Code I wrote: 15kb
NPM Modules: 198Mb

Current state of NPM packages...

Modern web development is fucked. Just absolutely, totally screwed up.

I want to create a simple to do list web app. Look for a tutorial: "OK guys, this is really easy, it just takes five minutes."

First step, install these:
- Git
- NPM
- NodeJS
- Express
- MongoDB
- Docker
- React

Second step, npm install about one million modules. Don't question what they do or why they're there.

Before you know it, six hours have passed and you've got a code base of 3GB and you haven't even _started_ on your app.

FUCK that shit! I can create this web app with Internet Explorer and Notepad.

Npm lol....😂😂

Junior Dev does npm install, Opens LinkedIn profile and adds Node.js in skills.

npm install

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

Company: "We'd like to use SQL Server Enterprise" MS: "That'll be a quarter million dollars + $20K/month" Company: "Ok!" ... Company: "We'd like to use Babel" Babel: "Ok! npm i babel --save" Company: "Cool" Babel: "Would you like to help contribute financially?" Company: "lol no"

npm is similar to porn: if it exists, there's an npm module about it.

npm i -g npm

Life is like an npm install

You never know what you are gonna get.

Just found out how they generate infinite scrolling text for movies and TV.
npm install *

I just hate npm dependencies.

If you want to write a small website with npm dependencies (some frontend deps like Bootstrap and some development deps like gulp or babel) you will have more npm dependencies in your project than own code. It is ridiculous, how some lazy developers just add dependencies to their projects, without evaluating their dependencies. The source code of one of my projects is around 4MB (without any dependencies). If you then run yarn as required, it grows to around 80MB (where 73MB are node_modules).

This is just terrible.

I rant about this, as I made the mistake to upload my node_modules directories when restoring a backup of my server. Worst idea one could ever have.

So pm2 (a node process manager package on npm) just caused thousands of CI builds to fail because of an "optionalDependency" on a package called gkt which is requested as a tarball from a server that was returning 503. That package consists of one file which contains this

They really got the keywords on point...
Thank you for making my day npm

If I was the creator of npm, you'd be running

`npm please install` instead of

`npm install`

When you found an API for Dominos Pizza on NPM.. I think i eat pizza tonight

Note to self: Don't use npm in a Google Drive folder

Everytime I try to do

`npm install -g`

Me annoying our dev:

Me: “Is your npm watch running?”

Him: “Yes!”

Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”

Him: “....”

I think we gatta let him go :(

Thanks npm

Trying out react. Using npm 3.10

Error make sure you are using the latest version of node and npm

Updates npm to 5.6

It looks like you are using newly released version of npm which is not supported. #FML

Just looking at mustache.js for templating, and I found this on their npm page... enjoy.

Laziest thing!!!??? You better ask me when I was not lazy. Framework here framework there, library here library there.

npm install 29282818 packages

Bye

I just saw

`git add . --all&&git commit -m update&&git push`

as a npm script hook m) I don't even care, just surprised it wasn't named yolo.

$ npm audit

> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)

$ npm audit fix

> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages

> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)

$ npm audit fix --force

> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

Grunt, gulp, bower, webpack, rollup, yarn, npm, requirejs, commonjs, browserify, brunch, rollup, parcel, fusebox, babel,
wrappers for bundlers, frameworks on frameworks, then for css, theres scss, sass, less, stylus, compass, and for templates, handlebars, mustache, nunjucks, underscore, ejs, pug, jade, and about five billion other word-salad tools, all with their own CLIs, each in some way building on npm, but with their own non-congruent little syntax, like no one realized they were reinventing the same problems introduced by domain specific languages, most happy to announce "configuration takes a little time, but it's worth it!"

No, it's not. Just stop people. Just stop. You're not doing anyone any favors by creating another lib, all you're doing is tooting your own horn and self promoting. Use what exists and stop creating more shit for new people to learn, to add to the giant clusterfuck that is the 2019 hotmess known as "web development."

