@dfox I just double tapped a rant to ++ it and then, after I double tapped, I got this:

At ATM

Options
- cash only
- cash and balance
- cash and receipt
- cash and balance and receipt

Choice
- cash only

Questions
- would you like to see your balance

Then
- would you like a receipt

IF I WANTED A FUCKING RECEIPT OR TO FUCKING CHECK MY BALANCE THEN I WOULD HAVE MADE THAT CHOICE WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED ME. YOU FUCKING CUNT.

I EXPLICITLY CHOSE “CASH ONLY” SO JUST FUCKING ASK ME HOW MUCH I WANT TO WITHDRAW AND THEN LET ME GET THE FUCK ON WITH MY BASTARDING DAY!!

Every new product these days has the tag line "powered by AI"

FUCK OFF

No it isn't.

A mass of "if" statements isn't AI!

Watched the Winter Olympics opening ceremony where they have 1200 drones flying in unison to make amazing shapes in the sky with lights. Truly astonishing. It took a large team weeks / months to prepare.

BBC commentator “wow that must have taken someone hours”

Fuck you you dumb fuck ignorant cunt. It’s oxygen thiefs like you that put so much pressure on dev teams to do monumental tasks in ridiculous amounts of time.

If you don’t understand what you’re talking about then don’t talk!

Modern development methodologies:

SDD - sales driven development.
TDD - torture driven development.
BDD - bug driven development.
CPDD - copy&paste driven development.

Tv gold on NCIS: Los Angeles tonight.

Summarised:

Need access to laptop
Laptop has unhacksble security protocols
Laptop gets shot
Damage from being shot allowed them to hack it

Morale of the story. Bullets can damage code.

I have a new car that drives itself to a certain degree.

However if you take your hands off of the steering wheel, after 15 seconds it starts shouting at you to put your hands back on the steering wheel.

SO imagine you’re the developer.

You can recognise when someone’s hands aren’t on the wheel.

Why might that be the case? The driver is sleeping, dead or otherwise incapacitated.

Appropriate response?

1) slow the car down to a stop?
2) just turn off self steering so the car veers into oncoming traffic.

Yes you guessed correctly - it’s option 2!

For the love of fuck. Surely the better option would be to keep the thing steering but slow it to a stop.

#developeritus

In general, people who are “easily offended”... can fuck right off.

You what's been pissing me off this week. The press and social media coverage of this Google guy's gender memo.

Almost every outlet has him saying:

"Women are inferior coders because of their biology"

He ABSOLUTELY does not say this anywhere. He only states that basically less women are attracted to the industry. He doesn't comment at all on the quality of the Women who do go into tech.

It astonishes me the utter ignorance of the media and how they can just print these ignorant errors / lies.

I would wager that most if not all of them never even read his memo.

I am really fucked off by this social media keyboard warrior driven world we live in.

Apparently we value freedom of speech and freedom of expression above all else... UNLESS you say something that pisses off the social media justice warriors. In that case you will be publicly crucified and your life / career will be destroyed.

The annoying thing is in this particular case he didn't even say what they are saying he did.

So... some guy at the company I work for complains to software dept that we've broken his app.

He's saying we've removed the drop down list from this field he uses....

We're all like... there's never been a drop down list there?!

it escalates and some big-dogs get involved. One of us has to go out and see him. Turns out the "drop down list" was his browsers saved autocomplete history, and he had changed browsers.

Asshole.

Why are there so many rude cunts on stack overflow?

Experiencing it right now.

As I type this I am sat in hospital having lost power to my hands over the weekend.

I work a day job, I have my own startup that I’m working on and I’m also freelancing on another startup.

Just been diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. It sucks. My hands feel about as a strong as a particularly weak 4 year old girl.

I wanted a computer for my Christmas. Must have been 1987 and I just have been about 8.

A few days before Xmas my aunt gave me a card with £5 in it. I asked my dad “dad, if I was getting a computer I could use the £5 to buy a game”

My dad explained to me that we couldn’t afford it and maybe next year.

Woke up the next morning to a shiny new Commodore 64 AND my own little tv.

Never been happier.

Whoever thought huge open plan offices were a good idea needs shot in the fucking face with a brick-gun

If you sometimes meet an asshole, that’s fine.

