Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

Apple, which dumb fuck thought this would be good? ok new mouse, no more batteries it can be charged on a wire, cool you may think, until it actually needs charging and you discover that the charging port is on the bottom, making the mouse unusable whilst charging!!!

When you try and edit a CSS file you did 3years ago.

Many, many years ago, Apple had this software you could install which allowed you to take full control of someone else's machine. Well, my mate who was a designer worked in a different office downstairs. I was often in their fixing stupid shit problems. While he was out on lunch, i installed and configured the software on his mac. After lunch I went back upstairs and watched his every move on my mac. He was in adobe inDesign creating some design for a brochure. He was in a text box changing the heading, i seized the opportunity and took control typing in the text box "i am a useless cunt", pissing myself, I then selected the text and increased the size and made it bold... then the phone rang.

Lol
{}

Fuck this guy who calls himself a fullstack developer after doing a HelloWorld with Node.js and a bit of flex box.
No. Really. Stop with this bullshit.

When learning a new language replace "Hello world" with "Hello darkness my old friend". Sounds more appropriate.

I'm starting to get the hang of this app.
I'm quite timid, I've only given a few +1s around.
I suppose this is my "Hello, world!" post!

I was at Leeds Central train station the other day, waiting for the platform to be announced on the screen in the main bit. I noticed a commotion to my right. There was a teenage girl screaming and writhing around on the floor, her mother was knelt on one knee trying to calm her. I walked over without thinking, I know nothing about Epilepsy or first aid, at a push I could probably figure out the recovery position from a faint diagram i have stored in the unused part if my brain...

(it’s where I keep the washing machine instructions, which incidentally were designed for maximum confusion, if Id designed a washing machine it would have 1 button labelled ‘wash’)...

Sorry, back to the story. So i walked over and just before I got there, with the mother looking directly at me, I realised, what the fuck am I doing, meanwhile the daughter was screaming still and writhing, a bit like a rapid angel print you would make in the snow as a kid (until your hand touched the dog shit).

I couldn’t help it, the words just came out, like a dumb fucker, i said ‘Has she got epilepsy?’ , i stood there waiting for the sarcastic comment or the murderous stare, even a fuck off would suffice, so that I could remove myself from the situation.

To my surprise, and shock, she looked at me, calmly and said “oh no, it’s not epilepsy or anything like that.... she’s lost her iPhone”.

Hi guys, I'm new here, discovered devRant randomly by browsing only. Bit sad I didn't knew about it earlier.
Greetings from France BTW 😄

fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking clients!

Hello world in different programming language.

So I walk to work and pass this sign for a place called helloworld experts in everywhere.

And eventually I was curious enough to go to their website and to my surprise they're a travel company :(

I was expecting some sort of software development company with focus on cloud software due to their slogan, pretty disappointed.

New French Law Makes It Illegal To Email Employees After Work Hours

I shall refer to the client as cunt for the purposes of this rant. All design work signed off. Near completion of project, cunt sends an email moving stuff around and changing the design. I send the cunt an email telling him that I will review his requests and send a quote through detailing cost implications and extra time added to his deadline to complete. Cunt says he wasn't aware there would be extra costs. I refer the cunt back to the quote and contract which clearly distinguishes the design phase and build phase explaining change control. Not heard back from said cunt.

😎😎😎

Never put more than 1 sentence in an email. People never fucking read more than the first line. Then they fire back an email with questions you already answered. Arghhh bastards.

Initial commit

Big day today for the UK. I hope we stay, the future's bleak if we don't. I'm IN. Damn those outers.

#include<iostream>

int main()
{
std::cout<<"Hello Everyone. I'm New Here";
return 0;
}

So today in school, we wrote our first Hello-World-Programm.

Everybody copied my work...

Nobody proof reads anymore. It pisses me off. News sources with obvious spelling and grammatical mistakes. It seems that it is acceptable on the internet to not give a fuck.

What’s wrong with me?... Found myself spreading my finger and thumb on some food packaging cooking instructions hoping to zoom in and read it.

I’ll start...
.asp : A Shit Pile
.js : Just Shit
.css : Create Shit Screens

Another fucking twat asking for a responsive html email when they are targeting outlook. IT USES THAT HEAP IF SHIT WORD AS A RENDERING ENGINE WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT! It's bad enough having to code them up using fucking tables and spacer gifs. Why do IT people stick religiously to Microsoft heap of shit applications... Oh I know it's because they are so fucking shit that it needs a full time twat just to get them through the fucking day. Fuck Microsoft. I guess you can sense I'm having a bad day, especially when my broadband decides to pack in, on and off all fucking day and the support twat puts me on hold then fucks off. FML

Hey there :)
Just downloaded the app and already love the community. Hehe ^^

Thinking of auto adding ‘you dumb fuck’ to every email I send to a client. Fucking useless time wasting bastards.
Example: I’ve forgotten my password for the cms can you send me a link to reset it.

