first thought that comes to mind.
Hell, when I was first learning to code god knows how long ago I always used functions to avoid repetition.
In this case, with a few seconds though this "developer" could have created a single JQuery handler and use data attributes within the HTML. Hell, as bad as that is, it's better than the monstrosity I'm looking at now.
I'm aware Wordpress is associated with bad developers due to it's low barrier to entry, but this site is something else.
The scary thing is that I know the agency that produced this. They are very large, use Wordpress exclusively and have some stupidly huge clients that would be know nationally.
Wordpress truly does attract some of the most awful "developers" and deserves it's reputation.
If you're a good developer and use Wordpress I feel sorry for you, as you're in small numbers from my experience.
Rant over, have vented a bit and feel better. Thanks Devrant.
6 -
Okay, so I'm in rage mode right now :/
Last week a client of mine absolutely insisted on removing the "irritating delete popups" as they phrased it, against my advice.
In short, when deleting a record, I had a sexy "swal" confirmation appear (see https://limonte.github.io/sweetaler...) with some key data from the record, that prompted the user to confirm the action.
The client has now emailed me with the subject "URGENT, please read ASAP!!!". The email says his staff has deleted lots of records incorrectly.
*** face palm ***.
This is EXACTLY why we include delete confirmation prompts.
As I've used Laravel with soft deletes (luckily for my client) it shouldn't be a huge issue to reverse around 400 deleted records. However, I'm charging my client for half a days work out of principal.
Perfect example of my client not listening to me :(
5 -
Follow up to my (ignorant) previous rant.
Context: Eclipse vs intelliJ
Situation: Was too comfortable with eclipse. knew shortcuts in the back of my palm. Loved the light theme. Argued with anyone who blindly believed IntelliJ is better than eclipse.
Action: Forced myself to try IntelliJ. Stepped out of my comfort zone. Got a one day code block. Changed to darcula. My eyes struggled to read. My fingers typed usual eclipse shortcuts to discover unknown windows.
Verdict: after two days of learning and not giving up. I have started loving IntelliJ and I know why.
Moral: change is good. Get out of your comfort zone ;)15 -
Recent boot camp grad here with a solid portfolio...holy crap...this industry is so illogical...got a call from a recruiter whose job needs 3 years experience. I demonstrated I know every single one of the requirements, have implemented them, know pros and cons, etc. She says OK I'll run it by my manager and see because we can't fill the spot and it requires 3 years but you meet all the qualifications. I get an email the next day, and she says sorry, we actually need 5 years...fucking face palm...I'll apply again in 5 years because that job will still be open. Really sucks that the only thing holding me back from landing a job is experience, not knowledge. No employer wants to touch me with a 10 foot pole...how long will it take be to find a job...jesus christ.12
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[Disclaimer: This doesn't have too much to do on programming or dev stuff]
Earlier today I went to the library (the physical place) and just decided to sit down with some books on computer stuff, at some point I went into the "Education" section to see if they had like how to stuff on programming or whatever, and I found a palm sized rock that was painted white on one side with a dragon hidden behind a book. It said on the back "Post on FB. Keep or rehide"...
So I got my phone out and opened FaceBook, and the first post that showed said "I just hid a bunch of rocks at the Library and [The name of a park nearby]".
I posted some pictures of the rock and mentioned the friend on mine that hid it, and went to another section to hide it again.
I found a second one that said "Be yourself" and the same "Post on FB, keep or rehide" message, one with a Monster on it and at the park there was a mouse eating a piece of cheese.
The mouse one I kept for myself. :D1 -
Little brother: "Since you're an SE I have a really important question that requires your skills.
Me: Okay what's up? (getting excited for potential project)
Little brother: Can you hack my ex girlfriends Facebook?
Me: *face palm* -
Let me just get right down to it.
FUCK YOU Hewlett-fucking-Packard FOR YOUR SHITTY LAPTOPS! Don't you even keep your customer's needs in mind when you design these things? Besides all the bloatware you stuff into the Windows you ship it with, at least make the quality of your shit better. These flimsy screens and loose hinges, I've had to get that shit replaced multiple times in just the past year.
Want to upgrade to an SSD or plug in more RAM? Guess what! I've to tear the whole thing apart! Keyboard, palm rest, all if it! What even happened to just popping a cover at the bottom to swap out the hard drive!? I have to fucking congratulate you, you fucking cunts, for making an easy process as difficult as it can fuckin possibly get. You guys deserve an award for this, preferably presented to you, shoved up your asses.10 -
This is just one I had with my cousin who came for a visit.
Cousin: Yo bro, I want you to hack my girlfriend's Facebook?
Me: Lol, and why is that?
Cousin: I think she's cheating on me with this guy. I've seen her replying to him on fb messenger.
