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That moment when you are on terminal, you highlight text and press Ctrl+C, only to realize you have terminated a running job that was 90% complete.19
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My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn7
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Fuck off with your shit ass semicolon jokes. You searched for semicolon for 4days? Fucking retard with a sack of balls instead of eyes can understand that he's missing a semicolon in matter of seconds. It's going to be 2018 soon. Get a fucking IDE that says that you are missing a fucking semicolon. The error literally fucking says "; expected at the end of expression". Ugh...? I wonder what that means... Maybe something is wrong with my operating system or my PC. Fuck off with that shit. Try debugging some systems that have 2files with 15k lines in each of them with 200fields and all of them strings both with empty default constructors. Semicolons... My ass..14
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When it's been 4seconds since you posted a question on Stack Overflow and no one has answered it yet.
5 -
Seven months ago:
===============
Project Manager: - "Guys, we need to make this brand new ProjectX, here are the specs. What do you think?"
Bored Old Lead: - "I was going to resign this week but you've convinced me, this is a challenge, I never worked with this stack, I'm staying! I'll gladly play with this framework I never used before, it seems to work with this libA I can use here and this libB that I can use here! Such fun!"
Project Manager: - "Awesome! I'm counting on you!"
Six months ago:
====================
Cprn: - "So this part you asked me to implement is tons of work due to the way you're using libA. I really don't think we need it here. We could use a more common approach."
Bored Old Lead: - "No, I already rewrote parts of libB to work with libA, we're keeping it. Just do what's needed."
Cprn: - "Really? Oh, I see. It solves this one issue I'm having at least. Did you push the changes upstream?"
Bored Old Lead: - "No, nobody uses it like that, people don't need it."
Cprn: - "Wait... What? Then why did you even *think* about using those two libs together? It makes no sense."
Bored Old Lead: - "Come on, it's a challenge! Read it! Understand it! It'll make you a better coder!"
Four months ago:
==============
Cprn: - "That version of the framework you used is loosing support next month. We really should update."
Bored Old Lead: - "Yeah, we can't. I changed some core framework mechanics and the patches won't work with the new version. I'd have to rewrite these."
Cprn: - "Please do?"
Bored Old Lead: - "Nah, it's a waste of time! We're not updating!"
Three months ago:
===============
Bored Old Lead: - "The code you committed doesn't pass the tests."
Cprn: - "I just run it on my working copy and everything passes."
Bored Old Lead: - "Doesn't work on mine."
Cprn: - "Let me take a look... Ah! Here you go! You've misused these two options in the framework config for your dev environment."
Bored Old Lead: - "No, I had to hack them like that to work with libB."
Cprn: - "But the new framework version already brings everything we need from libB. We could just update and drop it."
Bored Old Lead: - "No! Can't update, remember?"
Last Friday:
=========
Bored Old Lead: - "You need to rewrite these tests. They work really slow. Two hours to pass all."
Cprn: - "What..? How come? I just run them on revision from this morning and all passed in a minute."
Bored Old Lead: - "Pull the changes and try again. I changed few input dataset objects and then copied results from error messages to assertions to make the tests pass and now it takes two hours. I've narrowed it to those weird tests here."
Cprn: - "Yeah, all of those use ORM. Maybe it's something with the model?"
Bored Old Lead: - "No, all is fine with the model. I was just there rewriting the way framework maps data types to accommodate for my new type that's really just an enum but I made it into a special custom object that needs special custom handling in the ORM. I haven't noticed any issues."
Cprn: - "What!? This makes *zero* sense! You're rewriting vendor code and expect everything to just work!? You're using libs that aren't designed to work together in production code because you wanted a challenge!?? And when everything blows up you're blaming my test code that you're feeding with incorrect dataset!??? See you on Monday, I'm going home! *door slam*"
Today:
=====
Project Manager: - "Cprn, Bored Old Lead left on Friday. He said he can't work with you. You're responsible for Project X now."24 -
Even though I'm a web developer I work in a very small IT department, which includes just me and my colleague.
Yesterday we got a pretty usual request. Someone forgot the password to an excel file. We already started a brute force attack, but we had some fun going through the worst passwords we ever stubbled over in our carrier.
He was like:"Maybe it's just his name?"
Me: "Oooh or maybe it's just the brand and 123?"
We laughed a lot. Not really considering we could crack this "important" file.
But it really worked out. The password was the brand of the business unit and "2017".
I've sent everthing back to the user, telling him exactly how we cracked it... His answer was:"Oh yeah! I knew it was something easy, so me and x could remember it easily!"
...
Why do you forgive easy passwords anyway? If I can crack it within 5 minutes... Everyone can! ...
And if you do it to "remember it easily"? Why the fuck don't you remember it?4 -
Only one sticker.
I go door-to-door every Sunday, "Excuse me dear sir/madam, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Haskell?".
Most people slam the door shut in my face, but every lost family I convert to the way of the monad is worth it.
Even if they don't believe in the same deity, even if they express their love for the divine through something as misguided as Typescript or Swift or whatever, as long as they embrace the truth of strong types and composable code, as long as they at least read the gospel of the functional style once in their lives, have one enlightened moment where they see the glory of morphisms, it's all good.
34 -
Devs who argue that their favourite language is the best and other are not good enough for anything. Different tools for different jobs dammit!4
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My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and go to market she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn.6
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It was a boring day and I was about to ssh into my server and this guy comes up to me, stares at my screen and when I turned back
He asks me "Have you tried deep in ur ass?"
*People around started looking at us*
I was like wtf! Got out from my chair and looked in his face "wtf did you just ask me?"