You're not special. You're not important. You're lib or tool will be famous for 15 minutes and no one cares what you've made.

If you want to contribute to web development, do us all a favor and contribute to global sanity by kindly deleting your contribution and any plans to contribute new solutions to problems that have already been solved.

Npm be like....

Npm install -g yarn

2016's version of using IE to install chrome. 🙈

Fuck npm and the whole npm community!
Seriously, what a piece of completely uncontrolled cat litter!

First experience was getting malware from an npm package which I ranted about a while ago. That it can even happen is beyond my imagination.

Second experience was today when our app broke because a fucker who wrote a library doesn't understand semantic versioning.
If you're gonna publish an npm library, please do the whole fucking world a favour and learn how to version your shit correctly, so my app doesn't break! If you do BREAKING CHANGES don't change the fucking last version number you filthy piece of garbage!

Phew, that felt good 😧

Really, I hate this composer / bower / npm shitholes!

Why the hell is my app 300MBs?!? Because that shitty pudding composer decided to download the ENTIRE git including README.md, examples, 5 hours of assembly-giraffe porn, my granny's pajamas and two wraps of kebabs!

How hard is it to define the folder that contains the REQUIRED library so that our project might stay at 5MBs instead of 300?

Hey look, npm broke my project again. Surprise!

Code and dependencies on my local machine, all untouched for a couple of weeks, no longer works. I've no idea how it even managed that.

Oh, and `npm update` crashes.

eventually solved by upgrading npm and running `npm update --depth 500` because some arbitrary child dependencies changed without updating the parent packages, ofc. on my local machine. without me having run `npm update` for about a month.

because of course that makes sense.
Second time in two months, too.

isn't npm great?

Me: This shouldn't take too long.
NPM: Hold my beer. 🍺

Oh yes, I very much like you, Mr. 1337-DevPro-Ultra-Haxxor. Thank you for using a boilerplate from github, that is bloated like some random female pr0nstar after an orgy. Oh and it is also very funky of you, that the setup scripts and tasks only work on Apple OSX, because using a simple gulpfile with 3 npm dependencies and 5 lines of code would not be trendy enough.

Some JS "devs" should be punished by drowning in their own feces aka a mix of bower, yarn, npm, brew and the crusty stuff that is left behind after running it.

When neither you nor NPM think this is a good idea

Does anyone even read the npm warnings?

Why the hell would I apply for a job as a JS developer when you can't even write proper JS? You're advertising on fucking NPM!

Fuck, I just lost a node module name.

A few days ago I had an idea for a node module, checked npm to see if the name was taken and it was not. Today I was going to publish it and found out someone registered it 2 days ago.

Now I'll have to think of another name or publish it under my username...

npm install

(found on Twitter)

the evolution of a js dev:

solve a problem with somebody else’s code

solve a problem with your own code

solve a problem with npm install

Landing Page takes a minute to load...

Web Dev: Maybe I should another npm package to show a loading animation while the site loads... maybe even a small game...

-- So you like npm? Upgrade to version 5 to use its sweet features!

OK. Let's run `npm install npm@5`. Erm, my npm is now a broken mess, not finding `semver`.

-- Well, since you like npm you also will like yarn! It's just facebook's npm. So run `npm install yarn -g`

Yeah, but I wanted `npm@5` not `yarn`.

-- Then just run `yarn global add npm@5`. You then have npm@5.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

And yes, that works.

I'm starting to hate js. Every library needs atleast 1000 other libs. I just blew the node_modules folder to 100mb with just one npm require

First I used to curse Gradle !
Then i started using npm
RIP!!!

Damn... some dude has his full SSH credentials to his webserver in his published NPM package...
I have to tell him 😅

Rule 34.

"If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions." Rule 34 (novel), by Charles Stross

Same thing applies to npm modules.

npm WARN deprecated

The 3 words I ignore most in my life.

