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An entirely typical exchange at work:
PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?
ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?
PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.
ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.
PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.
ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.
6 hours later…
ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.
PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.
ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?
PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.
ME: Babelsets?
PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.
ME: There are users!?
PM: Of course!
ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.
PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?
ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?
PM: Yeah.
6 days later…
ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?
PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.
ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!
1 hour later…
ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.
PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?
ME: What cron?
…
ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.
PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.
ME: Right. I’ll change it...
PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.
ME: What visual?
...53 -
Never let customers define the priority levels. It will end in:
- Normal (never used)
- High (used for small text changes)
- Higher
- OMG fix now
- Highest
- the World is ending if this doesn't get fixed now
- different existential plane of priority
- Priority ∞ + 118 -
Project manager: I thought you said you made sure it was live today! I'm going to have to explain that you're the main issue with why it isn't live to management!
Me: have you cleared your cache?.... (long silence)
I swear it's the new "have you tried turning it off and then on again".2 -
!rant
I know there are tons of Project Management stuff around, but I'm proud to develop one customized for my personal use.
(Also, it's free 😄)
38 -
Project manager logic, explained with babies.
9 women can have 9 babies in 9 month. We only need one baby.
Deadline is one month!12 -
Last Sunday the boss says:
About this project we are working on, the client stopped paying, so we are not touching it untill we hear back from him.
Spent the whole week learning new technologies, and having a good time.
Guess what happens this morning...
Listen, about that project, they paid and it needs to be delivered by tomorrow morning! shouldn't be a problem, right?
Well actually...6 -
Management: This project isn’t moving along fast enough, you know what we need?
Dev: An additional dev?
Management: No! An additional manager! We’ll have a meeting about it later today.
Dev: …7 -
Act I
Me (Lead Developer), Boss (Head of IT), CEO
> enter stage left CEO
CEO > "Alright Boss, give it to me straight. Are we going to be able to release app x by this date?"
Boss > "Yup we'll have a beta release on that date"
> exit stage right CEO
Me > types long email to Boss outlining exactly why we won't be able to release app x anywhere near that date, beta or otherwise, because:
1. We have a development team of 2
2. I've never developed an iOS app before
3. Developer 2 is still trying to understand git, because
3a. Developer 2 isn't even a developer (but he's doing iOS front-end so w/e)
4. We don't have the required database systems in place
5. Or CRM
6. Or CPQ
7. We'll need to conduct a security audit
Boss > "yeah, but CEO is gonna need to hear that date a few more times before he can fully understand"
Me > *internally screaming BUT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM THAT AT ALL*
"ok cool just glad we're on the same page on that one"5 -
In the project management system we use with our clients I see file named, 'instructions for backup.'
I open the file and all it contains is my name and phone number.😑4 -
Heard a fun quote from a project manager today:
"Naaah we don't need tests, that project is so small it wouldn't be worth it"
Seconds later: "Why does this keep breaking all the time and we only notice it once deployed?"8 -
Worst experience: had a verbal fight with pm because his poor management overworked me ( I was working on the same project till 10pm every day for 4 days with no OT pay)
Best experience: I stepped up against an abusive pm and told him to fuck off to his face.12 -
Our project Right now 😂
Original deadline for project was April, we're in August and we're still in Shadow :p
2 -
When you are talking with Client and he wants alert that you can't use password because it's already in use...
5 -
Boss: here is a mac project, we have not enough time.
Me: what? I didn't not work with Mac and related languages ever!
Boss: yeah, but you are senior developer, this is not supposed to be that difficult to you..
Me: *moment of silence* just tell me who taught you it and project management. because you are the stupidest shitty boss that a developer could have4 -
Dev: we have two days until go live. We got 20 bugs, 5 stories and two people on holiday.
PM: ok so could we get these 3 stories squeezed in as well?2 -
Q: WHO THE FUCK USES EXCEL FOR PROJECT MANAGEMENT?
A: My Product Manager
Excel because she cant wrap her head around using Trello. WHAT THE FUCK!
Some people exist just to make things more difficult for everyone else. Fucking pain in the ass.
This person is one of the most incompetent one I have ever met.
I dont have enough words to express my rage right now.13 -
If your manager asks for a "rough time estimate" for a project, there is a higher than 99% chance that your answer will be written down and be used in presentations of project roadmap to upper management and/or marketing, who will create a hard deadline based on your rough estimate and communicate this to customers/clients, and then blame you for not keeping the deadline when it turns out (as it always does) that the rough estimate was off by several months because feature creep caused by upper management.3
-
Feeling like I've gone back in time about 15 years!
Just told my CTO about various improvements we could make to the development process. Things like git, continuous delivery, agile project management apps such as Jira, task management such as Gulp, etc.
His response - "never heard of them. I bet they'll pass in a few months. Just another round of fads".7 -
Dev: This is the first version of this new app, we’re still experimenting with how it’s going to work but initial headway is looking promising. It cost very little to make, came together very quickly and is already resulting in productivity increases for users. We’re just doing a bit of code cleanup now and we’ll make a move on the next iteration.
