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Client :- The app is slow on my device, please fix.
Developer :- Working fine on all the devices I tested, are you sure?
Client :- Yes, it's very slow. I can't accept this app.
Developer :- (Recompiles the same codebase again) Here, try this, optimized a lot of calls, took me entire day to do so.
Client :- Yes, it is working fast now
Developer :- (evil laughs)12 -
When you try to become over smart with Apple.
Client :- Ask for all user information in registration screen.
Me :- But Apple rejects app if you ask for personal information you don't need. We shouldn't ask it since Apple will reject the application
Client :- "I am more strict than Apple", just do it.
Me :- But...
Client :- Do it!
Developed the app, uploaded on Apple Store for review and the app got REJECTED!!
Reason for rejection :- Don't ask for personal information you don't need !!!
Me :- (Evil laughs)
It's been more than 15 days now, the app is still under review due to multiple other violations already informed by me.
Moral :- Listen to developers, they have more experience than you or DO THE F*****G RESEARCH !!
True story !!!!
7 -
Does anyone else have that one guy or gal you work with that's ALWAYS the one to find the weirdest, inexplicable bugs possible? Yup. That's me. Here's some fun examples.
*Unplugs monitor from laptop, causing kernel panic*
*Mouse moves in reverse when inside canvas*
*Program fails to compile, yet compiler blames a syntax error that doesn't exist*
*malloc on the first line of a program causes a segfault*
And for how the conversation usually goes
Me: "[coworker], mind taking a look at this?"
Coworker: "Sure.This better not be another one of 'your bugs'. ... ... ... Well, if you need me I'll be at my desk."
Me: "So you know what's causing it?"
Coworker: "Nope. I've accepted that you're cursed and you should do the same."8 -
App developers, the fastest way for me to uninstall your application is for you to start sending push notifications for things that are completely unnecessary. They won't remind me to use the app. They'll remind me to uninstall it.12
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When self-proclaimed Wordpress-wanna-be-webmaster-wizards of the universe ask me why it takes us so long to finish a project and that he can do anything we do in WP in a short period of time:
9 -
Since there's no such thing as Black Friday in my country, when I first heard about it, I thought it's a gathering for wizards and black magicians to perform some rituals.10
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I was a little startled when I saw posts with images of google searches with "programmers are..."
So I tried it for myself.. nothing to worry about
11 -
Me: The phone rings but when I pick up there's nothing there.
Indian call center: Okay sir can you tell me if the landline is plugged into the modem
Me: It's ringing. Yes, it's plugged in.
Indian call center: Okay we'll reset the modem.
Me: I already did that. Twice. Just to be able to speak to you because the robot made me.
Indian call center: Okay so we'll reset your modem again.
*resets*
Indian call center: Do you get a dial tone now?
Me: Yes. I have this entire time. No one can call me.
Indian call center: Sir that is not possible.
Me: Call it and see for yourself.
Indian call center: *calls, phone hangs up for them the second I answer*
Why did you hang up on me, sir?
Me: *internal screaming*3 -
"can you check in your programmings if..."
Yeah "programmings" that voo doo shit those "wizards" do....
Ergh!5 -
Best part of being a Dev us that we are basically wizards.
Now stay with me on this. At our command is the ability to think a solution to a problem and only using our minds and some gestures we can create entire worlds (games) .
We can create software and devices that can literally allow people to walk again.
We can connect people who are not even on the same planet as us (Sace Station) and have full conversations with them.
I don't know, there are limits to what we can do but give us some time and we can keep pushing them further and further.7 -
Arts and crafts: developer version.
Context: spent all day making an ER diagram from an awful SQL query I was handed. Got sick of asking for it from the contractor who made the DB.
Yes, that's one query.
25 -
To all Linux Wizards out there:
You should create an alias to your package manager called 'installman' to praise the grand master.8 -
* had to share * read it on a tutorial website *
Remember that everyone makes mistakes.
Programmers are like magicians who fool everyone into thinking they are perfect and never wrong, but it's all an act. They make mistakes all the time.1 -
SuperCell is hiring.. Here is their job description:
Description
We need a new Builder. Are you an independent and passionate maker? Do you love spending 24 hours a day turning wood and gold into walls and defensive buildings? Do you answer the call to build even if that call comes at 4:00 a.m. and you haven’t had a day off in literally five years? If the answer to these questions is “Yes! Yes! A million times yes!” then we have a hammer with your name on it!
The Role
The focus of the Builder is to, uh, build.
You will be responsible for taking instructions from the player and building whenever and wherever they see fit. They say build and you say...well, you don’t say anything, you just build.
The world of Clash of Clans can get intense. Our Builder is expected to build quickly and expertly at all times, even while under great amounts of stress and/or attacks from Barbarians, Archers, Goblins, Giants, Wall Breakers, Wizards, and P.E.K.K.A.s.
Equally as important as building is rebuilding. All of the things you build will inevitably be destroyed, if not immediately, then soon after you just finished building or rebuilding everything. You can’t let it get you down. You must maintain your resolve and rebuild. Fast!
Responsibilities
Must be willing to relocate to the World of Clash
Must build and maintain a wide-range of buildings, statues, and war machines.
