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Phone rings
Uh oh
Answers the phone
Its my boss
>the latest tool you made isnt working
Um... Yes it is?
>we cant run it because its a jar file
Um..
>how to you run a jar file?
Um... You click on it?
>it doesnt work, nothing shows up
(Maybe if you fucking read my documentation, you would see that it just generates the files you need)
>there are no files
Yes there are we tested on every possible hardware, theres no way to fuck it up
>there are no files
Okay maybe you just dont see them on your desktop, move the jar to an empty folder
>how do i do that
*hangs up*26 -
terms can only be use in programming: -
Where friends have access to your private parts,
Where Parents may kill their child if required,
Where Bugs come in from open windows,
Where one image is worth 128K words,
Where 10 == 2,
Where Zombies are common and not dangerous *,
Where Daemons are always there somewhere
Where the slimmest of USB drives are considered FAT *,
Where comments are made and arguments are passed, **
Where forever alone nerds can also unzip, touch, mount and fsck ***,
Where root is top of the tree,
Where x = x + y is totally correct,
Where opening a jar requires Java,
Where Oct 31 = Dec 25,
Thanks to ASHISH KEDIA for writing these.
Source :- Quora4 -
By playing with Facebook source code in browser, you can enable GIF and Markdown, Tip Jar & many more options in comments.
15 -
Dev manager: great news guys. We’ve built a new tool to do automated testing on apps. We’ve gotten rid of the old Appium solution we were using and built this new one.
Me: why not just use the inbuilt native stuff? Click to record works really well.
Manager: nah we thought it would be more flexible to build it ourself.
Me: ... ok ... moving on ... how does it work?
Manager: well this new .jar, you download it, pass in a config file, setup up your simulator and appium and the jar will do everything for you.
Me: ... wait you said you hate Appium? Now you’ve built a wrapper around it? And it doesn’t even set everything up, you’ve to do it all by hand?
Manager: oh we had too, would be too much effort to replace it. Don’t worry we can now write all our tests in .yaml config files instead of using Appium.
Me: so we’ve lost the ability of auto-complete and type ahead, everyone has to upskill on a new tool, it offers no new features over what’s available out of the box and we’ll have to deal with new bugs and maintenance and stuff our self ... because we need more flexibility?
Manager: oh don’t worry. The guy who built it is staying here. He’s going to deal with bug fixes and add features. He’s only one guy, but he’s really sharp, it’ll be great for us and the team.
Me: ... ... ...
*audible noise of soul breaking*
Me: ... ok thank you. I’ll look into this new tool3 -
Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...2 -
Me: I have an input stream!
Library: I want a file.
Me: I can see your code, you will convert it to an input stream! Don't any of your constructors take an input stream?
Library: No. I want a file. Okay, you can also include an encoding.
Me: I don't care about encoding.
Library: Fine, just give me the file then.
Me: You mean I have to somehow convert my input stream into an actual file so I can give it to you?
Library: You're gradually catching on, yes.
Me: Can I add a new constructor myself that takes an input stream?
Library: Sure! Good luck in getting it approved by the maintainers and the new jar distributed everywhere, including Maven Central before your deadline.
Me: Fine, I'll just rearchitect everything so I can give you an actual file.
Library: And then everything will be fine.
Me:3 -
Warning: contains swearwords!
Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...
??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!
HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!
HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!
AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!
FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!
AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!16 -
You went through .dll hell and survived the .jar hell.
Now you're developing in AngularJS... welcome to scope hell6 -
I eh... was once munching on nutela straight from the jar while on a call only realised arpund 10 mins into the call that my camera was on and everyone could could see me eating straight from the jar (without a spoon)8
-
In the begining of time, when The Company was small and The Data could fit in some fucking excel sheets, Those Who Came Before implemented some java tool to issue invoices, notify customers and clear received payments.
Then came the Time Of The Great Expanse, when The Company grew to unthinkable levels. Headcount increased with each passing day, and The Data shows that everything was going great!
But when the future seemed bright, came The Stall-Out. The days when The Company could not expand as fast as it did before. And Those Who Came Before left, abandoning their Undocumented Java Tool to its own luck.
Those who came after knew nothing of the inner workings of the Undocumented Java Tool. They knew only that the magical Jar would take a couple fucking excel spreadsheets and spit out reports and send emails like magic.
And those were The Dark Days.
In the darkness, The Data grew to be a monster. Soon a fucking excel spreadsheet could not hold The Data contained any longer. Those Who Came After, fearing the wrath of The Undocumented Java Tool, dared not mess with its code. Instead, they fucking cut away the lowest volume transactions from the fucking input spreadsheet, and left the company to report the unbilled invoices as "surprise losses". Fucking script kiddies, were Those Who Came After.
Then, at The Darkest of Days (literally, Dec 21st), marched into the project The Six Witchers, who fear not the Demon of Refactoring.
This story is still unfolding. Will The Six Witchers manage to unravel the mysteries of The Undocumented Java Tool? Will they be able to reverse engineer the fucking black box, and scale it's magic into a modern application?
Will they decrease revenue forecasting error by at least 2% in a single strike?
Only the future will tell.16 -
Okay so
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.
Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.
Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.
Client: is happy
Me: ??? -
Supervisor: so you're going to write a perl script that will compile a jar that will be used to invoke a web service
Me: okay. What does the web service do?...
Supervisor: I'm not sure how it works. It'll just return a success or error code
Me: so I'm just going to invoke a black box?
Supervisor: that's a good way to think of it
Me: so how does the qa process work with this black box/how can we debug?
Supervisor: we don't have qa for it and we can't debug
What the fuck?!?!? You expect me to call a literal fucking black fucking box?!?! This isn't lambda calc you jabroni.2 -
I have Java 8 installed on both Windows10 and Ubuntu16
My (basic) app compiles fine in windows with javac, and when put into a jar works perfectly. But when cloned to my Ubuntu, javac fails to compile, and the jar fails to run.33 -
TL; DR: please save me from IT hell
Note 1: this is a rant that comes after a couple other rants I'm going to call "family business saga" from now on because I feel like this is gonna go on for a while
Note 2: the following may look exaggerated but it's because of how pissed off I am at said person
So I have to help this one family member with his computer but he's worned me out so much last summer that I can't stand him (it's all tech based). At all. Both in person and via text calls. I dread and become pissy each time he's nearby, just his presence makes me want to jump in a hole and stay there for eternity.