Corporate IT: This project is being completely mishandled! In order to successfully build an app you have to determine every single requirement beforehand! It takes millions upon millions of dollars due to the complex system of governance and approval that needs to exist. Massive numbers of stakeholders need to be involved and coordinated to even make so much as a login screen! I bet your project doesn’t even have a documented list of core values.
Dev: Has you ever successfully built an app using that methodology?
Corporate IT: 😡 That’s a loaded question. I went to school to study project management and have over 25 years of experience in the field. If you had the training and experience I do you would know that tech projects are naturally very volatile and there’s nothing you can do about that!
Dev: …7 -
Project coordinator blames our team because client said we failed to "align" with other teams.
Coordinator.
Project. Coordinator.
What the actual fuck.2 -
Mate: I think we should use firebase for our project.
Me: why?, I don't think our project require firebase
Mate: I think there should be some use of firebase in our project.
Me: *madly Explains complete project architecture why we don't need real-time database*
Mate: *not accepting* there should be use of firebase, I'll think and tell you
Me: *Flips table* 😡5 -
PO: Here's a small cool feature I thought of, should be easy enough *shows very basic draft spec*
Me: Cool, how does it work for logged out users? What about customers in Spain? Does it work with US sales tax? Do we need to update the privacy policy? Do we have translations? What's the fallback if it breaks? Who will be maintaining the content?
PO: ...
PO: I'll get back to you
*never hears about feature again*4 -
Juste design a new algorithm to evaluate the chance of a project (any kind of project) will exceed the budget (time of cost). This algorithm been proven to be right almost all the time.
-
Programming is a lot like playing video games. It challenges you to beat quests/tasks and hunt enemy bugs while providing boss levels in the form of large projects with tight deadlines and project managers who like to move the goal posts.4
-
Alright I get the importance of project planning but having a Sprint meeting at 7am is just insane.1
-
The next big trend will be in the area of project management:
The Waterfall™
Agile has been abused to the point where The Waterfall™ is way more agile! Think about it: It's straight down. No loops, no unnecessary hourly, daily, weekly meetings. No micromanaging. Just one flow. It starts at the top and it's all downhill from there.
Pure efficiency!
Edit: Wake up developers! The management doesn't want you to know this simple efficiency trick!9 -
All those developers complaining about how at their new job there is no source control process, no ci, no CD, no code reviews, no coding standards, no effective project management, next time maybe try asking some questions during the interview stage 🤔
Remember you are interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing you.6 -
Have you ever been so alone on a project that even if everything seems easy, you don't want to work on it because nobody cares about it?1
-
I just lost faith in the entire management team of the company I'm working for.
Context: A mid sized company with
- a software engineering departmant consisting of several teams working on a variety of products and projects.
- a project management department with a bunch of project managers that mostly don't know shit about software development or technical details of the products created by engineering.
Project management is unhappy about the fact that software engineering practically never sticks to the plan regarding cost, time and function that was made at the very beginning of the project. Oh really? Since when does waterfall project management work well? As such they worked out a great idea how to improve the situation: They're going to implement *Shopfloor Management*!
Ever heared about Shopfloor Management? Probably not, because it is meant for improving repetitive workflows like assembly line work. In a nutshell it works by collecting key figures, detecting deviation in these numbers and performing targeted optimization of identified problem areas. Of course, there is more to Shopfloor Management, but that refers largely to the way the process just described is to be carried out (using visualisation boards, treating the employee well, let them solve the actual problem instead of management, and so on...). In any case, this process is not useful for highly complex and hard-to-predict workflows like software development.
That's like trying to improve a book author's output by measuring lines of text per day and fixing deviations in observed numbers with a wrench.
Why the hell don't they simply implement something proven like Scrum? Probably because they're affraid of losing control, affraid of self managed employees, affraid of the day everybody realizes that certain management layers are useless overhead that don't help in generating value but only bloat.
Fun times ahead!8 -
I'm currently reading a course in Project Management and I have yet to find an image in the course literature with a person that doesn't suffers from a headache.
1 -
Something I refer to as the "Lost Cause Syndrome".
Basically you start working on a project enthusiastically with the resolution to write the best possible code. But either one (or some or all) of management, client and colleagues succeed in transforming the project into a comedy (or tragedy, depending on your outlook) of errors.
Then finally, one day you decide that the project is a lost cause and stop caring about it. You end up in a "Let's get this over with and get out of here" type of mindset without making any efforts to improve the situation.3 -
Boss: "Sooo.... How long will it take?"
Me: "Maybe we should agree on some processes and specify your wishes for the new feature first?"
Boss: "Yeah you're right.... But what do you think? Will you get it done til $deadline?"
...
Why am I even trying? Who needs project management anyway?4 -
You need to answer your manager, but don't have a clue, try these randomly:
I'll circle back to you
I will run the numbers on it
Let's go back to the drawing board
Let's touch base in a bit. Ping me
I don't have the bandwidth right now
It's on my radar
Let's put this on the back-burner
I have too many balls in the air right now
I have a lot on my plate
I'll get back by close of play tomorrow
I'll have to deep dive/drill down into this and get back
I have a hard stop at X hours
Let's park that for now
It's in the pipeline2 -
Management: foobar resigned. We need to have a dev who can work the android app project.
