Devs we be like.....!...thanks to Bots.....Why should we remain single for ever😂😂😂

I know someone from Uni who used a green text on red background IDE to make sure the colourblind person sat next to him couldn't copy his code...

Little fun story

About 3 years ago, my woman came gome from picking up our son from kindergarten.

She told me that she met a very nice woman - also a mom - whose man is also a dev (He is a FullStackDev, while I mainly do backend in PHP) .

She said that she invited them over for BBQ the next day.

In my mind, I was like "Fuck, now I need to listen to some wanker explaining me how great it is to be doing full stack with all the latest and greatest tools and bells and whistles why I am the fat kid using PHP"...

The BBQ-day arrived, we have met, we have talked, and we have been best friends and brothers-from-another-mother ever since.

Life is good sometimes.

Dumbest feature request was to hide log out button so that people do not leave the website 😂

How I feel when editing an Android Manifest file

Boss called ! Said no need to come in today because it's friday and I worked hard this week... feeling like a boss. 💪

Hahaha 😀

Acknowledge my code 😂

My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅

SFW version of '50 Shades of Grey'

Hi there fellas,

I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.

It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.

I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.

I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.

I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.

He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.

The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.

I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.

So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.

At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.

That's it.
My first story about my first job.

Thank you for reading 😊

Today is my last day at this job.

Can't tell you how happy I am to be leaving this place in about 7 hours.

Starting my new job in January, so I get 4 weeks of nice vacation/ family time.

How web developers debug their markup...

.someBox {
background-color: pink;
}

Self hosted Gitlab server :-)

Knock knock.

Race condition.

Who's there?

Code doesn't lie, comments do.

Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣

When even the gift mug you got from your coworkers has a bug in the code...

Honestly: I love my job. Every day. I get paid to do what I love to do. And when I get home after sometimes 11 hours of work, I turn on my notebook to do exactly what I did at work - just as a relaxation method.

#Deep #Memories

Best boss I have ever had?

He owned a car dealership and made me the first fulltime employed webdev in a car dealership in germany.

He believed in me and our mutual vision, and we had an awesome 7.5 years together. he gave me time to develop myself and to develop software and websites.

through my software and process optimization we were able to go from 300 sold cars per year to 3000 without hiring any more employees and without increasing workload and stress on the employees.

When I had my last day at his company, he didn't show up.
I was mad like hell, because we have spent so much time together, went to many countries together, even slept in the same hotel bed! I considered him pretty much a friend, even though he was my boss and 10 years older.

Much later he told me that he didn't show up on my last day because he didn't want to cry.

now we meet every 3 months and go out, eat and drink and just talk and laugh.

best guy ever, will never forget what he did for me.

How do you fix a bug in a badly written code?
You don't. You re-write that shit!

Fork it....

Cringing when movies get programming things wrong 😷

That moment when you realise:
money != Happiness
Stickers === Happiness

Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:

Sure thing

Dave

Sent from my iPhone

Risk free :-D

When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...

Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.

Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁

Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...

Got a new job as UX Developer! Drinks are on me guys 🍻

10 more days at my current job.
then: 4 weeks off to rest and get my side projects online.
then: start my new job.

life is good sometimes

I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)

Google just turned 18 years yesterday,cant believe i've been asking inappropriate questions to a minor for al those years
😆😅😂

Old man's tale. It's true.

Like 12 years ago, I was working in a small town computer store.

One day, a really ugly woman came in and asked for data recovery since she could not boot up her PC anymore.

We recovered her data, and just to make sure it was all "working", we randomly checked a few directories for files.

We have found some photos of her.
Her and a bottle of Coke.
Let me put it this way: she loves coke bottles. A lot.

There are things that can't be unseen, and moments you still remember after 12 years. Like the moment she came in to get her stuff - and you need to pretend to be all business while you're almost pissing your pants.

Good days :)

So I have this best friend who is almost 10 years younger than me. (I'm turning 40 this month). He's a full stack web dev, nodejs-god, react-maniac, you name it. He fucking LIVES to code the most amazing shit I have seen to date.

I, on the other hand, am that old, little overweight PHP coder webdev with a shitload of experience in that field (17th year now), also with linux webserver administration and all the JavaScript knowledge I need in m job.

Sitting next to him and doing some fun coding sessions always makes me feel like I am that "slow, fat kid in class"... while he is the coding master.