And he's not the smartest cookie in the jar when it comes to tech, so he comes to me for help (instead of going to my brother. Aaagh why doesn't he go for my brother as well, it's mentally tiring having to "help" him - as he doesn't learn what I'm trying to teach him even after several attempts). I don't really mind being sought for help when it comes to tech, but this guy takes it one step further.
He entered my room with his computer in his hands saying this friend of his has installed W7 on his PC (why didn't he handle all the things he wants to do, it would save me a lot of anger containment) and that I *had* (it's always "YOU HAVE" because I'm a tech-ish person and I'm in uni for CS) to help him do a bunch of things.
So he boots up the thing and there are 32 updates to do, so I'm guessing that he didn't boot it up after the OS update until now. He leaves my room and I sigh out of relief. He comes back with the AC remote complaining it's too hot in my room and that he's gonna put it down a degree or 2. Jesus christ do not tamper with my AC settings, it's fine to me. The updates are still going on. He leaves again.
The computer takes its time to update and so does he. I'm happily playing minecraft when he comes back, the computer off after updating. He looks at it and says "why is it off?". I reply back "it finished updating.", trying to keep my cool. Even the most simple questions are irritation inducing.
He reboots it and lets it run. After it boots and it's ready to go he just stays there for like 2' without doing anything because the hard drive light was going off. I think he thinks the computer is going to explode if he touches it while the light is blinking 😬
He goes to connect the computer to the internet and gets all surprised that the computer doesn't recognize our home's internet (he has been here before with his computer, I guess, so he had connected, so I think he was expecting it to auto connect like that). I tell him that the computer doesn't recognize our home's connection because it has had a fresh OS installation and so it didn't have any connection registered. He types in the password and the connection is established.
He them starts going on about that he wants to get these pics on the business' website and how does he put them in his computer and all that. I do that for him and he's all like "how did you do that?? 😮" like it's a magic trick
And he's always going on at everything as if it's all a big undoable thing. "How do I do this? You know what, do it yourself and show me because I don't wanna fail". Dude. Bro. Everything - EVERYTHING - you are afraid of doing is undoable. EVERYTHING. Good christ.
I swear I've never felt so glad I'm going back for uni next week9 -
We were doing a project for uni in which we had to make a game in Java, we were on my department the night before working the last bits, it was working perfectly, until two hours until we had to turn it in, when I ran the code on IntelliJ it worked but the .jar file I exported didn't work and I didn't know why... I had to carry the my desktop PC I was working on because my laptop was broken at the time and we didnt have another computer on hand with IntelliJ and shit, I could swear I could see my friends laughing...
Two hours later from presenting the project I realized someone changed the file of a name from spritebatch1.png to Spritebatch1.png...
Changed it back, worked in an instant...
They were all behind me and started laughing like the best joke in the world was told...
I almost killed them all, but laughed along them afterwards...7 -
Love my android. But oh my fucking stars in a pickle jar... I just did a damn software update. The fuck you mean I have one??? Wasn't even 5 minutes ago. Why are you making me do this???15
-
As a follow-up to my comment on this rant: https://devrant.com/rants/1029538 I want to share with you my new project: BinToBmp!
It converts any file into a beautiful bitmap image illustrating all bytes as pixels. Each byte indicates an index to a color table (very happy bitmap makes it this simple).
Useful? No. Fun to make? Hell yeah!
Take a look at it on my github page:
https://github.com/Forside/BinToBmp
Download:
https://github.com/Forside/...
Print your favorite song and hang it on the wall or make a shirt from your latest compiled application. So many possibilities!
More infos in the readme.
Updates coming soon :)
P.S.: The image displays the converted jar.
30 -
Lots of fun open source stuff, but I had a lot of fun working on a survey taking m&m dispenser. The goal was to encourage students to answer survey questions that would help the faculty get a better idea of what the students found most valuable (different things they wanted to learn, classes they found useless, etc.). So me and another student built this :) Its a node server running on an Intel Galileo, which served up an admin and survey interface using React. When a student answered a survey question, a servo would turn a gear, which interfaced with a rack and pinion that had two little pits in it. When it would slide under the jar, two m&ms would fill the pits, then the rack and pinion would push them out. Then we had a webcam hooked up to the end of it that would compare the colors of the m&ms to see if they were the same. If they were the same, the student would get more m&ms. The gear pieces were 3D printed.
We could never get the webcam stuff to work right with the Galileo because OpenCV (the computer vision library we were using to interact with the webcam) could not be built/compiled on such a specific version of Linux. Later, I was able to do it with a RaspberryPi, but never got it reintegrated.
5 -
Basically: Shoutout to my dad!
My dad's not an engineer or anything. But he likes building PCs and has a bunch of tech at home.
Well, thanks to him, I had a PC very early on, and of course, I did the typical skiddie stuff it, aka "fake batch virus haha funny" and playing Minecraft.
Well, at some point, after tinkering with mods to enhance the quality of gameplay, I found the ultimate mod: Macro / Keybind Mod.
This mod allows you to bind stuff to keybinds, such as commands or chat messages, or... Macros.
This mod has a custom macro language. (Hint: This is where the fun begins)
Another mod I used was AutoSwitch. However, that mod required a "core mod" (aka library installed in a dumb way). I thought, "why do I install 2 mods to get 1 thing? dumb", and made an ugly macro with lots of nested if-elses, which perfectly emulated AutoSwitch behavior for the Minecraft version I was on.
Yup, I basically got rid of 2 jar files in my mods folder by making my own ugly macro.
The fact that I recreated something in an obscure language, having not even coded any program before, made me grow interest into actual programming languages.3 -
"I don't care if this is much simpler in a native language! This is going to be written in Java" *even though it's only going to run on a single Windows machine*
As long as a .jar comes out I'm fine...
2 -
“Dear Manager, the reason I didn’t complete my sprint task today was that while I was nursing my fiancé’s COVID vaccine severe side effects, said fiancé’s Chinese roommate put a jar of some fermented product called “Golden Smell” in a precarious place from which I broke it, causing a veritable golden shower of glass shards and odors to permeate the workspace. If you don’t hear from me by standup, tell my mom i’m sorry."4
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HOLY.
CHRIST.