Me: You have to find a dev who can work with that stack.
Management: You!
Me: Me?
Management: Yes, You.
Me: Me? Why me? I'm a web dev.
Management: Starting tomorrow you will work for 2 projects.
Me: but..
Management: accept it or..
Me: Okay. -_-
Management:
Me:7 -
doNotMessWithITTeamInAFuckingProject();
Last night me with my team have a discussion with my project team. Currently we have a project for our insurance client building a Learning Management System. The project condition already messed up since the first day i join a meeting. Because since its a consortium project with multiple company involved, one of company had a bad experience with another company. It happened few years back when both of company were somehow break up badly because miss communication (i heard this from one of my team).
Skip..skip... And then day to day like another stereotype IT projects when client and business analyst doing requirements gathering, the specs seems unclear and keep changing day by day even when I type this rant I'm sure it will change again.
Then something happened last night when my team leader force our business analyst to re index the use case number (imho) this is no need to be done, and i know the field conditions its so tough for all team members.
So many problems occured, actually this is a boring problem like lack of dev resource, lack of project management and all other stereotype IT projects had. Its sucks why this things is happening again.
Finally my fellow business analyst type a quite long message in our group and said that he maybe quit because its too tired and he felt that the leader only know about push push pushhhhhy fcking pussy, he never go to the client site and look what we've done and what we struggle so far.
I just don't know why, i know this guy earlier was an IT geek also, but when he leading a team he act like he never done IT project before, just know about pushing people without knowing what the context and sound to me like just rage push!
Damnit, i maybe quit also, you know we IT guy never affraid to quit anytime from the messed up condition like this. Even though we were at the bottom level in a project, but we hold the most main key for development.
Hope he (my leader) read this rant. And can realize what happened and fix this broken situation. I don't know what to say again, im in steady mode to quit anytime if something chaos happen nearly in the future.
doNotMessWithITTeamInAFuckingProject();
1 -
Our company maneuvered themselves into a classic technical debt situation with a project of a second team of devs.
They then left, signing a maintenance contract and now barely work on the project for exorbitant amounts of money.
Of course management got the idea to hand off the project to the first team, i.e. our team, even though we are not experts in that field and not familiar with the tech stack.
So after some time they have asked for estimates on when we think we are able to implement new features for the project and whom we need to hire to do so. They estimates returned are in the magnitude of years, even with specialists and reality is currently hitting management hard.
Code is undocumented, there are several databases, several frontends and (sometimes) interfaces between these which are all heavily woven into one another. A build is impossible, because only the previous devs had a working setup on their machines, as over time packages were not updated and they just added local changes to keep going. A lot of shit does not conform to any practices, it's just, "ohh yeah, you have to go into that file and delete that line and then in that other file change that hardcoded credential". A core platform is end of life and can be broken completely by one of the many frameworks it uses. In short, all knowledge is stowed away in the head of those devs and the codebase is a technical-debt-ridden pile of garbage.
Frankly I am not even sure whom I am more mad at. Management has fucked up hard. They let people go until "they reached a critical mass" of crucial employees. Only they were at critical mass when they started making the jobs for team 2 unappealing and did not realize that - because how could they, they are not qualified to judge who is crucial.
However the dev team behaved also like shitbags. They managed the whole project for years now and they a) actively excluded other devs from their project even though it was required by management, b) left the codebase in a catastrophic state and mentioned, "well we were always stuffed with work, there was no time for maintenance and documentation".
Hey assholes. You were the managers on that project. Upper management has no qualification to understand technical debt. They kept asking for features and you kept saying yes and hastily slapped them into the codebase, instead of giving proper time estimates which account for code quality, tests, reviews and documentation.
In the end team #2 was treated badly, so I kinda get their side. But up until the management change, which is relatively recent, they had a fantastic management who absolutely had let them take the time to account for quality when delivering features - and yet the code base looks like a river of diarrhea.
Frankly, fuck those guys.
Our management and our PM remain great and the team is amazing. A couple of days a week we are now looking at this horrible mess of a codebase and try to decide of whom to hire in order to help make it any less broken. At least it seems management accepted this reality, because they now have hired personnel qualified to understand technical details and because we did a technical analysis to provide those details.
Let's see how this whole thing goes.1 -
- I say the project is shit and it'll be hell for everyone involved
- Management says we'll do it anyway
- Project keeps being hell for everyone involved
- Management reprimands the team for letting hell consume us
- I (again) point out the project is hell itself
- Management maintains it's our fault
- I am Tired™️7 -
A very rudimentary bedroom project management system. Each note is a different section of the program I'm working on.
I do this at night to make extra money, so it's not exactly the best system. It works though.
Have a visual representation of progress somehow motivates me.
7 -
Being me. Fresh out of UNI with a three year bachelor in CS, no work experience. Starts in a big tech company with a lot promise of exciting project etc. Starts in 3 projects with one lead dev and two senior devs.
