HAHAHA.

Finally ditched Linux and am back on the original and best :p

Love a machine that can just keep going.

Ha, accurate.

As far as BSODs go, this one looks pretty cool.

Still true

Hahaha

Programming as fast as you can because of deadlines

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Anyone else here ever used a bit of bluff to land a job?

Wut..

Lol, good start.

A software engineer was smoking...

A lady nearby asked him: "Can't you read the warnings? Smoking is injurous to health!"

He replied: "We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!"

Let me guess. I can't touch this?

*chuckles more than should*

Such innovation, much practical..

Why did the developer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

Asking a frontender to build sql queries. This company...

Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more

Sums up our current job at work - a rushed redesign of a rushed web app.

Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.

I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.

Assholes!

It would be nice if everybody could just leave me the FUCK alone and let me work.
Goddammit!

Solid improvements.

Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.

No dedicated tester means less expenses.

No personal parkspot?
No expenses!

And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!

Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.

Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.

You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.

Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.

It would be nice if you could build apps as well.

You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.

You finished the site?
Great!

But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.

All hail their crazy company!

The frequency in which I see women-hating comments in certain tech FB groups is alarmingly high lately. Even posts about ordering food are somehow twisted into really awful discussions (raping women, locking them at home, stoning cheating wives...).
Maybe I'm just a sensitive "female", but I honestly wouldn't want to work with a person who has this mindset.

Goes to first job interview. Great interview but, can you send some code?

-Sure-
Sends requested js, css html files.

Great code, we want to speak to you again!
Goes to second interview, waits 15m, meets the sales department. Sales? Wtf?
Great interview but, can you send more code?
Errr?
We need some native JS to really make sure you can write code.

You could've emailed this request before the interview b*tch. That way id save time hurrying in rain and traffic jams!

Clearing the cache.
Tried clearing cms cache
Tried restarting iis
Tried browsing incognito
Tried deleting browser cache...

WHY U STILL SHOW OLD CSS?!?!

If i'd get a penny for every time i typed backgorund instead of background i'd be so rich :)

*noticeable chuckles*

Architect of this building is so stupid. The toilet lights are triggered by movement. But they are not hanging in the toilet itself. Im wiping my ass with my flashlight on now…

snsv... I kid you not.

It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.

Client: We want a car with 2 doors.

We: Here is you car with 2 doors.

Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.

We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.

Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.

We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.

Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...

It's never enough

Having a look through my .bashrc, apparently forgot about this.

Thank you bong smoking, fortune telling cow.

The other day we had a little celebration because a website went live.

It’s weird

Somehow it’s easy to spent €100 on celebration food and drinks but it’s hard to sign a €90 paper and allow me to upgrade my computer just a tiny bit.

I fucking love noise cancelling headphone. Not just to block the noise but also to dive elbows deep into focus mode with code.

That is until your partner sneeks up to you on the side you don’t see.

I’m not kidding i just had a fucking heart attack guys!

Let's do some more of that epic coding! *Puts on Star Wars music*

After 9 months of my course that involved much fear, anxiety and depression, last night I had a great moment.
Learning about scrapers for my dissertation - watched 10 minutes of a tutorial video then thought of an idea and went away and an hour later had built a little program to read a restaurants menu on their website then read back what they had in the form of a poem - all in a language I hadn't used before that night.
The reason I learnt coding was that I idolised the idea of thinking of a problem and then just solving it with your own code. Last night was the first time I felt like I might be getting there.
:).
p.s. Sorry this isn't very ranty.

Just had my first demo here. The resolution of the screen was set at 150% screwing more up then i hoped for.

I didn't dare to show the iPad version. I had seen enough bugs in those 10 minutes.

Don't put this developer in the center of attention. Please.

1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!

2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.

3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"

4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee

5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro

Working for a company that hasn’t fully implemented git yet.

Servers are a freaking mess.

.old
.bak
Very-very-old
Backup

Im working on a big project with a coworker that is working remotely. Basically we chat and call every day.

Today he is in the office.
Comes in, doesn’t even look or say hi.

Nice working with you pal.

Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one

Fucking idiot lead dev who’s 10 years younger then me doesnt know fucking respect. Dumbass comes with every new framework there is:
- ow we should try abc.js
One week later
- now we should totally get in def.js. It’s soooo much better then abc.js!

Screwing up projects, asking for an extra pair of eyes and then asking wtf is this code.

Im out of here if we’re hiring toddlers for lead developers because they are willing to work 50 hours a week. I better get that raise soon.

Yup, long weird strings are the way forward.

Nifty little fan, first time it's been hot enough to warrant opening it and I'm pleasantly surprised.

I used to write HTML line by line.

and then someone showed me emmet.

life has never been the same since.

Almost miss seeing these on my parents screens.

Haha, woops.