"Deepin, Deeepin OS! "
"Say that again u dumb fukkk and I will fucking slam ur face into the wall!"
Fucking confuses every time!!7 -
THERE HAS BEEN A SLIGHTLY BIG SPIDER IN MY ROOM SINCE YESTERDAY AND YESTERDAY IT DISAPPEARED THE LITERAL SECOND I FUCKING SAW IT IT DISAPPEARED. I SHIT YOU NOT IT JUST VANISHED. AND THIS SPIDER IS A BLACK FUCKER AND MY DESK, MONITORS, TV, HEADPHONES ARE ALL BLACK SO IVE BEEN REALLY PARANOID. AND JUST A FEW DUCKING MINUTES AGOI WAS WATCHING A VIDEO AND I FELT SOMETHING IN MY RIGHT HEADPHONE AND SLAM JAMMED MY EAR AND THREW THAT BITCH AS HARD AND AS FAST AS POSSIBLE TO THE POINT I HAD TO SIT THERE AND COLLECT MY THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND I DONT EVEN KNOW IF IT WAS EVEN THERE OR IF IT LEFT THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE IS SCREWING WITH ME I AM ONE STEP AWAY FROM JUST BUYING A GUN TO SHOOT THAT LITTLE FUCK31
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!rant
I've had two different old coworkers that liked to yell at their computers. The first was a grayed biker who always wore a spiked leather jacket and could never understand what you say the first time do to his massive concerts in his youth. He used to swear some of the worst obscenities and slam his keyboard. He was actually a really nice guy.
The second used to make up obscenities. Myself and another coworker would keep mental logs of the things he said. The best was "fuckbats", we had many long talks about what a "fuckbat" would be and it's general elusiveness. He was also a nice guy, really one of the nicest devs I've ever worked with, he just got really intense under pressure.3 -
*Deletes system32*
Omg why it's not working anymore? Holy shit windows suck. I didn't even do anything and it stopped working. Fucking useless OS.
sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root /
Oh it's understandable it's not working anymore, I fucked it up myself.13 -
Worst fight I've had with a co-worker?
Had my share of 'disagreements', but one that seemed like it could have gone to blows was a developer, 'T', that tried to man-splain me how ADO.Net worked with SQLServer.
<T walks into our work area>
T: "Your solution is going to cause a lot of problems in SQLServer"
Me: "No, its not, your solution is worse. For performance, its better to use ADO.Net connection pooling."
T: "NO! Every single transaction is atomic! SQLServer will prioritize the operation thread, making the whole transaction faster than what you're trying to do."
<T goes on and on about threads, made up nonsense about priority queues, on and on>
Me: "No it won't, unless you change something in the connection string, ADO.Net will utilize connection pooling and use the same SPID, even if you explicitly call Close() on the connection. You are just wasting code thinking that works."
T walks over, stands over me (he's about 6.5", 300+ pounds), maybe 6 inches away
T: "I've been doing .net development for over 10 years. I know what I'm doing!"
I turn my chair to face him, look up, cross my arms.
Me: "I know I'm kinda new to this, but let me show you something ..."
<I threw together a C# console app, simple connect, get some data, close the connection>
Me: "I'll fire up SQLProfiler and we can see the actual connection SPID and when sql server closes the SPID....see....the connection to SQLServer is still has an active SPID after I called Close. When I exit the application, SQLServer will drop the SPD....tada...see?"
T: "Wha...what is that...SQLProfiler? Is that some kind of hacking tool? DBAs should know about that!"
Me: "It's part of the SQLServer client tools, its on everyone's machine, including yours."
T: "Doesn't prove a damn thing! I'm going to do my own experiment and prove my solution works."
Me: "Look forward to seeing what you come up with ... and you haven't been doing .net for 10 years. I was part of the team that reviewed your resume when you were hired. You're going to have to try that on someone else."
About 10 seconds later I hear him from across the room slam his keyboard on his desk.
100% sure he would have kicked my ass, but that day I let him know his bully tactics worked on some, but wouldn't work on me.7 -
I'm freelancing and there was a guy who needed help with JavaFX. He gave me code only to his view class so I don't steal the rest... It was around 5k lines and it was full of compilation errors because of missing classes. While checking the code I realised something is really wrong with his model classes. So I asked maybe he could send me this one model class that was suspicious. So he did and it was around 10k lines long and had around 200 fields... ALL OF THEM FUCKING STRINGS except 3. You know what the rest of 3 were? 2 Lists of strings and a boolean... It was his "main" model class, he was using it for everything. It had setters for all fields and empty default constructor, so he would just instantiate the object and would set the fields that he wanted to use. Need new functionality? Just add 5more String fields and set them!2
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When you are so angry about something you slam your fist on the keyboard, break the Enter and surrounding keys, rush to the closest shop that sells keyboards, fail to buy one because they're all too shit, come home and end up fixing your keyboard, then get even more pissed off because you had already gotten excited about that new keyboard, and end up writing shitty comments for shit you haven't even finished yet because you're too pissed off BECAHSE EVERY FUCKING THING IN THIS WORLD IS FUCKING BROKEN AND SHIT. AND NOW I HAVE A MIGRAINE AND MY LEG IS ITCHY FOR SOME STUPID FUCKING REASON!
17 -
Crappy day, entirely related to cars and trucks and other wheeled implements of doom and annoyance.
My car died this morning.
It has been slowly dying for weeks in a very unusual way (something electrical; we're not sure what), but today it finally gave up and just wouldn't start anymore.