Must be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Must have up-to-date Level 9 Tesla Tower maintenance certification
Must have proficiency with building materials both common (wood, stone, etc.) and uncommon (lightning, lava, etc.)
Requirements
Must provide own leather helmet
Must possess a passion for building
Must be comfortable working hands-on with molten lava.
Must adhere to strict dress code (orange sleeveless shirt, brown canvas pants, and boots).
Must speak fluent Barbarian
How to Apply
Send us your qualifications via e-mail to bethebuilder@supercell.com or write out your qualifications and send them to us via Baby Dragon. Either format is accepted.3 -
Just because a developer is a programming wizard does not mean we are physical hardware installation wizards as well.
I hate when people ask me to setup their personal home systems; especially networked printers.3 -
Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!
Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.2 -
Other than being an a**hole, Linus. Guy changed computing as we know it with a little pet project59
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I spent 4 hours finding a good way to instanciate golang structures. Came up with a function that returned a value or pointer and I just kept reusing the nomenclature for an entire project. Then my buddy looks over and goes, "Ethan, you're a f****** idiot", and shows me the standard nomenclature. Now I have to refactor my entire project. FML.
(Edit: typo)13 -
I've always been critical of python as a development language because of it's efficiency issues and the fact that it's essentially pseudocode. However, today I had to reflect 200 coordinated over the line x=355 for a course lab and I hella didn't feel like doing it in my normal languages. Wrote it using python in less than 2 minutes. It might be a bad language for efficiency, but it's one hell of a scripting language. Sorry, python. I never fully appreciated you until now.15
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If anyone has been keeping up with my data warehouse from hell stories, we're reaching the climax. Today I reached my breaking point and wrote a strongly worder email about the situation. I detailed 3 separate cases of violated referential integrity (this warehouse has no constraints) and a field pulling from THE WRONG FLIPPING TABLE. Each instance was detailed with the lying ER diagram, highlighted the violating key pairs, the dangers they posed, and how to fix it. Note that this is a financial document; a financial document with nondeterministic behavior because the previous contractors' laziness. I feel like the flipping harbinger of doom with a cardboard sign saying "the end is near" and keep having to self-validate that if I was to change anything about this code, **financial numbers would change**, names would swap, description codes would change, and because they're edge cases in a giant dataset, they'll be hard to find. My email included SQL queries returning values where integrity is violated 15+ times. There's legacy data just shoved in ignoring all constraints. There are misspellings where a new one was made instead of updating, leaving the pk the same.
Now I'd just put sorting and other algos, but the data is processed by a crystal report. It has no debugger. No analysis tools. 11 subreports. The thing takes an hour to run and 77k queries to the oracle backend. It's one of the most disgusting infrastructures I've ever seen. There's no other solution to this but to either move to a general programming language or get the contractor to fix the data warehouse. I feel like I've gotten nowhere trying to debug this for 2 months. Now that I've reached what's probably the root issue, the office beaucracy is resisting the idea of throwing out the fire hazard and keeping the good parts. The upper management wants to just install sprinklers, and I'm losing it. -
I just told my director that the solution for a particular problem that we have involves Machine Learning. For which I had already applied a VERY small app to make sense of an old database to make a NEW one since the old one broke every notion of how a db is supposed to be set (meaning that I recreated the project from scratch)
And on the same message I told him that I was not willing to do it using M.L since I was not paid enough to bring this level of heat to the institution.
Normalize telling mfkers that your skills are worth more.
I am paid well, but not enough to out of the blue tell mfkers that my ml based algo can save them./
Fuck em, fuck em hard, fuck em good, fuck em without even using spit.
I don't do this shit because I am paSSiOnate, since there lies the trap: "I mean, I love it so I guess I can do it, I do this on my free time either way" <---- no bitch, shit is expensive on the real world, don't do that wtf is the matter with you? *slaps* companies don't see it as a: "oh shit, employee X can do this! value!" they see it as "greaaaaat, I can save money on this", so fuck em.
Normalize it, y'all are wizards, advisors of kings, no company today survives without I.T. About motherfucking time y'all bitches take this shit by the horns and do with it what you want.
People form third world countries that need work: shit don't apply to you, currently, but we will make it apply to you on the rising, my kings, stay strong.4 -
Sometime this year(what is left of it) or the next I will be promoted to the senior developer in charge of two schools.....
I already thought that the level of work that me and the current senior do is way too fucking much for two people. Can't really fathom all of it just being me without seeing a substantial increase in salary(there is one in place for it...but shit man I know myself and even then I am going to bitch about it repeatedly)
What sucks the most is that I can't wing it or just not give a fuck(my preferred technique) since I really like my department, my coworkers and specially my manager.
Its her fault. It really is. She is just so likeable and I really can't imagine not giving her anything other than my 100 .
And before everyone states that it should be 100 from the get go. I am not particularly fond of giving my all for a company/institution. Never.
The reason is that I have been fucked with way more times than I can count and normally feel that regardless of how much of a total badass I can be I will never see the full compensation of it. It has happened on every other job. So instead of working for the company I work for my team. If I don't like my team I don't give a fuck.