So, 5/10 minutes of discussion about a class i need in the code. This was with the backender.

Ofcourse the designer hears this, joins the discussion and causes another 10minutes of explaining that a photo is different then a video...

Meanwhile i took a piss and got coffee because i’m fucking tired of these discusseion. You’re a designer, why care about code other people write. Go draw something

Don't need a cat as an avatar. I already have a real one!

I've been staffed on a old ongoing project, first day.
0. Compatibility has to be guaranteed down till IE9... ppf.
1. Front end made in XHTML+JS(jQuery)... bah, ok.
2. XHTML+JS is actually generated by PHP5.4, not a line is actually statically served... beh, funny, ok.
3. PHP files are the output of an XSLT transform of a bunch of XMLs... meh, seriously? Oooook.
4. XMLs are the product of the serialisation of a truck of stateful JavaEE6 DTOs populated magically (undocumented) with data coming from a SQL DB... WTF mode!!!
5. Session logics lives within PHP-land at point 2, front end makes ajax calls here that propagates to another WS out of our control that triggers -somehow- (undocumented) our Java backend at point 4 to generate new XMLs and then reach front end again. Kill me now.

Boss: look... it's too slow for the client, it's too heavy on our servers: fix it. Ah, and we sold 85% test coverage by October. You're the man for the job. (I'm a Node.js fullstacker and right now there's not even a testing scaffold, ofc).
Me: prod is on Linux or Windows?
Boss: RHEL7.
Me: rm -rf / as root. Done.
Boss: I know I know...
Me: ...

I think time has come...

Old, bad quality and not mine. Still just had to share

Being 25 and just now getting employable dev etc skills is really quite daunting when you learn of the old geniuses like Bill Joy, Linus, Wozniak and then hear daily stories of 16 year olds doing amazing things.
Inexperience in a field where everyone demands experience is scary. Still excited to see where I Can l can get though.

First dev job and I've made it to lunch time, better than I'd convince myself I would do.

fonfi's post reminded me of this.
The power of the floppy!

Just had the shittiest job interview ever. Had to do two tests. And since i was nervous as fuck and can't do proper JS i obviously failed!

Warning deadline over due!Warning deadline over due!

Brace yourselves, long code nights are coming!

So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".

Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.

Can comeone please fire this guy?

'Nuff said

Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.

Why does every designer has to be a complete asshole? Wtf is up with them? You take a day on your fucking design, i implement your fucking design, and then when you see it, you want it completely different again.

Yeah i applied for a job once without much js experience. I got invited for an interview and a couple of tests. The interview went well. I think the cognitive test wasn’t bad either.

However they wanted to see funky js shit i hadn’t ever done or see before and also was totally useless skill wise.

I asked if i could google answers (who doesn’t in their daily script job?) but i wasn’t.

I tried for like 5 or 10 minutes and then blurted out to the major CTO super tech savy master degree microsoft-o-worthy, that my js skills weren’t up for the task.

He gave me a couple of links to pdf’s with programming basics teached at a high school. Totally cool and understanding.

I walked away ashamed and probably red as a tomato. Excused myself for wasting his time and left as quickly as possible.

Me to coworkers tomorrow: best wishes.
Me to boss tomorrow: Go f*ck yourself

So i had the second talk with this company today. The backend developer somehow expected me to know all four benefits of jQuery. What the hell dude?

Nobody knows everything.

I’m not a big fan of jQuery period.

Started a new job a month ago. I’m the only real frontend developer here. I come from a company with 10+. Now i’m working with a old ux guy. Mr. UX teached me the usage of a styleguide. This styleguide is a fucking mess. The legacy code is a fucking mess. They way of working, up for improvement.
I have a dream...

They hired a new person to come and help put with the project. This guy graduated a freaking year ago. Common guys wtf?!

Saying he is a full stack developer but unable to get a database running :’)

99 IT recruiters on the phone, 99 IT recruiters.
Take one down and pass it around, 99 IT recruiters on the phone.

Merry Christmas?

Bah humfeature!

Ow how badly i want to punch the designer in his face

Why are my projects NEVER done?

Every night around midnight my internet turns to shit, ping jumps to 1000ms ... Lasts for a few hours.

Only tech support available at that time is cheapest call center in Bombay

"Okay please sir I am running the tests now please. Nothing is wrong sir from my end"

"Oh? What's the latency from your end to my modem?"

".... Sir I am runnings the tests..."

Bah! It's whack...

Got new work phones.
Mines sorted :).

Anyone else digging when a client delivers an awesome design for a website - in POWERPOINT?!?!

Sold!

How?
Is it a test?

I was in a meeting with the designer, the backend guys and a marketing person this morning. They talk about a frontender like i’m not even here.

I have a job interview this week so hopefully this will soon indeed be the case.