We replaced the crap battery (it had been a crap freebie from my parents), which fixed the not-starting issue for now, but it still has lots of other problems. Fluid leaks, disintegrating paint, some lights suddenly or randomly not working, super long clutch distance, sporadic grinding sounds, shifter randomly not engaging, pieces literally falling off, bits of the interior breaking (like the driver's side door handle), the wiper sprayers bloody missing the windshield, etc., etc., etc. My poor, poor car. It was super cheap, and I've had it for a long time, so I'm not surprised, but. I love my car, so it makes me really sad. ☹
Anyway, we finally got the car starting again, and I drove to work about four hours late. I had worked super late the previous night (11:45pm), and had let my boss know already, so whatever.
As for the trip, I work ~40 minutes away, and with the poor quality of drivers here there's usually something dumb happening. Today... well. Today was one of the bad days.
Someone was in the fast lane doing 50mph. The usual speed of traffic is 80mph. They got annoyed whenever someone passed them. Minor, but worth including.
Later on, people slowed way down and gawked at... a port-a-potty. Seriously, a port-a-potty. It was on the shoulder where there had been some construction, so it's not surprising or anything. People seriously dropped from 80mph down to 20mph just to stare at this thing, and it wasn't even occupied or anything. It was just a port-a-potty! There was nothing else around! What could possibly be so interesting?!
There was also a random Penske (moving) truck doing 35mph on the freeway holding up traffic like 10 minutes later; no idea why. Traffic usually does ~70mph there. No blinkers or anything, it was just being slow and causing everyone to go around in a pretty traffic-heavy area.
The truck in front of me for ~40% of the trip kept waiting way too long to stop, and would then slam on the breaks. I almost hit him twice because of this, and I couldn't see around him, either. It was some giant pickup staying just in the wrong spot. I ended up driving partially in the shoulder so I could gauge when to stop by the car in front of him. He slammed on the breaks like twelve more times before he finally left. Jerk.
The same thing happened again like 85% of the way to work, but this time it was a different pickup, and there was a semi was behind me, which obviously couldn't stop very quickly. Fortunately for both of us, there was a gap in traffic to my right, so I slipped out of the way before getting squished. ><
Bloody hell.
Today has not been fun.
Nobody flipping me off or was doing their damnedest to prevent me from changing lanes today, though, so I suppose it could have been worse. Also I didn't die, so there's that.2 -
I got my job because I've been myself. As soon as I laughed with the interviewers I knew I got it.
They choose you for a interview out of all the other CVs because they hope you know your stuff. Proof it! And most important - show your character. Don't be a blank paper! Make fun with them. Or at least leave some kind of positiv impression.
The funny part:
I applied for jobs in Austria while doing my Bachelor degree in the UK. Over Skype they had no idea I was wearing sweatpants.1 -
It works.
How I hate that sentence.
Whenever that sentence pops up, I wanna take a frying pan, make some bacon, eat the bacon and slam the still hot pan with grease through someone's face till the skull breaks.
Why has he so many anger issues, one might ask.
Usually the sentence "It works" means that after looking at "working thing" it works wrong in 95 % of all cases, but hey - for 5 % it at least does *something* right. Not everything, don't get ya hope up.
We had this fun topic happening again today and I'm still too angry to sleep.
Lucene analysis of texts in Elasticsearch.
Stopword list? Multiple word n-grams per line, duplicates, not lower cased, not properly encoded.
Tokenizers? Duh. Why should one put them in proper order.... Or more realistic: There is an order in tokenizers necessary *devs with shocked faces*.
Language specific details... UHM. Wait. Languages are different? There are edge cases in languages? *more shocked faces*.
Even more shocking that if an text processing pipeline is implemented horribly wrong, it delivers wrong results. *mind blown*.
But our unit tests (this goes out to @kiki) were working.
Yeah. You dumb nuggets who even an amoeba would be ashamed of, when you only do positive tests in unit tests with the most obvious working examples, then your unit tests are just useless waste of nibbles.
Some of the devs are really a fucking waste of genetic information, should have probably ended better in a sock.
If this sounds too harsh, they had 2 weeks.
In just 3 hours I found out that they can redo that with supervision.
-.-
I'm getting too old for that shit. Seriously.4 -
"Never touch a running system". I can't believe how many times I've seen this advice here. How the fuck are you supposes to upgrade, improve stuff? This is why stuff like WannaCry happens.8
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Our company Nerf wars got a little rowdy one year, and a co-worker knocked over a (senior citizen) co-worker just to “win”. Like full on take down body slam. So much for no physical contact.3
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This had me laughing out loud this morning, my wife just looked at me funny as I tried to explain it to her.
2 -
I’ve been programming with other languages than Python for so long that when I finally had to pick up Python to help teach my friend some python I felt like I was rediscovering a past life.
With Python I feel like King Fucking Arthur with the Holy Blade Excalibur, armored up and ready for fucking war.
When I’m writing a script I feel like I’m parrying and piercing my blade straight through that fuckers chest and slam them into the fucking ground. And leave their bleeding out cold dying body on the fucking ground with no hope in their eyes.
Although when an indentation error occurs I feel like I just fucking tripped over a fucking pebble and apparently stairs were nearby and I bash my head on all 1024 steps, get to the bottom to just to get some fucking Java Chad punt my fucking head like a fucking football screaming random reasons to not use python.8 -
Boss: "Sooo.... How long will it take?"
Me: "Maybe we should agree on some processes and specify your wishes for the new feature first?"
Boss: "Yeah you're right.... But what do you think? Will you get it done til $deadline?"
...