First month begins. I start by setting up my local environment and read documentations, which is fairly irrelevant and old. One of the senior devs quits.
Second month begins. Lead dev quits as well and the other senior dev having sick leave for the rest of the month. Basically I'm on my own, but thankfully not responsible for the projects.
Third month begins. The other senior dev is still sick. Nobody to help. Now I'm forced to talk to customer with a lacking knowledge of projects. Nobody knows what is going on. Hopefully my other senior dev will come back.
Fourth month begins. My senior have quit as well. I've been assigned as responsible of all three projects now. FML.
Fifth month begins. I begged my manager for help. Got a junior dev to help me with one of the projects. He and I still have no clue what we should do.
What a shitty start to a career as a developer.
Anybody having a similar experience?
5 -
Project Manager comments on all my on-going tickets "any updates?"
And the project manager gets awarded "most productive"
While the tickets I've been assigned can't be closed in just a day
smh4 -
I love to code, it scratches my creative itch
And i love to work, it drowns my productivity anxiety
But I dread every morning when i wake up to work on my current employer's project
It's that kind of combo of code base spaghetti and all over the place project management that sinks my galleys
Woe is me...5 -
I am actually a bit angry that there is no fucking thing to rant about at my new work - no dumb clients, no dumb project managers (I am doing project management with the boss and the company is somewhat startupish) and the project is interesting as well.6
-
Fuck this day!
Like really fuck it!
I have one of the most terrible crunch-time i ever experienced.
I’v been working 12+ hours every day with an ever-changing project timeline.
It started simple, we made a timeline, it was risky even then but it was realistic, we started working immideatly, everything looked good then a few days in BOOM! Actually our project management completely forgot client B’s projects soo we need to do that too with the same fucking deadline!!! (About 10x more work in waay less time)
Then this morning i got an email from the graphics team that we need to document our design process RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Because management wants documentations, in the middle of a fucking crunch-time.
Today it almost got physical with my project manager, i told him that he is not a programmer, i dont fucking care about his shit, just fuck off and let me work because we won’t be ready based on his unrealistic bs.
I feel like completely fucked over, like we were told 2 days before deadline that the whole company and people’s jobs depends on us now because if we wont finish this clients won’t pay.
WE ARE TWO PROGRAMMERS for studio of 10-12 people!!!
Soo i’w been thinking about getting the fuck out of here ASAP, i got an offer from a pretty big international gamedev company just what i needed, i already did their test before all of this, i passed A+.
We scheduled a skype interview for today. I had completely no time to prepare or chill off, just got out of the office, got into a starbucks and i’m interviewing. No time to even check my mic or internet, the call was so shit i could not hear anything, they neither because the plaza was loud af. Meanwhile im nervous about work, about the interview, about can they hear me at all because of the noise. I fucked it up. BIG time! I was so done i could not reverse a fucking string in c++ or explain what is a signed int!!!
Needless to say they said no.
Need time to think about it or realize what happened? Nice dreams. Back to the office and continue working.
I can’t do this anymore. My girlfriend came for me and took me home at 10pm but all i could do was stare at the floor on the subway. I don’t want people to lose their jobs but i just phisically can’t do this anymore.
Meanwhile any time i talk to my project manager about being tired he says like “hshshsbsb i have 60 hours in the last 4 days i got the worst part, i would be grateful in your place..” like fuck off dude, i dont give fuck about how you feel about this. This is not okay for me, you did this to the project, your fucking job is to manage it! I have one day off before going back to this, i have completely no idea what to do now...
[ps: this is not Nemesys. They did not let me work on my own stuff because i would be a competitor, so i left.]5 -
End of the year. Management announced that the project that our team has been working in for more than 4 years, will be killed.
Shit.13 -
PM: Did you start looking into that stress testing tool.
Me: Literally looking into it right now
PM: Ah cool. So you'd be ready tomorrow?
Me: No
PM: Why not?
Me: I literally started looking at the tool. I can't promise anything.5 -
I am working on a project that integrated with Microsoft Dynamics. The D365 team changes the data and API too often. I keep munging the data over and over so that it fits view models.
Yesterday I had a technical discussion with someone that the company installed to coordinate building technical solutions that get shared between projects. This is a problem across all of our Dynamics projects and is a technical one than needs coordinated approach.
The management heard that I am “doing repeated work because the data isn’t stable.” So they decided that it must be a problem with the project manager. The executive decides to use it as a reason to fire him. Which shows me that I can’t talk to even a technical person without risk of project chaos.
After the conversation but before the firing I get an offer letter from another company. I plan on taking it to get away from this crazy company. The project is going to lose their key web developer and also the project manager.
This executive seems to love firing project managers. My other project is on its third PM. My trust for the upper management is basically gone. I can’t even discuss the technical hurdles with a technical person without someone getting fired. I’m so ready to be out of this zoo.
The only downside of leaving is that I won’t have as many stories to tell on devRant.1 -
Q: How many management consultants does it take to finish a project specification?
