!rant Yesterday, I picked up a plate with a single fork on it and managed to drop the fork in such a way that it landed on my foot and drew blood.

How y’all doing?

Cooking.

Murderous cooking.

Anger management cooking.

Joke aside, I mostly have no clue what I'm doing.

Cooking and gardening (sadly no longer a possibility) are two thing where my brain goes out and I just do it.

It has happened more than once that this has failed... But most of the time it goes surprisingly well.

I'm absolutely not an accurate or refined cook.

I hate cutting stuff "even sized"… I hate when it looks perfect. I hate swiping off drops of the plate so it looks more refined....

So yeah, it might look like puke. But it's tasty. XD

Im thinking about leaving my employer because I keep getting way too much work on my plate, people get annoyed that its not done in time and tell me that i should tell them if im getting too much work.
So i tell them its to much and our deadlines are to tight, then i just get told "this is how we always work, we just gotta finish things faster and better"...

Another one is that our HR/office manager keeps bugging me about setting up SMART goals so i can prove my value to the company and that its my responsibility to do so if i want a pay raise (even if im already underpaid)...
Im sorry but if you wanna keep me, you gotta give me some damn incentive to stay...

Ive been putting up with it sofar because i like the office and the people and the majority of the work itself and i really dont wanna go looking for another job because im really bad at it... but wtf... im so done with all the "how does this work" questions too...

tl;dr: getting negative reviews because im bad at my own evaluation is gonna make me quit probably, while im being praised for all other work i do

Stakeholder: Is it possible for you to set up the website to automatically resubmit failed online orders? Last time there were failed orders, we tried submitting manually but a lot failed because they were tickets for the previous day.

Product Manager: What are your thoughts, Developer?

Me: This wouldn’t be worth the labor. It’s something that would rarely be used. There are very few orders that fail. I’d be surprised if it was even once a week. The recent bunch of order failures that SH is talking about happened because the ticketing server (separate from the website) couldn’t handle all the requests. Let’s say you had resubmission logic to try 3x before allowing the fail. It wouldn’t work because the server was overwhelmed already. Let’s say you had a background task to check for failures every ten minutes and resubmit those. It might not be helpful because the customer could have already gone to a ticketing window for help with the failed order.

SH: But what if it happens again???

Me: The solution is to make sure the ticketing server can handle the influx of requests. We can coordinate with that team. Wait. Why did you wait until the next day to resubmit orders in the admin panel? A lot of those failures happened when there were many hours left in the business day. For each order failure, an email notification is sent to the sales support email in real time. Who is monitoring that inbox? Someone must be looking at it because the sales support email is listed multiple times on the ticketing website as the technical assistance email.

SH: I know that email notification goes to the engineering team.

Me: My question is not about the engineering team. I asked who is monitoring the sales support inbox.

SH: That email … gets filtered.

Me and Product Manager: 😧🤯🤬

PM: First, you need to stop filtering that email notification. Second, your team needs to come up with a flow to handle failed orders because you told us you don’t have one. After you tried this and there’s still an issue, then we can revisit.

—-
If you’re wondering why I said no, I’m a team of one and I have a bunch of other development tasks on my plate. I’m not automating a manual task that rarely has to be performed.

Holly fucking crap
After my review meeting on friday last week this morning was called again by our technical manager, accounts manager and sales manager set e down

TechManager: Ok so after our meeting we deliberated with the rest of the management board
and we decided to add more responsibility to your plate
AcManager: yeah we feel that you can be of assistance to the organization
TechManager: Yeah our technical department is short stuffed and since you also do technical stuff we want you to also be taking charge of the department whilst I'm not in the office...
But we have some areas we are not happy and those areas will need to be improved on
any questions?

Me: No
(thinking: ok this is an opportunity for me to ask for a raise )

!dev !tech

it's 2 am, nd just out of curiosity i put on earphones and tried to dance on a romantic couple song . interestingly, my life has been so single and restrictive that I can't even imagine holding hands of someone , nd that feels a bit sad.

after being burdened with the family ethics, relgions, family fights and financial crisis for so long, i feel i have lost a personality that i should have had.

1. i have lost the sense of random naughtiness and unnecessary bravery/arrogance. from what i know, the best way to reach your path is to remain focused on it. unnecessary acts of curiousity or nuisance leads to fights, frauds or worse.
however, people enjoy life by doing unnecessary banter, gossips, nuisance and having fun with unknown things, people and surroundings.
i guess this makes people a likeable/interesting character in social scenarios as me being an alert dog trying to focus on resching the party place, have a safe party and come home at time becomes a less interesting character than the guy entertaining everyone by his stupid talks in the car.

2. i have lost sense of compassion or showing love , expressing love or doing things out of love and not just for transaction.
From what i heard, people in relationship are clumsy to the max level. messages every 5 seconds, random acts of flirting, teasing, playing hard to get, what not.
i ... am simple. if i like someone, they are gonna know in 5 seconds (which is followed by a lifetime of awkwardness, so i have stopped even letting this thing to be known). physically nd financially i have enough resources and plans to be a good person to be with : i can be helpful in situations, am always up for doing anything interesting and have reputable personna. but expressing via those sugary baby talks is not my ☕

3. I haven't gained any passion for anything. i see people having deep thoughts on their passions for poetry, music, dance , guitar, travel, political alignment, causes, or whatnot.
i am not that much passionate towards anything because life doesn't give everyone the chance to choose passions.
i sat with my father in a flea market selling stuff. that wasn't passion, that was a necessity. for me, money>>study>>>anything
i am only passionate about having food on my plate and a roof over my head

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so all these things makes jack a boring person. i jave been chasing money so much that i question everyday of its worth it, as it's currently just being used to battle with the financial crisis while having a little bit in savjngs to enjoy life. but am so much worn out by this pressure of earning money that I don't even know how to enjoy life or have someone to enjoy life with , so its even more pointless to increase that limit.

i do try to explore the things i like : dance, singing, traveling, working out but not at the level that those attributes define me

#awkward_loney_life