Why am I even trying? Who needs project management anyway?4 -
Alright, this my fucking rant right here. Distraction? This whole company is a distraction! Boss decided to throw us all in an open work environment doing jobs that require careful concentration. Straight outta college I'm getting handed vague ideas, (make a desktop app that helps our customers put data on the internet, make an iPhone app) with out so much as an inkling of what technologies to use, just make it work.
Ok I will but when you hit a roadblock with very little resources to draw in it's hard to stay focused.
On top of that since I worked in support for a year I'm our senior support person! But sometimes support just doesn't use their brains and I'm using my time to solve very basic problems.
That brings me to my next point, the goddamn piece of shit that is our telephone. Fuck that thing when it rings it's never good. Moreover, since I don't want to get roasted for not being responsive I have the motherfucker forward to my personal cell. So I answer every fucking call and I get so many spam calls!
Not to mention I'm mainly running the hardware show around here. Shits broke I'm the one fixing it. Need new shit I'm putting the order together.
Tried to get a new guy to be the sys admin, ordered a 6th gen board with a 7th gen proc, had to pull 3 machines apart to get that sorted. Then he left bc family issues, and has been gone for weeks.
The other devs are also slam up busy, and the main product is about 15 people's piss on a plate of garb age spaghetti. (I got a lot of shit going on but at least I'm the only one pissing in my spaghetti) it's a constant run around if who does what with a code first plan later mentality causing confusion and delay.
Nobody wants to help anybody because they are also annoyed with this setup and are getting bitched at by customers or management.
Sales is mostly composed of a bunch of crackhead yes men and women who just want a commission and only half know the shit we sell and have sold 15 new features that had not been discussed. But management always says make it happen. In what priority? It's all a priority they say! Wtf.
So yea, then it brings me to me, dealing with this much chaos at work makes it seem like a high amount of chaos in my life is normal. I'm just now learning to control this.
I've had to do a lot of growing up as a person and as a developer. I've went from being the most junior to about the 3rd most seniors and I've no doubt my efforts have contributed to the growth of the company.
I'm a big believer in coding flow, and that it takes at least 15 mins to get in that flow and about 5 seconds to break it. There is no do not disturb on the company chat, everything always on fire it seems.
So fuck a lot of this, but I've done the research and where I'm at is the best opportunity in a 100 mile radius. So I am thankful for this job. Plus I usually win the horror story contest.
So TL;DR the biggest distraction is every fucking thing in this god forsaken place.5 -
"Back in the days, you had to put a lot if effort into getting WiFi working in Linux.
Today, you can take a Linux notebook, slam it into its dockingstation with all kinds of peripherals attached to it, and it just works"
~ my boss9 -
The joys of mapping...
I'm playing around with some cartographer parameters and this happened. Thought it fits the christmas theme and was kindas beautiful so decided to share.
It's a map snowflake :3
9 -
My modus operandi 😂
Taking my own decisions is so scary.
In the wise words of Tsunami Bomb, Independence doesn't start when you leave home!
3 -
Not tech related, but out of pure interest: Who else is into deathmetal, deathcore, slam death metal, black metal etc ? \m/21
-
Boss at the start of a new project: "We could hire an intern to gatter some data in an excel list... You can easily implement that in the application later - right? So can you get us a excel list to fill out? "
No... Just no...
You tell me what you wanna see and how you wanna interact with the application!
In the process we will figure out which data is necessary, I will build some tables in the database for that data and then, !!! not a second sooner !!! , I'll be able to give you an suitable excel list, which includes a complete list of columns for the necessary data in a form I can work with it.
It's not my job to know what data a application needs to make YOUR JOB easier! I'm not a magician! I just love programming stuff!3 -
My ex-colleague from Sony wrote to me to consult about SLAM system for his side project. Bro...I'm reading papers for like 2 weeks and in no position to advise anyone 😂
-
✓ running server on windows 10
✓ running postgresql server
✓ running ngrok server
✓ running android studio
✓ running 15 chrome tabs
✓ running ubuntu virtualbox
✓ scraping a website with python in ubuntu
✓ laptop freezes
✓ gently slam the laptop so it can go to sleep mode
✓ try to login so it can unfreeze
✓ get a purple screen of death
✓ system crashed and has to restart
✓ get a blue screen of death for memory diagnostic tool
✓ all unsaved work is lost
✓ gtx 1060
✓ i7
✓ ddr4
✓ 8gb ram
✓ acer laptop of $2400
✓ regret buying acer laptop
11 -
My job. Working in a small IT department. Web programming most of the day and being able to help people with their phones, software, internet connection, and so on...
The only thing I sometimes wished for were some other devs in my company that would understand me and my problems and with whom I could discuss new technologies.
But now I got devrant. I'll be fine from now on.1 -
I was copying data from a failing zfs drive with rsync and I noticed that it spent a long time on the file ~/.local/share/Baloo/index
du -h index showed a 500ish MB file which didn't seem large enough to take this long.
I recalled that du shows disk usage, not file size and since I was using zfs compression they could be quite different.
so I added -A for apparent size:
du -hA index and it comes back with 1.7E
The file was 1.7 exabytes...6 -
When I got X up and running at 1am for the first time on my first computer, 486 SX 25MHz with 8 MB or ram.
The program SuperProbe is probably depicted now, but it got me up and running back then. -
Of course, I just swiped the wrong way on my fucking laptop trackpad and list everything I just typed. FUCKING MARVELOUS.
TL;DR: Teacher stopped me from being productive. Principal almost called cops on me. Nearly threw chair at librarian.
So I'm at school yesterday, and we have a presenter in 2nd hour, so naturally, I'm gonna be on my computer doing things for other classes at the same time. Efficiency. Teacher doesn't like it, I refuse to put the computer away telling her that I'll be more productive and still pay attention, which HAS BEEN PROVEN MIND YOU, but she ends up calling security on me and I get sent down to the principal's office.
