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If Programming Languages Were Girls:
Java: Your current girlfriend, you've been going steady for a while now. Things are okay.
Kotlin: The girl Java finds you cheating on, she's just amazing, and you wish you'd met her sooner.
Visual Basic: The girl you accidentally started a relationship with because you didn't know how to say no. But quickly realised your mistake and regretted it.
JavaScript: A childhood friend you occasionally hook up with. But you could never settle for a relationship with them.
Python: A bossy, manipulative girl who quickly turned things sour. But everyone else loves her because of her huge libraries.
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My and a co worker were joking the other day about what programming languages would be like if they were girls. This is what we came up with (Original inspiration: the Distracted Boyfriend meme (Feel free to add your own!)).49 -
Here's a list of unpopular stuff which I agree with:
1) I love Java more than any other programming language.
2) I love sleeping more than working.
3) I'm not a night owl. I thrive the most during daylight.
4) I don't like or need coffee. Tea is fine.
5) Webdev is a huge clusterfuck which I secretly wish that could just die already.
6) Cybersecurity is a meme and actually not that interesting. Same passes for Cloud, Machine Learning and Big Data.
7) Although I'm a huge fan of it Linux is too unstable and non-idiot proof to ever become mainstream on the desktop.
8) Windows is actually a pretty solid OS.
9) The real reason I don't use macos is because I'm a poorfag that can't afford an overpriced laptop.
10) I don't like math and I hate that people push math shit into random interview questions for dev jobs which have nothing to do with math.
Post yours.279 -
So, I saw this on Reddit, and I thought about sharing it here...
What do you think? It's somewhat accurate, or it can have some changes?
(The Chaotic Good made me chuckle 😂)
23 -
Actual pic of a 10x engineer: does a force push as a safety measure, ends up blowing up the whole repository.
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DevRant rant:
I am on DevRant for quite a while now and I really enjoy it here. The overall atmosphere is great, as well as the community. (Yes, that includes you!)
Since I came here I've learned some very valuable lessons regarding work (conditions), annoying coworkers and programming itself. I like to think of DevRant as a huge ball of experience by very talented people, as well as a great place for discussions about a topic we all love: code. But lately I am seeing more and more memes on here, with titles like "I think everybody know this", "I think everybody can relate" and "Soo true". Those posts have no value at all and are (most of the time) reposted from 9gag or similar networks. Sometimes those "rants" don't even have anything to do with devs anymore, but are only here to farm ++'es. In the beginning I really enjoyed funny "rants", but now the majority of them just annoy me. It becomes especially annoying when you see the same meme three times in 15 minutes.
I'd be in for some kind of DevFun section, where everybody is able to post his or hers jokes/memes/etc, but the current situation just really gets on my nerves.
I hope that I am not the only one who thinks like that, because I really feel uncomfortable ranting about something I actually love.
end rant12 -
We all once printed "Hello World" & were acting like a pro 😏
Cheers, we all made it till here, more than "Hello World! 🍺8 -
I knew nothing about programming then i came across this amazing chilled out teacher who taught me cpp literally through jokes and puns and here I am still learning the best thing I've came so far
PROGRAMMING
P.S. Here is a meme to show what my mates think when i fix stuff up
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Hello devRant,
I'm new in your community. Okay, not completely new because I try to introduce me in the community and now I think, I know how devRant works and what I could do here.
But who I am?
I'm David from Germany. I'm a hobby developer. I develop lots of stuff, Alexa Skills, Google Actions, Mobile Application for Android and Websites. I'm in a one team member "team"🤣. I develop the background and I "try"😉 to develop the foreground. I develop since 6-7 years and I start with HTML (I know it's not a programming language) but next to HTML I learned CSS. Now, I could programm in CSS, JS, PHP, MySQL, JAVA, C++, PHYTON and I hope I don't forget a language.
But the main question: Why I joined to the devRant community?
The main reason is that I want to see jokes meme and interesting topics. The secondary reason is that I hope I could learn English in a different way. I hope I'm not the worst English speaker/writer.
