Yesterday, in a meeting with project stakeholders and a dev was demoing his software when an un-handled exception occurred, causing the app to crash.

Dev: “Oh..that’s weird. Doesn’t do that on my machine. Better look at the log”
- Dev looks at the log and sees the exception was a divide by zero error.
Dev: “Ohhh…yea…the average price calculation, it’s a bug in the database.”
<I burst out laughing>
Me: “That’s funny.”
<Dev manager was not laughing>
DevMgr: “What’s funny about bugs in the database?”
Me: “Divide by zero exceptions are not an indication of a data error, it’s a bug in the code.”
Dev: “Uhh…how so? The price factor is zero, which comes from a table, so that’s a bug in the database”
Me: “Jim, will you have sales with a price factor of zero?”
StakeholderJim: “Yea, for add-on items that we’re not putting on sale. Hats, gloves, things like that.”
Dev: “Steve, did anyone tell you the factor could be zero?”
DBA-Steve: “Uh...no…just that the value couldn’t be null. You guys can put whatever you want.”
DevMgr: “So, how will you fix this bug?”
DBA-Steve: “Bug? …oh…um…I guess I could default the value to 1.”
Dev: “What if the user types in a zero? Can you switch it to a 1?”
Me: “Or you check the factor value before you try to divide. That will fix the exception and Steve won’t have to do anything.”
<awkward couple of seconds of silence>
DevMgr: “Lets wrap this up. Steve, go ahead and make the necessary database changes to make sure the factor is never zero.”
StakeholderJim: “That doesn’t sound right. Add-on items should never have a factor. A value of 1 could screw up the average.”
Dev: “Don’t worry, we’ll know the difference.”
<everyone seems happy and leaves the meeting>

I completely lost any sort of brain power to say anything after Dev said that. All the little voices kept saying were ‘WTF? WTF just happened? No really…W T F just happened!?’ over and over. I still have no idea on how to articulate to anyone with any sort of sense about what happened. Thanks DevRant for letting me rant.

I'd like to extend my heartfelt fuck-you to the following persons:

- The recruiter who told me that at my age I wouldn't find a job anymore: FUCK YOU, I'll send you my 55 birthday's cake candles, you can put all of them in your ass, with light on.

- The Project Manager that after 5 rounds of interviews and technical tests told me I didn't have enough experience for his project: be fucked in an Agile way by all member of your team, standing up, every morning for 15 minutes, and every 2 weeks by all stakeholders.

- The unemployment officer who advised me to take low level jobs, cut my expenses and salary expectations: you can cut your cock and suck it, so you'll stop telling bullshit to people

- The moron that gave me a monster technical assignment on Big Data, which I delivered, and didn't gave me any feedback: shove all your BIG DATA in your ass and open it to external integrations

- the architect who told me I should open my horizons, because I didn't like React: put a reactive mix in your ass and close it, so your shit will explode in your mouth

- the countless recruiter who used my cv to increase their db, offering fake jobs: print all your db on paper and stuff your ass with that, you'll see how big you will be

To all of them, really really fuck you.

1. I join a company.

2. I get deeply involved in "how to run the company", and get nice compliments from both coworkers & management about my skills in conveying startup/scaleup advice & necessities to upper management.

3. With my ego inflated through all the sweet talk, I think "ah, what the hell, let's do this again", and I accept a Lead/CTO promotion. I have to join board meetings, write reports on quarterly plans and progress.

4. I get unhappy/stressed/burned-out because I really just want to be a developer, not a manager/executive.

5. Upper management understands, I give up my lead position, lock myself back into my coding cave.

6. I get annoyed because the requirements I receive become more and more disconnected from reality, half of the teams seem to have decided to stop using agile/scrum, the testing pipeline breaks all the time, I get an updated labor contract from HR by mail which smells like charred flesh, etc

7. The annoyances become too much to do ANY work. I yell at the other devs outside of the entrance of my cave. There is no answer, only a few painful moans and sighs.

8. I emerge from my cave. The city has turned into a desolate wasteland. The office is a burning ruin, the air sharp and heavy with black soot. Disemboweled corpses of developers litter the poisoned soil.

Product Managers dressed in stained ripped suits scream at each other while they try to reinforce concrete barricades with scotch tape and post-its. *THUMP* Something enormous is trying to break through. "Thank God, bittersweet, you're still alive! The stakeholders! They have mutated! We couldn't meet the promised deadlines! We've lost the whole mobile app department, and that kid there is the last of the backenders and he's only an intern! You're here to save us, right? RIGHT?".

In the corner, between the overflowing coffee machine and a withered cactus, a young boy has collapsed onto the floor. His face is covered in moldy coffee grounds, clasping on to his closed macbook for dear life, wide-open eyes staring into the void, mumbling: "didn't backup the database, and It's all gone" over and over.

A severely dented black Tesla with a dragging loose bumper breaks through the dried up vertical herb garden and the smoothiebar, and comes to a halt against the beanbags in a big cloud of styrofoam balls.

The CEO limps out, leaking blood all over the upholstery. He yells to the COO: "The datacenter is completely flooded with sewage! I saved the backup tapes though", holding a large nest of tangled black magnetic tape mixed with clumps of mud above his head.

9. I collect my outstanding salary and sell any rewarded options/shares for a low dumping price, take a 5 month holiday, and ask a recruiter about opportunities in a different city.

Private chat pops up. (- separator for new message)

Hello
- (1 min)
Can you help me?
- (2-3 mins)
Please it's urgeeeent!!!!!
- (1 min)
Come on you're online, I see the green dot.
- (5 mins)
Ok then I won't be able to work. Will write this down in the ticket.

- (15 mins) - new private chat pops up
Hi, we need to talk.
- (3 mins)
Regarding ticket XY, why aren't you responding? It's really urgent.
- (5 mins)
Please notify me as soon as you're available, it's really important!!!

- (20 mins, new private chat opens)
Hi mate, I think the devs are up to mischief. Said you're not reachable, I'll try to poke them with the stun gun.

- (60 mins, message in the official and only endorsed support room)
@all We broke staging, <Me> never responds and <Team mate who tried to use the stun gun> wasn't helpful either.
We really need this now!!!!!!!

- 30 mins later... la me:
@all I was in a meeting with the stakeholders as we had an priority meeting... What was so important that you not only ignored the rule of not messaging privately and even ignored <team mate>s instructions?

- 5 mins later, answer
no need to be so unfriendly.... We broke staging as we had to test stuff out for next week's sprint review [something which is still 3 days away or sth like that]. We really need to take a look in the team at it and for that we must have staging working now!!!!
- (La me)
If you need it urgent now, you didn't plan ahead. And if you didn't plan ahead, you have to wait for others. The sprint review and all other important days are planned ahead for a reason.
- (Silence)

- (20 mins later, private chat, team lead)
Will you finally fix staging now?

- La me
If it could wait 3 hours now and you / your team ignored all netiquette, it can wait till next day, too. We had this discussion more than once, I don't think I need to explain this further.

(Silence)

All in all, the joys of communication...

Now the fun stuff is when this not only happens with 1 team, but many teams....

Having 35 - 40 private chats and chat window looking like a christmas tree thx to the immeasurable amount of notifications and colors... Yay...

Did I mention that I hate the ego some programmers have -.

Job Ad: You will report to leadership stakeholders on key progress initiatives and collaborate on business value add action objectives.

Translation: Have boss. Do task.

Senior Manager: I have to use your app today, how do I do that?

Dev: Well first you log in, and then you clic—

Senior Manager: That’s way too low level, I only deal with things on high level! Explain it to me from a high level.

Dev: Use the app to orchestrate the visibility of action items to stakeholders and pivot the leverage towards buy-in.

Senior Manager: Hmmmm….

Dev: Agile.

Senior Manager: Aha! I understand how to use the app perfectly now!

Senior Manager’s Account: Last Login - Never.

Dev: This is the first version of this new app, we’re still experimenting with how it’s going to work but initial headway is looking promising. It cost very little to make, came together very quickly and is already resulting in productivity increases for users. We’re just doing a bit of code cleanup now and we’ll make a move on the next iteration.

Corporate IT: This project is being completely mishandled! In order to successfully build an app you have to determine every single requirement beforehand! It takes millions upon millions of dollars due to the complex system of governance and approval that needs to exist. Massive numbers of stakeholders need to be involved and coordinated to even make so much as a login screen! I bet your project doesn’t even have a documented list of core values.