MAVEN.
Where has this thing been all my life. I can manage my Java web projects from a single repository that works native with Linux. No more hunting for .jar files on the web, EVERYTHING IS MANAGED FROM A SINGLE .XML FILE. MAVEN WORKS WITH ANY JAVA IDE.
This is one of the single greatest systems I have ever found.
10 -
While building a Java net sniffer app, I finally write the code to run a Linux binary in a separate process after three days. It works perfectly!
Then I export my app to a runnable jar file.
About nine exceptions are thrown, including a security exception. So much for being done. 😐5 -
I will never forget that screenshot of a corrupt jar file viewed in 7-Zip containing something with a compressed size of 19 bytes, which would result in more than 1 TB uncompressed
Things like these are why I'm still breathing12 -
True story
Was free at work so applied for a stretch project.
PM: you know mobile dev?
Me: yes, built a few apps
PM: good, we have an old app we want you to take the JAR change everything but the look of it and make it a new hybrid app with the required features.
Me: *kill me please*
PM: and use WordPress as the server.
Me: ...........
Accepted the challenge. Did the entire app in ionic and build a server for it with SpringBoot. Client loves it PM is still doesn't know😂2 -
I just got a bugreport for an ages old release of a software which was assumed finished. Problem is, i couldnt find the source anywhere.
"hey, could you send me the file so i can check the bug?"
*sends jar file*
"yay im saved"
thanks java, for being easily disassembled 👌😍1 -
I just installed Opera Mini on my PSP. That alone isn't very exciting on its own, although I am stoked that my website does in fact render on a device from 2009. With the helpful guidance of a laptop from 2004 that's doing the hotspot duties for this thing.
No, what really got me stoked is that Opera still supports these old platforms, and how small they managed to make it. The .jar file for Opera Mini 4.5 is ~800kB large. There's a .jad file as well but it's negligible in size and seems to be a signature of sorts.
Let that sink in for a moment. This entire web browser is 800kB. Firefox meanwhile consistently consumes 800 MEGABYTES.. in MEMORY. So then, I went to think for a moment, how on earth did they manage to cram an entire functioning web browser in 800kB? Hell, what makes up a web browser anyway?
The answer to that question I got to is as follows. You need an engine to render the web page you receive. You need a UI to make the browser look nice. And finally you need a certificate store to know which TLS certificates to trust. And while probably difficult to make, I think it should be possible to do in 800k. Seriously, think about it. How would you go *make* a web browser? Because I've already done that in the past.
Earlier I heard that you need graphics, audio, wasm, yada yada backends too.. no. Give your head a shake. Graphics are the responsibility of the graphics driver. A web browser shouldn't dabble with those at all. Audio, you connect to PulseAudio (in Linux at least) and you're done. Hell I don't even care about ALSA or OSS here. You just connect to the stuff that does that job for you. And WebAssembly.. God I could rant about that shit all day. How about making it a native application? Not like actual Assembly is used for BIOS and low-level drivers. And that we already have a better language for the more portable stuff called C.
Seriously, think about it. Opera - a reputable browser vendor - managed to do it in 800kB on a 12 year old device. Don't go full wank on your framework shit on the comments. And don't you fucking dare to tell me that there's more to it. They did it for crying out loud. Now you take a look at your shitpile for JS code and refactor that shit already. Thank you.
21 -
Minecraft mods get me into programming. I used to spend hours yelling at Eclipse for not making that stupid JAR file! 7 years later, I'm pursuing a career as someone who spends hours yelling at a CLI assembler for not making that stupid ISO file! Good times.2
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So happy right now!
I just finished a project which I started today.
It is a java bytecode class/method/field renamer. You can rename those things inside a jar file. It has a nice dark-themed GUI and it works great :)
I'm just happy because I couldn't find something like this on the Internet and wanted it since I started learning programming. Also I am happy because I did it in 1 Day and learned so much about the Java Bytecode!
It's using ObjectWeb ASM btw.7 -
This is stupid but i think is my best idea yet.
So i have an old orange pi, with only 256m memory. Its running a few tasks i need but i wanted to use it for controlling a few things from my phone (lights and powering on my pc) so i thought i would make a server for that. Now mind you, my shirt doesnt say "lightweight backend language", so there was no way the pi couldve handled a struts server. I was digging around and found that php has a shell_exec command. Then it clicked, and i wrote the whole system like
shell_exec("java -jar someprocess.jar"). Now this sounds really stupid but it works and php is really light so it doesnt even slow it down that much.
Thinking about making this into some kinda server/framework/something just for fun.4 -
First it was the "set up WampServer so the client can use our database", to which I told her we should use an embedded database, to which she told me to do.
Then the "Just give the client a .jar file and install the JRE in his laptop" to wich I told her we can make a native installer, to which she fucking assigned to me.
Then the whole fucked up management thing with no design whatsoever and the "we don't need version control".
To just a few hours earlier, when she got mad because I set up a Slack for us to exchange information easily, she told me she was already mad because I shared the project by Google Drive and that she worked in security and knows the risk... AND AT THE SAME TIME, she uses Gmail to share the project.. BRILLIANT !7 -
Oh I have quite a few.
#1 a BASH script automating ~70% of all our team's work back in my sysadmin days. It was like a Swiss army knife. You could even do `ScriptName INC_number fix` to fix a handful of types of issues automagically! Or `ScriptName server_name healthcheck` to run HW and SW healthchecks. Or things like `ScriptName server_name hw fix` to run HW diags, discover faulty parts, schedule a maintenance timeframe, raise a change request to the appropriate DC and inform service owners by automatically chasing them for CHNG approvals. Not to mention you could `ScriptName -l "serv1 serv2 serv3 ..." doSomething` and similar shit. I am VERY proud of this util. Employee liked it as well and got me awarded. Bought a nice set of Swarowski earrings for my wife with that award :)
#2 a JAVA sort-of-lib - a ModelMapper - able to map two data structures with a single util method call. Defining datamodels like https://github.com/netikras/... (note the @ModelTransform anno) and mapping them to my DTOs like https://github.com/netikras/... .