The login page has a link clearly labelled ‘forgot password?’.

I send a screen grab with a big red circle around the link and some polite text, which I was desperate to add ‘you dumb fuck’

I fucking hate Christmas.

When the client rings up saying the website is down. I say can you see any other sites. They say, no, nothing is coming up. It's your internet connection, kindly fuck off!

Wow this app is awesome!

When you read those job ads "Must be able to work well under pressure and to tight deadlines in a busy office etc.."
Who would willingly walk in to such a shitty role. Perhaps if they fired the management things would improve.

Yes! Just installed my old screen saver from about 15 years ago. It's the matrix one, it's updated to work with El Capitan.

Hello World! just joined, yay!

System.out.print("Hello World!")

Urgent email, there's a problem. Fix the problem instantly and email back. No fucking response.

echo "hello world"

!rant
Just decided to (activly) join this lovely community. Thanks for hilarious rants and sometimes great thoughts.

Can't argue with that. :-)

Fuck these stupid frustrating trends. It drives me fucking crazy. Scrolling a website and sections overlap each other, text flying in as you scroll, stuff fading in, images moving over text panels. FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!! I want to read the content, I don't want to feel sick and confused. Clients - DO NOT SEND ME A LINK TO THIS KIND OF WORTHLESS SHIT, SAYING 'I WANT IT LIKE THIS'.
Used sparingly and intelligently, animation can add to the UX, but it rarely is.
Remember the 90's when lazy designers used the photoshop bevel and emboss filter on every fucking thing, the web was contaminated. Cunts.

Hello World! 👋
A newbie to DevRant..

Playing email tennis with a client trying to get to the specifics of a vague initial request. Difficult to do without being patronising and condescending. Having to read and edit my emails to make them believe that I don't think they are a useless fucking incompetent twat.

It came to me, a brilliant idea, a simple solution to an everyday problem and easy route to market. Great, starts looking for domains and writes down idea in full in case i forget. Later that day, picks up 12 year old son from school, tells him my great idea. He told me how shit it was and why straight away.

I could still recall my first Helloworld app written in c++.

Russia’s biggest pharmacy pushes hardcoded localhost testing helloworld shit to production

Not necessarily on here, but Devs tend to bitch about designers and their lack of basic dev skills/understanding (talking about webdev). But when devs try to design it usually ends with a horrendous piece of visual garbage. Respect each others profession and the outcomes will be better. That's why Apple is now one of the most envied companies on the planet.

Goodbye google+, you were totally shit and no-one used you. Piss off now.

This run up to Christmas is the shit. Everything is suddenly urgent. No time to do a proper job. If that isn't bad enough, you are also tasked with thinking up some ideas for family Christmas presents, as if i give a flying fuck. I dont mind the break for the holidays but i fucking hate Christmas but have to put a brave face on and celebrate (what exactly am i celebrating). And no scrooge comments please.

Client wanted a website to offer rentals for her collection of student rental properties. She was adamant and stipulated that it had to be the Rightmove of student lets. I asked her if she had a £million plus budget for the marketing and then some for the infrastructure and mobile app development. She disapeared. Months later I checked the URL she had purchased and it had been done as a free site on wix.com and was a dreadful piece of shit. You just know instinctively that a client is going to be worthless.

WOOOO!!!!! I BUILT MY FIRST FULLY FUNCTIONAL REACT NATIVE APP! Including the release apk that needs to be signed. Took an entire day and more like an advanced HelloWorld.

But the core functionality works... Though not pretty...

Hello world!

When the app development course is all about static websites 🤔

I often find that deadlines are "conjured up" with no bearing on the tasks at hand. It has to be done by this date because the Client goes to France for 2 weeks. Piss off.

How long will it be before clients "get it" the web is a fluid medium it can't and shouldn't be fixed like ink on paper. Unless I do your website as a set of jpegs, you dickhead.

System.out.println("Hello World!");
Console.WriteLine("Hello World!");
console.log("Hello World!");
print("Hello World!)
printf("Hello World!);
cout << "Hello World!" << endl;
echo "Hello World!"

Add some other languages 😁

Mobile first for web

When clients say "I want this done in Wordpress" my stock answer (usually just in my mind) is "Do you mean Turdpress?"

Why do clients send everything embedded in a word document. Can you send me the jpeg? I receive a word document. (It's always word 2003 for some reason).