I talk to him, and he says 'Yeah, I know it's in the way, but you have to follow the directive given by the teachers.' Fine, fuck it. Won't go to her class for third hour. (I have her twice in a row for two different classes.) Next day.
I walk in, asking her if she's gonna do the same thing she did yesterday, hoping that she realized her error and will fix it, but no. She says I STILL can't have the computer out. I'm sorry, do you not realize I have 6 other fucking classes, most of which are required to graduate, unlike YOURS, as well as a FUCKING COLLEGE CLASS TONIGHT?! She gives the ultimatum. 'Obey or leave.' Fine, I'll leave. I go to the principal's office again, he must have a stick up his ass or something today because he's not budging. We argue for a while and he gives a WORSE ultimatum: 'Obey, Go to the Library, In House Suspension, or I'll call the police.' What the actual FUCK MAN?! You're gonna call the POLICE on a NONVIOLENT STUDENT?! Are you fucking MAD? I keep trying to tell him that there's an easy solution to this, but as he's getting up to call the cops, I say 'Fine! I'll go to the library!' He follows me over to make sure I don't kill anyone on the way.
I slam the door to the library open, and when I walk in, the librarian is there at her computer, and she asks 'Where are you coming from?' 'Principal!' 'I need a pass-' 'Well, I'm sorry, I can't exactly get anything for you right now, I was just sent down here.' She says 'Either way, I need some kind of note or pas-' 'Listen, I'm not in the mood for any of this right now. Please, just leave me be.' She then tries to say something, but I cut her off quickly, 'Just back off and leave me alone right now. The more you push it, the more you're gonna make me want to throw this chair!' Imagine the volume just gradually getting louder on that last one. She quickly runs out and talks to the security desk or something, which is right outside the library door, but she's the only one who comes in, thankfully. I was expecting to be fucking dragged out for no good reason. I'm loud, not violent. I have no history of violence.
So yeah. Here I am in the school library, angrily tapping away at my keyboard, trying not to throw the entire table to the fucking moon. All because this broken-ass public school system has no idea how to deviate from the norm when it's actually productive and efficient to do so. And now, the obligatory:
FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT WHY DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY WRONG IN EVERY SINGLE THING YOU ARE DOING YOU IDIOTIC SCUM-FILLED MEAT SACKS OF NO FORSEEABLE VALUE! FUCK!1 -
I’M COMIC SANS, ASSHOLE
Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.
You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.
People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.
When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding “Reign In Blood” on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.
It doesn’t even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I’m famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I’m in your signs. I’m in your browsers. I’m in your instant messengers. I’m not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.
Enough of this bullshit. I’m gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.
by Mike Lacher, https://mcsweeneys.net/articles/...3 -
I'm currently trying out Apache Cordova. Feels like playing minesweeper for the first time.
But as always a debugger rushes to rescue me:
Ripple :: Environment Warming Up (Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.)
Yes, I'm gonna make me a cup of tea now.1 -
Opening a million tabs on Chrome, inwardly saying, 'I'll get back to you later' after briefly reading the first few paragraphs
-
I'm logged into my box at home via ssh and coding in vim.... On the bus, using my phone.
I need more spare time, I get to sit down in front of my computer for maybe 1-2 hours a week.1 -
!rant.
I fucked up. Recently I applied for a job in Intel. All questions they throw at me I answered well, but there's one question that f**ked me hard that I can't think of any answer to. (Because ! am not familiar with this)
I was questioned about SLAM ( Simultaneous localization and mapping), I am new to this.
Now I think I failed to get the job. Therefore, I f**ked up12 -
I really do love my job but after 2 liters of green tea and one aspirin I'm still tired and my headache is coming back
...
This can't be a healthy relationship...9 -
A telecom engineering friend of mine asked me if I wanted Backnowýk — a strange brew made of cherries and strawberries that, if you brew it just right, is both lemonade and yogurt, depending on how you hold a glass of it. Straight angle relative to the floor makes it yogurt, but change that angle, and it fades into being lemonade. But if you don't drink it fast enough, it turns into blood.
So, I drank it and gained an ability to slam dunk leather balls, and since then, for every football game I'm in (I don't know how to play soccer though), there is a basketball hoop just for me, and when I dunk, my team scores.
Went for a walk. Met the lead singer of Death Grips — MC Ride. He wrote me a gay ballad:
🎵 Please take me to recording studio Portland🎵
🎵 Please take me to the recording place digital🎵
🎵 Aniverse🎵
🎵 Aniverse🎵
🎵 [DREAM FRAGMENT LOST]-verse🎵 -
Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a problem — after his army service, he got so used to cold that he could only sleep on a raw, cold metal grill. Usually, normal people put mattress on top, but Erdogan didn’t feel right this way. So, in one of his personal prisons, he established a social project for making a full metal bed for himself.
For starters, to calculate the shape, he took the smallest man ever (3 inches high) with his fingers and sunk him into molten plastic. “What are you doing?! It hurts!” — man screamed. “Shut up. You’re on an important mission. Your motherland won’t forget you.”
After three months, the bed was ready. It was more of the same — metal bars, but this time with some kind of structure built of metal hinges, rebar and strong springs. This was the day — this was the big reveal event. It took place in the same prison — three prisoners were ready to lay on their new full metal beds, while news crews congratulated Erdogan and celebrated his greatness. “Well, it is time!” — he said.