Me: Lol, ask her about it then if that's what you think.
Cousin: She won't talk bro. That's why I want you to hack her Facebook or even her phone so I can see who she's talking to.
Me: I can't bro.
Cousin: So you're not going to help me?
Me: Not that bro. I can't hack Facebook. I don't know how to do that stuff.
Cousin: But you have Bachelor's in CS and I've seen you writing those stuff on your computer....uhm, the code thing.
Me: Yeah, but those were school and personal programming projects. Not hacking stuff.. they're not the same.
Cousin: Oh man, what about her phone?
Me: Nope, can't do that either.
Cousin: But I've seen you hacking your Android phone... (*He saw me root my phone*)
Me: *face palm*3 -
User: "My computer is broken!"
Me: "What seems to be the problem?"
User: "I can't go to any websites."
Me: "It appears our connection to the internet is down."
User: "No it's not, look" *points to Wi-Fi status*
Me:
3 -
My company sends out this Culture Assessment survey so employees "voices can be heard".
"Completely confidential."
I keep reading the email:
"Please *do not* forward this email to other individuals. The survey link is unique to your Business Group, project, and certain demographics, and therefore should be completed with only your responses."
....*face palm*2 -
When you see a "one word" commit messages and some are identical.
For God so loved the world! **face palm**
5 -
Starting to develop a phobia of asking for help from senior devs since I can now sense their face-palm whenever I open my mouth.
Maybe I'm not ready to work as a junior dev yet...9 -
Freelancer/coworker: "Why don't you just use source tree instead of git in the command line?"... me: *face palm*3
-
"Yesterday "
Client: ''Perfect! How did you do this do quickly? "
Me: "I used a library"
"Today "
Me: "I'm still debugging. It will take some time"
Client: "well, It has already taking too long.... I can hear Mozart in the background. Maybe you need to go to a library to get some quite and get it done fast. Visit the one you used yesterday. "
Me: "library?Ahh... I meant plug in like.... Code, a library is a bunch of packed code. "4 -
Reinstalling my linux partition and... Oh whoops.. ... ...
That was the windows partition.. ...
*face palm*
Well I guess that's gone forever now...
I should have learned by now that I don't multitask well... Note to self: Don't talk on the phone and re inst... Scratch that... Note to self: Do one damn thing at a time dummy..9 -
A few weeks ago, I was kept up until the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out how in the hell the Monty Hall problem works. After finally getting it (I'm slow, okay?), I decided to write a program to run simulations of it.
First incarnation of program took user input. User enters what door they choose (1, 2, or 3), then is told what door Monty opens, then given the decision of staying with the door they originally chose or switching, then informed how that worked out for them.
Second incarnation of program ran on a loop. At the start of each loop, a random door is picked for the user guess. Then the door Monty opens is calculated from the remaining doors (excludes user guess and prize door). Then user switches doors (choosing the door that was not their original door or the door Monty opened). At the end of each loop, if the door they switched to was the prize door, it would increment a win counter, else increment a loss counter. After running the loop 1000000000 times, it printed to console `You always switched doors, resulting in ${wins} wins and ${losses} losses`.
THEN I decided to write a variation to run a while loop on the outside of the loop to increase the number of total doors until the point where the decision to switch doors hurt more often than it helped. At this point, I decided to incorporate file I/O and write to a file rather than a console. And that was neat!
And then I decided it would be cool to go back to the three door variation, printing on each loop the original door, the door Monty opened, the door that was switched too, the result of the switch (win or lose) and what the prize door was.
But for the life of me, I couldn't seem to get the file to write properly. It would, like, always crash my terminal. I tried open + append, I tried append. I tried createWriteStream. Still just failure.
And then I changed it to an appendFileSync and happened to look at one of the files that I was writing to. "Huh, over a gig seems a lot."
"Well, how much are you writing each loop? Did you forget to keep in mind how many bytes that would be?"
TLDR: If you're going to write a program that's going to write data to a file on a loop, you might want to figure out how much it's going to end up writing .... before trying to run it. And running a loop 1000000000 times may be a little excessive.
*face palm*
2 -
Sometimes I don't know if my co-worker is that stupid or...
Well, he came to me with an strange problem with mongoose.
I looked at the error message. And guess what the database was not reachable. Asked him, did you check the mongo db service. No. Of course the service was not running. Told him to restart it. Then he restarted robo t not the service itself. Major face palm. He then asked me if I knew why his service was not running. Do I look like some kind of wizard? Told him to check the logs. Long story short, his drive ran out of space....2 -
Creates PHP scripts for development SQL server, pushes to production to find out the schemas are different. *face palm*1
-
*face palm*
My boss just IM'd me. She asked me the status of a work item. I told her my teammate completed it on 2/27. She wanted to know if it was in production. I said I was unsure, she would have to ask my teammate. So of course, she asked *me* to ask my teammate, and then get back to her.....WHY do I need to ask my coworkers stuff for her? She is the BOSS, last time I checked?2 -
I started off in a MNC company as a junior developer. I entered with candy glasses.