#3 a @RestTemplate annptation processor / code generator. Basically this dummy class https://github.com/netikras/... will be a template for a REST endpoint. My anno processor will read that class at compile-time and build: a producer (a Controller with all the mappings, correct data types, etc.) and a consumer (a class with the same methods as the template, except when called these methods will actually make the required data transformations and make a REST call to the producer and return the API response object to the caller) as a .jar library. Sort of a custom swagger, just a lil different :)
I had #2 and #3 opensourced but accidentally pushed my nexus password to gitlab. Ever since my utils are a private repo :/3 -
(Dev)Life in the past 12 hours
Oh boy have the last 12 hours been a roller coaster ride for me. Noob me decided to "compile" AoSP for my device to get a taste of how custom ROMs are built from source. Overall it was fun but the errors were a very good excercise for googling, SO. Couple stuff I learnt ( possibly useful for anyone who comes here )
* The shebang line ( #!/usr/bin/env python ) on my system translated to Python 3.7 environment instead of the expected Python 2.7. Best solution I think to avoid confusion is to create a python 2.7 environment and source it.
* Get your trees right. A jar file called WfdCommon.jar ( apparently known as wifi-display common ) was the cause of several hours of hunting the fault. My vendor tree somehow didn't have this file so dex2oat was borking out like mad. I'm still amazed how I figured this one out almost by myself. ( Basically I had to check every file included in the boot class path, and find the odd one )
* I wasted a lot of time in finding the right files to change version numbers and all. Maybe I didn't search XDA properly for a guide ?
Overall it was a fun experience. Also if anyone's experienced in this area could you share resources to learn more about custom ROM development? Specifically on the tweaking part where you mix features from different ROMs to make a great ROM ( like AoSP extended or Pixel Experience ). All I could find were on the zips and not on sources.
7 -
Just wrote a script that takes anything correctly tagged and pushed to master from gitlab, pushes it to the server, builds a jar and creates a docker image from it. On the one hand I'm happy that I don't have to do it from hand anymore, on the other hand I get the feeling I'm automating myself out of a job...9
-
Had a new co-worker I was responsible for training. I am several years his junior, but he is working with a new language/framework I'm fluent in. Day 4 into training, he walks into my cubicle, sidles up next to me, I look up at him, he farts loudly, then (without seeming to realize what he's done) he proceeds to launch into a long-winded question about coding best practices.
If this were an isolated incident, I'd have written it off, but the dude did it again when he came to my desk and asked me to open a jar of pickles for him, and many times over during casual conversation.1 -
Just now... Got a job to create patch files for a couple of jars, which may or may not have varying class files. In total, I have to decompile, check, add and synchronize about 30 class files in 6 jars with a new functionality (that I didn't write). 🙂
FUCK PRODUCTION! WHY CANT YOU MAINTAIN ONE MOTHERFUCKING JAR?
OH? YOU'RE SUPERSTITIOUS THAT ONE TINY, ANT-SHIT SIZED CHANGE IN ONE SIMPLE FUNCTIONALITY WILL FUCK UP *OUR* PRODUCT?
FUCK MANAGEMENT! YOU DON'T HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR *OWN* PRODUCT!
OH? CUSTOMER COMES FIRST? HAVE THE BALLS TO DEFEND YOUR OWN FUCKING SELF AND PRODUCT TO THE CLIENT OR THEY'RE GONNA MAKE YOU YOUR BITCH AND TIE A GAGBALL DIPPED IN HOT SAUCE AROUND YOUR MOUTH! HOW.. THE FUCK.. DID YOU MISS THAT LOGIC??????
Best part, they want it by tomorrow, and they don't wanna test it. Guess who's gonna get slaughtered after a week? ME! 🙂5 -
Today, in the course of my job, I said...
FFS. I HATE WINDOWS.
It has begun.
Took me five minutes to ssh into the Linux EC2 and get the Jenkins agent installed, configured, and running. Half a fucking hour for Windows Server 2012.
1) Can't ssh to it, so I connect via AWS console... Which means I have to install MS Remote Desktop. WHATEVER. FINE. It's not like ssh is quick and easy or anything.
2) Can't just use the command line, run the .jar &, cntl-z, and bg then log off. Noooo. I have to install the unpacked binaries as a fucking SERVICE. FINE. WHATEVER.
I'm so glad we have a Windows guy that does most of this shit. I can't stand it.1 -
Python haters, gather 'round
oh come on... In java it's all simple as 123. You build an app, you have like 200 dependencies, you pack it all in a single fat jar and only deploy that single .jar. Don't need no internet, no installs, no pip, no nothing: just your .jar file and the JVM.
So java:
- build an app
- use 200+ deps
- build your whole project into a single fat jar
- deploy your jar in the env
- install [*khem khem* scp into the server] jre
- run
Now let's look at py, shall we?
- build an app
- use 1 dep
- deploy all the 20 .py files in the env
- make sure you have internet access
- install python
- install pip
- pip install <my dependency>
- run your app15 -
Java 11 is amazing they said, Jigsaw will make things much easier they said, JavaFX is now just a simple Maven dependency they said...
Previous command to launch app in Java 8:
java -jar T10ReleaseFinal.jar
New command to launch app (not including the custom jlink command to produce the custom bundled JRE) in Java 11:
java --module-path "lib/javafx-fxml-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-web-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-controls-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-controls-11.0.1.jar;lib/javafx-media-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-media-11.0.1.jar;lib/javafx-swing-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-graphics-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-graphics-11.0.1.jar;lib/javafx-base-11.0.1-win.jar;lib/javafx-base-11.0.1.jar" -Dfile.encoding=UTF-8 -Dprism.dirtyopts=false -Dglass.accessible.force=false --add-modules javafx.base --add-modules javafx.controls --add-modules javafx.fxml --add-modules javafx.graphics --add-modules javafx.media --add-modules javafx.swing --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.sg.prism=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.scene=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.util=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.base/com.sun.javafx.logging=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.prism=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.glass.ui=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.geom.transform=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.tk=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.glass.utils=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.font=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.application=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.controls/com.sun.javafx.scene.control=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.scene.input=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.geom=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.prism.paint=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.scenario.effect=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.graphics/com.sun.javafx.text=ALL-UNNAMED --add-exports javafx.media/com.sun.media.jfxmedia.events=ALL-UNNAMED -jar T10ReleaseFinal.jar5 -
I put the same song in a forever loop.