Dev: Has you ever successfully built an app using that methodology?

Corporate IT: 😡 That’s a loaded question. I went to school to study project management and have over 25 years of experience in the field. If you had the training and experience I do you would know that tech projects are naturally very volatile and there’s nothing you can do about that!

Dev: …

Business guy: hmmm, what do you think about getting the programmers to come to the office more often?
Me: uhhhh explain?
BG: feels like when working from home they might only give it their 90%, but in the office they'd do 100%.
Me: let's not talk about how you reached that conclusion for now. If you force them to come more often they will quit.
BG: what about the new people we want to hire?
Me: most jobs have full remote available, why would anyone pick us?
BG: hmmm. Btw next week we'll talk with some stakeholders about trying to get some outsource help. You know, for repetitive stuff that doesn't require in-house engineers.
Me: like what?
BG: you know, repetitive stuff

This is suffering. Is my only choice to tell the guy that he has no clue what he is talking about, should STFU, and let the technically capable people to handle themselves? As in, we already do but for some reason he still thinks he knows better than the people doing the god damn job? But if I do so, the salinity in his blood will bring other problems upon us.

From a design meeting yesterday:

MyBoss: "The estimate hours seem low for a project of this size. Is everything accounted for?"
WebDev1: "Yes, we feel everything for the web site is accounted for."
-- ding ding...my spidey sense goes off
Me: "What about merchandising?"
MerchDevMgr: "Our estimate pushed the hours over what the stakeholders wanted to spend. Web department nixed it to get the proposal approved."
MyBoss: "WTF!? How the hell can this project go anywhere without merchandising entering the data!?"
WebDev2: "Its fine. We'll just get the data from merchandising and enter it by hand. It will only be temporary"
Me: "Temporary for who? Are you expecting developers to validate and maintain data?"
WebDev1: "It won't be a big deal."
MyBoss: "Yes it is! When the data is wrong, who are they going to blame!?"
WebDev1: "Oh, we didn't really think of that."
MerchDevMgr: "I did, but the CEO really wants this project completed, but the Web VPs would only accept half the hours estimated."
Me: "Then you don't do it. Period. Its better to do it right the first time than half-ass. How do think the CEO will react to finding out developers are responsible for the data entry?"
MerchDevMgr: "He would be pissed."
MyBoss: "I'm not signing off on this design. You can proceed without my approval., but I'll make a note on the document as to why. If you talk to Eric and Tom about the long term implications, they'll listen. At the end of the day, the MerchVPs are responsible to the CEO."
WebDev1: "OK, great. Now, the database, it should be SQLServer ..."

I checked out after that...daydreamed I was a viking.

Stakeholder: I need to know if these changes are possible.

Me: they should be. I’ll speak with the team.

Stakeholder: ok good because they just finished filming the TV ad for it.

.......

Why even ask?

Action takes place during demo to the stakeholders.
Manager : During the demo we will show a working prototype of new functionality. In this sprint we focused on that feature not on UX. Please do not pay attention to UI and focus on business values
*Dev starts sharing screen*
*1 sec after*
Executive : This is unacceptable. It looks gross, why you don't use default controls.
Manager : We did, this is how they look like, but please do not pay attention to UI, it is not finished
*Dev continue presenting*
*1 sec after*
Executive : I see missing comma in that sentence. It is unacceptable to show features in that state, lets move on to another team.

It was really large feature working as a charm, but they focused entirely on unpolished UI :/

Job Interview for a CTO role for a premium employer, a big law firm.

All is going well, I am telling them about my years of experience doing complex software integrations in business environments. Talking CRM/ERP, project management and development with external service providers. I tell them I want a salary of 100k and they nod in silence.

Then out of the blue one of the three stakeholders/managers leans over for a final question:
"Soo, we have this really big IT problem and if you would happen to know a solution to it, you would really prove your worth: I have these 10k+ E-Mails in my Outlook folder which doubles as an archive and Outlook keeps getting slower all the time. What can we do?"

Job posts that look for experience in everything! Experience in large scale enterprise kubernetes bullshit! What the fuck is kubernetes, a Greek god?? 4 plus years experience in aws! 5 years experience in cloud infrastructure scaling! 5 years experience in working with stakeholders and collaborating UX design! 5 years experience in React Native! 5 years experience in noSQL! 5 years experience in firebase! 5 years experience in graphics design! 5 years experience in node CSS! And every javascript known to mankind! I would love to meet this legendary developer that every company seems to want! Sick of these ads that ask for god level experience in every development role or tech. It’s like they’re hiring one developer to write their entire system from scratch which would obviously require godly expertise in front back and every fucking end there is to fucking build

You know what really grinds my gears? As a junior webdeveloper (mostly backend) I try my hardest to deliver quality content and other people's ignorance is killing me in my current job.

Let's rant about a recent project I had under my hood, for this project (a webshop) I had to restructure the database and had to include validation on basicly every field (what the heck, no validation I hear you say??), apperently they let an incompetent INTERN make this f***king webshop. The list of mistakes in this project can bring you close to the moon I'd say, seriously.

Database design 101 is basicly auto incremented ID's, and using IDs in general instead of using name (among a list of other stuff obv.). Well, this intern decided it was a good idea to filter a custom address-book module based on a NAME, so it wasn't setup as: /addressbook/{id} (unique ID, never a problem) but as /addressbook/{name}, which results in only showing one address if the first names on the addresses are the same. Lots of bugs that go by this type of incompetence and ignorance. Want to hear another joke? Look no further, this guy also decided it was a great idea to generate the next ID of an order. So the ordernumber wasn't made up by the auto incremented id on the order model, but by a count of all the orders and that was the next order number. This broke so many times, unbelievable.

To close the list of mistakes off, the intern decided it was a great idea to couple the address of a user directly to an order. Because the user is able to ship stuff to addresses within his addressbook, this bug could delete whole orders out of the system by simply deleting the address in your addressbook.

Enough about my intern rant, after working my ass of and going above and beyond the expectations of the customer, the guy from sales who was responsible for it showed what an a**hole he was. Lets call this guy Tom.

Little backstory: our department is a very small part of the company but we are responsible for so much if you think about it. The company thinks we've transitioned to company wide SCRUM, but in reality we are so far from it. I think the story below is a great example of what causes this.

Anyway, we as the web department work within Gitlab. All of our issues and sprints are organized and updated within this place. The rest of the company works with FileMaker, such a pile of shit software but I've managed to work around its buggyness. Anyway, When I was done with the project described above I notified all the stakeholders, this includes Tom. I made a write-up of all the changes I had made to the project, including screenshots and examples, within Gitlab. I asked for feedback and made sure to tag Tom so he was notified of my changes to the project.

After hearing nothing for 2 weeks, guess who came to my desk yesterday? F**king tom asking what had changed during my time on the project. I told him politely to check Gitlab and said on a friendly tone that I had notified him over 2 weeks ago. He, I shit you not, blantly told me that he never looks on there "because of all the notifications" and that I should 'tell him what to do' within FileMaker (which I already had updated referencing Gitlab with the write-up of my changes). That dick move of him made me lose all respect for this guy, what an ignorant piece of shit he is afterall.

The thing that triggers me the most in the last story is that I spent so much free time to perfect the project I was working on (the webshop). I even completed some features which weren't scheduled during the sprint I was working on, and all I was asking for was a little appreciation and feedback. Instead, he showed me how ignorant and what a dick he was.

I absolutely have no reason to keep on working for this company if co-workers keep treating me like this. The code base of the webshop is now in a way better condition, but there are a dozen other projects like this one. And guess what? All writen by the same intern.

/rant :P

!Rant

Designer decide to have a meeting with stakeholders about UX/UI workflow for control panel of our new embedded system (no framework, no library, gui is bit per bit rendered on frame buffer).
A week later, still nothing on my table, not a mail, not a call. Meanwhile I wrote a framework, the control system, renderer, and messaging queues between tasks.
Wrote some widgets, a layout system and a view swtching mechanism, and a separate stack control to use a "back" button.

Now I am stuck for I do not know what should happen when clicking on various (non obvious) items on the touchscreen.
Fine, I'll ask the designer.