I drink a lot and of water so I always have two glasses by my bedside -
A full one in case I get thirsty and an empty one in case I don't...

Company is celebrating new awards. Whole dev team basically says fuck you we have better things todo and isn’t attending for champagne.

I was just in a meeting. Making notes on my phone. Appearently coworker thought i was on FB or something and asked if i could focus. I was just making notes?!
He felt pretty stupid :)

When you're using any Android or Windows phone and passerby asks "Is that an iPhone? That looks like an iPhone".
😒

Muy lol

How did I fail this?

Socalled Sr Frontender... doesn’t close div tags. Common dude. You are as junior as they come XD

Setting up a local website here takes a couple of hours at least. Worst case scenario is 2 or 3 days.

I have to do it in 30m and the pc didn’t even had IIS or Sql Server studio.

Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"

-_-'

So i already worked 40 hours this week and i have still 8 more hours to go.

Made a shift from 08:30 till 23:30 and wannabe lead had the guts to tell me i could work from home.

Maybe it's not a bad idea to leave the office.

And fucking quit

Putting your screen vertical for coding, who does it? I never tried but am curious so maybe i should

Always nice to hear colleages say: great work on this website. Really neat.

Two days later: yeah, i gathered some feedback for the site…

*beware, pile of shit comments incoming*

If i can make all buttons on the website manageble.

Haha just asking for 300 changes in a single issue. Wtf

Today's Daily Dev Exercise: practice your patience waiting for clients to email you back.

It annoys me when restaurants provide an online form for reservations, put in their disclaimer that "no reservation = no table", but when you make the reservation things go wrong.
For starters: their infrastructure not working on weekends (while they are open on weekends), them doing manual instead of automatic validation of a reservation, them not even knowing how to manage their own reservation system (which gives me the idea that they purchased some random reservation software).

I ended end having to call them about my reservation, they had a confused voice at the phone while they were navigating their own reservation software and ended up saying "Yeah ok table is booked, bye". I understand they're stressed out but come on, I don't think this is a modern nor graceful process. If you're boasting about having a reservation form, then at least live up to it. It reminds me of another restaurant where I had made a reservation online and when I got there, they told me "Next time book by phone please, we're not used to our software". For *********** sake.

Bah.

I find it so frustrating that i have to do my frontend coding in the same sprint the designer is working out what i’m suppose to create.
This isn’t working people!
I have got jackshit to do because all i can do is wait for the design but mr. Designer is pixelfucking his ass off.

Seriously, i’m working here for a couple of months but already looking around for vacancies.

So far i've been asked at least three times this week if i like it here.
I consider this a disadvantage...

We had some PR’s this morning. Colleage rewrote an app. Restructured everything. Broke some things. Not a single comment and merged to master.

I get questions like: WhY dO yOu PuT a BuTtOnPrEsS aNd A mOuSeCliCk HeRe?

FOR ACCESSIBILITY ASSHOLE!!! SOMETHING YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER HEARD OF!!!

Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!

So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...

I can't decide on a linux distro because all I've tried are great. Seriously.

I'd call myself a novice-to-intermediate linux user (heavy on the novice part) and since I work as a web developer it's been a great learning experience to use the same OS on my workstation as the webservers my projects run on. (Ie I started out with Ubuntu and a LAMP setup).

The thing is I distrohop ad infinitum... Feels like I've tried out every desktop environment known to mankind (I just can't stop myself when I see a new one or a new take on an old one) and I've dipped my toes in Arch territory to. Loved Antergos when that still was a thing. Found EndeavourOS this weekend, kernel panic ensued. I'm a noob with sudo and that's never a good thing. 😆 (Try out in a virtual machine first you say? Bah. Where's the fun in that?!)

So now I'm on Linux Mint w Cinnamon because why not. (Because it's sluggish and boring, that's why...) I had to just get something up and running quickly so I could get back to work. 😬

But one day in and I'm realising I actually miss GNOME. And Ubuntu feels like home. I would feel much cooler using Arch but honestly I don't think I can be trusted with it. I love tinkering with settings, look and feel and whatnot but I can honestly do that just as well in an Ubuntu/GNOME environment.

Maybe Pop!_OS... could be something for me. 😏

I told myself for 18 months things like; ‘im being here, working here, and i like it here’.

Also when others left, nothing could break my confidence.

Present moment i’m happy to leave this place. This madhouse. This stressed out place where everybody keeps licking clients asses. Fuck this shit, i’m much better off elsewhere!

I am dreaming of leaving this company while the building burns. Or just before leaving, throwing my pc to pieces.

I wish i could scream: FUCK *company name*!!!

I'm wondering if recruiters are just as irritating everywhere or that this is just the shitty situation we have in the Netherlands.

I was once called by an unknown number and heard a typical recruiter story. Since i never heard of or spoke to this person i kindly asked where he'd get my information from. Since mr, Recruiter didn't answer and just kept selling his great position i hung up.