I am a good worker, was an excellent soldier and I am an even better engineer. But there is always this feeling that I am being taken advantage of that I just can't shake off everywhere that I am working at.
Even now, the reason why the lead is leaving is because of how he was fucked over during the reclassification process. It was a slap to him in the face. Now this glorious institution will lose someone that is really amazing all because they take shit for granted.
Everyone is a number, an id. As irreplaceable as we are they treated him as someone that would just take shit and be fine with it.
And trust me, where I am at, we ARE irreplaceable, this ain't cali where you flip a stone and you get 100 node/php devs. This is 0 man ground where devs are fucking wizards that no one knows exist.
Oh well.3 -
I just... don't have the motivation to code. This thing that once gave me chills and joy for hours now feels tedious.
I still love programming. My depression is starting to win, that's all. Tearing up trying to write this.
Oh and yeah, my coworker just knocked out the entire staging Oracle database, so there's that.5 -
Ok, this is my first post here...and I came here to rant - I had heard about this place, but I guess I just hadn't had a bad enough day...until today...the day I found my ec2 instance was playing hide and seek with me. I just found out that my aws billing dashboard is going to swoosh 2000rs (30$) out of my wallet. Imagine ranting about this to a layperson... ok anyway, I had taken a t2-medium (my first one ever) for a hackathon and I was just playing with the regions I guess and it somehow ended up in the ohio region. I had given IAM access to some of my teammates and they were using it. We were supposed to shutdown the instance after 1 day. The next day I check the dashboard (for N.Virginia - which is the default) and I see no running instances. I thought ok my teammates must've turned it off and I left it at that. A month after the hackathon, I login today and I have this jaw-dropping moment. I now have to pay 30$ for nothing!
2 -
I live in a small town and work remotely. When I tell people, (even young ones) I'm a programmer/web developer they think I install programs or make simple sites. I try to explain to them that I make the things but it perplexes them. Maybe because they think all apps are made by hi tech wizards and not average joes like myself working for average companies. Any of you other countryfolk have similar experiences?2
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I just met a whole new level of obnoxious scam mail: Google calendar invites. WTH. You can't even block it.7
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! rant
Sorry but I'm really, really angry about this.
I'm an undergrad student in the United States at a small state college. My CS department is kinda small but most of the professors are very passionate about not only CS but education and being caring mentors. All except for one.
Dr. John (fake name, of course) did not study in the US. Most professors in my department didn't. But this man is a complete and utter a****le. His first semester teaching was my first semester at the school. I knew more about basic programming than he did. There were more than one occasion where I went "prof, I was taught that x was actually x because x. Is that wrong?" knowing that what I was posing was actually the right answer. Googled to verify first. He said that my old teachings were all wrong and that everything he said was the correct information. I called BS on that, waited until after class to be polite, and showed him that I was actually correct. Denied it.
His accent was also really problematic. I'm not one of those people who feel that a good teacher needs a native accent by any standard (literally only 1 prof in the whole department doesn't), but his English was *awful*. He couldn't lecture for his life and me, a straight A student in high school, was almost bored to sleep on more than one occasion. Several others actually did fall asleep. This... wasn't a good first impression.
It got worse. Much, much worse.
I got away with not having John for another semester before the bees were buzzing again. Operating systems was the second most poorly taught class I've ever been in. Dr John hadn't gotten any better. He'd gotten worse. In my first semester he was still receptive when you asked for help, was polite about explaining things, and was generally a decent guy. This didn't last. In operating systems, his replies to people asking for help became slightly more hostile. He wouldn't answer questions with much useful information and started saying "it's in chapter x of the textbook, go take a look". I mean, sure, I can read the textbook again and many of us did, but the textbook became a default answer to everything. Sometimes it wasn't worth asking. His homework assignments because more and more confusing, irrelavent to the course material, or just downright strange. We weren't allowed to use muxes. Only semaphores? It just didn't make much sense since we didn't need multiple threads in a critical zone at any time. Lastly for that class, the lectures were absolutely useless. I understood the material more if I didn't pay attention at all and taught myself what I needed to know. Usually the class was nothing more than doing other coursework, and I wasn't alone on this. It was the general consensus. I was so happy to be done with prof John.
Until AI was listed as taught by "staff", I rolled the dice, and it came up snake eyes.
AI was the worst course I've ever been in. Our first project was converting old python 2 code to 3 and replicating the solution the professor wanted. I, no matter how much debugging I did, could never get his answer. Thankfully, he had been lazy and just grabbed some code off stack overflow from an old commit, the output and test data from the repo, and said it was an assignment. Me, being the sneaky piece of garbage I am, knew that py2to3 was a thing, and used that for most of the conversion. Then the edits we needed to make came into play for the assignment, but it wasn't all that bad. Just some CSP and backtracking. Until I couldn't replicate the answer at all. I tried over and over and *over*, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and could find Nothing. Eventually I smartened up, found the source on github, and copy pasted the solution. And... it matched mine? Now I was seriously confused, so I ran the test data on the official solution code from github. Well what do you know? My solution is right.