If everyone you meet is an asshole, it’s you that’s the asshole.

Another stack overflow rant.

I had a disagreement with a self proclaimed "high repper" last night. We exchanged words in the comments of one of my questions.

Later (about ten mins) i see that another one of my questions has been closed and marked as duplicate - by this same fuck-knuckle. He has obviously gone to my profile and then gone out of his way to harass / bully me by doing this.

The 2 questions are absolutely not duplicates and he has marked them as identical.

I go to his profile and his headline thing is

"Low reppers hate closers but they need to go bitch about it elsewhere"

If anyone on here doesn't understand why SO gets a bad rap, it's specifically due to complete cunts like this guy.

If you happen to be on here and recognise yourself from the really cringy "low reppers" comment on your profile, then all I have to say to you is that you are a complete an utter ballbag; a tool; an arsehole of the highest order.

Fuck you and all your spawn.

I wish people would stop claiming their product is an AI when it isn’t.

Guy on product hunt today says his name generator is an AI. This is how he describes the process:

- first it passes your input keywords through fasttext

- we get a random sampling of the top 100 or so words most related to your input keywords

- the top words are used as the dictionary input to a markov chain word generator, which generates 10~15000 random words

- the results are passed again through fasttext, we take the cosine distance of the resulting word to your input keywords (by using the out-of-vocab feature of fasttext)

- the top 100 most relevant results are returned

Online ads....

I think the problem is that in the age of "AI" and "machine learning" etc etc - the reality is that targeted or personalised advertising is absolutely shite.

All I see when I browse around are ads for things that I bought. It's like - I FUCKING BOUGHT THIS WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL IT TO ME??!

I think anyone worried about the machine uprising enslaving humanity can relax and not worry about it, at least until amazon can understand when it has sold you something or you just looked at something.

I’m reluctant to comment on the github / Microsoft thing because to be honest, the way a lot of people are reacting to it is just completely retarded, and it’s had far too much airtime.

Anyway... if you’re gonna leave GitHub because they’ve been acquired by Microsoft, then just shut up and leave. No one gives a fuck. Least of all anyone at Microsoft, because you’re probably not paying for anything there anyway.

Just fucking go to bitbucket or gitlab already... however I bet the vast majority don’t end up leaving.

Launched my product yesterday. Been working hard on it for a year.

Got a bunch of day 0 signups from all over the world. I’m super delighted. Then I see a bunch of them “broken” in my database.

I dig in and... long story short:

Twilio are cunts. I thought they were a world beater. THEEE messaging api on the market.

Well it turns out you can’t sms North American numbers without setting up special provisions.

I can sms fucking Botswana and Ghana and Iceland and fucking KUWAIT (I actually got a member from Kuwait), but Twilio can’t fucking sms A-CUNTING-MERI-FUCKING-CA

Which distro did you get?

AAAAAARRRRGGHHHH FUUUCKKER!!!

The new MacBook Pro with touchbar is ABSOLUTELY SHITE.

I can't tell you how many times I have accidentally touched the escape key with my pinky while typing. Also accidentally touched "send" while in apple Mail halfway through writing something.

Apple clearly did no user testing with this as I have googled around and many folk are having the same frustrations.

I've just typed a massive note into jira and towards the end my pinky hit the escape key and I lost everything!!

FUCK CUNT BASTARD WANK!!!

@dfox and @trogus

I’m quite into lean development, sorry... “Lean Development” and I can’t help but notice your users are trying to tell you something by their actions.

I keep skimming past posts where a user is @‘ed in the main rant.

Then either themselves or someone else will @ those people in the first or second comment as @ing doesn’t work on the main body.

I understand you have your reasons but in the spirit of lean, MVP, build measure learn etc etc

Shouldn’t you accept the behaviour of least resistance and implement the functionality in the main rant body?

Because you’re not stopping anyone from @ing folk, you’re just making it more annoying to do so.

This meme says it all

When rough estimates become hard deadlines... 👌

Stakeholder: I need to know if these changes are possible.

Me: they should be. I’ll speak with the team.

Stakeholder: ok good because they just finished filming the TV ad for it.

.......

Why even ask?