Microsoft just bought LinkedIn. Time to delete my account methinks.

useless fucking client bastards. i sent an email to all clients 2 months ago about gdpr and the impending deadline. Explaining that they need to update privacy and check webforms and internal procedures etc are compliant. I said I would help them implement any changes to their respective sites. Heard nothing from these fuckers... except this morning an email “what does the new gdpr mean for our website?”
FUCK OFF AND READ MY EMAIL, FOLLOW THE LINKS DO THE RESEARCH AND FUCKING SORT YOUR CUNTING SELVES OUT, I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING LAWYER.

html email test sent to client:
Client: Great but I can't see any images.
Me: You may have "load images" disabled in your email client/preferences.
Client: (a few hours later) can you make it so that the images appear even if "load images" is disabled?

Clients having conversations in their own head then claiming you were there when they said (imagined) it.

I remember the moment when I did something big and it came out ..."Hello World"

Why do they send flat colour logos as fucking jpegs? Indexed png or gif unless you like the artifacting on your shit logo, dickbrain.

Current state of Pound #Brexit

Talk about data protection, I am fucking furious!! A hotel i stayed in recently has sent an email with a scan of my passport and credit card. Do I have any legal rights to fuck them up the arse? The hotel is in france.

It makes me shudder when clients use "pages" to describe a website project and its size.

There was this senior designer many years ago that used to come in late everyday, do fuckall except piss everyone off and then spend the majority of her day on the phone organising her social life. We all hated her, and she knew it. This one day she came in and resigned. As we were all Mac, we quickly invented a nickname for her which was "Type 11" in the old Mac days this error was "Unexpectedly Quit". The sad thing was she was best mates with the owners wife. Everyone in the office was questioned about their meanness and nasty vibes. She didn't quit it was just to get back at us for hating her. 12 years on, I'm self employed and she does marketing in a manufacturing co. We get on really well and she gives me good work. Moral: I have no fucking idea what life is about.

FFS, just because they do it that way on a competitor website doesn't mean it is either good, right or the best way to do it. My next door neighbours car number plate is held on with gaffa tape, im not about to copy that and suggest everyone should do it. Dim fucking irrational, know it all clients. GO FUCK YOURSELVES!! From my research i could probably run your business better than you anyway, your whole fucking outlook is fundamentally flawed. Cunts!

Curious. Who uses .jpeg instead of .jpg and is that because your software is defaulted that way. It just bugs me.

o2 business login. The whole interface is built in flash. Fucking Flash! Can't even login! No fallback. WTF!!! Useless piece of shit bastards.

Back in the day, it was a kind of unwritten rule that you would ++ the ranter when you posted a comment on their rant... or was that just me?

I'm a stupid twat. Spent at least three hours today, all wasted. I had to update a user manual and change all the branding for a system I've licencesd and going to resell to my dumb clients. There was no original to work from only a pdf. Managed to convert it to word but all the formatting was fucked. So set up some heading and paragraph styles, proper header and footer and auto generate TOC's. I did all this without actually reading it, thought I'd get the formatting and branding out of the way first. So after all that I started the job of editing it and updating it. Quickly realised that PDF I converted was for a different but similar system. Tommorow is Groundhog Day.

Get an email from a client, who has been stringing me along for about 6 months, but ringing me up for advice on tonnes of different shit for free. Basically did his original website but his business model has changed to make his existing site irrelevant. Suggested months back doing a simple one pager as a stop gap with key messages. The bastard said no to that "just take it down for now and redirect to my LinkedIn page". He keeps saying we are getting stuff together and we hope to get together in September. However, yesterday he sends an email "we are getting a student in over the summer (not a Dev or designer or anything). Could you recommend any "web builders" so we can get on with the website in August. By that he means those drag and drop fucking pieces of shit website templates full of wysiwyg editors for creating shit typography. I give them free help and guidance and they think that I'm not going to want to smash him in his fucking face for his last email. The cunt.
I have an idea for 'having the last laugh' but I am open to suggestions from some devRanters, all legal of course.
P.S. I post quite a bit here about shitty clients, but I do have a number of really good clients who value my work and experience and have been with me for many years. It's just some that treat the profession with disdain and that they can easily do it themselves if only they had the time. These fuckers then wonder why their businesses fail.

Clients r wankers. He wants to be able to send login details incl passwords in email to his clients when he adds them in the cms. The passwords are encrypted and generated on creation of a new user. Ive told him that sending credentials in email is shit and not secure. The stubborn bastard wont budge, so instead i've put explicit instructions to reset password once logged in with the credentials they send. Any other suggestions?