Prisoners laid flat. An awful screeching sound. Prisoner number two is bleeding out. The spring mechanism broke out and impaled his chest onto a large metal bar. He’s not breathing.
“Shut it down. Shut it all down. No more cameras, no more news”, — said Erdogan.
“Yes, our master”, — said news crews.
They wanted to draft me to Afghanistan.
“No!”, — a young officer shouted, misgendering me — “He doesn’t know the stages of pain. Useless.”
“Are you perhaps arguing pain with a bipolar patient?” — I replied.
“You are a rave. Nothing but a rave.”
Raves spawned near your doors at night. Sometimes, they even spawned on the inside. I can’t say you were in danger, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to happen to anyone. They looked ugly. They dressed weird. They spoke in riddles.
“How do I move to Europe?”, — a rave asked.
“I…”
“Shut up!”
Rave took a door, suspiciously painted over and over multiple times, and started to slam my door with it, using it as a ram.
My door started giving in.
Alarm system.
On a separate note, to disable the alarm system, you have to speedrun Stanley Parable. It’s the hardest speedrun ever, specifically its hidden ending. It disables all alarm systems in three-mile radius IRL. No one knows how it works, but it does. Back to the danger zone!
“The better quality time you spend sitting on your toilet, the more you’ll live.”, — an officer said.
“I once had a girl blow me while I was shitting,” — Matthias replied — “You have nothing on me.”
“Fair enough!”
It is a little known fact, but the liquid that Northern cities use to clean up snow isn’t quite what it seems like. It’s not salt — in reality, there are bases on Mars, and they store pink goo that… “iMpRoVeS” dead bodies. The liquid is biological in nature, and it expires. Expired liquid is recycled as snow melter. You learn that in high school, but now, living on a train, you should know that there are special learning rooms here, in every. single. carriage. The small gym ball with two handles on its sides is called Gandhi ball. Fun fact: if you wear headless Segways on top of your shoes, and then lay flat holding a Gandhi ball, you can reach the speed of 270 kph!
Today’s news: a Reddit moderator and a legless woman gave birth to a living sex toy for their domestic boar.2 -
This is more of an advice seeking rant. I've recently been promoted to Team Leader of my team but mostly because of circumstances. The previous team leader left for a start-up and I've been somehow the acting Scrum Master of the team for the past months (although our company sucks at Scrum generally speaking) and also having the most time in the company. However I'm still the youngest I'm my team so managing the actual team feels a bit weird and also I do not consider myself experienced enough to be a Technical lead but we don't have a different position for that.
Below actions happen in the course of 2-3 months.
With all the things above considered I find myself in a dire situation, a couple of months ago there were several Blocker bugs opened from the Clients side / production env related to one feature, however after spending about a month or so on trying to investigate the issues we've come to the conclusion that it needs to be refactorised as it's way too bad and it can't be solved (as a side note this issue has also been raised by a former dev who left the company). Although it was not part of the initial upcoming version release it was "forcefully" introduced in the plan and we took out of the scope other things but was still flagged as a potential risk. But wait..there's more, this feature was part of a Java microservice (the whole microservice basically) and our team is mostly made of JS, just one guy who actually works as a Java dev (I've only done one Java course during uni but never felt attracted to it). I've not been involved in the initial planning of this EPIC, my former TL was an the Java guy. Now during this the company decides that me and my TL were needed for a side project, so both of us got "pulled out" of the team and move there but we've also had to "manage" the team at the same time. In the end it's decided that since my TL will leave and I will take leadership of the team, I get "released" from the side project to manage the team. I'm left with about 3 weeks to slam dunk the feature.. but, I'm not a great leader for my team nor do I have the knowledge to help me teammate into fixing this Java MS, I do go about the normal schedule about asking him in the daily what is he working on and if he needs any help, but I don't really get into much details as I'm neither too much in sync with the feature nor with the technical part of Java. And here we are now in the last week, I've had several calls with PSO from the clients trying to push me into giving them a deadline on when will it be fixed that it's very important for the client to get this working in the next release and so on, however I do not hold an answer to that. I've been trying to explain to them that this was flagged as a risk and I can't guarantee them anything but that didn't seem to make them any happier. On the other side I feel like this team member has been slacking it a lot, his work this week would barely sum up a couple of hours from my point of view as I've asked him to push the branch he's been working on and checked his code changes. I'm a bit anxious to confront him however as I feel I haven't been on top of his situation either, not saying I was uninvolved but I definetly could have been a better manager for him and go into more details about his daily work and so on.
All in all there has been mistakes on all levels(maybe not on PSO as they can't really be held accountable for R&D inability to deliver stuff, but they should be a little more understandable at the very least) and it got us into a shitty situation which stresses me out and makes me feel like I've started my new position with a wrong step.
I'm just wondering if anyone has been in similar situations and has any tips or words of wisdom to share. Or how do you guys feel about the whole situation, am I just over stressing it? Did I get a good analysis, was there anything I could have done better? I'm open for any kind of feedback.2 -
Just looking at someone who accidentaly reseted Final Exam Activity on Cisco Packet Tracer. Then i whisper on his ears.
"Try to read the dialog message. Never try to Slam every 'OK' button" -
I met @miau in England at University, through the only course we shared, Games for the Internet. I really wanted to be her friend because I thought she was pretty cool.
@miau looks incredibly confident. She has humor, imagination and is a really talented programmer.
She, on the other hand, did not want to have anything to do with other German-speaking students to improve her English skills and learn as much about England as possible.