So now what? Well I went on a scavenger hunt to determine why. Turns out it was a shift in the way streaming happens for some data structures in py2 vs py3, and he never tested the code. He refused to accept my answer, so I made a lovely document proving I was right using the repo. Got a 100. lol.
Lectures were just plain useless. He asked us to solve multivar calculus problems that no one had seen and of course no one did it. He wasted 2 months on MDP. I'd continue but I'm running out of characters.
And now for the kicker. He becomes an a**hole, telling my friends doing research that they are terrible programmers, will never get anywhere doing this, etc. People were *crying* and the guy kept hammering the nail deeper for code that was honestly very good because "his was better". He treats women like delicate objects and its disgusting. YOU MADE MY FRIEND CRY, GAVE HER A BOX OF TISSUES, AND THEN JUST CONTINUED.
Want to know why we have issues with women in CS? People like this a****le. Don't be prof John. Encourage, inspire, and don't suck. I hope he's fired for discrimination.11 -
I just had a professor unironically ask why students are stressed all the time. Education has changed. The insane assessments and workload make a healthy work-life balance impossible. There's no love of learning when the pace is shoved down your throat.7
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Inspired by @NoMad. My philosophy is that technology is a means to and ends. We’re a tool oriented species. As it relates to software and hardware, they should be your means to achieve your ends without you needing to think. Think of riding a bicycle or driving a car. You aren’t particularly conscious of them - you just adjust input based on heuristics and reflex - while your doing the activity.
For a long time Software has been horrendously bad at this. There is almost always some setup involved; you need to front-load a plan to get to your ends. Funny enough we’re in the good days now. In the early days of GUI you did have to switch modes to achieve different things until input peripherals got better.
I’ve been using windows from 95 and to this day, though it’s gotten better it’s not trivial to setup an all in one printer and scan a document - just yesterday I had to walk my mother through it and she’s somewhat proficient. Also when things break it’s usually nightmare to fix, which is why fresh installing it periodically is s meme to this day. MS still goes to great lengths with their UI so that most people can still get most of their daily stuff done without a manual.
I started Linux in University when I was offered an intro course on the shell. I’ve been using it professionally ever since. While it’s good at making you feel powerful, it requires intricate knowledge to achieve most things. Things almost never go smoothly no matter how much practice you have, especially if you need to compile tools from source. It also has very little in the ways of safe guards to prevent you from hurting yourself. Sure you might be able to fix it if you press harder but it’s less stress to just fresh install. There is also nothing, NOTHING more frustrating than following documentation to the T and it just doesn’t work! It is my day job to help companies with exactly this. Can’t really give an honest impression of the GUI ux as the distros have varying schools of thoughts with their desktop environments. Even The popular one Ubuntu did weird things for a while. In my humble opinion, *nix is better at powering the internet than being a home computer your grandma can use.
Now after being in the thick of things, priorities change and you really just want to get things done. In 2015 I made the choice to go Mac. It has been one of my more interesting experiences. Honestly, I wish more distros would adopt its philosophy. Elementary only adopted the dock. It’s just so intuitive. How do you install an application? You tap the installer, a box will pop up then you drag the icon to the application folder (in the same box) boom you are done. No setup wizards. How to uninstall? Drag icon from app folder to trash can. Boom done. How to open your app? Tap launch pad and you see all your apps alphabetically just click the one you want. You can keep your frequent ones on the dock. Settings is just another app in launchpad and everything is well labeled. You can even use your printers scanner without digging through menus. You might have issues with finder if your used to windows though and the approach to maximizing and minimizing windows will also get you for a while.
When my Galaxy 4 died I gave iPhone a chance with the SE. I can tell you that for most use cases, there is no discernible difference between iOS and modern android outside of a few fringe features. What struck me though was the power of an ecosystem. My Mac and iPhone just work well together. If they are on the same network they just sync in the background - you need to opt in. My internet went down, my iMac saw that my iPhone had 4g and gave me the option to connect. One click your up. Similar process with s droid would be multi step. You have airdrop which just allows you to send files to another Apple device near you with a tap without you even caring what mechanism it’s using. After google bricked my onHub router I opted to get Apples airport series. They are mostly interchangeable and your Mac and iOS device have a native way to configure it without you needing to mess with connecting to it yourself and blah. Setup WiFi on one device, all your other Apple devices have it. Lots of other cool stuff happen as you add more Apple devices. My wife now as a MacBook, an IPad s d the IPhone 8. She’s been windows android her life but the transition has been sublime. With family sharing any software purchase works for all of us, and not just apples stuff like iCloud and music, everything.
Hate Apple all you want but they get the core tenet that technology should just work without you thinking. That’s why they are the most valued company in the world14 -
Programmers are the digital equivalent to Wizards.
Funny thought:
Just like a wizard manipulates the physical world, creating spells that obey his intentions, a programmer manipulates the digital world, creating processes and methods that obey his will.
There are quite interesting similarities.... Now where's my digital wizard cape!?5 -
Ah, developers, the unsung heroes of caffeine-fueled coding marathons and keyboard clacking symphonies! These mystical beings have a way of turning coffee and pizza into lines of code that somehow make the world go 'round.