The piece of shit ‘edge’ is now available on Mac... Yippee!

It’s my birthday today and I shall be doing fuck all, just like I have for all my others.

Got my stickers this morning!

Client: can you put the instagram icons on our websites.
Me: yes, could you send me the links?
Silence for 2 weeks.
Waiting for a bollocking now and I just know it's going to be my fault. Why are people such wankers. I fucking hate my job, the part that involves interacting with wankers with huge egos and no clue about anything.

Radio Fucking One. Shit music and Dick heads talking about TV programmes involving the fake tanned brain dead chavs dating/talking about each other and this bollocks is contaminating our youth and should be stopped. Bastard shit bollocks.

When you've finished a project and the site goes live, you get a message from the client "looking good". To me that implies it's not finished, and I'm expecting a follow up message "can you just..."

Firefox is a useless piece of shit on Mac.

Arghhh, noisy bastards, people who slurp their coffee instead of just fucking drinking it. Fuck off away!

A lesson I learned. Clients can't separate design from functionality. They will piss and main about a feature not working right when what they really mean is the aesthetic is not to their liking.

Being woken up in the afternoon by a client phone call, mouse in hand and a long line of spaces in your code. The benefits of self employment.

Had to ring the UK tax office, have to pay a sizeable amount by 31st Jan, but I have spent any savings on essential living based shit. I was dreading the call, but best to do it before 31st or you get an instant £100 fine. Well I was totally shocked to find a really lovely lady on the other end, she was most helpful and not like the cunt I got a few years back. It just goes to show that two people doing the same job with the same procedures and outcomes, 1 can be a complete cunt and the other kind and compassionate. Moral, there’s no need to be a cunt.

Can you make my shitty campervan into a 6 bedroom mansion with en-suite bathrooms, a games room and an indoor pool. Mobile first... go fuck yourself!!!!!!!

Not happy about the modern wave of apps producing really long file name suffixes rather than trying to stick to just 3. For example .afphoto. It doesn't appeal to my OCD nature.

Spend way too much time crafting email responses, littered with subtle sarcasm and hints at their total incompetence with a gentle push in to what they should be focusing on, instead of sending ridiculous half baked fucking foolish requests.

Hello world in different languages. Everyone can add a suggestion :) . No google translate!!! I give the first ones :)
Only one language per person! 😂

English: hello world

I did a site for a hotel many years ago. They recently had it redone as a Turdpress site, it was terrible, I have just checked today and it redirects to a facebook page. Wondering if this is a trend that I am not aware of. The facebook page, however doesn’t sell the hotel like the website does/can.

SHIT. Power cut, don't know yet how much code lost, train of thought destroyed. 2 hours to wait to find out. Time for a 4g wank methinks.

Why do they ask for a ball park price based on a non existent spec and pathetic meeting ramblings. FUCK OFF.

If ($shit_hits_fan='true') {
$_GET['vacation'];
} else {
echo 'it was like that when I got here';
}

Guessing about 98% of devs on here use all lowercase for their usernames.

I changed IP address of the domain A record to point to his new site. Told him it could take a day to propagate, but usually fine in a few hours. 2 hours later... "Microsoft is pointing to new site but Google isn't". I have to make some assumptions here, who else calls a browser by its fucking parent company, that is if he is talking about that or search engines. Anyway just sent him my favourite wiki link on how to clear browser cache and hopefully he will fuck off indefinitely.

My 12 year old bag, now with graphics, goes with me to client meetings and acts as a deterrent for clients talking shit/fake knowledge or cliches.

WYSIWANK
Why do they not know this? Spending the time to create beautifully crafted css for bullet lists, only for the client to ignore the bullet list icon in the cms and put some shitty keyboard bullet causing the display page to luck just plain shit. Fucking useless wankers (why do i bother). That's why wysiwyg blocks in cms are a cunt in the hands of fuckwits.

Hi there, wassup, I am new to this platform, say hi to me in the comments!!

string helloWorld = "Hello World!";
System.out.println(helloWorld);

Hello World ! ; -)

Hello, everyone! I finally got to writing my first post. I'm not going to be writing any rants, just liking other people's posts. Good day.

Looking forward to getting my head around cssgrid, browser support looking good, soon be ready for primetime.

When coding all night and your second monitor packs in...

Hello *

FaceTime is not instant access in to my space. I can ignore that too. Every time you want to tell me you've sent me the logo sets me back 15 minutes. Do I really need to fucking see you to tell me that shit. It's not for you to reel off a load of requests either... when you have finished don't you here me say "put it in an email and I'll get back to you". Stop wasting my fucking time. FaceTime.