Fortunately, I can be very stubborn. I helped her with her programming tasks whenever she let me and told her what our professor values. A few tests and beers later we were friends.3 -
What are the thoughts of privacy conscious people about quantum computers? As far as I understand current TLS version encryption method is vulnerable to quantum computers, thus if your ISP or other agencies store all your traffic data right now, they'll be able to decrypt it after gaining access to quantum computers.
One way to secure your privacy would be to use your own VPN that uses encryption method that is quantum-resistant, but again the VPN would be using TLS to connect to the Internet.6 -
My colleague is actually on vacation... But nevertheless he is kind of working from home...
He is forwarding me emails that I think he wants me to answer / take care about just to realize he already did everything...
People constantly come to me with problems they just discussed with him and think that I know about it.
No I don't!
Am I the only person not calling or emailing my colleague? He is on vacation! God damnit...
I hate humans... -
I'm halfway through season 3 of Halt and Catch Fire and I believe Cameron is my most hated movie character ever. That fcking manipulative useless piece of shit. Just fuck urself. Fcking garbage disposal wouldn't be able to dispose of ur bitch ass. I'm not sure if I can finish the season but it feels like she can't get any worse, wouldn't be surprised tho.
-
This is just me throwing out my thoughts from the past few weeks.
edit: this is long
> Working on a C# project. its going well Its teaching me a lot about SQLite and file IO. I'm having a lot of fun with it, even the debugging as much I want to slam my head on the wall but I'm not asking for help so far and I'm very proud of myself because it feels so much better. like I don't mind asking for help but its so much more rewarding and I learn more from it.
> I need portfolio of software I can show off to employers and the current project I'm working on is the first programs in the portfolio. The place I want to apply to uses C#, but I still wanted a few other programs in other languages such as Python or JS just to show what I'm capable of.
> I was looking at what ASP.NET Core offers and it impresses the fuck out of me, and confuses me. The parts that confuse me, like for example the normal asp webapp is a very impressive hello world app. and it has so many different files and such but how or what do they expect me to add? how am I supposed to work with it? and if I delete any files I don't need (the premade js, bootstrap, jquery, html, and css) it produces errors because of the project files are pointing to those. and i know I can use the empty project (I do) but does that question my ability as a dev since I don't want to use it for my projects?
> On that note I love using Intellisense and debuggers and auto complete and I can go without them I just don't want to rely on them. idk I've just been a little more stressed these past few weeks.4 -
Was trying live image of nitrux os during our class break today, chilling out, eating lunch with friends. Out of nowhere THIS fkin retard comes in, looks at screen and shouts in front of d class "yo linux is trash never use linux i used zorin for a week worst fkin experience of my life" and goes away before i cud respond.
My friend signalled me to keep calm as my anger was apparent. Mf I wanted to fkin slam my laptop on dis fucker's sly face and gut d kid. Friend slowly instructs "in time, brethren, in time"
He just asked me for a windows activator. Thinking of sending a bitcoin miner virus.4 -
uPlay is ramming me down the throat harder than what should be legal, I can barely breathe.
I'm trying to install Far Cry 5, I preordered it. But.. download is stuck on fucking 0B. That being 0 bytes.
I tried disabling all firewall/antivirus, clean Windows boot, restart, reinstall launcher, slam the table, like everything.
Why isn't the shit fucking doing its job? Anyone who got ideas for what I could try next?
I'm not gonna send a message to their support, I'd rather have sex with a hedgehog, where I'm the one being penetrated. Fuck me.6 -
Trying very hard not to slam down my shitty monitors in protest.
Was just informed by my manager that all coursework has to be directly related to my present role. Since I am not a developer than my classes will no longer be covered.
Same company that spent 15 grand just for the food at last year's company xmas party.
Even though I have already used my skills to revamp the company intranet, created macros that halved my workload and now able to understand the developer docs for 3rd party software we implement.2 -
So a couple of months ago I had some stability issues which seems to have caused Baloo go crazy and create an 1.7 exabyte index file. It was apparently mainly empty as zfs compressed it down to 535MB
Today I spent some time trying to reproduce the "issue" and turns out that wasn't that hard.
So this little program running on FreeBSD with a compressed (lz4) zfs dataset creates an 1.9 Exabyte large file, nicely compressed down to 45KB :)
#include <stdio.h>
#include <fcntl.h>
#include <unistd.h>
#include <sys/limits.h>
int main(int argc, char** argv) {
int fd = open("bigfile.lge", O_RDWR|O_CREAT, 0644);
for (int i = 0 ; i < 1000000000; i++) {
lseek(fd, INT_MAX, SEEK_CUR);
}
write(fd, " ",1);
close(fd);
}3 -
Hey ... Is it possible to figure out the clients path (f.e. C:\Users\...) to a file he uploaded to a website on the server side?
My boss thinks it could be done and wants me to programm it. But I think we'd need a zero day vulnerability in a specific (and probably very old) browser to do something like that... That would be a huge security issue...
Wouldn't it?
What do you think?13 -
Well, that is a record. 11 minutes into work and I already want to choke slam whoever wrote this shell script. I am looking for someone older than dirt because they used ` ` instead of $(). And now I am going to have to change group GIDs for 3 groups times 500 machines. They all need to match and are ALL different. FML
-
Was the devRant algorithm updated recently? I keep getting the same rants over and over. I don't think I've been on devRant that much lately to see all rants.5
-
Is it just me or is python community's dependency management a bit unreliable?
I just can't seem to easily install any python programs without missing dependencies. Updates have caused libraries to become incompatible, which in turn causes the application that used to work to just produce a stack trace.
Is this the state of python or am I doing something wrong.3 -
All I want to do is build a robot. ROS is slow as crap on a raspi when you're trying to do SLAM. The chassis isn't big enough for a second raspi, and I can't print a bigger electronics tray until the end of my week off.