Sitting at work (marketing agency) where I started as the new webdev 10 months ago, I still feel like the coding guru because even the web 'developers' don't know jack shit yet (coz they never had to).

It's fine, they are learning and want to learn.

All I wanna say that even though one might be seen as a senior dev by some, he might sometimes feel like a junior dev when he's around others.

When you apply breakpoint to the 'if' statement but 'else' part gets executed...

I <3 PHP

there, I said it.

When server is fed up of serving captcha 😆

Keeping up with new JS frameworks is like keeping up with celebrity gossip. It really isn't useful on it's own but you can talk to other people about it and be perceived as woke.

hmmm😃

Stack Overflow documentation is gonna be awesome in a few years...

Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**

I do programming with htpl

😜 arrays

The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.

Kill me

/* secret devRant script */

let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}

If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV

Lower expectations, deliver results

That feeling when you solve a problem that you thought is gonna take you days in 10 mins.... Still believe that it's a trap 😐

When I was 23 or so, I worked nights in a tier-1 control room. Each workstation had a win98 desktop, and two HPUX workstations running CDE. I read all of the lord of the rings in text files on the HPUX machines, and since it was in an xterm window, my supervisor thought I was just tailing logs.

I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D

The effort I put into git commit messages directly reflects my mood and level of tiredness.

When my former boss let me go, he asked "you devs do not plant some secret code into your software so you can destroy it remotely, do you?".

I smiled and walked away.

Needless to say I got some money on top on my last day at that job.

I love the skill requirements section of a junior Dev job advertisement.

To summarise "Basically you'll need all the skills and experience of a senior, but we are gonna pay you much much less". 😔

I love you. I live devRant.
All I need sometimes is scrolling through your stuff, and I feel better.
Be safe, girls and guys. Be healthy, and stay here. #OneBigFamily ❤️

Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!

Some interesting news:
(Non-literal translation)
Steam is currently working on a Windows emulator that may run any games from your steam library on Linux.
What do you think guys?
I like that Steam cares about Linux users.

Today we have a client visiting work. Dressing like a proper business person is mandatory 🙄

Weirdest co-worker? I met this one guy who preferred waterfall to agile development...

Did you know that stackoverflow actually has got a "home" page?

you are welcome :)

If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark

etc etc..

When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒

Moment when your boss catches you reading dev-rants while you are supposed to be working...

God this code is hideous

* git blame *

Ahhhh

*slowly back away from the computer*

There's a band called 1023MB.They haven't had any gigs yet...They need a bit more time. A mega-bit more time and probably a Bus😃😀... 😂😂More like 8000😃

When developers can't use Regex:

'Your credit card number cannot contain spaces'

ಠ_ಠ

You must rant 6 - 5000 characters. fIGhT mE

Will be getting a MacBook Pro 15" on my new job. First mac ever for me. yaaay

Giving functions exciting names so you can feel like a Bond villain while programming:

execute(); destroy(); fire(); isDead();

When I got my first PC the famous Pentium 1. It just hooked me. The struggle was real back then tho....

been a win user for all my career.
started a new job last monday,and had to switch to a mac.

damn, that shit fries my brain.
all the shortcuts, my brackets, everything is different.

*Writes a recursive function that works first time*

*Feels like programming God*

I have installed Ubuntu 18.04 app on my machine - Windows 10. And it is fucking awesome. 😄

I wonder how much of my life I have spent waiting for 'npm install'

Merge conflicts in git I guess 😄

When a co-worker creates a six page website that has over 60 separate CSS files?

So I never had a proper education in IT. Started web development as a hobby, then some people started giving me money for it, and here I am, working as a fulltime web dev since 2001 and SEO expert since 2010.

Still, I sometimes wonder how much I really know compared to some fresh coder who just got out of university.

I know how to create great software from A to Z, but still I sometimes get the feeling that I am missing the fundamental basics.

Is that weird?

!rant

Whenever I open someone elses code, I do a project wide search for "FUCK".

Found many of these:

die("FUCK")
// fuck this
// #todo FUCK

Works on github as well. 😂🤣

What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her

I am the king of procrastination.

Started working at 3:30am today.
That either means I am dedicated or stupid. Maybe both.
For sure, my boss doesn't appreciate it, so I guess that makes me stupid then :)

Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!

When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...

Came into this company as a web dev. Now I have to develop a native iOS app in swift.

FML

I wish I could do TDD on my life decisions

My "Sorry, but not so sorry OneDrive" package arrived. Let's build a cloud!