To the cunts that build ‘news’ stories with an ad block every few paragraphs, but don’t define the space in which they sit so whilst you are reading the text will suddenly jump as the ad is loaded, this continues as you scroll down the page. Just fucking stop it!

Wozniak, Apple don’t give a shit about what you think, they didn’t 34 years ago when you left and they certainly don’t today. Please stop commenting, you are irrelevant.

Am I bad? I charged a client for an SSL Certificate and installation, but just used LetsEncrypt instead, cost me fuck all.

function helloWorld() {
/**/var message = 'Hello world';
/**/print(message);
}

Great (but clueless) client. I went to a meeting with the client to discuss a way forward for his website revamp. First off he showed me his idea, which was a visual of the Windows desktop, with folders for different sections of the website, click on a folder and it opens revealing the different website pages. It went on basically describing how windows works. When he'd finished I said, with a cheeky smile, "that must be one of the fucking shityest ideas I've ever heard". We both started laughing.

I had the old "got this great product I've developed, but can't afford a website, could you do it in exchange for a percentage of profits?"
Look, it's your product, I have had no say in its development, or quality or how you market it etc. I do websites and the website will do exactly what you want it to do. I couldn't give a fuck wether you sell one or a million. It's not my risk. Pay me for a site and I'll do it.

LAMP site. Client: Can you stick it on a USB stick, I need to show it at an exhibition and there's no internet. Me: If I had your laptop I could potentially replicate the server set up to run it locally. Client: I just want it on a USB stick?

I once went to a client to get a brief for a website (the twat can't be bothered to write it, so he gets me to do it). I wrote all the details down and fired as many questions as I could. When I got back I wrote up the notes into a brief and sent it back to check before I costed it. He said it was spot on, so I sent an estimate. A few days later he must have shown it to another director, they both call me on speaker phone. Them: Will it do this, will it do that? Me: "It" doesn't exist, if you want to add some requirements then write or extend the brief and I will re-cost it.
They ignored that and rang a little later. Them: We have been discussing it, will it do .... and will it do.... Me: I repeated what I had said earlier, but my tone of voice had changed to reflect my annoyance. I never heard from these pathetic twats again. Moral: I always do background checks on a company, as well as accounts and financials check it's good to tap in to your network of colleagues, designers, freelancers. It can set the alarm bells going long before you commit any time.

Woke up this morning from a stressful week, thought fuck it and booked a nice hotel in York with a pool for me wife and son. Just enjoying yet another pint after an enjoyable day. Ready for the fan covered in shit.

Don’t ring me up all nasty asking why these other domains that you never told me about don’t “work”... and you don’t have dns access ‘cos you don’t know what it is and I need to speak to some geezer from another company that you fired. FUCK OFF, now I have to do some whois fishing to find out the shit you are blaming me for.

Surely you can add the tracking number to the URL in the text message, rather than having to go back to the message to copy and paste the tracking number into your website. Royal Mail.

Grrr... pesky work deadlines interfering with devRant

Coming to the end of a project and set up Wunderlist to do a snag list whilst testing, decided to involve my client, which worked out great initially but now they started adding features to it. Now in a situation of explaining that feature additions at this stage require a proper functional spec and costing as they may mean a rewrite of existing code and could derail the project. Are all clients dim or just mine?

I just can't use a trackpad. I've tried many times, tweaked all the settings but always end up plugging in a mouse. Maybe it's because I is shit?

Pet hate... Designers supplying flats with "click here for some shit" "to contact us Click here". There should never be an instance when you use the words click here. Besides being really bad shit for many reasons, how do you click on a touch screen. Lazy bastards.

I started working officially, schedule is shitty till now. I hope it improves soon.
Maybe I will be able to properly rant from now on.

I’m shocked, some of the hideously embarrassing questions these dim mother fucking senators have been asking Zuckerberg. Is this for real?

Drove past the offices of a company that I am in the final stages of completing a website for. The sign on the building says To Let. I've been paid just under half up front, i have a solid contract but I'm fucked if they've vanished. I'll have to get to the bottom of this. FML

Interested to know if anyone has ever clicked on an advert (on purpose) to buy some shit from the internet? And if so what was it? To me adverts on the internet are like flies hovering around your food, especially news sites.

Arghh! Designers, why, when you have the actual content, do you design for the content that you can make look the prettiest instead of the content on most of the documents which would not fit your design. Assess the content and design to the lowest common denominator. You lazy, useless cunt!