Modern tragedy in four lines:

- I just bought a new 1TB SSD
- Look at all this free space
- Let's do npm install
- Oh no

I wonder how much of my life I have spent waiting for 'npm install'

CSS is awesome even for NPM

$ npm install ...
$ added 10 packages from 7 contributors and audited 21813 packages.

I realized that after some point you don't even think about your project dependencies growing. Because even adding 10 packages, it looks like it doesn't even changes the total number of packages. 21813, 21920, 21980... Does it even matter? Fuck.

I know last year suddenly lots of animated login popped out.
NPM actually uses one... and it doesn’t look that good

Him: "I don't need source control, it's just another program that does unknown things on my source files. What if one day it stops working?? How do I get my files??"

Me: "you could say the same thing on 90% of the tools you use every day... Like when you restore npm packages by GUI"

him: "what are those? I don't use them"

Also him: "command line is vintage"

npm i

Now waiting for the Internet to download....

Hit over 300 downloads on NPM! Not much, but it feels good and makes working on open source projects all the more worth it.

unpopular opinion: javascript has broken standards, and nobody corrects it. people use these frameworks and shit with 600 dependencies, then can't figure out how to update their application when things go out of date. now people are expecting you to use NPM to make a - - > static <- - website

Note to self:

Don’t use npm, use yarn!
Don’t use npm, use yarn!
Don’t use npm, use yarn!

Don’t use what??👂
Npm! Use yarn!

Well done!! Now repeat this 5 times a day.

`npx create-react-app blah`
`cdls blah && npm audit`

63 vulnerabilities.
good fucking job.

To be fair, they're all minor, but they're all *exactly* the same, caused by the same freaking package. Update your dependencies already!

------

`npm i --save formik && npm audit`
68 vulnerabilities, three of them critical.

ugh.

That moment when you found a perfect npm package but there's no f*cking docs whatsoever

seeing these things make me very uncomfortable, I feel like reaching into the software and wiping it off, makes me wonder how much of a mess this npm ecosystem is going to become, I really dont know much of how these things work. I figured the issue could probably be the same across languages, libraries sitting atop libraries until the whole thing becomes unmanageable. I'll stop rambling now

that's the installation of expo-cli

Today I've published my first package on NPM \o/

How I wasted my Sunday:

A programmer I know claimed that his Nodejs app was lightweight since it only relied on 2 dependencies (express and mongodb)

So I wrote a script to recursively transverse the npm dependency tree and count the number of dependencies there actually is

Installing those 2 packages alone means your app depends on 73 pieces of software in total

In conclusion, nothing written in Node is ever lightweight

Oh yeah, it was also Easter I guess

just imagine Microsoft buying NPM

Gonna make a pull request for Project!

"How to Project:

npm install
npm test
npm run start"

npm install: warning, warning, deprecation, warning

npm test: 30 tests, 15 failed

npm run start: error, C stack trace

Pull request status: on hold

npm install wake_up
npm install do_laundry
npm install wash_dishes
npm install walk_dog
npm install water_plants

sometimes I can't understand how I got my senior web engineer position at my age.

but then I look at my fellow senior cursing about some stuff that he doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand (today it's npm) and then I feel ok again :D

Empty create-react-app...262Mb

I do like npm but something has gone pretty fucko along the way.

npm install unemployment

npm install during a conference on the WiFi with 1,000 other developers. Good luck.

Sometimes I write "nom run serve" instead of "npm run serve" and it makes me crave a donut.

when the junior dev updates all npm & nuget dependencies in the project to the latest beta versions to make an impression right after joining the project...

I like npm errors.

So i installed nodejs on termux on my android smartphone to watch npm fail, even when I take a walk.

Great times!

Kids say the darnest things 😂
"My npm is friendly"

"How much of a dev are you, if you use other peoples work and just glue it together?" I once asked a friend who really loves npm and everything.