I didn't expect to win the lottery. Of getting abuse by superior.
I stayed for a year, at the project. Constantly being belittled by this team lead. It was awful i enter as a fresh grad. All the new tech were so new and scary at that point.
During my time there, i constantly think that developer is not my stuff.
Ultimately i reach the state of burnout. I reached out to the manager and broke down in his office.
I actually told the manager. "I hate coding"
I remember staying up to 4am just complete a piece of program. To be ready to be push to production the next day. My team lead just come screaming at me saying there is bug.
Upon receiving that message via skype. I broke, tears flow down my eyes.
After which i reach a state of burn out. I start to reach out to external parties for help to get me out of there.
Now i am recovered from the burn out. I am curious of the technology that were utilized in that project. I literally face palm. After understanding the technology it isn't so hard after all. I just didn't gear myself up with the tech.
I still do enjoy working on code.3 -
Question for vim veterans:
I am fairly confident with vim. I know a couple of commands like delete line, delete under cursor, copy, paste, undo and stuff like that.
So in command mode it's hjkl to move the cursor, which is a good idea because I won't have to move my right palm to the arrow keys.
However, in insert mode, if I needed to move the cursor, I would still have to move my left palm to the esc key in order to use hjkl. Why not just use the arrow keys then?8 -
I am here on devRant now for a while. Althought, reading amy of your stories and taking care of websites is not what I usualy tend to do, I started doing it as a favour for a friend of a friend.
Baaad bad decission :-(
"pls, dis is urgnt! uplood dis pics asap on page"
*mail notification*
*face palm 1* because who sends pictures by mail these days ... I like my 50MiB Inbox, dont spam it with garbage!
*opening mail - lists attachments: 1 file, ~900KiB* ok whats happening now?
*facepalm 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9* (10 if there still would be a face to palm on)
the person seriously send me the pictures in an attachment, within a pdf document that was created with MS Word.
No - Just NO!
I should have known better ... sooo much better :(6 -
Just solved a bug that was plaguing me for a week straight. Turns out I re-instantiated an Arraylist after adding all the elements to it. For no apparent reason. Face fucking palm1
-
I have this friend of mine, he was a former course mate and we can call him J.
J called a week ago saying he wanted to come stay with me for a few days and I said no problem buddy come home I'm always around.
When he came around he sounded quite different than the J I used to know. The first thing he said when I opened the door for him was "Do you know God?" and I was like "Hunh... Is that the latest javascript framework?". With my reply I was expecting laughter as a response but seems like buddy is serious.
J: Are you ashamed of him?
Me: What's up man? Jesus ain't coming anytime soon *still joking*.
J: Yes, he is. And we...
Me: Okay. Cut the crap man.
That night was quite long as we argued religious stuff front, back and center. I asked him why he became so religious but his response wasn't really clear. What I could sense from the discussion was "he's in it for the money" because while we were arguing he mentioned that God spoke to him that he would own a Mercedes Benz this year, so for that he created a WhatsApp group luring people to join to receive gospel messages and in turn ask them to sow seeds and make offerings all in the name of God. I was both pissed and perplexed by such an act of selfishness. Why don't you just get a real job, I asked J, and he said the jobs he could find doesn't match his taste :/
The religious argument continued to day 3 and I wasn't feeling it because it has affected my work as I couldn't even concentrate on most task that was supposed to be completed that week. I called him the next day and told him he shouldn't come to my place if he won't boycott the religious arguments we normally have at night because those are my working hours and the arguments wasn't helping matters. I ended the call when I got no response.
Throughout the rest of that day I felt guilt for what I had said to him, maybe there would have been a better way of putting out my reasons to him or atleast allow him arrive home before telling him what I just told him. I felt really bad that night, so the next day I tried to reach so he could come around when he's available but his line wasn't going through.
Few hours later I got a call from another friend we can call E.
--- E: Hey, have you seen J lately.
Me: Yes, he has been with me for few days now.
--- E: Is he there now.
-- Me: No he's not.
--- E: I need to let you know what's up. J isn't feeling okay. He has been with me for quite a while but recently this year he started acting strange. I think he has some mental issues.
-- Me: Mental what?
--- E: Yes. One time he pulled of his shirt running towards the street. I asked him where he was going and he said "they're calling me... they're calling me".
-- Me: That must be serious, I never paid attention I just noticed he was acting too religious.
--- E: Yes man. It took some time before I myself realised what was going on.
--- Me: So what do we do?
--- E: I've spoken to his brother and we also informed the police he was missing, I never knew he was with you.