Have you ever seen a developer in their natural habitat? They huddle in dimly lit rooms, surrounded by monitors glowing like magic crystals. Their battle cries of "It works on my machine!" echo through the corridors, as they summon the mighty powers of Stack Overflow and Google to conquer bugs and errors.
And let's talk about the coffee addiction – it's like they believe caffeine is the elixir of code immortality. The way they guard their mugs, you'd think it's the Holy Grail. In fact, a developer without coffee is like a computer without RAM – it just doesn't function properly.
But don't let their nerdy exteriors fool you. Deep down, they're dreamers. They dream of a world where every line of code is bug-free and every user is happy. A world where the boss understands what "just one more line of code" really means.
Speaking of bosses, developers have a unique ability to turn simple requests into complex projects. "Can you make a small tweak?" the boss asks innocently. And the developer replies, "Sure, it's just a minor change," while mentally calculating the time it'll take and the potential for scope creep.
Let's not forget their passion for acronyms. TLA (Three-Letter Acronym) is their second language. API, CSS, HTML, PHP, SQL... it's like they're playing a never-ending game of Scrabble with abbreviations.
And documentation? Well, that's their arch-nemesis. It's as if writing clear instructions is harder than debugging quantum mechanics. "The code is self-explanatory," they claim, leaving everyone else scratching their heads.
In the end, developers are a quirky bunch, but we love them for it. Their quirks and peculiarities are what make them the creative, brilliant minds that power our digital world. So here's to developers, the masters of logic and the wizards of the virtual realm!13 -
On your standard epitome of being a geek, I started to show my coworkers how to play Cardfight Vanguard, a TCG since we all love TCG's (we play Magic, Pokemon and a few others) and we had made Friday our official "TCG or Board Game" day.
List of games we have played:
Star Wars CCG (dear lord this game is BEAUTIFUL shame it is no longer being published)
Magic the Gathering, we have a love hate relationship with this game, mana plays a big reason as to why we do not fully love it, it sucks getting stuck with no possibility of drawing proper mana.
Pokemon - Easy to get into, easy to play, there is nt much more to say, by far, our favorite in terms of how much money we can make out of selling rare cards that we do not use.
Dice Masters - My Personal favorite, and I am also the undisputed champion of our group
Cardfight Vanguard is my current favorite, very tactical in a lot of ways, luck of the draw hits in a funny way, I feel it is properly balanced, not much bullshit ass rules or mana issues. Reminds me of Duel Masters, I used to LOVE that Game, but Wizards of the Coast and the anime fucked it up so well....
Anyone here likes playing card games?4 -
Okay, friends. I have a challenge. Who can make the sneakiest memory leak example? I need to stump a class of students with something only valgrind can find and I'm having a hard time.5
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Watching IT crowd AGAIN after seeing a joke my brother didn't understand. Lol. (A fire? At a sea parks?)
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When it comes to the idea of programming and magic, or the comparison between software developers/engineers, computer scientists etc as magicians or wizards, nothing brings the idea much more close to hearth than the C programming language.
A while ago I read the R.A Salvatore books concerning Drizzt, the dark elf. I loved the books, have not continued reading them but I remember them vividly. There was one book in which a human magician came about wielding extremely explosive magic, humans were capable of channeling large amounts of it through explosive and unwieldly ends.
This is the same feeling I get from C
Consider:
int items[] = {1, 2, 3};
printf("Third : %i\n", 3[items]);
and fuck me if shit like the above is not dangerous, it makes sense, arrays have the first items of it server as the pointer address to a first element, doing the above operation returns the third element of the array of 3. But holy shit if I don't think this is dangerous and interesting as fuck
there are many more examples I have that I am finding through me fucking around with: language development (compiler, interpreter), kernel programming as well as net sec. C is the most powerful and devastating thing we have in our hands indeed.7 -
Oh, gather 'round fellow wizards of the code realm! 🧙✨ Let me regale you with the epic tale of software sorcery and the comical misadventures that come with it! 🤪🎉
So there we are, facing the dreaded Internet Explorer dragon 🐉 - an ancient, stubborn beast from the era of dial-up connections and clipart-laden websites. It breathes fire on our carefully crafted layouts, turning them into a pixelated disaster! 🔥😱
And then, the grand quest of cross-browser testing begins! 🚀🌍 One moment, your website is a shining knight in Chrome's armor, and the next, it's a jester in Safari's court. A circus of compatibility struggles! 🎪🤹
CSS, the arcane art of cascading style sheets, is our magic wand. But oh, the incantations can be treacherous! A slight misstep and your buttons start disco dancing, and your text transforms into a microscopic mystery! 🕺👀
But fear not, brave developers! We wield the enchanted sword of Stack Overflow and the shield of Git version control. We shall slay bugs and refactor with valor! ⚔️🐞
In this enchanted land, documentation is the mystical parchment, often written in the cryptic dialect of ancient monks. "This function doeth stuff, thou knoweth what I meaneth." 📜😅
And meetings, oh the meetings! 🗣️🤯 It's like a conference of babbling brooks in the forest of Jargon. "Let us discuss the velocity of the backlog!" 🌿🐇
But amidst the chaos, we code on! Armed with our emojis and a bubbling cauldron of coffee, we persist. For we are the wizards and witches of the digital age, conjuring spells in Python and brewing potions in Java. 🐍☕
Onward, magical beings of code! 🚀 May your bugs be few, and your merges conflict-free! 🙌🎩3 -
Okay, Google. Stop this.