"Oh, I will write the workflow next week" (ETA time, 2 weeks. Seriously? You take a week to draw on Adobe Illustrator 20 screenshot with text and I have another week to write it from scratch in C?)
Ok, while you write it, just tell me what should happen when I click an active item.
"Well, we didn't talk about that. We just decided the colour of the icons on the screen..."
For fuck sake...

Be visible! As much in the action as possible. As much in the comms with mgmt, stakeholders, clients as possible.

You can be the best and smartest engineer in the world, but if noone sees you - noone will know you exist.

Worst exp. on a collab/group project?

Had a few, here is one.

Worked with a dev team (of two devs) in Norway to begin collaboration on providing a portal into our system (placing orders, retrieving customer info, inventory control, etc)

They spoke very good English, but motivation was the problem. Start the day around 10:00AM...take a two hour lunch...ended the day at, if I was lucky, 4:00PM (relative to Norway time). Response time to questions took days, sometimes weeks. We used Skype, which helped, but everything was "Yea...I'll do that tomorrow...waiting on X....I have a wedding to go to, so I'll finish my part next week."

I didn't care so much, I had other projects to do, but the stakeholders pounded me almost everyday demanding a progress report (why aren't you done yet...etc..etc.)
The badgering got so bad I told the project owner (a VP) if he wanted this project done by the end of the year, the company would have to fly me to Norway so I personally push things along.
When real money was on the line, he decided patience was warranted.

A 3 month project turned into 9, and during a phone meeting with the CEO in December
O: "Thanks guys, this project is going great. We'll talk again in February. Bye."
PM: "Whoa...what! February!"
<sounding puzzled>
O: "Um..yes? It's Christmas time. Don't you Americans take off for Christmas?"
PM: "Yes, but not until Christmas. Its only December 12th. Your taking the whole month of December and January for Christmas?"
O:"Yes, of course. You Americans work too hard. You should come over here and see how we celebrate. Takes about a month so we can ease back into the flow of things."
<Jack is the VP>
PM: "Jack wanted this project completed by the end of the year, that is what everyone agreed to."
O:"Yes, I suppose, but my plane is waiting on me. Not to worry, everything will be fine."
<ceo hangs up>
PM: "Oh shit..oh shit..oh shit. What are you going to do!?"
Me: "Me!?..not a darn thing. Better go talk with Jeff."
<Jeff is the VP>
J: "This is unacceptable. You promised this project would only take a few months. I told you there would be consequences for not meeting the deadline."
PM:"But..but...its not our fault."
J: "I don't care about fault. I care about responsibility. I've never had to fire anyone for not meeting a deadline, but .."
Me: "Jeff, they are in Norway and no one is working this project for the next two months. You've known for months about them dragging their asses on this project. We're ready to go. Services have been tested and deployed. Accounting has all the payment routing ready. Only piece missing is theirs."
J: "Oh. OK. Great job guys. I guess we'll delay this project until February."
<leave the office>
PM: "Holy shit I'm glad you were there. I thought I was fired."
Me: "Yea, and that prick would have done it not giving a crap that it's Christmas."
<fast forward to Feb>
O: "Our service provider fell through, so I'm hosting with another company. You guys know PHP? Perl? I don't know what they called it, but it sounded so cool I bought the company."
PM: "You bought what? Are we still working with Z and B?"
O:"Yea, sort of. How's your German? New guy only speaks German."
PM: "Um, uh... no one here speaks German"
O:"Not to worry, I speak German, French, and Italian. I'll be your translator."
PM: "What? French and Italian?"
O: "On my trip to France I connected with a importer who then got me in touch with international shipper in Italy. I flew over there and met a couple really smart guys than can help us out. My new guy only speaks German, J only speaks French, and R speaks Italian, Russian, and a little English. Not to worry, I'm full time on this project. You have my full attention."

We believe the CEO has/had some serious mental issues, including some ADD. He bailed within the first month (took another vacation to Sweden to do some fishing) and left me using Google Translate to coordinate the project. Luckily, by the end, the Norwegian company hired a contractor from England who spoke German and hobbled together the final integration.

11 months ago I was tasked to audit 58 computer and 6 servers including network speed analysis. In the meeting with the client & stakeholders, they asked my boss how we will achieve this. He replied... "Pen and Paper. We have interns to capture all info into a spreadsheet ". GEEEEEEEZUS!!!

Best code performance incr. I made?

Many, many years ago our scaling strategy was to throw hardware at performance problems. Hardware consisted of dedicated web server and backing SQL server box, so each site instance had two servers (and data replication processes in place)

Two servers turned into 4, 4 to 8, 8 to around 16 (don't remember exactly what we ended up with). With Window's server and SQL Server licenses getting into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, the 'powers-that-be' were becoming very concerned with our IT budget. With our IT-VP and other web mgrs being hardware-centric, they simply shrugged and told the company that's just the way it is.

Taking it upon myself, started looking into utilizing web services, caching data (Microsoft's Velocity at the time), and a service that returned product data, the bottleneck for most of the performance issues. Description, price, simple stuff. Testing the scaling with our dev environment, single web server and single backing sql server, the service was able to handle 10x the traffic with much better performance.

Since the majority of the IT mgmt were hardware centric, they blew off the results saying my tests were contrived and my solution wouldn't work in 'the real world'. Not 100% wrong, I had no idea what would happen when real traffic would hit the site.

With our other hardware guys concerned the web hardware budget was tearing into everything else, they helped convince the 'powers-that-be' to give my idea a shot.

Fast forward a couple of months (lots of web code changes), early one morning we started slowly turning on the new framework (3 load balanced web service servers, 3 web servers, one sql server). 5 minutes...no issues, 10 minutes...no issues,an hour...everything is looking great. Then (A is a network admin)...
A: "Umm...guys...hardly any of the other web servers are being hit. The new servers are handling almost 100% of the traffic."
VP: "That can't be right. Something must be wrong with the load balancers. Rollback!"
A:"No, everything is fine. Load balancer is working and the performance spikes are coming from the old servers, not the new ones. Wow!, this is awesome!"
<Web manager 'Stacey'>
Stacey: "We probably still need to rollback. We'll need to do a full analysis to why the performance improved and apply it the current hardware setup."
A: "Page load times are now under 100 milliseconds from almost 3 seconds. Lets not rollback and see what happens."
Stacey:"I don't know, customers aren't used to such fast load times. They'll think something is wrong and go to a competitor. Rollback."
VP: "Agreed. We don't why this so fast. We'll need to replicate what is going on to the current architecture. Good try guys."
<later that day>
VP: "We've received hundreds of emails complementing us on the web site performance this morning and upset that the site suddenly slowed down again. CEO got wind of these emails and instructed us to move forward with the new framework."

After full implementation, we were able to scale back to only a few web servers and a single sql server, saving an initial $300,000 and a potential future savings of over $500,000. Budget analysis considering other factors, over the next 7 years, this would save the company over a million dollars.

At the semi-annual company wide meeting, our VP made a speech.

VP: "I'd like to thank everyone for this hard fought journey to get our web site up to industry standards for the benefit of our customers and stakeholders. Most of all, I'd like to thank Stacey for all her effort in designing and implementation of the scaling solution. Great job Stacy!"
<hands her a blank white envelope, hmmm...wonder what was in it?>

A few devs who sat in front of me turn around, network guys to the right, all look at me with puzzled looks with one mouth-ing "WTF?"

so i had the "miscommunication" meeting with PM today. he criticized me for "not following his orders", allegedly having worked on stuff during this sprint that did not help fulfill his sprint goal, and that i should have aligned my work with him. i didn't even realize this exact goal existed specifically for my user story (even though it was at least mentioned with one single word in story description, must have read over it). however, during the whole fucking sprint, he never mentioned a single time i should align with him. every daily i'm explaining what i'm going to do, every day he sees subtasks that i created for this story, and he never disagreed or mentioned this topic, so i assumed i'm on track. and now suddenly, when sprint is over, he blames me for the misalignment?

he also criticized me for having said something rude to him during a team meeting, but he couldn't rephrase or specify what i had said, he couldn't give any details at all, and also i couldn't understand or remember what he meant. what shall i respond to that?🤷‍♀️

also, aligning my work with that of a colleague and brainstorming with him about how our API could look like for our stakeholders was "not on track / following his orders" for him, even though i had announced it in the daily and he hadn't disagreed.

either this guy has alzheimer's or he has a down on me, dunno what to make out of all that.
and then he mentions i appear "somewhat aggressive" to him.
hmm weird, why should someone become aggressive when they have to deal with this bullshit all the time 🤦‍♀️

I’m LOLing at the audacity of one of our vendors.