A: Infinite. And this is not even funny. -
!rant
Just started an internship at a well put-together startup and ended up being in charge of project management as well. Having so much fun learning to be more independent and be a likeable manager. The tech stack in the tag.3 -
Starting new game development project.
Coder:" ok guys, I think that this time we have to focus much more on sprints management and documentation"
Designer:"Ye, this time we should use better scrum software, like jira or youtrack"
Artist:"but Asana has the unicorns when you complete a task"4 -
Code freeze is today but what's this in my inbox an updated spec which needs me to redo everything from scratch again.
Kindly go fuck yourself. -
Yesterday, I and my team built a good hospital management system for Trauma centers containing two apps and two websites.So that the system should contain transparency. But unfortunately, we didn't made a place in top 3 but it was a great experience to build this project with my team.3
-
When company assigned me, an internship student, as only developer for a project that needs data mining on connected hives, back-end alert management, front-end difficult animation management with Microsoft technologies when I was learning C#1
-
12 years in the industry. For significant part of that time, I've juggled leadership roles, project management, customer facing role, testing, hardware debugging, marketing .......
Oh, I also code.
My designation is still a software engineer.2 -
That the most important thing in any project is to first make sure YOU have understood what the customer/management wants and that THEY have understood what you are going to do.
Seen so many projects (other people's and my own) go down the drain because people had false expectations.
Also, good management is enormously important for any medium-sized endeavour. I cannot count how often I have seen mediocre to bad middle management screw things up, and devs pull off overnighters and 60+hours work weeks for this super-important project that then goes to the bin because "it turned out to be not so important in the end, sorry."1 -
Me: *working on a project for a year solo*
Management: Let's move development to consultants
Me: I don't think we'll profit from that
Management: Yes let's do it anyways
Me: *switching between project management and working on another project for 6 weeks*
EMERGENCY MEETING
Management: We're not getting enough output
Me: What did I say?
I'm so fucking tired of this project fuckery. Cred to my boss, she's great, but this time they should've just listened to me.2 -
First course of "Software Engineering", it is full of project management ...
I'm so disappointed ...4 -
I’ve been tasked with finding an experienced Project Manager for ‘a sensible cost’ - no specific budget amount shared.
That sounds like “we want the best, but want to pay very little” right?
It’s a massive project, they said “you developed this, did all the documentation and research, you can PM it right?”
“Can’t we just start making progress and adapt as we go?” They asked.
Sure I said (thinking Agile), but they said I just need to get on with it and let them know when finished! So no stakeholder interaction... this is not going to end well...
2 -
It was 3 months project, but it takes 9... bad management and the client changed his requirements every weekend. I quit the job after it.1
-
Division of my 8 hour work day:
30% Answering Emails
20% Attending Meetings
40% Troubleshooting Bugs
30% Support Calls
10% Project Management
90% Software Development3 -
I applied as a full-stack dev at a private company, they offered me the Project Manager role instead, I took the offer and after 1yr they gave me a choice to choose between staying as a Project Manager or switching to being a Software Engineer/System Analyst. I took the SoftEng position because project management isn’t my career choice for now.
Now people saying I not knowingly chose to be demoted. Is it a bad choice?10 -
We are forced to work on weekends because the management and the project manager loves to kiss the ass of our clients. I was even scolded by working from home.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER AND SHOULDER THEIR INCOMPETENCE IN MANAGING THIS FUCKING PROJECT.
Damnit. God Damnit.5 -
Management wants me to continue building an internal-use dashboard.
and you've guessed it, all functionality to be added will be discussed on-the-fly (so specs keep changing all the time...)...
So now I'm on a strike for this project until I get clear specs -
Today at 'Derp & Co' is the end of the last sprint, no one have close all the task asigned. Myself included.
- that sucks...
Because there are task from previos sprints still in TODO that block other tasks.
- oof
But there is more... Yesterday was the deadline of the project. From today and onwards the client get discount.
- oof (but fair to the client)
Management have in mind AT LEAST 4 more weeks of development.
- But... how... wtf?
In 2 weeks part of the hardware we need for the project will return to the client.
- <smash the door and leave>
Management still is asking if we can do it on time...
- yeah... just call the Doctor, we need a TARDIS ASAP2 -
Boss at the start of a new project: "We could hire an intern to gatter some data in an excel list... You can easily implement that in the application later - right? So can you get us a excel list to fill out? "
No... Just no...
You tell me what you wanna see and how you wanna interact with the application!
In the process we will figure out which data is necessary, I will build some tables in the database for that data and then, !!! not a second sooner !!! , I'll be able to give you an suitable excel list, which includes a complete list of columns for the necessary data in a form I can work with it.
It's not my job to know what data a application needs to make YOUR JOB easier! I'm not a magician! I just love programming stuff!3 -
Management directed a 2-month project including 5 developers, 3 DBAs, plus Q&A to replace a SOAP service that retrieved data from a single table. End result, project lasted 9+ months, 5 spectacular failed 3:00AM deployments, and a WCF service that retrieved data from a single table. Justification? Management wanted to eliminate SOAP, because SOAP uses XML and XML is slow. Thank goodness no one opened up Fiddler to see how WCF communicates.3
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Yes, thank you motherfucker. Please change the fucking specification again one fucking day before the deadline.