26 -
When I'm forced to maintain a C project having recently done a lot of C++:
Compiler: Declaration may not appear after executable statement in block.
Me: dEcLarAtiOn mAy NoT aPpeaR aFtER eXeCuTAblE stAtEmEnt iN BloCk. *pffffttt*2 -
Paranoid Developers - It's a long one
Backstory: I was a freelance web developer when I managed to land a place on a cyber security program with who I consider to be the world leaders in the field (details deliberately withheld; who's paranoid now?). Other than the basic security practices of web dev, my experience with Cyber was limited to the OU introduction course, so I was wholly unprepared for the level of, occasionally hysterical, paranoia that my fellow cohort seemed to perpetually live in. The following is a collection of stories from several of these people, because if I only wrote about one they would accuse me of providing too much data allowing an attacker to aggregate and steal their identity. They do use devrant so if you're reading this, know that I love you and that something is wrong with you.
That time when...
He wrote a social media network with end-to-end encryption before it was cool.
He wrote custom 64kb encryption for his academic HDD.
He removed the 3 HDD from his desktop and stored them in a safe, whenever he left the house.
He set up a pfsense virtualbox with a firewall policy to block the port the student monitoring software used (effectively rendering it useless and definitely in breach of the IT policy).
He used only hashes of passwords as passwords (which isn't actually good).
He kept a drill on the desk ready to destroy his HDD at a moments notice.
He started developing a device to drill through his HDD when he pushed a button. May or may not have finished it.
He set up a new email account for each individual online service.
He hosted a website from his own home server so he didn't have to host the files elsewhere (which is just awful for home network security).
He unplugged the home router and began scanning his devices and manually searching through the process list when his music stopped playing on the laptop several times (turns out he had a wobbly spacebar and the shaking washing machine provided enough jittering for a button press).
He brought his own privacy screen to work (remember, this is a security place, with like background checks and all sorts).
He gave his C programming coursework (a simple messaging program) 2048 bit encryption, which was not required.
He wrote a custom encryption for his other C programming coursework as well as writing out the enigma encryption because there was no library, again not required.
He bought a burner phone to visit the capital city.
He bought a burner phone whenever he left his hometown come to think of it.
He bought a smartphone online, wiped it and installed new firmware (it was Chinese; I'm not saying anything about the Chinese, you're the one thinking it).
He bought a smartphone and installed Kali Linux NetHunter so he could test WiFi networks he connected to before using them on his personal device.
(You might be noticing it's all he's. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't).
He ate a sim card.
He brought a balaclava to pentesting training (it was pretty meme).
He printed out his source code as a manual read-only method.
He made a rule on his academic email to block incoming mail from the academic body (to be fair this is a good spam policy).
He withdraws money from a different cashpoint everytime to avoid patterns in his behaviour (the irony).
He reported someone for hacking the centre's network when they built their own website for practice using XAMMP.
I'm going to stop there. I could tell you so many more stories about these guys, some about them being paranoid and some about the stupid antics Cyber Security and Information Assurance students get up to. Well done for making it this far. Hope you enjoyed it.
26 -
Programming Languages are Like Cars:
Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.
FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.
FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.
COBOL: A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly but it does the work.
BASIC: A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.
PL/I: A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.
C++: A black Firebird, the all macho car. Comes with optional seatbelt (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).
ALGOL 60: An Austin Mini. Boy that's a small car.
ALGOL 68: An Aston Martin. An impressive car but not just anyone can drive it.
Pascal: A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once popular with intellectual types.
liSP: An electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are not available.
PROLOG/LUCID: Prototype concept cars.
FORTH: A go-cart.
LOGO: A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn.
APL: A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time but it drives only in reverse and is instrumented in Greek.
Ada: An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission are standard. No other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for generals, it's good enough for you.
Java: All-terrain very slow vehicle.10 -
What do you look for in a programming language
People: features, syntax, runtime blah blah
Me: Active meme base
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I have got so much of free time that this Quarantine has got me thinking What Should I Name my Class?