Stakeholder today. Guy is a flat out turbo cunt. I was listing various things that are not complete yet and he’s like “I could do that in an hour!!”

Could you though, fucko? Could you?

Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.

I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’

He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’

REALLY?!

IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!

THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.

I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?

“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”

THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!

Wank.

You know what does my fucking head in?

Designers or developers who shit on Twitter bootstrap because of something to do with how it looks.

Bootstrap is a framework. Not a theme.

If I can look at your site and tell, just by looking, that you’ve used bootstrap, then you’re a lazy developer / designer.

A site / app should look like how it was designed by the designer (even if that’s you). It SHOULDN’T look like the default version of the css framework you’ve used.

Unfortunately it's same old same old.

Deadline approaching, changes keep coming in.

Deadline gets extended due to influx of change requests. Director says "ah the deadline is put back, that means we can add in even more functionality"

Anyone got a cyanide pill handy?

When your front end guy hates life or alternately, when border-radius goes wrong.

It must be exhausting for people in 2018 to always be on the hunt for something to be outraged or offended about.

Started using visual studio code last night for PHP development. So far I’m liking it a lot. The number of plugins available is ridiculous.

This awesome experience from Apple highly encouraged me to read their 80,000,000 word terms and conditions.

Note to others: if I start a sentence with “with all due respect....”

What that means is “you’re a fucking arsehole”

Finished the hacktober fest yesterday.. fastest 5 PRs I've ever made on my repos, I actually forgot to sign up at the beginning of the month.. I pity those who are following me.

Because I’m a fucking cowboy and a charlatan, and because I hate sleep and despise feeling refreshed and happy, I’m working pretty much full time as a contractor (I’m the full stack dev. I do everything) on a (well funded) startup alongside my day job.

Tonight I had to make some quick (lol “quick”) changes to a core piece of the platform.

Now before continuing please refer back to the first line of this rant.

So instead of writing new functionality, I copied and pasted another section.

I renamed all references of “new_order” to, cleverly “new_order2”.

I know.

I deploy to production...

My phone starts blowing up. In short, everything is fucked.

I’m going over the query, checking the production database. Why is this manifesting like this? It all looks correct.

2 HOURS of broken sales, pissed off customers, pissed off service agents and I see that there was still one reference of “new_order” that should have been “new_order2”.

I am a piece of shit.

I confess I’m one of those smug people right now who’s never had a Facebook account. Why?

Although I do have privacy concerns, I’m not on Facebook because I truly, genuinely, honestly, legitimately do not give a single flying Monkey’s fuck about what you or anyone else gets up to on your own time.

I don’t care. I have no interest. And I have even less interest in telling others what I’m doing.

I fucking hate people.

I don’t get marketing directors. They basically get paid a ton of money to pay an agency to do their job.

I mean... my mum could pick up the phone to an agency and say “make me a campaign for this”.

What’s worse is when said marketing director comes over to the tech people and starts asking questions, and you KNOW he’s only asking them because someone at the agency he’s hired has asked him the same question.

And then sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for them. Imagine being a marketing person... imagine being a useless cunt and knowing everyone knows it..,

Cs101 - a 3 hour Friday morning lecture. 1st at uni doing computer science. Half asleep. I'm awoken by the professor

"You at the back - what's the answer!"

Alarmed but not too bothered I just say "I don't know"

He replies "yes you do! We just went over it"

I say I really don't know. Someone behind me says "64". So I say "64".

Professor sighs and says "no - 2 to the power 8 is 256!"

He never liked me after that.

When you see what worked for someone else with a similar issue on GitHub and run it.

Trust me, I hope I know what I'm doing too.

You should be able to rate people on LinkedIn, or leave reviews.

The number of absolute fucking idiots I’ve worked with over the years who are on there and whose bios read great, is shocking.

It’s like... wait this guy’s page reads like he’s a total hero.... but in actuality he’s s completely useless fuck-nugget.

“Stop starting, start finishing”

My place be like

“Never stop starting”

Delivering next 6 month’s product roadmap to CEO, other directors and senior management.

I know it’s all going to change.

They know it’s all going to change.

I know they know.

They know I know.

No words are spoken.