These project managers and clients are like little children who can't decide whether they want a lego set or a video game for christmas except little children don't blame santa for their own stupidity.
Guess what? I'm not santa fucking claus and can't do miracles in one day. It's on you little project manager children if we miss this deadline.1 -
I’m being moved from a lead developer role to a lead project management role. Those who can, do. Those who can’t, manage projects of those who can.
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So now Github has their project feature and Bitbucket has integrated Trello [beta].
Any of you guys using those features?
How do you handle your ToDos/tasks?3 -
My university provides advanced education courses and you'll get certified if you pass them. I'm really interested but I don't have so much time, so which one should I pick?
List of courses I'm interested in:
SQL
IT-Security
Project Management
PHP
I'm curious about your suggestions ;)7 -
Management approve new project;
Start the project;
1 week before deadline project += 146 new features;
In dev mind: suicide || kill them all; -
My boss: now that the other project is stable, you can start working on this new one. It has to be built from scratch in Angular.
Me: is there any particular reason we have to make it in Angular? Last one in React+Redux worked very well and I am getting used to it.
My boss: Just to give it a try.
And Angular steep learning curve is not even the worst part. Lack of design and direction is.2 -
I am working as a functional consultant in a project and I setup a source control for a project for better code management....
I wanted to review the code and realized developers have been checking in zipped source code in that....
Checked with Dev Lead and got to know that's how they have been managing code till now in other projects in SharePoint so they are following same practices here3 -
- Pigs flying
- Rats singing opera
- Donald Tump not being a bigot
- Our remote office staff having a clue
... all things I have accepted that are impossible2 -
- have a look at the project
- brake it down into smaller stories
- estimate the time
- multipy it with 1.5
- add 1-3 days of testing
- add 15% project management
- add a 2 days buffer
= be happy with being done in 2 weeks, present it in 4 -
All tech department was really happy when we used Github Projects - managing a project was concise and organised. We loved it.
Then one day, product pushed us all to switch to the fuckin' conglomerate mess called Jira (fuck you Atlassian), which we still hate. So cumbersome, so much unimportant crap features, unintuitive interface, slow .... yes, fuck you Jira, again.7 -
Why python can't into proper dependency management?
I Node.js we use npm. Modules are downloaded per project and packaging is easy.
In Java we use maven/gradle. Never been so easy to build and download libraries and package your project.
But in Python? No, it's not easy. You have to use virtualenv first so pip/anaconda won't download globally, then you must write setyp.py in a million different ways. Packaging and distribution to clients? Good luck with that.21 -
So, in a school project we use BaseCamp for project management.
When discussing about using it I was about to say that I know the guy who built it - but then I remembered he was just in the devRant podcast and I actually don't know him at all!1 -
11:30 in my timezone. Was supposed to wrap-up meeting for project finalization 3 hours ago. Sitting here rn, listening to a coworker in management explain the importance of equal respect for all employees in the company. The Boss has left the meeting because he has "better" things to do. FML4
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Am I the only one who is working on a different project every day? And they're not small projects. All medium sized e-commerce sites (Magento 1&2) with tons of custom made functionality.
Soooo counter productive...
For some reason our PM's think it's the most efficient way to do it this way, even though we said numerous times it causes the opposite result. Having to switch to a different project every day and constantly picking up where you left a week ago is so frustrating...2 -
@lazyDev reminded me of the time my bid for a project was rejected because I'm a white man. Never mind the fact that I have built my career around data management, visualisation and modelling and the only other competing bid was from someone who had experience in mobile development and little else. I checked up on the company and the project just now, and they've posted the project up again. I've made a bid just like I did before, only this time I've tripled my price. Let's see if they change their minds.3
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TL;DR: When picking vendors to outsource work to, vet them really well.
Backstory:
Got a large redesign project that involves rebuilding a website's main navigation (accessibility reasons).
Project is too big just for our dev team to handle with our workload so we got to bring a 3rd party vendor to help us. We do this often so no big deal.
But, this time the twist was Senior Management already had retained hours with a dev shop so they want us to use them for project. Okay...
It begins:
Have our scope / discovery meeting about the changes and our expected DevOps workflow.
Devs work Local and push changes to our Github, that kicks off the build and we test on Dev, then it goes to Staging for more testing & PM review. Once ready we can push to prod, or whenever needed. All is agreed, everyone was happy.
Emailed the vendors' project manager to ask for their devs Github accounts so we can add them to the project. Got no reply for 3 days.
4th day, I get back "Who sets up the Github accounts?"
fuck me. they've never used Github before but in our scope meeting 4 days ago you said Github was fine...??
Whatever, fuck it. I'll make the accounts and add them.
Added 4 devs to the repo and setup new branch. 40min later get an email that they can't setup dev environment now, the dev doesn't know how to setup our CMS locally, "not working for some reason."