There are 3 stages each increasingly stronger! :
Level one: get lucky - daft punk
Level two: whiskey in a jar - Metallica cover
Level three: gangnam style - psy
I close all im, email and whatnot and code till exhaustion.
I normally listen to metal and classical music BTW.
It works2 -
Websphere...what a piece of shit! IBM, you really should be embarrassed. Dependency injections stops working when the injected bean is in another jar (even though it's on the class path). Works great in JBoss.
Seriously IBM...go out of business already. You are a joke and your products have never been good. -
My rubber ducky is a terrifying alien species from the exoplanet TRAPPIST-1B, but also a swear jar.
3 -
1. Exporting fat jar
2. Transferring to cluster using WinSCP
3. Running it in the cluster.
4. Find a small bug.
5. Repeat
I HATE IT1 -
Here is my day.
1. Mac wanted to perform an update.
2. I said Okay, Do it.
3. It took sometime, I thought WTF let's force reboot.
4. Shit happened. I am unable to boot as install is corrupted.
5. Reinstalled a fresh copy. I didn't have a backup.
6. Realised that my two days of work is gone since I haven't pushed the code to github.
7. Found out that I made a docker image with all of the latest changes.
8. Now trying to decompile and rewrite the code from the jar in docker image.10 -
OMG... this client is killing me...
So they are writing a Java / SpringBoot app for whatever. For some reason they decided to write it in the overcomplicated way, i.e. using a custom Spring's BeanPostProcessor that changes the eventual type of some beans, causing some weird ass issues, causing the app to fail to boot up if built on some systems and start up just fine if built on others (https://stackoverflow.com/questions...).
I've advised the client (devs) to simplify the architecture and avoid using type-mutating BPPs (bcz.. you know.. noone does that..).
Instead, the client created a task for me to "remove the build logic creating JAR packages" and another "Create a shell script manually assembling the CLASSPATH list and launching the application"
omg... what the hell is going on? Am I on camera? This can't be real... in 202-fucking-4 in a greenfield project!!!
wtf...1 -
I agreed to create a website for my school that allows students to subscribe to various laboratories and stuff. The IT guy said that I could host it on the school server no problem and I asked if Java would be ok. All cool and easy.
I completed the website and came back to him after a few days to load it on the server. He uploaded the jar executable to /var/www/ and asked me why it wasn't working. I just wanted to leave.
In the end, I hosted it myself.11 -
My life was troublesome today, had to help a non programmer to run jar files.
The jar executed well from command line in Windows 10 but didn't work on double click.
Did all the tricks, registry edits, cmd commands and at last I found a miracle tool called Jarfix.
Just double click and all okay.
The root cause of the problem was 7zip.
This bug is reported in the Oracle bug reporting and they have closed it as " Will not fix" low-priority report.2 -
There are a couple:
A system that updates user accounts to connect them into our wifi system by parsing thousands of processing files written in Clojure. The project was short lived and mainly experimental, It has complete test cases and the jar generated from it is still purring silently on the main application. It was used to replace an $85k vendor application that made no fucking sense. The code has not been touched in 2 years and the jar is still there. The dba mentioned the solution to the vendor, the vendor tried buying it from me, but being that it belongs to the institution nothing was touched, still, it got the VP's attention that I can make programs that would be bought for that level, it caught his attention even more when I showed him the codebase and he recognized a Lisp variant (he is old, and was back in the day a Fortran and Cobol developer)
A small Python categorical ML program that determines certain attributes of user generated data and effectively places them on the proper categories on the main DB. The program generates estimates of the users and the predictions have a 95% correctness rate. The DBA still needs to double check the generated results before doing the db updates. I don't remember how I coded it because I was mostly drunk when I experiment on the scenario. It also got the attention of the VP and director since the web tech manager was apparently doing crazy ML shit that they were not expecting me to do, it made them paranoid that I would eventually leave for a ML role somewhere, still here, but I want more moneys!!
A program that generates PDF documentation from user data, written in Go, Python and Perl (yes Perl) I even got shit from the lead developer since I used languages outside of their current scope of work. Dude had no option but to follow along with it :P since I am his boss
Many more. I am normally proud of my work code. But my biggest moment is my current ntural language processing unit that I am trying to code for my home, but I don't have enough power to build it with my computers, currently, my AI is too stupid, but sometimes it does reply back to my commands and does the things I ask it to do (simple things, opening a browser, search for a song etc) but 7 times out of ten it wont work :P -
Me:
Hey Java, mind letting me compile and run this single class project that prints 'hello world'
Java:
Did you: add a manifest file, configure your classpath properly, ensure that the VM on the system matches the compiled version, make sure all libraries are included in the compilation and ensure the jar is a runable application?
*sweats*8 -
Anyone who purposefully makes a CSS rule that’s like 10 classes deep can go fuck themselves with a elongated mason jar. Unless your an evil fuck or a spawn of satan, there’s no reason to make other dev’s jobs a living fucking hell. Fuck you.4
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Group assignment: writing a own Java logger component in a group of four, using nothing else than Java SE libraries, Maven and Jenkins. The software must be able to substitute the logger component without recompilation, just by editing the config.xml (setting jar file path and fully qualified class name of the logger).
I asked around on Slack which group is ready for a component exchange, so that we could test the switch. I found another group and I started doing some testing.
Then I got a `java.lang.NoClassDefFoundError: org/apache/log4j/Logger`. I got in touch with my peer from the other group and asked him, if they've been using log4j. Apparently they did, so I told him that the assignment was to write a logger of one's own, not just using log4j. Then he told me: "Uh, ok, I'm going to tell the guy responsible for the logger part about that..."
X-D -
Went into the office today to turn in my badge and gun (security badge/parking pass and yubikeys really) since I'm pretty much being given my last week before changing jobs to do brain dumps for knowledge transfer, and fuck all else.
Found a jar of moonshine in a closet when I went to take my things. IT said I could keep it. Not a bad parting gift. -
I've thought of the perfect analogy for people who constantly interrupt us while we are coding.
It's like you're a mechanic and you are working on a complex engine. You're focused on what you're doing, your hands are filthy, and you're just about to fit the part in that you've been trying to fit in for the past hour.
Someone comes along and asks you to help them open a pickle jar in the middle of your work. So you have to stop what you're doing, wash your hands, and then help them open the jar. By the time you're done your focus has completely shifted, you lost all momentum, and your progress comes to a complete halt.