Site live for over 8 months, client contacts me saying a web form is not working. Check through code missing $ on a variable. Shit, it must never have worked. Checked through error logs and sure enough its been bust since it went live. I changed the variable to pull in their email address rather than mine when i pushed it live and missed off the $. Trying to think of a plausible and client friendly excuse.

!rant
Birthday today, got a dolce gusto pod coffee maker. Just trying the different flavours before i settle on one and put in an order for a couple thousand. Not bad so far.

I always enjoy it but I don't know if anything has compared to the feeling of accomplishment I got with my first hello world!

Doing it manually, is less stressful and much quicker. It cant be that hard to add something to a calendar. You fucking worthless piece of shit Siri.

The shittiest thing a sales guy has said in a meeting/client meeting.

using System;

namespace HelloWorld {
class Hello {
static void Main() {
Console.WriteLine("Hello World!");
}
}
}

So, yeah, hello DevRant...
But that you don't thing I am insane, I also know how to survive in C++ and Python.
Besides the fact that I utilize Mono on my Linux server I am crazy enough to admin Windows servers.

Can I have a spec?
Just do what you did before
Fuck off!

1 login, the whole of Google. So why have I got 8 then?

Go for a piss and your pen gets stolen.

Shit, loads to do, but I have man flu. I can't concentrate for more than a few minutes. I've decided to abandon all hope of doing anything today. Daytime TV, how shit you are, sometimes shit is exactly what I need.

Fuck off chrome you faulty fucking excuse for a browser.

When the client wants to go live with his website and there are big gaps in content. I have told them every Monday for the past 3 weeks that there are big holes in content and they need to go on the Cms and start populating. Nothing happens and he keeps on asking when can we go live. Fuck fuck fuck them all.

Day 9 of non smoking (attempt no. 16). How do people cope without smoking? its so difficult. After phone call with client... go for a smoke. Get off plane/train go immediately to smoke. Done some good code/solved something, go for celebratory smoke. Have a rehearsal with my band... go for a smoke. Go to the pub...go for a smoke. It’s woven in to the fabric of my existence and unpicking it is a long and painful task. I don’t do the e-cig thing. I don’t want to swap addictions.

When the online invoicing software you have used for the last 4 years gets a major upgrade, only to find there's a massive feature cull and the interface is prettier but far less intuitive. Time to look elsewhere :-). Pity, I loved it and got tonnes of people on to it.

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
- Charles Babbage

No matter how many times, or whichever way I explain, he still doesn't get it. Are people so fucking blinkered they do not want to listen, or even read what you write. Back story, produced some web design visuals for a client, and fortunately he had the good sense to listen and employ a copywriter. She had the first draft done when i was putting together the styling, so i placed actual copy on the visuals. 2 weeks pass, still no answer. I send the same email to him, every 4 days and cc his PA for good measure. Finally, he says he wants to make some tweaks to the copy. I explain that any copy changes can be done via the CMS once the site is built, and can I proceed and build the site? He replies I need to make changes to the copy first. I explained again about the difference between the visual and the actual website, same response. You Fucking Infuriate me! Cunt!

What's the longest project you've worked on (in a passage of time type measurement)?. Mine' s a client website, 2 years (so far) in the making. 1 complete redesign, and re-written vast chunks of CSS and code because some of it was shit (2 yrs ago). Now it's super efficient and looking good. Still not finished though. Fortunately they know it's their fault and they have paid up to date, we are at double the original estimate now. I have not moaned at them because they have not moaned at my charges.

Arghhh. Fucking hate when clients can’t be bothered to write an email but instead ring you up and spout off a load of important information regarding a project you worked on last week. When you are deep in another project, and expecting me to give answers. JUST FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD! This twat does it all the time.

Apple just changed their file system to apfs across the board, but no recent documentation on the release. It automaticalky changes from hfs+ when you install the macos 10.12.4 update. In early docs it says that time machine is not supported, but surely they cant kill everyones short term backups?

When you take a job, take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with — because the odds are you’re going to become like them, they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.

Suffering from concentration, meaning my coffee is cold. I can’t drink cold coffee, it makes me retch. That’s the second cup today I’ve let die on me. It’s pissing me off now.

Well done Rami, you absolutely deserved it!

3.5 fucking hours wasted. Trying to get a fucking webform to post using smtp and swiftmailer. Fucking webforms, I fucking hate them. Done it now though.

A twat working for UKTI (UK trade and industry, paid by the government) is advising businesses to have either a Wordpress site or a magneto site. What kind of fukwit fool cunt is this guy, that's not advice.

Drinking Fireball and wanking.

Soooo.... I'm back after 8 years 😅 Is DevRant still alive? I tried to log in, but I had some problems and I thought "now it's in readonly mode", but finally I'm logged in... and this is my first (1) rant!