--- Me: I'll try reaching out if I find him I'll get in touch.
--- E: Okay.
Hanging up the phone, I have never felt so broken in my entire life. All through those time I was arguing with someone in need of help.
How could I not have known. I'm stupid... I'm stupid... I'm stupid! I kept stumping my palm on my head. Shame unto me.
There were moments in our arguments with signs of clear red flags, some things he said wasn't just right but I ignored just to win the arguments. At one point he claimed he was God, at another point he said he doesn't need to work to become rich that money will visit him, he said some really bizarre things if I was observant enough I would have noticed but fuck me I didn't.
Next day, I got a call that he has been found and has been taken to a psychiatric hospital. He was suffering from bipolar disorder. When I got there, he no longer recognises me. This was the same person we both argued few nights ago.
This short experience was devastating for me. I cried like a baby right there in room filled with his family and some other friends.
No one knew why I was crying, it was just me and my guilty conscience. This would have been prevented atleast a little if I had acted differently. I can't hug him now... It's of no use. I can't tell him how great a friend he is and and how much he deserves the world now because it would be useless.
I pray day and night that he gets well soon and I could tell him how sorry I am for not realising he had a condition unknown to me.
I get to visit him twice a week and hope he gets back to the J I've always known, my buddy for life 💑
For anyone reading this:
Sometimes the people around you might look okay from the outside but I promise you there is a lot going in on the inside. Show love to whoever call you their friend and also don't take arguments personally (I failed this test), some people uses arguments to validate theirselves and some might not be as sane as you think.
#ListenMoreSayLess11 -
Today I spilt a glass of water onto my palm. As I was shaking the hand of a senior executive. He looked at me in disgust as our hands squelched together.
-
Was wondering why one 2px line looked waaaay thicker than another 2px line.
Then I remembered one was on a shitty 15" 1024x768 monitor.
*face palm* -
// Stupid JSON
// Tale of back-end ember api from hell
// Background: I'm an android dev attempting to integrate // with an emberjs / rails back-end
slack conversation:
me 3:51pm: @backend-dev: Is there something of in the documentation for the update call on model x? I formed the payload per the docs like so
{
"valueA": true,
"valueB": false
}
and the call returns success 200 but the data isn't being updated when fetching again.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
backend-dev 4:00pm: the model doesn't look updated for the user are you sure you made the call?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me 4:01pm: Pretty sure here's my payload and a screen grab of the successful request in postman <screenshot attached>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
backend-dev 4:05pm: well i just created a new user on the website and it worked perfectly your code must be wrong
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me 4:07pm: i can test some more to see if i get any different responses
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
backend-dev 4:15pm: ahhhhhh... I think it's expecting the string "true", not true
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me 4:16: but the fetch call returns the json value as a boolean true/false
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
backend-dev 4:18pm: thats a feature, the flexible type system allows us to handle all sorts of data transformations. android must be limited and wonky.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me 4:19pm: java is a statically typed language....
// crickets for ten minutes
me 4:30pm: i'll just write a transform on the model when i send an update call to perform toString() on the boolean values
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
backend-dev 4:35: great! told you it wasn't my documentation!
// face palm forever4 -
I hate it because it is not properly visible from back and also why in this world you would do that...😒😒
7 -
Project manager: "What is a micro service? I'm dating a girl and she mentioned it and I want to impress her."
Me: "Well, you have monolithic services which tend to serve many different functions whereas a micro service tends to serve a single function or a few related functions. They are usually easier to scale and can be optimized to be faster. Still, right tool for the job."
Project manager: "Oh nice! So I can ask her 'Hey, want to see my micro service? It's quick and scalable.'"
-face palm-
He's leaving this week. I'm going to miss him though.
Seriously though, in that context, would scalability mean you're bringing friends?4 -
bae: hey,do you know where did the word 'oops' came from?
me: object oriented programming? 😋
bae: no, its from the noises that we naturally make when we slice our palm with the Night Cheese knife 😝
me:(quick search on the stack exchange app meanwhile) 😑 it's an alteration of upsy-daisy blah blah
and then she's like GOOD NIGHT!
😂😂 -
More and more of my friends and family are finding out I'm an Android Developer. I'm so sick of hearing, "Hey, I have a great idea for an app...". They all think you can build a good mobile app from scratch in a few days.2
-
Really sad in 2016 when I have to teach an assistant manager and her underling in a different department about PEMDAS.
We deal with excel on a daily basis and the math always follows that. Had to explain in very simple steps how it works. Then was asked what an exponent was. *weapons grade face palm*5 -
I dreamt about bugs this night. Not software bugs, but actual bugs, like a centipede that enjoyed attaching itself to the inside of my palm and such... Not sure if dev related or not, not a good dream either way :/5
-
I came to the abandoned stock exchange to scour the ground for valuables left behind by dead brokers who killed themselves here. Watches, golden lighters, jewelry — all wanted to no one. I didn't care about where they came from. I was okay with wearing an old watch that I pulled off a skeleton hand.