Looking at one particular job ad

“Experience with agile”
“Excellent knowledge of agile frameworks”
“Work with agile software development team”

Basically in the first few paragraphs it mentions agile about 10 times.

Then the first bullet point in the essential column

“Must have experience working to tight deadlines”

D’oh

I installed ios11 beta.

Will I never learn?!

I wish people on the radio and news would stop saying "cyber".

I was just about to post on here asking for a final round of beta testers for my web app before launch, and just before I hit “post” I thought of a massive issue.

FUCKING CUNTSTICK

At work I use C# / .net but outside work I use PHP / Laravel.

I notice they are very similar.

Also .net used “razor”

Laravel uses “blade” - “razor blade”

Is there some sort of overlap between .net and laravel I’m not aware of?

Asking other people for their opinion.

I really *REALLY* need to stop doing that.

Fuck you, autocorrect.

If I type the same thing, the exact god damn same cunting thing, multiple times will you just fucking accept that I am actually intending to write that word and move on?!

You fucking cunt!

“Isn’t it just a button?”

No it’s not. It’s never JUST a button, you fucking toad. Please die.

@busuu is this yours?

Changed my username. This seems more appropriate.

Formerly GigaMick

Testing a brand new build on production FTW 👍

!rant

My laptop just died for the third time.

Need to buy a new one. Not a mac.

Linux machine with 15" screen, sdd, usb c, with 8gb ram and a graphics processor.

Suggestions?

Imposter syndrome. I’m SICK of hearing people say that they have imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome literally means that you are good at your job but you BELIEVE you are a fraud / not worthy / are going to get “found out”.

By self identifying as having imposter syndrome, then by definition that means you in fact DO NOT have imposter syndrome.

If you DID have imposter syndrome then you would just think you were bad at your job.

Get one of the 2 startups I’m involved with (one is 100% my own project, other is with co-founders) into a state that will allow me to quit the day job.

Public test of an assignment I had to do

I’m not an Apple fan boy but I do use their products and respect their business ethos.

I was please when I saw this as part of my software update today.

Before the haters start hating, if you use a google device or use Facebook then you already don’t have a leg to stand on.

Take a shit on someone’s pizza and then closed the lid over and left it on their desk.

So our HR have recently started to enforce arrival/departure time while also giving us a room for freedom (we can be at work from 7:30 till 9:00 and leave accordingly from 4:30-6:00)
So 2 weeks ago my manager asked me why on a date I didn't checkout/checkin, I looked out in my vacation log and sure enough it was a day off. I said to myself maybe be ause this day was requested last year they didn't remember it no problem
Anyway fast forward to today and my manager asked me why on the 25th of January I left (early) at 1?
What? I don't remember leaving early except for one day last week (Feb 7-personal reasons and was requested days before)
So i check my vacation log to see if I forgot something and i see that Jan 25 is a Saturday. We don't work on Saturdays! I go and check with my manager telling him that.
Then it hits me. I checked my taxi app and on Sat Jan 25 I had a ride at 1:22 AM!! from work to home. Yes i remembered that on that day I had to stay late for a project
WTF HR??!
Sorry for the long post

Trying to be agile and employ modern best practices in a decades old traditional super-corp.

I feel like head butting a large nail

Kuber-fucking-netes

I built a basic MVP for a client as a proof of concept for his startup. It was a quick thing just to prove a point do I rattled it out in procedural php.

Sadly it was successful and has somewhat taken off. It’s also grown arms and legs.

It works. The user will never know, but the code is SHIT. I never thought it would still be here.

I’m want to re-write it now in laravel.

But...... ugh

When did devrant launch?

@dfox @trogus I work in a dept with hundreds of developers. I’m sure a lot of people on here do too.

Why isn’t there an “refer a friend” option on here? You know like the ability to invite someone to the community from within the app.

A senior member of the Business just came to my desk:

“Hey are we still cool to launch that thing in Monday?”

Me - “eeehhhhhh”

The feeling of sick in my stomach has not yet passed.

@dfox - SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!

When I was made redundant (business I was working for collapsed) 5 days before Xmas and 2 weeks before birth of my first child, with no pay, no redundancy package or anything.

Good times.

Bought a new tv. Over £1000 which is probably classed as mid range. However it's still a chunk of money.