When you are asked to fix a bug without causing regression....

I got a message from a friend "I've just upgraded to Windows 10 and it locks on the login screen, what should I do?" Being a good friend, I promptly gave him the solution to his problem, so I replied "Get a Mac".

Do people still use mouse mats? I thought they came about 'cos of the rolling ball mouse which are now mainly in landfill.

Some backstreet fine artist come designer came to me wanting a website, her brief was a moonpig.com but for wedding stationery. I asked her if she had a million plus marketing budget for launch and a shit pile of cash, or was it just really some simple website that people can hire you to design bespoke wedding stationery. In the end she agreed it was just another basic website for peanuts. Either way the answer was fuck off, use squarespace or some other shit that you can fuck about in and cut me out of the process, I don’t want your tiny pittance and months of can you just.

Jeez, it can be done! Thank you CSS, i really thought it wasn't possible. My bacon is saved. (Overriding an inline style, javascript generated, from a linked style sheet).

Client: I'm trying to upload an image in Cms but it won't allow it.
Me: let me try, (I successfully upload a jpeg). No problem here, could you send me the file?
Client sends someshitfile.jpeg
Check system, allowable file types .jpg, gif, png.
What piece of shit software generates .jpeg instead of .jpg?
Added to list of allowable file types.

Outside photo of desk/setup or laptop.

For all those that stop reading after 6 words, I have changed the order for you. 😀

Is waiting for an email a good enough reason to do fuck all and go on devrant?

Find myself scrolling past image based rants. For obvious reasons.

Why is it that people who can't do anything call the shots? Devs should call the shots and the fuckers should listen.

Run out of coffee

This'll come in handy.

Gonna get some shut eye so I can do an all nighter, but not for code, need to watch the election results. (UK).

looks like devRant has gone April Fools on the ++’s

Has anybody ever met anyone in marketing that knows anything about marketing?

95% of people use only 5% of the capabilities of Microsoft Word. The 5% that do know it’s capabilities use a different piece of software instead. According to statistics I just made up.

POP mail, I just prefer it over IMAP, but I am probably the only one, and my reasons are questionable. But I care not.

devRant suggestion: Comment Bump. Bump up the comments on a rant, the ones with most upvotes get bumped up to the top. Possible pitfalls, where comments have replies which could break the order and make no sense. I guess I just talked myself out of that one. Meh.

Who needs Stack Overflow when you’ve got chatGPT?

Youtube UX on iPhone. Fucking annoying! In fact google or alphabet have completely disengaged with the user on virtually everything. It's not a game, people have to actually use this shit.

Suit on, tie on, first meeting on a web project I quoted on 16 months ago (and won). frantically wading through notes and quote from the time. Think i’ll just wing it and up the price a bit.

Dearest Friday, where art thou?

They need to get rid of the Cook and employ a Chef.
It used to be creativity, foresight, instinct manifesting itself in great innovative design and software. Now we have everything focused on chasing the $. Just like Microsoft used to be, until that is they realised. Now Apple is the old Microsoft and Microsoft is the new Apple.
I live in hope.

Can someone explain why the IT dept thinks that sending form mail from their website via smtp connection using a specific email account credentials (iffice365) for their domain and the ip address of the website included in the domain spf should be classed as an important security issue and we should find an alternative method of sending the form mail?

Been here for quite a while now and eventually made an Account.
It cannot be said often enough:
DevRant is awesome!

following: mandatory "Hello World"

import System.Drawing
import System.Windows.Forms
f = Form()
f.Scale(.6,.45)
f.Controls.Add(Label(Text: "Hai wurld!", Location: Point(60,30)))
f.Controls.Add(Button(Text: "KTHXBYE", Location: Point(50,55), Click: {Applikation.Exit()}))
Applikation.Run(f)

Tried to build a simple HelloWorld with Spring-MVC. After 6 hours still failed to configurate all Tomecat, Ant and Spring files...

Tell the client to fuck off

Need a dirt cheap tablet for basic bedtime needs, reading, surfing, mailing, movies, music, devrant for less than £100.
Amazon just released the fire HD8. Perfect. Ordered.

Somebody needs to look at the whole user admin side of all of google products from a users perspective. Then realise what a disjointed dysfunctional, horrible, confusing, pile of shit it all is. I would say the same for zoho, another example of how to put as many obstacles in the way of doing straight forward tasks.

Fuck Memes...

yesterday morning, released the first wave build of a website to a client, still loads to do but it shows progress. working from my own approved design flats so building it is speedier. no response all day, fearing the worst, finally at 11:10 pm she texts my “love it!”. fucking relieved! waiting for the email today “but... can you just...”, there always is one!