I know about code reuse and maintainability and all that but geez we had a long discussion..😅

“Overhearing powers of the Fullstack dev”

We have an internal control panel (BEEP) to manage our dev Tomcat instances. The other day, with one of my muggle friend, I was trying to restart an instance. There’s a checkbox to clean the host tmp files and directories, ingeniously named as - Purge cache.

Innocent Me (to my muggle friend): bro would Purge cache delete the application log files?

__(Fullstack dev overhearing us)__

Muggle friend: Purge ca... (gets interrupted my the Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like ... (gotta be consistent with the opening) what “npm purge” does is it deletes the files which are not being used.

Confused Muggle friend: bro it’s a BEEP option to clean the tmp dirs.

Fullstack dev: oh I thought you guys were talking about “npm purge”

Angry muggle friend: then WHY THE FUCK did you answer if you didn’t know [...] the fuck we were talking about.

Calm fullstack dev: FYI. Might help you someday.

Deeply-hurt Me: (what the fuck is “npm purge”). Hey man do you mean “npm prune”? Because they don’t have an npm purge. And what do you mean by “it deletes the files which are not being used”?

Confident Fullstack dev: NO

Me: (cries in npm)

More to come!

After two months of NPM hell I have made the decision to stop trying to catch up to this Javascript insanity.

The salary I would make if I understood this shit is not worth my sanity. Most people develop a career, but all I seem to develop is RSI and a seething hatred for humanity.

When I switched to Reactjs and replaced NPM with Yarn

Had an interesting application for a web / fs position the other day. Some guy in his 40s sent a CV, along with a bunch of 5+ years old reference letters (recommending him for things like PHP 5.3 and ExtJs 4). A bit outdated but okay.

And then, he put in a list of NPM packages he used. Not just relevant frameworks like Angular & React, or tools like Webpack and Babel. No. A list. Of. NPM. Packages. There were things like UUID there, which is literary a single function!

npm: "npm does not support Node.js v10.24.0; You should probably upgrade to a newer version"

Also npm: "Supported releases are the latest release of 4, 6, 7, 8, 9"

Uh...good to know this piece of software is still a dump where rejected code goes to rot.

NPM has this cool feature called "link" which allows you to easily link local npm packages as dependencies of other local packages for developement. It's so cool in fact that everything you run npm install it deletes all your links for fuck all reason

Npm is a sickening mess

Earlier this day, I was about to start a new project. So I copied my favourite gulpfile.js into that projects root and installed all dependencies with npm. After running Gulp for the first time it threw an error.

Silly me tried to fix stuff and got googling the error and trying random things... After a break of a few hours I just fucking rerun Gulp and read the fucking error completely. It stood there. The fucking solution just stood there, run "npm blah --force" to reconfigure package blah....

Of course it worked right away and I finally could start working. But this shit took way too long. Why I just can't read the fucking error message. Damn

Started learning NodeJS...
Now I have to npm install brain to think 😕

P.S: I like it though😂

Fuck npm and its mess with dependencies 🙄

That time when one of the npm modules you use gets a patch that contains a breaking change. You fix your code. Then a week later the module patches again and revert the breaking change. :/

So i just created my own npm package. And published 3-4 days ago.

And don't know how but there is already 60+ weekly downloads.

So thanks for them who support me😅

NPM lol....😂😂😂

Today in some onboarding meeting i was laughing my ass off.

We were setting up the development machines that we got from the client to work on via citrix.

You guys probably know, that when you put your npm projects too nested into your filesystem, that packages randomly start not behaving because of too long file names or path names and stuff like that. That seems to be a problem with all OS (to be fair i havent actively looked for a solution, but it happened to me on Windis and Linux, so i'm just assuming here)

but even more so for some packages on Windis, when the project is not running on the same fucking drive letter than where your OS is running on. Like... wtf?

Had two UI5 projects pulled, both of them on D:. The first npm install went through flawlessly, the second one has a number of random errors, me and the other dev didn't know what they were. So what i suggested is to move this project onto C: and try it again. Turns out that was exactly it. Et voila, npm install ran through without any hiccups..