This is what it's like for us when you come into our office or call us to ask us a question that isn't important or urgent whatsoever. It's especially frustrating when it's the same question that has already been asked 100 times. -
Don't you just love it when project works in the IDE but as soon as you build the artifact and try to run that it just straight out refuses to run and does not spit out any errors 😐
-
my wife and I where talking about the new Star Wars movie and she starts talking about how Star Wars needs mor Jar Jar, and how lovable he is.
The big problem is that I know she is serious.2 -
Monday: service deploy.
Friday evening: compilation and jar execution doesn't work anymore, on local machines or on server.
Nice.3 -
A one time gift consisting of the following in a party bag without any letter to explain why:
A jar of Polski-Ogorki pickles, synthetic motor oil, a Chicago's Cubs cap, a My Little Pony doll and a dollar store clown costume.1 -
just read this, wanted to share it:
Jesus at Last Supper:
(breaks bread and gives it to them) Take, this is my body.
(pours wine) Drink, this is my body.
(opens a jar of mayo)...
Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there1 -
When 32 GB RAM is no longer enough...
:~$ ps -eo pid,pcpu,pmem,vsz,rss,args | grep java | sort -nrk3 | head -1
9071 117 74.6 34740516 24338652 java -Xms2g -Xmx24g -Xss40m -DuploadDir=. -jar webapp-runner-8.0.33.4.jar -AconnectionTimeout=3600000 --port 9000 heaphero.war
7 -
So I coded minesweeper and because I thought it would be fun, I also coded a multiplayer mode. Then I uploaded the code to github. Since this was an Assignment, I wanted to download the zipped code and send it to my teacher. Imagine my surprise, when Chrome told me: Failed - Virus detected. Same with Firefox and Edge. Wow. I didn't think my code was that bad🙃. I then tried to download the release executables I uploaded, expecting for them to fail the test too, but nope, the . exe and the . jar work fine. Google also didn't say much about it. I found a github issue, that talked about a similar problem with the zipped source code, but wasn't much help. What is going on? Anyone have an idea?9
-
yes, i know this isn't omg! ubuntu
yes i know it's obviously not StOve (you guys are way too nice)
but im going to look like an idiot for asking this here. my process is a rollercoaster to read so bear with me
context:
· xubuntu 17.10
· zsh (not that it matters)
° i want to be able to use java -jar file.jar
i tried using that command
zsh: java: permission denied
then used sudo
sudo: java: command not found
i grabbed the generic x64 tar.gz and extracted to ~/.local/.app/java/
set the Java path to the openjdk folder inside, no good
i installed openjdk-8-jre
couldnt figure it out that way, so uninstalled
RE-GRABBED the x64 tarball
extracted into /usr/java
set the path to the folder containing java & javaws executables
still no luck
what is the problem here17 -
I was taking an Intro to Java class and we had an assignment where we had to create a program that would show a splash screen while loading. I used the new native splash screen functionality in Java 6 which just came out. The teacher gave me an F because he said, "I couldn't get your program to work." I told him, "I included a bat file that has the -splash parameter in it and I also gave you a JAR file you could launch and maybe you should update java on his computer." He never responded. That is when I knew this was a worthless class. I did get A's on the remaining assignments.
-
!rant
So, I've been working on a new project, it's basically a java library/package/jar with a lotta nice gadgets and stuff in.
The current functionality is limited, but will expand more as time goes on.
Right now it's able to:
apply ARGB filters to images (changing ARGB values), save objects in files on disk(Serializer/Deserializer), send emails with working create/load/unload configuration-system which saves a user-config to a file, loads and works with it, but the most coolest thing...
random char generation MY GOOOODDD
yea just wanted to post this cuz im rly proud2 -
How fitting because that just happened today: MOTHERF*CKING Tomcat.
TL;DR:
Tomcat sucks with client side routing (e.g. in angular2).
How hard can it be to provide a web/application server which is properly configurable?
I lost a whole day by trying to get an angular2 project deployed in Tomcat.
It's not that I could not manage to deploy it. But that you need to put all the files in the ROOT folder if Tomcat so that your JavaScript files can be found is the first dumb part.
But that's not enough.
There seems to be no way in Tomcat, short of writing to XML config files and including one jar library, to disable routing go a webapp. And you need to do this when you have a single page application with client side routing.
But yeah, dear boss, I get the part where Tomcat is lightweight, easy to use and does most of the work for you: when you do not use it.
As a side note, so that nobody thinks I have a grudge against the Apache guys: I see the advantages of a Tomcat if you have multiple webapplications written in Java which you need to manage our if you use it as an embedded application server.
But there are just some occasions where a plain old Apache Webserver is better suited.
Another side note: if I just embarrassed myself because those are settings which can be easily applied feel free to tell me 😉2 -
Fking alfresco and custom script listeners and fuck referencing multiple jars in one single jar and fuck reload time of alfresco server and all :(2
-
https://micronaut-projects.github.io/...
Micronaut never ceases to amaze me.
Compared to commons cli, the annotation based approach makes it simple.
Fat jar, easily distributable.
Modularity of micronaut, easy to pick only what you need.
I am.... Happy?
Ugh. That was a disturbing word.3 -
Random thoughts on more out of the box tools/environments.
Subject: Pharo
Some time ago I had shown one of my coworkers about Pharo and he quickly got the main idea behind it but mentioned how he didn't like the idea of leaving behind his text editor to deal with source code.
Some time last week I showed the dude some cool 3d animations you can do with Pharo while simultaneously manipulating the code to change them in real time. Now that caught his attention particularly and he decided he wanted to know more about the language but in particular the benefits of fucking around with an image based environment rather than a file based.
Both of us reached the conclusion that image based makes file based dev enviroments seem quaint in comparison, but estimated that it was nothing more than a sentiment rather than a fact.
We then considered what could be the advantage/disadvantages of such environments but I couldn't come up with anything other than the system not having something like Vim or VS Code or whatever which people love, but that it makes up for it with some of the craziest IDE tools I had ever seen. Plugins in this case act like source code repos that you can download and activate into your workflow in what feels something similar to VS Code being extended via plugins written in JS, and since the GUI is maleable as it is(because everything is basically just subsets of morp h windows) then extending functionality becomes so intuitive that its funny
Whereas with Emacs(for example) you have to really grind your gears with Elisp or Vimscript in Vim etc etc, with Pharo your plugin system is basicall you just adding classes that will convert your OS looking IDE into something else.