Also, Ubuntu just doesn't want to work right on my Surface. Emulation too slow.
So much for building cool things on vacation. -
Reading the source of a message queue system I'm planning on extending.
I don't see myself as a rockstar programmer or anything but the construction of arrays from hash tables, sorting those arrays and then a nested for loop to find matches really irks me. Luckily not on the critical message processing path but the stats collection thread. There are mutexes in play though that would probably delay processing a little bit when stats are collected. -
Has OSS Projects build systems become more complicated lately?
I took a stab at building concourse ci on FreeBSD. It being written in go, I expected it to be rather straight forward but no.
To "compile" the web UI assets, yarn (an alternative nodejs package manager apparently) was required. (Are js and CSS really compile targets now?)
Installed yarn and ran yarn build, it complained about lessc not being installed, so ran yarn install lessc which then told me that I was running an unsupported operating system.
I can compile the actual consourse binary just fine, but without yarn doing it's thing the assets required for the web UI does not get compiled in and therefore doesn't work properly.
Maybe I compile the web UI assets in Linux, and cross compile my FreeBSD binary...5 -
Employees of companies that are so protective of their intellectual property that they don't allow any to be transfered outside of the workplace, how do you work from home?4
-
I am taking too long to think for final year cs project.
Thinking of autonomous mapping and exploration using UAVs
Any suggestions?2 -
I've gone from a "no early returns" guy to a "return as early as possible to maintain the happy path indented as much to the left as possible" guy.
Looks so much neater now. -
Do you know what's grinding my gears today... the way my colleague keeps finger slapping his left hand mouse button every 5 seconds.😠1
-
For testing, I added an override environment variable in some C# code so I can set it in the projects debug properties when I run it.
Turns out that while it's possible to do this in C++ projects, MS decided that they don't want you to do that for C# projects as there are other ways that they want to do it.
So it's not possible to modify your environment for C# projects within visual studio.
*Bangs head against the wall and surrenders to the Microsoft way of doing things*1 -
Anybody like to rip up CTF (or similar)? I've honestly never done a CTF before, I'd like to give jt a shot. I'll get my ass handed to me because I'm not back up to par on OpSec yet, but I adapt well and when I get into a nice groove I can make shit happen! (I like to think so, anyways haha!!)
I've been in full on dev mode lately and haven't had any time to Hulk Smash for a while... I went to fire up a new Kali live USB today and I couldn't run through the updates like I always have- they changed sooo much and I was pissed because I didn't have ethernet with me. That'll be another day for sure, but I still have my machine with Manjaro armed to the nutsack and back with the BlackArch rep. I def could use a break from the chaos, and getting my ass handed right to me sounds like an awesome time because learning is my favorite thing next to a possible chance at getting to destroy shit.
It's weird, because I'm sort of a n00b but also at the same time I've had computers ripped apart/jammed in my face since every day since I was 9 and Y2K was about to hit the fan lmao!! My hardware/network/layering knowledge is fuckin mint titties, I just can't code like a fuckin madman on the fly. I don't have a "primary" language, because I've been having to work with little bits of several languages for extended periods of time... I can at least find my way around all the dox without much of an issue and have no issue solving the probs I come across which is neat, but until the day comes where I can fuck a gaping hole through my keyboard on the fly like George Hotz during one of his lazy Sunday OpenCV SLAM/Python code streams all jacked up on Herba Mate hahahahaha!!!!
The dude uses fucking VIM and codes faster than anyone I've ever seen on levels of science/math so challenging I almost shit myself inside out when I catch one!!!! The level of respect I have for all my fellow red pills in here is as high as it gets, and that's one of the best parts about being a code junkie- sometimes ya get to cross paths with beastly, out of this world people that teach you so much without even having to explain shit.
If anyone's down, or maybe has some resources for me to check out so I can get my chops up let's make it happen -
Had a really really good interview last week I think. And the weirdest thing was that he was friends with my ex bosses so we talked about them a lot. Lots of jokes. So I thought ooh slam dunk.
But now apparently I’m not going forward “based in part of what they said”
Fuck my life. Fuck you. You fucked me over during my time at your company and I tried to be civil cause I thought we somehow became friends.
But. Fuck you all to hell. I’ve been struggling to find something and been in a state a depression since the horrible experience I’ve been trying to be positive on.
Don’t even get me going on how I ended up leaving the company4 -
no mom, i dont slam on the keyboard and hack a security system while a bunch of codes magically appears on the screen.
-
Since most open-source projects that I use have been mentioned, I'll just mention the last one I've found about and it made my life easier:
Flameshot - https://github.com/lupoDharkael/...
It's a screenshot application that allows quick screenshot editing and has a comfortable area selector. You can see what I mean on github page.2 -
I just woke up from this horrific dream. It was a super dark talented mr ripely style nightmare.
This estranged relative had come back into my life and things were going fine but got weird fast. Eventually we’re at this point where I’ve already half killed then with a hammer and it’s been this insane back and forth/psychological torture as they fade between character. They’re weeping and naked crawling toward me pleading - but it’s way past that.
I’m trying to save my mom and escape - and I can tell they are about to get another wind and charge me. I look down and realize they have no shoes either - so, I spot a porcelain lamp and crash it to the ground and it shatters and fills the space with shards. Their eyes full with rage as they switch character and realize we cannot be manipulated. This is the end. We narrowly escaped as they run across the floor and cut their feet and slam to the ground in shrieking agony. Super scary.
Then I thought... this feels terrible.
Kinda like being on Reddit - or just in a bad comment thread.
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