He called back.

I picked up the phone again and he told me there were connection issues. I once again asked where he found my number. And again he just acted like he didnt hear me and sells his great position.

Hangs up and blocks the number. Go f(...) yourself damn recruiter!

Just writing this because i’m stressed as fuck and i’m currently having my second sleepless night in a row...

Like i mentioned earlier i have 4 projects on my name. Two are on a real tight deadline, the other two are smaller, more support like issues.

Last week i got asked basically to get about 20 storypoints done in two hours by my Scrum master. Ehh no. Impossible. Wish i could do magic...

Yesterday i had to make a quick hotfix between the two bigger projects. Tried to reject this but had to do this any way. (It was basically the clients fault/content)

Also, f’d it up because there are current changes that are ready for deploy but haven’t been approved yet.

Do i get a f’ckin email this morning about how the progress wasn’t followed and the git permissions aren’t right.

You fucking twat! If i i did have ANY freaking minute in my planning to actually take the time for this damn hotfix this didn’t happen any way! You’re fucking restrictions only make things harder you goddamn motherfucking morron!

Every time i got fired. So thats 6. At least in the past ten years. Every time i saw colleages get fired. So double that. Every 10nth job interview i went to. Maybe i should say i doubt my dev future every single fucking day.

Lead developer about Project X:

“Focus on responsiveness. That will probably take you the rest of the week”

The next day:

“Focus on functionality Y”

MAKE UP THAT MIND FFS?!

Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)

I first realised I wanted to be a developer, when my older brother told me about The Net (movie) with Sandra Bullock. He told me about the pi sign in the bottom right corner, and all I wanted to do was to make websites with secret sections that only I knew about.

Another fun thing. This morning one of the first mails i read was a issue about a bug in our software.

This was a bug i mentioned months ago but there was nog evidence where i searched like mails chats or tickets.

If people would just listen to me this bug was solved months ago but back then i got a reaction like: "works over here" while i tested it on two different instances with buggy results each time.

!dev

I have this urge to get better at coding and software architecture and design. But fuck me if I'm not lazy about it.
All these crazy good books and lectures and here I am, doing jackshit to improve. Can't even finish my own personal projects. Bah.

I know how I'm supposed to go about it, how to keep engaged in a cycle of personal betterment. I lack self-discipline to do it though... Tried meditation for a time, but haven't really stuck to it. Currently trying to follow stoics (Seneca, Marcus Aurelius and some others), but the mindset is not so easy to adopt, and the practical philosophies even harder.

Oh well. Life is hard. Blah-blah-blah. Thanks for reading. Just wanted to vent, really.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!

When devRant take a minute to load any page on your main optic fiber connection, and speed test says that everything is fine....😤
UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!
bah at least the 4G works properly 😧

Started this day great with the mention that a coworkers contract isn’t suspended.

In August?

Thats in freaking 6 months. Workload is already fucking insane, and STILL you fucking decide to fucking fire another fucking person from YOUR fucking company.
This has been the 5th i think and my contract is due to July. If it is prolonged i’m thinking of screwing this company over my going away myself. Bunch of mother fucking idiots.

Ended the day great as well.
Heard that a new person is going for lead promotion. Haha.
He has been here for only two months. :,)

Left and right projects are exploding meanwhile i’m in the middle trying to cut the right wire!

Best wishes for the new year. Happy 2017 fellow devs!

This guy... starts at 11. Ends at 16:00... And i’m supposed to work with him while my day is 9-17. No communication whatsoever. Great. Fucking great. Im boring my brains out meanwhile.

Coworker and dev lead had a discussion about newsletter implementation last friday.
I told them, i’ve tried the setup before, it’s not gonna work, it’s behind an ip-block and they need a backend person.

Lead was convinced it was possible and started drawing stuff.

End result: wasn’t possible.

People really need to start listening around here...

Developing a clothing shop and being bored. Adding clients like Napoleon Bonaparte with the comment that this person is missing a hand.

Client breaks website and i’m the one trying to fix things. For two unplanned hours i’ve been trying to help and instead of a thank you i get a thanks for nothing message. I’m not responding to this client next time. Fuckn bitch

SO in a nutshell

So stress is back on. Justed wanted to work. Computer crashed.

Deadlines with Windows 10 isn’t a good combo. Booting takes between 15 and 30 minutes ofcourse. Site needs to go live monday.

Joy...

Recruiters have gone fucking mad! They are offering me a job in Brussels haha, this is at least a two hour drive away!!

Unless this job comes with a personal helicopter service, hell no!

Updated my Linkedin status last weekend. The recruiter hell is already starting. Everybody wants a piece of me.

I just realized i have a great talent for saying wrong things in a job interview.