We contract with a vendor to build and maintain a website. Our network security team noticed there was a security breach of the vendor’s website. Our team saw that malicious users gained access to our Google Search console by completing a challenge that was issued to the vendor’s site.

At first, the vendor tried to convince us that their site wasn’t comprised and it was the Google search Console that was compromised. Nah dude. Our Search Console got compromised via the website you maintain for us. Luckily our network team was able to remove the malicious users from our search console.

That vendor site accepts credit card payments and displays the user’s contact info like address, email, and phone. The vendor uses keys that are tied to our payment gateway. So now my employer is demanding a full incident report from the vendor because their dropping the ball could have compromised our users’ data and we might be responsible for PCI issues.

And the vendor tried to shit on us even more. The vendor also generates vanity urls for our users. My employer decided to temporarily redirect users to our main site (non vendor) because users already received those links and in order to not lose revenue. The vendor’s solution is to build a service that will redirect their vanity urls to our main site. And they wanted to charge us $5000 usd for this. We already pay them $1000 a month already.

WTAF we are not stupid. Our network service team said we could make the argument that they do this without extra charge because it falls in the scope of our contract with them. Our network team also said that we could terminate the contract because the security breach means they didn’t render the service they were contracted to do. Guess it’s time for us to get our lawyer’s take on this.

So now it looks like my stakeholders want me to rebuild all of this in house. I already have a lot on my plate, but I’m going to be open to their requests because we are still in the debrief phase.

Fffffuuuucccckkkkkkkkkk!!

My team and I had a presentation scheduled and we worked on it for more than a month.

A bloody fucking month long preparation.

We went through multiple reviews with stakeholders which weren't necessary and no other team does.

I put on some music to lift up my energy levels while I waited anxiously.

Show time.

We have one of the largest city festival going on this week.

The community in neighbouring building started reciting prayers out loud on a PA system just when the presentation began.

~40 folks and me struggling on video to not lose my cool and fuck my luck, I went nervous because I couldn't focus.

That's when my big boss pointed out that there some background noise and I had to explain it to them.

My very first presence and I forgot to even introduce myself. What a nut head I am.

I am annoyed and angry at myself. I perform well impromptu over planned and preparedness.

Thankfully my team mate who talks a lot and my designer, handled things well and saved the day.

Massive respect for them and kick in nuts for me.

Uuugggghhh!!

Also my neighbour is renovating his entire house and since I am using it as my workspace, I literally sit in between junk and cement and wires all around.

What a messy wasted day it was.

Me: “here’s a demo of the backend functionality you requested. We’ve got more work to do to make this production ready. Let me know your thoughts or if we need to make any changes, otherwise I’ll hand this off to the UX team, we’ll be ready to go live next month after other they deliver the front end”

PM: *telling stakeholders* “The new thing is done and ready for go live”

Me: *privately to PM* “who told you that the thing was ready for go live?”

PM: “You did”

Me: “I suggest you go read what I wrote a little more closely”

Stakeholder: Users are connecting invalid memberships to their web accounts. They shouldn’t be able to do that.

Me: Their memberships were valid when they set up the account. Your team’s record de-duping project is the issue here. You decided to mark those memberships as invalid.

I’m real tired of this stakeholder acting like this is a website issue or user error. Plus, this chaos could have been avoided if they and other involved stakeholders had just cc’d me on this de-duping project. I would have said their approach was not a good idea. But they didn’t because they want to do what’s convenient for them. If they want to be a reliable source of truth for our data, then they need to be responsible with how they’re handling that data.

I've been been in consulting doing systems implementations for about a decade. I just started a new e-commerce project with perhaps the most agreeable client I've ever encountered - in fact they're extremely eager to make my job easier. Just today one of the stakeholders, completely seriously, uttered the phrase "maybe we don't need to care about IE".

After ten years living thru every client cliche imaginable over and over again I now find I don't know how to trust. Their acceptance of best practices and my recommendations is almost unnerving...

Jesus. Got elected by the product owner last minute to give a presentation to a bunch of stakeholders. What the fuck is the point of your job if all you do is delegate your responsibilites to other people.

The company hired a Senior Project Manager (SPM) and two months in we had the following conversation:

SPM: Hey, go talk to the project stakeholders and get the requirements for the project.

Me: Uhm, isn't the PM supposed to go and gather the requirements?

SPM: I'll go check with the stakeholders. We don't have a PM :)

Me: You are the SPM... Which is the same thing?

SPM: hmmm... I'll go ask them and get back to you.

GFG, you've been here for two months, are supposed to be a senior with many years under your belt as a PM and yet know nothing about your job. You don't even know that you're a PM.

// Delivery manager rant part #2

When one of your many stakeholders asks "why isn't feature X built yet?"

Response: have you seen the state of production lately???? Do you really think your item is top of our priority list right now?

Data Disinformation: the Next Big Problem

Automatic code generation LLMs like ChatGPT are capable of producing SQL snippets. Regardless of quality, those are capable of retrieving data (from prepared datasets) based on user prompts.
That data may, however, be garbage. This will lead to garbage decisions by lowly literate stakeholders.
Like with network neutrality and pii/psi ownership, we must act now to avoid yet another calamity.

Imagine a scenario where a middle-manager level illiterate barks some prompts to the corporate AI and it writes and runs an SQL query in company databases.
The AI outputs some interactive charts that show that the average worker spends 92.4 minutes on lunch daily.
The middle manager gets furious and enacts an Orwellian policy of facial recognition punch clock in the office.
Two months and millions of dollars in contractors later, and the middle manager checks the same prompt again... and the average lunch time is now 107.2 minutes!
Finally the middle manager gets a literate person to check the data... and the piece of shit SQL behind the number is sourcing from the "off-site scheduled meetings" database.
Why? because the dataset that does have the data for lunch breaks is labeled "labour board compliance 3", and the LLM thought that the metadata for the wrong dataset better matched the user's prompt.

This, given the very real world scenario of mislabeled data and LLMs' inability to understand what they are saying or accessing, and the average manager's complete data illiteracy, we might have to wrangle some actions to prepare for this type of tomfoolery.

I don't think that access restriction will save our souls here, decision-flumberers usually have the authority to overrule RACI/ACL restrictions anyway.
Making "data analysis" an AI-GMO-Free zone is laughable, that is simply not how the tech market works. Auto tools are coming to make our jobs harder and less productive, tech people!
I thought about detecting new automation-enhanced data access and visualization, and enacting awareness policies. But it would be of poor help, after a shithead middle manager gets hooked on a surreal indicator value it is nigh impossible to yank them out of it.

Gotta get this snowball rolling, we must have some idea of future AI housetraining best practices if we are to avoid a complete social-media style meltdown of data-driven processes.
Someone cares to pitch in?

I told my boss the project would take one month, he went to tell the stakeholders it would take one week and I didn't know. Three days to the end of the one week, I meet one stakeholder and he asks, have you started testing? 😭😭 #wk1

Do any other junior devs get secret joy when the architects and senior devs argue out on open?

An actual email thread:

G: I need this done

Me: okay. Whats the priority, when's the due date, who are the stakeholders, what's the sensitivity level of the data?

G: Priority is ASAP, due date is ASAP, stakeholders are ALL OF IT, and i want to be able to control the data sensitivity level

...

Those arent ANSWERS; they're REQUESTS!!!

So, rant!

So, global-huge-paradigm-shift project moving forward. Lots and lots of architects of multiple sites world-wide, stakeholders and business peeps and sub-corp manager and head-of-fucking-everything-of-multi-billion-dollar-CEO involved with different amounts of energy and passion.

Huge amount of money involved. Not only for the multi-year project endeavour but also in licensing costs for the years and years to come.

It's a big deal for the corporation.

And it's clowns everywhere. Leadership, project leads, technical project leads, architects. Am I one of them? I don't think so because everyone is mad at me. Since I cause trouble. Since I tend to say that I don't give a FUCK about the product being a Gartner Visionary player if you can't test the fucker properly...

Last week I attended a workshop in USA (I live in Europe) regarding this change which left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I am so far away from my comfort zone.