Video call interviews are the best! You don’t even need trousers...

Modularise your code. It makes it very readable.

!rant
Going to quit my job today.
Feeling bad because my bosses are great guys and lead a great company.
Feeling like an asshole...

age += 1
print("Spent 8400 days on Earth ☺")
print("!em ot yadhtriB yppaH"[::-1])

yes. just life.

When your boss tells you to work on legacy PHP4 codebase...

Just entered my password, looked at devrant on my phone, looked back on the screen. "Here you go f**kwhit, I turned into the blue screen of death just because I didn't had your attention"
Did this another time while writing this rant. F**K OFF Winderp!

For the first time I tried to use WordPress. I spent almost 30mins. Now I decided I should not use that again in my life. Fuck WordPress.

Nothing like saturday morning dev and wifey making you breakfast of the year.

Notepad++

No reason. Just don’t like it anymore!

Sometimes I get so frustrated seeing my old code, I wanna travel back in time and slap myself!

When people include the entire jQuery library to animate one single div 😑

My rant of the day is not being able to use the latest version of PHP with the latest features because my host only provides 5.6!

@dfox I would love to have a "save for later"/ bookmark feature. I am seeing so many great things here and I'd love to access them later. Maybe something you could implement some day?

Cheers mate!

Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.

Aged but still works...

This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...

While I code...

Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔

Oh dear god no

nobody toucha ma spaghetti code

So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....

Set my alarm 25 minutes earlier to check out this awesome thing called devRant. Before I start my day. 😎

I just quit my job for a better one. Damn....

Thanks from England!

Major state insurance provider, all past and current members data stored unencrypted (including SSN, date of birth, home address, etc.). All developers and contract developers had read access to it. Reported it, nothing was done. Reported it again in my exit interview. Was basically told they had intrusion detection systems in place so it was not an issue.

When I was in school, I had a period called "computers" every week. We were told by our computer teacher to remove our shoes outside the computer lab to prevent viruses from entering the computers.

Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!

Curious did any of you have a specific reason to learn how to program?

I wanted to be involved in aerospace but realised I'd probably never be an Astronaut, but i could learn how to write the software that controls the spacecrafts!

These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!

Are any of you guys sentimental about your early programming efforts? I still have my first few simple Python programs on my computer, from years ago!

print("hello world")

Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!

Now, I started in a new position as a dev back in September 2020 - after some starting pleasantries like "how are you", "whats up", "how is your weekend" the working relationship with my office partner soured.

It started with asking me TOTALLY random questions while my headset was on and i was "in the zone". These were questions like: "where should I buy a car", "Why is the virus spreading so fast". I tried to answer politely but made it very clear that when the headset is on my brain and every fibre in my body is inside the code and f---ing it.

Then it escalated, she called me 9.30PM on xmas day and wondered if i needed the API we are using........ Which i most certainly did not.

Now she hates me because I asked to move to another office and was granted that request 15 minutes after asking....

When our company (past employer) got acquired by another company and everyone got to have a meeting where you got a black or blue envelope. One indicated you were being let go, the other indicated you were being offered an "opportunity" if you would relocate to NJ. What was an awesome company -- they destroyed the soul of it in one day.

Oh well their CEO got let go after a US Congressional investigation earlier this year. Karma, bitch!

Started working as a developer about 2 months ago and on the first day of of work I was tought how to make coffee.

I couldn't understand why is coffee so important to the everyone in the company. I didn't drink the coffee for the first 2 week.

Now after many sleepless nights spent coding i then realise why the people worship the drink so much.

People get very pissed when they go to coffee machine and find that there is no coffee then the last person to have a cup is going to be shouted at and at times even get insulted.

Now coffee is my fuel and cant do much without it.

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = '3' AND owner = 'me'; DROP ALL TABLES; --

Ranting ranter ranted a rant on ranting ranter ranting

Bae: i <3 u
Me: Uncaught SyntaxError: Unexpected identifier

If I made £1 for every new JavaScript framework that came out, i would never need to work again.

Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!

Be honest.

How many hours of your work day do you do real work?

Right now, I am at about 7/8.
Usually about 5/8.

We liked your portfolio work, but could you please show us an example of a Fibonacci sequence

ಠ_ಠ

Who is excited to watch Snowden movie with Joseph Gordon Levitt as Snowden?

Building an app in Cordova.
Customer request:

Make a fullscreen view to come up on every app start. It should have a button with the text "Start" on it to get into the app.