I'm very upset. Drive applications have gotten slower and slower over time on every single browser that isn't chromium based. This isn't their fault. You can't make your application, that tons of institutions pay for, gradually slower on every browser that's not yours. This never used to be a problem, and now it affects everyone *but you*. It's highly suspicious given your track record with YouTube. Hidden div over the video to prevent hardware optimization. What the hell?
You used to be the only big 4 company I had some trust left in. Over the last few months, I've lost it.11 -
I was talking to a friend about the current state of machine learning through tensorflow and commented about the use of Javascript as a language.
He discarded the idea as he views Javascript as something that should only be used as a frontend technology rather than something to build backends or deep learning models.
I am thorn. I have always liked Javascript but will admit that I have used it mostly in the area of front end with very few backend instances(i did create a full stack intranet app in Express once, major success for the application it was hosting, it was a very basic api which had its own nosql db with no need to interact with the company's relational data, it was perfect for the occasion and still help maintaining it from time to time)
My boi states that node's biggest issue has always been npm and the quality of packages. I always contradict those statements by saying that if one uses community standards and the best packages then one does not need to worry about the quality(i.e mongoose over some unmaintained mongo wrapper etc)
I sometimes catch myself finding that my way of thinking adapts better to JS than it even does Python (which is his preference for deep learning) and whilst there are some beastly packages for python in terms of quality and usefulness such as matplotlib etc that one can do great things with the equivalent JS.
I mean, tensorflow.js came from the same wizards that did tensorflow (obviously) and i find the functional approach of JS to be more on par with how we develop solutions.
I am no deep learning expert, and sadly I have no professional experience with machine learning. But I venture to say that we should not cast aside the great strides that the JS community has done to the language in terms of evolution and tooling. Today's Js is not your grandaddy's Js and thinking that the language is crippled because of early iterations of the language would be severely biased.
What do you guys(maybe someone with professional experience) think of Js as a language for machine learning?
Do you think the language poses something worth considering in terms of tooling and power for ml?2 -
I’m one of those who learned in adulthood. I had lost track of my life and tried to find something to grasp on to. I found inspiration from two friends I have. One who’s been a very gifted software engineer since his early years, and the other who one day unexpectedly turned to university and computer science and started a good work life right away after the studies. After failing miserably at my previous attempt at university I decided to jump ship and give CS a try. It was the best decision of my life. To my surprise programming very much matched many of my personality traits and how I think and make desicions in games and everyday life. After my first few lectures It all came very intuitively to me. Then thruout most of my education (and this is one of my less ”grown up” thoughts) it felt as though I could as well have been a student at Hogwarts and my professors were witches and wizards. Anything was possible and each day we learned new tricks to create the unimaginable. That aside, I now work as a software engineer, but I feel as though the list of things left to learn is endless. I don’t think I’ll ever stop learning.
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Weird thought.
Everyone seems to hate electron. It's one of the strongest cross platform developing environments though, so everyone uses it.
Google recently made 2 new platforms, flutter and dart, designed for cross platform applications... but then why is project fuschia's entire UI built in, you guessed it, dart and flutter?
I think Google is trying to make an electron replacement, endorse and grow it in fuschia, and have it grow as the new (resource friendlier) electron.
Of course, only my ramblings. Take with a grain of salt.5 -
Oracle, please get your crap together.
If you really wanted to make an amazing replacement for Java swing, you could have made the scene builder application for javafx not crash every 15 minutes on macOS. Seriously. I can't go more than a half hour without it freezing up and/or having the window disappear, never to open again. I get that it's a complicated program, but it's 10 YEARS OLD. It should have been stable by now.4 -
!rant just a question. Sorry in advance for the long post.
I've been working in IT in Windows infrastructure and networking side of things for my entire career (5years) and recently was hired for a role working with AWS.
We use Macs and we use *nix distros for days. I've only ever dabbled for 'funsies' before with Linux because every previous job I held was a Windows house and f*** all else.
I'm just wondering if anyone here might have some insights as to a great way to learn the Linux environment and to learn it the right way. I'm not the best Windows admin ever and will never claim to be, but I have seen stuff that other people have done that makes me want to swing a brick at someone's head. And I feel that with all of the setup wizards and the "We'll just do it for you." approach that Windows has used since forever it allowed enough wiggle room for people that didn't know what they were doing to f*** sh*t up royally. I'm not familiar enough with Linux to know if this is also a common problem. I know that having literal full-access to every file in your OS can cause a n00b like myself to mess up royal, thus the question about learning Linux the right way.
I vaguely understand the organization of the folders and file structure within Linux, and I know some very basic commands.
sudo rm -rf /*
Just kidding
But All of my co-workers at my new job are like mighty oaks of knowledge while I'm a tiny sapling. And at times I've been intimidated by how little I know, but equally motivated to try and play catch-up.