How Long do You take to name your class?
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As we all know that yawning is contagious, so if we yawn standing in front of a mirror, does that mean we'll end up in an infinite loop 🤔🤔
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Hi, guys! I create a new penguin. If you want it, you can find it on Github:
https://github.com/karinkasweet/...
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It's the Art of Searching on Google.
For the Programmers. By the Programmers. Of the Programmers 😝
2 -
REAL Programmers Don't //COMMENT their </CODE>.
If it was HARD to WRITE
It Should be HARD to UNDERSTAND
Comment if you "Agreed"8 -
Hate it when I see the same Programming Meme/Joke on 10 Different accounts 50 times. *fuckResposts(), even though I do them a lot...
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Back where I used to work, we had this a-hole call center guy who isn't a programmer but got promoted as our team leader. He said he used to program on his early days at the company (?) . He claims that made back-ups of his source code in MS Word and even tries to gives us a lecture about backing up programs.
I really hate those a-wipes who often get promoted and suddenly goes up to their heads
7 -
Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?7 -
This is fucking mental. Nextjs is a fucking unoptimized piece of fucking trash framework. When i dont touch it for several days magically everything breaks and no longer works. What the FUCK is this garbage framework.
Also i just npm run dev after 3 days of not touching the project, when it started routing is fucking dead, freezes and loading forever, getting stuck at UI, checked activity monitor just to see this piece of fucking cum eat 330-390% of my fucking CPU
Powered by Shitcel
Nextjs unstable cum gargled bullshit garbage framework for script kiddies who think they know shit about programming but they're mindless retards who know nothing about security, jwt tokens or even devops infrastructure or IaC. Fucking useless overexaggerated trillions of dollars of marketing budget for Shitcel's framework called nextjs is not as good as the fake marketing campaign portrayed it to be. It was all a fabricated lie. A fascade. A hollywood shitshow. A faked moon landing type of framework. A fucking meme framework. Fucking pissed off for wasting my time learning it
15 -
The best programming language is ______.
Rant: There is no such thing as 'best programming language'!!!!!?????
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AAAAAAAA I want to talk with my friends about programming and software, but there is only one friend who understands even a BIT (Rest he doesn't just care about probably). It's driving me crazy that i can't talk with any of my friends about programming, because they don't know shit about it. I really can't make new friends either because i somehow have forgotten how to talk to humans (i'm extremely introverted lol). It's paiful when you have to explain a programming meme.8
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If you're feeling lonely and want a lot of responses in any dev forum, just talk shit about a widely used programming language.2
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> checking it once
> checking it twice
> on production it still fails in front of our eyes
> programmers are coming back to the office -
git commit -m “it compiled”
git commit -m “typo”
git commit -m “ugh”
git commit -m “wtf”
git commit -m “ok this doesn’t totally suck”
git commit -m “:shipit:” -
Google carefully naming their language CARBON so that wherever I search it have search CARBON LANGUAGE! :/13
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Whether you're a newbie or a programmer with 10+ years of experience, you'll always go to StackOverflow and GitHub 🤣😂
6 -
Annoying things
while programming: the thread
* Don't go off topic
* No meme images. Even if they are related to the topic
Have fun! -
He couldn't sleep for 2 days because he missed her.
.
I couldn't sleep for 4 days because I missed a stupid ";" in my code.
#Developers7 -
That moment when you are working too hard so you go to the kitchen to get some coffee but then realize that you ran out coffee.
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More of a rant but it's technically a meme and I thought it belonged here; https://gizmodo.com/programming-suc...
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He did the mash, he did the developer mash
The developer mash, it was a segmentation fault crash.
He did the mash, it caught on in a pull request.
He did the mash, he did the developer mash -
Hi guys! Last time you gave me a lot of good advice about my gophers. Thanks! Kubernetes Contributor Celebration is coming soon so I have these cute gophers
If you liked it and want to support me on Redbubble
https://redbubble.com/people/...
or TeePublic https://teepublic.com/user/...
Thanks!
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