#wtf

Don't drink and dev. Doesn't end well.

Bank holiday weekend setup...

Do well in my first job as a dev. Very excited. 😜😜

I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!

Started my new job as a devops engineer, its been al month and i have never seen the seen of aws console or travis ci, dont even have credentials for any company cloud services.

I guess i should change my job title to backend dev

Show your notebooks :)

Think I like Dev rant so far

Who looted from the Other now🤷🤣🤣🤣Who is laughing now?🤣😃...The beauty of tech....😎

devRant is great. It's like Yik Yak but for things I can relate to!

Came here for the stickers and the stress ball.
Stayed because of the hilarity.

Do you guys ever feel like you lose the ability to be objective about your own work. I've looked at my website for so long now, I don't know if I think it's good or not...

How old are you?
I sometimes feelike the old fart in here.
I am turning 39 on Halloween :)

My university provides advanced education courses and you'll get certified if you pass them. I'm really interested but I don't have so much time, so which one should I pick?
List of courses I'm interested in:

SQL
IT-Security
Project Management
PHP

I'm curious about your suggestions ;)

Will be leaving the current company at the end of the Year without being able to end the worst project I have ever seen.
Tempted to write an apology in the comments of one of the core files....

I should get a tattoo.

It would say

King Of Procrastination

Had to ride the train to Bonn, Germany yesterday to attend a Sistrix workshop today. Bonn has one of the worst, ugliest.and smelliest train stations I have ever seen - and I have seen quite many.

The hotel I chose over inet recommendations is a shithole with paper thin walls, through which I could hear the neighbouring room's occupant snore all night.

Now I am awake at 6 am, feeling like shit and haven't had coffee yet. My workshop starts at 10, ends at 5pm. Train home leaves at 6pm, I will be home at 10:30 pm.

Gonna be a long f'n day.

I hope the SEO people I will meet are going to be fun.

A few days back I talked to a person who is far away from me with an air distance of 7937km and electronic signals moving at almost speed of light crossing countries. That was good decent conversation.

Signing the contract with a new agency as their new dev in 3 hrs. Will quit my current Job on Aug. 18. Looking forward to that day. Boss will explode...

Think in the Design of iPhone 11 John Ive was absent; this was Tom (Cook)'s idea and inspiration 😆😆😆😆

Ok... Now the fun stuff can begin :)

Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".

Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"

Here's your first project, you need to fix bugs in IE you can do that on this MacBook. :/
Ummm..

Writing one dev-rant a day keeps dev-frustrations away!

A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!

you know what was fun?
Back in 2012, I started developing an app for the windowsphone (7 back then) which was basically an offline backup navigation for pilots with a few extras likr weather data for pre flight planning.

It was so cool doing all this back then, because there weren't many wp devs out there.

Microsoft even sent me 6 different phones (straight from Redmond) to play with (and keep them).

Those were the days 😀😀

Duno what some guys are struggling with....

old job: mac
new job: back to windows

soooooo looking forward to it

body {
overflow-x: hidden;
}

is a bit like trying to fix a broken arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt 😅

Amen...

Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!

I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.

First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.

So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!

Plugging in my phone into my computer doesn't charge it but it definitely makes it die slower 😂😂

Universe has been working in my favour lately 😜

You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!

I have always made a distinction between a coder/programmer and a developer.

Do you think there is a difference?
If so: how?

When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...

Are people using Vim doing it for the sake of it? Is there such a thing as a Vim hipster?

I mean, nano is just nicer 😇

Dev rant needs to work more on their algos to show rants! Since I posted one bout php , every other rant I see is bout php now and I think I just shot in my feet with this rant 😂oh whatever.

"Deleted code is debugged code." - Jeff Sickel

Got my stickers and did a ballsy move and stuck them on my work laptop !!

!rant
When I need an extra 10 minutes of doing nothing, I hit up my console on full screen, "htop" and leave with the words "ouch, this is gonna take a while".

This is so nice..💙😄

<Heading> 
Synopsis of Gita (religious book of Hindus)

<Stanza 1> 
Code is an illusion
Today you are coding
Tomorrow someone else would do it
Thereafter someone else

<Stanza 2>
What did you learn
That is helping you in this Project
What are you learning
That will help you in your next Project

<Stanza 3>
Bug is the truth of life
It is today, and will remain forever
You think you have debugged the Bug
You are wrong

<Stanza 4>
It is continuous
In various new forms
It pops up
Recognise it Parth (Son of Hindu God)

<Stanza 5>
That's why go on making Codes
Don't think about the Bug
They will come to you
On their own

Cannot deny it.