Brittany had been missing for a while now. She lost custody of her kids, but everyone knew that was because Lake Mead turned them into calcified sculptures that got progressively tinier and tinier. Her though? Not so much. She was crying while fiddling with Lego-sized figurines of what was her children. “I don't care what anyone else says, I'm gonna make it right for you, because I FUCKING have a PURPOSE!”
The detached palm of my once school friend gripped mine. Couldn't get it off with force, so I stuck it you know where — I think he was disgusted, but his palm ran away quickly.
Another friend — uni friend now — was interested in making as much gesheft as he could during the semester. He had it on his reel-to-reel recorder. He didn't want to share his insights, but $500 made him talk. He was disgusted, though, as bills had my saliva on them. In exchange, I got the ability to pump whatever music I liked in the lecture room, as it was now mine. I didn't have to study — I already had a job. My uni was my coworking.
The last floor featured the room of nineteen Neins — a foot buttons that, when pressed in the correct order — will reveal the rape bathroom. It was huge and outdoorsy.4 -
I would have never considered it but several people thought: why not train our diffusion models on mappings between latent spaces themselves instead of on say, raw data like pixels?
It's a palm-to-face moment because of how obvious it is in hindsight.
Details in the following link (or just google 'latent diffusion models')
https://huggingface.co/docs/... -
Coolest project was an order and billing solution for restaurants on Palm handhelds, written in C.
The cool thing was to completely develop the Bluetooth stack for communicating with printers for orders and bills.
This was the project to really teach me the diff between & and *.
Must have been around 2003, but I bet it's still running. -
Me: I should divide my project in small parts. It will be a piece of cake.
Also me: (on last day of submission) 76 commits in 34 minutes.
*Face Palm* 🤦♂️1 -
Product owner: when will you have that script written and submitted to DBAs?
Me: if nobody bugs me, hopefully COB today.
Product owner: great!
*user support*
*user support*
*user support*
*user support*
*user support*
Team lead: write this other script.
Me: I just finished user support, I have another script to write first. Does yours take priority?
Team lead: yes.
Me: ok....*sigh*
*writes 2nd script*
*submits 2nd script to DBAs*
Product Owner: you done?
Me: *face palm* ......NO! -
Final year of my diploma in Information Tech, I overhear a coursemate, well-known know-it-all, explaining what Javascript is:
"It's somewhat like Java but it's used for scripting purposes."
I swear to the Lord Almighty, I wish I could drive my palm through my face.1 -
Hidden pixel just scratched my finger while I was wiping the screen with my palm. Lesson successfully learned.1
-
5th time I've lost my place on the feed. Also for the love of god why have they not made a face palm emoji? I need that in my life
9 -
I don't know if this is a joke or a miracle.
I was pooping myself on a toilet, and beside me was a bucket of water, then there was a mosquito in my palm where I held my phone. after I snap it, I accidentally threw my phone at the bucket of water.
First and foremost. It's not a water-proof phone, so don't expect that I'm rich. I immediately grab it and it's so wet.
After a while, it gets a lot of touch bug and plugged in headset which is full of water in it.
tried to wash it after I'm done pooping. shut the phone and wait until it's all dry.
After that, my phone went to teamwip(bootloader) telling me that the custom OS is missing.
After some coding, I checked my phone and it's all normal now.
Lesson Learned: never shit when you have a phone with you.4 -
#need_help
Dear all,
I'm trying to make a choice, a choice that won't make me regret it for the few years advanced, I'm in a dilemma, I don't know which MacBook should I get for my everyday life, I currently work as an iOS developer (Learned iOS using all kinds hackintoshes, yeah I never bought a single apple computer, yet), and always have motivation to learn new stuff (from machine learning, to web development, to making games with unity (or whatever engine), hell I even like to design stuff from time to time using Photoshop, sketch, I sometimes do video editing using premiere and after effects), and I yet have to choose which laptop to get, I got only one week to make the choice so...
Here are the options:
The new MacBook Pro 2016 (Touch Bar edition):
Pros: 'Latest' and 'greatest', have thunderbolt ports which makes it (sort of) future proof, TouchId for unlocking the laptop using a fingerprint.
Cons: You need a damn dongle everywhere, no escape key (Which I use for the autocomplete feature in Xcode), and this touch bar (Which I really have no idea if i will ever use it other than the nyan cat app for 5 minutes), plus I heard about battery issues with it (don't know if they resolved it or not), fucking huge trackpad, and no fucking MagSafe!