How a node js developer's Terminal history look like --

npm install random_package
npm install shitty_package
npm install I_don't_know_what_it_does
npm install crap

What seemed like a simple task of upgrading our angular project and adding universal to it, is slowly beginning to feel like an impossible mission.

Fuck you npm, fuck windows and fuck whoever thinks javascript/typescript can be used for every god damn thing.

I fucking give up

Friend asked me how to start a node server. I gave her starter code and told her to do “npm init” then “npm install” ur modules. This is what she did

I just need to get this out.

NPM is not the worst dependency manager. It is way beyond any word in any language that can describe the most negative thing about it.

I developed nodejs projects. I like JS, it's a great language to work with. But not NODEJS, not NPM.

I can run my app in a F* browser but not once, not a single time that nodejs and npm can run at the first time. I spend way more time to build a working environment with nodejs and npm than to build my own app.

whoever developed these two pieces of crap had brains that filled with mud. And who gave them the courage to even put it out for people to use? JS is such a good language and they have ruined it.

There are so many dependency managers out there couldn't they just take a look at how human beings do things? I mean they have never seen APT or Composer or something else that actually work?

Or they just had so much ego that they had to let other people to feel how difficult their lives are.

I don't care about how you manage the dependency and I shouldn't. You people made these crap with one purpose that chould help others to develop easily but NOOOOOO, we have to spice it up, right? You just have to make it fat and greasy, right? You just have to make it doesn't work. I bet you people just redefined the F* CONSTANT of "How to Develope a System that Doesn't Work".

I don't know if NPM genius have ever did a information collection of their system. I bet most function that has been invoked is "throw error".

The funny thing is on NPM website, they provide Enterprise Solutions.... I would sue them for fraud.

Me: Writes down 'npm install '

Me: Copies the install command and pastes it

Me: Run 'npm install npm install package'

Every fucking time

Genuinely fuck NPM and Homestead on a Windows environment.

Just npm install
Then npm run dev

Aaand

Nothing works

I like JavaScript as a language. But I hate absolutely everything around it. All of these tools just make things more difficult. Sometimes when I clone a project I want everything there. I don't want to then wait 30 minutes to download the latest version of every library used, with at least one of them always breaking something. I don't want to have to use npm or grunt or whatever. Just give me the damn thing I need not make me spend 30 minutes running round in circles! Never have these problems in any other language!

Come on WebAssembly!

Don't run `npm install` on your build machine. Use `npm ci` instead.

Are you.. are you telling me .. that every time ..... every time ..... I've been running ..... npm i something .... it's been putting ^version into my ..... package.json file ?!?!?!?!!? SO THAT IN THE FUTURE WHEN I COME BACK TO THE PROJECT AND DO A FRESH NPM I .... THE VERSIONS WILL ALL UPDATE .... AND THAT'S WHY I'M ALWAYS DEALING WITH BUGS WHEN COMING BACK TO PROJECTS EVEN THOUGH IT WAS WORKING WHEN I LEFT IT A FEW MONTHS AGO.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

The joys of having NPM put all my dependencies sub-dependencies in my modules folder ☺️🔫

The moment I need internet to do things (npm with angular), but the company moved to a new building and internet is screwed. It'll still take a while to set up. So now I'm sitting here, ranting on devrant and doing nothing.

My exact face and thoughts right now:

Is npm the new jQuery Plugins site?

just realised that "have you tried to `rm -rf node_modules/ && npm i` is the js adaptation of "have you tried turning it off and on again".

seconds into 2019

I see one incompetent fucker asking to eval in Node.js..
A FUCKING FETCH OF A NPM MODULES IN CDNJS

you know what's the reason?

node_modules

Fucking kill me unless you're some dumb bitch who uses npm modules like some braindead motherfucker who doesn't know what a number is, node_modules takes only an average of 3.6MB

Compared to RubyGems who takes 40+
Or Pip

Seriously stop this. I wanna hang myself because my 2019 put me in a shit mood

I made a CLI tool i named it CRAO, its for creating react apps offline, cuz it wraps up all the necessary modules, and its fast.
Check on NPM Create-react-app-offline

Node, npm, node-sass - no, the whole JS universe, you fucking piece of shit!