Wrote a detailed spec, costed and agreed. Meanwhile client and designer agree upon half baked designs that only vaguely resemble the spec. Don't worry though, I have balls. I'm not a yes man. Will put them both straight (again) on how the fuck we do things if it involves me, incompetent twats. Will soon be calling the shots again. Ha ha, it's either that or I fucking walk.

My teacher wants me to run HelloWorld Application made in Android Studio ._.
First of all, its f**king huge in size
Second, we thought that only Chrome was notorious for being ram hungry.

ERRRR MAAAAH GAAAWD CRINGE!!

They want you to go paperless (cos it saves them shit loads of money, and the shareholders like to count it all day long) not for environmental reasons. But their shitty, flakey online banking system is always down or having technical problems. Fucking sort it out!

Why the industry jumped on photoshop as a web design and layout tool is beyond me. It's like trying to stir coffee with your thumb. I'm a descent photoshop user but have always used inDesign in web mode. Far quicker for chucking around layouts and options (as page). It also exports as rgb png's either full pages or selections with or without transparency (at any resolution). Which are perfect for then optimising in Photoshop (Pixelmator these days) or any other less costly image editor. I hand code my sites then in Coda, love it.

Day ruined, cos some fucker paid to do something has fucked up and delivered, 3 days late, a crock of shit. I spent fucking ages with clear instructions and everything to avoid this fucking situation, yet here we are. Fuck shit fuck tits wanker.

Fucking fuckwits! I sent a digital contract to sign online via hellobonsai.com. The client said he hadnt recieved it. After resending and pestering him he finally signed it, but not in the way a normal person would. He printed it out, all of it, signed it, scanned it and generated a pdf to which he emailed back to me. It would have taken 3 seconds to digitally sign it. I wondered if his secretary had done all the scanning and shit.

Finding a bug that wont trigger an error but will deliver incorrect results, but only in certain circumstances and has only come apparent after the site has bern live for 6 months.

You turn in to a detective trying to determine what triggered the wrong result, what the client changed/added/edited in the cms and work from there.

After much investigation it dawns on you, you then find the bit responsible in your shit code and fix it.

Then feel extremely elated at how cool you are, but no-one gives a shit.

Back to work.

That’s why I play bass guitar, do some cool licks on stage and its instant gratification, glad I have that... and devRant community.

maybe I should learn how to code properly as well.

All those dials, buttons, settings, options. It's a fucking washing machine, why can't I put washing in and press fucking wash.

Flock ...the new Slack?

Gonna rant about graphic design 'cos it's where I started this journey.
The hardest people to design for are creative people, photographers, musicians, artists etc.. because they think graphic design is just a small extension to their existing skills. Please Fuck Off! Also same goes for developers, graphic design is a discipline you have to study and takes years to perfect the art. I find it examples of non designed 'design' every day and it sickens me. Just look around at all the shite van livery, bad logos, shit menus, fucking junk mail etc... sometimes it can be torture....

But I don't think coding is easy, I respect the art and learn constantly, it amazes me how typing some shit can make awesome things happen. Devs rock!

Underlining has kind of died as a method of emphasising things, especially on the web, for obvious reasons. But put a WYSIWYG in front of a twat and.... What the fuck goes through their tiny minds?

getting pissed the night before, enjoying a sleep at my desk, informed that the boss was on his way back from our other office.

"helloworld!"

A couple of months ago I watched all 3 seasons of 'Halt and Catch Fire'. I thought it was excellent. If im honest I enjoyed it more than mr robot (and I loved that). Still not seen Silicon Valley though (it's gonna cost too much).

Google fonts, linking to open sans regular (400) displays open sans condensed. How shit. Discovered that if you have open sans installed on your Mac this is what happens. Fuckit. I'll host it myself.

Done this a few times.... Client emails, there's a problem with the website and basic details. I check website and quickly fix said problem. Email back, it's fine for me, try refreshing the page or clearing the cache.

We should have a code name for the old clear cache routine. Any ideas?

Am I missing something here? Lets Encrypt auto renews SSL every 90 days....BUT it will fail if you have .htaccess re-direct set up to https. So you would have to switch off the https redirect, manually renew, then switch it back on again. Thats fucking crazy. I can’t find a way round this. The hosting co set this up but are encouraging people to buy one of theirs when the renewal fails. a cunning plot to get more of their own SSLs. Any ideas?

My only question is: how did I accidently find devRant and how can I be an active part of it now as I found and love it? :D