In a team with 7+ Frontenders. Only one is vhecking my Pull requests. *sight*

Without any proper JS knowledge careeroptions are very limited... and i won't be able to pay my rent without a job :/

Bah! I am sure computers know when you are in a rush. Without fail my computer will run as fast as a snail riding backwards on a turtle every time I am in a rush!

Mum's new office cat (Tony) is fond of mice..

I had a half our discussion the other day with a projectmanager about the menu. He wanted to have both inpage anchor links as well as normal links in the main navigation. I found it completely stupid and didn’t get why you would want this. It’s totally unexpected behaviour from a users perspective and tried for 30 minutes to convince him of his stupidity.

Afterwards i gave in, sure, i’ll make it your stupid way. The actual pages that are there now won’t be visible anymore but if this is what you reallllllly want: sure.

Yesterday he came with a remark: the pages that used to be there can’t be reached anymore.

Always trust your developer

I have seen a developer implement lots and lots of breakpoints. For basically every pixel resolution a new one. Yes, it’s literally pixel perfect. No it isn’t maintainable in any way

We are not interested in your skills right now, but is it ok if we keep your details to maybe contact you in the future?

8/9 never hear ever from then again.

1/9 so i wasn’t good enough for you back then, and now that i have a job i am? Go f* yourself!

I got my evaluation today. First time in a year that i had a talk longer 30 minutes. 1,5 hours was a bit too much maybe. After an hour i just wanted to get over with it.
Verdict: average
Meanwhile i could’ve improved my project...

Last week i had a talk with my boss. Actually he more had a talk with me. Why i wasn’t able to finish my work the sprint before. I told him i had to run not one, but two project at the same time and on top of that had to show a new coworker around.

Some how i keep thinking about quitting this shit.

PC was slow as shit yesterday, but this is taking 1,5 hours...
So far for productivity

deal with oop.

because they made it waaaaay more complicated than it needs to be.

Was struggling today with some form elements and asked a coworker for help. Coworker start interupting immediately and doesn’t listen to any explaining at all. After trying to get a couple of points a cross he suddenly says: ok, i’m gonna let you finish your sentence...

Thanks twat! Next time show at least a bit of respect and start with that!

hey devs, quick question:
does rust support branchless conditionnals and jump tables, and if yes where to look for syntax?

i found no example for branchless so far and jump tables are scary in rust (and i need a library to use them, it seems).

inb4 "why in the hell/ what possible use those have?!":
i use branchless to make a looping array and jump tables whenever there's more than 4 if statements with equal probability, and the deciding factor is a numeric value, so quite often.

Asked; fullstack developer. Must know .net Core and photoshop. Wtf

So, i started at this company about 4 months ago. So far i mostly worked in existing project and legacy code.

We started a new project for a pretty big client, and i'm the one who's responsible for setting the project up. The last two days i've been struggling with database issues. Finally got the site running locally about an hour ago.

And now i am running into troubles because i don't know how to set up a project yet since i only worked in existing projects.

Great. Can't say i'm not challenged here!

Been offered first dev job, the adventure begins :)

Crawling around in a legacy project. Need to rewrite 500 lines of SCSS, to regular CSS. Fuck it. Runs compiler, beautifier and copy paste that shit.

Friday end of work - select shut down and update, thinking PC would do those things.
My morning so far:

Heard yesterday this is my last week. I have 5 jobinterviews this week. Go!

Rejections flying left and right and i’m getting tired of it. I’m already applying for a month and have been to 10 companies, made multiple assignments but it’s the same fucking story every single time.

Time for a goddamn careerswitch. Maybe riding a bus or a truck or so.

The procedure of introducing new coworkers here is still not clear to me.
I hear a new person is introduced behind me, so i thought i had to shake a new hand soon. But no.

I probably get an impersonal email in about a week when he/she has been working here for 4 days.

So I had this Google account for all of clients social, hosting, etc.
Out of the blue client wants access to these accounts.
Unfortunately I had not logged into these accounts in a long time.
Now when I try to login Google is not sending 2f texts to my registered number, even the give code over call option is not working, my number is recieving texts and calls, so it's not a network issue.
To top it all off due to numerous attempts it won't let me try other options and my recovery email recieved security alert of the said attempts with no option of actually specifying it was a legitimate attempt.
Fuck this overly protective attempt at security and fuck the guy who thought it was a good idea to send emails about attempts but not including any option to actually do something about it.

Working on a bug that in my opinion never worked. “Sr. Dev” dares to say the function has worked before. I’m a 100% sure it never did.
“Yes but everything is being tested before we go live.”

Dude, we have a monkey testing our stuff are you serious!?

Because i had some problems on sites in the past that were iOS specific i configured one of the leftover Macs here as a test device. A week later this laptop has been kidnapped and until now it is gone. I can start installing everything again on a new one because one of the fellow workers here is stupid as fuck

7 circles of developer hell

Mondays: the amount of typos os too damn higg!