In addition to all of this, I really want to start learning how to program. I've tried learning multiple times from places like codecademy.com, YouTube tutorials, and codeschool.com but I feel like I'm missing the lesson that explains why to use a certain operation instead of another. Example: if/else in lieu of a switch.
I'm also failing to get the concept of syntax in certain languages I've tried before. Java comes to mind real fast.
The first language I tried teaching myself was C++ from YouTube. I ended up having a fever dream that night about coding and woke up in a cold sweat. Literally, like brain overload or something. I was watching tutorials for like 9 hours straight.
Does anyone know of a training resource that will explain, in terms a 5 year old would understand, what the code is doing and why? I really want to learn but I'm starting to lose steam cause I'm just not getting it.
Thank you in advance for any tips guys and gals. I really appreciate it. Sorry for the ridiculously long questions.5 -
I just interviewed the guy who is interested in my Linux SysAdmin position. He's really cool and I think he'll get the job, but he is a Windows admin actually. (No problem, since he'll work with me for three month's as a mentoring program and it's supposed for him to learn the stuff)
My question to all other Linux Witchers and Witches out there, do you know a mighty spell to seal his windows daemon away, such that he's able to resist the sore temptation by my co-workers (windows enthusiasts)?2 -
my professor expects a full copyright documentation as well as pre post return and other conditions on top of every function in our entire project and she gave us a week to do it. Note that this is in rails. Please help me.9
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Excel literally has internal support for treating other excel workbooks as SQL databases, encouraging end-users to do that instead of using MS Access properly, and *it doesn't even work*.5
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Alike wizards are frowned upon to use magic in front of muggles, we developers are to do the same with our programming jokes.
Those muggles shit never get my sorting jokes 😒😒4 -
More and more declining respect for programmers, unrealistic expectations from managers, and worse and worse code as everyone becomes dependent on taking modern hardware for granted.
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Just found a crystal subreport with 33 shared variables. For those who don't know what that is (lucky), they're super global variables that exist everywhere.
Please send help. I'm supposed to refactor this...19 -
Whoever made the Crystal Reports language, screw you and your silent syntax errors. Sincerely, guy stuck maintaining reports.5
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Popular opinion: AI is nothing more than complicated algorithms that no one appreciated before and probably never will. 99.9% of all coding would be AI if mainstream media had their way.5
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The development life cycle when taking over a project is much like that of a slightly retarded wizards first steps into utilizing the powers of the dark forces.
CONFUSION => CLARITY => FAILURE => CONFUSION => CONFUSION => BROKEN KEYBOARD => CONFUSION => UNKNOWN MAGIC => SUCCESS => CONFUSION => BORED OF THIS IT FUCKING WORKS => PUSH => SHUTDOWN -
I was refactoring a 4000 lines JavaScript file, turning whatever I could into components. It was a pretty old project that I ended up being one of the few wizards to actually know how most of it works.
At one point, I noticed that login into a user account redirected us to the dev-test server, even when working on a local Docker container.
I never quite understood the issue, but ended up having the bug mysteriously disappear.
Until it came back two months later, then disappeared again.
At one point, all of the dev team on the project (four developers, me included, and one project manager) was investigating the issue, and we never figured out how or why this was happening.
Just Symfony routes shenanigans I guess.15 -
Years ago, I would go on forever with my personal projects. I got so much stuff done I almost couldn't believe it. Today, I just can't. My mental health the last 2 or so years has made me lose interest in everything and i can't even describe how much I hate it. What are you supposed to do when a recruiter asks you why you haven't done much the past 2 years? Say you had mental health problems? Sure they're not allowed to discriminate because of mental health concerns, but they do. I feel like I have to lie on the US disability form, no matter how minor the problem is for the company and little it affects my work ethic. But then, when I'm late more than most because I barely slept or couldn't will myself to get up in the morning, now i can't explain myself.
If anyone here does recruiting or interviewing, please realize that happy face we show at an interview is sometimes a mask for deeper problems we feel we can't admit because we won't be hired. I hate that terrible events made my already inbalanced neurotransmitters worse, but that doesn't mean I will be a worse employee. Please look at me for my skills and enthusiasm for software engineering. That one detail shouldn't be what makes you say no.1 -
SO sucks.
I'm looking for a community there I can learn good code practices through code review, but getting into a huge established open source project is really intimidating. Anyone have any good suggestions? My skill set is mostly Java and go2 -
I spent 13 hours on a class project using c only to not finish because malloc had a mind of its own and kept segfaulting with errno 16, or "resource busy". Fml.6
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The database dude: yeah it gets saved as a string.
*me sets up preg_match for a string*
Database 'guru': we tried entering the data in the form and we are getting an error. Fix it!
Turns out it's being saved by id.
Data wizards my ass -
Yubikey: Worth it?
I'm a college student with way too many logins and offend reusing passwords. I also do password semantics research at the institution and know how useless they are.4 -
Microsoft, why did you put a index base modifier command into VBA if 2/3 of your built in libraries ignore it?
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Just office things.
"Yes Dr, we do cover the corpse as part of our policy if such a case occurs."
Something about the corpse falling off a gurney and breaking something from what I could tell. Granted, it's dead already. People love to sue. -
Whoever wrote this line of code... please take on a different profession.