Fuck you royally!

I love how NPM packages explain their options.

npm install npm

80% of my internet traffic is used by npm install

unexpected and honest npm deprecation warning. very honest

npm install linux 😂

I'm so fucking fed up with the npm ecosystem. Every single god damn time I've had to do anything it always takes DAYS to figure out how to get anything working and I always have to try multiple tools or libraries to final get it half way sorta.
I'm so fucking annoyed right now. They always turn out not that great, have lacking features or trivial oversights in functionality and ALWAYS have garbage documentation.

I just want to build a fucking npm library with TypeScript to be used with node. That's probably the NUMBER 1 use case so how fucking hard can that be?

So obviously I start out with tsc. That's quite simple, compiles all my stuff and shits out .js and .d.ts files. Okay so how do I use them via es6 import? I don't fucking know, because it doesn't work no matter what I do. The 'module' option in tsconfig is absolutely useless btw. It does *literally* fuck all. Nada. Absolutely nothing.
Okay I'm far from defeated, maybe I'll just have to bundle it. So I waste two days finding something that half works (I'm using fusebox right now) and at last I get a stupid es6 module as a single bundle... But what about type the declarations? They are nowhere to be seen and of course there's no option for that. Because Fusebox the pile of shit that's oh so well Typescript integrated apparently doesn't think TYPE DECLARATION FILES are needed. What the actual fuck.

And that's where I'm now. I need the fucking .d.ts files so I can use it as a module with import. Do I really need another fucking piece of shit tool that bundles these files? Honestly fuck all of this. "Oh the Javascript ecosystem is so great" YEAH fucking great, alright. Where 90% of the ESTABLISHED tools and libraries (we don't talk about the landfill of all the other shit) flat out don't do what you need. Again, how fucking hard can it be to make a npm lib with typescript? That should be NATIVELY SUPPORTED. If not by npm atleast by typescripts tsc.

FUCK NPM. FUCK JAVASCRIPT. AND FUCK THE WHOLE ECOSYSTEM

Thinks of some cool npm package to build.

Thinks of a cool name.

Goes to npm to check if the name is available.

Finds the exact package instead ;-;

npm === node package malware

Microsoft buys npm
Am I the only one seeing a tendency of a few big companies (Microsoft, Apple, Google, Yandex, Tencent and 10-15 more) slowly (or not so slowly) acquiring more and more small companies? I hope however that it stays as transparent to the end user; I also hope it even helps, because I hate getting used to a product/service and then the company dropping it because they have no resource and/or interest in supporting it (Google Inbox anyone?)

Every nodejs programmer:

How do I check this variable is an array?
npm i isArray

I had a problem - X

I googled, problem -X

Google - npm install --save X

Problem solved

I learned today I can "npm install" directly from a GitHub repo. This allowed me to create a React component (viewer of gLTF files) for a 3D game and share it with my team. I know I could've published it to npm registry, but I didn't want that since it's a very specific component for our project, and private npm packages are very pricy.

Hope this random !rant will be useful for someone wanting something similar.

Fixing the npm permissions..
This should be covered by a giant red light and skulls.
If you don't see the warning you broke sudo

So I actually prefer npm to most other package managers (with the exception of go's package handling).
Like you need to look no further than to pip's hell of package management, to start appreciating how clean npm is.
***Shots fired***

I wonder if NPM prevents allowing a package to be it's own dependency. If not I have important trolling business to tend to.

Setting up npm private registry and mirror is like setting up machine for handling ddos attack.

Last time I was tuning linux kernel tcp ip stack by adjusting default variable values was ages ago but if you see 100 open sockets in a matter of second after you try to install single frontend dependency you start questioning your life.