Trust me dude I can totally code but only alone and not with others around where no one can see me. Where no one can see me 🤥 Is there a Sunkist machine on the floor with my office? I'm the new senior developpah! Develll-opp-bah! Senyyyyawwww! Devel0PPA!🤪🙃

I asked the designer if he had ideas on the hover or active states of the buttons. He came with a pretty flashy codepen: “Maybe something like this?”

I tried making the thing myself. It was pretty complicated since it had a background/foreground etc so i tried a couple of things with :before :after but to no avail. I gave up and decided to give it another try the next morning.

Next morning i started to copy paste the existing code from the codepen.
Quickly i discovered what a pile of shit was send to me. This button had twice as much lines then needed and above all; it wasn’t scalable at all.

I reworked the code removed everything i didn’t need and now have decent animating button. Which is flashing the eyes out of the visitors. But hey, it’s flashy!!

lel just noticed a pattern here:

if someone asks newbie questions on devrant about anything - gets shat on

but if that person asks about react - its all roses and rainbows

i say there's a new cult in town and theyre recruiting!

Used to work tech support at a school.
The sheer amount of people that would come from buildings away to ask for help with the mouse or keyboard not working was weird. The annoying part, most have probably guessed, was that it was always just unplugged. Teacher's did this too.

Back in the day when daily standups where still physical, i worked at a place you had to pay a euro if you where late. This money would then be used to buy the team dinner on pizza nights for example. Ofcourse everything changed with the daily standups being digital now.

How would you still implement somekind of correction for people being late unnecessary?

Jesus so help me god. I just come here to rant about this FUCKING API PLATFORM. It uses doctrine, i set annotations, YET IT FUCKING KEEPS PUSHING the IRI's. IRI FOR IRITANT. What a fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck system. Bah bah... lost 2 hours because of this SHIT!

Ok, that helps. THANK YOU!

Also: Windows Updates are breaking my solution. Goddamn you Microsoft. Burn in hell!

I was promised a new pc with SSD in 2017. I got my own slow but complete pc back in 2018.

The progress is stunning in this company!

Xcode and xamarin! Been busy for weeks to get the ios app aligned in each screen

!rant
Successfully built and understood two d3.js visualizations today.
Feels good man

This is getting kind of annoying now. Everytime i am planned for a (small) project, there is less to no briefing and nobody has a clue what to do.
Then how the hell am i supposed to?

Always interested in computers, started taking stuff apart, eventually found Linux, fell in love with that a bit and through command line learnt more.
Now finished a comp sci MSc and about to start a job. All I in know is there is a huge amount more to learn before I feel competent and confident. Excited about that though.

I have no specialty, I’m a total generalist. Frameworks and buzzword tech is only useful to me if it makes it easier to code without extraneous syntax, or if I need to know it for the job! Recruiters hate hearing this, they want someone who lives, eats and breathes react.js! They want someone with PASSION for easier (or harder due to shit design) ways to do easy things bc ITS FUTURE! React separates true developers from code monkeys! You never heard of Deno? Serverless NOSQL? BAH! Back to your cave, you bickering caveman! MY DIVINE RECRUITINESS DEEMETH THEE UNWORTHY FOUL WORM

Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.

Lol. Because there aren’t backend resources available, frontenders are now implementing Backend functionalitiet with JS. -_-‘

Don't you just love that moment when you see shit,

Flying.
In a bow.
Through the air.

And actually just starting, just starting, to hit the fan.

Three days before your deadline.

And it is crystal clear the project is gonna end up as a mess.
Total disaster.
But the best thing of all: it's not your fault.
So, you are actually celebrating the mess to come a little, and know that you can blame the guy who isn't trusting you as a new guy, and show him, with all his more years experience, he is the one who can't be trusted.

For the past days i’ve mentioned that i need a backender to create me an extra page in the solution. No attention was given. Backenders where too busy. Today we started a new sprint and i got asked what i’m gonna do.

I told them for the fourth time, i need backend work done to continue.
I got pissed.
Backender got pissed.

And in the end nothing will be done for this cause.

Fucking great.
Fuck my life.
Fuck these people.

Let’s start the week great with a scrum master complaining about a functionality that isn’t working, and a coworker that’s pointing in my direction.

Go point your finger elsewhere (***)

When I first got Linux, then fell in love with diving through the system on the command line. Then I also realised I finally had the confidence to learn what I wanted, instead of what was advised to me.
Still in no way confident with programming, but I'm getting there.

Yes and we recently opened a new office in Amsterdam. Because because from Amsterdam only want to do business with people from Amsterdam.