To these people (me?) get payed for this work? Is this really relevant? Why the FUCK did I need to go to a different continent? "The "Core team" need to be on site". Yeah, right. Fuck you Mr Project Leader, I can tell you are far, far away of being on-top of this thing...

Pointless.

It's pointless.

But I guess this is why you get payed.

Work.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and I think I will raise my hand yet again and explain to all I meet that I see HUGE risks with this project as it goes along right now. We kind of make things and that has to, you know, work. NOT making things for 1 hour is... well, that is really, really bad.

I give this project ten percent chance of succeeding above the set thresholds for all different areas/functionality. (I am sure the fuckers will alter the thresholds to show off a "successful project". Fuckers.

Backend devs (and yes, even full-stack folks) who naively dismiss the nuance of a frontend dev role have clearly never tried to do a really good job at it. Or, don't realize the fullness of the responsibilities, more like.

Frontend devs have to reconcile all the requirements (and sometimes whims) of the following people:
- End Users, obviously
- Desires of Business stakeholders
- Visual Designers
- UX (Yes, it's a different discipline from vis design)
- Fellow frontend devs
- Performance budgets
- Accessibility specialists
- Content Authors (if using a CMS)

And rarely are they ever ALL aligned. Some days, it feels less like development and more like brokering deals and compromises.

I’m becoming really frustrated working with my current project. It’s like someone’s dog ate the requirements and all stakeholders are on a different page on what’s needed/wanted. I’m fishing for the info I need and try to decipher the vagueness I get. I know I could just call a meeting and try to get us all on the same page there - but I’ve been in a few meetings with this specific lot of people, and I know it’s just going to end up in much more confusion...

As expected, I take a single day of PTO and I get a whole bunch of emails about stakeholders needing help and requests for website improvements. I have 14 days of PTO that I have to use in the next two months, so stakeholders gonna get a rude surprise when they see my out of office response almost every other day.

Working for 5 months as a junior dev. I receive a request to check out a data issue at client, no one knows what is happening. I quickly find a data import issue and let everybody know. Few days later apparently issue is still not solved. A senior data consultant approaches me asking for help.
senior: 'So, any idea what's wrong with the data?'
me: 'Yeah, someone messed up the import. Just delete it and import it again.'
senior: 'How do you know?'
me: 'Because <insert valid arguments>'
senior: Wow, very clever. Amazing work. I wouldn't have thought about that. Great job'

A few moments later I receive an email from the senior with all the stakeholders in the cc: 'I found the problem and I have a solution <copy/paste my words>'

!dev

Childhood trauma has lasting effects and it's our own responsibility to identify them and break our barriers.

I have 2 projects, both of them are stuck because 1. Dependant on other team and I am not able to fix the setup of their service even after seeking help from them; 2. My setup of Android Studio started throwing error out of no where when I am low on time for merging the code to mainline, we need to perform QA and without my build working we might not be able to test a use case.

I have scrum tomorrow, I feel scared to tell this to my stakeholders just because I think they will think it's my problem. Something wring with me. As a child my father blamed me for the mistakes I didn't have any control over, again and again. Whenever I feel awkward in any situation I think that he must have said that how big of a dumb I am. How I don't have any brains to do anything. Those things still come to me. That's why I am scared, people will BLAME me for this. But I have worked on my capacity to solve this. That's it.
That's all that matters. I have seeked help already, now I need to discuss this with the management and not feel scared.

For shit's sake, data stream processing really is only for people with high throughput looking to do transformations on their data; not for people aggregating <10Gb/day of data.

Fuck me DSP is going to be the new buzzword of 2020 and I'm not looking forward to it. I've already got stakeholders wondering if we can integrate it when we dont have the need, nor the resources or funds.

So we called out our project manager and tech leader, who sent out an email last Friday to our bosses and stakeholders a project schedule - which we never knew about until we saw it in our inboxes - that showed we had already completed development and would go on to UAT testing by next week.

Except if you look at our agile board we have 3 weeks of dev tasks left and a couple more for testing and QA. Then our dev environment is shit because the deployment steps in TeamCity were not properly done by Dev Ops. And we still don't have a UAT environment created, much less tested out. And the project manager is about to go on a one-month vacation. Great!

So we replied back with all the aforementioned information (less the swearing and name-calling) and sent it out to the same recipients, including our bosses and stakeholders.

That was such a fun Friday afternoon.

Quote by Uncle Bob: “Never forget that, as programmers, you are stakeholders too. Your technical and ethical reputation is on the line. You have a say. You also have feet.”

I deployed one of our staging websites to a free plan because the site is rarely used. Project Manager sends the stakeholders the new url. There will be a lot of 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️🤦 all around. Some of it’s my fault. A lot of it is just WTF.

Stakeholder: We still need the staging site because we don’t want to test in the live site…

PM: Okay. We didn’t say we were deleting the site. We are just moving it to a new and better hosting platform, so we’re letting you know the url has changed.

Stakeholder: This url is for the front facing page. How do I access the backend? [they mean the admin interface]

Me: The only thing that’s changed is the url for the staging website. So domain-A/account is now domain-B/account.

I thought that was a pretty straightforward way of explaining things, that even a non technical person would get it. They took the /account example as the literal login url.

Stakeholder: I forgot the password for our admin login and I submitted a password reset, but I realize I don’t know if I have access to the admin email. Or if it’s even a real email account.

WTF

I look back at the email chain and I realize that I gave the PM the wrong url.

Also, WTF x 2. How did this stakeholder not realize they were looking at the wrong website?? There are definitely noticeable style and content differences. And why would you have an admin login that uses a fake email??

Me: My apologies. I sent over the incorrect url. My instructions are mostly the same. All that’s changed is the domain.

Stakeholder’s assistant: [DMs me] How do we access the backend?

WTF…are they seriously playing this game and demanding I type out the url for them?! 🤬 I’m not playing this game and I just copy and paste the example that I already sent over.

They figure it out eventually. Apparently, they never used /account to login before They used /admin/index… but that would still bring them to /account, but with ?redirect=/admin/index appended to the url if they weren’t logged in. Again, WTF.

I know I made mistakes in this whole thing, but damn. I can’t even. I’m pretty sure this whole incident is fueling my boss’s push to stop supporting this particular website anymore so I can focus on sites that actually bring in revenue…and have stakeholders that aren’t looney and condescending like this.

Our 911 Google group gets an email from a stakeholder. The group includes engineering and other stakeholders.

Stakeholder: Someone commented on Instagram that they couldn’t make a purchase.

Me: Do you have other details, like this user’s name?

SH: That’s all I got.

Me: 😑 This Google group is for 911 emergency purposes. A single user not being able to complete a purchase most likely had their bank decline the purchase. Email us when you have dozens of people saying they can’t make a purchase. Also, I don’t have the time to look through hundreds of lines of logs just to figure out the problem for one user. Email us when you have more details. SMH.

Stakeholders must learn that code quality and a user-friendly frontend are not "nice to have". If they don't fix their priorities accordingly, someone will have to pay their technical debt and that's going to be expensive.

I want to launch my own think tank and employ some the great devs I've worked with over the years.

No clients or stakeholders. Just us, building and releasing stuff.

Newbie Agile Team: "Hi Scrum Coach, we studied and implemented the Scrum methodology, but we are late as before and our software is buggy and shitty as ever, how is that?"

Agile Coach: "Scrum Methodology is easy to learn, but difficult to master!"

Newbie Agile Team (chorus): "Oh coach, Fuck yourself daily, with your coffe thermos, standing up and once per week retrospectively. If you'll come at the next review meeting, we will gangbang your ass in front of the stakeholders"

I'm working with a consultant group at my company to implement a new authentication strategy for our entire platform.

The senior dev lead from the consultant group has 25+ years consulting and claims to have written a web browser for the blind and all sorts of in-depth accessibility things.

Stakeholders tell us "Don't forget about accessibility compliance on this project"

Senior dev lead with all this claimed accessibility experience asks me, "What does accessibility mean?"

How do you deal with a boss that is not very intelligent, but fights you, your team, executive management and project stakeholders on critical system design decisions?

Everyone else is worn out, the project is long overdue and I'm running out of energy, myself. Do I just do what everyone else does and let him have his way and prepare myself to deal with the imminent problems ahead, or do I keep fighting for a well designed system that customers will enjoy using?

The disallow: in a robot.txt file is the web crawler version of new phone who dis?