Because of how light the vm machine is, portability is a non issue, and passing pharo programs arround is not like installing Java in which you need the JVM.
Source code versioning, very important, already integrated into every live environment and can be extended to do pushes through simple key bindings with no hassle.
I dunno, I just feel that the tool is too good to be true. I keep trying to push limits into it but thus far I have found: data visualization and image modeling to work fine, web development with Teapot to be a cakewalk and work fine, therr are even packages for Arduino development.
I think its biggest con would be the image based system, but would really need to look into how this is bad by any reason other than "aww man I want vim!" since apparently some psychos already made Emacs and VS code packages for interfacing with Pharo source trees.
Embedded is certainly out of the question for any real project since its garbage collected and not the most performant cookie in the jar.
For Data science I can see some future, seems just as intuitive and interesting as a Jupyter Notebook actually, but the process can't and will not be the same since I still don't know of a way to save playground snippets unless you literally create classes for it, in which case every model you build gets saved inside of an object, sounds possible but, strange since it is not a the most common workflow in jupyter.
Some of the environment is sometimes glitchy, but it does have continuos development and have not found many hassles.
There is a biased factor from my side: I seem to be wired to understand the syntax and simple object model better than in other languages. To me this feels natural as if I was just writing ideas rather than code, mostly because I feel that there really ain't much in terms of syntax, the language gets out of my way and the IDE feels like the most intuitive environment in the world to me. I can see why some people would find it REALLY weird of counterintuitive tho.
Guess I really am a simple dude. -
Hey, flutterists! I'm getting curious.
Google gives me some hits, dunno how reliable they are. So here are my 2 questions:
1. Can I use flutter to develop for ios? Does the same code work on ios and droid?
2. Is there a way to use .jar libs in flutter? I have some custom tools I'd like to reuse.8 -
So i was putting finishing touches on an android game i was building in Unity3D as a fun side project - implementing google play leaderboards and google ads.
Luckily google is nice enough to include 2 unity plugins for ads and leaderboards/achievements however, THE FUCKING PLUGINS AREN'T COMPATIBLE. TWO PIECES OF SOFTWARE THAT ARE LITERALLY MEANT TO WORK TOGETHER HAVE COLLIDING .JAR FILES PREVENTING ME FROM BUILDING THE APK.
i had to spend fucking days trying to figure out how to unpack the jar files and what to remove from them so they would stop colliding.
WTF GOOGLE?3 -
Can someone please force my project manager to use fucking Maven for dependencies instead of including local jar files for some side projects?
And possibly a better IDE than Netbeans...1 -
When you were up until 3am figuring out why you're Guzzle cookie jar in Laravel wasn't working...
Needed:
$this->app->bind(...);
Instead of:
$this->app->singleton(...);
Stupid service providers... -
!dev
Had a strange dream. I was in some place where I looked at some people or maybe one person I don’t know now making some ritual. Some sort of forming a new life being from white piece of modeling clay of something. Telling some spells. Standing in front of big jar. Like you see some old pictures of the witch or something in front of big jar telling spells and this white piece of clay was forming but I didn’t saw it to the end. Those people or person didn’t see me and I was very absorbed by the whole ceremony. I was alone ? I don’t know now but probably. Maybe I was in some sort of jar in the room of this witch as one of her trophy watching it behind the safety glass. So me was very small and this ritual was made by some giant.
As my mind start becoming aware what I am watching suddenly I heard voice of my mother that was screaming to me to get the fuck out of here.
I saw her running and someone was running toward me with big knife to kill her before she reach me.
I didn’t saw his face, before my mother reached me I turned around so he didn’t know my face either. I covered my face with my hands to don’t see him stabbing me with his big knife made of steel. Then I woke up lol. When I woke up I felt like I am slowly going back to my body.
I still have thrills 40 minutes later when I am writing this.
I probably didn’t suppose to see this ritual.
I slept for about 2 hours and I am fully awake and feel rested.
Well some of my dreams are really fucked up.8 -
Hi!
I want to know if there is possibility to find a vulnerability on a .jar file.
I tried to install Kali on VM (for now) and tried to use metasploit but I found that it attacks the inter system on a indicated ip address.
There are many application or video (and so on) for my problem?
This .jar file is an application and I want to do pentesting...
Sorry for my poor english but it isn't my native language.
I'm new in pentesting wolrd 🤣8 -
And there I was thinking Maven is going to make life simpler, with this granular dependency management and IDE independence (no extraneous classpath and module management required). But wait, it turns out that to run simple Ant task I need all my dependencies to have *.pom. Every. Fricking. Dependency.
I mean, sure, only if I knew which sub-dependencies they all had, but that seems like heck a lot of work to make external JAR libraries to work with Maven process.
WHY TODAY? Yesterday I had no issue: uploaded few libraries in corporate repository, refreshed index, dependencies downloaded, even had time appending javadoc to one of them and it worked. But today is the day, right? I just run simple task with maven-antrun-plugin (mvn antrun:run@<executionID>), and it starts scanning each dependency for *.pom file. I DON'T WANT THIS. Google, help me. Oh, no direct answers and clues?
Just... fuck you, Maven. With all 2 days effort I could just litter in IDE's classpath, write build.xml in no time, make normal webservice, but that would require me to also litter sources with required libraries. FML!4 -
Can someone explain to me Java lighting...
There log4j, slf4j, logback. Some are interfaces, others are implementations.
What is the setup so I can basically wit one and forget, or upgrade with the jar amount of code changes?
I need to upgrade log4j 1 to 2 and they changed the package name and how to init it....
Now it's logging.log4j.
And correct me if I'm working, Logger logger = LogMagager.getLogger(Clazz.class)
Does the log4j.properties need changing as well?18 -
Stitching old frameworks / libraries together...
What a lovely joy.
An override here... Testing if it runs.
Oh lovely, shitty shaded jars.
Creating other project for shitty shaded jar.
An override here, an override there...
Oh we need some system property to unfuck JVM upgrade...
Since it's shaded, need to add overrides for the non shaded and shaded variant...
Done...
Back to framework / library....
Another override, another system property...
Its seemingly endless.