Well great. You think i want to go over there? My company has an office in Switserland. And the previous one in Curacao. I got here because i can bike or even walk this distance if i wanted.

Im browsing to webdeveloper vacancies all day today. Appearently every company thinks they are working with or on state-of-the-art technology. This term is raped and abused for sure!

IE11 is my fucking enemy lately. We’re trying to keep up with the latest techniques here so we gave CSS Grid a try. Only works partially in IE11 but still important since our old users still use it and it’s responsibe for 5% of all income.

Are there other developers who have a version displayed in their test site? We have it now but as a FE i really dislike everything in my viewport that isnt needed or possible to find elsewhere. Feels like the oldschool commercial popup now being red and obvious.

I was told to be more inclusive.
So from now on, i (void *) everything and compile with -w

Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.

Scrum master goes home.

Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.

He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.

Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.

I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.

After a big part of the day spending in Angular i decided to do something else. I went studying a bit on how to increase conversion. Partially because this was the main goal of the webdev team in the coming months. The UX designer saw it and told me if he where me he would study more code and scripting.

Like dude. Wtf. Im doing this for 1 in the 8 working hours. Get off my back asshole.

Got a call by a recruiter for a function i already applied at and already got rejected as well.

That was a very fast call!

So i had a challenge with a js slider and i wanted my coworker to think along. I was trying to explain my problem and the steps taken so far but, as always, he wants to interrupt me after to sentences. He somehow always thinks he knows things better.

Dude let me first explain my shit before you start working on your solution. This is pure disrespect asshole!

Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar

So i had two jobinterviews at a company and i was basically through for a test. It just so happens that the person who should give the test is sick for a couple of weeks. So instead they asked me to send them some code to evaluate.

Today i got an email telling me that the level of my code doesn’t match my years of experience so the process stops here.

Somehow i can’t help myself but to wish that the guy who evaluated my code now just is sick for at least
another moth!

Funfact: in one of the interviews i was told that they don’t work with junior people. I personally think everyones view on jobtitle/rank is different so i’m not a big fan of it in any case.

However this company LITERALLY has a blog describing how they hired someone without any working experience and thus being a junior.

Guess i’ll be stuck in my current deadend job for a while.

Fucking hell my insights are late ones...
So I am working with fluid dynamics simulation. I went home fired up the laptop and started the calculations. This is how the events went:

9 PM: starting the calculation
10 PM: checking on the graphs to see whether everything will be alright if I leave it running. Then went to sleep.
2 AM: Waking up in shock, that I forgot to turn on autosave after every time step. Then reassured myself that this is only a test and I won't need the previous results anyway.
5 AM: waking up, everything seems to be fine. I pause the calculation hibernate the laptop and went to work.
6:40 AM on my way to the front door a stray thought struck into my mind... What if it lost contact with the licence server, while entering hibernated state. Bah never mind... It will establish a new connection when I switch it back on.
6.45 AM Switching on the laptop. Two error messages greet me.

1. Lost contact with license server.
2. Abnormal exit.

Looking on the tray the paused simulation is gone. Since I didn't enabled autosave, I have to start it all over again. Well. Lesson learned I guess. Too bad it cost 8 hours of CPU time.

So, the wanna be lead FE dev came in late this morning. I asked him if everything worked out with his home. Turned out he didn't have an appointment for his home.

He decided to see a friend for breakfast.
Now... This guy is is going through a tough time with a girl but still... wtf. At least tell your coworkers about something like this. Just made up an excuse "for personal reasons".

No he just stays away and nobody knows how what or why. Like... wtf?

Anyway, he's here now. Surfing tech sites as usual. Instead of working on the project in Jira.

And ofcourse project won't be done by the end of the day
*sight*

Wow! My rights to merge work is just revoked. This is fucking bullshit. Whenever i want to merge my work the project lead has to do it. And when he’s sick ill have to go to the fe lead, who is in meetings 24/7. Fucking great

So ive been on this project for months. Project lead did not have a role anymore and now they decide this other guy is the new project lead. This while i am the one having to deploy everything and answer questions from mr Free Lance.

Holy crap i gotta find myself a new job, these people are going nuts.

Im done here with the discussions about the capabilities of a senior person. They are looking for a senior frontender and everything being said makes me feel less welcome by the day. Being a frontender myself.

Mark my words: they are looking for a replacement and i’m fired this summer.

So we’re in a completely bugge stage of the repo and ofcourse the client goes: we want this and that functionality live today. And i can’t say no so now i have to figure out if this is a smart thing to do. I guess its not

I’ve always hated the pixel fucking part in a webdev project. It’s the most frustrating becausing it’s partly about optinions.

I like the pixels better over there

I want this coler greener

Can we make this animation more cool?

Now imagine pixel fucking in 16 devices and 200 resolutions...

Working on the .Net framework makes me feel like I'm working in a McDonald's kitchen.