I have a serious issue with anxiety, i have an unhealthy way to cope with pressure and I don't know how much will affect me in the future.

Right now I'm your average developer, i write code, makes test, commit stuff and deploy ... and i'm happy.

But seems it's not enough ... you gotta be a speaker, a leader, make showcases to customers/stakeholders the more you go up the ladder.

I'm not that. Fuck. I guess this is the kind of skills part of the Senior Engineer package companies requires.

I just wanna write code, deals with other developers and fuck off the PR part.

<.<

As a product manager, acting like engineering is the only lever to speed up the delivery date on a project when we had the kick off meeting *last week* is slightly insulting.

Your job is to pull all the levers at your disposal to deliver your feature. Instead, you take up half the quarter figuring out what you want. Them give design and stakeholders an entire month to debate the UX before handing it off to be built.

It's simple math, and each part of the process delays the other.

But don't worry, eng will cut all the corners to get it there 🫠👍

Just happened today!

So since this morning we've been trying to get our website ready for UAT deployment Monday next week, even though we only were told of it yesterday. Since we had some critical merge conflicts to unscrew on our dev branch for promoting to UAT, we sent a warning to everyone on our hipchat group

Dev team: @all please don't commit anything to the repo for an hour or so while we get the branch good for dev and uat build

Tech lead: ok

That should be enough warning, right? Surely our tech lead, who has been piling up our scope creep trying to please our stakeholders, understands well enough not to do a single goddamn thing on our repo until we sort it out, right?

Nope.

10 minutes later our tech lead pushes several changes that not only break our builds but also remove all our configuration transformations. I just stormed out of the office to avoid sending her on a one-way ticket to slapsville and fuckyoutown. Geez goddamn louise.

* Gets handed additions to current software platform (web)

* Gives back estimte of time after meeting with everyone and making them understand that once the testing phase of the project is reached there will be no changes, tests should be exhaustive and focus on SAID FUNCTIONALITY of the new additions. NO CHANGES OR ADDITIONS AT THIS POINT IN TIME

* All directives, stakeholders, users etc agreed on my request and spend an additional hour thinking of different corner and edge cases as provided by me in case they can't think of them (they can't, because they are fucking stupid, but I provided everything)

* Boss looks irritated at their lack of understanding of the scope and the time needed, nods in approval after he sees my entire specification, testing cases, possible additions to the system etc

* All members of the committee decide on the requirements being correct, concrete and proper.

* Finish the additions in a couple of weeks due to the increased demand for other projects, this directly affects the user base, so my VP and Director make it a top priority, I agree with their sentiment, since my Director knows what he is doing (real OG)

* I make the changes, test inside of my department and then stage for the testing environment. Everything is ready, all migrations are in order, the functionality is working as proper and the pipeline for the project, albeit somewhat lacking in elegance is good to go.

* Testing days arrive

* First couple of hours of test: Oh, you know what, we should add these two additional fields, and it would be good if the reporting generated by the system would contain this OTHER FORMAT rather than this one.

* ME: We stated that no additions would be done during the testing environment, testing is for functionality, not to see if you can all think of something else, even then, on June 10 I provided a initial demo and no one bothered to check on it on say something.

Them: Well, we are doing it now, this is what testing is for.

Me: Out of this room, the software engineer is me, and I can assure you, testing is not for that. I repeatedly stated that previously, I set the requirements, added corner cases, tables charts everything and not one single one of you decided to pay attention or add something, actually, said functionality you are requesting was part of one of my detailed list of corner cases, why did you not add it there and then before everything went up?

Them: Well I didn't read it at the time (think of the I in plural form since all of these dumb fucks stated the same)

Then my boss went on a rampage on their dumbasses.

I fucking hate software development sometimes.

Oh well. Bunch of fucking retards.

To be able to telepathically peel the skin from unreasonable (or downright shithead) stakeholders.

After lunch today I had review meeting with the stakeholders on project where the content was late plus a lot more than previously stated requiring changes to the angular app. So I ate a shit ton of garlic from the salad bar as we sat and my desk and reviewed it.

Yesterday, the Project Manager forwarded an email from a staff member who worked on a donations campaign. Staff member was confused about a Cloudflare challenge that appeared before the user was sent to the donation page. It’s a less than 5 second JavaScript check. He thought it looked fishy.

I had to explain that it’s a security measure that’s been up for almost a month. PM knows this but left it to me to explain because ownership of the site is on me. The donations page and api gets hit by a lot of bots because it’s a public api and there are no security measures like captchas to deter the bots. I’m inheriting this website and I didn’t build it.

Staff member says other staff want to know if the Cloudflare page can be customized so it looks more legit. Um, Cloudflare is a widely known legit service. Google it.

A few thoughts pop into my head:

1. Engineering communicated to stakeholders about the Cloudflare messaging a month ago.

2. Wow, stakeholders don’t share relevant info with their staff who aren’t on these emails.

3. Woooow, stakeholders and staff don’t look at the website that often.

Changes in the sales process enabled users to break it. I fixed the problem and suggested how to corrected those broken sales. PM wants to make tomorrow a day of meetings with stakeholders and other PMs to discuss if I should get to spend few hours fixing it.
Guess Ill tell them then that I already wrote a app on my way home that fixes it.....

!rant
Started Data Science course on big data universuty. The outcomes are heavily dependent on domain experts/stakeholders!!! Since all the answers are false positives and need to decide what make sense with the help of domain experts. And most of the Data scientists are not from programming background, they are domain experts who turned into Data scientists. Thoughts if I should continue with learning big data/data science, knowing that I have knowledge in information retrieval and search engines.

!rant: I need a little advice from fellow devs. I've come to the conclusion that development is not the right career path for me, but how to advance from here?

I've worked a little over a year as dev/scrum master and lately I've been assigned small project management tasks. I really liked the project management stuff, and I like talking to stakeholders and converting their ideas into well described requirements and development tasks.

But who will hire a junior level engineer with no formal project manager training or certifications?

What kind of jobs could I apply for?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKIIINNNNNNG FUUUCK!!!!!

After a year of using mongo in prod and personal projects I have realised some things. Its really nice early on the project, especially when there are changing requirements and for small projects or proof of concepts.
But when you make commercial software things tend to get more complex and relational. Stakeholders want reporting and even a report building which a document store isn't the best at.
With most projects projects when they get big things get relational and this becomes more and more expensive to handle in terms of compute power and developer time.
I don't doubt mongo has its place, maybe as an secondary specialised data store or if the project is inherently document oriented.
Blog over.

In this project I’m working on, designers want to decrease their amount of work by blaming technical constraints.

The supposed “technical constraints” actually do not exist, as the stakeholders did tell me in the beginning “make sure that these issues do not exist within the selected solution”.

Now, I don’t have a single problem with them making their lives (and by consequence mine) easier by decreasing the scope of work, but I have said at least 2-3 times by now that there are no technical constraints, and started to do some paperwork trail that I did say that and when.

Not looking forward to see how all of this will turn out, but hoping that for once I am covering my back enough.

So this past few days of a mix bag of emotions. Friday's weekly deliverables on our first dry run at launch, I squeeze across the line in an embarrassing finish. Decision to proceed with the live run to be delayed, not going to happen if I've got something to say about it.

Next day, vendor on the house my wife has purchased (our first!!) and says we can move the settlement date ahead 4 weeks! Winning!

Monday, meeting with all stakeholders on the fuck up that was my deliverables I'm responsible for, granted a conditional pass. "Don't worry, I got this."

Tuesday, received the results of a technical challenge I've given one of the developer candidates - he smashed it. Keen to give him the job!

Commitizen Fucking Sucks!!!!

It makes me commit less and write shittier commit msgs because I am not sure if it’s going to bark at using a capital letter.

My workflow would greatly improve if my stakeholders would just communicate when they make changes to the systems that the website interacts with. It would also help if they didn’t lie when they make a f*** up. Lack of info and lies don’t help me solve the issues they created. But I realize asking for this is like believing that Santa is going to send me a puppy for Christmas.

Stakeholders

Just trying to survive because stakeholders don’t understand what I actually have ownership for and think I have magic to fix all their websites issues.

Family and friends are some of the hardest stakeholders to manage.

I just read Robert Martin's chapter on the Single responsibility principle in Clean Architecture.

In it he explains that stakeholders, or actors, that require their own functionality that may be similar to others should have separated code. This is because 2 actors == 2 potential reasons for change.