It's my first experience with android since 2008.

It's still ABSOLUTELY SHITE!!!

Wish I'd gotten another TV now.

Monday FUCKING morning.

Here we go again.

++ if you have used Jira and liked it / found it valuable.

- - if you used it and didn’t like it.

When your server SSD is from 2142

Open plan office. Distraction hell.

Phones ringing. Endless people walking past. People talking shite nearby. Constant interruption in one form or another.

I worked for a company that was in entertainment news. Specifically rock music.

On the terrible night of the Battaclan (spelling?) terror attacks in Paris. Few years ago our site was one of the first to run the story (the main attack happened at a rock concert). Anyway the tech debt that we’d been complaining about for months reared it’s head. The site got so much traffic that it was just fucked all night. Literally couldn’t get the databases back up for about 7 straight hours.

Any sort of video conferencing.

Every time. EVERY TIME. Is always a hassle. It’s always, ALWAYS shite.

Sometimes for personal projects (and one client gig) I use the same database for local development and production.

Why?

Because I am a piece of shit.

Today.

Client: “can you make this last minute change to something fundamental?” (Paraphrased)

Me: “yes it’s doable but a major pain in the ass at this late stage”

Client: “great! Well if it’s just a quick change sit tight in it just now and i’ll let you know tomorrow if it’s to go ahead”

Me: “is this real life?”

Is Signal the best messenger for privacy and security loving people?

I like building large apps in flat php.

I get bullied for not using OOP / Frameworks.

I don't like this.

Asshole marketing director again.

We’ve just finished a bit of work with some marketing agency. They ran some ad campaigns for us, no biggie.

Anyway marketing director emails them, copies me in and asks them if the have any “tips on our approach to development”

AAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

The things that happen when you don’t have a fucking meat cleaver in your hand. I swear this guy is the fucking King of Cunts. I could kill. I think the jail time might even be worth it!!

Fuck you CNET!

Their app auto plays video ads WITH VOLUME even when THE PHONE IS FUCKING MUTED!!!!!!!

Those days where you start to think of leaving a good job and a great team because of one insufferable cunt.

This is inspired from another rant I just commented on.

Would you rather build something that was technically pristine and something other coders would salivate over, but no-one used it

OR

build a hacky mess that was shit technically but became a “hit” with users.

Found this gem while searching for some poll data about the apocalypse

When some complete Fuck-Knuckle marks your question as a duplicate on Stackoverflow and doesn't link to the duplicate.

Non technical Co-founder comes up with some batshit crazy idea and says it’s Agile because he thinks that means you’re not allowed to argue with it.

Dumb people are dumb.

I am getting hugely fucked off with the new captchas that are everywhere (well hardly new but I swear they’ve gotten worse).

I’m taking longer to do captchas now than I am to post on forums.

I want to find the guy who came up with this and break my fist off of his cunt.

Where is the best place to pick up freelance work that actually pays a realistic amount?

I’ve been on sites like o-desk where there are folks looking for pretty big jobs and they have a budget of $100.

Thoughts needed.

I’ve a client who wants the CTA (call to action) on his homepage - a button - to be the same colour as the background. The only way it won’t be invisible is because their will be drop shadow on it.

He thinks this will increase conversion. I think he’s insane.

Thoughts?

My app is finally on the Apple App Store.

The rant: how bloody difficult was it to get on there?! They scrutinise EVERYTHING. My promo copy, my screengrabs and also it seems that there is code that works on iPhone that doesn’t work on iPad.

I thought it was designed to be the same for ease of development? However I found a function that works perfectly well on iPhone but breaks iPad.

Anyway I guess in the long run this keeps the App Store’s quality level high and it isn’t the Wild West like the google play store. However it’s still pretty annoying. I can see why devs get angry about Apple’s process.

So roughly 2 years?

I want to be free of “The Man” and running my own company.

Wouldn’t like to be VISAs CTO today.

I want to launch my own think tank and employ some the great devs I've worked with over the years.

No clients or stakeholders. Just us, building and releasing stuff.

Opinion:

Launching a SaaS in beta. UK based but I feel we should have default currency as USD. Causing some divide. Thoughts? Don't have geo-location / logic done yet.