The previous model MacBook Pro 2015:
Pros: Ports, lots of them, small trackpad (Which you don't have to worry about your palm screwing up your work), and MagSafe! (Which I honestly don't know if it'll make any difference for my usage)
Cons: has old CPU from Haswell generation (I know that it won't feel different, it's just that I like to have parts that are the 'latest')
Now some questions, for people who have the old MacBooks and new MacBooks:
For the ones with old MacBook:
If you were given the choice to replace the old MacBook for the new one for free, would you go for it?
After all this time, how's the battery performance? is it still great from the time you bought it?
Foe the ones with new MacBook:
Does the huge-ass trackpad interfere your work day?
Do you miss magsafe to a point where you really want to throw out the new laptop and go back to previous model?
Did you get used to carry out dongles everywhere?
Did you like the TouchBar? Does it help you in your everyday work? from designing to coding to whatever, do you think that now you can't live without it?
How's the battery performance?
Is programming on it joyable? or the new keyboard and touchpad are just a meh?
Strawpoll to make it easier to vote:
http://www.strawpoll.me/12856510
In addition to that I would love that you guys detail me your experience and answer some questions that I posted above, I would be very, very grateful.2 -
When the idea of a split keyboard is awesome but you've programmed your brain to type "b" with your RIGHT hand....*face palm*
-
Well I was in school for web development I chose to take the elective course intro to web as an easy online class. And almost failed an assignment for using css3 for rounded corners and shadowing all because it did not pass validation because it was not standard yet. Shows how little that teacher knew about the industry...... Face palm
-
We used to have clients of every levels of intellect.
Once one of them, a she, after a week of starting their mobile apps development came and asked
"Why is it taking so long? The designs were ready and so do the backend. Why do app developers taking much time to connect these two.?"
She definitely thought mobile apps are simply the psd designs we provide being connected to the backend. Face palm -
Boss explaining a bug found in my senior developer's (yes, that one) application...
Boss: "This shouldn't happen, this presents a security issue since these records should not be visible at this point."
"Senior" Developer: "You're right. Hmm, what should I do about that?"
Me: *face palm*2 -
- working on a personal project
- got angry at windows for sucking so bad at running fucking vs code of all things
- banged the palm rest on laptop in rage
- windows freezes
- restart
- harddisk died
- lost my collection of notes from college
- lost all my photos
- but most importantly, lost my progress on a project that I was working on and hadn't git push
- FANTASTIC
Lession learned. Always have a backup. ALWAYS.5 -
I work for a tech company, centered on computer vision and video processing. I mean, we're not exactly the most Web centric company I grant you. That said I've just noticed a post on LinkedIn a couple of days ago celebrating our new start. The URL?
...
...
That starts http://localhost/ -
/rambling
Arghhh!
Okay, so have just been having a play with Mailgun's webhook functionality (a client finally has a decent use for these).
I setup a test endpoint that sends a mail via Mailgun and then handles the POST data too. It emails myself the raw POST request response from Mailgun when I open the email. Mailgun fire an event their end when they detect the message has been opened.
All is good apart from Mailgun are posting multiple requests for each event, which is annoying.
After an hour messing around and getting annoyed I have a complete face palm moment.
In my test script Mailgun is called is send my notification email! So I'm creating multiple events for the same test message.
i.e. send original message, receive post back from Mailgun to my endpoint, my script then emails me the result using Mailgun. The latter itself generates its own events again.
Sooooo stupid of me to not notice something so obvious :(
1 -
So apple event today was 2 hours long to say....
MOAR screen for MOAR dollar?! 💵💵😂
The only feature I want is the fall detection for when I face-palm now....6 -
Has anyone else noticed NULL thing on Facebook marketplace? I mean for f* sake it's been there for at least a month now.
1 -
A long time ago in a decision poorly made:
Past me: hmm we're having trouble getting IT to give us a new build machine with the new compilers.
Past me: I know we'll just use one of the PCs that belongs to a member of the team to tide us over.
[2 months pass]
Present me: that's odd, Jenkins is really slow today.
[Several minutes pass]
Present me: holly shit fuck; it's building the whole weekends worth of builds at 9am on a workday and eating licenses like a cast away that suddenly teleported to an all you can eat buffet.
Present me: [abort, abort, for the love of fuck abort]
Present me: contacts IT, they can't find any problems, wtf happened.
Present me: discovers team member turned off his machine on Friday and builds had been stacking up all weekend.
Lessons learnt: disable power button on team members pc and hire a tazer guy to shoot whenever someone goes near the wall socket.
1 hour lost and no build results for the last 3 days.
It's looking like a bad morning
-
Old one but popped into my mind today,
during 3rd year project, when all computer science students were mixed together,
I wrote the design / implementation doc
had a lot of acronyms as it was a technical course
referenced VS IDE
Idiot on team came along and decided to expand these acronyms
IDE became Intercompany Data Exchange
I lost the plot as he submitted it before i proof read the thing!