But this seems to run counter to DRY. Am I mistaken?

My manager and I setup Cloudflare for one of our websites because we’ve noticed bot activity. Stakeholders have their feathers ruffled because ONE fraudulent payment got through during the first 24 hours of using Cloudflare. Um, there’s no miracle solution and we didn’t promise you miracles.

Manager and I aren’t sweating it because 1) we’re still learning Cloudflare, 2) we’re still familiarizing ourselves with the website because it used to be maintained by an outside agency, and 3) things were much worse a few months ago before any mitigation efforts were put in place. We finally setup Cloudflare because the fraud tools for our payment processor could only do so much.

We’re both honestly surprised a situation like this hasn’t come up before in all the years the website existed.

"Stakeholders"

How is your stand on lying to the stakeholders about the project management.

To give context I worked on a research project for the half a year. Had to report yesterday about what I would do differently if I could start over. I responded truthfully and told that since now I know the caviates of the type of project I did, I would do nearly everything differently. Today I received a feedback from my boss that this was an absolute No Go.

I don't understand now what purpose it would serve to lie towards my stakeholders. Can someone clarify this for me thanks

They said they wanted a pop. Three days later after umpteen changes no pop. This is what happens when you can’t speak directly to the stakeholders. Giant waste of time and it is all being billed babies. You bet your ass it is all being billed.

When you need to present a new idea of a software to stakeholders, you let them decide the duration of the presentation or you decide? I'm facing a very fucked public saturday but it's an important project

“FINALLY… MOBILE TESTING HAS COME BACK TO SANITY!”
Let me tell you something, jabronis…
Every single day, developers all over the world sit down, open their laptops, and whisper to themselves:
"Please, Android Emulator, just work today."
But does it? NO, IT DOESN’T!
The emulator takes seven years to boot. The APK refuses to install. USB debugging fails at the worst possible time. And when you finally, FINALLY; get the app running…
“App Not Responding.”
IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU DEBUGGED IT!
And don’t even get me started on testers. The dev sends a build… and then they disappear! They vanish faster than your patience when Gradle decides to recompile the entire universe!
And what about stakeholders? Ohhh, don’t get me started on the stakeholders!
"Can I test it on my iPhone 6?"
"I don’t want to install anything. Just send me a YouTube link."
"Why is it not working on my Smart Fridge?"
KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH, ANDROID TESTING!
Because the future? Ohhhh, the future is here.
A world where mobile testing runs smooth as candy-ass butter, where builds are shared with a magic link, and where QA doesn’t need to borrow Karen’s phone from 2015.
And when the dust settles, when the smoke clears… there will only be one thing left standing.
A faster, easier, smarter way to test mobile apps.

As lead dev of a team, should I be writing estimation docs (more like novels) for new projects? I'm even told it should be at least n pages like back in frickin' high school.

Am I in the wrong for thinking it should be the PM's job to communicate with us devs and then write these useless docs to present to stakeholders, and he's just making me do his job while he's doing whatever else at home?

This is a genuine question. Am I being a lazy dick here?

So apparently my code went to prod more or less all right. Phew, the deadline was this week-end. This project have been sitting there for month, they gave me the technical requirement and never bothered to ask the stakeholders about it. When the contract went in, they started to freak out it wasn't usable.

The thing is, this project had way more moving part and trying to threat video in the frontend is not the easiest. But now is REFACTOR TIME.

I dream of getting rid of the browser video api (too flaky), download the bitmap directly and render it in requestAnimationFrame. I call it just-in-time rendering. I think i'd need to put a decoder in aws, I did it already with ffmpeg. I could not manage to put it in streaming mode though, so it was still a bit slow, but i could decode, write and re-encode faster than the video player speed.

What do you lads think? Doable or not? I at least need to general tidy up (this codebase have grown organically without any fucking direction from above, like this project took all my time on the technical side, I did not have time to run after people to get specs), centralizing state, improve monorepo and tooling, perfs,...

Hopefully they understood i cant keep adding whatever feature they want today.

Some background:

About 2 months ago, my company wanted to build a micro service that will be used to integrate 3 of our products with external ticketing systems.

So, I was asked to take on this task. Design the service, ensure extendability and universality between our products (all have very different use cases, data models and their own sets of services).

Two weeks of meetings with multiple stakeholders and tech leads. Got the okay by 4-6 people. Built the thing with one other guy in a manner of a week. Stress tested it against one ticketing service that is used in a product my team is developing.

Everyone is happy.

Fast forward to last Thursday night.

“Email from human X”: hey, I extended the shared micro service for ticketing to add support for one of clients ghetto ticketing systems. Review my PR please. P.S. release date is Monday and I am on a personal day on Friday.

I’m thinking. Cool I know this guy. He helped me design this API. He must’ve done good. . . *looks at code* . . . work..... it’s due... Monday? Huh? Personal day? Huh?

So not to shit on the day. He did add much needed support for bear tokens and generalized some of the environment variables. Cleaned up some code. But.... big no no no...

The original code was written with a factory pattern in mind. The solution is supposed to handle communication to multiple 3rd parties, but using the same interfaces.

What did this guy do wrong? Well other than the fact that he basically put me in a spot where if I reject his code, it will look like I’m blocking progress on his code...

His “implementation” is literally copy-paste the entire class. Add 3 be urls to his specific implementation of the API.

Now we have

POST /ticket
PUT /ticket
POST /ticket-scripted
PUT /ticket-scripted
POST /callback

The latter 3 are his additions... only the last one should have been added in reality... why not just add a type to the payload of the post/put? Is he expecting us to write new endpoints for every damn integration? At this rate we might as well not have this component...

But seriously this cheeses me... especially since Monday is my day off! So not only do I have to reject this code. I also have to have a call now with him on my fucking day off!!!!

Arghhhhhh

I really hate when stakeholders treat me like an idiot. No, I didn’t change the existing logic of the website. It wasn’t discussed in the scope, so why would I touch it? Stakeholder, you “double checking” like this is demeaning and will only cause me to refuse future requests from you. Plus, you were at the meeting when we discussed scope, so there should be no questioning my intelligence like this.

So I have given this small project, which should be a work of maximum a week.

But unfortunate things are happening. I couldn't work for week due to some personal things so took a week off. And now can't be productive because another thing happened.
I have been a very slow developer and it's been 4 years in industry. People with less skills are earning more.
I don't know what my colleagues or stakeholders must be thinking about me.

Most deadlines we get are unrealistic... but not in the sense you think. I get to do a task and you can bet that the deadline they tell me at that point is not gonna be the real deadline because they will keep pushing it into the future. Happens in projects with many stakeholders...

Design in Motion: Real-Time Rendering's Impact on Architecture

Architecture, a discipline that once relied heavily on blueprints, models, and lengthy render times, has undergone a revolutionary transformation in recent years. The advent of real-time rendering technology has fundamentally altered the way architects visualize, present, and interact with their designs. This paradigm shift has not only enhanced the creative process but has also empowered architects to make more informed decisions and create immersive experiences for clients and stakeholders.

Real-time rendering, a technological marvel that harnesses the power of high-performance graphics hardware and advanced software algorithms, allows architects to generate photorealistic visualizations of their designs in a matter of milliseconds. Gone are the days of waiting hours or even days for a single rendering to complete. This acceleration in rendering time has not only expedited the design process but has also encouraged architects to explore multiple design iterations rapidly.

One of the most significant impacts of real-time rendering on architecture is the ability to visualize a design in various lighting conditions and environmental settings. Architects can now instantly switch between daytime and nighttime lighting scenarios, experiment with different materials, and observe how their designs respond to different seasons or weather conditions. This level of dynamic visualization offers insights into how a building's appearance and functionality evolve throughout the day, contributing to more holistic and thoughtful design solutions.

Moreover, real-time rendering has transformed client presentations. Architectural concepts can now be communicated with unprecedented clarity and realism. Clients can virtually walk through spaces, observing intricate details, exploring different angles, and even experiencing the play of light and shadow in real-time. This immersive experience fosters a deeper understanding of the design intent, enabling clients to provide more targeted feedback and make informed decisions.