Confession: I've been installing npm packages globally using sudo for years just because I'm too lazy to set it up properly.

I did npm install 1 hr ago. It's still on 70%

Me: hey npm
Npm: yes, developer guy from family guy?
Me: despacito
Npm: fuck im owned...

yarn > npm

Thank you for reading.

When you install npm to install an older version of npm to install a yeoman and install a generator that generates a generator.

Finally found a free noun on npm... I realized though, I have no idea how to promote a package I've built anymore. The internet is too noisey... Hmmm, how do you successfully get the word out these days?

Updating angular and npm/node/whatever the fuck is the most difficult and convoluted thing ever

Web devs, you deserve better than this awful piece of shit cable mess of a fucking "framework" or whatever the fuck this retarded shit is meant to be

While setting up a node app while sitting behind draconian proxies:
- first, set $http_proxy & $https_proxy
- set git proxy
- then, npm proxy, jspm proxy and bower proxy
- followed by strictSSL to false.....
After moving to home network/VPN, change all of these proxies again. It is a never ending vicious circle :(

Installing 1 NPM package...

350 more dependencies installed :D

JavaScript libs have a massive problem with quality and especially with quality of documentation and error reporting

For the entire day I've been staring at this stupid error and can't figure it out. The documentation stating that the source function sets the source dir, but not actual saying what 'source dir' means or what paths are resolved against it is no help either

npm is actually really awesome but almost every library I've tried just fucking sucks

I hate deprecations! Adopted a web project that was actively maintained until 2023, how can it already be so "legacy" that none of its npm scripts work anymore?

Finally made my node production server stable enough that I could focus on writing tests*. I start by setting up docker, mocking cognito, preparing the database and everything. Reading up on Node test suites and following a short tut to set up my first unit test. Didn't go smoothly, but it's local and there are no deadlines so who cares. 4 days later, first assert.equal(1+1, 2) passes and I'm happy.

I start writing all sorts of tests, installing everything required into "devDependancies," and getting the joy of having some tests pass on first try with all asserts set up, feels good!

I decide to make a small update to production, so I add a test, run and see it fail, implement the feature, re-run and, it passes!

I push the feature to develop, test it, and it works as intended. Merge that to master and subsequently to one of my ec2 production servers**, and lo and behold, production server is on a bootloop claiming it "Cannot find module `graphql`". But how? I didn't change any production dependencies, and my package lock json is committed so wth?

I google the issue, but can't find anything relevant. The only thing that I could guess was that some dependencies (including graphql) were referenced*** in both, prod and dev, and were omitted when installed on a prod NODE_ENV, but googling that specific issue yielded no results, and I would have thought npm would be clever enough to see that and would always install those dependencies (spoiler: it didn't for me).

With reduced production capacity (having one server down) I decided to npm uninstall all dev dependencies anyway and see what happens. Aaaaand it works.....

So now I have a working production server, but broken local tests, and I'm not sure why npm is behaving like this...

* Yes I see the irony.
** No staging because $$$, also this is a personal project.
*** I am not directly referencing the same thing twice, it's probably a subdependency somewhere.

Dijkstra 1988: "Unfathomed misunderstanding is further revealed by the term 'software maintenance', as a result of which many people continue to believe that programs —and even programming languages themselves— are subject to wear and tear. Your car needs maintenance too, doesn't it?"
npm 2018: "Naaaah!"

All this small node modules in the npm repository that is a fork of another with a name that sounds almost like the other. It's a jungle. Then things are abandoned or changing name. How much i like coding nodejs based projects I really feel bad of the total mess with that repo. Freedom and a lot of projects are good. But the mess is like the flat of a young student that hasn't been cleaned in a year.

It takes courage to use npm as a product. The inability of its leader, Isaac Schlueter, to communicate the reasoning behind decisions pose a risk as a choice for long term toolchain.

My company will move to yarn for now and jump ship to Deno as soon as it reaches all of my check marks.