When you explain thoroughly and in no uncertain terms that yes you can help your mate out at short notice by building a working prototype of his app, but that it won't even be MVP. It will be bare bones functionality with no design, almost no styling, no images, no color - but it will work in so much that it will do what it needs to do to show that it's possible.

Then he sees it and goes "it doesn't look great, can it not animate or at least have nice images and a color palette. Would it be possible to have filters on the search or I dunno, just make it look a bit more finished?"

Me: nope, but if you want I can delete the whole thing?

My team has a huge, high priority project to make a very complex system a lot more simple.

It has to follow the same rules as the current system and do everything it does.

Can I kill myself now?

Trying to buy a domain on sedo but the guy is looking for $8000!!

What planet is he on it’s 2018 and the domain is quite niche. It’s not exactly pizza.com

Cunts be crazy!

I’ve been asked to step in and help out with a flailing project.

First day of getting acclimatised I see there’s over 100 tasks in WIP. 4 devs in the team.

Holy cunting fuck. Where do I start?

!rant

@dfox @trogus

I just watched the "die bastard die" cartoon and have to say it's fucking excellent.

I never actually laugh out loud at these things, but this made me piss myself a little bit.

Well played.

Not a rant.

How many members and daily active users does devrant have? I feel like it's a sleeping giant.

@dfox and @trogus - you guys could be sitting on a fortune.

Would anyone willing to give my new web app a test run email me at hello@songbox.rocks

nothing in it for you but a "thanks" and the warm glow of finding all my mistakes I'm afraid.

To be able to telepathically peel the skin from unreasonable (or downright shithead) stakeholders.

!rant

I'm sorry for doing this:

Laravel or Symfony?

Finally getting around to binging Silicon Valley season 4.

It’s just fucking excellent.

!rant - what is everyone's take on React Native? I've been asked to put together a team to develop an MVP for a client. Rather than pull together an IOS and Android dev I was gonna get a React Native developer.

it's an on-demand service, will be looking to utilise Google Maps API, likely will sit on AWS and will also have a website where people can manage their account.

Given that it's an on-demand service there will also need to be a "user" side to it as well as a "service provider" side.

Do we think React Native is mature enough to handle this? I don't have much / any experience with it, but I'm hearing more and more - "Why don't you use react native?"

!rant

Thank the gods of code for Heroku

What's that? You committed the tmp/dist/cache field for something only YOU run locally and asked me to review it. Just GET OUT.

This thing. My C:\ drive is full, and I bought it almost a month ago. It's the solution to all my problems and my biggest nightmare (I need to do a clean install).

Working in an Agile software development department (12 dev teams, >100 developers) inside a very old school traditional business (15000 staff, several billion annual turnover) is an uphill struggle that I don’t know if I have the energy to persevere with.

New year is making me think I push the launch button on a product that I spent all of last year building.

For context I should add that I am a senior person / leader in the department so I have to deal with a lot of shit from the suits.

So you got new sdd and you want to try someone new slick distro. So you google slick distro and you find a blog.
You download 4 to 5 iso. Now you want to make a bootable pendrive, but you don't have pendrive. So you use your 1TB HDD. And you accidentally format the whole HDD. Now you install one by one all iso. You don't like single os you revert back to the original OS. And you have wasted your whole day.

List of distro I installed:
1) Deepin OS
2) Solus OS
3) Nitrux
4) Ubuntu 17.10
5) Pop OS (Orignal OS)

I just upgraded a large project from bootstrap 3 to bootstrap 4.

It was more annoying than I thought it was going to be.

I've never rejected a pull request, I just out in loads of comments with constructive criticism.

When shoukd you reject and when should you just sdd in comments?

New bossman is looking for KPIs.

We're an agile team who build a back end system for a large corporation. Specifically the system we build is used by the sales guys when they are putting through a sale. I have no idea where to start with KPIs.

Can't measure number of sales as that's down to the salesmen. Can't measure speed of sale as again that's down to the salesman and how much they chat.

Any ideas?

Honestly... just discipline. We're not addicts (unless any of you are I guess) but if you need to focus then just have a quiet word with yourself.

Don't go on Netflix or whatever social media brain dissolver that you subscribe to.