So, they ask for permission to develop on our STAGING server.. "because it's already setup"... they want to actively dev on our staging where we get PM/Senior Management approvals?
We have dev, staging, production instances and you want to dev in staging, not dev?... nay nay good sir.
This is whom senior management wants us to use, already paid for via retainer no less. They are a major dev shop and they're useless...
😢😭
Cant wait for today's progress checkup meeting. 😐😐
/rant1 -
I will never work on something interesting within a company, it's always going to be either making a site for donuts or some recommendation system type of capitalistic bullshit.
Maybe, I could become a PM and do category theory at work instead of drinking coffee at the balcony1 -
I know why group work sucked in school. It was a missed opportunity to teach project management and accountability. We’re almost always left to sort it out ourselves.
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If you are the lead developer on a big project, and you want your developers to not hate everything about this project, for the love of God please at least have a build server (it doesn't even have to run tests) and make sure your constant screwing around with Maven doesn't break the build for everyone else.1
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Fuck start ups with large projects with no continous integration setup on git... and very many junior devs including the CTO(Not even a googling guru).... for fucks sake we cant deliver spaghettis as iF we are coding a restauRANT... fuck this shit load of a project....4
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YES!! 3 days till deadline and I am in a meeting discussing core descisions that have not been made yt...
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How the fuck 4 months of design(2 designers) can be developed with 2 months of development work. (1 developer)
BRILLIANT PROJECT MANAGEMENT IDEA6 -
My companies org is in a serious state of disrepair when it comes to project management.
Everything is tracked via conference. Each level of management (CTO, EVP, SVP, BP, S DIRECTOR, DIRECTOR, S MANAGER, MANAGER) all have a different tracking page that all say slightly different things.
To organize things there's a technical project manager who isn't just new to the team, he's new to the field. He's not technical, or experienced in project management. He's never worked within a scrum before.
He's dictating how to organize the teams scrum, and he's getting it very wrong. Decided to organize efforts in all the confluence pages by creating another one for him, again it's different.
When the work in confluence page 3/16 isn't done by a due date anybody knew about, the engineers have to hop on a call and get a Micky mouse solution out the door by the of day so upper management doesn't think the projects off the rails.
In the mean time I've taken a small group of more junior devs and shielding them. We have a side scrum that we manage and is going great, and I'm blocking the BS.
CORPORATE SUCKS. Golden handcuffs are a thing. I might set sail for greener pastures once i don't have to pay back my signing bonus if I leave.7 -
After a long day of project management and endless emails, I would go home and dig through books and online training programs on html and css. A few weeks later I really found that enjoyed the work.
A year later I took the leap, quit my job and went back to school. Great decision. -
Rant
I was given a project to lead and develop with 2 other team members by the co-founder, I was told that I will need to deliver an initial demo within 30 days, 20 days in the project and I was told yesterday that they need a final release ready within the next 10 days !! Not just that but the co founder decided to assign one of my team members to another project!!!
I've worked today till 4am.
Guess who's working from home in the morning!6 -
Our approach is to get a loose feel for what the client wants, lift some visuals from Theme Forest then spend the next few weeks persuading the client to use our crappy server rather than their preferred AWS solution. Then once the project is behind schedule we break the work down into disparate tasks each of which gets a single line brief from the PM (such as 'create admin' or 'do css'). These then get assigned to different devs with no consideration of their skillset. The PM is available for 10 mins every day to answer queries, the rest of the time our devs are expected to work autonomously. Meanwhile we'll tell the client that we're back on schedule and arrange a demo for an impossibly short deadline. We have the mantra ”dont worry about it” which the PM uses to quash any dev's concerns up until the day before the deadline at which point we'll swap some devs on to unrelated work whilst others concentrate on getting "just the pages the client wants to see looking right" (we have a policy of making it look like it works before it actually does.) Following the demo we will announce all the missing features we had forgotten about from the initial undocumented agreement and set the project aside whilst we service another client.2
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When the PM doesn't stop the customer from requesting a bad feature (in terms of user experience / design)1
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I started reading “The Phoenix Project” by Gene Kim. And in the first chapter itself two people from the IT department get fired, and the author is forced to takeover the CIO position. Damn, now I’m shook. Is Tech really that much under appreciated and management that much hostile ?4
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Finally leaving the """innovation lab""" where I worked and was a fucking garbage.
I can now expect a correct project management and a real task list6 -
Whenever you feel the need to rant about your project manager, always remember you'd wish you had one if you reported directly to the CEO.3
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How the hell do I manage time as a dev and a project manager (sorry I'm new to the role of doing both and everything is hitting me all at once, any advice is appreciated)7
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Me: We need to have a developer on our core product
*We fork our core product from a private repo for new projects
Management: No.