It's almost 4 am
I want to continue developing my vuejs stuff
The files are in a folder on my desktop
I open the Terminal to navigate there
I type 'npm desktop'
Suddenly the whole terminal is filled with an error message
I suddenly realize why

Story of my life

I updated NPM for good, but now i'm starting paranoid 😫

Has anyone ever installed a NPM package without seeing deprecation warnings? 🤦‍♂️

npm is the WORST MISTAKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND TO SOFTWARE ENGINEERING. I HATE IT AND I REGRET EVER READING ITS DOCUMENTATION, SO MUCH WAISTE OF TIME ON ABSOLUTE JUNK

We moved to Yarn too fast. It keeps failing my build. I miss npm :(

This is what happens when 1 million people suddenly type 'npm install' in their terminals

That's why we love NPM:

>npm install
*installing packages*
npm warn ........................
npm warn deprecated .....................
npm warn .......................
********** A million times more ***********

Oh it works! eh, just ignore every warning :)

npm audit has gone wild since GitHub (aka Microsoft) acquisition, they surely found a way to influence the community.

Now, guys, embrace the creeping evil until deno is really out.

NPM and the whole dependency tree for JS packages should burn in the pits of hell.
Let's pretend that uninstalling a single (albeit larger) module didn't take 8 minutes and that it didn't spit out 20 warnings from a total of 277 (HOLY FUCK) related packages.

How can you guys (JS-only devs) handle this ?!

* package-lock.json * merge conflict

ME: fuck fuck fuck, C-s I-Search: HEAD
ME: this shit is much i can't handle it, fuck

ME: rm package-lock.json ; npm install

What do you do when you are hungry/peckish and it's late?

It's 🌃 time and I don't have anything to eat (except maybe some stupid cookies)

I wish I could do
'npm i snacks'
or
'sudo apt-get snacks'

And I would receive snacks from my computer or something..

npm might also give some extra snacks plus ingredients as dependencies 😅

Maybe I can make coffee..☕?

I just woke up and on my computer screen there’s big announcement.
Github launching code package registry beta program.
Available repositories: npm, gem, mvn, docker, nuget.

How often does this happen to you?

Hmm I need to install the nodemon package, ok so I enter:
npm install -g nodemon
Result:
npm WARN
npm WARN
npm ERR
npm ERR
npm ERR....

I then wonder why would it not work??? Then after looking at the errors I realise ohh:
sudo npm install -g nodemon

This literally happens to me almost every single time I install a package.

-> Want to install npm
-> Brew install npm failed
-> Think that yarn is an alternative
-> Want to install yarn
-> "npm install yarn"

Reject Front-End, Return Back-End.

> npm start
* proceeds to leave the workstation for coffee / tea / slack off
* comes back 15' later
* leaves again
Thanks, Brian.

use apt-get to install node and npm, use npm to install bower, use bower to install angular... Packageception.

npm or yarn? ⚖️

Npm having issues worldwide

God save the npm

Tip: Want to hide your porn? Use NPM packages!

Python, fuuuuck youuuu and your stupid packaging system, and python devs who are bashing on js you douchebags ever tried NPM !!

"npm i {name} - - save-dev"

-ERROR: "{name} needs {dependency} v5.0.1"

"Oh, okay, I install that one then, no problem"

"npm i {dependency@5.0.1} - - save-dev"

-ERROR: "{dependency@5.0.1} needs {dependency} v3.1.1}

"Oh, okay, makes sens I guess, I'll" install that one to then."

"npm i {dependency@3.1.1} - -save-dev"

ERROR:"Nah"

"Son of a.."

Java Dev: Stop building javascript frameworks!!
Me: npm install java

Almost 800MB of dependencies just to download the damn npm, sometimes I wonder if some part of the software developement world is going crazy

Few things are as frustrating as resolving node version issues with npm packages.

NPM purpose

avoid npm!! avoid it like it was the plague!