*face palm -
So I posted a rant a few days ago about what all of us in here might consider to be a bug in the OneDrive iMessage app. Being a good sport, I went ahead and filed in a report for it. Little did I know OneDrive would've hit me with this. *face palm*
Link to the other rant: https://www.devrant.io/rants/484313
3 -
So one of our teacher gets a mail from her personal email id on her college id, saying, "Hi this is me". Goes to google and searches, " Hi this is me mail on gmail".
*face palm*
Fatuity is unreal. -
!rant
Today I replaced my Logitech G610 that had a twitchy enter key by a Corsair K70 with MX Silent switches.
It's a whole lot of money, but man that thing is really beautiful. I'm in love with the aluminium top plate and the entire design with raised switches/keycaps.
The G610 is a good keyboard (only missing a palm rest), but the K70 is much more comfortable, and the silent switches are really a lot less clicky, nearly as quiet as a rubber dome keyboard. Really nice for office environment.
The only sad thing is, I would prefer brown switches for regular typing, because of the feedback. But MX Silents are only available as red and black.
So now I have red switches, but that's something I can live with.
I hope the K70 is made to last, I'm not planning to have another keyboard for the rest of my life.1 -
Spend 1 hour learning to configure networking interfaces via command line on an ubuntu VM for home use.
Can't ping anything.
Double check /etc/network/interfaces, restart box, check loopback interface functions, check physical cabling.
Realize that VM is attached to a separate virtual switch.
Virtual switch is tagged for Vlan 2, connected router is a flat topology.
Face palm. -
Rant! The reason. Software engineers have to take test just to get a job. Is cause there are to many hacks out there.
Me. Did you read the schematic did you see the gpio that enables the JTAG needs to be asserted to debug.
THING 1: What's JTAG debugging
THING 2: No just debug using the software.
Me: enable the JTAG or it won't work
Face palm I am so tired of helping people. We just hired who where supposedly real engineers
In every other profession there are standards. You don't see any self taught surgeons.13 -
Ah, yes, the ages old dilemma of a piece of shit function written in-between taking long drags out of a fucking crackpipe being more reliable than the refactored version; how delightful.
Now, they say broken code from cleanup of sketchy bits is better than any working snippet whose reading feels as pleasant as being repeatedly slapped with a decaying rhinoceros testicle sack, but I'll be fucked if I don't __sometimes__ feel like I just *might* prefer eating the maggot soup out of the rotting fucking gonads of deceased male pachydermata than deal with this kind of shit: feet facing backwards and all that.
Ugh. If only I could live my life without everyday feeling like I'm on a pointless quest to slay a mother fucking dragon, where everytime I get to the castle I'm suddenly a mustachioed italian plumber stepping on turtles and my bitch is in another sicillian ghetto. You know, basic shit.
The good thing in seeing these old errors pop up again after my shoddy bandaid of a patch is taken off is that I'm finally experienced enough to realize that my ~ A P P R O A C H ~ was wrong to beg with. And this is VERY nice, because I came in to do some trivial maintenance of forgotten code, and now I have a plan for correcting a very small and silly but definitively annoying as fuck design error.
Why am I so annoyed then? Because it's more and more work, it never fucking ends, and I can't EVER take a break: with apocalypsis incoming, as we have clearly seen in the stars, tea cups, palm readings, crytal balls, ouija boards, and also in the cover of old-school pornographic magazines nailed to the wall of a defunct newspaper kiosk, the fear of economic collapse is somewhat too real to even THINK about any kind of necessary vacation.
And so: fucking shit, here we go again... TIME FOR MORE COFFEE.
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Most illogical thing I had to do today.
Today i received an email from bank to fill an attached form to receive payment from a foreign country.
Face palm no 1: The form they sent was in doc format. The layout of the form was all fucked up.
So I downloaded a proper PDF version of the same form from the bank's website.
I filled the form on my computer and signed it using my pen tablet and emailed it back.
Few hours later somone from bank calls me.
Facepalm no 2: He sounded frantic. He asked me to physically mail the "orginal" of the form!
He was thinking I took the printout of the form, filled it by hand and send the scanned copy.
I told him I filled everything digitally so there is no "original" form in physical sense.
Also since I emailed him the form, it doesn't make any sense at all, for me to take the printout of the digital version and mail it to him when he could just open his email and take a print out.
He didn't seem to grasp that idea at all.
Finally, I agreed to go to a branch nearby me and got him speak to an employee there over my phone and they said they will courier the printout to him.