In the words of Mr LaBouf: just do it.

intuitive feature positioning

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKIIINNNNNNG FUUUCK!!!!!

Be confident
use buzzwords
know your shit.

So many applicants I've interviewed only tick the first two boxes.

Also, remember you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you.

Stakeholders

I spent the last 1.5 hours trying to optimize delivery of two 8.0KB JS files. It didn't work, at all tried like everything I could find. At the end I initialized it in angular json and made it load regardless. Made me realize that it is not made for optimization.

How do you know ML and AI has gone too far? You rely on the algorithm instead of the obvious.

Google will translate comments, etc. At times when you click on an English video to language around your location. This is so obvious, if I didn't understand English if would not have clicked on the video!!
#BringBackThePreMLdevs

I need to make a prototype. I've needed to make it for weeks. I need to have it made by the end of June.

Fuck you Netflix!

Fuck you right in the balls!

so my poor old hp bro is starting to give up on me after 3 years . there are both battery and performance issues. I knew its death was near when i got its keyboard replaced i saw its battery's state 6 months ago. it was fat as me . Now it can't live without the wire for more than 30 mins.

apart from that am getting frustrated with everyday performance of my system. all i open is 50 tabs of chrome and android studio where bitch gradle generates a billion byte sized files at million places and cache folders . (and sometimes a terminal and/or files and/or vscode).

I have decent specs tho i5 7th generation/8gb ddr4 ram/ 2gb nvidea graphics/ 1tb hdd. but still my ubuntu gets stuck everytime i switch between chrome and AS . (maybe i have not made correct swap partitions or maybe there is an issue due to ubuntu/windows dualboot)

what should i do ? I guess i have to spend some shit on a new battery. But apart from that, iwanted to know about performance. how to get a beter performance?

I have heard of solutions like getting an sdd or increasing ram, but am broke af and might not afford a 1tb ssd (yes i do need that much amount of memory, my system is currently at 650 something gb) and about ram i have heard it doesn't offer much improvements. is that true?What should i do?

Installed iOS 12 beta 1.

OBVIOUSLY it’s buggy, but as an early adopter I’m fine with that.

I’m loving the hugely enhanced privacy measures and the “screen time” feature which really breaks down your device usage into tangible data bites. It’s depressing to me when I see how often I pickup my phone, how often I’m on it, how many notifications an hour I get etc.

I’m really going to take advantage of these new tools to extremely minimise my phone usage.

I love the website for the Agile manifesto (agilemanifesto.org) is fucking horrific.

Only created an SDD today! Brain damage 0.2%

Any native app devs know if this is possible, before I go away and start messing about with shit.

I want to build a companion native app to my web app for the sole purpose of receiving in app push notifications.

So you set all the shit up on the web app and then the native app is just to get push messages. I currently send sms messages with the Twilio API but would rather the app solution.

When your legacy IT department does everything in its power to prevent a migration to AWS because it isn’t secure.

Question

Anyone here from Nashville, TN?

I’m blatantly begging...

Anyone have any google adwords promo codes they’re not gonna use?

!rant

Any ideas or tips on how to quickly hide the src of an audio file from the browser? Trying to quickly MVP something in 2 days.

I’m fucked off tonight.

I’m having to pull a very complex data set out of dB and loop through results in a table.

Easy, done, but one of the Columns I’m pulling out needs further broken down. It’s a comma delimited string.

I can’t get the data, and inside the same loop explode that string so that the contents can be handled independently.

Raging! I have foreach loops inside foreach loops and arrays inside objects that are inside arrays.

I’m going to bed furious.

Blade or twig?

And why.

Presented SDD and it turned out be amazingly screwed

What service do you need set for push notifications?

Mobbing.

Yay or nae?

Sun blinked today as I was drafting an SDD, who also witnessed that!

!rant - Does anyone know if there is like a stack overflow (basically a community) that is simply for dev discussion? Like recommendations etc? DevRant is kinda perfect but strictly speaking it's not a discussion community, it's for rants.

Can anyone recommend a tool I can use to allow my users to crop / position their profile images before they are submitted to s3?

I’m building in laravel but I’m guessing the best solution will be some JS library.

I’m really struggling with this.