I was already done with the company that couldn't make up their mind about JS. I got a mail:
They're stopping the procedure because they're looking for someone that also enjoys coding in their spare time. In other words: work 80 hours a week.

Hey 10 new tickets for me today. Hey all 10 are Backend. I feel like i know sh*t. Let's just not do this and be bored instead.

today i had to teach a friend of mine that:
"we don't negotiate with the terrorists from artistic department".

plot twist: i am the artistic department:p

Couple of years ago i was working on a custom webshop with a third party designer and a manager. The manager didnt do his job right in my eyes. Didn't have overview of the tasks and was way too busy/lazy/stressed whatever.

Eventually i could go figure things out with the designer myself because he wanted some crazy menu structure.

So crazy i knew for sure that the usability wouldn't come to good.

Eventually deadline was past due and the projectmanager got me fired.

While back the brand i made the shop for went bankrupt.

What comes around gets around eventually.

My previous employer halted my interest in CSS preprocessors for years, so I was so excited to get started using Sass this year.

But the excitement was short-lived. The limitations and weird adaptations leaves me with grey hairs frowning faces.

Bah.

We have a nerf gun in the office here and i'm at the point that whenever i here a click, there is a *duck, hide and roll* part of me triggered. I just saw a guy opening a soda can when i noticed this

This guy! I have a week off and he decides to rewrite the videos and video popups in this site.

He made it all so general that every video is loaded in every page AND auto plays.

Whenever a user is visiting his or her orders it plays all thos videos simulteously while not showing any video.

This guy....

When you want to ask your colleague a question and he everything he says is max speed and stressed as hell:

everythingisjustreallysimplejustclickclickclickydyclikandyouaredonesir.

Owandwhatyoudidntknowiworkonwindowastheonlyonebutthatshouldntreallybeaproblemyadybladieyaetcetera

...but but i knew halfway already where his answer was going and still he continues instead of having an actual conversation it’s waaaay better to talk as much as possible in the shortest amount of time.

I was in a meeting the other day which started with a introducing of the members and a basic explanation about scrum.

The meeting ended with the note form the client that the project was absolutely not allowed to cost more then X.

After the meeting a coworker asked who explained scrum to the client. And it was explained twice by two different people.

January is always the month of feedback and reflection. I dont mind going to the office x times a week and standing still on the highway every day. But if they are asking me to spend my own time on a course now they can lick my balls. Im already working for two years without a raise. Ik not continuing like this. I understand everyone needs to improve but if im exhausted at the end of the day by all the buzz in the office i dont have energy left for additional schooling. Im learning on the job. Deal with it

Just received an email from a company i applied while searching for a new job. They sended me this little assigment to show my skills since they had the feeling i couldnt show them much.

(they browsed through 3 of my websites while i was there, including a check on the code)

It was a simple layout assigment. Just a responsive page with a hamburger menu (also mentioned during this interview)

It took me a couple of hours to create it and ive send it back in the hope of some positive feedback.

Feedback: assignment was pretty good but it show a lack of php experience. I was clearly more on the .NET side.

....

I just sended html, css and js files as requested. HOW THE F* DO YOU COME TO THIS CONCLUSION?!?!

Damn idiots, im glad i found people that actually do know how to hire people!

Contractmeeting in 1,5 hour. Its either permanent or i'm 'kicked out'. Option two would be the 4th time already. Whatever the outcome, i'll be ok!

Director walked in asking about the new homepage which we’re currently running an A/B test for. This page has been made and discussed by her direct colleague, the general director.

While walking though the page together with my colleage the designer the encounter a broken link.
Easy to fix ofcourse, and so we did, but shortly after he went back to hos room my colleage got an email asking who was responsible for this mistake.

It’s not one person. In first instance it’s our 6 headed web team. But after we deliver it multiple people test the page, and also the company who creates the A/B test sees tests and confirms.

This all happened during my holidays, but still i feel also responsible.

Couple of tiny mistakes, and still nobody in this whole process notices.
(At least 10 persons)

HOW THE HELL is that possible?!

Im getting stalked so much by recruiters right now! Im ignoring a call every 10 minutes and writing back on mail/linkedin ever 15. Fuck offff! Please!

Im collecting all names, mails and numbers and maybe i’ll just fucking mass mail them all haha. And after that sign them up for freaking midgetporn muahahaha

So im new here and trying to find my way. There is one colleague who's been sick for a couple of days and just came back.
Note on the appearence of this person: big, tattooed bearded, but im not scared easily ;)

Trying to introduce myself: "Hi, let's shake hands: i'm [name]"

Colleague: "Are you sure about that?"

Yeah. Great week with awkard interactions so far!

I’m longing for the day that JS will be my friend instead of my enemy.

To compile my code in Windows I have to use VS

Bah humbug