Me: But imma die 5years early from stress and anger overdose of fixing the same problems over and over again in every new project we do and still hit deadlines which didn't account for them when we could fix them once and maintain our core product
Management: everything is fine. Lalalalalala
Me: *wonder why every senior dev has left in last few years*1 -
Stayed up coding all night to make sure things worked nicely. An hour before I left work yesterday, received 5 other never spoken off tasks.
none of the communication went directly by me, I just had to hear out the nonsense, but did a complete integration half a year ago
managed to do 3,8 of those task after working out and finishing the first set. became 5am.
might be because I went mental and have synced up 2repo's with idem dito codebase to be up to date to eachother (don't ask me why this is setup this way, I don't get half of their logic, hence why it doesn't work until I silently patch stuff out)
overslept by an hour.. yay me.
inb4 being fired
(no time for a capitalisation and spellcheck on this rant either, 9.30am now, tired af)3 -
When you and your team invested a lot of their weekend time into the project to meet the clients unrealistic deadline and get not even a simple "thank you" from management...3
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I just love it when the management/project office make decisions regarding code language and frameworks and such... just ignore the devs with actual experience...4
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Where to start...
1) them initially expecting us to do 15+ custom websites at once while also doing the Project Management work (including all client communication) for all projects, for $33k a year....
2) Having to pull teeth to get a feeble raise
3) Rude clients1 -
"Hey Boss, the things you are asking for will take one year to develop. Replacing the complete UI with another is not an easy task for our software [due to not having MVC or any kind of code modularisation]."
"Yes, but it needs to be done until november"
"We don't even now the requirements, yet. This will force the complete team into weekend and night shifts, to even get a first working prototype done! From my team lead I expect to be defended against such things!"
"Yes, but I need to make money!"
...5 -
Management: let's be agile... we can all meet and discuss a project that will take more than likely 6 - 12 months but you guys can estimate and create a road map....
Engineer: I'm not sure you understand agile3 -
I can't help but smirk when my company gets a project that requires knowledge on something I warned them about over half a year ago. This happens regularly but every time we have to get that knowledge during the project, costing the customer additional money.
When will management learn that training your employees will benefit them :(3 -
Project management 101:
1) For a new project, pretend it is similar to a project in currently in development
2) Proudly state that everything can be copied from the older project, so the schedule of the new can be tightened
3) Calculate the new schedule based on the "just copy and paste" effort.
4) Now the new project will be finished before the older project
5) Enjoy the applause from upper management for the successful project that hasn't even begun yet.
No, this does not belong in the joke category.
That's gonna be fun...1 -
One week ago I've made a work plane to divide features development day by day, obviously procrastinating
This morning I realized the project release was today
I made an entire mobile app with a plethora of features without bugs in an afternoon.
Never worked so hard in a so limited time without problems.
Loved it.1 -
!rant: I need a little advice from fellow devs. I've come to the conclusion that development is not the right career path for me, but how to advance from here?
I've worked a little over a year as dev/scrum master and lately I've been assigned small project management tasks. I really liked the project management stuff, and I like talking to stakeholders and converting their ideas into well described requirements and development tasks.
But who will hire a junior level engineer with no formal project manager training or certifications?
What kind of jobs could I apply for?1 -
Actual question: Tell me which project management software you use and what you hate about it. What do you like about it, if anything?15
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What would happen if a programmer and a PM had to cut down a tree...
https://twitter.com/i/moments/...
Wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true... -
Very useful!
It's not just about code but the whole package.
Watching great programmers fail miserably at project management, research, documentation, team leading and acting professional is just embarrassing, especially when they slate those who went out to educate themselves.
🎙️ Mic drop, I'm out!2 -
Today, for a feature that doesn't need to be released at all, we had to choose between delivering 2 months later so we could pay the technical debt, or release on time with even more technical debt, and 96% sure this will kill the project.
Guess what?1 -
First time coding in a team for a larger project. Any tips on how to handle this? We're six programmers and its really hard for us to work together :/
It's my first rant. I love the community :D9 -
Identifying when to start a project over because it has gotten out of hand with workarounds and memory management issues.
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Hey I want to ask some react project suggestion that are good for interview as an experienced web developer. I don't want to build calculator :(
Mine list is
ToDo App
Expense Splitter App
CV Management App
ANy Thing else will be welcomed7 -
It's amazing how quickly management can suck the fun out of what should have been a pretty exciting and fun project.
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Hey management,
Please assign me that Node.js project that I'll get to code from scratch and I'm stoked about.
Regards,
Frustrated developer. -
How accurate is this guys ? I came across this reading comments on youtube. The moral of Star Wars rogue one ^^ and project management at its finest...
3 -
When one PM hands you off to another PM and neither has any idea about the project I am supposed to be working on...nor do I have access to the Trello boards, the repos, etc...
Happy Monday 🤦♂️ -
Ever suggest improvements and get shot down at every turn? I was discussing automating our release process today and suggesting that instead of having to do everything manually and babysit the build, we should let Jenkins deal with releasing and the attitude was that we shouldn't even try because we'd spend more time maintaining the automation and wouldn't gain anything. Obviously I disagree, but it seems like I'm always coming up against shit like this.
Our requirements gathering is another point of contention; I think we could be way better at it if we invested more time talking to customers before a project starts but the attitude is to get straight into development and deal with that later.
I don't know why I even bother sometimes...4