I don't know if the people there are dumb or I am too smart.3 -
Upgrading mongodb to 4.0.25 for a heavily used dev environment,
Running the DevOps jenkins job thingy,
Failing miserably,
Asking the DevOps to take a look,
"Did you upgrade to 3.6 before?",
"no",
"Well mongodb EC2s are deleted",
FML1 -
Buddy: How much of shower gell should you take on your palm?
Me: Make a 'debian' outta it.
Buddy: *confused af* :/
#linuxEnthusiasts :P2 -
Reading code and getting that face palm moment
String code = customer.getCode();
customer.setAccount("foo");
customer.setGroup("bar");
customer.setCode("new code");
Ok this is preparing the customer obj makes sence.
Some 20 lines later
customer.setCode(code);...... Wtf1 -
That I learned Java.
Got lots of work but nothing to be proud of.
Always has to clean up after mediocre fdevelopers. -
I work with a few non-programmers on my team and after almost 2 full years of using our CMS one of them called me over because they were getting an error when trying to copy a hyperlink... I come over and everything looks fine, so I say "Have you right clicked on the hyperlink and clicked 'Copy Shortcut'?"... She says "Well no, I don't want a shortcut I want to copy the URL." .... ::face palm:: This is why the other countries are beating us!
-
I had long time to figure out how to send an email via java over wildfly with @Resource annotation and finally found how to do it, according StackOverFlow, i just had to create new instance with @EJB Annotation instead create it with "new" *face palm*1
-
User gives printee asset # to configure scan to email function... Configure SMTP server settings ensure everything is correct... Ask user to test it... No go... Try different SMTP server still no go... Tweaks Configuration settings... No go... Finally after getting annoyed at my quite possible incompetents, I ask the user to confirm the printer asset number... They gave me the wrong printer asset the first time... [face palm]
-
Quotes typed in Outlook are not the same as quotes typed in Visual Studio, or SSMS. Just so you don't spend hours trying to figure out WTF is wrong with you code, only to face palm.1
-
I tried to explain to our Ruby system architect that rescuing Exception (which also catches NoMemoryError) is a bad idea. I'm then told we _want_ to catch it and log who the culprit is and flash an error to the user. There's still a palm print on my face.
-
Idiot: "You should use this thing for that ! It's way better than your suggestion "
Me: " ok cool can you explain to me why it's better or even what it does for me? "
Idiot: " well .. It's kind of ... Like .. Erm ....google it man"
Me: "face palm" -
!comforting
TL;DR - I’ve done some thinking about operating systems and sticking to one
Mk
so I, like many of you, have seen far more than my fair share of “X operating system is perfect for it all, so don’t use Y operating system because it’s just awful” posts.
Over this week i’ve really done some thinking and experimenting with multiple devices and OSes and programs for various tasks. People coming from windows over to linux (like myself) tend to diss windows (rightfully so for the most part, but still). I’ve also noticed that the android vs. apple debate can get heated among users.
Listen guys,
iOS has its shortcomings obviously, UI being kinda a big one; but no one can deny that apple shoves some of the nicest hardware into their devices. Yes, this stuff is pricey as hell obviously, but the new macs come with an i9 and quite a bit of memory as well. Apple devices tend to have longer lasting batteries too - i cant count the times where i’ve just turned on my mobile hotspot, and stuck my android in my pocket to use my iphone (its a wifi-only 5s). the applications run nicely on apple hardware.
i couldnt learn even half as much programming as i do on my android though; Termux is a godsend, and im able to run and test scripts right there in the palm of my hand. can’t get that on an iphone.
Some of my favorite game developers only develop for windows; I’m dual booting for that sole reason (warframe and the epic games launcher don’t properly run through wine).
Just boil it down inside for a second; You might have come from a more “user friendly” operating system, to learn on one that is less so - wether you wanted the freedom and wiggle room for customization, or just a more developer friendly working environment (God bless conky and its devs) - so you didn’t have to be locked down into one way of seeing things. Putting a previously used OS down directly violates that thougjt process, and at that point you’re just another windows hater, or arch junkie, or whatever. I think we need to be open to appreciating the pros of every system, even if we almost never use some of them, and we should try not to put down other devs-to-be or csci/sec enthusiasts down because of that either.2 -
Artsy friend asked me to make a program to auto add images from folder and layout in refBoard.
Spend time figuring out how the author scales images and setting the XML up. Post wip online and someone asked why not use pureRef... Does all that stuff and more built in...
Thankfully only spent a few hours on it heh... -
Yum -y update
.........................
Reboot
.........................
CWP error 404 on all domains
Face palm3 -
Does anyone know how to add an overlay to a camera feed so it can be feed to a program like zoom? Idealy live so i can like add palm trees with the press of a button.
(I usualy use mit's processing ide for graphics)6 -
When you're an apprentice web developer and your co-workers face palm when you ask the dumb questions1
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