Stitching together old shit with new shit to get JDK 20 plus running.
I hate everything. -
my maven project was working fine in windows but showing a lot of errors in Ubuntu's eclipse. so,I uploaded my to Github & I cloned it in my ubuntu only to find that I forgot to remove a jar from the classpath. I felt so silly afterwards but yeah,I think that was cool! 😋
-
Made a wonderful and good working module for a server. A few days later the jar file got renamed to a .BAK file. From the stacktrace I figured out itd be the configuration file (Json) that was crashing. Guy wouldnt send the config. Told him the problem but he ignored me.
Three days later he came up to me that he forgot a comma at the line end.
Ffs. -
Yes today I learn ma lesson about deleting projects in Linux. jst deleted a project which had a fixed bug which took me two sleepless nights. I can only recover jar files... wow.
-
Could be a stupid question, but I'm asking anyway. If I have a Java application, it's legal for me to package dependencies in it's jar, right? (In this case GSON)5
-
I discovered a cool little trick to wake myself up when I wouldn't stop dozing off and feeling like passing out on the floor even after emptying the coffee jar to my cup and splashing my face with cold water.
I watched horror gameplays,
Instant effect and now fully awake.
Thablnkfully human fight or flight response really puts your body on overdrive, heightens your alertness and raises oxygen levels in blood which makes you stop yawning.
Imma play or watch resident evil 7 whenever I wake up now ! Life hackzz6 -
So I graduated last year learned everything I would need to succeed in the job world. I got to my first rotation, I solved a total of 6-7 jiras in the past 6 months. I got to my second rotation, my new team is pretty much all remote and it’s been 2 weeks that i have been sitting idle. Their code base is not on git they’re not organized as my first one and I’m confused as to what they do, there’s not really any confluence and the deployment of code is done via uploading a jar. I really want them to adopt a structure like my last team or something similar because but I don’t know enough how to implement a new deployment process. I feel like sitting idle is the worst so I’m gonna start to see if I can implement a proper structure for them but who knows if they’ll even use it.3
-
I can see the appeal for Gradle over Maven. You can do a lot more with a lot less code + compilation times are much shorter. Makes maintaining and updating a program much easier over cleaning a repository if something gets messed up.
Back in may when I was picking up Java I remember in my intro course I was dumping individual .jar files and referencing dependencies manually. Why anyone would do that in the CURRENT YEAR is beyond me. 😣
I wish C++ had even half of the features that come standard on Java when I worked with it.5 -
Why does maven for eclipse not do what I want? Am I just doing it wrong, or is it too complicated to get an executable jar with all dependency plugins packaged, where no alert like "main class not found" will pop up at execution?!?
-
Has anyone tried to export a jar in a simple Java project that has JavaFX (and uses WebView) from VSCode?
When I test the program it works fine but when I export it and execute it I get JavaFX errors.
I met those errors early in development, the fix was adding some parameters to the run command (--add-modules and such), maybe I need to add them to the compile process but I can't find how...
I've been searching all across the web and the rant part of this question is why isn't there an answer anywhere? Has NO ONE tried this before? Really? And if someone did, how did they find the solution!?
My only hope is compiling by hand by now... But there must be a way... I could also use Eclipse but I'd like to know how to do it from VSCode, it would be a shame having to take everything to Eclipse just to compile.3 -
The day I'm fucking around with Kafka Streams API and had to work with Java after swearing it off 5 years ago for JS bae...
Is the day that Apache's everything is down. Can't even hit their fucking website. I just want a fat jar. Just one. -
I hope I'm not the only one who gets some fucking random thoughts forcing you to do a google search while working on some projects.
---"Can fart be stored in a jar?"
Like what in the fucking fuck is wrong this stupid brain... Focus motherfucker! Who tha hell wakes up one morning to go store their fart in some fucked up jar! 👩💻3 -
You know that a work ethic of a big company is still backwards when they distribute an Android SDK still as a JAR file. Gross.4
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If I app.properties in src/resources in a jar.
And load it in code I guess using Classloader.getResource()?
Can I override it at runtime? By I guess adding a different file but with same name into the classpath?9 -
1) Guess how many beans (hours) are in the jar (sprint).
2) Pad my estimate with 12 beans.
3) Be high and have to have meetings in which I explain bean counting is not an exact science and insist that meetings about how we count beans will only put us behind further and will never ever make us better bean counters.
or
3b) Be under, have extra time in the sprint, only to have product management fill the jar with more beans until I'm wrong again. -
which type are you ??
**Manager:** Hey, we've got a little hiccup in the production environment. I know it's Friday evening and you're probably daydreaming about pizza, but could you give it a peek?
**Type 1:** Man, this is like finding a needle in a haystack while wearing sunglasses at night. Might take me a few hours... or days. But hey, wish me luck and have an epic weekend!
**Type 2:** Eureka! Found the gremlin. It looks like XYZ person tried to be a bit too creative on commit number 2234324. Maybe they had too much caffeine? Anyway, could you have a chat with them? And oh, may your weekend be as smooth as a fresh jar of peanut butter.
**Type 3:** Detective mode activated! Found the sneaky bug. It was XYZ person's "masterpiece" in commit number 2234324. But fear not! I've put on my superhero cape and fixed it in commit number 345453345.
**Type 4:** This issue again? It's like a recurring bad dream about forgetting your pants! I've revamped the whole thing so we don't have to relive this nightmare. If someone tries to pull this off again, our CI/CD will roast them like a marshmallow over a campfire.
**Type 5:** Ta-da! Fixed the glitch, jazzed up the design, and sprinkled in some extra logging magic. Now, troubleshooting will be as easy as pie. Speaking of which, I've got time for a coffee and maybe a slice of pie before heading out. Cheers!
Type 6 **Gloomy**: Oh, the digital clouds have gathered again. This issue is like a never-ending rain on a Monday morning. I've peered into the abyss of our code, and it's... well, it's deep and dark. I'll need some time, a flashlight, and maybe a comforting blanket. If you don't hear from me in a few hours, send in a search party with some hot cocoa.4 -
I don't even have a desk! LOL, but like to keep the snack jar reachable. I'm like "turning snack and coffee in to code"
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Me love bcp to gcp. Now all me want to do is bcp everywhere all da time. I sound like jar jar binks. May da force be wid ya Mesa.
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