Just out of curiosity...

How much of your daily work time do you actually work? :D

When your coworker is having issues with an old ColdFusion app, and says "Nevermind, I am just going to rewrite this in ASP". Yes, he is writing a "new" app in Classic ASP. 😒

Boss thinks the CMS that another dev built over the course of a good year, will make customers say "ooooh yeah, I will definately come to you and pay a shitload of money for a buggy and unfinished system, even tho I will never be able to leave with a working copy of my website like I could with wordpress".

The whole effing things is based on an old, outdated version of a popular PHP framework.

Oh yeah, and I can not update <the framework> because the dev has tinkered with the core files :)
Yay.

The whole fucking thing won't run on PHP7 and will explode right into my boss's face.

Not mine though, because I will be gone by then :)

\033[2J

Look what my gf got me a couple weeks ago.

print("Python is fucking awesome!!")

"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita

Having my last day at this company today!!! So looking forward to the new job. No more customers I have to talk to, no more deadlines, no more fucking app development.

Going to be the lead SEO and e-Commerce guy in a relatively big company, with my own small team, finally my own office again - and less development (but will still develop about 20% of the time).

Gonna be awesome, but first, I get to have 3 weeks vacation to renovate my house 😁

15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!

Any ideas on handling large file uploads using PHP efficiently?

Scanner scanner = new Scanner(...);

Which is fine until you're in a corporation where the (many) classes are so detailed that each one is 30 chars long...

npm install yarn

I feel guilty...

My monday started with boss calling me at 0730 asking if I could do a support-mission at the offices of the local landfill - this because 2 of the support people had called in sick and we where short on manpower. RIGHT! I said, with a sense of dread and disbelief. ended up spending much of the day there. fixing everything from default reader of pdf to calibration of mouse sensitivity.

It's not like I need to code or anything, since I am working on two different projects and in competition of a third. Finally came back to the office after been at the landfill until lunch and got another support mission; this time internal mission. namely write out from our companys database and import the data to an absolute atrocity called PowerBI so our accountant get the numbers......... FINE!!! I'll do that too, but dont come to me and cry when the project delivery date gets postponed into eternity!!!

!rant

Had to build an app using Cordova because... well, I am a web dev and know a shitload of PHP and a good part of JS, but no Swift or Java or whatever.

So there is a deadline set to like half a year after we had the initial talk with the customer. 6 months to build a relatively easy and small app.

So yeah, I procrastinated like one would do when he's got that kind of time left and not much else to do.

And yeah, I did work, but also procrastinated some more. The development was as expected, and I was well in the anticipated time frame.

Then I got a really bad disc prolapse and was sick at home and the hospital for (all together) 5 weeks.

After that, I came back to work for a week, then leaving for a (previously planned) vacation with my little family.

On my first day back at work after the vacation, I quit my job with a 6 weeks notice, of which I have to work 3 weeks.

I know it sounds like I'm a real prick, but it was never planned this way. I never searched for a new job. It just came to me.

I am still finishing the app, though :)

Why am I telling you this?
Well, I do that to show that there still are great bosses out there. My boss has NEVER spoken a bad word to me, even after I quit my job. He's always been kind, fair and understanding.

I just wanted to show that between all these rants about bad bosses and colleagues (which I have had my fair share of in the past), there still are some real gems out there.

Gotta my my boss - he's been one of the best I have had so far.

Peace out folks. Good night...

Service's like freelance and people per hour are a farce. It's just a constant race to the bottom price-wise.

'Yeah sure I can make you a blog website in 24 hours for £5'

My brain= processor
Your mouth= raw data
I only process the logic that comes out of your mouth and typecast it to my system's logic and try to fit you in one of my objects using a visitor pattern.if I need to create a new dynamic object , my system throws a "you are special" message.

The first 30 minutes of a working day often consist of me saying, "who broke this then?" Then a liberal use of git blame.

I don't know why... But I cringe when somebody says "coding", "coder". Maybe it's because it's an Americanism...

Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.

That's right, the English summer has arrived.

So made my PI a little torrent machine. So that my parents can watch the movies they want when they want.

This is how non devs imagine our devs. They tend to think a huge change is this quick. Meanwhile back at the ranch it will take a while and a lot more concentration.