`else if len(LEFT({ODWR_CLAIMSNAPSHOT.POLICY_TYPE}, 3)) > 0 then`6 -
Manjaro has some quirks that annoy me(no MST timezone, spotty support for my WD NVME), so I decided that since I'm not interested in any pre-configured graphical desktop of any kind, I should just dive into Arch, since it increasingly felt like that's what I was doing anyway but with Manjaro to dull the blow. So I did, and I am over the moon for doing so. Lots of gnashed teeth, but DDG indexes an answer to every question I've had, and it always makes sense when I find it. I've enjoyed having to dive into systemd in a much more low-level way than ever before-- to actually LEARN what it's doing, how, and why.
But one by one, I have been faced with some issue that I need to resolve, and one by one, I've knocked them off. The result now is the best work and gaming desktop I have ever used.
Arch is not for geniuses or wizards. Just patient people who are willing to read. The payoff is staggering, and many times over worth the effort.4 -
I saw this clip the other day, and it made me think of frontend validation vs backend validation.
I firmly believe we developers can be thought of as wizards.
https://youtu.be/razcLU241241 -
My patience for making guis has completely died, and it's making my open source work... fustrating. Tried QT, tried GTK+, tried swing, and JavaFX. Can't tell if I just suck at it or I'm on to something.
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<3 VS-CODE (:
It's like having a customized tool , well a weapon in that sense 😂😂 Developers like to think of themselves as wizards (including me) and every wizard needs their wands 😋😋3 -
Anyone have keyboard recommendations below $50 USD? I can't stand the one my office provides anymore. Flipping thing is a $10 piece of garbage that comes with the computers. Note that noise is an issue.16
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So here I am, in a summer course for IMM introduced in JavaScript. I knew I wasn't going to be a fan of the insane junk it does. I just didn't expect to see it IMMEDIETLY.
var size = 1;
#ps5.js draw loop
size += 1;
print(size);
1 -
Sometimes I wonder if actors who play wizards or superbeings feel stupid waving their hands for CG lightning bolts
Then I remember all the kung fu poses and punches and shrieks I do when I solve a hard bug -
Started using Django today after working with rails for a long time. I like it so much more already.5
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sap_crystal_reports_crash_count++;
fustration++;
anger++;
hatred_for_sap++;
// Every time a report crashes, it doesn't free the
// resources until the whole machine crawls to a
// halt. Why.1 -
There's no good way to describe the feeling of fixing a bug but having no idea how you did it. You stash, hard reset, toy around, fix it again... and still don't know what you did, but decide, "Eh. Whatever I guess."
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That moment you remember that yesterday you said "that's a tomorrow me problem" and you're that tomorrow you.1
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Followup to https://devrant.com/rants/2178597/...
It gets worse.
`if len(Replace({ODWR_CLAIMSNAPSHOT.LIMIT_DESCR}, '/', '-')) > 0`5 -
Okay, legit.
I have protanopia (red color blindness) and red text on a screen is always difficult to focus my eyes on. It's like I have different focal points for the screen in general and red text. Is this just a me thing, or am I onto something?12 -
I simplified 7 functions down to a blob because it was truly unreadable and fragmented. As I did it, I thought there was no way I did it right. This can't be the logic. Nope. It is.
Yeah, the formatting could be better. End of the shift so that's a tomorrow thing.
10 -
Working with Crystal reports, getting ready to deploy my changes. Guess what? My tiny changes to output has successfully broken 12 other fields, and 1 that is in absolutely no way related! Comes right from the database!
And it's crystal, so there's no debugger or logging. Plus, the report takes an hour to run! Today's gonna be a fun one!6 -
I want to set up a basic "starter pack" for new colleagues with monitor, keyboard and mouse (for their desk at the office). I basically manage all IT at work, and we're a relatively small company, so I can decide pretty much whatever I want. What's your recommendations, primarily on monitors? We're talking for normal people here, not wizards like us.2
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The 'geniuses' at Business doesn't seem to figure out why all of their systems turn out to be dogshit and outdated within a year or two.
Its because they don't even involve developers/IT into ANY of theirs decisions.
It's kinda like the patient telling the brainsurgeon how to do their job.
Hey, I get it. We are a bunch of antisocial wizards conjuring black magic at our computers all day. I would stay the fuck away from us if I were you aswell, but please for the love of Cthulhu, let us in on your great plans and amazing decisions before assigning blame.
Regards,
Th3 h3ckerz at IT
1 -
I couldn't find a program for this so I'm making one. Cli based. Have a json object you need to unmarshal in golang? Yeah I was getting tired AF making structs for all of them with the json tag name over and over, so I'm mid way through a python script that generates the structs for you. I'll link it here when I'm done.
And if you're wondering why python? Dynamic object definitions. That's why it's trouble in go in the first place.3 -
grrgerefaeornvadfvnafvalfbv!!!!!!! *smashes keyboard*
Crystal reports, when given a null value into a display string, will just ignore everything and output a blank.3 -
If there existed a framework like pytest for other languages, would you use it?
If that framework made those tests part of the documentation to show how the system works, would you be more likely to?2
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