The impact of real-time rendering on collaboration within architectural teams cannot be overstated. Traditionally, architects and designers would need to wait for a rendering to complete before discussing design changes or improvements. With real-time rendering, team members can make adjustments on the fly, observing the immediate effects of their decisions. This seamless collaboration not only enhances efficiency but also encourages interdisciplinary collaboration as architects, engineers, and other stakeholders can work together in real-time to refine designs.

The integration of virtual reality (VR) and augmented reality (AR) into the architectural workflow is another transformative aspect of real-time rendering. Architects can now create VR environments that allow clients to step inside their designs and explore every nook and cranny. This not only enhances client engagement but also enables architects to identify potential design flaws or spatial issues that might not be apparent in 2D drawings. AR, on the other hand, overlays digital information onto the physical world, facilitating on-site decision-making and construction supervision.

Real-time rendering's impact extends beyond the design phase. It has proven to be a valuable tool for public engagement and community involvement in architectural projects. By creating virtual walkthroughs of proposed structures, architects can offer the public an opportunity to experience the design before construction begins. This transparency fosters a sense of ownership and allows for constructive feedback, contributing to the development of designs that resonate with the community's needs and aspirations.

The environmental implications of real-time rendering are also noteworthy. The ability to visualize designs in various environmental contexts contributes to more sustainable architecture. Architects can assess how natural light interacts with interior spaces, optimizing energy efficiency and reducing the need for artificial lighting during the day.

In conclusion, real-time rendering has ushered in a new era of architectural design, propelling the industry into a realm of dynamic visualization, immersive experiences, and enhanced collaboration. The ability to witness designs in motion, explore different lighting conditions, and interact with virtual environments has redefined how architects approach their craft. From facilitating client presentations to fostering sustainable design solutions, real-time rendering's impact on architecture is profound and multifaceted. As the technology continues to evolve, architects have an unprecedented opportunity to push the boundaries of creativity, efficiency, and sustainability in the built environment.

What are your stories of project delays(ideally that you caused) and how did you manage to get through the stakeholders with thise stories.
Please share some wisdom to handle these situations.

1 week after being handed a project, and another week before it's launch. I had to sit in a meeting presenting the project, where I found out my boss had done 0 requirements gathering from the stakeholders. Of course they all yelled at me about how shitty the project was, and my boss was nowhere to be seen...

We get our degree from a high-end higher education institution and with it we have proven that we studied Computer Science and a number of important programming languages in-depth.

Now why is it that when we get a job as a Software Developer, that people only seem to value you if you get industry certificates in those programming languages?

I understand a degree forms the basis with which to tackle modern-day software problems, but for your entire education to be practically invisible to stakeholders? That's what seems strange to me. We are valued by the number of certificates we have? Something doesn't add up. The only reason for this I can see is that the Business department hasn't had the thorough STEM education we had and thus thinks we are still novices who need to get 'trained'.

I lost half my day yesterday because stakeholders made a change to one of the systems that I need. I noticed my dev environment could not longer authenticate into the system. That usually happens when there’s a “refresh” of that system. Meaning that someone copied the production instance over to the staging one, which wiped out my user credentials. One stakeholder thought he had to notify me AFTER the system refresh and not before. Another stakeholder thought it was my task to restore my user. Nope, I’m only a user for this system. I’m not responsible for any maintenance. They weren’t understanding what they had to do even after I sent them messages saying that I can no longer authenticate and I need them to check my username and password are active and correct for the staging instance.

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Sometimes I have to connect to production database and alter my dev environment so I can “log in” as a user and see what’s wrong with their account. Once in a while there is a legitimate website issue that is unique to that user’s profile. Other times it’s user error, like the user not understanding that they have to connect their membership to their online account (they think signing up for an account will connect it automatically).

I don’t like circumventing the user’s log in like this, but sometimes it’s necessary since the website is so confusing. I inherited this website, so many of the problems were formed way before I took over.

My stakeholders want a log in as user feature for website admins to use. My manager and PM don’t think that’s a good idea right now since there are over two dozen people with admin access and admin access means access to everything in the admin (there aren’t options to give permissions as needed).

When you get the proper specs only after the current changes on the provided 'vague' spec sheet, that the stakeholders created, goes to production and it's not what they want...

I understand some of my stakeholders have more stressful roles than others, but I really wish they’d slow down and take a moment to process.

One of them recently forwarded me a customer inquiry about an order confirmation email because the customer gave the impression that they received the email in error. The customer’s message was “2018? What is this?” It was a confirmation for an old order. A really old order. From 2018. I guess my stakeholder thought an old confirmation email was resent, but my stakeholder just had to look at the original message section of the email, which stated the email was sent in 2018. Y’all, that email was sent years before I starting working for them.

I told stakeholder that I don’t know what this customer is looking for from us. IMO since this is for an order from FOUR YEARS AGO, I don’t think we should put any more time into investigating it.

Even my Product Manager agreed that our stakeholders need to do more diligence on their end (like asking the customer why they are following up on a four year old order) before coming to Engineering and taking up our time.

REDMI (Real Estate Digital Marketing Intelligence) Course stands at the forefront of transformative education, responding to the evolving landscape of the Indian real estate and construction sectors. In an era where industry stakeholders are urged to adopt modern technologies for sustainable business practices, this course becomes instrumental in equipping professionals with the necessary skills.

Building Fortresses, not Firewalls: Ethical Hacking Meets Software Development

In the digital age, security is no longer an afterthought; it's the bedrock upon which our online world rests. Yet, traditional security measures often resemble fortresses – imposing, but vulnerable to unseen cracks and tunnels. To truly safeguard our systems, we need to think like the enemy, like the nimble figures scaling those walls: ethical hackers.

Enter the exciting realm of DevSecOps, where ethical hacking practices are woven into the very fabric of the software development lifecycle (SDLC). This proactive approach is akin to building castles with security in mind, each brick meticulously laid to withstand even the most cunning siege.

Why Ethical Hacking in SDLC?

Imagine developing a critical piece of software, only to discover a gaping security hole after launch. The damage could be catastrophic, exposing sensitive data and eroding trust. Ethical hacking flips this script. By integrating penetration testing, vulnerability assessments, and threat modeling throughout the SDLC, we proactively hunt for weaknesses before they can be exploited.

Think of it as a friendly sparring match, where the ethical hacker throws their best punches to expose vulnerabilities, allowing the development team to fortify the software's defenses. This constant testing and refining leads to robust, secure systems that can withstand real-world attacks.

Benefits of DevSecOps:
1. Reduced Costs and Risks: Early detection and patching of vulnerabilities are far cheaper than dealing with a full-blown data breach.
2. Improved Software Quality: Security becomes an inherent part of the development process, leading to more reliable and trustworthy software.
3. Enhanced Brand Reputation: Demonstrating a proactive approach to security builds trust with customers and stakeholders.

Putting it into Practice:
Integrating ethical hacking into the SDLC requires a cultural shift. Developers, security professionals, and testers need to work together seamlessly, sharing knowledge and fostering a collaborative environment. Here are some key practices:
1. Threat Modeling: Identify potential threats and attack vectors early in the development process.
2. Static and Dynamic Code Analysis: Use automated tools to detect vulnerabilities in code.
3. Penetration Testing: Simulate real-world attacks to uncover hidden weaknesses.
4. Security Awareness Training: Educate developers and other stakeholders about security best practices.

Tools of the Trade:
A plethora of tools empowers ethical hackers and security professionals in their quest for a more secure digital world. Some popular options include:

1. Kali Linux: A distribution packed with security tools for penetration testing.
2. Burp Suite: A web application security testing platform.
3. Metasploit: A framework for developing and executing exploit code.
4. Wireshark: A network traffic analyzer for identifying suspicious activity.

The Future of Security:
As technology evolves, so too must our security practices. DevSecOps, with its embrace of ethical hacking, is at the forefront of this evolution. By building security into the very fabric of software development, we can create a safer, more resilient digital world for everyone.

Remember, in the ongoing battle against cyber threats, ethical hackers are not the enemy; they are our allies, the architects of digital fortresses that stand strong against the shadows. So, let's embrace DevSecOps, sharpen our ethical hacking skills, and build a future where security is not just an afterthought, but a fundamental principle.

I encourage you to explore the world of DevSecOps and ethical hacking. Whether you're a seasoned developer or just starting your journey, there's always more to learn and contribute. Together, we can build a more secure digital future, one line of code and one vulnerability patch at a time.

Do you have any questions about DevSecOps or ethical hacking? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!